This one was too much fun to write, mwahahahahaa!

Anyways, this chapter contains drunkenness and hangover vomiting, so if that's something you don't want, then maybe don't read this chapter? IDK, hope you enjoy!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer:

I do not own the Mandalorian TV show, the Star Wars franchise, or any of the characters. That all belongs to their original makers. Everything to them. Any added dialogue, plots, or characters are mine, but nothing else. I don't own it.


Chapter Two - The Numbing

I wake up long before we arrive at Nevarro, but I can't find any motivation to rise. I lay in the silence, listening to the monotonous hum of the Slave I as Boba pilots through the expanse of space. My body is heavy and every breath is a painful reminder that my son no longer sleeps beside me. His cooing and gurgles will never again cut through the rattle of the Razor Crest, and the Razor Crest will never fly again.

My ship, my home, my family, my son…

Everything's gone.

Time goes on. The seconds into minutes, minutes into hours. I clench Grogu's metal ball so tightly and for so long that my hands cramp. I spend too many hours imagining different scenarios in my head.

What if it had gone differently?

What else could I have done?

What was the Jedi's name?

What if Grogu didn't want to go?

Will he be okay with his new guardian?

I should have spent more time with him.

We barely had time together before he was ripped away from me.

Grogu left me.

And took my heart with him.

I can't…

Who am I?

Grogu became my whole life.

Without him, I'm…

Nothing.

Tears burn in my red, puffy eyes. Despite myself, hopeless anger claws at my chest. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of feeling.

How can I numb everything? How can I lose myself?

With that thought at the front of my mind, I cover myself with the blankets, curl into the fetal position, and sob. I don't know when, but at some point, I cry myself to sleep. At some point, the universe takes pity on me and drags me into darkness.

And in that darkness, I dream.


Cara wakes me about ten minutes out from Nevarro.

I drag myself from the bed and follow her to the main hull, strapping on pieces of Beskar as I go.

My best friend glances at me and her eyes darken. She ducks her head, pursing her lips.

"Cara, stop."

Cara pauses. "What?"

"Please don't look at me like that."

"I'm worried about you."

My throat closes and tears threaten. Dank ferrik, not again… "I know, but worry when I'm not here. It's hard enough as it is without you looking at me like I'm wounded."

She says nothing.

Boba pipes up on the comm. "Strap yourselves in. We're landing."

Cara and I sit next to each other, watching the hull turn from the inside.

My heart thumps hard in my chest. "Cara." My voice trembles.

She turns to me.

"What am I gonna say to Greef?"

Cara takes my hand and squeezes. "I'll take care of the talking. You just take care of yourself."

I rest my head back and my entire body shivers, whether from nerves or hunger, I can't tell.

Greef hasn't seen me without my helmet. What will he say? What will I say? Where should I go? What do I do?

The hatch creaks open and we meet Boba and Fennec outside. In the distance, Greef's cloaked form walks under Nevarro's gateway.

Boba faces me. "I'm sorry about how things turned out, Mando."

I can only nod.

"Fennec and I are off to Tatooine. You're always welcome in our company, should you want it."

"Thank you." I shake hands with him and his companion, and my eyes follow them as they make their way back into the Slave I.

When I turn around, Greef's approaching us.

He does a double take when he sees my face and glances at Cara with a question in his gaze. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but closes it again. The magistrate steps toward us, eyes still narrowed.

I work my jaw, staring at the ground. The heat of Greef's eyes burn a hole into my skull.

Cara squeezes my shoulder. "You can camp out in my house for now; I've got a spare room and another bed."

"Thank you." I mumble the words through the lump in my throat and stalk past Greef. As I retreat toward the city, I hear a brief exchange from behind me:

"Should I ask?"

"We found the kid. But Mando had to give him up immediately after. He's not taking it well."

"His ship?"

