Chapter 31 –
"That was…" Lance trailed off as he followed Ed out of Central Command, trying to find the right word he needed to accurately describe the almost two hour long interrogation Voltron and Ed had just gone through at the hands of Lieutenant-General Olivier Mira Armstrong.
"Terrifying? Thorough? Intense?" Ed offered as he led the group away from the front entrance, nodding to the two guards manning it as he passed them by.
"All of the above," Lance said with a small chuckle. "I didn't realise someone could ask the same question so many different ways!" he exclaimed as Blue gave his hand a sympathetic nudge.
"Yeah," Ed said, wincing slightly at the memory. "Just be grateful she didn't think you were a potential enemy. It would've been much worse," he informed them, voice completely serious.
"I somehow both want and don't want to see what General Armstrong's interrogation of a potential enemy looks likes," Shiro said, both sounding and looking confused with himself.
"So do I," Black admitted, voice sounding in both Shiro's and Ed's heads. "I think, however, I'd much prefer to be an observer of her interrogation rather than opposite her at the table," she said.
"Same here," Red agreed, the three other Lions quickly echoing their sisters while the Paladins nodded fervently in agreement.
"I'm a little surprised it didn't last longer," Ed told them casually as they crossed the street. "When I told her about my trips, I was at her family's mansion for nearly twice that long," he said.
"I'm pretty sure I heard Major Armstrong remind her of some family engagement she'd agreed to attend before he left with his parents and younger sister after the memorial service," Pidge piped up.
Ed nodded at her words. "Makes sense. I guess we owe the family member who created that event a thank you for ensuring we escaped before we died of dehydration or something," Ed said, earning himself a few chuckles. "At least I managed to make it through that meeting intact," Ed commented lightly. "It means my chances of surviving the entire day have gone up a significant amount."
"You thought General Armstrong's questioning would be worse than what you'll face from Al, your teacher, Mustang and everyone else?" Hunk asked, sounding like he obviously thought Ed was very mistaken in that belief.
"General Armstrong is far more likely on any given day to run me through with her sword for the smallest of slights than everyone else is, no matter how upset they are with me," Ed told them before a thoughtful expression crossed his face. "Except maybe Teacher," he joked. "Though, I'm pretty much counting on more people keeping their impulse to attack me in check than not and holding back those who can't manage it," he said, only half-joking. It was exceedingly apparent that no one else found his words even slightly amusing. "Come on, guys. There's no point in getting upset over it. It hasn't even happened yet and we don't know when it will. What's the point of being sad over something that might not happen for decades yet?" Ed asked, hoping to at least get them to stop acting like Truth was gonna collect on his debt from Baschool in the next few seconds.
"It's hard for them to accept that you're not going to live as long as you should because you were forced to save your own life in such a way because of an injury that devastating," Blue told him. "Even though my sisters and I have known about this for a while thanks to your memories, it doesn't make it any easier for us to accept it and it offers our humans no comfort," she said.
Ed grimaced slightly as he was once more reminded that the first time the Paladins had heard about it was the same time Al and Mustang had found out and that they'd also had to find out that their Lions had known about it for months beforehand and hadn't told them. Of course, as Lance had said the previous night after Blue had apologised about not telling them – something Ed only knew about because Blue had spoke in his mind as well – it's not like the Lions could've told them without either breaking Ed's trust by going around his back or without getting his permission and, Ed had admitted rather reluctantly when asked, he wouldn't have likely given his permission. It wasn't because he didn't trust them or anything of the like but because Ed, whether he'd admit it to himself or not, was worried about their reactions, much as he had been about Al and Mustang's the rare times he'd considered telling them the truth.
Ed sighed slightly as he nodded to a random passer-by who'd moved out of the way of the group. "This is why I didn't want to tell anyone about this," he muttered. "It's been pretty much 15 months since that fight and all talking about it is gonna do is cause people to get upset or mad over it," Ed said, glaring at a random building as though it had been the thing that was causing him to lead Voltron to Mustang's place where just about everyone was waiting for them so they could interrogate Ed.
"Maybe someone will be able to help you find a way to reverse what you did so you'll get to live those years you sacrificed," Pidge said, a faint trace of optimism in her voice.
Ed shook his head. "There isn't a way to undo what I did. Not without it killing me almost immediately," Ed told her. A glance at the Green Paladin told him that she didn't understand. "You all know what Al did to save me on Promised Day, right?" he asked and got nods.
"He reversed the seal binding his soul to the armour, making Truth take his soul back and give you the arm you'd sacrificed in payment to bind his soul all those years ago," Yellow said and Ed nodded at her.
"I exchanged something physical but ultimately not immediately fatal in order to save Al that night," Ed said. "When he reversed it, Truth was forced to give me my arm back." Ed could see that none of the Paladins seemed to get where he was going with this. "The purpose of that array was to bind Al's soul to the armour using my arm as payment," Ed said. "The purpose of the array I used in Baschool was to heal my injuries enough that I'd be able to get medical help by sacrificing some of my life span. What do you think would happen if I tried to reverse that array, if it was even possible in the first place?" Ed asked and everyone's eyes widened as they realised what he was trying to tell them.
