"Sometimes I dream I'm in the four door
Coming down on the slow-mo
Sometimes I dream I go so high by for the ride by
Sometimes I feel I'm going down, down
Sometimes I feel I'm gonna die at times
Got my dreams and my eyes wide…"
Solange—"Dreams"
"Carefully place it in the oil and let it brown real good…"
Erik watched Deuce lay fresh pieces of sea-caught yellow-tail battered fish into a deep cast-iron skillet. Hot vegetable oil popped out of the pan making both Deuce and Marina jump back.
"Easy…easy…," Cedro crooned as he showed the children how to use tongs. He handed the tongs to Deuce.
Belinda stood near Erik as she cut up fresh limes and lined up plates filled with small white corn tortillas. Sugar sat outside on a whale stool drinking beer.
"They done yet?" she called out.
"Hold your horses. Deuce and Marina are learning the tradition," Cedro said.
"Can they learn faster? I'm starving."
"Hush," Belinda said.
Butchie sat near the doorway opening peeking into the house. His long sad whines made Belinda stop cutting.
"You bet not set one foot in this house. I am still upset with you!" Belinda hissed at the dog.
Erik chuckled and replayed the earlier fiasco with the dog two days previously.
Cedro had gotten up early in the morning with the children and taken them out to fish. Erik sat in a beach chair next to Yvette watching them as he gently rotated his shoulder without his sling on. Sugar's grandmother Lila had made him herbal teas that helped heal deep muscle tissue. Erik felt like there was something more than regular herbs inside the pungent-smelling liquid because soon after he drank it, he felt a slight buzz like he had a contact-high. His shoulder was stiff, but there was hardly any pain now. Belinda insisted that he rest more. They had gone into San Felipe to take the children banana boating and shopping for fireworks and party favors to bring in the New Year days earlier, and Erik had overexerted himself a bit trying to stay active with them. Belinda put a stop to that.
He sat and watched Marina squeal at silvery flying fish that jumped over the small motorboat and Deuce's loud laughter filled Erik's heart. Erik had used his satellite phone to allow the children to speak to their mother after Christmas. Marina showed off her Barbie beach house that Cedro and Belinda bought her along with new Barbie clothes, a jewelry maker, and a make-up kit where she could mix and match her own lip gloss and glitter eye-shadow, along with other craft-themed toys. Sugar must've told them that his daughter loved things that she could manipulate and create with. Deuce was given books on drawing with pen and inks along with sketchbooks and professional-grade art pens along with a stack of new comic books in his favorite Japanese horror fandom. He spent all Christmas day and days after creating at the dining table or reading his comics on the roof.
Both children received personalized wood door knockers for their bedrooms that matched the unique wood carving that had the Moreno family name on it. Both of his kids went into their own worlds playing with their gifts while his own presents were appreciated but saved for later usage. Most of the things he bought were from his recent travels, and although unique and one of a kind in some instances—clothes, jewelry, video, and board games—he realized that he missed the procuring of things that matched their true interests. Calista's similar gifts were treated the same way.
Calista sat through a face chat that had the children showing her their gifts. Deuce was more talkative with her than usual, his face completely lit up talking about fishing, ATV and motorbike riding, exploring the hot springs, and describing the giant whalebone. They showed her the whalebone seats they sat on and described the night sky and how big the moon was when it hung full and bright in the inky darkness making the sea glow below it. The more they talked, the more excited their voices became.
Calista spoke to Belinda thanking her for caring for her kids, and then he spoke to her away from the house. She looked better. There was a healthy natural glow to her skin, and without a ton of make-up, she looked like a real person again and not a clout-chaser desperate to be seen. Even her voice was calm and measured.
"They look so happy," she said.
"They are having the time of their life."
"How is your shoulder?"
"Better, Sugar's grandmother has been helping me with it."
Calista's eyes seemed to glaze over at the mention of her.
"How is Sugar?"
"She's good. Getting mentally ready for next year. She leaves for Florida mid-January and then Australia."
"Will you be able to compete in January?"
Erik moved his left arm a bit.
