A/N: i hope you all have had lovely holidays :)
When the sun was high and shining brightly through the windows, Padmé woke up a little disoriented.
Her body was stiff, and she didn't really recall when she had fallen asleep. She hadn't anticipated it, not even after Ameera and Leia had dozed off themselves as the night evolved. She had expected she would stay up all night, contenting herself with her silent worry for both girls for whom she endlessly cared — so having drifted off in an uncomfortable position on the couch she was lying in came to her as a surprise.
Suppressing a yawl, Padmé stretched her back and moved into a sitting position, finding the girls still asleep with her eyes. Ameera laid bare on her back on the floor, nothing but her own arm under her head to give her some sense of comfort, meanwhile, next to her, Leia slept over a pile of pillows that had somehow become her bed. Padmé good-heartedly rolled her eyes at them; to be young and stupid and choose to fall asleep on the cold floor when there were perfectly alright couches behind them.
Stepping on her tiptoes so she wouldn't wake them, Padmé excused herself from the living room, following towards the kitchen, where the mess of grocery bags still remained. Hearing her stomach groan, she decided to adventure herself through Ameera's unhealthy eating habits once again, hoping she had missed something eatable the previous night. When she realized that wasn't the case, she sighed, deciding the best course of action would be to order a takeout, something that the three of them would be able to enjoy.
Sinking down on a chair, a smile shaped the corner of her lips as she thought of what Luke might have been up to. Ever since she had come back into the picture, rare were the days in which they didn't have breakfast together, and him waking up to find her still gone must have killed him inside. She laughed, thinking of all the ways she could make it up to him — although she wouldn't trade the previous night for anything. Even with the terrible truths that had been learned, she was glad that they were out there, and maybe Leia could start to find her way towards healing.
With a deep breath, she contemplated what else she could do to be useful. When the only immediate answer to come to her was to order some food, she did just that, and waited for either the food to arrive or one of the girls to wake up in silence, whichever came first.
Meanwhile, across the apartment, Ameera eventually came back to her senses, although she didn't immediately get up. For a long time, she remained there, not moving, waiting if sleep would take over her again.
Until she realized what had woken her up — next to her, Leia whimpered. Very quietly, almost unnoticeable, but it was still there, and Ameera finally opened her eyes and raised her head just enough to see the lines of consternation written over the princess' sleeping face.
It didn't take her two seconds to kick into action. Far too used to her own nightmares and how bad they could be, Ameera dragged her body across the floor so it would be aligned with Leia's and, without any manners or tenderness, she stumbled her foot against Leia's thigh and pretended to still be asleep when she noticed Leia coming back to consciousness.
Leia's mind was hazy, unsure of what had happened other than the sudden strain on her thigh. She blinked the sleep away from her eyes, surprised with all the brightness coming from outside; she couldn't remember what she was dreaming of, or if she was dreaming at all, but an unexplainable sense of relief came from her chest.
She raised herself, ready to start her day, and finally noticed Ameera's foot at perfect rage with where the soreness on her leg came from. Amused, she rolled her eyes and spoke loud enough to wake Ameera up.
"Did you just kick me in my sleep?!"
In response, Ameera stumbled her foot against Leia again, lighter this time.
"Excuse me, Your Highness," she grunted, voice still hoarse from her sleep, "I wasn't expecting to have the fright of my life when I woke up to a human body being kicked into my foot."
When Ameera motioned to kick her again, Leia slapped her foot before she had the chance. "I'll thank you to stop kicking me now that we're both awake."
"Fine."
"Oh, good, you're both awake," a third voice entered the room, and the young women traced their eyes to find Padmé. She was standing on the corner of the room, hands on her hips, looking down on them. "I hope you're having the worst backaches from being dumb and sleeping on the floor."
Making faces and shrugging, the princess and the Twi'lek exchanged glances.
"Not me."
"Me either."
"Oh, how I miss being young," Padmé commented to herself, but soon snapped out of it. "Come on. Our brunch is about to arrive."
Interested, Leia stood up. Ameera made a face of delight.
