AN- Hey everyone! So sorry for the lack of updates recently, I've been super busy recently with the lead up to Christmas and work etc., so just haven't had the time to update, but this story hasn't been forgotten I promise. I should start to have more time now as it starts to slow down to get back on track.
I wanna thank you all for your patience and positive words so far. I know some have had to let it go which I get, it's a reaaal slow burn, but for those of you hanging in there I appreciate it and promise it'll be worth the wait. A lot of you were rightly stressed and frustrated at the last chapter, I totally feel you haha, but I promise Brittana is on the near horizon now.
In response to GrrrrsRandomness, I don't know exactly how many chapters there'll be, purely because I also have a sequel planned, and I'm not sure when this story will end and the sequel will start. I'd say a good few more to go though because I don't just want this story to end when Brittana finally do get it together, and then pick up on the sequel. I want there to be a good amount of happiness in this too.
Thank you again for reading, being patient and taking the time to review. I hope you all enjoy!
5 Years Later- September 2019
Santana sat in the reception of The Fabray Hotel, idly picking away at the polish on her nails as she waited for Quinn to emerge. She frowned as she noticed the polish begin to chip, even though it was her own doing, and shoved the hand into her pocket.
"Santana Lopez?"
Santana turned around in her chair at the familiar voice that she still recognised all these years later, and low and behold, there he was in all his trouty mouth glory, his bleach blonde hair looking exactly the same as it did when she had last seen him a little over 10 years ago. It was the time she was trying to keep Mila a secret, so she had been mortified at his presence. The times before that she had held a strong resentment towards him, and just the sight of him made her involuntarily shudder. She never fully knew at the time why she had such a disliking to the (in her opinion) incredibly dumb, but harmless boy, but now she knew that it was jealousy because of her feelings for Brittany. Now, 11 years since they had both graduated McKinley High School, she felt nothing towards him but sincerity. No grudges were held, and it was nice to see a familiar face from the past. A sign of maturity, Santana thought to herself, as she mused over the fact, she'd be turning 30 next year.
"Sam Evans. Fancy seeing you here!"
Sam smiled before glancing over at the long check-in queue and turning back to Santana.
"Well there's no point in me standing in that if you've got a few minutes to catch up"
"Sure" Santana smiled, gesturing for Sam to take a seat in the chair opposite her "I'm just waiting for a friend, but I think she'll be a while yet"
"So how have you been?" Sam asked, as he sat down in the chair, leaving his luggage beside him "I think the last time I saw you was not long after we graduated, like…10/11 years ago now? You said you'd got that Nannying gig…"
Santana looked at Sam with a knowing smile. She knew that Sam had seen through her lies that day, after all he was the one who told Brittany, and as angry as she may have been at the time for his meddling, she was so glad now that he'd told her. Who knows when she would have plucked the courage up otherwise?
"I think you know I wasn't actually working as a Nanny that day…" Santana smirked, her eyebrows raised as Sam looked down with a laugh.
"Yeah…I knew as soon as I looked at her that she was yours. She was a mini you. And what with everything Brittany had told me about the way you'd been acting, and even the way you acted with me that day. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together and realise what was going on, I mean you should know because, I worked it out and…I'm no genius" he laughed, trying to make light of the situation.
"I thought my Nannying was a great on the spot excuse but…I guess you're right" Santana laughed, before turning serious "No but honestly, thank you Sam…for telling Brittany. I might not have been so thankful at the time in my head, when she told me it was you that told her, but in hindsight I'm so glad you did. Telling her was always going to be so hard for me, but luckily you doing it meant I didn't have to. Everything got so much better when she knew"
"Don't mention it" Sam shrugged, letting out an awkward laugh, he wasn't really sure where to steer the conversation, so he chose the safest option that was mutual ground for both of them "So are you still in contact with Brittany?"
Santana let out an uncontrollable smile, the same way she always did when she heard Brittany's name.
"Of course" she nodded "We're closer than ever"
"I'm glad to hear it. I thought you guys would stay close. Brittany was pretty bummed when things were rocky between you two, but I always told her you'd work things out. We stayed in contact for a bit after that but…you know how life gets in the way. I haven't heard anything from her in years now. How is she doing? What is she getting up to?"
"Well…" Santana began, as she prepared to fill Sam in on Brittany's life in a nutshell.
When Brittany left for the Aladdin tour in December 2014, it left a hole in both hers and Santana's heart. They both missed each other desperately, both secretly harbouring their love for each other, and looking for distractions to ease the pain. For Brittany, the fast pace of tour life was a good distraction, but not good enough that she could forget about Santana. To do that, she'd have to cut her off completely, but that was an impossible task. Instead they did the opposite and found a way to FaceTime every day, no matter the time difference. It made their friendship even stronger, but their pining for each other harder. Brittany found herself in a string of pointless hook ups. It felt good for her in a way, because she'd been in a serious relationship since she was 18, and it was the first time she was able to have fun and embrace single life. But she knew she would have traded that in for a relationship with Santana any day. They were always just fun, casual hook ups, never anything more. Interestingly enough, despite being hyper aware of her sexuality, Brittany never hooked up with girls. The furthest she went, was making out with a girl in France, but it didn't feel right to her. She couldn't deny being insanely attracted to her, and to so many other girls along the way in her travels, but she felt like her heart belonged to one girl, and one girl only. She almost felt stupid for letting her seemingly unrequited love stand in the way, but she couldn't help the way she felt. She wanted Santana to be the first and only girl to touch her, so for now, that was how it was going to stay.
