Chapter 64
Friday, August 31, 2012
They were playing hide and seek, and Jack knew it. Or maybe he was the one playing, and she was just avoiding him altogether. Thing was that he knew she had been down there for the past seventeen days, but he hadn't dared to go find her.
There was no real reason for him to go down there either.
Sure, he hadn't ever needed a reason when it was Landry. However, now things had changed. It wasn't Landry. It was his wife. The people above them knew she was his wife. When he himself wasn't sure she still was… Well, her.
If he was honest, at least with himself, the whole damn thing was fucking confusing. He was married to her then she died. So he was her widower, then she had come back to life, and he was her husband again. And she was acting so weirdly around everyone…
He sighed. Who was he kidding? He acted weirdly around her, too.
The thing was like this, that first Tuesday, he had just parked his truck. Then a white SUV parked near his parking spot. He knew all the vehicles that usually parked inside. So it was easy to determine it was hers. Instead of getting out of his truck, he hid inside it. Peaking his head out slightly to watch her.
She still took his breath away.
She was every bit as gorgeous as he remembered her. As the last video of her, he had seen. She seemed leaner, if possible. Tougher too, but he only saw her profile for a brief second before he dived for the seat. To keep her from seeing him.
Not surprisingly, it was Daniel who had found him hours later, "I'm telling you, Jack. She called me Doctor Jackson! For crying out loud! After all the things we went through together, she's back to my honorific. Fuck this shit."
Jack truly didn't know what to say to him. He also didn't mention he'd hidden in his truck for twenty minutes. That was the longest that it had taken him to get to that office at some point. "It's her first day after eleven years. Give her a break, Daniel." He had said. "Besides, she can't actually show favoritism now that she's in command."
Daniel plopped himself in a chair and sighed. "You think that's all it is?" he asked hopefully. 'I hope that's all' Jack thought but nodded as an answer. However, when it was close to SG1 departure, Jack had chickened out and called Daniel to say his good luck and farewell. Instead of popping down there to watch them leave as he always did before.
So, during her first three days, there was no Daniel, Janet or Teal'c to report back about her. He wanted some intel before facing her head-on and inserting his foot in his mouth so deeply, that coming back from it would be even more awkward.
Jack had avoided going down there for the next days. Then, when SG-1 was back, he kept hiding. Whenever he needed something from them, he called Daniel so he would bring it up. Effectively cutting out his chance of bumping into her on his way to Daniel's lab.
Janet had sent a nurse to take his blood for his monthly blood work. She'd also warned him she would not do that forever. "Excuse my bluntness, General. We're all grownups. So, you'll have to face her at some point, just like we did." She had said. "I can't spare personnel just because you don't want to risk a trip in an elevator, sir."
Janet was right, though. It was a waste of resources and he hated wasting those. Teal'c had given him his silent support. Waiting until she was gone to come up to his floor and fetch him for their daily spar.
They hadn't sided with him. He knew that by the things they said. It was more like they were having issues with the situation as well. It made sense. According to what little he'd learned, even Walter was having plenty of issues with moving around her. Everyone who knew her from the earlier years of the program and had faced her during the past seventeen days. Was struck by how different she was from the woman they had known.
Cold, detached, mysterious, were the main concepts surrounding her. The rumor mill said that they might need to gain her trust. She didn't seem to trust easily anymore.
The rumor mill also said she had some sort of feud with Daniel and Janet, maybe from back in the day. Which made no sense at all.
It was almost a week later when he'd seen her. Having read a report from the R&D, he felt the urge from some clarifications. So he went down. He had gotten his issue solved. Then he was walking back to the elevators when he had spotted her inside one.
Her eyes had widened in recognition, and her lips had parted slightly. His heart was beating so loud in his ears, that he had to stop moving or risk tripping like a fool. The doors of the elevator closed. He rushed to it. Seeing her like that, so close, made him want to speak with her.
However, it was too late. The elevator was already two floors down and not coming back up anytime soon. The second one opened then. Bravely, he stepped inside it and pushed twenty-seven. Only to convince himself he was crazy.
"Fuck, Jack! Have you lost your mind? You have been running away from this Command for days! Now you want to go talk to her about your personal lives? About your not-existent married life?"
