Through the closet and the long curving sweep of stairs that led to the veranda, she overlooked her private landing deck.
Coruscant once night fell, always appeared to be an endless expanse of light, shining from hundred of trillions of windows in hundreds of trillions of buildings that reached many kilometres into the sky. Navigation lights, holo-net news boards, advertising, and the infinite streams of speeders, cruisers, and ships running lights coursed in an ocean of traffic.
Ragged swaths of the city were in vast darkness or spotted with small fires, broken only by the overwhelming glares of the surrounding lights and noise from gambling clubs. All of them, aftermath from the recent riots that nearly destroyed the Senate District and a few districts outside of it.
Padme focused on her breathing, reaching out with her feelings, and simply stood still. The city looked like it was broken from war. There was a stain of darkness on it, where even the lights and whirls of air traffic reigned, and none of it could escape her perception.
Dorme moved quietly, but Padme felt her approach long before she got outside.
She took a place beside her at the railing and laid her soft hand along the cool metal. Without saying a word, Dorme simply stood with Padme, staring silently out into the city that had become something like her second home for nearly three years, and waited patiently for Padme to speak.
Dorme trusted that she would.
She could feel Padme's patience, her caution, most importantly her trust, and she was so grateful for both that tears welled in her eyes. Dorme had to blink out at the burning night, and blink again, wiping her eyes subtly to keep fresh tears from spilling over onto her cheeks.
Padme put her hand on top of hers and held it gently until she could let herself speak.
"I am afraid. I fear for Naboo." Padme said finally.
Dorme accepted this with a slow, serious nod. "Is this why you wish to leave the Republic?"
"I feel like I do back when the Trade Federation invaded our world. I almost feel the exact same as I did back then."
Dorme couldn't look at her.
"The Delegation of 2000."
Padme nodded even slower, and more serious.
"Must we worry about them?"
"They are not an immediate threat." Padme looked down at Dorme's slim fingers.
"I know Bail Organa and Mon Mothma want you to do certain things. But, if you throw in your lot with them you will catch Palpatine's eyes if you haven't already."
Padme turned aside, leaned on the rail, and stared out into the night. She observed the skyscrapers in the distance and focused on the pulsing distant fires of stars she found to be more beautiful than anything she had ever seen on Coruscant.
"They want me to cause a distraction." Padme said softly. "They wish to use me."
Dorme simply waited, still trusting. When Padme could finally continue speaking, her voice was firm and rigid as though she had been debating all day.
"They want to use me as a distraction so they can do as they please. I couldn't stand what Palpatine was doing, but I can't stand what Bail and Mon are trying to do. I can't shake the thought that they are the same evil."
Padme couldn't look at Dorme as she spoke, she looked at the city, at the deck, at the stars, and she found no place she could bear to see.
"Why do they want you to be a scapegoat?" Dorme questioned.
"For their organization. Their rebellion." Padme said.
Padme focused with more intent.
Each individual life on Coruscant and in the galaxy burned bravely.
Coruscant was like a flickering candle raised against the sharpest of winds. She kept her eyes on the Jedi Temple, and let her focus trace to the landing decks in 500 Republica.
Both flickering candles themselves, waiting to be snuffed out.
"It was never a luxury."
Dorme turned to look at her. "Pardon?"
"Freedom. Hope. Sovereignty. Having a voice. Having the ability to defend ourselves and speak for ourselves. It isn't a luxury. It's our duty. It is our right. It is something we can never take for granted, and it is something worth fighting for."
"M'lady?"
Slowly Padme turned her head up, staring into the night.
"The Republic is gone. It is merely a hollowed out husk of what it used to be. The principles, ideals, and liberties of the Republic are dying or have been vanquished as we are speaking. I'm going to tell Palpatine we Naboo are retiring and withdrawing."
Padme's voice was thick and somber, the sheer gravity of the situation brought a tremor to rage through her body.
"What of Her Highness, Queen Jamillia?"
"It will be her responsibility to remain queen or let someone else take the post. We cannot rely on the Republic anymore. We will govern ourselves and take care of ourselves. It was a grave mistake on our part to become a part of the rotten husk called the Republic."
"Padme..." Dorme blurted in reply, standing at attention, looking more than a little scared.