"You'd get those years back but the damage that was healed because of those years being sacrificed would come back as well," Shiro said sadly and Ed nodded.
"I used those years to heal the worst of the damage," Ed explained. "I still would've likely bled out if Darius and Heinkel hadn't gotten me to a doctor as quickly as possible but that could've been circumvented by me patching up the wound as best I could and giving Major Miles some sign I was still alive at the bottom of the mine shaft. He would've arranged a rescue team and I would've been treated at Fort Briggs so I would've been fine," Ed said before realising he was starting to ramble as they continued on their trek to Mustang's.
"My point is that even if I was somehow able to reverse the transmutation, I would very likely die from the damage to my organs that I'd managed to heal by sacrificing some of my life-span. I can't say for certain since I'm not medically trained and it's not like I had a doctor with me in that mine shaft who could've told me what my injuries were before I'd partially healed myself but I know that I wouldn't survive for very long just from that damage," Ed told them. "There's nothing that could be done to change what I had to pay and I doubt there's a viable option out there to reverse what I did pay and ensure I wouldn't die from the damage I'd healed myself of," Ed informed them, voice forcibly neutral.
"What about a stone? You told us that the first two trips were because your enemy had false stones. Couldn't you use one of them to fix it?" Lance asked and it was only because Ed could both hear the sadness and slight desperation to help his friend in Lance's voice and feel Blue's slight flare of protectiveness towards Lance that Ed didn't snap at Lance.
"There is no way anyone could force me to sacrifice even one soul from a stone because of something that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been so rigid in my ideal that I could talk down anyone from their psychopathic tendencies and had just let Major Miles or his snipers take Kimblee out," Ed told Lance firmly.
"While I certainly can't say that I don't wish you had allowed Miles and his sniper to take care of Kimblee, it is not your fault that you got so severely injured. Miles knew what you were like and what you thought of killing someone who had done nothing to deserve it and he still spoke to his men about doing so while you were nearby and could hear him," Black pointed out.
"Yeah, it probably would've been better all around if Miles had just kept me out of the loop but at the same time, I likely would've figured out what they were planning and who knows how I would've reacted to that? Besides, it's not Miles' fault either. It's not like he forced me to confront Kimblee near the mine shaft or to fight him after I'd dealt with Darius and Heinkel," Ed said, unable to stand for Miles being blamed in any way. It wasn't like the man had intentionally done what he did with the plan for Ed to fight Kimblee and get that badly injured.
"I'm not saying it's completely Major Miles' fault but it's not completely yours either," Black told him. "Really, the only person to blame is Kimblee. What kind of psychopath blows up a mine shaft with a child and two of his workers in it? Surely there would've been an easier way to deal with you that didn't get you almost killed!" Black ranted, glaring at the ground in front of her like it was Kimblee.
Ed shrugged at her even as he fought to keep the slight amount of amusement he felt in check at the intensity of the glare. "He was a psychopath," Ed pointed out dryly. "I doubt he was doing too much thinking past 'I'm gonna make sure this pain in the arse is out of my way permanently'," Ed told her.
"I'm still mad and I still think he got off too easily," Black grumbled, causing both Shiro and Ed to huff out a small laugh each.
"I almost wish he survived to go up against the five of you," Ed said jokingly.
"We would've done worse to him than we did to Lotor," Red told him with the other four Lions backing her words up.
"Have you even figured out how you're going to talk to the others about this?" Keith asked, the question almost rushing out of him and Ed got a feeling that he'd been wanting to ask that for a while now.
"Not really," Ed told him, trying to sound far more casual than he truly felt. "I have a feeling that any kind of plan I come up with to try and navigate whatever the hell's about to happen will end up being followed about as well as I follow Mustang's orders," Ed told them, earning a few huffs of amusement that helped relax him just a little. "I did ask Darius and Heinkel to be there since they were with me in the mine shaft and I was pretty much unconscious once I performed that transmutation until like five days after that doctor stitched the rest of the injury up," Ed explained. "So hopefully they'll help me out a bit," he added, "even if it's just to mitigate the yelling."
Unbeknownst to Edward, the humans of Voltron shared a glance at that. "Do you really think you'll get lectured about it?" Shiro asked. Though Ed hadn't discussed the specifics of what had happened in that mine shaft, it was blindingly obvious that what Ed had done was something he did because he had no other choice and Shiro couldn't see why his hand being forced should lead to a lecture of any sort.
"I mean, probably," Ed said with a shrugged shoulder. "If only because I didn't tell them and they found out almost fifteen months after the fact accidentally," he said, apparently thinking he needed to supply everyone with some kind of defence before they'd even gotten the chance to yell at Ed.
Black spotted Shiro's frown and couldn't help herself. "You can't exactly say that you wouldn't entirely blame them for being angry at the fact that they only found out about this because of an accident," she told him.
"Well no, I can understand them being upset because it was obvious Ed had no intention of ever telling them since it has been so long since the injury occurred and there were undoubtedly moments where he could've told them before now," Shiro told her, using their bond to keep the conversation between themselves. "But I just hope that they're able to realise as quickly as we did that Ed literally had no other choice," he said.