"We're getting brunch?!"
"I for certain am not putting myself through all your junk food again," Padmé remarked, her voice distant.
"So long as I'm getting free food, I'm not complaining," Ameera said, finally standing up and following the other two into the kitchen. There, she found Leia with a datapad in her hands. "Why are you smiling like a fool?"
"Hm? Oh, it's Han," Leia commented, indeed incapable of getting rid of her smile. "We really did sleep in, and I don't think Han has ever seen me sleeping in, so he's losing his mind thinking that we either went missing or somebody lost a limp."
"That is a very specific concern," Ameera remarked, taking the seat next to her and across from Padmé.
Leia merely shrugged. "Yeah. He's tried calling me three times and when I didn't answer, he started leaving countless messages asking if he should go look for us in a hospital."
"See, this is why nobody can stand you," Ameera pointed out, finding a bag of chips for herself despite Padmé's attempt of getting it back from her. "You're too perfect. He's too perfect. It makes everybody feel bad that they will never find a love like that. I will never find a love like that, Leia. Do you see what you're doing to my mental health?!"
"Not really," Leia feigned ignorance, far more interested in replying to Han than dealing with Ameera's crisis.
"She doesn't even pay attention to me anymore," Ameera turned to Padmé with a pained expression. "It's all about sorority until a penis comes into the picture."
Padmé rolled her eyes. "Shut up and eat your damn chips."
"I thought you were against my chips."
"Yeah, but so long as they keep your mouth stuffed and I don't have to hear your voice, I'm not complaining."
Weighing her options, Ameera happily settled with the bag of chips on her lap.
Soon enough, Leia placed down her datapad, determined to follow Padmé's advice and stay away from work until she was back at the headquarters. Although she wouldn't easily admit it, having her mind away from work and appreciating instead the most frivolous night she had had in years proved to be more invigorating than she had expected.
"The other day," Leia started, leaning her head on the palm of her hand, "Han came to me with the most vulnerable expression I had ever seen on him. You know, his eyes were all huge and there was pain written all over his face, I genuinely thought something bad had happened," she reminisced with a chuckle; Han had clearly been spending too much time with the Skywalkers so he'd start to pick up on their dramatics. "When I asked him what was wrong, he confessed that he had put up the Millennium Falcon for sale because apparently he wanted to show commitment to our relationship and the only way to do so was so he'd help me buy a place for us to live. But now there was a potential buyer for the Falcon, offering to pay him a significant amount of credits for the ship, and Han was simply losing his mind because he didn't want to lose the Falcon but he didn't want to lose me either."
Padmé smiled fondly at that, glad that Han had finally brought himself to talk to her regarding that matter. Leia didn't need to know that both she and Ameera already knew about it, though.
"It was so — unexpected, that I just started laughing at him. I thought he was joking, trying to be funny or romantic or whatever. But when his expression didn't change, and I realized he was serious, I could only stare at him blankly because I know just how much the Falcon means to him. So to know that he would go to that extent if I only said the word… well, it's more poetic than he's aware. I would never ask such a thing from him, but his willingness to do it either way shows all the commitment he's afraid he's lacking."
"He's a good man," Padmé said, caving in and taking a chip after Ameera blatantly shoved the bag on her face for the third time in a row.
"Does Han happen to have a single brother out there?" Ameera asked, "Actually, does he happen to have a single sister out there? Maybe those charming genes run in the family."
Leia chuckled. "Not to his knowledge."
"That's too bad," Ameera complained, "I could use a spicy Solo in my life."
"There are plenty of suitable women back in the headquarters, 'Meera," Padmé suggested.
"You think I want to date someone traumatized by the war?" Ameera asked horrified, "No, thank you. Dealing with my own trauma is already enough."
"It would be funny if it weren't so true," Leia muffed under her breath, then shivering to herself. Padmé acknowledged her physical response from the corner of her eyes.
"It is funny because it's true," Ameera said, to which Leia chuckled.
"No dark humor allowed," Padmé reprimanded the both of them.
"Come on, Padmé," Ameera rolled her eyes, "There is no better coping mechanism."