"We will look to our past as Naboo and we will think of the Republic as the ancient past. Naboo has always been our world, we have our sovereignty, and we have our freedom. I will not let Palpatine, the Republic, the Separatist Council, the Jedi Order, the Sith, or the CIS military change this fact or try taking it away." Padme's voice was stern.
She was sharing something important with Dorme, what would be considered treasonous soon enough, and Dorme was obviously not thrilled to hear talk of breaking away from the Republic.
Dorme cleared her throat and stood a bit straighter. "I understand, M'lady. I only worry for your well being and safety. If you have no allies or friends in the Republic, where will that leave us?"
"I have one good friend. One good ally. He will support us. Perhaps he can rally a few more to support us as long as we can return the favor...Somehow..."
"Return the favor? How? Who?" Dorme asked, eyes a little wide.
"I will be contacted soon enough. Consider it a favor for doing Naboo a long term favor."
"I am afraid I do not understand."
"I'd like you to pack and leave as soon as possible. It is only a matter of time before Palpatine's laws and amendments go into effect and things are made more complicated for us. We can still move freely without his Red Coats harassing us, so let us do so."
"Of course, M'Lady. I will do that, but what about you?"
"I have to close the stage here."
"As you wish."
Padme made her way down her hallway with careful, measured steps. Though her pace was one of stealth and even subdued, her mood was electric. In the months since her fateful meeting with Cadus on her veranda, her situation had turned around completely.
As promised, he was teaching her. The first few hundred sessions had gone slowly as he personally helped her work through the possibility of her mind fearing its own potential, and cutting itself off entirely from the force to protect her.
Bit by bit the black veil had been torn away. Piece by piece he helped her claim what was her own, she felt the power course through her veins.
Since then the training had gone much more quickly and picked up in intensity.
Her hunger for knowledge and progress drove her studies. It fueled her ability to use the force. It enabled her to understand the lessons Cadus had passed onto her. Despite being ignored by Jedi and Sith, she was learning everything both were being taught, had been taught, more than what they were taught, and she was learning it rapidly.
She would keep up the pretense of being a Senator. It was important that no one suspected anything had changed. She kept her training with Cadus hidden from everyone...Just as the light-saber training was kept secret from everyone.
Cadus knew she was growing more formidable with the whip and blade, but he was also aware that she was making similar strides in other areas. He could see her progress in unleashing her true potential with the force, but she was also mastering the intricacies of light-saber combat and other, more cunning force abilities.
As a result, everyone in the galaxy was likely to underestimate the full scope of her abilities. She liked the subtle edge that gave her. Her days were now filled with study, meditation, and training. In the darkest hours before morning's first light she would practice drills, katas, sequences, and techniques. She would study the holocron's archives in the afternoon, where she could share instruction with the gatekeeper without fear of interruption or discovery.
And whenever she wasn't training, she was reading the ancient texts and ancient history of the galaxy itself, and this is how she knew she would have to project an image of weakness and fear to hide her remarkable metamorphosis.
Yoda, Obi Wan, Windu, or one of the other Jedi Masters, or maybe one of the more remarkable Jedi Knights might be able to pierce the false front she would project and sense her true power.
If they were not blinded by their own hubris, arrogance, and sanctimonious blathering.
Like they were at the moment.
This anonymity suited her just fine.
Padme hardly slept. Her body no longer needed sleep like before, even if the sensation was relaxing and rejuvenated her mind. Sleeping was a pleasure she wouldn't deny. Now, her body fed on her growing command of the force. A few hours of meditation each day was enough to keep her body prime and her mind sharp.
She consumed knowledge, devouring everything she got from the gatekeeper, and always searched for more.
The gatekeeper was amazed at her progress, and even some Jedi and Sith-despite their years of study-would be hard pressed to keep ahead of her. Everything she learned from the gatekeeper she supplemented with the texts of the ancients.
During her first real lecture she sensed the value of the archives within the holocron, the knowledge contained within was timeless. She could easily be drawn into the daily routine of intense lessons, light-saber training, blaster training, and any physical training, but that was always easy to accomplish.
The force was infinite, and though the Jedi, Dark Jedi, and Sith all walk different paths than their Je'daii forebears had, and other force organizations...
They all sought answers in the force.
Padme smiled at the irony. She was a Senator. Yet with the gatekeeper and her own studies, she was receiving far more education than any other apprentice of Jedi or Sith at present.
The truth would be revealed soon enough.