As the days drew by, Santana found herself counting down the days, hoping that the year would go down without a hitch, and that Brittany would return in December 2015 as promised, then she could tell her how she felt about her. Luckily, Santana didn't need to wait as long as anticipated before seeing Brittany again, because for her 25th birthday her parents surprised her with plane tickets for her and Mila to go to London, at the same time Brittany would be there on tour. Brittany was of course, involved with the surprise and on hand with the planning, and when June rolled around she couldn't help but let out tears as she greeted her best friend and her 6 year old goddaughter (who Brittany pretended had grown loads to amuse the little girl, but really she was as petite as ever), at Heathrow Airport.
It was Santana and Mila's first time out of America, and Brittany relished in their excitement, determined to be the perfect tour guide. They did all of the stereotypical tourist things, photos outside Buckingham Palace, a trip up the London Eye, shopping on Oxford Street which ended in Brittany racking up a bill on her credit card buying half of Hamleys Toy Store for Mila, much to Santana's disproval.
They of course got to see Aladdin, and Brittany made sure they had the full star treatment, seating them in a box complete with butler service. Mila had gone all out in her Princess Jasmine costume, and Santana and Brittany savoured the joy in her eyes, the same expression mirrored in her face from when they had taken her to her first Taylor Swift concert 2 years previously. Perhaps their favourite part though, was the backstage tour, when the three of them had taken a magic carpet ride together at the permission of the director Kurt, who Brittany had become rather close with. As Brittany held on tight to Santana, who held on tight to Mila, despite the harnesses keeping them safely in place, she felt an intense happiness wash over her, and an innate knowing that this was how life was meant to be. Enjoyable memorable moments as a family, with Santana and Mila in her arms.
They shared many sweet moments like this on the trip, and lots of funny moments too, such as the time when they got lunch down by the lake in Hyde Park, where a waitress had boldly told Santana she looked like an American singer. Brittany and Santana had sat for ages, trying to work out who the waitress could be confusing her with, until it became a game of process of elimination. Eventually, they figured out it was JLO, and the two of them couldn't stop laughing.
"Maybe I'll start calling you JLO from now on. Or better still…SLO" Brittany had joked, as Santana belly laughed with the hilarity that she, little old Lima Heights Adjacent Santana Lopez, had been mistaken for JLO.
"I mean it's a compliment…maybe I should come to the UK more often" Santana chuckled.
"Well Miss Lopez...I actually happen to think you're hotter than JLO" Brittany winked, causing a blush to rise to Santana's cheeks.
As always, the goodbye was hard, but they did well to keep the tears in to stop Mila getting upset. Although, Santana did let a few silent ones slip out when they were flying over Spain, safe in the knowledge Mila was fast asleep, the excitement of the trip having truly worn her out. All she could repeat to herself in her head as comfort, were the promises from Brittany that she'd be back in 6 months. She could only hope the tour wasn't extended, or that Brittany wasn't tempted back to New York or something like that.
Much to Santana's delight, Brittany stuck to her word, and she did return to Lima in December 2015. Unfortunately, that joy was pretty short lived, because by May 2016, Brittany was up and out of Lima again. This time, heavily encouraged by Kurt who had landed the Director job, she had taken on the role as Lead Choreographer for the National Tour of Aladdin.
Santana was shattered when Brittany delivered the news she was leaving again, it was almost too good to be true that she would return to Lima and stay forever. It just felt like another of those moments where the invisible string would thrust them back together, only to expand and push them back apart again, with each girl still holding on by a thread. Santana could only hope that one of the times they'd be thrust together again, everything would be in sync and Santana would finally be able to tell Brittany how she felt. So far, every time that had happened, something had got in the way that made it clear to Santana it was the wrong timing. It was something that made her love and hate her belief in fate. She loved it because it kept her positive and assured her that if Brittany and her were meant to be, they'd find their way to one another one day, but she hated it because her strong belief of signs and divine timing held her back in moments when she just wanted to blurt out the way she felt.
Always one to try and find a positive in every situation, Santana was thankful that the distance between her and Brittany wasn't as bad as the last tour. She was only ever a short flight away now, and the time difference was obviously easier. It actually allowed them to create some great new memories together and gave her and Mila more excuse to travel to see Brittany. Like the time they had gone on their first ever trip to LA in September 2016, something Santana was more than excited about because she had always been intrigued by Hollywood, but never had the chance to visit. As they rode in Brittany's rental car from the airport, they shared a laugh at how Santana had gotten so overly excited at her first glimpse at the Hollywood sign, while Mila's scream of excitement had come when the radio started playing Bad Blood. Mila Grace Lopez, ever the Taylor Swift fan. Hollywood in itself wasn't quite as glamorous as it cracked up to be, but Santana and Mila still had a great time taking in the sights, going on tours, and spending long sunny days on the beautiful Californian beaches. But, as excited as she was seeing Katy Perry's house on the Hollywood Homes tour they had done one day, Santana's favourite part of the trip was just a simple BritBrit Santana night, when Kurt had kindly offered to watch Mila (the little girl had taken a huge shining to him on the few times she had met him) , leaving Brittany free to take Santana out for the night, to her favourite spot for dinner. It almost felt like a date. Almost.
When the tour landed in Nashville in March 2017, just in time for an excitable little girl's 8th birthday, it seemed fitting for them to visit, with Mila dying to see the place where her idol started out. In true touristy Santana and Mila style, with tour guide Brittany on hand, they visited all the Music City landmarks, and took in the neon lights of the bustling Nashville streets. They humoured Mila with a game of "Spot Taylor Swift" even though they knew it was more likely to have seen her on one of their many trips to New York, or on their recent trip to LA. As amazing as the Nashville scene was, Santana found that as always her favourite memories with Brittany were always the simplest, and on this occasion, it was the day they sat haphazardly in Centennial Park, Santana using Brittany's legs as a pillow as they watched Mila play. The spring-time sun lit the leaves up golden, as they embarked towards the Parthenon, Brittany keen to make sure they had seen every sight. Santana loved the way Brittany had seen so many places now through her work, and she always made an effort to explore each and every one and uncover all the history.