Black seemed to be thinking something over and while he was curious, Shiro was content not to push the matter just to continue their conversation. Ed was talking with Pidge, who had managed to change the subject from the upcoming confrontation to the plans she had about leaving blueprints and other instructional material that might help Amestris close the gap between its technology and the more advanced technology of America. From the look on Ed's face, he didn't seem certain that they would be able to use those plans and keep Voltron's true origins a secret. If he were being honest, Shiro wasn't exactly sure how they'd pull that off either.
"Tell me this," Black started saying, drawing Shiro's attention once more. "Do you know why you can accept the fact that Ed had to make a massive sacrifice so easily? All of you are saddened at the price he had to pay but I haven't felt anything from you and my sisters haven't felt anything from their humans that tells us that any of you so much as hesitated in taking Ed's side. Do you know why?" she asked Shiro, yellow eyes looking straight up into Shiro's eyes.
Shiro opened his mouth immediately, ready to tell Black that of course he knew why when he paused for a moment. Of course, Shiro knew part of the reason he didn't hesitate to take Ed's side in this was because the young blonde alchemist was part of his family and his friend. He also knew that the other part – the more logical part – was because he knew Ed didn't have any other choices available to him. It was do what he did or die almost immediately from that injury and Shiro would be lying if he said he wasn't exceptionally glad that Ed had made that call. Yet, Shiro was surprised to realise, there was another reason for why he was on Ed's side and he took a few moments to try and figure out how to articulate it.
Black was content to repay Shiro the favour of giving him time, just as he had done for her. She could feel his slight shock so she focused on the feelings she could feel through hers and Ed's bond. Hunk had managed to get Pidge to move on from trying to revolutionise Amestris as quickly and as sneakily as possible to the recipes Hunk planned on giving him. Her sisters glanced over at her, silently asking if everything was alright and she promised them they were.
Finally, it seemed as though Shiro realised exactly what Black had when Darius and Heinkel had accidentally twisted Ed's arm into giving a brief summary of what had truly happened in the Baschool mine shaft so her attention went back to him. "I don't think any of us really hesitated in being on Ed's side in this because we can understand what kind of situation he was facing, probably even better than most of those Ed considers friends and family," Shiro said and Black nodded but knew Shiro wasn't finished speaking yet. "I mean, I don't think any of us haven't had to make a decision between saving someone else or saving ourselves and what Ed did meant he could continue fighting against Father and save Amestris. He'd already sacrificed so much for his brother and the country by that point that it really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone to learn that he literally gave years of his life to make sure he could continue fighting for everyone," Shiro said.
Black nodded once more. "All of you have sacrificed something in someway to save your universe ever since we chose you as our pilots," she told him and Shiro nodded in agreement. "Which means all of you can understand just what Ed was facing in that moment, even if you don't know all the details just yet." Black knew she was just summarising what he'd said but she wanted to make sure they were on the same page. Bonded or not, sometimes there were still moments where they'd found out that they'd surprised each other. "But can you remember how you felt each time Lance, Keith, Hunk, or Pidge came back injured and you only had the bare minimum of the details? How you were so worried the first few times that you couldn't stop yourself from yelling at them when they came out of the cryopod? Don't you think that maybe that's how everyone else is feeling right now?" she asked him.
Shiro seemed to consider her words. It was true that the first few times each Paladin had come out of a cryopod after nearly sacrificing themselves for someone else, he'd ended up yelling at them because he had been so worried and so relieved. "You're right," Shiro told her. Black decided that now was probably not the right time to allow any of her smugness come through their bond. There was a side-eye from Shiro that told Black he knew what she'd just thought but he continued speaking as though he hadn't noticed. "The anger Mustang, Izumi, and Al have shown is probably just a cover for their worry about Ed and what had happened. That doesn't mean that I'm gonna sit by and let them say things they probably wouldn't have if they had a level head but I'm hoping that the fact that they've had a whole day to calm down means I won't have to try and play interference like Ed and Mustang had to when Keith's heritage was revealed," Shiro said.
"Well," Black said and Shiro suddenly felt another four sets of Lions eyes on him, which was a tad unsettling if he were being honest, "if you do, you'll definitely have me and my sisters on your side and I have absolutely no doubt that their humans will beat you to Ed's defence," Black told him, her voice tinged with amusement as Shiro grinned at her.
"I have no doubts of that."
Ed barely managed to stop himself from giving into the sudden and strong urge to turn around and flee when Mustang's house came into view. He was certain that a large part of the reason he didn't was because Voltron was with him and kinda blocking any immediate escape route available to him. He wasn't certain that it was intentional but he wouldn't have put it past them to make sure he got this over and done with. Ed knew that this conversation needed to happen so that this situation could be sorted and everyone could move on but that didn't mean Ed wanted to face everyone.
Sighing slightly, Ed steeled himself as he reached the front door and knocked. It took a few moments for someone to open the door and – to Ed's surprise and relief – it wasn't Mustang or Al on the other side of the door. Rather, it was Gracia who greeted them. "We were wondering whether General Armstrong was going to let you guys go some time today," she told them, an amused smile on her lips. "Come on in," she said, standing slightly to the side so they could walk through the door.