"I'll see my doctor when I get back and check how the shoulder looks."
"Is Yvette adjusting?"
"Yeah."
Calista swiped back a loose strand of hair and looked over her shoulder.
"I need to get back. I have a groups session in a few minutes—"
"No problem. I have our flight info. We get there at the end of January—"
"Maybe we should wait until February."
"You don't want them to come out there?"
She leaned her head on her right hand.
"I've been doing some deep mental work and it's thrown me for a loop. I wasn't expecting to process so much this soon. I'm not sure if I'm ready to handle a visit right now. I'm barely holding it together talking to them…and you now."
"I'm sorry it's so difficult for you."
A few tears rolled down her face.
"It's so hard…so hard Erik. There's so much pain in me that I wasn't aware of. Stuff from when I was kid…"
She wept then and he watched her face crumble into a red wet mess and open-mouthed wailing. Thank God he didn't have her on speaker.
"Hey…Calista…it's going to be okay. I know how hard it is. My therapy is still kicking my ass. But you are doing what needs to be done. Think of Deuce and Marina. Think of how happy they will be when they get their Mom back to who she really wants to be."
"I know…I know…"
Calista wiped snot from her nose and her lank hair fell over her cheeks.
"I'm so grateful they are there with Mr. and Mrs. Moreno."
She wiped her face again.
"I have to go—"
"Let me know if you change your mind about the visit. We have open tickets. You tell us when to come to you."
"Alright…goodbye—"
She hung up fast and Erik stood alone on the side of the unfinished house. Deuce and Marina's voices blended with Yvette's and the other children running around with their new shiny toys. He didn't know what to think of her refusal of seeing the kids. He worried that it would devastate Marina. Deuce could probably understand his mother's reasoning, but Marina would internalize the situation as her fault. She tended to do that and would fixate on trying to fix the problem when it wasn't her problem to begin with. Erik pushed the worry away from his mind. He had weeks to deal with that.
Walking back over to the house, he stepped into the kitchen and found Belinda and Sugar filleting fish with Butchie sitting in the middle of the floor watching them work. Belinda placed light pink fish meat on a tray resting on the side of the kitchen counter and within seconds, Butchie had snuck over to the counter, jumped up and snatched a mouthful of fish parts, and knocked the tray on the floor.
"Butchie!" Belinda screamed.
The children ran after the dog who took off into the desert behind the house.
He was banned from the house when any other cooking was happening.
"Good job, Deuce," Belinda said.
Erik's son dipped new fish into the batter of milk, flour, mustard, allspice, oregano, and other secret things before dropping it into the fryer. He had a nice stack of fish ready to eat encased in golden brown goodness.
Sugar stepped into the house then, fixing herself a plate before the rest of the fish was fried up.
"So impatient," Belinda scolded.
"Starving," Sugar said squeezing fresh lime over the fish before sprinkling pico de gallo and white sauce all over it bypassing the bowl of shredded cabbage. She ate right at the counter.
Erik stared at her neck. She wore the rare precious stone bib necklace that he gifted her with for Christmas. Made of blue corundum, light blue beryl stones, champagne diamonds, and laced onto a rhodium and silver geometrical chain-links, it cost him over five thousand dollars and was the one and only gift he gave her because he was afraid to give her too much in front of her family. He chose the stones because they looked like seafoam and reminded him of the waters of the Caribbean. The moment she opened the light blue velvet box it sat in, her mouth and her family's dropped open. It was unique looking, one of a kind, not easily afforded by average people, precious, delicate, and bold. All the things that reminded him of her.
Her mother helped her put it around her neck and Marina was thrilled because he bought her an anklet and bracelet made from the same elements. His daughter held her wrist up to Sugar's neck and they both admired the similarities in the various stones. Sugar accepted it with grace, but he could tell by her flushed face that she knew it was a pricey gift that wasn't just bought in a random store. It was jewelry that had to be designed and took months to make by a craftsman jeweler. He had it commissioned for her after she won her first major competition after she left him.