As summer 2017 rolled around, the tour wound up with a month of shows in Chicago, and Brittany could tick off yet another successful run as Lead Choreographer. She enjoyed her time in Chicago the most of all, as the fast-paced city life reminded her of the New York buzz she had come to miss so much. By the end of the run, she found herself at a bit of a crossroads. Life in Lima felt so far away now, and she had become accustomed to the fast and ever-changing pace of life on the road. With both Brittany and Kurt having fostered good relationships with Disney after all their work on Aladdin, they were both scouted to work on the Broadway opening of Frozen, which was due to open in March 2018. Work was to begin immediately, so there wasn't much time to reach a decision, and Brittany was extremely reluctant at first. In her mind, she had closed the chapter of New York, but with Kurt seeing how much she truly missed life in the big city, he encouraged her to give life in New York a second chance. A clean slate, a new start from her old life there, with Kurt by her side (now solidified as her Gay BFF after of course, Santana). So, she took the opportunity, and moved back to New York in September 2017.
Now it was September 2019, and Brittany had been situated back in New York ever since, earning rave reviews as the Choreographer for Frozen, with two associate's underneath her to manage and keep her busy. Just like the old days, the frequent trips to New York had started up again for Santana and Mila, and of course Brittany would return to Lima where possible.
Santana had just come to accept that Brittany was always destined for bigger and brighter things than the world of Lima, and as much as she had hoped they'd have their little family life together that she had never stopped picturing over the past 5 years, she was just happy her best friend was doing so well for herself. She couldn't not smile, as she relayed all the details to Sam at just how great Brittany was, boasting about all her achievements as if they were her own.
"Wow! That's awesome. I'm so happy she's doing so well for herself." Sam smiled, his face one of genuine happiness for his ex-girlfriend.
"I always knew she'd do great things" said Santana wistfully.
"Hey, you've done some great things too though I mean, being a Mom has gotta be the greatest job in the world"
Santana nodded in agreement, but she didn't foresee the pang of sadness that hit her as she thought about the fact Brittany had been robbed of that role. Had Brittany not miscarried, the baby (still affectionately dubbed Poppy), would have been four-and-a-half by now. Santana thought of the miscarriage often, and she'd had countless discussions with Brittany about it. Time had healed Brittany's pain, and she was able to open up about it a lot more now, but there were still occasions it hit her. Anniversaries were the worst; the due date, the date it had happened, but sometimes it would just hit out of nowhere too. Santana was always the first person that Brittany would reach for, when she needed to talk or simply just some comfort. The giant tree in the Pierce's garden, that Santana had suggested they planted to help Brittany manage her grief and find a sense of closure, was a constant but touching reminder of the loss. Santana couldn't help but picture a blonde haired blue-eyed little girl (she trusted Brittany's instinct that it would have been a girl), the absolute double of her mother, laced with all the traits that she loved in Brittany so much. It was something she visualised often, and sometimes the little girl she had conjured up even appeared in her dreams. The thought brought her happiness and sadness all at once, but she didn't have much time to dwell before Sam broke her out of her reverie.
"When I saw your little one, she was a new-born. She must be pretty big now huh?"
"Yeah she's not such a baby anymore" Santana laughed "well…she's my baby, and she always will be, but she's pretty big that's for sure. She's ten now, just started in her final year of Elementary School"
"Woah that's crazy…"
"That I'm a single mother to a ten-year-old girl? I know, I never pictured it for me either" Santana joked "Wouldn't change a thing though" she added, her eyes alight in a way they only sparkled when she was talking about her daughter, or Brittany.
"Do you…well, I guess I wanted to ask if you ever hear from Puck?" Sam asked tentatively, shooting Santana a knowing glance.
It took Santana a moment to register, before her brow creased into a frown. She never told anyone about Puck being Mila's dad, her family knew of course, Quinn even though she didn't know him, but that was that. Brittany of course knew, but Santana knew she wouldn't ever tell Sam that information.
"Wait how do you know about that?"
"I bumped into him in Miami, I wanna say like five/six years ago? I had a shoot there, and we winded up at the same party. I hadn't heard from him in years, but we caught up, he didn't have much to say. His life just seemed to be cruising by, girls, parties, no level of seriousness and same old Puck I guess…until he got drunk and told me everything. Said he had a kid with you that he'd never even met, and he felt guilty about it, because he'd done to his kid what his dad had done to him, what he'd always resented him for. He actually got quite emotional…I couldn't believe it. Maybe seeing someone from his High School past brought it all back up I don't know, but I told him straight up. I told him he was an idiot for missing out on his kids' life, in fact I called him worse than an idiot. I know Puck's not got a good track record, but I can't believe he abandoned you both like that. I guess I wanted to know if he ever took my advice?"
Santana swallowed thickly, as she began to recount her daughter's turbulent relationship with her father.
She never knew the reason for Noah Puckerman's sudden reappearance back in her life in July 2015 when he showed up outside of her workplace, begging for a chance to see the six-year-old daughter he had never met. The trouble with living in a small town like Lima was that there was nowhere to hide. Everyone knew everything about everyone, and Puck would only need to ask someone he used to know to find out where Santana frequented. Maybe Sam's little pep talk had done it, the one she didn't know about at the time, or maybe Puck had just finally had an epiphany that he was missing out on the most special little girl. Regardless, his appearance was too little, too late, and saying Santana wasn't pleased to see him, would be an understatement.
"I've changed and I've grown as a person and I've really been thinking about my life and how I want it to be better. I really want to meet her Santana; I am her dad."