Then, earlier today, he was finally needed down there. There was some stupid issue with the people they were trying to save from their planet's impending doom. Since they were at Kappa, it fell under the things he needed to watch over.
He wanted to say he trusted in Reynolds and her decisions about what to do about it. The truth was, he needed to take part in negotiations like this. It was part of his job description, especially since it meant there was some sort of benefit for the Earth. Benefits that he would have to pass along to the other Generals around the globe, aware of the Stargate's existence. It sucked. It didn't help that for this kind of meeting, he would have to change from his comfy BDUs to his blues… That only made it suck double.
Jack had frowned all the way down. All the noise coming from the established wormhole and their other stupid alerts only added to his sour mood. He checked the control room first. Below them, Reynolds shouted a 'close the iris' and Walter made that happen before he turned to Jack.
"Sir." Jack shook his head. Wondering how on Earth, Walter seemed to be there every single time. As if there weren't another six shifts of techs that covered gate operations.
"How's that bet coming along?" Jack asked. Walter shook his head.
"It's going, sir. Wanna join?" Jack snorted.
"Why do you keep doing those, Walter? If I recall correctly, there have been a few that haven't been collected on."
"Only two, sir." Jack frowned.
"Two?"
"Yes, sir."
"Which ones?"
"Well… There was the one about when Doctor's Jackson and Frasier would face their feelings for each other. Which to tell you the truth, I didn't see the outcome of that one coming."
"Neither did I… "
"Teal'c and Doctor Frasier… Totally blew my mind! But the one about Doctor Jackson and Miss Mal Doran was quickly done and paid."
"And the other one?" Jack frowned.
Something told him he shouldn't ask. Not only because he was a General, and he was supposed to do something about this instead of just letting it happen. However, he had also been around so many bases through his years that he knew it happened everywhere. Whether they like it or not.
"Sir…" Walter said. "I'm not sure…" he trailed, lowering his eyes to the floor. It only made Jack's curiosity peak.
"Which one was it? I could make it an order, Walter…."
"The one about you and the then Major Carter… Sir." He added with a sigh. "That's the other one that has never been collected on."
"I see."
"I'm sorry, sir." Jack placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Me too." Then quickly, as he had looked up again, he clapped once and squared his shoulders.
"Well, work awaits." He said and turned around, walking up the stairs.
He had only taken that detour, so he wouldn't find himself alone with her in the briefing room. As he was reaching halfway upstairs, he heard Reynolds. "It's so good to see you. For a while, we thought you were… You know…"
"Dead." Her voice reached him.
Cold, hollow, withdrawn, and dispassionate, words that he had never attached to her before. Yes, he couldn't for the life of him, remember her voice. Not without watching one of those videos Daniel liked to film during missions. Or to the one she herself had provided. But it was shockingly surprising for him to recognize that voice as hers and just know it was different from before.
"Yeah, well. To be honest, finding someone's alive… It's not that much surprising around here anymore. I guess it comes with the line of work, right?" Reynolds said, chuckling. When Jack reached the top, he expected to see her smiling brightly and threw out a joke. One that was as bad as any he would drop, 'coz in all honesty, her jokes were as bad as his. However, he only saw an awkward half curl of one side of her lips as she squared her shoulders.
It hurt.
He wasn't sure why it had hurt him, to watch her like that, but it did. He had grasped the handrail so tightly that his knuckles became white. He supposed she felt observed because a blink later her eyes were locked onto his.
That hurt even worse.
He couldn't read them like he used to. He thought he saw a flicker of her old self in her blues. He saw love, followed quickly by guilt, and that bout of self-deprecation she used to hide so well from everyone else but him. Yet, it was so quick and overwhelming, that he had to look the side. So did she. The next time he looked up, her eyes were shielded again.
Jack knew what had happened to him, to be able to sport those eyes back in the day. He knew what had happened to him, to carry that wall, along with him after she'd disappeared. He knew bits and parts of what had happened to her… But had she changed so much? Was she in so much pain that it was easier to hide than to open to him?
"General!" Reynolds chided in.
"Reynolds…" Jack acknowledged. Then he turned his attention towards her. What to call her? General? Sam? "Carter." He decided. She was always Carter before, why to spoil things now.
