Shortly after the console room had stabilized, the Doctor started pacing around the control console, checking readouts, fiddling with controls every now and again.
The 'mummy loose on the orient express' thing turned out to be a bust. Every time the Doctor had tried to land the ship there, the TARDIS would materialize in empty space. El just looked at the Time Lord, shaking her head.
Will, meanwhile, was freaking the fuck out.
"…you kidnapped me." Will finally breathed after a little while. "I got into a vehicle with a strange man and he kidnapped me! Mom warned me this would happen!"
"Will," El placed a hand on his shoulder, "Breathe. First question, do you remember anything from your dreams?"
"No!" The boy quickly shot back. "The only thing I remember is this place! I think I have a few drawings of it back home… Oh my God," Will blanched. "They're going to freak out!"
"So, second question," El began, "Do you want to stay there where they'll treat you like…"
"Fragile." The Doctor finished helpfully, checking under the console.
"Fragile, or do you want to stay with us?" El asked in response. "We'll look after you, but not act like you're broken glass."
"Besides!" The Doctor added. "We've got plenty of stuff round here to get you back up to one-hundred percent in a jiffy! When you get back home, you'll be better than new! Whaddya say?"
Will blinked, considering it. "…why's it a phone box?"
The Doctor looked up from the console, to Will. "Sorry?"
"On the outside…" Will pointed to the door. "It says 'Police Box.' Why have you labeled a time machine 'Police Box,' why not time machine? Is that too obvious?" His speaking began to speed up. "And what is a police box? Do policemen come in boxes? How many do you get? Are you a cop?" The Doctor looked to Will, frowning. "No, look at your hair. Actually… look at your hair! You could give Steve a run for his money! Do you ever look at it in a mirror and go 'woah, that's a lotta hair!?'" He looked the Time Lord up and down as El struggled not to laugh, the Doctor looking a bit put out. "And that chin, it's like… you could poke somebody's eye out, and the bow tie… am I being annoying?" He finally stopped to ask, wincing.
"Well… you're more talkative than the normal folk I bring aboard." The Doctor diplomatically responded.
"I think it's funny." El giggled. "Best entertainment since finding that Netflix thing in the media room."
"…I still want an answer." Will awkwardly replied.
"Well, it's not really a Police Box-" The Doctor held up a finger, "Which, by the way, is a special sort of telephone box that policemen in Britain used to use."
"Really?" El tilted her head. "They were a real thing, there were actually Police Boxes?"
"Yep." The Doctor confirmed. "Each one had a direct line to the station for civilians to use in event of emergency, and for Police to use as well cause back then radios were too bulky to be carried around by Police on the beat. They were like-kind of like little mini-stations out on street corners, with a desk, chair, and because it's British, a teapot. And, if a constable happened to catch a ne'er-do-well, they could shove 'em inside and lock the doors until a car came by to take them to the station."
"Okay…" Will nodded at the little history lesson. "…but there are windows on the outside! Where do they go?"
"If it helps, think of the inside as a pocket-"
"Pocket dimension." Will nodded. "Right, okay."
The Doctor slowly turned to the boy. "Eh?"
"After I got… taken in '83 I read up on all the latest scientific theories." Will shifted self-consciously. "FTL… aliens… parallel worlds."
"Sure, take the magic out of it, why don't you?" The Doctor grumbled.
"And there's a light on the top!" Will recalled. "Do you need to change the bulb!?"
"Will, calm," El ordered him again, "Breathe."
Will nodded, breathing, before another pressing question gripped his mind. "Why doesn't the air get out!? It's made of wood! You have a wooden time machine; do you feel stupid!?" The two looked at him questioningly. "Sorry, just noticed the bow tie again."
"It's camouflage." The Doctor answered, Will shooting a sardonic look to the bow tie. "Not this, the outside, it's only disguised as a police box from 1963. Every time the TARDIS materializes in a new location, within the first-" The Doctor snapped his fingers, "Nanosecond of landing, it analyzes its surroundings, calculates a twelve-dimensional data map of everything within a thousand-mile radius, and determines which outer shell would blend in best with the environment!" The Time Lord smiled, clearly passionate about the inner workings of his ship. "And then…" The Doctor's smile dropped as he looked around. "The TARDIS disguises itself as a police box from 1963."
El frowned. "Oh. How come?" She'd just accepted that the TARDIS looked like that naturally, like it was a fact of existence, like the sky being blue.