Santana looked at the man in disbelief, still the same Puck that she knew, but broader and older looking. His infamous mohawk had been switched out for a combover, which Santana secretly thought made him look ridiculous. She really couldn't see a shred of her daughter in this man, standing in front of her. His words seemed genuine, but why now? Why the sudden appearance into Mila's life? For years she had asked about having a dad, and it seemed that now she was suddenly at peace with it. What if this caused a whole lot of confusion and upset for the little girl?
"Dad!?" Santana scoffed "What exactly do you think qualifies you for that title, considering you've never even shown an interest in our daughter? Where were you 'dad' when she woke up screaming with colic for the first few months, or cut her first tooth? Or took her first steps!?"
Santana could feel the rage pouring out of her, and this time, she couldn't blame it on Snixx. It was purely her own rage. Puck simply sighed.
"Look I get it okay? I bailed on you. I was a total jerk. But there hasn't been a single day in the last 6 years that I haven't wondered what she's like. Is she like me? Did she luck out on the gene front?"
Santana shook her head in irony.
"You are so full of shit!" she scowled, turning to walk away from him, but Puck stopped her.
"You have to give me a chance okay? I can be different. I am different. I promise. Do you want me to crawl on my hands and knees? Anything Santana, I'm begging you?"
Santana was mortified, as Puck proceeded to get on his knees in the street, drawing attention to them. She knew what he was doing.
"Just get up idiot!" she said, pulling him up to stand and trying to evade the looks from passers-by. She took a deep breath and recollected her thoughts, before addressing Puck once more.
"Look, if this was about me, I'd be driving you to the airport right now myself and shipping you back to Miami or whatever hole you've crawled out of"
"You'd be right to" Puck added.
"I need to think about this okay? You can't just come here and expect me to cave and let you into Mila's life at the drop of a hat. I won't do anything that's going to hurt her or cause her stress, because believe me Puckerman, protecting that little girl's heart is my life's work. So you need to give me some time".
Puck agreed, and Santana went home to call Brittany for advice, hoping she'd still be awake. She was now in France so the time difference was pretty significant. Luckily, Brittany was awake, and she listened and soothed and advised Santana the way she always did.
After a few more conversations with the people she trusted; Quinn, her family etc., she decided to give Puck a chance. One chance, but she swore if he messed it up his life wouldn't be worth living.
Puck did seem to have turned over a new leaf, he was settled, he actually had a girlfriend who he'd been with for over a year and he had secured a decent (and legal) job. So as hesitant as Santana was to potentially cause upheaval in Mila's life, she thought it was only fair to both Mila and Puck, to give him a chance.
All she could do was be guided by her daughter, and if at any point she seemed uncomfortable, she'd tell Puck where to go. Of course, it was her that had to have all of the tough conversations and answer all of Mila's questions, while Puck just got to show up with ice cream and presents and play dad.
It was summer break, and they started off doing things together as a three. Puck's girlfriend Stacey wasn't happy about the "family days out", but Santana didn't care. There was no way she was going to just leave her 6-year-old in Puck's care, she needed to build up that trust, and so did Mila. It wasn't like Santana actually wanted to spend time with Puck either, she was doing it all for Mila. On one occasion she'd let her mouth run away with her after overhearing Stacey complaining as she argued with Puck at the door, while Santana and Mila waited for him in the car, picking him up to go to Old Field Beach for the day.
"Mama will be back in a second sweetheart" Santana smiled at Mila, making sure the windows were closed and doors were locked, before she headed out of the car and stormed up the path.
"Now listen here ditzo. I don't want your man okay!? I've had him, and let me tell you, not worth the fuck, but also just to put your tiny little mind at rest, I'm actually a lesbian."
She laughed sharply as she watched Stacey and Puck's faces fall in shock. She'd only seen Puck a handful of times and all of those times had been focused on Mila. She hadn't had the want or need to tell Puck her life story, so it was his first time hearing it too.
"That's right. You heard correct. I'm a les-bi-an" she enunciated with a smirk "so can you please quit with your crap and let him off the leash, because I have a 6-year-old waiting in the car who wants to go to the beach"
Stacey never said a word after that, but Santana knew she didn't like her, which was fine by Santana because she didn't think much of Stacey either. As the summer went on and Mila and Puck got to know each other more, Santana felt her trust begin to build. They were beginning to form a sweet bond, and Puck, despite all his previous misgivings, seemed to genuinely dote on his daughter. So, when Puck asked if he could take Mila out with Stacey the week before she was due to go back to school and start 1st Grade, Santana finally cut the apron strings loose. Still it didn't stop her worrying the whole time.
"It's just a couple of hours at the park, chill out!" she had told herself. And sure enough, she didn't need to worry, because Puck delivered Mila home on time as promised, and it seemed like he really was a changed man. Once Santana knew she could trust them to spend time alone, they started doing it more often, Santana secretly thankful that she no longer had to spend "family time" with Puck.
Soon Puck was pushing for more, and he wanted to have Mila stay the night at his place. Santana was unsure. Mila was her most precious thing, and she only ever trusted leaving her with her parents, Quinn and Brittany. She'd let Mila go for sleepovers at her best friends Lily's house, but only because she had gotten to know Lily's mom fairly well. One Saturday in late October she walked into Mila's room to find her painting on her easel.
"Hi baby, what are you drawing?" she smiled, walking over to observe the painting that she knew she'd think amazing, no matter what; because it was done by Mila. Mila was actually pretty good at painting, but she could have painted one black splodge, and Santana still would have hung it up on the fridge and gushed about it.
