Rum and coke gave off a particular aroma that reminded Bella of being in peoples' dank basements. It reminded her of dim, perhaps color-changing lights and music so loud that it was almost impossible to comprehend. It reminded her of people yelling the words to songs they didn't know.

Like a weirdo, she took a deep inhale of the shitty fifteen-dollar rum mixed with off-brand cola, letting that sickening-but-sweet smell send her somewhere far, far away from where she was. When she was satisfied with her mental distance, she took a sip, and let the taste take her even further.

Her laptop was sitting on her desk, open to a word document with a few pages of bullshit typed up. Next to her laptop was a stack of books she was supposed to be writing an analytical paper about for her literature class, and next to that stack was a pile of printed readings from her history class, and behind that was her Spanish textbook and a review packet, and so on and so on. She sat her glass down and rubbed her eyes. She was sick of looking at all of it, but it wasn't going to go away on its own.

"Nothing a few drinks can't fix," she mumbled, taking another sip. "Just like old times."

Sure, Bella had graduated from high school in Phoenix with honors. Despite her rough and tumble lifestyle, her grades were above average, and she rarely got in trouble at school. If she was being honest, she liked to learn. She had always loved English classes, and she excelled at writing papers. No, school had never been the source of any troubles in Bella's life, and it was only bothering her now because all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and pretend that she didn't exist, and all her assignments were preventing her from doing so.

Someone sitting on death's doorstep shouldn't have to do calculus, she thought, flipping through the piles of paper. She knew Jacob was unhappy about finishing out his senior year on wolf duty, but she envied his educational exemptions.

Bella downed the rest of her drink, leaning back in her chair as she did so, and sat the empty glass down heavy on her desk. She popped her knuckles and stretched out her arms, then set to work, typing away on her paper, writing a plethora of reasonable-sounding nonsense that would most likely earn her an A-.

Her phone vibrated. A text from Rosalie. Bella read the notification but didn't open the message. She had barely spoken to her mate since yesterday's incident. Nothing Rosalie could say would comfort her; Bella felt that she didn't deserve that comfort. She didn't deserve to run back into the arms of her lover and feel at peace because she had almost been responsible for tearing Angela away from Leah.

It hurt Bella. Deeply. Her heart ached with sorrow, with the desire to go see Rose, but she knew that Leah had felt a thousand times worse thinking that her love could've been killed. All because of Bella, because of the reckless choices she had made. Because she had decided to befriend Edward. Because she had decided to love Rosalie.

Anxiety began welling up within her stomach, amplifying the lovesickness brewing in her heart. She couldn't take it, but she couldn't give into it.

So she would drown it.

She retrieved the bottle of cheap rum from her closet and poured herself another drink.

-X-

Edward had never seen Rosalie drink this much wine in one sitting. She was well on her way through bottle number three (though, to be fair, a vampire's tolerance was always going to be above human levels) and sitting outside on one of the house's many balconies, her feet propped up on the railing. Her eyes were empty and she was staring at nothing.

Rosalie was drinking alone and she had repeatedly refused the company of her family members, but she was not drinking alone in Edward's mind because he was having a gin and tonic, even if he was sitting 30 feet away from her inside the house, in the living room.

"While things can be different for everyone, I usually identify unhealthy drinking habits with the use of three traits," Carlisle had once told Edward, back in the days when it was just the two of them. "One: drinking in extreme excess. Two: drinking to cope with any negative emotions or stress. And, three—which I consider to be the most important: drinking alone. The first two may not always be indicative of a true 'problem', and there are many circumstances that must be considered when evaluating a person. The third one, while not always troublesome, often finds itself in the company of the former two, and that is rarely a good thing."

Edward was capable of admitting that he had a problem. He was a bonafide alcoholic with decades of troublesome habits under his belt—habits that were extremely hard to break, but he had recently been trying very hard, if not for his own sake, but for Bella's. Bella, in his eyes, only had the beginnings of a problem. She was young. She had gotten caught up in the party scene for a few years. At her worst, he would say she had a binge-drinking problem that was occasionally amplified by stress, but Bella liked to party and have fun more than anything else. That wasn't always a good thing, but it wasn't wholly bad either.