When the time was right.
Sidious would discover that he had underestimated her.
Yoda would discover he had underestimated her.
They all would discover it.
They would regret it.
Padme understood the purpose of the holocron.
It was a tool, an immense storage of knowledge, something that would help her accelerate her progress without Cadus hovering directly over her like he had been before. Where she focused and accelerated, the holocron would follow suit, where she lagged, the holocron would push more studies and training into that field, almost in tandem with her thoughts.
She also understood how far reaching the effects of the force could be.
Cadus's holocron was undeniable power, she could feel the waves of energy radiating from it even when it wasn't activated. The massive amounts of knowledge kept her awake for days and nights. The gatekeeper spoke on everything from force abilities, the nuances of light and dark, the bendu or balance, force organizations, light-saber techniques, and much, much more.
At times it felt like her mind became a maze of knowledge.
Fortunately, she had a way to help keep store of it all.
She kept her own holocrons as well as datapads, and she would copy certain data that resonated with her into them. Whether it was about healing, Sith history, Jedi history, spinning on a light-saber technique, or even the simplest of things like a Jedi going to a diplomatic meeting four thousand years ago...
She always ensured nothing escaped her focus.
"You ask about Force Persuasion?" The gatekeeper regarded her.
Padme nodded, seated in seiza, the holocron rested on the ground in front of her.
A three‐dimensional image of Cadus, centimeters tall, was projected just above the apex of the cube.
"I understand the concepts of warfare and battle outside of the Jedi, Sith, and the force. I am familiar with whips, bladed weapons, blasters, dual bladed weapons, bows and arrows, poles, long and short. I was trained well, from a young age. But, such things grow tedious. They are cumbersome. There will always be battle, and those in battle are often manipulated by those in power, or those who are operating in the shadows."
"You must be careful not to dominate the person or people of your focus. Besides the fact they are living and breathing, you must remember they have memories. Certain things are ingrained deep within them. To tinker or change those fundamentals will only lead you to your own doom and who you seek to persuade will kill you."
Padme understood that the projection speaking to her was only a simulated personality known as the gatekeeper. Every holocron had one. A virtual guide programmed with the personality traits of the original creator, the gatekeeper served as a guardian and teacher of the information stored within the artifact.
But, the warning was real. When the tall image of Cadus told her she would be killed, its voice dropped, and she felt her own heart drop at the declaration. At that point she would have to eliminate the person or people she was manipulating, trying to manipulate, or they would kill her.
It was more than a hint. It was on the verge of being selfish. It was a clear message of the sacrifices one must make to embrace the dark side and seek to dominate,‐a valuable lesson for any who would follow those teachings strictly.
To dominate the minds of thousands, and then kill them all. Dominate the mind of one, have that one dispose many, and have that one disposed.
The cycle of bloodshed was endless.
She had to focus in on her strong points with the force, not necessarily brutal force. She knew wile and cunning would be her friends. Stealth, dexterity, flexibility, speed, swiftness, quickness, nimbleness, and acrobatics were her friends.
She needed to construct her light-whip.
She needed this smaller version of Cadus to divulge more on the ability and its nuances.
Ever since she received the holocron she pestered, questioned, listened, and badgered the gatekeeper in an attempt to get the full scope of knowledge. She delved deep into the holocron, accomplishing in less than a week what would have taken Jedi or Sith months, even years to accomplish.
She sat through the tedious lessons of the history of the Jedi Order, and the original Order that was called the Je'daii Order.
She sat through the long lessons of the war between the opposing sides, and how the Je'daii went extinct.
She listened to the philosophical lessons of the light, dark, the Bendu, the Way Of The Dark, and more force creeds throughout the galaxy. She knew which were confrontational, which were more extreme, and which were more peaceful viewpoints of the force.
She always learned something new about the force, about light-saber combat, about the history of the Jedi, the history of the Sith, and the history of the Republic which was intertwined with the Jedi and Sith almost by default.
The gatekeeper's words revealed much about Cadus's personality and beliefs. He was content, intense, ferocious, understanding, good nature, kind, austere, and humble. His lessons mirrored nothing in her lifetime, not even when she was undergoing training to be a Senator on Naboo.
She knew she wouldn't be able to move beyond his teachings, not yet. Her understanding of the dark side, light side, and the Bendu was steadily increasing. But, she knew she was just a neophyte in the ways of the force and light-saber combat.