"It's a new family portrait Mama, look" Mila smiled proudly, pointing to the paper "See this is our house, because one day we will live in a big house with a garden. This is us in my bedroom telling stories, and I put Abuela in the kitchen because that's where Abuela always is. Uncle Pabby is on the couch watching TV, and Abuelo is out in the garden mowing the lawn. Then that's Aunty Quinny, I put her in the bathroom so she can stare at the mirror because she likes doing that"
Santana let out a laugh.
"What about Aunty Brit-Brit?"
"Silly Mami" Mila laughed "She's right here of course! Right next to us telling stories. Because when she comes home, she's always with us"
Santana smiled, both at Mila's words, and at the fact she had placed Brittany in the "immediate picture". All the other extended family members were in various rooms, but Brittany was with them, just like she was supposed to be in reality.
"Of course, she is sweetie" said Santana, ruffling Mila's long dark hair "Oh…wait…who's this in the sky?"
"That's…that's daddy" Mila smiled bashfully, looking to Santana for approval. It was the first time she had ever referred to Puck as her dad. She knew he was her dad, but neither Santana or Puck wanted to put pressure on her or would have expected her to start calling him dad straight away. She had been affectionately calling him "Pucky" instead, until now.
Santana reached out and took Mila into a hug, silently letting her know it was okay for her to call Puck dad, but without making too big of a deal of it. It was a big step, and she didn't want to freak her out.
"Good girl Meels, it's a great painting baby"
"Thank you, Mama"
Deciding now could be a good time to bring up Puck's suggestion, Santana reached out and took her daughters hands.
"Mila, do you think you would like to sleep over at your…daddy's...house some time?" she asked carefully. She rubbed soothing patterns over Mila's hands as the little girl looked down, nervously chewing her lip.
"…I'm not so sure about that"
Santana tilted Mila's head up, rushing to comfort her.
"Hey, sweetheart! That's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do okay? I promise. I just wanted you to know that if you ever want to, you can. It would be okay with me and it would be okay with your daddy. But we only want you to do what makes you happy little one".
She held out her pinky, smiling as Mila hooked on, the same routine her and Brittany used to have as children. Nothing could ever break that kind of promise.
But Santana did have to break that promise.
The New Year rolled around, and Puck and Stacey really took hold of the saying new year, new start. They wanted a baby. But not just any baby. They wanted Mila. When Santana got the letter through saying Puck was applying for primary custody, she almost burst into flames. She couldn't believe the audacity of him turning up after years of being an absent father, bouncing back into their lives for 6 months, and now expecting primary custody. There was no way in hell, Santana was going to let that happen, and she pulled out her cell to make 3 phone calls.
The 1st, calm and collected, as it was a call to her lawyer, who confirmed that Puck had indeed filed for primary custody.
The 2nd a very angry call, as she screamed profanities at Puck and demanded to know over and over again how he could do this. It turned out Stacey and Puck had been trying for a baby for a while, then they found out she couldn't have children, so now they wanted Mila. Santana was in disbelief. She yelled at Puck, in a way she'd never yelled before, telling him that he'd planned this all along. Puck protested, said he genuinely did want to meet his daughter, and it wasn't all a ploy to steal her away, he just wanted a chance to catch up on what he'd missed on on, but Santana wasn't so sure. When Puck had said "Come on Santana, it's only fair. You've had 6 years with her to yourself" she had to hang up the phone. She couldn't listen to his crap anymore. 6 years of Mila to herself, all because Puck couldn't stand up and be a father.
The 3rd call an emotionally drained one, that came after she had screamed and shouted and raged as much as she could, was to Brittany. Her life support. As soon as Brittany head the sobs escape Santana's lips as she tried to explain what Puck was doing, Brittany was in the car and on the way round to Santana's.
Santana felt it ironic, that Brittany had only been back in Lima from her world tour a couple of weeks. Things were starting to feel good again, but now this had happened. She began to wonder if life was playing cruel tricks on her. Brittany was of course amazing, and she comforted Santana and told her that there was no way any judge was going to allow this to happen. She even offered to call Denver, but Santana told her not to. She wasn't going to put Brittany through that.
All Santana could do, was prepare for the impending legal battle, the Social Worker visits, the examination of her child and her parenting skills, the court case.
It started off with the Social Worker suggesting Mila stayed the night with Puck and Stacey, since she never had before. It was just a one-off occasion, but Mila was uneasy about it, meaning Santana was too. Still, she of course tried to mask her worries and make it seem exciting for Mila. Brittany had come around for moral support, and she watched Santana packing Mila's overnight bag with a sad smile.
"She'll be okay San" Brittany assured, crossing the room to give Santana a much-needed hug.
Santana sighed as she relaxed into Brittany's arms.
"I know that she doesn't want to stay there, and I promised her she wouldn't have to. Brit she barely knows him."
"I know. I know honey. But it's out of your hands. We just have to put a brave face on for her and let her know it's all going to be okay"
But that was easier said than done, because when Puck arrived and Mila got teary, Santana felt herself getting emotional as well. Luckily, Brittany was there to take charge of the situation.
"Hi Mila" Puck smiled, as he waited by the door.
"Hi Daddy" said Mila shyly, clinging onto Brittany's leg.
"Are you all excited for our first sleepover?"
Mila shrugged, her grip on Brittany's leg tightening.
"Where am I going to sleep?" she asked, uncertainly.
"It's going to be okay Moo, I bet you're going to have so much fun. And tomorrow, your daddy will drop you right back off again, and me, you and Mama can have a fun day out together" she soothed, bending down to the little girls' level as Santana tried to keep her composure.
"I have a bed all made up for you in the spare room" said Puck. He noticed how unimpressed Mila looked, and tried a little harder. "Hey- I hear that you like ballet. I even managed to get you a bed set with ballerinas on"
"I love ballet" Mila smiled.
"And guess what else? I can finally try and teach you some of my guitar. You can be just like Taylor Swift" said Puck, taking his enthusiasm up a notch now that he had Mila smiling.