But maybe that was just something else that Edward liked to tell himself. He liked to tell himself a lot of things. Things like that having a drinking buddy meant he wasn't drinking alone, and that meant he wasn't doing a "bad" thing, and that he wasn't exacerbating any of his issues. If it was for fun, it was "good", right? If it was with someone else, it was "good", right?

When he first met Bella, they had clicked almost immediately. He liked spending time with her, but he had to admit that he had almost felt a sense of relief at finding someone who was so willing to drink with him on a regular basis. It had felt like a get-out-of-jail-free card, a hall pass to indulge in his worst habits without consequence.

But there were always consequences. Some worse than others. Unfortunately, it had taken seeing someone he cared about suffer and get hurt for him to finally start to wise up and work on himself. Edward would do his best to help himself so that he would not drag Bella down with him.

There are no straight roads to recovery. More often than not, those roads circle back on themselves. They take inconvenient detours. They twist and turn until one suddenly finds themself driving back the way they came, and it takes great effort to make a U-turn and get back on the path going forward.

For Edward, that path would never end. It would go on endlessly into the future, unless he managed to get himself killed somehow. And that was the most terrifying part for him. Not only was there no healing path going straight from point A to point B, but there was no point B at all. That in and of itself made him want to have a drink.

So he did. He took a sip of his gin and tonic and looked at his sister, sitting out on the balcony, clutching an uncharacteristic wine glass that she raised to her lips every so often like an automaton.

Rosalie drank, and Edward drank with her, so that she was not drinking alone.

There are no straight roads to recovery, and, for a vampire, there was no end in sight. This was an overwhelming and terrifying thing, but it could also be a comforting thing, because it meant that they had all of eternity to make mistakes, learn from them, and do everything in their power to change even as they remained unchanging. It meant that this moment was a blink in the eye of time, and it would soon become a mere memory.

"This, too, shall pass," Edward said into his glass before he tilted it back and swallowed the last of his drink.

-X-

Bella barely left her room for the rest of the weekend. Things reached a point where Charlie was growing concerned, but she was able to brush it off as finals stress. He felt bad for her and left her alone for the most part, but made sure to bring her snacks and meals, making sure she ate and stayed hydrated. She felt bad that he was going to such lengths to take care of her, but she couldn't bring herself to do anything else.

Her phone lit up like crazy with messages that she continued to ignore. She was honestly surprised that no one was coming in through her window to bother her. For once, people were leaving her alone. She was almost upset that no one had come to check on her, but she didn't let her thoughts linger on that long enough for her to start truly analyzing her own feelings.

There was no way she could bring herself to face anyone after this until she was forced to. She couldn't apologize to Angela or Leah, and she couldn't let herself be comforted by anyone, especially not Rosalie, who she knew would say over and over that this wasn't Bella's fault, when she knew it was only her fault. Just because things were out of her control didn't mean that they weren't happening because of her.

Bella wanted nothing more than to be able to protect her loved ones, but she felt so powerless. They were up against threats that were far bigger than she could ever have imagined, and there was nothing she could do.

So she hid in her room and refused to see anyone. She knew that the pack and the Cullens were out relentlessly patrolling the surrounding area, perhaps even searching for Lucrezia, and Bella sat at her desk, hunched over her laptop, drinking and trying (and failing) to pretend that she was just a normal college student with normal problems.

Bella slept only once over the weekend, and it was really more of a glorified nap that lasted from around 4 AM to 8 AM on Sunday morning. In that space of four hours, she slept deeply, and had a dream about running through the forest.

She couldn't figure out if she was running from something or towards something, but she felt a sense of urgency and danger that kept driving her forward. She was moving at an incredible speed, just like she had seen the Cullens do, but she still felt like she wasn't fast enough, that whatever was chasing her was going to get her, or that she wouldn't make it to wherever she was going in time.

The surrounding forest was dark and eerily quiet. She could hear her feet hitting the muddy ground and almost nothing else save for the sounds of something—some things?—that she couldn't see moving in the shadows. She looked around frantically as she ran, trying to figure out what was going on, trying to form some kind of plan of action for this dire situation that she had no grasp on.