Sugar stuffed her mouth with more fish tacos and her mother went to stir her pot of black-eyed peas and mixed greens for the New Year at midnight. Deuce made room for Belinda at the stove. After twenty minutes, all the fish was ready and everyone else sat down at the table and ate. Yvette was ready to scale more fish. She ate so much seafood with the Moreno's, he guessed that she would go home and become a pescatarian.
Returning to the stove, Belinda waved her hand above her black-eyed peas as the steam from the big pot drifted up.
"Those smoked turkey wings are doing the damn thang!" she said.
"My grandmother used to cook all that for New Year's too," Erik said.
"It's for good luck in the coming year," Belinda said putting a lid on the pot."
"I ain't had black-eyed peas in years."
"Well, we will have black-eyed peas, greens, and some cornbread to usher in the future," Belinda said.
"I don't like greens," Marina said.
Sugar clutched her chest and acted like she was having a heart attack.
"What Black person doesn't like greens?"
Marina smirked.
"I just don't."
"Who cooked your greens?" Sugar asked.
"Mommy."
Sugar fixed her face real quick.
"Was it greens or kale?"
Belinda tapped Sugar's shoulder and shook her head at her.
"I promise you'll like my greens. I cook them all day and they become tender and full of flavor and love," Belinda assured her.
Marina crinkled her nose.
"If you don't like it, I'll eat them," Sugar said reaching for more tortillas.
"What's good luck about eating black-eyed peas?" Deuce asked.
Belinda wiped her hands on a paper napkin.
"It's a tradition in the south. My great-grandmother in Yazoo, Mississippi made them for my family. It's a humble food. Slaves had to live off of beans and rice, greens, and scraps of pork because they were underfed by white slave owners. They would eat and drink the juices from greens to get the nutrients they needed. Corn has always been a staple food for Black people and Native people. Cornbread was easy to make and very filling. I think it brings clarity and connects us to our past. It helps Black people stay rooted in their survival. Does that make sense?"
Deuce nodded and Belinda stroked his right shoulder.
"How come you didn't make chitlins?" he asked.
"You eat chitlins?" Sugar asked.
"My grandmother makes them on Oakland."
"We don't do chitlins here, but Papi loves Menudo. Abuela will bring some over tonight. I hate it," Belinda said.
"I like 'em," Deuce said.
"I don't," Marina said making a face and sticking out her tongue.
"I feel you," Belinda said.
"They stink so bad!"
"Put some hot sauce on it," Yvette said wiping her hands.
While Sugar and Yvette cleaned up the kitchen with Robert, Cedro and Belinda walked outside together holding hands. They wandered off down the beach barefoot, stepping onto the wet sand as a large sandbar revealed itself in the low tide.
Deuce and Marina tagged along with them and Erik watched them walk far until they reached water once more. Sugar's parents kept walking further away while his children kicked up water with their feet. The rest of the day was spent relaxing.
As the sun departed from the sky, Cedro brought out firecrackers and sparklers. Under close adult supervision, all the children, Erik's and Sugar's younger cousins who they first met, were allowed to hold sparklers as Cedro lit fireworks that raced high into the sky and exploded in reds, greens, and blues. Robert played party music on his music player with small speakers, and the countdown to the new year was greeted with shouts of joy and more fireworks set off.
Midnight hit and Cedro grabbed Belinda and laid the biggest kiss on her. Horns were blown by the kids, and Erik felt bold enough to hug Sugar and give her a soft peck on her lips. It was hard to let her go from his arms, but he caught Deuce staring at them and Erik stepped away to grab a noisemaker and shake it.
Plates of black-eyed peas and greens were passed around in the house and Lila scooped small bowls of Menudo that were sopped up with the cornbread Belinda baked. Two hours into the New Year as Sugar's relatives went back to Lila's house, Erik climbed up onto the roof and laid flat on his back with his children, Yvette, Sugar, and her immediate family. The moon was gone and only the stars sparkled above them. Cedro looked at his watch.
"They said after two in the morning," he said.
"There's one!" Marina shouted pointing above her head.