"I-It might be a bit of a fault; I've been meaning to check." The Doctor stammered, typing something into a keyboard.
"So it's a police box every time?" Will asked.
"Yeah, now that you mention it." The Doctor answered.
"And how long's it been doing that?" Will inquired.
"Oh, you know… not long." The Doctor replied.
El snorted. "Liar." She looked to Will. "Been here six months. Police Box every time."
Will huffed, looking back to the Doctor. "And is it a cry for help!?"
"What?" The Doctor replied.
"The bow tie!"
"Ah." The Doctor grasped the accessory. "Bow ties are cool."
"Are you from another planet!?" Will sarcastically asked.
"Yep." The Doctor answered honestly.
"…what?" Will asked, seriously this time. "You're an alien?"
"In your terms, yes, but in my terms-" He pointed at Will. "You're the alien. In quite a few peoples' terms, actually."
Will took a breath. "What kind of alien?"
"You know, a nice one!" The Doctor quickly answered. "Definitely one of the nice ones!"
Will's eyes widened, jaw dropping as he looked to El. "Your dad's an alien… does that mean you're an alien?"
"No." El shook her head. "Adopted."
"Right, okay…" Will nodded, resting a bit easier knowing he wasn't the only human. "So does that mean you're like a little slug in a human suit?" He asked, as the Doctor walked to the other side of the console. "Is that why you walk like that!?"
"No, this is what I really look like." The Doctor answered.
El huffed. "Unfortunately."
"So, is this 'make jokes at the Doctor's expense' day!?" The Time Lord grumbled, shaking his head as he examined another component on the console. "Even the TARDIS is getting in on it! A dozen tries and we're not landing on that damn train…" He sighed, pushing back from the console. "Might be time to do some maintenance and a proper recalibration. She did just explode."
"Explode!?" Will repeated.
The Doctor ignored him, "El, get some goggles, time for your next lession in TARDIS piloting: Maintenance."
El sighed, standing up.
Watching the Doctor work on the TARDIS make her feel squeamish sometimes, like watching a surgeon work on a patient in the same room.
Still, it couldn't be that bad.
Will sat on the seat near the stairs, watching as El and the Doctor went about performing the maintenance on the TARDIS. The Doctor had procured a roller board to lay on while he worked on the console, and El was on the lower level of the console room, attaching what looked like big hoses to the circular black sphere, the Heart of the TARDIS.
Will sat there, feeling just a tad useless, as he watched the others work. He allowed himself to think, even though thinking would probably be a bad idea, just leading the events of the days before to repeat.
So instead, he focused on something else, and came to a conclusion.
Will got to his feet, walking up to where the Doctor was working, the Time Lord whistling as he reached up from under to pull a lever, not looking.
"Hey." Will addressed.
The Time Lord rolled out. "Hey!" He offered, before rolling back under.
Will bent down, pulling the Doctor out slightly. "I have a question."
The Doctor turned his head. "EL!" He shouted, going back under.
Will poked the Time Lord, "It's kind of a pressing one." A series of pressing ones, actually. Number one on the list being how the Doctor knew El if she'd been hiding away from society with Hopper, the second one being how the Doctor managed to stop the Mind Flayer possessing him while stopping the creature's plans at the same time, three being why Will had dreams of the TARDIS.
"Everything alright up there?" El asked, looking up through the glass.
"Yep, fine, no problem!" The Doctor answered, rolling back under the console.
Will stood up, hospital gown swishing (he was going to have to ask them if there was a wardrobe with spare clothes or something in this place), looking down through the glass at El. "Maybe you can answer me. Do you know why I had dreams of this place even though I'd never seen it?"
"Probably nothing." El replied, shrugging. "I dreamed you were my boyfriend instead of Mike, a couple of times, even though I really didn't meet you. Dad, it's humming," She asked of the Time Lord, "Is it supposed to do that?"
"Yep, it's fine, we're just entering conceptual space." The Doctor answered, rolling out. "Imagine a banana, or anything curved-actually, don't, cause it's not curved, or like a banana-forget the banana!" The Time Lord answered, rolling back under.
Will blushed, El's words still registering with him. "Boyfriend?"
"Attach thermocouplings two, seven, and eleven!" The Doctor ordered, rolling out, standing up, looking down at El seriously. "Like I showed you!"
"Boyfriend?" Will repeated. "Did you say boyfriend?"