I block out the rest of the conversation, and enter the city. The bustle fades into the background, the commotion, the crowd, the merchants, the market stalls, the squealing of alien species, everything shrivels into white noise. I move as if in a daze, my feet leading me nowhere. Shadows pass over me, the crowd swallows me up, and I stumble into a room. Music blares in my ears and I find myself in a busy cantina.

When did I get here?

I blink twice.

Credits cut into my palm and a chair squeaks under me. When did I get these out? When did I sit down?

A butler droid zips up to me. "Hello, sir. What can I get for you?"

I stare at him for a few seconds and the thought from earlier resurfaces.

How can I lose myself?

I push the credits toward him. My drink or sustenance of choice is usually broth or flavored water, but I want something stronger. Something strong enough to drown the pain. "Novanian Grog. Three flagons."

If the droid had eyebrows, they would've shot sky-high. "You hosting a party or something? That's a lot of powerful alcoh– ."

"Now." I glare at him. "No questions."

The droid leaves to work on my order.

Part of my mind is screaming at me:

What the hell are you doing? This is not healthy. That much Novanian Grog could kill you.

But another part of me rises up to dominate:

Anything to forget. Whatever it takes. Anything to forget.

The droid slides the flagons and a glass in front of me.

I fill the glass to the brim and lift it to my mouth.

Anything to forget.

The first mouthful goes down. I welcome the bitterness and take another swig. My tongue tingles.

Numb.

I stare straight ahead into nothing. The sound of a bar fight behind me is background noise.

I drain my glass and pour another.

Numb.

Halfway through the second glass, my head starts to spin. My body trembles. The scene of Grogu's goodbye gets blurry.

Anything to forget.

Another gone, another poured.

I gulp this one down in record time and I'm shivering uncontrollably. By now, I can definitely feel the effects of the alcohol. But I welcome it.

Another.

Gone.

Another.

Poured.

I lose track at five drinks. Six. Seven?

One flagon gone.

At some point, my vision blurs over and I have to grip the table to keep from falling over. Another gone, another poured. My mind fogs and I'm so dizzy I can't see straight.

Numb.

I can't feel the pain of my headache anymore. The world sways, dipping and swerving around me. I drain another glass. Two more. Three more.

Numb.

My vision keeps blacking out in longer increments as I keep going. My mind slows, my heartbeat rushes in my ears, and I start to lose my grip on reality.

Why am I here again? What am I doing? Where am I?

Another gone.

Another poured.

It's automatic now. It's robotic.

I don't remember why I started.

I don't know why it feels so good.

But I sure as hell won't stop.

Another gone.

Another poured.

Numb.

Just…

Numb.

Eventually, I feel someone pulling me away from the table. A woman; dark hair, muscled build, tattoo under her left eye… Her mouth moves in slow motion and her eyes scan my face.

Is she talking? I can't hear anything.

She half-drags me through a city– where the hell am I?– and into a living room.

When did we enter a house? Do I know this person? What...?

My thoughts trail off and my body simply gives up. Going limp, I pitch forward and pass out cold on the couch.


By the time I lug Mando back to my house, I'm sweating buckets and panting. Nauseous with worry, I drape a blanket over my best friend and change into some comfort clothes. A knocking at the door brings me down the stairs. I answer it and come face to face with Greef.

"I just wanted to check on you and Mando."

I glance back at him, who's unconscious on the couch. Sighing, I turn back to Greef. "I thought he'd come here, but I found him in the cantina on his third flagon of Novanian Grog."

Greef's eyebrows skyrocket. "Damn, it's bad."

I chew on the inside of my lip. "Yeah. He was drunk off his ass when I found him. I'm surprised he could walk at all."

"Anything I can do?"

I lean against the doorway. "Just…help keep me sane. I don't know what I'm gonna do with Mando, I…" My eyes water. "He's already not reacting well and…I don't want to see my best friend waste away because of it."

Greef claps me on the shoulder. "You're a strong woman, Dune. Hang in there. I'll come check on you both in the morning. For now, have a good night."