Shooting stars streaked across the sky. For about ten minutes a flurry of dust and small meteor rocks burned above the atmosphere making a light show better than the earlier fireworks. Erik felt Sugar's arm bump against his and he reached his fingers out to her hand and held it. He turned his head as it rested on the pillow he used to cushion it, and her face was already there, her eyes taking his in. She squeezed his hand.
"Ooh, Daddy look, there's a lot now!"
Marina stood up and raised her hands like she could touch the hot streaks decorating the sky. Spreading her fingers and tilting her head back, Marina looked like a magician making the stars dance. She looked at him then plopped down next to him. He sat up and put an arm around her shoulder. The meteor shower came in intervals, and within thirty minutes it petered out. Slowly but surely, the others climbed back down the ladder to seek sleep. Erik stayed on the roof with Deuce and Marina.
"Night," Sugar said as she made her way down.
The star party ended and Marina fell asleep curled around his hip. Erik and Deuce sat next to each other still gazing into the void.
"You alright?" Erik asked Deuce.
The boy's face was hard to read even with the glow of stars.
"Deuce?"
"Can I tell you something and you won't be mad?"
"You can tell me anything."
Deuce glanced down at his sleeping sister.
"I was mad when you and Mom broke up."
"I know."
"I used to want you guys to get back together…but now…."
"It's okay, just say what you want to say. No judgment."
"You guys were never happy together, were you?"
Erik took in a deep breath.
"We had good times together—"
"That's not being happy, Dad."
Deuce lowered his head.
"Papi and Miss Belinda are happy. Even when they fuss with each other or disagree about something, they are happy. They do stuff together. They always kiss each other…or hold hands. I never saw you or Mom do that."
"Some relationships are just different—"
"You never acted like the Morenos. Not ever."
Erik saw a tear then. Deuce's lip trembled.
"I'm glad you and Mom are divorced."
Deuce's voice was flat in tone. He raised his knees up to his chest and the light breeze floating across the desert ruffled his loose long hair. Erik didn't know what to say. Deuce wiped his eye as he stared at the water.
"It's better. She sounds better. You do too. I think if people get married, they should be friends first. And like each other. And want to be together," Deuce said.
Another tear fell from his son's eye.
"Do you think you'll ever get married again?"
"I don't know."
Deuce looked at him then. Erik threw his left arm around his son's shoulder feeling the tightness in his ligaments. He ignored it.
"No matter what went down with your Mom and me…we love the two of you. People try to work things out and sometimes it doesn't come together. Sometimes people are lucky like Mr. and Mrs. Moreno—"
"But they love each other, Dad. Really love each other. I don't want you or Mom to ever get married again unless you love someone."
Deuce's eyes pleaded with him.
"I promise," Erik said.
Deuce let out a breath.
"Can I tell you something?" Erik asked.
"Yeah."
"Papi told me that you want to live with me in Mission Beach. Is that true?"
"Yeah."
"How come you didn't tell me that first?"
"You were busy and gone."
"Your Mom won't be happy."
"I'm hoping that she'll get better and be okay with it when she comes home."
"She won't be okay with it."
"Can you talk to her?"
"I can talk but she will fight me about it. Why do you want to stay with me?"
"I want to go to Mission Bay High. I want to work with Papi. I want to be around you more. It's calm at your house."
"You'd leave Marina?"
"I'd still see her when she came to visit you,"
"But you two are a team—"
"I don't want to live with Mom!"
The boy's shout startled him as it echoed around the roof. Marina stirred a little but stayed asleep. Erik could hear movement down below inside the house.
"Let me live with you…please."
Deuce's face contorted in distress and Erik pulled him in for a hug.
"We'll work it out…hey…hey…listen to me. We'll work something out. You're with me for a nice long time now. Let's take advantage of it, okay?"
"Okay."
He felt Deuce's chest shudder against his.
"Your Mom and I are trying to rebuild our lives. It might take a little time to get used to our new living arrangements—"
"I don't need to get used to it. I like it already. I want to be with you…"
"Okay…okay…"
"I don't want Deuce to go…"
Marina's tearful voice surprised Erik. She was awake the whole time. Clutching at the other side of his chest. Marina sat up, her pleading eyes trapping his.