At the end of the dream, she tripped over an exposed root and fell into the mud. When she tried to get up, she felt something that she never saw press down on her back and push her face back into the mud. She struggled against the mysterious force, but she only ended up pushed further and further down, mud filling her mouth and her throat and her lungs and—

Bella woke up coughing and gasping for breath, clawing at her throat. She struggled to get out of bed and knelt over the trash can by her bed, dry heaving over the trash can. She remained in that position for a while, eyes closed, working to steady her breathing. She wiped the spit from her mouth and swallowed. Her throat was unbearably dry. She stood up slowly and went downstairs to get a cup of water.

-X-

Rosalie had felt this kind of pain before. It was uncomfortably familiar and reminded her of a time not so long ago when she had made a series of rash and foolish choices. She had been so sure that she was right, that she was doing what needed to be done, but it had only ended up hurting both her and Bella in the long run.

Now, she sat on the other end of a similar situation, getting a taste of her own terrible medicine. Bella was ignoring her, avoiding her, practically running from her, and she was left with nothing but chest pain and a growing emptiness. There was a hole inside of her that needed to be filled with something, and she surprised herself by pouring wine into it.

Rosalie wasn't upset with Bella for doing this. In a sense, she knew this is what she thought she had wanted all those times she had warned Bella about the dangers that came with associating with vampires. She had wanted Bella to run away, to choose mortal life, to grow and age and eventually die. The last thing she wanted was to condemn her mate, the person she loved most in this miserable world, to the same tortured fate as her.

But everything had gone wrong. Everything that Rosalie had feared had come to pass. Everything fell apart. Including Bella. Her lover, her mate, was suffering so much, and, as usual, it was all Rosalie's fault. Yet, no matter how she replayed the events in her mind, she couldn't find a way out of it. There was simply no way that the two of them could have stayed apart from each other.

The red string of fate. Two people, tied together. Destined. Doomed.

What were the criteria for two people to be soulmates? What made them compatible? What system of reasoning did the forces at play use to determine these pairings? Either fate was a capricious trickster, or it was simply arbitrary. Random chance. Every time two peoples' eyes meet, a coin is flipped that could turn the world upside down in an instant.

In another world, Bella's eyes met Rosalie's during orientation, and nothing happened. They went their separate ways and perhaps never interacted at all. In another world, maybe it all happened differently. In a different time, in a different place, with different people. Was that world better or worse than the one they were in now?

"Twilight, again. Another ending. No matter how awful the day is, it always has to end," said Edward.

Rosalie hadn't heard him approach her. He was standing in the doorway, looking at the pink sky that was growing darker by the second.

"And then comes the dark of night, and the dawn of the next day. The sun always rises, whether we see it or not," he said.

"Stop waxing poetic. Leave me alone."

"If you really wanted to be alone, you'd be in your room with the door locked."

"Shut up. Go away."

"She'll come back to you. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but she will."

"She doesn't have to."

"You want her to."

"I shouldn't."

Edward walked over to the railing and sat down atop it, swirling the ice and liquid in his glass.

"Are we really gonna do this all over again? For, what, the hundredth time? Do I need to get into a physical fight with you over it? Beat the sense back into you?"

"You don't understand how much it hurts!" she hissed.

Edward's shoulders slumped. He looked at his left hand, then placed his palm over his frozen heart.

"No, not as much. But… it does hurt. A little, but it does," he said, clutching the fabric of his shirt.

Rosalie's eyes widened but quickly narrowed. "What are you saying?"

"I… don't know. I just know that I feel like a little piece of me is… gone. And I know you feel like that times a thousand. But… it's not gonna last. I know it sucks to think about, but we do have forever, Rose. It's terrifying, but it's true."

"So what? Are you telling me to just get over it?"

He closed his eyes and exhaled through his nose.

"No, but I'm telling you that sitting around moping isn't going to get you anywhere."

"Big words coming from the guy who sits around moping like it's his fucking job."