"Yeah, I did, big deal!" El confirmed. "We've all had… dreams about people."
"Why are you still wearing that?" The Doctor asked of Will, desperately trying to switch-tracks to prevent being caught in an awkward conversation.
"No, but, about me?" Will asked, poking himself in the chest. "Bowl-Cut Byers?"
"Bowl-Cut Byers!?" The Doctor repeated incredulously.
Will glanced at the Time Lord self-consciously. "It's better than zombie boy, at least."
The Doctor made a little motion like 'yeah, fair enough,' before turning back to the console. "Yeah, that hospital gown's not doing you any favors either."
"Is that what it is?" El asked, looking up. "I thought it was…" She froze, face flushing red. "A dress."
"A dress!?" Will spluttered.
The Doctor glanced up from where he was working on the console. "Well, it does have a sort of… dressy silhouette."
"It's not a-"
The console room tilted as the engines abruptly ground to a halt, the lights going dark.
Will and the Doctor held onto the console, looking at each other.
"What was that?" Will fearfully whispered.
"El!" The Doctor shouted, still looking at Will. "Did you drop a thermocoupling!?"
"…s-sorry." The girl apologized.
"How did you do that!?" The Doctor pushed off the console. "I told you, don't drop them! I specifically mentioned not dropping!"
"…um, it might be my fault." Will said.
"Of course it isn't your fault!" The Doctor replied, fiddling with the controls.
"I-it kinda was his fault." El shifted the blame.
"How can it be his fault!?" The Doctor questioned.
"Because…" Will swallowed. "It was my hospital gown… which the only thing I'm wearing under is underwear, and your glass floor."
The Doctor blinked, looking down to El. "OH, EL, DISGUSTING!"
The girl offered a cringing smile. "Sorry." She apologized, still obviously visibly staring in Will's direction.
"Well, we've landed," The Doctor turned back to the console, pulling a few levers. "Emergency materialization, should've locked onto the safest spot available." El came walking up to their level as the Doctor pushed the lever forward, the lights in the console room returning to full strength.
Though it should've been cause for relief, the three were disturbed by what they saw over by the doors, standing in front of the viewport.
Windows and signage glowing a warm orange… the TARDIS's police box exterior was standing in the console room.
"Dad…" El stared at the box as the Doctor leaned on the railing. "What's happened?"
"Safest spot available." The Doctor answered. "The TARDIS has materialized… inside itself."
"Is that supposed to happen?" Will pointed to the Police Box.
"Take a guess." The Doctor replied, taking a slow walk down the stairs.
"…No?" Will guessed.
"That's the one…" The Doctor slowly approached the Police Box, placing a hand on the door.
"What're you doing?" El inquired.
"…I have absolutely no idea." The Doctor answered, pushing into the box.
On the other side of the console room, precisely in sync with the Doctor's motion, the doors opened, and the Doctor emerged from the inner doors.
"That is… weird." El commented, looking at the disorienting sight.
The Doctor stood there, pulling the door back open, sticking his arm through.
"Okay…" Will chuckled. "That is actually pretty cool."
"Oh, I'm glad you're entertained, Will!" The Doctor replied, stepping through the inner doors, emerging from the Police Box. "When we're stuck here for all eternity, at least you won't be bored!"
Will shrunk slightly, sufficiently admonished.
"Wait, we're stuck?" El questioned.
"The inside of the TARDIS is now joined to the outside of the TARDIS." The Doctor looked to her. "This is worse than a time loop, a space loop…" He looked at El gravely. "Nothing can ever enter or leave this ship ever again."
The inner doors suddenly opened, and all three turned their heads over to it in surprise.
An exact copy of El, dressed just like she was now, eyeshadow and slicked-back hair and all, came strutting into the console room, stopping just in front of the Police Box.
"Okay, kids, this is where it gets complicated." The future one spoke.
"Jane?" El looked the reflection up and down, as the Doctor slowly approached down the stairs.
"I'm you. From the future…" Future-El answered, speaking like she was telling a spooky story. "Not that far, though."
"Tell me exactly what's happened." The Doctor ordered.
"Well, the exterior shell of the TARDIS has, um…" Future-El stammered. "Drifted forwards in time. If you step into the box now you step into the control room just a little bit in the past." She finished with a little satisfied nod, like she was patting herself on the back.
"I don't understand." Present-El admitted.