Mila giggled, and the sound was music to Santana's ears. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard.
"Ready to come with Daddy now Mila?" Puck asked.
"Okay" Mila nodded, still a little uncertain, but feeling better than she did before.
She kissed Santana and Brittany goodbye, and as they watched her drive off in Puck's car, the little girl waving through the window; Brittany placed a supportive hand on the small of Santana's back.
"He won't win this you know. The court will see just how much happier Mila is here with you."
"Promise?"
"Promise." Brittany swallowed, just praying she was right. "Now how about I pour you a glass of wine? You look like you need it."
But much like Santana had made a broken promise to Mila that she wouldn't have to stay with her father against her will, Brittany's promise to Santana about the courts taking Santana's side, was also broken.
When Santana got the news that Puck had been awarded Joint Custody, she felt like she had been punched in the gut. It was on a trial basis, for six months to start off with, but none of that mattered to Santana from the minute she was told Mila wouldn't be with her for three and half days a week.
That night, Santana raged and ranted and shouted, she cursed Puck with every word that she knew, and then her anger melted away to leave her with just one emotion. Sadness. And she cried and cried and cried.
"It's not fair. It's always been just the two of us. Me and Mila against the world. And you know what this isn't about me. It's about Mila. If I thought that she was happy with this, I'd learn to be okay with it, but she's not. She gets upset every time she has to stay the night at Puck's. Now she has to live there for half the week!?"
"Did they give you a reason for the decision?" Quinn asked softly.
"Some crap about Mila benefitting from having a male role model in her life. I mean they must have overlooked the fact she's had 6 years without a dad and been completely fine. She's always had my dad and Pablo. And what kind of sexist world is it that we're living in that she needs a male role model? She was doing just fine!" Santana ranted, her anger beginning to build again.
"I know six months seems like a long time, but we're going to get you through it, San, I promise you that. We need to be strong for Mila. Nothing is set in stone yet honey" Brittany soothed.
Santana nodded; she could only hope that the trial period would let them see that this wasn't the right option for the little girl and count down the days until the hearing to assess the trial period. Why did it always feel like she was living life counting down the days for something to be over?
The knowledge that it was only a trial period did little to no good in making things any easier for Santana. They were a month into the new arrangement, and as every Sunday rolled around she'd be filled with dread, it was the day where Puck would take Mila with him until Santana could pick her up from school on a Wednesday afternoon (grateful her work had agreed to let her finish a couple hours early on a Wednesday so she could spend that precious extra time with her daughter). Mila would get extremely teary on a Sunday, and Santana just didn't know how much more she could take, watching her daughter sobbing and distressed as she was bundled into the car by Puck. It had just about broken her heart when one night Mila had cautiously asked her if the reason she had to go live with Puck was because Santana didn't want her anymore. The fact that Santana had once considered giving Mila up for adoption hit her like a truck, when she heard those words tumble out of her daughter's mouth. It had always been her worst nightmare for Mila to think she wasn't wanted
Mila was becoming withdrawn and distracted at school, and Santana's behaviour suffered too, as she became increasingly snappy and distant from those around her. The one person who could always ground her again, was Brittany, and she made a point to always be there on a Sunday for the dreaded handover.
That fourth Sunday was the breaking point. Another day of watching Mila cry and scream and plead as Puck robotically carried her away.
"Please Mama, don't make me go. I'll be good, I promise. I'll do better! Mami, please!"
As Santana bit her lip to stop the tears, Brittany squeezed her hand tightly. On spotting Brittany, Mila tried a different approach.
"Aunty Brit-Brit please. Please let me stay here. I want to stay with you"
All Brittany could do was close her eyes, the pain of seeing Mila so distraught too much to bear. She couldn't for the life of her understand why Puck would put his daughter through this.
As they watched Mila be driven away once more, Santana broke down.
"I can't take this anymore Brit. I just can't."
Before Brittany could do anything to stop her, Santana was in the kitchen, hysterically knocking everything she came into contact with off the counter. Plates, glasses and cups smashing against the cold hard floor, barely masking the sounds of Santana's loud, heavy sobs.
Brittany calmly moved towards Santana and pulled her hands down by her side in one swift movement, as the Latina struggled against her.
"Babe stop, please! You're going to hurt yourself" she pleaded.
After some efforts, Santana stopped fighting against Brittany, and she let Brittany pull her in tight, Santana's sobs wreaking both of their bodies as they sank down to the floor.
Brittany had never felt so helpless. Santana had never felt so distraught. But luckily, that Sunday where she had hit breaking point was the start of things getting better.
The following Friday, as Santana prepared to have a nice weekend with Mila before the dreaded Sunday rolled around again, she received a phone call from the judge. They had heard reports from Mila's school, along with the Social Worker who had be recently spoke to Mila about the new arrangement, and they were aware of the impact it was having on the little girl. It was deemed as being too detrimental on Mila's wellbeing, so they were putting a stop to the trial period. Santana was granted sole physical custody with immediate effect, with Puck entitled to frequent visitation, that had to at least be granted every two weeks. The feeling of relief that flooded Santana when she heard those broke her into tears again. She had never cried before as much as she had in the past 4 months. She was just so happy it was all over, for her sake, but most importantly for Mila's.
It was an emotional and heavily strenuous few months, that she couldn't have got through without the loved ones around her. What it did mean though, is that she hadn't had chance to tell Brittany how she really felt. Pretty much the whole time Brittany had been back, Santana had been so distracted by the court proceedings. All of her attention was on Mila, and she didn't have space in her heart for anything else. By the time things had begun to settle again, with Mila happy and returning to her old self, Brittany was heading out of Lima again to pastures new. Once again, they were being pulled apart, and Santana was beginning to wonder if there'd ever be a right time. If they'd ever be on the same wavelength.