"Me and Deuce are just talking baby girl. Go back to sleep—"
"Are you staying with Daddy?"
"I want to—"
"Nooo!"
"Marina…baby girl…"
"I want us to stay together. I want Mommy with us!"
Erik closed his eyes and felt his body close in on itself. He heard feet moving up the ladder. The top of Belinda's head appeared and she stepped onto the roof.
"Hey," she said.
Erik couldn't speak. He stared at her helpless with two crying children while fighting the hot tears that threatened to spill from his lids.
"The New Year often opens up all kinds of feelings," Belinda said.
She sat down near Marina.
"Did we wake you up?" Erik asked.
"No, I was sneaking another piece of cornbread and some greens," she said chuckling and patting her stomach.
Belinda reached over and touched the ends of Marina's braids.
"You like having everyone together, huh, baby?" Belinda asked.
Marina nodded.
"Come here."
Belinda held out her arms and Marina went to her.
"I'm so happy you all could be with my family. You have fun?"
Both children nodded.
"Keeping a family is hard work sometimes. I know your Dad is doing his best to work and make sure you two are taken care of. I know your Mom is working to get better too. She was really nice on the phone. And so proud of you both."
"I don't want Deuce to go away," Marina wept.
"Oh, he's not wanting to go far. I hear he's made some new friends like you. He wants to go to school with his new friends. He's a big boy now and maybe he can help your Dad out more if he's around him more. Didn't you tell me that your Dad is busy a lot?"
Marina nodded.
"Well, maybe he can help your Dad be less busy so he can use all that extra time to be with you."
"But I can help too."
"I'm sure you could, but that's the big brother's job."
"Then what's my job?"
"To be happy. Have fun. Let Deuce do the boring stuff and you get all the fun stuff. He'll still be around for you—"
"But Mommy needs him too."
"I know she does. How about you let your Dad figure stuff out and you don't worry about anything except making me more bracelets and lip gloss, and drawing all those wonderful pictures you made for us. Did Papi show you the new frame he bought in town to hang your drawing with?"
"No."
"Well my goodness. It looks amazing. He already hung it in the living room before he went to bed."
Belinda brushed back her twists and looked at Deuce.
"You're having a tough time right now," she whispered.
Deuce nodded.
"It will get better. I promise. Life has ups and downs as you get older, but you are a brilliant young man. I know you'll be fine. Right?"
"Yeah."
"Ooh! It's getting chilly with that wind. Cover up if you sleep out here. I'm going to go back in and eat."
"Is there enough cornbread left to get some?" Deuce asked.
"Plenty. Go help yourself. You want any more, Marina?"
His daughter nodded.
"Go on down and get some."
Deuce and Marina moved away from them. Erik watched them climb down and then he wiped his eyes. Belinda touched his hand and he released a flood of tears.
"Sorry…," he choked out trying to stop his weeping.
"Don't be sorry. It's difficult. What you all are going through together…it's hard. You seem to provide the stability that Deuce needs."
"He told me that he's glad me and his Mom are divorced. Months ago, he wouldn't speak to me or even be with me because I was a terrible husband. Now…he's telling me he's happy that I left his Mom. He wants to live with me. Marina doesn't want him to leave La Jolla."
"It's tough."
"It is…"
His eyes kept spilling his sorrow and Belinda leaned over and wrapped her arms around him.
"How about you come down and eat some more cornbread and greens. Load up on some more black-eyed peas for that good luck?"
"Sounds good," he said.
She touched his chest over his heart.
"Relax your breath," she said.
He copied her breathing and felt his nerves calm down.
Erik followed her back down into the house and saw that Sugar was up with his children eating. She saw his eyes but said nothing about the wetness she saw there on his face. He wiped his eyes again and grabbed a plate, scooping peas and greens on it before cutting himself a big chunk of cornbread. He sat next to Marina and across from Sugar. Deuce and Marina seemed to be in better spirits.