The future version glanced at her. "Neither do I."
"But you just said it!" The present version called her out.
"No," Future-El denied. "I'm just repeating it. I'm just remembering what I heard myself saying where I was standing where you are now and I'm just repeating it." She explained, the Doctor rubbing his forehead painfully. "I'm just repeating this too. And this. And this."
"Augh, I still don't understand." Present-El groaned.
"You still don't." Future-El grumbled.
"Okay," The Doctor cut in, pointing to the El that had been there from the start, "When does this one step into the box? We need to lay out a timeline."
"Ah," Future-El nodded with a smile, "As soon as she slaps Will."
"Okay." Present-El nodded.
"No, hang on," Will held up a finger, "Why do I get slapped?"
"Because we have to stick to the established chain of events," The Doctor explained, turning to the boy seriously, "One mistake and the whole timeline would collapse-we'd end up with two Els forever, and then what would you do!?"
"…give one to Mike, keep the other one." Will answered.
Present-El gasped, slapping Will.
"Alright, you," The Doctor shoved her down the steps. "Get into the police box now."
"A-And then I become her?" Present-El ran over to the door of the Police Box, standing across from her future self.
"Yes, now, go go!" The Doctor rushed.
Present-El was about to push in, before she stopped, looking the future version up and down. "…Do I really look like that?"
"Yeah," Future-El confirmed with a smile. "You do."
Present-El giggled. "Bitchin."
"Oh," The Doctor groaned. "This is how it all ends, El flirting with herself, true love at last…" He glanced over to Will. "Terribly sorry, this all has to be horribly confusing."
"…did I die?" Will wondered. "I must've died, and this is just the dream my oxygen-deprived brain is cooking up."
The Doctor shook his head, turning back to the Police Box. "Now, El!"
"What's the first line?" Present-El turned to her future self.
"'Okay, kids, this is where it gets complicated.'" Future-El answered.
"Gotcha." Present-El, with a grin, pushed into the Police Box.
"So," El turned to the other two, running up the steps. "Is that it? Is everything okay now?"
"No," The Doctor answered. "We're still trapped."
The doors opened, Will and El coming running into the console room, eyes wide.
"What're you doing!?" The Doctor demanded.
"You told us to get into the Police Box." Future-Will answered.
The Doctor's head darted around in confusion.
"Well, from your point of view, you're about to tell us to get into the Police Box. From our point of view you just told us to get into the Police Box, which is why we got into the Police Box, which is… why we're here."
Present-Will blinked, pointing at his future self. "Do I have to remember all of that?"
Future-Will shrugged. "It just… happens."
Present-El giggled, waving at her future self. "Hi."
"Hi!" The girl returned it.
"Stop that!" The Doctor ordered, pushing the two by him forward. "You two, Police Box, now, run!"
Present-Will and Present-El stormed into the box.
"So," El took a step, "Is that it?"
"You two!" The Doctor's hand shot out before either of them could move any further. "Stay exactly where you are!" He ordered, moving around the console.
Will's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you doing?" He asked, as the Doctor began to manipulate the controls.
"I'm setting up a controlled temporal implosion," The Doctor answered, "It's the only way to reset the TARDIS, but unless I use exactly the right lever to control the implosion… we're all gonna die."
El rolled her eyes. "You forgot the right lever, didn't you?"
"Yes…" The Doctor answered. "But don't worry… I'm about to find out."
The doors opened behind Will and El, the two jumping as someone pushed past them.
"The wibbly lever!" The Future Doctor answered.
"The wibbly lever," The Present Doctor pointed. "Thank you!"
The Present Doctor pulled the lever, before running down the console, into the Police Box.
The light on top began to pulse in time with the engines, the exterior shell glowing a faint blue, before it vanished completely, leaving the console room empty.
"Okay," The Doctor satisfactorily stated, looking around, "We're back in normal flight, the TARDIS is no longer inside itself," He threw his arms around the teenagers' shoulders, "And the localized time field is no longer about to implode and rip a hole in all causality, but just in case…" He glanced at the Byers boy's bare legs.
"Will, go and put some trousers on." The Doctor patted him on the shoulder, before striding back to the console.
Will rolled his eyes, and El laughed slightly. His eyes locked on her, and she quickly blushed, putting as much distance between him and her as possible, before Will shook his head, going off to find the wardrobe.
Dare he say it, but maybe… this would be fun.