3 and a half years on from what Santana still described as the most distressing time in her life, Puck was still in the picture, but he generally stuck to seeing Mila every two weeks. He could have pushed for more, but he didn't. At first, Santana had been worried he'd try again for custody, but he never did. She guessed that as much as he was a selfish idiot for putting Mila through that in the first place, even he wouldn't be cruel enough to put Mila through that again. He wasn't the most reliable of fathers. Sometimes he'd skip out on weekends he was supposed to have Mila, or he'd show up late and have her waiting on the stairs for ages with her coat and shoes on ready to go. They didn't have the closest of relationships, and it was clear to Santana that she looked at him as more of a family friend than a father, but he was still in Mila's life, so it was better than the first 6 years without him. There was a layer of hostility there on Santana's part, because she still couldn't believe Puck had even tried what he'd done, but she hid it well for Mila's sake. Puck was Puck. He was Mila's dad, and Santana knew he did love her in his own roundabout way.
Sam nodded as he listened carefully to Santana's summarised account of what had gone down with Puck and the role, he played in Mila's life now.
"Wow. I mean…I always knew he was a douche but…not to that extent. I'm sorry you had to go through that" he said softly, and Santana smiled. She wasn't even sure why she was opening up so much to someone she hadn't seen since High School. Someone who she admittedly couldn't stand before, but Sam seemed genuine, and she was enjoying chatting to him.
"You got a photo of what she looks like now?" Sam asked.
Santana nodded proudly and she took out her phone to show Sam her background of the 10-year-old proudly holding her dance trophies in a recent photo.
"Well she's definitely a mini Lopez, that's for sure" Sam laughed, after observing the photo, before his expression suddenly changed.
"Sorry I…I keep saying Lopez just assuming…" he stuttered nervously, before looking down at Santana's hands to catch a clue.
"It's okay, I'm still a Lopez" Santana laughed "No-ones been lucky enough to put a ring on me yet" she joked.
"You have anyone lined up for the role?"
"Well, I have a girlfriend but…I'm not looking to get married anytime soon" Santana shrugged.
She knew the last time she had seen Sam; he would have definitely assumed she was straight. It never failed to amuse her how the coming out process just never stopped. You think everybody knows, but there's always someone you haven't seen for years who you have to tell. Some people would be shocked, some would pretend to be but really, they already heard the news on the grapevine. Lima was small, and people gossiped, so it wasn't uncommon for word to get around. She had no idea if Sam had heard anything over the years, nor did she really care. If Sam was shocked, he didn't show it.
"Ah sweet. How long have you guys been together?"
It was the night that Brittany left for Germany that Santana had first hooked up with Dani, in a desperate void to fill the ache in her heart. She was sure Dani knew she was using her, but she didn't really care. She needed something to take her mind off things. She made sure Dani knew the boundaries. This wasn't them getting back together, and there'd certainly be no discussion of the proposal, this was simply just no-strings-attached fun. From there, they built a casual arrangement where they started sleeping together again.
Of course, it was naïve for Santana to think that Dani didn't have deeper intentions, and that she wasn't hoping their casual arrangement would turn into something more again, and eventually they did start going on dates again. Dani started staying over more again and doing things with Mila. They didn't put a statement on their relationship, so not to confuse Mila when they didn't know what was fully going on, but they were certainly acting more like a couple again. It had happened unconsciously, and Santana knew Dani thought they were back together, she just didn't want to be the one to ruin things by verbalising it. The idea of not verbalising it suited Santana as well, because she knew in her heart of hearts, that as much as she enjoyed Dani's company and thought she was a nice girl, that she was just rebounding with her to fill the void of Brittany.
"So…what exactly are you guys? Are you dating again?" Brittany had asked trying to sound as casual as possible when Santana had visited London.
Santana chewed her lip as she thought about her answer. She couldn't say "Well actually Brit, I'm kind of just using her to distract myself from you because I'm in love with you, and I'm just waiting for you to get back home so I can tell you that". So instead she settled for;
"Well I don't know Brit, I guess we are seeing each other again. And neither of us are seeing other people but…I don't wanna put a label on it you know? Not after the proposal thing. We're just taking things slow. Having fun, you know?"
Brittany cringed slightly at the last part, the mere thought of Santana having sex with Dani was something she never wanted in her mind.
"How about you? Have you…you know, explored that other part of you yet?" Santana asked, equally trying to sound casual as she prayed the answer would be no.
"You mean had sex with a woman?" Brittany asked, cutting to the chase.
Santana blushed and nodded. The thought of Brittany with a woman was hot but, she also didn't want to think about Brittany with a woman that wasn't herself. Heck, she didn't want to think about Brittany with anyone. Boy or girl.
"Nope. No women yet San" Brittany said simply, and Santana could barely hide the small smile that crept up on her face.
So, the months carried on with Dani and Santana in their silent understanding of whatever the hell they were. She was pleased that Dani was taking things as they were, not piling the pressure on. She guessed the rejected proposal had made her think twice about doing that.
It was the custody battle where Dani really stepped up for Santana and showed how much she really cared about her. Santana actually began to feel bad that she had been somewhat stringing Dani along, when she had feelings for someone else that she planned on acting on as soon as this was all over. Dani was a great girl, and Santana did really like her, and she knew in an alternate universe where there was no Brittany, they'd probably actually work.
Regardless of her feelings for Dani, or lack thereof, she was incredibly appreciative of Dani's support during the time, and she hoped they would stay friends regardless of what happened between them.
Of course, Brittany had left again soon after the custody battle came to a close, so Santana had never told her the feelings. That came around at a time when Dani had finally plucked up the courage to ask what their relationship was.