"There are plenty, actually," Padmé said very seriously, "Degrading yourself and your traumatic experiences is bad for your mental health. When you diminish your experiences, you're suppressing them, you're failing to recognize just how much they affect you. Although your self depreciative comments might bring you momentarily relief, it risks only doing further damaging down the road," she exchanged long looks with both Ameera and Leia, "Neither of you can change what has happened, and ignoring the emotions that these events bring you won't make it magically go away. Instead, it makes it worse, because it traps you within your refusal to accept what happened and enhances the bad emotions you're so desperately trying to avoid."
Ameera swallowed hard. "It was just a joke."
"I know, Ameera," Padmé addressed her gently. "Which is precisely my point."
"We all have unhealthy coping mechanisms we're attached to," Leia commented, avoiding eye contact. "They're hard to recognize and even harder to let go."
Padmé bowed her head, conceding. "After I learned the truth about Vader's identity, and who he had once been to me, I couldn't bring myself to attune myself to the political sphere of the core worlds. I was a politician, I strongly relied on my knowledge over the current state of politics, even after I went into exile. Being informed had always given me power, so what would it change? And maybe, just maybe, if I watched everything closely, I would learn of the day it would be safe again for me to return. Then, I learned of Vader, and whatever was left of my world collapsed around me. I couldn't even bring myself to turn on the holonews, because I knew something there would be connected to Vader, and it hurt too much to know what became of the man who I had loved, who had fathered my children. I chose ignorance over power, in attempts of shielding myself from the pain. But the truth is, the pain was always there. Ignoring it only made me think about it every minute of every single day. I couldn't shut my brain down, not until I started to reconcile my feelings with politics and follow from afar the works of the rebellion against the Empire. They were my only hope of seeing the man that had so wrongly hurt me defeated."
Leia listened attentively to her. "You still do."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Ignore what has happened, even if you don't see it for yourself," she said. "Maybe you've already accepted your traumas, maybe it's already become stale, but… You rarely speak of the past, not unless Luke or I ask you to. And I know it's not because you're afraid of burdening us with it. Maybe it is too, but you're also desperately trying to avoid it because the memories are still just as painful."
Padmé smiled sadly at that. "Like you said, they're hard to let go."
Compressing her lips, Leia sadly agreed. She could only chuckle as she saw Padmé reaching out for another chip to cope with the hard truth that had just been presented to her.
"Ignorance is bliss," Ameera said. "Tell me, Padmé, isn't it so much better when you focus on the twins and you just forget all the bad that came before them?"
Although Padmé wanted so badly to agree with it, she couldn't, otherwise, she would contradict herself.
"I recognize the flaws in my behavior," she said, "But as the two of you know, it's not easy speaking up about it."
To that, the two girls nodded.
"My unhealthy coping mechanism is — Han," Leia admitted, looking down while well aware that they looked at her. "I'm so dependent on him. He carries all of my burdens with me, even when he doesn't know it, and I know that's not a healthy relationship. He's just — my one constant, the one person I can always rely on. This by itself is a flawed thought because there are no guarantees in life, and nothing is stopping him from one day just having had enough of me and deciding to walk away. Or, even worse, he dies and he takes all my sense of security and balance along with him. Yet, I am so scared of what will happen to me if I try to distance myself from him."
Padmé glanced at her intently. "You don't need to distance yourself from Han, Leia. However, you do need to learn how to be strong with him, so you'll know how to be strong without him, too."
Leia nodded, breathing out anxiously.
"Han is being deployed in a couple of weeks," she announced, "He has contacts in the Outer Rim, so the High Council has judged him the perfect character for this mission. Which he obviously is, but… I've come to rely on him so much, for everything, that I'm genuinely afraid his absence will be too much to bear. Which is so ironic, because after Alderaan I had become so good at handling myself without the help of others."
"We'll be here," Ameera said, so out of her element. "When he's gone, I mean. If you want to have slumber parties every day and fall asleep on the floor after hours of meaningless conversation, we'll be here."