Once again, Ed felt that same urge to flee but he forced himself to ignore it as he entered Mustang's house. "How are you and Elysia?" Ed asked as Voltron filed into the house.
Gracia have Ed a kind smile. "We're alright," she told him. "Elysia decided that Maes' medal needed to be displayed immediately once we were home so we spent most of the afternoon finding the perfect spot for it to be displayed," she told him.
Ed felt a small wave of grief flow through him at her words. "Is she here?" Ed asked and Gracia nodded.
"There was no way I was going to be able to convince her to stay with one of her friends when she heard where I was going tonight and who would be there," Gracia told him.
Ed frowned slightly but nodded. Elysia definitely wouldn't have agreed to a sleepover with anyone once she knew her mum was heading to her uncle's and that her big brothers and big sister would be there. "I'm sure we'll figure out something to distract her," Ed said.
"I'm sure," Gracia agreed as she shut the door now that everyone was inside the house. "Would any of you like a drink?" she asked, facing them all.
"I think I'm good, Miss Gracia," Ed told her.
Voltron all exchanges a glance but shook their heads. "We're good as well," Shiro said.
Gracia nodded before she indicated towards the lounge room. "Everyone's waiting for you," Gracia told them. She gave Ed an understanding smile when she spotted Ed's worried look. "It'll be okay, Ed," she promised him.
"We'll be here too. Both us and our humans and you know Darius and Heinkel will be there to help if you need it," Black reassured Ed before any of them made a move to head into the lounge room. Even Gracia hadn't taken a step, obviously waiting for Ed to take the first one.
"Thanks, guys," Ed said, giving them all a grateful smile as he petted Black and Blue, who were the closest Lions at the time. He then rolled his eyes when he heard someone mentally cough in his mind and proceeded to give the three other Lions the pats they'd passive aggressively demanded. With everyone now satisfied or amused, Ed nodded once to himself and headed for the lounge room where everyone else was waiting.
"Big brother Ed!" Elysia greeted excitedly, as though she hadn't seen him for weeks rather than the couple of hours it had actually been.
Ed grinned at her, silently grateful that she'd been the first to greet him and had unintentionally prevented anyone else from doing so. Judging from the looks on some of their faces, Ed was pretty sure he didn't want them greeting him. "Hey, El!" he called back, grunting a little when Elysia slammed into his middle. "Did you behave for your mum this afternoon?" Ed asked her as he lifted her up so he could hug the little girl, not quite ready to let anyone else speak just yet.
Elysia nodded enthusiastically as she pulled out of her hug. "I really did!" she told him. "We put Daddy's medal up on the mantle with our pictures!" Elysia said.
"Oh that was a really good spot to put it. Did you choose to put it there?" Ed asked her and, once again, Elysia nodded.
"Mama helped me put it up there though 'cuz I'm too small to reach myself," Elysia explained.
"You'll have to show me it tonight," Ed told her, giving her a smile. He glanced around the room to see if anyone looked like they were about to attack him for answers just yet and was relieved to see almost everyone looked like they were still a few minutes from reaching that point. A silent question to Gracia had her shaking her head so Ed turned back to Elysia, thoughts on how to get her out of the room without the young girl being suspicious running through his mind. An idea sparked and he nodded to himself. "Hey, El?"
Elysia looked up at him curiously. "Yeah, big brother?"
"Do you have any of your colouring stuff here?" Ed asked her. He couldn't remember seeing any when Combes, Widdon and their teams ransacked Mustang's house but that didn't mean there weren't any in here now.
"Yeah," she told him. "Uncle Roy lets me keep some in a box in his study," she said, still looking curious about why her big brother was asking.
"Well, if it's okay with your uncle," Ed said, eyes flicking to Mustang before they fell back on Elysia, "Yellow really wants to see how you draw," Ed told her, ready to mentally apologise to the Yellow Lion for not running this by her first. "Since we don't know how much longer they'll be here, how about you go up to your uncle's study and draw a few pictures with Yellow while the rest of us talk about boring things?" he asked her, making sure to emphasise 'boring' in hopes to further Elysia's desire to go and draw.
Elysia's brow furrowed in thought before she turned her puppy eyes onto Mustang, a sure sign that she'd decided to draw. Ed used the opportunity to give Yellow that mental apology but the Lion dismissed it before he even got the first two words out. Apparently she was really excited for the opportunity to spend more time with the youngest Hughes. With the amused but affectionate look Hunk was giving Yellow, Ed knew he had no problems being separated from his Lion for the evening but he still made a mental note to apologise for it later.
"Okay, big brother!" Elysia's agreement brought Ed's attention back to her and he surmised that Mustang had agreed. "How many drawings should I do?" the young girl asked.
Ed pretended to contemplate for a few moments, even making a humming noise that had Elysia giggling. "How about one drawing for each member plus Miss Allura and Coran?" he finally suggested.
Elysia gasped at the idea. "That's like," she paused for a moment as she used her fingers to count the amount with, "12 drawings!" she exclaimed.
Ed nodded. "That's exactly right. Very good!" he praised her, which brought a large, pleased smile to her face before she asked to put down.