"I've been working on that, okay? Jesus Christ. What I'm trying to say is that you can't keep losing hope. You can't keep treating this shit like it's the end of the world. If you give up, then what happens? What good does that do? I'd given up on myself for most of my existence, and it was miserable. For decades, the only reason I lasted day to day was just because it's so hard for us to just fucking die. Now… Now I've got a reason to keep going. I've got hope." He stood up. "So, Bella's ignoring you. She's actually ignoring literally everyone right now, so don't start feeling special. She'll… She'll come around. I know she will. We just gotta push through this nightmare crisis and make it out the other side in one piece. And we're not gonna make it if you spend your days and nights getting wine drunk."

Rosalie ran a hand through her hair.

"Never thought I'd be getting this pep talk from you of all people."

"I've received so many lectures over the course of the past century that I've learned to give as good as I get." He swallowed the rest of his drink in one gulp. "There's gonna be a meeting with the pack in about thirty minutes. I think you should go to this one. We're discussing new scouting strategies and patrol routes."

Rosalie looked at the empty wine bottle sitting on the table beside her. She looked at Edward. He extended a hand to her.

"Yeah… I should go," she said, taking it.

-X-

Finals properly began on Monday. Even if Bella had wanted to talk to anyone, she had no time for it. She drove herself to her exams and spent any moment of spare time she had alone, using the excuse of studying. She ignored not just the Cullens, but everyone. She brushed off her family and did everything in her power to avoid her human friends (particularly Angela). She didn't have time to deal with the emotions that entangled those people. Maybe later, she kept telling herself. Maybe later.

Jasper, who was constantly privy to everyone's feelings, could tell that Bella was one step away from going over the edge. He watched her run about in a state of near panic for two days before he got tired of feeling the waves of confusion, sadness, and anxiousness that would roll off her whenever she passed him by.

In the fashion of his siblings, Jasper went to visit her one evening by climbing in through her bedroom window. She was genuinely startled by his arrival and chucked a pencil at him when he entered.

"Hey now, that's no way to greet someone," he said, catching the writing utensil and throwing it back to her.

Bella winced as it hit her shoulder.

"I was not expecting any company. Actually, I'd prefer it if you leave," she said, leaning over to pick up the pencil.

"Not gonna do that," said Jasper, laying down on her bed. "You need to talk to me, get a few things off your chest. Then I'll get out of your hair."

"I don't want to talk."

"Too bad. You gotta." He closed his eyes. "I'll wait. Take as much time as you'd like. I got nowhere to be."

Bella slumped forward in her desk chair, resting her elbows on her knees and putting her head in her hands. After a few minutes, she sat up and retrieved the bottle of cheap rum from her closet.

"I'm honestly a bit surprised that Edward hasn't come by with a bottle of vodka or something," she said.

"He's been keepin' an eye on Rosalie, much to her displeasure."

The sound of her name caused a pang of hurt in Bella's silent heart. She unscrewed the bottle cap and started pouring.

"How is she?"

"Bad. But you already knew that."

Another pang, though this was starting to feel sharp, like a needle jabbing her in the chest. It was uncomfortable—Bella hadn't experienced physical pain in months. She had been hurt for sure, but she hadn't felt it at all.

"If you're here to make me feel guilty, you can leave. I'm full to the brim with guilt. I'm a walking guilt depository," she said, pouring soda on top of the rum.

"No, I'm here to make you feel better," he said, sitting up.

"Tall order."

"I've done harder things."

She looked at him with tired eyes.

"You want a drink? I've got an extra cup around here somewhere."

"Yeah, why not."

Bella scavenged around her room and found the plastic cup in question, clean albeit a bit dusty. She went to the bathroom to rinse it out before fixing a drink for Jasper. They weakly cheersed each other before taking their first sips.

"You've been avoidin' everyone," he said.

"Yeah, I have. I just… don't have time to deal with all this. School and all."

He shook his head. "There's always time. This is all on you. So, you feel guilty. What for?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't ask me that like you weren't there."

"It's just a line of questionin', don't get your britches in a bunch."

"This is a little too therapist-y for me, Jazz."