Leia chuckled, appreciating it.
When silence reigned, Ameera was the one to break it, "Well. The good thing about not overthinking is that I can just say with a clear conscience that I don't have any unhealthy coping mechanisms."
Padmé offered her a dirty look. "I think that thought itself already denounces your bad habits."
Ameera pointed at her carelessly, "That's only because you tend to overthink everything. Once again proving my point."
Padmé rolled her eyes but didn't have the chance to deconstruct her narrative as the bell rang, announcing that their brunch had arrived.
When the trio finally returned to the headquarters, chaos unfolded.
The girls came to find Luke and Han aboard the Falcon, each looking like their lives had lost complete meaning — corroborating Ameera's theory that men were worthless without any girls to boss them around. Padmé and Leia could only stare at them in disbelief.
Upon seeing they were back, Luke's world lit up again. He eagerly jumped on his feet to meet them — Padmé especially — and he impromptu begged her not to ever abandon him again, which forced Padmé to promise she would make it up to him.
Han, however, held his composure — mostly. He walked up to Leia and greeted her with a gentle kiss, before folding her in his arms and refusing to let her go for the time being — and maybe, just maybe, he was as dependent on her as he was on him.
When night came, he held her close to his heart. She had asked him to spend the night on the Falcon, rather than at her personal quarters, as she longed to be somewhere that felt like home, just like Padmé's apartment had come so close to being.
She laid with her head on his chest, listening to the comforting sound of his heartbeat. Knowing him to be awake from the steady pattern of his breathing even if they had been lying in silence for a while — just like he knew her not to be sleeping from the stiffness of her body over him.
They would have been lying amidst the darkness if it weren't for the small lamp illuminating the room. Leia had asked for him to leave him on; she wasn't afraid of darkness, but she still unwelcomed it.
Han knew something to be bothering her; her tense muscles and her arms strongly wrapped around his waist told him as much. He wouldn't press her or even ask her what was wrong. No; all he would do until she finally found it in herself to talk was to hold her with the same intensity that she held him.
"Han," she quietly called for him, her voice so low that only the silence of the night would have him hear her. "I… I need to tell you something."
He ran his hand gently against her back, trying to show her her strength while staying silent.
"I don't want to turn off the lights, but…" she gulped, her nails anxiously digging into the palm of her hand. "I don't want you to… look at me either… not as I tell you."
He didn't question her or her motives; instead, he pulled her closer to him in a way that her head fit perfectly the curve of his neck, and he couldn't see her face.
"Han… I love you so much," she started, voice starting to crack, "You know that, right?"
"I know," he said calmly, words so natural on his lips whenever they quipped each other about their love for one another that somehow felt so wrong that night. His heart pounded heavily on his chest. "I know, Leia."
"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath and breathing in the familiar scent of his. "It's about… what happened after I freed you from the carbonite. And I'll need you not to interrupt me, nor ask me questions, nor — be angry, nor anything, because… If you do, I might not be able to finish my story."
He nodded, and just that.
So, she closed her eyes, and she told him everything. Every horror she endured, every mistreatment of her body, and she did not cry. She held tightly to him, and she felt him hugging her closer whenever her voice started to falter or words started to fail her. She carried out to the end, telling the story that she had never acknowledged aloud until then, and she was almost proud of herself for it.
And when she finished, her body was tenser than before as she dreaded his reaction.
Respecting her wish just as much as her personal space, Han didn't look at her when she was done. He wouldn't, not until she had given him permission to. Of course, he had worked for Jabba the Hutt, he was very aware of the horrors that beast and his thugs were capable of — and being with Leia ever since the aftermaths of Tatooine proved him no wrong; he had always known the horrors that she had been forced to endure, although he had always trusted her to come to him when she was ready to accept what had happened.
Now that she had, his heart hurt from hearing the pain in her voice, and how much she was struggling with it. And on a more selfish note, he hated himself for being responsible that she would find herself in that position. He would never enunciate it and lay his burden on her, though.