"Sir," she said, coming to attention. Shocking him and Reynolds both.
"At ease, General. Please, let's start this." He said. Taking a seat to avoid taking the head of the table. Jack felt awfully proud when she took it. Then, he fought the need of rubbing his temple to massage away the headache he knew was coming.
That headache had felt a lot like a suppressed broken heart.
The meeting had taken them around four hours. At some point, she kept stealing a glance at either her watch or the clock on the wall.
"Got somewhere else to be, General?" He'd snapped, making her clench her jaw tightly. 'So much for avoiding sticking your foot in your mouth.'
"No, sir. Just expecting a call."
"Something more important than the faith of Takrim's people, I hope." She had squared her shoulders then as if shielding herself from his words.
'Fuck!' he thought, 'if you keep doing this shit, Jack, by the end of this meeting you'll have her pushed so far away, that she won't drop her guard around you in forever.' But he couldn't avoid it. Her actions, actions he couldn't remember her doing before, were nerve-racking for him.
Her phone had gone off then. She excused herself, not even blushing at it. "Carter," she said as she walked into her office. "Yes, excellent." She had said in a tone that made his heart flutter. That was his Sam. There was some hope that she might be hiding somewhere inside the carcass that made up the General. Jack had followed her movements. He saw her relax slightly. He even saw a smile.
She returned, not even ten minutes later. Walls high in place.
"All solved now, sir." She said, back in the cold tone she had been using during the whole meeting. He bit his tongue, not to let out something that would sound too bitter. He just nodded, and they proceeded. The alien Chieftain kept looking at the two of them as if they had grown another head after their last exchange. Making Jack aware that whatever tension existed between them was noticeable to him.
"Sir, ma'am. It's kinda late. If you don't mind, I would like to call it a day?" Reynolds asked, feigning a yawn. Takrim had nodded then.
"Carter. Your base. Your decision."
"I have no issues with finishing this for today. If you agree, sir. There are a couple of Airmen waiting to keep Takrim accompanied. They'll show him to his VIP quarters and join him for dinner. Colonel, they're waiting for you at the infirmary for the final check-ups. So you can get off the base and visit your family since you're Earthbound until we finish this up. I would like to wrap it up, sir. I believe there's not much more to this conversation that grants the need to delay it for longer. Truth is that the proposal we've presented them, it's their only way out. What they have offered seems to be all they have. Am I correct to assume there's no more knowledge hidden somewhere in your few possessions, Takrim?"
"That's all we have. I've offered my daughter in marriage, but Colonel Reynolds explained to me that he is already taken. A union with you, General Carter, won't produce an offspring. I don't want to offend you, General O'Neill, but you aren't looking like a better suitor for her either."
"Are you saying I'm old?" Jack frowned. Reynolds chuckled. Not a hair of Sam's head moved at it.
"I'm merely stating you are of greater age than my daughter. She's seen only fifteen double moons."
"Double moons?" Jack frowned in confusion.
"Their planet has a second moon. Its orbit is large enough that it's only seen around once a year, sir." Sam explained. Jack shivered. There was no passion… No life at all in her words. "Compensating to Earth years, she's thirteen and a half." She finished. God! Her replicator version was more capable of pushing feelings into explanations. Jack thought.
"All right, so… Why don't we have legal drafting the thing? We can reconvene here, let's say tomorrow morning." Jack concluded.
"It has to be afternoon, sir." He raised an eyebrow at that.
"Excuse me?"
"Movers, sir. I'm finally getting my old stuff back from whatever warehouse they were hidden in." She stated. He felt like an idiot.
"Sure. It'll give some more time to the legal team to make their magic."
That was two hours ago. She left not long after that. He knew because Teal'c had come searching for him an hour ago. They had tried to spar. He was so unfocused that Teal'c retired for the night and recommended him to do the same.
Yet, here he was, an hour later, still on the base.
His mind kept going back to the way she had looked while on the phone. The voice she'd used when she answered her phone, the smile he thought he spotted. Those three feelings that had flickered through her eyes, so fast that he thought he had imagined them.
"Fuck this," he said. They needed to talk. They needed to move on somehow, and he was willing to take the first step.