He closed his eyes and nodded. "Alright, alright. So you feel like shit because of what happened to Angela. That's valid. It was horrible." He opened his eyes to look straight into hers. "But, I hate to break it to ya, that's life. It is the dark, unfortunate truth of the path that you have been forced to follow. And it's hard, I know, but this ain't the first time you've gone through somethin' like this, and it sure as hell won't be the last, unfortunately."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No. I'm bein' real honest with you right now." He took a sip of his drink. "And I'll be honest about somethin' else: you wallowin' around in guilt and self-pity is right selfish of you. Sure, it's your fault, but your response is to, what, hide away in your room and avoid everyone you know? All this happens, and you not only leave Rosalie on her own, but you can't even bring yourself to say a single word to Angela? Or Leah?"

Bella was starting to get mad. Jasper made no effort to curb her emotions.

"There's nothing I could say to anyone to make this better," she said, her voice so low she was almost growling.

"No," said Jasper. "No, you just don't know how to handle it. You don't know what to say. There's nothin' wrong with that, but it's better to admit it than to run away from your problems."

"How the fuck am I supposed to know how to handle this? All this supernatural bullshit? I was barely holding it together before all this started happening. There's some batshit insane vampire woman out there in the woods somewhere that's bound and determined to get her hands on me to, oh, I don't know, cut me up, I guess? Do some fucked up experiments on me? And she's willing to use the people I care about to get to me. She'll do anything. If we hadn't figured out what was going on yesterday, Angela would be dead right now—or worse. And Leah never would have forgave me. Why should I forgive myself?"

"Because you saved her."

"If it weren't for me, she never would've been in that situation in the first place!" she said, standing up suddenly.

"Well it's a damn shame we can't go back in time and change history, Bella, or we could just fix all this shit," he said. "We could fix a lotta things."

Bella was near yelling, and she had to force herself to calm down so she wouldn't wake Charlie. She took a few deep breaths and sat back down.

"What's your point, Jasper? What are you trying to get at?"

"You can't just isolate yourself and ignore all your problems. You should know full well that won't work. I know that before you came here, you didn't have anyone you could rely on, and I know that's had an impact on how you carry yourself through life. This is your default response. This is how you learned to process your trauma." He leaned forward. "But, goddammit, Bella, your life ain't like that anymore. Your father might not know anything about what's going on, but he loves you. Jacob and them, they love you too. Rosalie loves you. My drunk idiot of a brother loves you. The rest of us, Bella, we love you, dammit, and we're gonna take care of you. Not because we have to, but because we want to." He put his hand on his chest. "I know. I know more than anyone because I can feel it, every day. In little ways, but it's always there. We take care of our own, and you…"

Jasper stood up from the bed and walked over to Bella's desk. He rifled through some of the papers atop it before finding something he hadn't seen in a few days: a little leather bracelet with a Cullen crest embedded on it. He held it in front of her face. She could see his own bracelet around his right wrist, shimmering crescent scars lacing the marble-like skin underneath.

"You are one of us. You don't have to run and hide whenever somethin' bad happens. We're here for you."

Bella stared at him, at the bracelet, and slowly reached out to take it from him. She laid it on her right wrist and snapped the metal fastener closed, then brushed her thumb over the embossed crest.

"I still feel like a monster, Jazz," she said quietly. "I can't come to terms with what I've become."

Jasper turned towards the window. It was an unusually clear night, and the stars could be seen shining above the treetops.

"I told you, some time ago, that you weren't a monster. At the time, I meant it, and you needed to hear that, but I feel I was really sugarcoatin' things." He lifted the plastic cup to his mouth and finished his drink. "I stand by everythin' I said, but the truth is that we are monsters, Bella. Every day, all of us fight against our true nature—I think I do more than anyone. It's somethin' you'll need to learn to do yourself, and it's not easy. It might be the hardest thing you'll ever do, and I'm sorry you'll have to go through it. But the first step to gettin' through it is to admit to yourself that while you might be a monster, that doesn't mean you have to be the kind of monster that people expect you to be. Carlisle told me that once. That was how he saw it, right after he got turned, when he decided that he wasn't going to drink human blood. That happened to him, and he looked at the hand he'd been dealt, and he decided that he was going to play a different game with those cards."

"So, what you're saying is, if they're dealing out cards for Texas Holdem, I just have to play Bridge instead?" she asked.

