Chapter 35: The one where you are manhunhunting

Hell didn't even start to describe the bus trip you had just left behind. Mentioned bus trip was likely to leave you grey by the time you hit thirty and shaved about ten years off your life expectancy.

No, you refused to remember but it started with the stares when you entered and that one woman getting her stupid pet chicken to the vets per bus and leaving the cage open.

Apparently, the innate hatred of cuccos to the lovely heroes of courage lived on in the average earthian chicken and crossed thus the borders of time and space.

All in all, it was not a nice bus ride and you thanked whoever was bothered to listen it was over.

Standing in front of the big mall, you gave a small sigh of relief before stemming your hands in your hips to lay out the war plan – seeing as it was likely that you were the only halfway sensible one who knew what was coming currently present: "Okay, game plan. We go in quick and quietly; buy the first halfway normal and fitting clothes we get our hands on and leave dis…"

"Shopping!" crowed Zelda, and it was like a war call to attack. Immediately most of the Links moved to follow her as she stormed the shopping mall, leaving you, Twilight and Four standing in their dust. Twilight gave you an apologetic shrug before following his wayward ward and Four stared off to nothing while you facepalmed.

"So much about the discrete part of this operation," you complained through gritted teeth before grabbing Four by his arm and leading him inside. "Come on, we gotta put a stop this madness."

Quickly catching up with the rest of the group that fought themselves through the masses of shoppers you tried to get some reminders into their head before the rest of this experience descended into chaos, not that your words found any purchase in their minds.

Instead every single person that might have listened to you – aka the Links, Zelda never listened to you in situations like these anyways – was staring at the shops around you as loud music played from speakers.

And people were staring at you all. You really should have made them change clothes before going out, seriously.

Some commented positively on the so called "cosplays", another called you weirdoes. And then there was the mandatory group of squealing teenage girls, that goggled thirstily at the "cute" boys. One girl pointed at Legend in all his pantsmissing glory while elbowing her friend and whispering probably not so child friendly things in her ear, which promptly made the poor girl burst into a nice shade of red and look away while her friend looked like a cat that caught the canary.

Two other teenagers were eying poor Twilight like a nice piece of steak which made poor country boy blush and try to hide.

Another girl seemed to be ready to march up and demand Warriors' nonexistent phone number, by force if necessary, it seemed, so you quickly pushed the whole troop along.

In the end you stood exhausted in front of the biggest clothes shop the mall had to offer and gave a look in the round, promptly facepalming. You were missing Legend, Wind and Hyrule. Wild apparently had been blessedly watched over by Twilight so he wouldn't escape to explore.

"Okay, change of plans. I fetch the lost ones, you start with choosing the first few clothing sets. Alright? No one leaves the shop."

Sending a firm glare at Zelda you punctuated: "You will watch them and be responsible in the meantime."

Immediately walls of protests shot against you:

"But being responsible is boring!"

"We're not little kids who need to be watched!" "Yes, you are, Wild."

"Who made her babysitter anyway?"

"Quiet" you hissed out, giving them your best Legend copied glare. "Behave."

And with that you went off to find the lost ones, hoping beyond hope that the others would listen to you, which sadly was not very likely.

Hyrule was luckily found almost too easily, having wandered off accidentally. You found him in the kid's zone, the man working there giving you an exhausted smile as he handed him back to you.

Marching him back to the shop while he gave quiet apologies you then placed him next to Four, who apparently hadn't felt the curiosity to explore the shop yet and instead opted to stare off, utterly spaced out. "Stay here" you ordered and Hyrule nodded sheepishly.

"Watch him" you told Four. Receiving no reaction, you took it as silent agreement, you stalked away again.

Poor him. Zelda's furry obsession room really must've made an impact. Hopefully he'd snap out of it again soon.

Finding the rest of the escapers was a bit more troublesome but was soon also finished as you simply had to follow the screams of an enraged manager.

And there you found the two thieves, not looking guilty in the slightest, their pockets stuffed full of random stuff the gimmick store sold. And it wasn't even their less than heroic pursuits that had gotten them into trouble, apparently it was the fact that they had started snowballfight 2.0 with the help of chalk bombs in the middle of the store.

The poor man had turned purple faced from his angry screams and you suppressed the urge to pat him consolingly on his back and tell him everything would be fine.

Instead you quickly pulled out one of the many credit cards that Zelda had simply hidden everywhere in your clothes and things and announced: "Sir, please calm down. I will pay for the damage they caused. They're foreign exchange students that don't know civilized culture. (The twin shouts of protests were so worth it.) I'm trying to teach them to do better."

"Try better next time" the man snarled and beckoned you to the cash register where he charged everything destroyed, used or taken overpriced. You couldn't fault him.

You still got a little mad when he banned the three of you for a lifetime from his shop, though.

Marching the now finally guilty heroes back to the clothes shop, you surveyed their "loot", before promptly confiscating it.

Wind and Legend might act as if that was the end of the world but you were sure they would survive the loss of the squishies, invisible ink pens, puttys and other stuff they had taken.

"Behave and ensure the others do, too" you told them with a glare. "And then you'll get one of your fighting pens back."

That cheered them up enough and they squared their shoulders to ensure your order would be followed, promptly herding together the other Links.

Counting them, you realized at last Wild had gone missing, too. Freaking Fantastic (mind the sarcasm).

Searching Zelda, you found her clutching a pink, bunny themed hoodie and some other curious clothing choices while she was browsing through a stack of kilts. "Zel, I swear, seriously, you didn't keep an eye on them!"

"They survived fighting for their lives, they will survive a mall" she answered unmoved continuing her search, pulling out a pink kilt with a satisfied grin.

"But my nerves won't!" you told her.

"Relax" she told you. And promptly held a grey T-shirt with a kitten printed on it under your nose: "Isn't this the cutest? Do you think it'll fit Twilight?"

You felt like tearing your hair out at that moment.

Maybe it would be wiser to actually leave them in their current clothes if everything Zelda picked ended up looking like this.

"I'm going to find Wild" you announced frustrated, stalking off as she fished a gaudy four-colored zip-up hoodie out of a stack of other hoodies.

You were feeling a headache beginning to form.

Now where could Wild, arson loving half-feral amnesiac placed in a whole different time, be?

With a small sigh you went off to the nearest weapon shop.

God, now you knew how Twilight felt a huge chunk of his time.