Ed obliged the request and Elysia started heading for the stairs. "I'm gonna get started now!" she told them before anyone could stop her. Yellow didn't hesitate in moving after her though.
"Don't touch any of your uncle's things!" Gracia called, raising her voice slightly so Elysia could hear her over her own footsteps as she raced up the staircase to the second floor.
"Okay, Mama!" they heard her call back.
Ed saw someone open their mouth but he held a hand up to stop them as he kept an eye and ear on the staircase. It wouldn't have been the first time Elysia had tried to eavesdrop on a conversation. "We're inside the study and she's shut the door," Yellow told him just as he heard the soft click of the door closing above them.
Thanking the Yellow Lion, Ed lowered his hand. "She's in the study and the door's shut. She shouldn't be able to hear us now," he said, both so everyone had the information and so they also knew why Ed had silenced them.
"Oh, I'd almost forgotten about her eavesdropping tendencies," Gracia said, giving a small sigh of relief that she wouldn't have to deal with the potential aftermath of Elysia overhearing something she shouldn't have.
Ed flashed her a smile before he decided it was now time to face the music. Looking at everyone gathered in Mustang's living room, he took in all their faces. Fuery, Breda, Falman and Havoc all looked various degrees of concerned and confused. Havoc had been the only one to hear what Ed had said the previous day whereas Falman, Breda and Fuery had all heard it second-hand so their confusion was warranted in Ed's eyes. Winry and Pinako just looked confused and a touch wary, or at least Winry did. As always, Pinako's expression didn't give much away but Ed knew she was definitely curious about why they were gathered in Mustang's house. Naturally, Voltron, Darius, and Heinkel weren't confused by what was going on. Both Hawkeye and Mustang looked equal parts angry, worried, and impatient, which Ed would admit had him a little nervous. Izumi and Sig looked ready to demand answers from him and to smother him with affection, respectively. However, the blank look on Al's face hurt the most. To Ed, it was almost like Al was so angry and frustrated with Ed that he had to spend all his energy on keeping it under control and that hurt Ed.
"Alright," Ed sighed. "Let's have it."
"Start from the moment Alphonse left you in Baschool and finish with the day you and these two," Mustang gestures to Darius and Heinkel, "wound up in Central," he ordered, face impassive.
The urge to disobey Mustang's orders was there as it always was but Ed knew that not even Havoc would be on his side if he did. Plus the glare from Izumi told him that there would be no forgiveness from her and that his disobedience would result in painful injuries the next time they sparred. So – after requesting that Yellow warn him the moment Elysia went to move towards the door – Ed started talking. In his report – when he'd first given it in the first couple of weeks after Promised Day – Ed had simply given Mustang practically the same story he'd told Major Miles in Ishval the night before Voltron had shown up. This time, he told the truth and spared no detail.
It took far longer than Ed had expected for him to recount what had happened between Al leaving him in Baschool and when he, Darius and Heinkel came back to Central and met up with Greed/Ling. Darius and Heinkel had pitched in after Ed had reached the point where he was unconscious after healing himself so they had taken the reins up until Ed had reached the point where he'd been able to stay conscious in the back-alley doctor's home for longer than a few minutes.
"Once Greed agreed to let us stick around him, we left Central and spent the next three or so weeks avoiding the military and whatever homunculi were left alive. Then we headed for Granny's before we planned to head towards Central to get ready for the fight," Ed told them, voice a little tired after speaking for so long. "After that, there was the battle at Kanama between us and Pride then it was Promised Day and you all know what happened then," he finished saying, his last word coming out as more of a sigh.
Silence followed his recount but Ed wasn't really surprised by that. Just like he wasn't surprised by the tears slowly working their way down Winry's cheeks, though the couple he'd seen on Izumi's and Pinako's cheeks before they'd managed to wipe them away did surprise him. Al hadn't been able to or hadn't bothered stopping his tears but Ed could see a simmering rage in his little brother's eyes that had Ed a touch nervous about what the fallout would be with Al. The others all looked stunned, disbelieving, and devastated by the end of his story. However, to Ed's surprise, Izumi and Hawkeye – while obviously upset at what he'd done – looked almost like they agreed with his decision. In fact, the looks on their faces reminded Ed of Voltron's reactions, even before they knew the whole story. Mustang, however, didn't give away anything, which worried Ed just as much as Al's reaction did.
"Can you reverse it? Like Al did?" Gracia asked, doing an enviable job to keep her voice from shaking with the tears that were streaming down her face.
Ed bit back his sigh but only just. Black and Blue pressed against his side in solidarity and Ed could feel the other Lions mentally pressing up against their bond with him. "It's not possible," Ed told her, voice slightly apologetic, something that made Gracia want to open her mouth and tell him he didn't need to be. "Even if I could reverse what I'd done and get those years back, the damage I healed by sacrificing those years would also come back," he explained to her, repeating what he'd said to Voltron less then an hour ago.
"And from what you described, you wouldn't survive it," Havoc said and Ed nodded.
"Most likely not. Even if I was in a surgical theatre with a fully equipped trauma team on stand by," Ed said, earning himself a few shocked gasps.
"You're not going to even try?!" Winry demanded, eyes sparkling with unshed tears and fury.