"Maybe not Bridge," he replied, chuckling. "You just gotta stop playin' Solitaire, my friend."

"I get it, I get it." Bella sighed. "I know you're not the one I need to apologize to, but I'm sorry for the way I've acted. I will definitely talk to Angela, and Leah. And… Rose. Eventually."

"She needs you, Bella. I've never seen her this miserable."

She felt another sharp pain in her chest.

"I know… It's just… I can't…"

"You can't let yourself be happy."

"Are you sure Edward's the one that can read minds and not you?"

Jasper chuckled. "Sometimes emotions—" He touched his chest. "—can reveal more than thoughts." He tapped his temple. "I'm almost 200 years old, so I've had a lot of time to learn how to interpret a person's feelings."

Jasper poured himself another drink before sitting back down on her bed. Bella sat in her desk chair, turning the chair side to side and fidgeting with her hands.

"I'll go see Rose. Maybe not tonight, but soon."

"Better late than never."

Bella nodded. She opened her mouth to ask a question, but they both heard the clear sound of a door opening downstairs and stairs creaking as Charlie made his way up to her room. Bella hid the bottle of rum and Jasper leapt out the window, perching on a tree branch a good distance away, but still close enough that he would be able to see and hear what was going on. Charlie knocked lightly on Bella's door, and she pretended to be working on her essay.

"Come in."

The door opened slowly. Charlie, barely awake, was in his pajamas.

"I heard a bunch of noise up here. You're still up?"

Bella looked at the clock. It was just past 1AM.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, this final paper is really killing me. I'm sorry if I woke you up."

He scratched his head.

"It's alright… Just… get some sleep, Bells. You don't need to work yourself to death this late at night."

"Yeah, sure thing. I'll hit the hay soon, I swear. Go back to sleep."

Charlie nodded and weakly waved goodbye as he closed the door. Jasper waited until he saw the light downstairs shut off before he slipped back into Bella's room.

"Your dad really cares about you," he said, stepping lightly after crawling through the window.

"Too much. I think he's a little too lenient sometimes."

"He's just glad to have you around."

Bella closed her laptop and turned off her desk lamp. She was once again reminded that Charlie was still blissfully oblivious to the dangerous world that his daughter had gotten involved in. Now, she was starting to think that he should stay that way. Charlie cared about her more than anyone, and if he knew what she was having to go through he would probably have a heart attack. He wouldn't be able to stand it, and he would probably wind up getting himself hurt somehow trying to help her.

"Maybe I was a little too optimistic about letting dad in on all this supernatural stuff," she said as she rearranged some of the assignments strewn about her desk.

"I agree wholeheartedly, but I have to point out that it's gotten a bit out of our control now. Unless you want to concoct some crazy scheme to break up his engagement with Sue…"

"I couldn't do that to them. They seem so happy."

"So he'll find out. He has to. He's gotta know that his step-kids are wolves."

"Does he? All that means is that he's even more at risk of getting drawn into some crazy conflict like this one."

"Fortunately, events on this scale aren't exactly common. Vampires can be quite solitary and prefer to keep to themselves and their own. At the same time, there are plenty of us who have just as much of a thirst for power as they do for blood, and you end up with incredibly driven megalomaniacs like Lucrezia. Vampires are, for lack of a better term, dramatic. When you're immortal, things can get real borin' real quick, so we'll take any excuse to make a mountain out of a molehill. We also tend to get very devoted to certain people or ideas, so we're prone to tunnel vision. If a vampire is somehow wronged, they might spend decades trying to get revenge, even if the incident in question seems trivial in the eyes of a human."

"When you live forever, you obsess over the little things. I get it."

Jasper frowned. "And some vampires have been alive for so long that they barely remember what it's like to be human. Humans are just… food. Their lives are inconsequential. That's how the Volturi see it, and I'm sure that's how Lucrezia and her 'family' see it."

"Is…" Bella swallowed. "Is that… inevitable?"