"Han," she called for him in his silence, the sound of her words barely making it past her lips. As difficult as it was, she shifted her body and rested her chin over his shoulder, looking at him again and silently asking for visual contact once more. "Do you… Do you still love me?"
Han frowned, her question like a dagger to his heart. He dropped his eyes towards her and he didn't think he had ever seen so much insecurity coming from her. "Where did that come from, Leia?"
She shrugged, uncomfortable, and she could no longer look at him in the face.
He sighed, damning himself for the stupidity of his own question. He didn't need to be a genius to understand where her uncertainty was coming from, he simply hated that she would think that there was anything that would ever diminish his love for her.
"Leia, look at me," he asked, his voice carrying out as much sweetness as it did firmness. Reluctantly, she did, and he cupped her jaw with the palm of his hand. "Nothing will ever make me stop loving you, sweetheart. You hear me, Leia? Nothing. What happened to you is an abhorrence that nobody should ever go through, however, it does not diminish your character, or how lovable you are as a person. You didn't ask for that, you didn't. You still matter just the same, to me and to everybody else.
Her eyes became warm with tears; she did not blink them away.
"I love you, Leia," Han said, understanding the importance of saying those words aloud, rather than just implying them. "Nothing is ever going to change the way I feel about you."
She rested her head over his hand, so grateful for his reaction and his words to her. She could only assume the anger he felt inside as she told him her story, and his willingness not to act on it and instead focus on her wellbeing made so much difference. After all, she had come to learn the hard way that showing anger towards the past would not change what had happened.
Perhaps Han didn't know it to the same extent that she did. Yet, his calm and his peaceful presence there almost made it easier for her to breathe.
When she laid next to him again, it almost felt right. It almost felt like the past didn't matter, and hadn't shaped them into who they now were.
"I wish there was more I could do," Han said earnestly, burying his nose amidst her hair. He wished more than anything that he could walk with her on a road that only she could see.
"You do enough," Leia said, fighting the urge to seek a place to hide against him. "Han, you don't understand how good you are to me. You don't know how much just you being — you — helps."
He remained silent; he didn't feel like it.
Leia sighed, snuggling closer to him.
"After I freed you of the carbonite, and my rescue failed — well, I'm sure you remember it," Leia struggled with her flux of consciousness, "What I want to say is, and I feel so bad for thinking this way, but… I was so relieved that you were blind, Han."
At loss, he frowned but didn't comment on it.
"I didn't wish you to be blind, I would never wish any harm on you," she said, without realizing she was contradicting herself. "But you were blind, Han. You couldn't see me, like that, wearing that outfit. You couldn't see me being so overly sexualized and objectified."
"Leia," he said with a grave voice. "Like I said, it wouldn't make a difference. I wouldn't think any less of you because of it. You were forced to be there."
"It's not that," she whispered, ashamedly. "It's so irrational, Han, it's so — stupid, but I was so afraid that, if you got to see me like that, you would have — enjoyed the view. That you would have… appreciated to see me like that. That you would have found me… hot, or whatever."
"What?" he was confused, and he pulled his head back just enough to be looking at her again. "Leia—"
"Like I said, it's so irrational, and I know you wouldn't, but," she tried to justify herself, "I hate that I feel, that I felt that way towards you."
"Leia," he said her name again, looking deeply into the eyes she refused to give him. "I don't fault you for your feelings. They're your feelings, and you can't just alter the way you feel. However, I still need to tell you that I would never share those thoughts. I don't care how hot they might have made you, if you didn't ask to be there, then there's no justification to anyone daring to objectify the way you looked. Leia, I too am grateful that I couldn't see you back then, but not for the reasons you think. I am just relieved because it would have hurt too much to see you like that."
Leia swallowed hard; she believed him. Smiling shyly, she took her hand to his face and tenderly brushed her thumb against his cheek. Hoping she would feel a smile forming under the touch of her fingertips — she didn't.
"Thank you for being so patient with me, Han," she spoke from her heart. "I know — it mustn't have been easy."
"No. Seeing you hurt will never be easy, Leia," he said. "Loving you, all of you, is a choice I made for myself. There's nothing difficult about that."