"Did you miss the part where I said it was impossible?" Ed snapped, his infamously short temper getting the best of him. "It's not like I drew out a physical array like I did for Al! Plus there's the whole 'I wouldn't make it even it were possible' thing I just finished explaining!" he snarled at her, unable to reel in his irrational anger.
Shiro placed a hand on Ed's flesh shoulder, grounding him slightly with his touch and Ed used it to help himself bury his temper once more. Winry looked as taken aback by his tone and words as she had earlier that morning when the Lions had stopped her from greeting Ed in her usual violent manner. "But that means you won't get the chance to live as long as you should have," Winry sobbed, placing a hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs slightly.
Ed scoffed. "Oh, come on, Win," he said. "Did anyone really expect me to die of old age?" he asked. Though he'd meant it as a dismissive and rhetorical question, he was met with some aghast looks, as though those around him couldn't believe he'd just said that.
"This isn't a joke, Edward!" Al shouted, not bothering to keep his voice low. Ed managed to spare one fleeting hope that Mustang's floors and walls were thick enough that Elysia wouldn't be able to hear her other big brother. "This is your life! How could you be so stupid?! Going up against Kimblee?! We knew he was a psychopath! You knew he was someone you needed to avoid getting in a fight with! You admitted that yourself! Why the hell didn't you just listen to Major Miles and follow orders for once in your life?!"
Ed couldn't stop the flinch he gave at the intensity of Al's rage, frustration and grief. Before Shiro or the Lions could try to stop him, Ed struck back with just as much ferocity as he could. "I'll be the first to admit that if I could go back to that moment, I'd have lured the fucker into the middle of the town square so Miles' snipers had a perfect shot of him. Hell, I'd have asked Miles to try and get Miss Riza up to Fort Briggs so she could take Kimblee out!" Ed snapped, surprising most people in the room.
Al scoffed at him. "No, you fucking wouldn't have!" Al shouted at him. "You would've tried to stop him, put him down maybe but you wouldn't have asked for Captain Hawkeye and you wouldn't have let Major Miles or his snipers kill Kimblee. You're not wired like that, Edward, and you bloody well know it! Don't fucking lie to us just to try and make us feel better!"
In the face of Al's accusation and the knowing glares he was getting from everyone else, Ed couldn't keep up the lie. "You're right. I probably wouldn't have let him be killed," he admitted. "But I wouldn't have let that fight get as bad as it did," Ed said. "But hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it?" Ed said, his tone a touch harder than it had been as his self-loathing made itself known. The change was noticeable and surprising enough that even Al looked taken aback. "It's just one more thing to add to the pile of my biggest fuck-ups that can't be taken back or fixed! But unlike most of those things, I'm glad I made the choice to use that array!" he informed them.
Al reared back like he'd been struck. "You're glad you sacrificed an unknown number of years off your life?!" he asked demandingly.
"Well I'm not thrilled that that was the price I had to pay but there wouldn't have been anything I wouldn't have exchanged to make sure I survived past that fight," Ed told him, his tone leaving no room for doubt. "Father might have stood to lose a sacrifice if I didn't do what I did but we both know Pride had enough energy in him to have forced some other poor bastard into committing human transmutation as well as Mustang. Pride might not have been able to fight afterwards but he could've done it," Ed said, crossing his arms defensively in front of him.
"You wouldn't have even been in that situation if you had just taken the time to think things through! If you had just considered the situation instead of running headfirst into that sort of thing like you always do!" Winry berated him and Ed barely managed to stop the instinctual eyeroll from happening.
"Be honest, Winry. Would you have truly expected me to have just stood by as they killed someone in front of me? Even someone like Kimblee?" he asked. He felt a slight curl of smugness when she deflated slightly.
"No, I wouldn't have," she admitted quietly. Ed could see her mind struggling to find something – anything – to blame for Ed's decision. He knew she hated the idea that there nothing to blame except for just Ed's bad luck and it's not like she could vent her frustrations either physically or verbally at it. Unfortunately for them, Darius and Heinkel moved to make way for Gracia, who was dealing with what Ed had said by making herself busy and clearing up the small mess everyone had created while waiting for Ed and Voltron to turn up. Ed saw her eyes fix on the two chimeras and the fury that blazed in them was so sudden and intense that Ed found himself worried that Winry was going to make their heads explode just from her glare. "You two!" she snarled, pointing at both chimeras and making them freeze almost comically.
"Winry," Ed said, tone both warning and soothing at the same time but Winry ignored him.
"If you two hadn't distracted Ed by fighting him, he could've dealt with Kimblee above ground! He wouldn't have been in the mineshaft and Kimblee wouldn't have been able to collapse that mineshaft with one of my best friends in it!" she snarled at the pair.
"I – uh – we –" Darius stuttered while Heinkel looked like he was considering jumping out of the nearest window, closed or not.
"Winry," both Ed and Pinako reprimanded at the same time, causing the blonde automail mechanic to aim that glare at Ed. Pinako was spared only because Winry knew that Pinako would've done worse to her for it than Ed would've. "Leave them alone," Pinako ordered before Ed could say anything.