Jasper's expression lightened, and he laughed a little. "No, it's not. I'm sittin' right here. And you know Carlisle. He's well over 300, and he's one of the most compassionate people I know. Cares more about humans than some humans do. And Alice, she doesn't even remember bein' a human. Sure, she gets a little weird sometimes, but she's not incapable of empathy or anythin'. She's got her head on her shoulders. I think… I think it's easier to just give in to those base instincts and let yourself become that monster, but puttin' in the work to overcome that is worth it."

Bella felt at ease, and it wasn't because Jasper had used his gift on her. His words alone had managed to calm her. She wasn't completely rid of her worries, but she felt that she was no longer operating at an irrational level. She understood his points, and she could admit that she had been acting like an idiot for the past few days.

"Don't worry about Charlie so much either," said Jasper. "We've been workin' real close with Sam and the pack, and they're doin' double time around here to make sure he doesn't get roped into all this. We're all on high alert. No more excuses. We're keepin' folks safe."

"Then why are you sitting in my room having a drink?"

Jasper grinned and knocked back his beverage.

"Touché. I better get back out there."

He sat the empty cup on her nightstand and was halfway out the window when Bella grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. He turned to look at her.

"Thanks, Jasper. I really, really mean it. You didn't have to come talk to me, but you did. I'm sorry if I was an asshole."

Jasper stepped out of the window and turned to face her. He smiled, reached out, and ruffled her hair.

"Do you know how many times I've had to do the same thing for the rest of my siblings? Edward in particular. That boy is a walking ball of nerves. I've been talkin' him down from shit since Alice and I moved in." Jasper stepped back and slipped out the window, hanging onto the side of the house. "Like I said, you're one of us, so you get the same treatment. Take care now."

And Jasper was gone. Bella hung halfway out of the window, taking in the night air and casting a quick glance at the sky, at the moon and the stars that surrounded it.

Bella knew that the moon would continue to shine, and the stars along with it.

-X-

On Friday afternoon, Bella went to La Push. She drove down winding roads, past Jacob's house, to the beach. The sky overhead was gray, and it was particularly windy. Rain could fall at any moment, but the air was warm and hugged her like a blanket as she stepped down from her truck and stood on the edge of the slope leading down from the parking lot. Below, Jacob was sitting with Angela and Leah. He had stood up when Bella arrived, looking up at her with a serious expression; he didn't look angry, but she shied away from meeting his eyes anyways.

Bella skipped the stairs and walked down the grassy, sandy slope, stumbling a bit at the bottom. Angela turned to watch as she approached, Leah's arm hung loosely over her shoulder. Bella couldn't meet her eyes either. She looked past them, at the dark, choppy water.

"Hey," said Jacob, stepping over the log they were sitting on to greet her. "How's it going?"

"It's shit, but I think we all know that."

Bella sat down on a smaller piece of driftwood across from the three of them. Jacob took a seat beside her at an awkward distance—not too close, but not too far. Bella sat with her hands clasped in her lap, looking everywhere but at the others. She had asked for this meeting, but she had no idea where to begin. There were so many things that she could say, and so many things that she was terrified to admit.

Luckily for Bella, Angela spoke first.

"Leah explained everything. And I talked to Sam too, and I met Emily and Kim. They told me about… about you, and about Rosalie, and the Cullens, so there's nothing you need to explain."

"There are some things…" Bella said quietly.

"Bella, what happened was… terrifying. I was so scared, I can't even put it into words properly. I thought they were going to kill me—"

"They were."

Angela raised a hand. "Let me finish. I thought they were going to kill me, but you and Leah and Jasper and Edward swooped in and handled everything. You guys saved me. You saved me. And I wanted to thank you, but you just... walked away."

"I'm sorry, Angela, I… I can't…" Bella leaned forward, elbows on her knees, and put a hand over her eyes. "I feel awful, and all I've ever known how to do is run away from that feeling. All this time, and I still haven't learned how to face my problems… It doesn't help that those problems get bigger and bigger every day. God, I can't believe I tried to kill myself because I thought my life sucked when I was in high school! If I had only known…"

Bella remained hunched over. With great consideration, Jacob lifted a hand and placed it on her back, gently patting her between her shoulder blades.

No one spoke. Bella collected herself and sat up. Jacob's hand returned to his lap.