"What are we Santana? Because you know I love you, and seeing you struggle these past few months has made me realise that even more. And in being there for you, I've felt so close to you and…I'd really like to be your girlfriend again"
And with Brittany gone and out of the picture once more, Santana found herself agreeing to officially date Dani again. They pretty much were anyway, just without the label. She needed to try find happiness elsewhere. She couldn't just keep hanging on to this invisible thread of Brittany, while Brittany went off and lived a separate life. If they were going to end up together, they'd end up together, but right now Dani was here and she loved her and she was promising to make her happy, so she took that chance and she ran with it.
As soon as Dani got the green light that they were official, things began to pick up. She started staying around all the time, and soon she began to hint at them moving in together. Santana was hesitant. She'd never lived with anyone before, and she also had a child to consider, so she wasn't going to give into that straight away.
Needless to say, Dani stayed around so often that it was pretty much like she had moved in. And then when Dani's father passed away in February 2017, leaving behind inheritance that would allow her to buy a house, she raised the idea of Santana and Mila coming with her. They could buy a house together, a new start, a garden for Mila; Dani had said. And once again Santana found herself agreeing. They had been on and off for almost 3 years now, and most of that time they were on.
They'd been living in their 3-bed house in Sherwood, not too far from Lima Heights Adjacent where Santana's parents still lived, for two and a half years now. Santana did love Dani. In their years together they'd managed to build a life and a home together, and bring each other happiness, but she knew deep down it was more a relationship of convenience than one built from love. She was a companion, someone who stopped her getting lonely, someone who she could home to on a night. She loved Dani in a way that she cared about her, but she wasn't in love with her the way she was with Brittany. No matter what, she couldn't shake Brittany, but their lives didn't look to be crossing paths anytime soon.
She never admitted it to anyone, but in recent months, the cracks in her relationship with Dani were really starting to show. It was a combination of Dani's grief over her father's death paired with Santana's secret love for Brittany that was always underlying, buzzing away underneath the surface, preventing them from ever being truly happy. Dani had started drinking more when her dad died, and recently she had been going out more than ever. But still she never thought about leaving Dani. What else did she have? This was just her life now. They had happy times, but it wasn't an everyday feeling. Most of the time they were just comfortable with each other, neither of them wanting the conversation of how the dynamic was starting to change. It never occurred to Santana, that she was simply settling in a way she had begged Brittany not to, all those years ago with Denver.
"We're really happy together" Santana finished, pleased that Sam would never see through her lies. She told him all about the house and the happy times, but she'd failed to mention the bad parts of course. That was private. No one needed to know about that, least of all Sam.
"Anyway…I've talked so much about me. How about you? What are you doing with your life now?"
"Well I'm actually a model" Sam laughed "That's why I'm back here. I don't really have a base as such because I'm always travelling around, and they put me up in all the best hotels. It's a good life, not great for the ladies though. It's hard to settle down when you're constantly on the move. I'm only here for the night then I fly out to New York. I stay there for a couple of months so…maybe I'll have some luck there"
"Wait you go to New York tomorrow? You should look up Brittany!"
Sam mused thoughtfully.
"You know I haven't seen Brittany in years, it would be so good to see her, hear all about this exciting life she's leading. You got a number for her that I could have?"
"Sure!" Santana said, grabbing her cell to retrieve the number. She was sure Brittany would be happy to see an old face and wouldn't mind him reaching out.
"Lopez, can you stop flirting with my guests please? It's not great for business and plus, you're supposed to be a lesbian"
Santana turned to see Quinn approach; her signature playful smirk cast on her face.
"Very funny Fabray" Santana rolled her eyes with a smirk that matched Quinn's, before turning to Sam "This is my friend Quinn, she's the manager here. Her parents own this chain."
"Nice to meet you Quinn, I'm Sam" he smiled, sticking out his hand, which Quinn shook appreciatively.
"You're a friend of Santana's?" she asked.
"Uh yeah…we went to High School together" he smiled.
"Are you checking in just now?" she asked, observing Sam's luggage.
"Sure am, it's a nice place you have here. In fact, I've stayed at a few of your hotels in different places, always a great stay"
"Ooooh, thank you" Quinn smiled, placing a light tap on Sam's arm. Not the most professional move she'd ever made, but Santana expected nothing less from her flirty friend. "Why don't you come with me and I'll make sure Dana upgrades your room" she said, gesturing over to the check in desk. Sam trotted after her looking like a happy puppy, he was always easily pleased, and he always loved a blonde, that hadn't changed.
When Sam was all checked in and ready to go to his upgraded room, he said his goodbyes to the two of them, with promises from both Santana and Sam to "keep in touch". She knew they probably wouldn't but, it was nice to see him all the same.
As she headed out of the hotel with Quinn, the blonde turned to her.
"Ooooh he was cute!" she smirked.
"Quinn, just no okay. Just…no" Santana laughed.
Again, it was typical Quinn behaviour. Santana couldn't imagine a time where Quinn wouldn't have a string of male suitors by her side, and for that reason alone she couldn't ever imagine her settling down and fully committing to someone, but she loved Quinn for it. She was attractive and she knew it.
"You can tell me all about him over dinner" said Quinn, and Santana rolled her eyes jokingly, the two of them heading into the Italian restaurant at the end of the street, ready for a night of good food and even better wine.
So a bit of a time jump for you getting us closer forward to that all important date. I think I managed to address most of the things that you need to know happened over the 5 years, except from Brittany's reason for leaving again, which will be covered in the next chapter. If I have missed anything or there is any burning questions I haven't answered re: the time jump, let me know and I can include them in the next chapter. A bit of a Brittana-less one I know, but this chapter was purely put in to cover the key moments that have been missed.
It's close though guys, I swear :)