"Seriously, Winry," Ed said, not bothering to hide his irritation with her reaction. "They were my enemies before Kimblee tried to kill the three of us. You can't really have expected them to stand by while their boss and I fought," Ed said, not bothering to hide his exasperation. "I know you like having something tangible to blame for things but there is no one to blame for what I did except me and Kimblee for collapsing that mineshaft with the three of us inside of it," Ed said, recalling what Black had said to him barely an hour before. "Or did you forget already? Without the two of them down there with me, I'd have been dead no matter how many years I sacrificed!" he snapped at her.
"Don't speak to her like that!" Al snapped at him. "She's allowed to be mad! You're the one who didn't tell us about what happened! Fifteen months, Edward! You had fifteen months worth of opportunities to tell us and we had to find out because Darius and Heinkel didn't know you hadn't told us!"
Al's words, his unbridled anger told Ed that his little brother had finally gotten to the crux of his main issue with this situation. But before Ed could ask, someone else spoke for the first time since just after Elysia had left the room. "Why didn't you report what had truly happened?" Mustang asked before cutting Ed off before the blonde could answer. "I understand you couldn't tell anyone immediately following the fight. You were unconscious and then you had to lay low for the next couple of months because you were considered a deserter. I understand why you couldn't tell us straight away but why didn't you tell us after Promised Day?" he asked.
Ed shifted slightly where he stood. "At first, it was because I didn't even remember that I hadn't told you what had happened," Ed said. "Then it was because Al came out of his coma. Doc Evans said the slightest stress on him could set his recovery back an unknowable time," he told them. "I figured that learning I had sacrificed years of my life because of a fight I shouldn't have been in would cause you massive stress and I couldn't do that to you," Ed said, looking directly at Al. "So, whenever I remembered you still didn't know, I told myself that I had to wait. At first," Ed said, "it was going to be when the doctors stopped feeding you broths and you were able to eat real food then it was going to be when your rehabilitation doctor started talking about you leaving the hospital because I figured if you were strong enough to leave the hospital, you'd be strong enough that I could tell you," he explained.
"But then Mustang and I were sent to America the first time and dealing with that and what happened with Harding; it pushed the Baschool fight from my mind," Ed told them. "Then Moore and his crazy arse happened and Mustang and I were back in America," he continued, "and the fallout from Harding really hit then," he admitted. "I'll admit, after we arrived back from Voltron's dimension and I realised it had been over 8 months since the Baschool fight, I figured it was probably better if you didn't know. It had already been over three-quarters of a year and I knew nothing good would come from telling you all. So, I decided –"
"You decided to keep it from us anyway despite the fact that we deserved to know! We had every right to know what you'd done and the fact that you're gonna die before you should!" Al shouted, interrupting Ed before he'd finished speaking.
Before Ed had the chance to lash back at his brother, someone else interrupted him. "That is enough, boys," Sig's deep voice rumbled as he took a step forward, gently moving Izumi to the side so he could take that step forward. "Yelling will not solve anything and you both should well and truly know that by now. Izumi more than trained that into you while you were living with us," he told them gruffly.
The few moments it took for Sig to start and finish speaking were enough for Ed to get control of his anger once more and from the looks of it, it gave Al that chance too, for which Ed was grateful for. Taking a settling breath, Ed nodded to Sig in thanks before he answered his brother. "Yes, I decided to keep you in the dark. All of you in the dark," Ed told them. "On the walk here, the first two things I was asked by these guys," Ed gestures to Voltron, "were if it could be reversed and if I could use a stone. When I told them why neither of those were options I could or would take, they accepted my answers pretty much straight away. But, Alphonse, I know exactly what you're like. You wouldn't have just accepted that the array couldn't be reversed without killing me. I mean," Ed chuckled half-heartedly, "I can't exactly blame you. We've pulled off some pretty impossible things in the last few years but you can't get me out of this one, little brother," Ed told him, hating the tears that were coming down Al's cheeks.
"You don't know that for sure. You can't know that for sure. There must be some way for us to try and reverse this," Al said, his tone unashamedly pleading as he fixed his shining eyes on Ed.
Before Ed had the chance to answer Al's pleading with a shake of his head and another firm but apologetic denial that, no, they really couldn't do anything, two voices sounded – one in Ed's head and one out of it.
"What's going on? Why are you fighting, big brothers? Why aren't any of you stopping them?" Elysia's voice sounded from the staircase and Ed felt himself freeze before the second voice's words registered.
"Ed, I'm sorry! She slipped past me before I could stop her and you accidentally blocked me!" Yellow told Ed, voice genuinely upset.
Everyone, without exception, went silent at the sound of Elysia's voice. Even Gracia and Mustang stayed silent, though in Gracia's case it seemed more like she was trying to rid herself of any evidence of her tears as well as try and come up with an answer for Elysia. Ed took a breath, trying to get a better hold on his emotions, just as Yellow slunk almost guiltily into view. The emotions Ed could see in Yellow's eyes and feel through their bond had Ed dealing with that first.
"It's alright, Yellow," Ed said to her, holding a hand up in a calming gesture. "You're not the first one to have underestimated how quickly Elysia can move. And Elysia knows that she's not supposed to eavesdrop on people's conversations if she's not a part of them." This last part he said with his eyes on the young child.