The wind kicked up and Belinda shut the windows in the kitchen and living room with Sugar's help.
"Grew cooler," Belinda said.
She turned to the children.
"Time for bed. We have one more good day of fun planned," she said.
"Night," Deuce said waving at everyone.
He slipped into the second bedroom where Robert and Yvette were already sleeping.
Marina slipped her arms around Erik's neck. He kissed her cheek and rubbed her back.
"Feel better?" he asked.
"A little bit."
"See you in the morning, okay?"
She nodded and padded off to the second bedroom. Belinda patted Erik's shoulder and walked into her bedroom, closing the curtain behind her.
"Something big went down?" Sugar whispered.
"Yeah."
She stroked his face. He closed his eyes at her touch. Like her mother, Sugar could calm him with the slightest caress and soft words.
"Come with me," she said.
Taking her hand, he followed her over to the living room and crawled onto the pull-out couch bed. Lying next to him, Sugar rested her head on his chest and rubbed his stomach. When his body relaxed more, she moved her hand from his belly up to his head and massaged his scalp. He turned his body toward her and placed his face on her breast, enjoying the softness that cushioned him. He could feel water leaking from his eyes again, and he let them flow and fall upon her. She kept stroking gentle circles on his head.
"I'm trying so hard, Sugar," he whispered into her chest.
"I know you are."
He touched the necklace he bought her that rested around her neck.
"My son told me on the roof that your parents are the blueprint for how a relationship should be. I came nowhere close with his Mom. He called me out on it. Told me to make sure I was in love for real the next time I decide to get married. He wants to live with me…my daughter is stressed that he's leaving her behind. I can't—"
"Shhh. You don't have to solve everything right now."
Her hands continued to rub and stroke the tension out of his forehead and neck and his thoughts drifted to memories of their time in Baja together. Her other hand stroked his arm and he fell into a deep sleep serenaded by the thumping of her strong heart.
###
Sabine woke up early and went for a walk down the beach.
When she returned to the house, everyone was up and about except for Erik. He was still fast asleep. Everyone moved around indoors quietly until noon when they all got dressed to go into town for the day. Erik was eating cornbread with her Dad when she drove her grandmother Lila in the opposite direction to Puertecitos. Robert would drive her van to help carry everyone to San Felipe following their Dad's car. Sabine drove her grandmother's Dodge truck. The plan was to take Lila to her friend's house for a couple of hours and then drive her back home. Sabine wanted some quiet time to herself and didn't feel like going to San Felipe.
Things went according to plans until her grandmother didn't feel well and the visit was cut short. Sabine drove her back to her home and made sure Lila was comfortable in her bed with hot tea and warm blankets. She sat and talked with Lila until she fell asleep.
Strolling back over to the family's house, the wind blew up sand onto Sabine's legs and some of it scratched her face. She opened up the door and shut it fast feeling the pressure of the wind fighting her as she closed it. Running into her parent's bathroom, she used their sun shower water bag to take a shower and scrub away a day's worth of dirt. Her skin felt squeaky clean as she rinsed the last bit of soap away from her feet. Stepping out of the shower stall she strolled naked and wet to the other bathroom to retrieve a clean towel.
"Shit!"
Sabine stopped in her soaked tracks in the middle of the living room.
Erik sat up from the pull-out bed.
"I thought you left with everyone!" she shouted.
"I was tired. Stayed behind to sleep."
"You were here the whole time?"
"Yeah."
Sabine didn't even notice him under the pile of jumbled sheets and blankets when she walked in.
"Sorry I scared you."
Erik's eyes dragged up and down her body. Sabine moved quickly toward the second bathroom.
He stood and blocked her.
"I have to get a towel."
Her eyes sought his and she saw the desire in them.
"It's just you and me here," he whispered.
His hands snaked across his hips and his thumbs hooked into his shorts and pulled them down. Stepping out of them he let the garment drop to the floor. Sabine stepped to his right and he became a wall of hot flesh trapping her against the wall. She tried to look everywhere else except for his eyes but his hands gripped her face and he placed those big plush lips onto hers and kissed her breath away.
