A/N: Small reminder that you can still vote on the Solangelo awards 2021 on solange-lol!
Finally a chapter about Maria. This took forever and I probably have to formally apologize.
I peered over at the counter, where some strange guy was standing. 'I miss Mary.'
I looked at Dionysus, who slowly nodded. 'Me too. Now I have to do my actual job.' A mug with the word 'Milkywayy' on it appeared in front of me. 'You requested this session. Do you want to talk about Persephone?'
'No, she was very clear about what she expected and wanted. There is not a lot to be said aside from the fact that I really appreciate that. What is Milkywayy?' Out of habit, I looked over at the counter, only to once again be hit with the reality that Mary was on maternity leave.
'I have no idea, but it sounded very special.'
Sure. I took a sip. It tasted very special as well.
I took a deep breath. 'I requested this session because I want to talk about my mother. Maria di Angelo.'
His expression became more serious. 'Alright. Do you have a starting point, or should I ask questions?'
'I think I have a starting point.'
'Okay. Begin when you want to.'
I waited a second before I started. 'While I was talking to Persephone, I remembered that I don't really have memories of my mother. I've got a few fleeting visions of her, from when I was little. A trip to the beach, one from when we were hiding somewhere in Italy, one where she comforted me after a nightmare, things like that. But all of those things don't really tell me who she was. Those memories, that... eh, define her, are missing.'
'What do you mean with 'who she was?''
'What her perfume smelled like. How she walked. What made her happy and what made her angry. Basically, I don't remember the things that made my mom my mom. My mom… a person.' I shrugged. 'It might be a weird thing to worry about…'
'No… not at all. I know other people who don't remember a parent who feel a similair way.' Wait. Right. Semele. 'Hm. Do you still feel grief about the loss of your mother?'
Ah, hitting me with the difficult questions. I took a sip of Milkywayy while I thought about it.
It took a few minutes to make up my mind. 'I think I do grief about my mother. But more because of all the memories I am missing than because of the memories I have.' I shrugged. 'Most people grief based on the memories of a loved one. But… I don't really have that. I miss...' a lump raised in my throat. I swallowed.. '...I miss the memories I could have had. I miss… knowing what it is like to have someone...' I began to cry. I didn't finish the sentence. 'So... I more grief the absense of memories,' I sobbed.
Dionysus did not answer. When I looked over, I saw that his eyes were damp as well.
'Eh… sorry if I made you think...' I shrugged.
Dionysus rubbed the tears away. 'That is not important right now.'
I shrugged and took a deep breath. 'It… I guess it is kind of comforting that I now know why I don't have any memories.' It hurt to think about it. Dionysus looked up.
'You don't have to say it if it is too much right now.'
I stared at my mug. 'But can I do it?' Because it looks like it might be too much for you at the moment, instead of for me.
He closed his eyes for a second, which seemed to stabilise him. 'Yes.'
I nodded. 'Apparently… Alecto dipped me into the Lethe,' I muttered. 'And I think that is something Hades asked her to do. Maybe it was the only way he could think of to protect us from trauma.' I shrugged, while another tear ran down my cheek. 'I don't know if it is for better or for worse. I… I think I might have to talk to him about it.' The thought of which made me sob again.
Dionysus slowly nodded. 'Nico, if you think it is safe to talk about that to your father, then you should do it. That will probably bring you further than talking to me will. Although I am very glad you said it.'
For a few seconds, we were silent, while I tried to re-organize my mind. I took a sip of Milkywayy. It made me feel a little calmer.
'Is it okay if I ask a difficult question?'
Kind of? 'Uh… It's okay.'
'Have you ever tried to bring your mother back from the Underworld?'
Like someone else I know did, you mean? I could shake my head without lying. 'No. I wanted to do that with Bianca, but not with mom. That… that is probably because…' I shrugged.
'There doesn't need to be a reason. Not right now. And Nico, I don't think it is bad that you do not want to get her back. That probably means that you are already slightly further with processing your grief.'
I shrugged. 'Maybe. I do know Bianca's death, and Jasons' death, hurt more.' I looked at the table. 'But… that feels wrong.'
'Do you think your mothers' death should make you feel worse?'
'Yes? Maybe. I don't know. Because… I mean, I don't…' I shrugged. 'It's difficult.'
'Yes, Nico, it is difficult. But you don't have to feel more grief than you feel. You miss her, that is clear. And that is enough. You don't have to feel more than you do.'
I stayed quiet. Yes, it is easy when you just say it.
'It is easy when I just say it, isn't it?'
I nodded. 'I think you would know.' Oh. 'I didn't mean to say that.'
He gave me a slightly angry look. 'I'll ignore it this time.' He shook his hair over his shoulder. 'Do you think it has been enough for this time? Maybe you need some time to think about everything?'
'Yes, maybe it is.' I wiped the remains of the tears out of my eyes, before I got up.
I drank up my Milkywayy, expecting Dionysus to teleport us back to camp immediately after, but that did not happen. Instead, he made us walk out of the Denny's, into the New York city night.
I pulled my aviator jacket tighter around my shoulders. 'Why…'
'Zeus was unhappy that I kept coming to New York. Yet, if we walk like ten minutes, we'll be in a zone where he never comes. He won't noticed us teleporting.' Sounds fair.
Somehow, the night calmed me down. I heard sounds, and there were lights, and I was not alone.
On our way to the zone, wherever it was, I saw a small cabinet standing in an alley. For a moment, I stopped walking.
'Nico? What are you doing? It is dangerous to stop next to Alleyways.'
'Yeah… yeah.' I looked at the cabinet. There was an almost extinguished candle in it, which made a picture of a man visible, and a small banner reading 'Rest in Peace.'
'Nico!' I lookd up and darted back to where he was standing.
'Yes. Sorry.'
'That's…'
'There was a cabinet in that alleyway. I think it was meant as a memorial to someone's friend. Or boyfriend. Doesn't matter. I… I think it is a nice idea.' I slid my hands into my pockets.
Dionysus looked at the ground. 'Do you want to make something like that yourself? For... Bianca, or your mother?'
'Well… maybe I do.'
'I think it is a good idea.' He shook his hair, which suddenly seemed longer, back over his shoulder. 'Make a remembrance cabinet.'
'Yes. It sounds like a healthy way of processing my grief.'
'It does. Here. We are in the right zone,' he said. I nodded, while we teleported back to camp Half-blood.
A/N: So… In Greek mythology, Semele, Dionysus' mother, died before the dude was even born. Some sources say that later, he retrieved her soul from the the Underworld like a champ (Same goes for Ariadne's soul). But doing that might not be the best way to deal with grief.
I feel like the Persephone chapter is better than this one. But also, This Was Difficult.
There will be a few more things said about Maria? There will be a chapter were Nico is going to get the cabinet. Don't expect too much, though. Or do I don't control you.
Btw I know Milkyway is a candy bar but I thought this was funny. Imagine the god of wine giving you bootleg chocolate milk.