She chuckled soundlessly. "See? This is what I mean. You help me so much — just by being you."
He placed his hand over hers and brought her knuckles to his lips.
With tingles on her spine from his simple deed of love, Leia brought her hand back to herself, instead leaning her face closer to his. Their breaths tickled each other's face, their lips brushed; they delved into each other's eyes.
"Leia."
"Shh."
Shyly, she captured his lips in a kiss, jolts of electricity being sent across all her body at the simple touch. She cupped both his cheeks, gently caressing his skin, while their tender kiss slowly turned into something more. Never once did she dare to close her eyes.
"Leia—"
She chose to ignore him, even as she shifted her body and now laid over him. She kissed lines across his jawline, her hands descending his torso and finding the bare skin under his worn shirt. Her heart was pounding inside her chest; she was sure he could hear it.
"Leia—"
With an accelerated breathing, she adjusted herself over him, with her knees sustaining her body by his sides. Tingles of anxiety were sent down her spine, yet she did not pull away. She focused on him only, and how much love she had for him, and her trembling hands followed down to the waistband of his pants. Then, she essentially stopped breathing, but she still had a very clear goal in mind, and nothing would stop her.
"Leia."
Han caught her hands in his, trapping her movements without showing any force. She refused to look at him, and she panted on top of him — and there hadn't been any physical activity to justify that; nothing other than her own mind.
"Leia," he said her name yet again, his voice gentle and calm. He brought her hands close to his heart and held them there. "Come on, Leia."
"Han, please," she begged him, her lower lip trembling. "I need this."
"No. Not like this, Leia," he said, forcing his body up so she was sitting on his lap without any malice. He placed the loose straps of her hair that were falling over her face behind her ears, not failing to notice that she wouldn't look at him in the eyes. "Not when you're scared."
Leia chuckled ironically. "I'm not scared of you."
"I know," he conceded gently, cupping her face with one of his hands. "But you're not comfortable, either."
"Han," she cried his name, "It's been so long—"
"Nothing wrong with that, sweetheart," he assured, feeling bad for her hands anxiously fiddling with his shirt. "We've got all the time in the world. We won the war, didn't we? We don't have to hurry anymore."
"But—"
He interrupted her by pulling her close, having her face on him, and he tenderly kissed her tears. Leia sighed in defeat.
"Not until you're ready, Leia," he said, "I don't care how long it takes, I'll still be here. You're not under any obligation here. I only care for your happiness and your wellbeing, and I want you to be in a good place when we have sex."
Leia rested her forehead on his shoulder.
"I don't deserve you."
Chuckling, he laid back down with her, this time with both his arms securing her next to him.
"I'm terribly sorry, Leia, but I'm exactly what you deserve."
When night came, Luke Skywalker was eager to have dinner with his mother on the base cantina.
He knew her to be content to be there as well, simply coexisting with her son; however, she was still distracted, and far too many times she had accidentally drifted away when he was speaking.
Luke didn't take it personally; no, he was sure she had her reasons, and he respected them. At the same time, part of him wondered what had so suddenly changed that she would have her head up in the clouds.
"Hm? What?"
He merely chuckled as she had lost herself in their conversation for the third time or so.
"I was saying, I hope you know I'm not being melodramatic, nor that I am — jealous, that you've been spending some time with Leia."
Padmé suppressed her frown; she had clearly missed whatever had prompted him to bring that up.
"I don't think that, Luke," she said, "I think it's sweet how badly you want to fit in."
Luke made a face — Padmé just couldn't tell whether she had said something completely off-topic or if he had something he disagreed with.
"That's not the impression I want to pass off either," he snorted awkwardly. "I am just so happy that you're here, mother. I don't want to waste a single moment with you."
"Luke," Padmé eyed him funnily, "Are you sad that I called Ameera to spend the night with us rather than you?"
His eyes widened; Padmé found it adorable that he had needed her to point it out for him.