"I'm truly, truly sorry, Angela. I'll say it a thousand times over, even if you don't want to hear it. This all happened because of me, but that doesn't give me any right to be selfish and hide away from the rest of the world in order to repress those bad feelings. My angst is no excuse for being a terrible person. I hope you can forgive me. And you too, Leah."

Leah wrung her hands together.

"I was… upset."

"An understatement," said Jacob, scoffing.

"Shut up. I was angry after it was all over. I was angry while it was happening. Thank Seth for talking some sense into me. He's always been the best at calming me down. I don't blame you, Bella, but I also can't ignore that, like you said, it is your fault."

"I don't blame if you want me to stay as far away from you as possible for the rest of eternity," said Bella.

"No, I don't want that. I want…" She sighed, frustrated. "I want this, I guess. A proper apology. An acknowledgment. And a promise. I want you to promise me that you'll do better than this going forward. I get mad at you because I care about you, Bella. Because we've known each other since we were babies and because you're like a sister to me sometimes, and when I found out that you… you tried to kill yourself... I was fucking heartbroken. After dad, I didn't want to lose anybody else, and I wanted to make sure that you… survived. No matter what. And everything went to shit, and now all our lives are in danger, and I don't wanna see you give up. I don't wanna see you run away. I wanna see you fight back, like you did when we jumped in that fucking ravine." Leah smiled sadly. "I'm not gonna forgive you for being a little bitch, okay? It's unacceptable."

Bella laughed even though she felt like crying.

"I obviously haven't been around to witness everything, but I can agree with what Leah has said," said Angela. "And I do forgive you, because I know you weren't trying to hurt anyone. I know that's the last thing you want."

"I'm sorry you're caught up in all this, Angela. If I could get you out somehow, I would," said Bella.

"And take her away from me?" Leah wrapped both arms around Angela and hugged her close. "Never."

Bella sighed and scooted closer to Jacob, who had bore silent witness to this entire scene. She had asked him to set up the meeting, and to be there because Bella was too afraid to talk to them on her own. He didn't need to say anything. His presence alone was enough to make her feel both comfortable and vulnerable enough to speak earnestly. He was both her safety net and her source of accountability.

Bella laid her head on his shoulder, and he put an arm around her waist. Immediately, she felt warm. Not in a sense of temperature, but inside.

Leah stood up and walked over to Bella, arm outstretched, pinky extended.

"You gotta promise me you'll do better," she said.

Bella closed her eyes, smiled, and nodded.

"Right," she said, raising her hand and looping her pinky finger with Leah's. "I promise."

Bella would not run away anymore. She would not hide from her feelings. She was not the weak girl she had been a year prior, bleeding out in a bathtub with nothing left to live for.

She had everything to live for now, even if she was no longer alive. She had a father who cared about her and a family of families that were so large and so loving. She had Jacob, and Leah, and Seth. She had Edward, Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle.

She had Rosalie.

The gray clouds overhead would not part to reveal blinding rays of sunshine. There was no daylight ahead of them. They were walking a clear path into the night, into darkness. And it would not be easy.

It would rain. The sky was turning black, and the waves were roaring, growing larger by the minute. It would rain so, so much, and so, so hard.

Raindrops began to descend, slowly, gently at first, covering the sand in wet dots. Leah stood up and hurried up the slope with Angela, towards her car. Jacob got up and stretched his back. He started to follow them, but stopped when he saw that Bella wasn't moving.

She was looking up at the sky. The rain was picking up, but she wasn't moving. She tilted her head back, letting the drops fall on her face, rolling down her cheeks like tears.

Jacob stood with her like that for a moment.

It would always rain. And that was nothing to run from.


i am pleasantly surprised by how this chapter turned out! there's a trend of me wildly deviating from my original outline and every time i've done that it's turned out way better than what was originally planned. i was in a completely different place and state of mind when i originally outlined this fic, so it only makes sense that my ideas would change over time, as they CERTAINLY have while i've been writing this fic

as angsty as this chapter is, i hope it can bring a bit of catharsis! we have gotten over a lot of emotional bumps in the road, and the next chapter is going to be a lot of tense action! so get ready! and, as always, thanks for reading!