Cards Against the Crystal Gems
Amethyst read the new question. "Gems like _."
White cards were handed in.
"Gems like making out and stuff."
"I do like 'stuff.'" Garnet said mysteriously.
"Gems like a PowerPoint presentation. No! That's boring."
"It's a simple and effective method of communicating information." Pearl argued.
"Says the gem with PowerPoint built in. Gems like certain things, but not others."
"Doesn't that apply to everybody?" Peridot questioned.
"Gems like how awesome I am. Well, I won't argue with that. Gems like Amethyst. Two very flattering and true answers. But which one…" Amethyst stuck her tongue out as she considered her options. "I'll go with how awesome I am because that one said I'm awesome."
"I played it cause it's true." Bismuth said.
Garnet grabbed the next card. "I've got rhythm, I've got music, I've got _. Who could ask for anything more?"
They each picked an answer.
"I've got a balanced breakfast. I've got power."
"Okay, but don't go crazy with it." Amethyst said playfully.
"I've got me. Good answer. I've got pictures of boobs."
"I always knew you had secret stash." Amethyst snickered.
"I've got the tiger that killed my father."
"You could ask for your father not to be dead." Lapis muttered.
"Me wins of course."
Pearl took that card and drew the next. "_ be all like _. I don't think I understand this one."
They each put down two cards.
"Wearing an octopus for a hat be all like doin' it in the butt."
"I think you're wearing that octopus hat wrong." Garnet stated.
"Setting boundaries with co-workers be all like the safe word. Alexandrite be all like being worshipped as the one true God. We tried to tell those humans we weren't gods, but would they listen? No!" Pearl grumbled.
"I still think it was funny." Amethyst laughed.
"Some douche with an acoustic guitar be all like not listening to Pearl." Pearl huffed with annoyance while Garnet and Amethyst shared grins. "Pearl be all like a lil' stupid ass bitch."
"Someone clearly isn't interested in winning this card." Bismuth remarked.
Pearl sighed. "Alexandrite I suppose."
Bismuth took that card and drew another. "_is just a cheap tactic to make weak gems stronger!"
The gems each chose an answer.
"Completely unwarranted confidence is just a cheap tactic to make weak gems stronger!"
"It's also very ineffective." Pearl pointed out.
"Shutting the fuck up is just a cheap tactic to make weak gems stronger!"
"A tactic that I wish she would use." Amethyst muttered.
"Stevonnie is just a cheap tactic to make weak gems stronger!"
Garnet just sighed.
"Existing is just a cheap tactic to make weak gems stronger!"
"But everything exists!" Peridot exclaimed.
"Yeah. It's hard to believe so many people would stoop to that level." Amethyst said with a straight face.
"Making a friend is just a cheap tactic to make weak gems stronger!"
"And that's why Jasper has no friends." Lapis said.
"Completely unwarranted confidence. I just loved knocking the smirks off the faces of gems who thought we were pushovers just because we weren't designed for combat."
"Same here." Pearl grinned as she took the card.
Peridot read the next one. "What's up Tubetube? User DanTheMan wanted to see _, so here we go."
Amethyst gasped. "Peridot, you would make an amazing Tubetuber!"
"User DanTheMan wanted to see a terrified fat child who won't come out of the bushes."
"That's an oddly specific thing to want to see." Bismuth stated.
"User DanTheMan wanted to see how many bagels I can fit on my penis. …The answer is zero. User DanTheMan wanted to see Pearl being salty."
Amethyst laughed. "That is very entertaining."
"User DanTheMan wanted to see a little sewer girl strangling a pigeon."
"I think DanTheMan might be a little unhinged." Garnet mused.
"User DanTheMan wanted to see statistically validated stereotypes. Hmmm, Pearl being salty."
Lapis got that card and picked another. "Live from Universal Studios, it's America's favorite game show! '_ or _?'"
They each chose two cards.
"Yo stanky ass or my balls on your face?"
"What kind of game show is that?" Bismuth asked.
"Breaking out into song and dance or moderate-to-severe joint pain?"
"So it's either dance or be hurt?" Pearl exclaimed. "Sounds like Homeworld."
"Selling crack to children or turning an awesome song into a burger jingle?"
"The two most effective ways to make money." Amethyst said.
"Sunshine and rainbows or a duffel bag full of lizards? Shit or some really fucked-up shit? I'd watch that."
Lapis gave the card to Garnet.
Current Score
Amethyst: 31
Garnet: 36
Pearl: 35
Bismuth: 32
Peridot: 26
Lapis: 26