Elysia fidgeted with guilt but – to Ed's slight surprise and slightly larger approval – she stood her ground in the face of Ed's reprimanding look. "I heard yelling," she admitted, twisting her folded hands tightly but never looking away from Ed or her mother. "I realised it was my big brothers and they never yell when I'm nearby so I knew it was somethin' important. Yellow tried to block me when I went to the door so you can't blame her!" Elysia insisted, determined to defend Yellow.
"She told me you managed to slip past her and I promise no one blames her," Ed told her," but you know better, El," he said firmly. "You know that if we have you leave the room, it means we're talking about something that we don't want you to overhear. Do you remember why there are some things we don't want you to know about?" Ed asked her.
"'Cuz I might be too little to understand what you're talking about or I might forget that it's s'posed to be a secret or it's something that you want to tell me about when I'm bigger or it's something that's s'posed to be a surprise for me," Elysia dutifully repeated, looking increasingly guilty as she did so.
"So you do remember," Ed said and Elysia nodded. "So why did you come down here when Yellow tried to stop you? Surely you must've known that it meant she didn't want you down here which meant we were talking about something that we didn't want you to hear," Ed said.
"I know," Elysia whispered.
"Honey, why did you come down here?" Gracia asked before Ed could say anything.
"Because I heard big brother Al and big brother Ed yelling and I've never heard them yell at each other," Elysia repeated. "I knew it had to be somethin' really big for them to be yellin' like that and I was worried," she told them.
Ed could feel the Lions almost melt at how cute they thought Elysia was being and he just knew they would've been joined by Maes if they could've been. Before he could even think of teasing them, Gracia spoke up and got his attention again. "Darling, you know eavesdropping is wrong," she told her daughter, who nodded. "I understand that you just wanted to check on your brothers but you still should've waited until after we'd finished speaking," Gracia scolded her lightly.
"I know, Mama," Elysia said, nearly mumbling as her green eyes glistened slightly.
"Why doesn't Ed go with you, Yellow and whichever Lion wants to join them and he can explain what he can about what was happening down here?" Shiro suggested, tone light and friendly as he clapped a hand onto Ed's shoulder. There was something in his eyes that had Ed's suspicions rise despite his tone. "I don't think there'll be much more said that hasn't already and I'm sure Elysia will be too curious to go back upstairs by herself now," he rationalised before anyone could say anything.
Ed found himself torn. On one hand, he'd escape the situation and be away from the glaring and upset eyes of most those around him and he'd get to control what Elysia was told. On the other hand, it felt a bit like running away to him and he'd never run from anything in his life. Unable to decide what to do, Ed looked to Gracia for help. As Elysia's mother, it was ultimately her decision on who told her daughter anything.
Gracia seemed to understand why she was on the receiving end of Ed's look as she nodded. 'Yes, I think that would be for the best," she agreed. "It'll also give everyone the chance to calm themselves so Elysia doesn't overhear any more shouting," she added, a biting look aimed at those who so much as looked like they'd disagree with her or Shiro.
Ed nodded and moved towards where Elysia was standing, looking rather perplexed at the fact that not only was she not being scolded further but she was going to find out a bit of what was going on. To barely anyone's surprise, Green chose to follow Ed, with permission from Pidge. To almost everyone's surprise, however, no other Lion moved to follow them. Ed felt their apologies at wanting to stay with their humans but Ed dismissed them. There was an undercurrent of something in their tone that had Ed's suspicions raise even further but he knew no amount of questioning her would have Black tell him anything about the plan Shiro obviously had.
"Let's go back up to the study," Ed told Elysia as soon as he got to her. He noted the look on her face and snorted. "You're still in trouble for eavesdropping," he informed her, "but it's up to your mum how much trouble you're in," he admitted.
"Okay, big brother," Elysia said, obviously resigning herself to her fate as she led the way back up the stairs, Yellow glued to her side. Ed almost snorted at the determination Yellow showed to not let Elysia slip away again.
Ed glanced back over at the group seated or standing in Mustang's lounge room before his sight was filled with plastered walls. Both Shiro and Lance gave him firm nods, silently telling him that they had this situation handled for now. Both Keith and Pidge seemed to be glaring at everyone minus their remaining team, Gracia, and the chimeras, which surprised Ed. He was sure they hadn't seemed so hostile while Ed was talking or during the following discussion. He'd tried to meet Al's eyes before he lost sight of them but the younger Elric was obvious in his attempts at avoiding looking at Ed. The clear avoidance caused Ed's heart to sink and it almost caused him to rush back down the stairs and either punch Al in the face or yell at him until his younger brother had gotten everything he'd wanted to say or do out of his system but Ed didn't. He decided to trust in his friends and continued up the stairs, allowing them to help fight this fight for him for once.
A/N - Here's even more angst for you all! Aren't you all just so lucky? You can expect at least another two chapters of angst coming up in the next couple of weeks, just FYI! As always, thanks to those of you who've favourited and/or followed this story and have been just so wonderfully kind enough to take a minute or two out of your day to leave me a review on the chapter and/or story as a whole. Can't wait to read you thoughts on this chapter. See you all next week