"Well, when you put it that way—"
Shaking her head, amused, she reached out to hold his hand. "Luke, I promise you I never wanted to make you feel sad. However, you wouldn't fit in last night. A lot of things happened, and… We all just needed a break from our lives, while also wanting to be near those that… Have been through similar situations, let's say."
Understanding, he nodded. "Is that why you're so distracted today?"
Padmé sighed, unsurprised that he had noticed it. "In a way, yes."
"Is everything alright?" he asked, suddenly a little worried.
"As far as it can be," she said. "Luke — Leia needed me last night, just as she needed a break from everything. You not having been invited has nothing to do with you, but it was everything to do with your sister. I'm not telling you to go pester her, but — be mindful of her, and respect that she needed an environment free of men yesterday."
He nodded, an unexplainable sense of discomfort coming from his chest. "Is she alright, Padmé?"
Padmé could only smile sadly at his question.
"She will be."
"As in," he cleared his throat, "She's not alright right now."
"Luke," she called his name, "You saw her today—"
"Leia isn't one to easily express her feelings," Luke interrupted her, "Before, I was able to get a sense of what was going through her mind due to our Force bond. Now that it's gone… It's just like when I first met her, and she's as shut off to me as she is to the rest of the world."
Padmé nodded, wondering if Leia's reasons for keeping her distance from her brother had anything to do with the impossible circumstances they had been put through at Jabba's palace and Luke's mishandling of the situation.
"Leia — is going through… something as of the moment," Padmé indulged, bringing no further insight into a story that didn't belong to her. "She will come to you when she's ready."
"I miss her," he bluntly said, "Everything feels… so different. Not because of you, mother, at least I don't think so. It's just—"
"Each new day is a day further away from the war," Padmé illustrated, "And the further behind the war is, the more time we have to think about all the things that happened, things that were so wrong and inhuman that they should never have happened. But they still did, Luke, and it's not easy."
Luke rested his chin over the palm of his head; he knew that better than anyone.
"Alderaan?"
Padmé shrugged rather than answering.
Luke sighed. "I never expected the aftermath to be so much more painful than the actual war."
"Yeah," Padmé lamented.
"I am happy, though, that you could have been there for Leia, and that Leia accepted your caring," Luke prompted, shyly smiling with the corner of his lips. "I know how much she needed that, despite her refusal to admit it, and… I know how much it meant to you."
Likewise, Padmé rested her face on her hands; she knew how much Leia was lacking in women figures in her life, ever since the death of Alderaan, and the previous night had been just about that. Not mother and daughter bonding, but women being there for each other when the galaxy was so crude to them as its essence.
"It was a lovely night," she said, and it was true. Despite everything that had been revealed, it was a peaceful night where they just got to be themselves. Padmé would always cherish that night. "I guess — we all needed that. To relish each other's presence and just that. Ah, I don't expect you to understand—"
"Yeah, I know, I'm a boy," Luke teased, "Don't worry, mother. Ameera made that much quite clear."
Padmé laughed. "Ameera does like you. She just — has a unique way of showing it."
"Oh, I know," Luke dismissed it with his hand, "She convinced me of much when she called me to a private corner earlier today, saying she had the most important secret of the galaxy and needed to share it with me, and then proceeded to tell me that my sister doesn't know how to clean."
Padmé snorted loudly. "It was — a very eye-opening discovery, let's say."
Luke chuckled. "I can't wait until she's in a better place so I can start teasing her about that."
"No, Luke, don't wait it out," Padmé suggested, "Do it anyway, as if nothing had changed between the two of you. Because it hasn't, and the only way to certify that is by being yourselves."
"Okay," he agreed softly. "I will do that."
Padmé smiled discreetly.
"And thank you, by the way, for having dinner with me," Luke said earnestly. "Not to sound too childish but — I did miss you, mother. I'm so happy that you're here that just one day away from you makes me afraid that you'll just disappear again."
"Well, Luke, I'm sorry to break it to you but I'm not going anywhere," Padmé sweetly assured him. "Because I am equally as happy to be here."
After that, there was no restraining of his smile.
A/N: just a nice little chapter to start off the year well :)
let me know what you think!