I watch him depart, the moonlight heavy on his cloak.


I wake up on a random couch with no idea where I am. My head throbs so fiercely that my vision spots with black. I run my tongue over my lips, but my mouth is as dry as Tatooine in a drought. Water… I need water…

I tilt my head to the side and scan the room. Cara… This is Cara's house. When did I get here? I shut my eyes against the pounding of my head. What happened? I don't remember anything…

The world is spinning as I raise myself up on my elbows. I dart my eyes around the room, feeling my heart rate escalate.

What the hell happened? Why can't I remember? I remember leaving Cara and Greef, but after that…

I grip the edge of the table and stand up.

Bad idea.

Instantly, the nausea hits me with enough power to bring down a Bantha. I barely make to the bathroom in time before the vomiting starts. I hunch over the toilet, on my knees, gripping the edge of the sink so hard that my knuckles turn white. My head feels like it's cracking open, splitting down the middle as my stomach heaves. I double over, throwing up everything in my body until the dry-heaving takes over.

At least thirty minutes later, I'm leaning over the toilet, gasping, as my body decides to pause.

The light flicks on and I flinch with a cry, mashing my eyes shut. In the milky darkness, I can feel a presence. I crack open my burning eyes to find Cara standing in the doorway, her arms folded over her chest.

I stare at her for a few seconds, squinting.

She sighs and quirks an eyebrow. "Well, good morning."

Still out of breath, I slump against the wall behind me. "What time is it…?"

"One."

I work my jaw. "What happened?"

Her voice hardens. "I told you to come here, but you went and got yourself drunk instead." She grits her teeth. "Mando, this isn't healthy. Grieving is part of life, but not like this."

I don't answer.

"Can I get you anything?"

My eyes fluttering shut, I groan as my head spins. "Um… Some water? Please?"

Cara nods and retreats to the kitchen. When she returns with a full glass, she kneels down in front of me. "I'm going back to bed, but wake me if you need anything."

I swallow a mouthful. "Sorry."

She stops in the doorway. "You should be apologizing to yourself, not me." She takes another step, then pauses. "I do accept it, though. Your apology."

Her footsteps recede and leave me in silence once again. My muscles like lead, I drain the glass and stagger back to the couch, stripping down to my sweaty underclothes. Curled in the blankets, I fall into a drunken sleep.

Two hours later, I don't even make it to the bathroom before I'm retching up the water from earlier. It burns coming up and I double over the trashcan, coughing up what feels like raw fire. I'm so dizzy that I have to seize the edge of the counter to keep from keeling over. Every heave is like someone twisting my insides and tears prickle in my eyes.

When I finish, I notice Cara on the other side of the kitchen, filling up another water glass and preparing a plate of crackers. I hold up a hand to stop her as she approaches me. "N-no. I can't keep anything down…"

"You need to eat. How long has it been since you ate anything?"

I take a moment to think about it. "Two…maybe three days– ." I break off with a gag, and a stream of bile trickles from my mouth.

"Damn it, Mando!" Cara runs a hand through her hair. "You need to be taking care of yourself. I-I can't stand to see you like this."

I clear my throat and move away from the trashcan. "I'm going back to bed."

"Wait." Cara appears in front of me, grabbing my shoulders. Her eyes glisten in the faint light. "Please, Din. Let me help you. Grogu wouldn't want to see you like this."

Tears flood my eyes and my heart pangs like tearing open a wound. "I-I don't know what t-to do…"

She wipes my tears away. "You need to get out of your head. You need a place to come to terms with this. Do you know anyone that you could spend a few weeks with? Anyone that'll be a distraction?"

I rub my face with a dirty hand. "Um… Tatooine?"

"Boba and Fennec?"

"No, I… Someone else." I start to move away, but Cara traps me in a hug.

Her trembling voice whispers up from my shoulder. "Din, please. Please fight. If not me, then for Grogu."


Author's Notes: OOF DIN'S HAVING IT ROUGH :P

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