Her power was growing rapidly. During all of her time before Naboo, on Naboo, and now, she had learned much about the force and the power one could wield from channeling it. Physically, she was always remarkably fit, but now she felt stronger than she had ever felt before.
During her training on Naboo she could sprint at full speed for ten kilometers before she had to breath heavily. Her reflexes were quicker, sharper, more acute, her mind and senses were more precise than she possibly could have imagined.
She could channel the force through her body and use her body as a conduit for the force itself to channel directly into it, giving her bursts of energy. She was able to perform full flips, front, back, side, cartwheel, corkscrews, and other acrobatics as well as incredible gymnastics from a standing position.
She could run and transition into dozens, turning the dozens into hundreds until she resembled a twisting ribbon in mid air. She was able to maintain her awareness the whole time, knowing where each part of her body was, and where her surroundings were in relation to herself.
She was able to jump down from incredible heights uninjured.
She could even leap vertically twenty meters or more.
She was completely aware of her surroundings at all times, sensing the presence of others. She could even get a feel of their intentions, vague impressions of their very thoughts. She was able to levitate larger objects now, and for longer periods.
With each lesson her power grew. It became easier and easier to call on the force and let it become a channel within her. And with each passing week since her training began, Padme realized she had surpassed her previous points, moving far beyond what she thought she was capable of.
However, she did spend time studying the ancient knowledge, history, and lore. Her initial fascination with them had grown into a fondness, then the fondness turned into a thirst, and she was swept away by the seemingly endless pool.
Absorbing the knowledge of Jedi, Sith, and others attuned or sensitive to the force was a true pleasure, and one she would never take for granted. Historical records couldn't compete with the feeling of exhilaration and power she felt when actually using the force, but this knowledge sharpened her mind.
She was diplomatic, amicable, and peaceful and part of those traits came from the rigorous upbringing every Naboo went through when they entered the apprentice program. To hold themselves. To master themselves. To curb their impulses for the greater good.
She understood the exhilaration could overtake her, and to have more knowledge so such a feeling was more fleeting than consuming was always a goal she kept in mind. Power wouldn't overtake her. Power was useless without knowledge, and in the end, knowledge was greater than power.
Cadus really transcended the limited understanding, wisdom, and teachings of the Jedi Order as a whole, and Jedi like Yoda. He didn't keep those he trained in the same self induced ignorance other Jedi bestowed upon those trained under them.
He didn't let allow those he trained to sway too heavily to one end or the other, and always stressed balance in one's abilities and focus.
He covered everything. He went into long lessons about the archaic, esoteric, and forbidden. There was one particular ability that caught her attention during the long lessons, one not so violent or forceful, but rooted in reading emotional currents.
"Explain the nuances of Force Persuasion." Padme stated.
"It is dangerous, depending on how far you take it. There are many variations, and each one is more powerful than the next, and if you are not careful you will corrupt yourself as much as you corrupt those around you."
"I understand the dangers of this technique, but I don't understand the nuances of it. How can I persuade a thousand with no problem, but fail to persuade Jabba the Hutt? Even if some species are immune to this, or can offer more resistance, they can't exert their will over the force itself."
"It depends on how one uses this ability. One brings hope to comrades, and heightens the fear of one's enemies. One twists the will of armies, not through subtle influence, but with complete domination. You could dominate all of the Hutts, but you may not be able to persuade, or give a subtle push in the right direction to a single one."
The holo-image looked at Padme, tilting its head in deep observation. It understood Padme sought this out earnestly, and it was one of her strengths.
Touching the minds and hearts of billions was always her greatest talent.
"You must choose the people carefully, and you must exercise your ability and power carefully as well. It comes down to your choice, and no matter what you say or believe you are doing it for...The fact of the matter is you are controlling people to meet your own ends, this must be accepted. If they are strong willed, stand by their ideals with resolution, or are strong mentally and emotionally it will make it more problematic."
"Problematic?"
"There will be an ebb and flow you must compensate. If you do not compensate you will be strained. They will know you are intruding within their minds, and they will become hostile towards you because of it."
The mention of strong will made Padme think of Bail, Mon, and the rest of the Delegation of the 2000, and how Bail was so bold as to call Palpatine's rule and ways into question.
How he was trying to get Palpatine taken out of office.
Perhaps Palpatine had pushed them all too far, even herself.
"I understand. There will be people beyond my ability to persuade. Persuading or subtly manipulating people over time will end up backfiring on me, if I seek to control and dominate them. But, I can lull them, I can give them a little nudge, and one so subtle they wouldn't even notice it." Padme nodded, rubbing her chin softly.
"And, this way, or the other way, that person will have to be killed if they are beyond your ability."
"I won't kill. I don't have to. In battle, if I am attacked, of course I will have to. But, strong willed people who are stubborn are my specialty, sometimes...It takes a little compensation in order for them to bend, but a helpful push does help..."
The gatekeeper nodded slowly. "In order to understand the nuances you must understand Battle Meditation, once you understand Battle Meditation and its nuances...Force Persuasion, its variants, and their nuances will be simplified a great deal for you as it is merely one on one."
"And, what about Battle Meditation?"
"With Battle Meditation you are touching the minds of entire fleets-you can fill them with hope or despair. You can turn the currents of battle on a simple whim."
Padme latched onto the lesson. "What is Battle Meditation?"
"It is the ability to use the force to coordinate allies and entire fleets. You allow them to perform at maximum efficiency, acting as the single entity with the ability to counter every enemy move quickly. It is ideal for large scale conflicts. It can be of great benefit when used with just one's comrades in small duels or skirmishes. You can demoralize your foes and reduce their combat effectiveness by more than half when honed. It has been used through the years to influence armies and fleets to win battles and the most bloody of wars."
Over the past few days Padme had skimmed with some topics, techniques, and abilities. She didn't turn them over and over like she did with Bendu, due to the monks eschewing confrontation, and she didn't latch onto it with the same vigor as she did with this lesson, or other lessons focusing on the history rather than brute strength.
"Before you put yourself into such danger using these force abilities, you must construct your light-whips or weapond of your choice. You will garner more enemies than you already have by using these techniques; even the most basic of them Padme."
"I understand..."
"You are hesitant."
"I would rather not fight unless I have to."
"Using such abilities are less confrontational than battling outright, but it still carries drawbacks. If you do not know how to compensate the ability, those who you are touching will be fully aware of what you are trying to do. You must remember others will be quick to get violent when they realize you are encroaching in their minds. If that happens you must have the strength to protect yourself with your own two hands."
Shakily, Padme nodded.
She felt sweat trickle down her forehead and cheeks as the hologram's eyes grew more stern.
"The crystals..." She finally murmured.
"It's time, Padme. This is your first step and your first trial. Not your first trial as an apprentice, not as a Jedi, not as a Senator...But, as a living person, Padme. We all face them."
Padme slowly slipped her hand into her pockets. She gently clenched the crystals. She passed her hand over them when she set them down in her lap. She could feel the vibrations emanate over them, the trailing vibrations moving all across her room, and she felt it all without having to touch them directly.
She felt the vibrations grow stronger.
Slowly, she opened the small sack and let the crystals calling to her fall into her lap.
"You must meditate, Padme. Focus on your breath and the vibrations of the crystals. Cleanse your mind. Your intent will guide your feelings. The crystals will call to you, they will bond with your feelings."
Padme nodded.
She held the crystals in her palm. They all had warmth, a pulse, a vibration, a resonance, almost like they were conscious. Accessing the force was not difficult for her, even now on the clogged world of Coruscant since she had more than enough practice on Naboo.
She felt it rise around her from the sun high in the sky, and especially from the crystals themselves. She was comforted by pulse of the crystals, their warmth spread through her as the sun beamed on her face, kissing her wholly.
"Do you have any questions before you begin?" The hologram's voice was soft, almost hesitant to speak anymore.
"My fighting...You don't intend to make me play on defense, do you?"
"No, of course not. You will learn to use agility, dexterity, flexibility, acrobatics, gymnastics, and swift movements so you are able to handle your light-whips correctly. The techniques are complicated, but when you master them you will move, block, counter, and attack seamlessly. You will learn all of the variants of the light-saber, including the light-pike, as you will make them all just the same."
"Isn't that a-"
"With the classical blade, you will learn two step attacks, minimizing your movement, and utilizing rapid, quick wrist movements and footwork. There will also be actual battles synthesized during training like on Naboo, this is so you can obtain victory with one blow, without losing your composure."
Padme blinked, a little surprised. "What about the Seven Forms I've been learning?"
"They serve as a foundation and guideline, but you must develop your own style, and your own approach to combat. To rely on sequences and katas of one or many forms will only take you so far in the long run, you must add your spirit to it."
"Do you have something else you want to tell me before I learn all of this?" Padme asked, blinking once.
The hologram regarded her.
"Most undergoing Jedi training get many lessons and lectures about aggression, anger, angst, anxiety, and other such things. I do not believe you are one prone to hurting others out of anger or spite, and unless you are pushed you don't lash out with your emotions. However, you could abscond from what you may do in the future."
"Abscond? How?"
"The first young one I ever trained...She didn't construct her own light-saber nor did she use a training light-saber. Her power in the force is beyond immense, but she never touched a blade. It could have been a personal choice, or because of what I am about to tell you."
Padme smiled humorlessly, the gatekeeper was fond of long lectures and long lessons.
"Swordsmanship is a method of murder. You can decorate it with ideals and fancy words, but that is what swordsmanship is. Kill some people in order to protect others, murder some to save all, kill the few to protect the many, kill the many to protect the few. As you know my creator has been in many wars, he has murdered hundreds of millions in those wars, but they were all still living beings. They were trying to live their lives the only way they knew how, and responded to the times the only way they could."
Padme blinked, feeling like she was gripped with the force right on the chest and swallowed a stone at the same time.
She opened her mouth to respond, to say anything, but the hologram spoke before she could muster the nerve.
"You will always have to lend your skills to one side or the other. One side isn't good or evil, beings and people fight for what they see as good. Good people fight for both sides of a conflict, just like bad people fight for both sides of a conflict. What will you do after you lend your power in the disturbance? If you want to affect change in times of crisis, or otherwise, you will always have to join one side or the other. You will be used by those who hold power. You will live the life of murder, under the direction of people who write their own justice. If you throw in your lot with them, you will be a mass murderer. I do not teach you the nuances of the force and swordsmanship for you to tarnish either of them by acting in violence or to run off in brash impulsiveness."
People suffer. People are suffering. People will suffer in the future. How can we sit here and train? How can we not lend our hand in the struggle? How can we not fight for what is good?
Padme wanted to demand this. She wanted to rip the answers out, but it was her ego getting the better of her and she knew it.
She knew why she couldn't lend a hand ultimately, and why it would lead to doom. She would be used by Palpatine, Bail, or the Jedi even. Her light-whip would always take a life, no matter what her intentions were, no matter what she was thinking, and no matter how much she didn't wish to take a life...
That life would be taken.
More importantly, her actions had caused someone...Many beings to die. Even if it wasn't her intention, someone perished because of her actions and words.
Because she was a part of the Republic.
It was with a cold, stoic acceptance she had to encompass the long lesson with. It was for her own good. All around, it was for her own good. How many Jedi in the past heard the calls of plight and rushed out, only to fall to the dark, only for a schism to happen, only for a mutual goal to never be cemented?
They couldn't accept they were all murderers. Whether they were murdering each other, or their enemies, neither side would or could accept it.
The Sith flourished in it, but they didn't accept it.
The Jedi shunned it, and they didn't accept it.
The Republic would always try to justify it, push it, and then fix it, but in the end it was all the same.
Murder.
Padme took a deep breath, calming her spiking heart. "Why..."
"Because when one becomes so strong in the force and light-saber combat, you almost become a definitive certainty of victory. Nothing is definitive or certain in our lifetime. The only things that are the same in our lives are the suns, moons, and stars...Everything else is changing, and will always change. Eras begin and end. Kingdoms rise and fall."
And, it was with that statement the doubt that had been worming around in her heart vanished, consumed by the fire of her resolve. She would construct her light-whip to perfection. She would not sway down an extreme path like the Jedi and Sith.
She would not doubt her intentions.
It was her tremendous will, her smoldering spirit, and her burning soul. It was the balance. The Bendu. In that balance, she was there, all life was there, and from all life it moved and flowed like a constant stream. By her choices and willpower alone, would she act, and for each act, she would accept the consequences of those actions with a cold and stoic austere.
Because, to not do that would be to not take responsibility for the lives she takes, the lives she has taken, the lives she ruins, the lives she has ruined, and ultimately to abscond herself for all the mayhem her own actions caused.
