A/N - Happy Wednesday! Please take note of the rating, if you haven't done that yet ;) When I was writing this chapter, I was thinking a lot about the survivors I've spoken to and the research I've done for work, and the fact that so many survivors say one of their biggest fears is feeling like their partners are going to treat them differently after they find out about the assault. So, I was thinking about that in this chapter, and how Allie might address that with Jax to show him that things don't have to change between them. This chapter has a lot of sex scenes in it, but the purpose was really to show how they're working through this together, both physically and emotionally. By the end, I think they end up a lot closer and more solid as a couple than when they started. Anyway, sorry for the long explanation, but I felt like I needed to explain ahead of time ;) Enjoy!
Chapter Thirty-One
Allie slid into her tub, closing her eyes as the warm water wrapped around her and soothed her. She leaned back, letting her neck rest at the head of the tub and let her lavender bath soak work its magic on all her stress, all her aches and pains, and the epic dumpster fire that was this day.
She squeezed her eyes closed again and inhaled that calming lavender scent to push everything else away. Warmth and steam surrounded her, and she dipped a little lower into the water until her chin skimmed the edge and her shoulders were completely submerged. Now, she just felt like adding some bubbles, so she hit the knob with her toes to get a steady stream of water flowing again, and dumped some lavender bubble bath into the tub. Then she sank even lower into the warm bubbles, finally feeling the calm and the comfort she needed, and always managed to find in this tub when she needed it most.
Her run had helped beat the aggression and the anger and the frustration out of her, that was for sure. At one point, she was pretty sure she'd been crying and running at the same time, which was a strange feeling. It made her feel stupid too. Crying over something that had happened so long ago, something that she'd thought she had worked so hard to move past and set aside.
But having to sit on that bed today in Jax's dorm, with his hand on her back, and Opie sitting across from them with his eyes rooted to her feet, and say the words from start to finish, and relive it again, step by step, piece by sordid piece… she hadn't anticipated just how emotionally devastated she would feel by the end of it. So drained and spent, and just relieved.
Maybe she'd needed to say it. And maybe she'd needed to say it to him. Now that it was done, now that he knew everything there was to know, every terrible detail, she just felt better. The demons had been exorcised, and she'd come out the other side anew.
The real problem, she knew, was that up until today, she really had thought she'd worked past it. That it didn't rule her life or own her in any way. She'd seen a therapist for a little while after transferring to UCLA, and after a certain point, she'd gotten tired of that therapist droning on over and over again about how her trauma was manifesting itself in unhealthy ways. It hadn't sat well with her, so she'd stopped seeing that therapist. After that, she'd just continued on with her life as usual, closing as many people out as she could.
And now that everything was out in the open, she saw that while those coping mechanisms were maybe not the healthiest, they were still hers. Her chosen path to healing and redemption, and right or wrong, she'd dug her heels in and just kept on living.
Still, there was more to life than just that, and she owed it to herself to live a full and a happy life. She deserved that. She'd earned that.
And when she heard that familiar rumbling of a motorcycle engine bounce off her walls, she smiled to herself and dipped even lower into the bubbly water. She listened with bated anticipation as that rumbling engine grew louder as he rolled into her driveway, as the engine cut out altogether, as the garage door opened, and then shut about a minute later, and then she heard the door through the garage open and close.
His movements were light and quiet through the house, almost as if he was trying not to disturb her, wherever she was, and after he seemingly made his rounds through the first floor, moving through the kitchen, and then the living room, she heard soft steps padding up the stairs. His movements stopped short in the hallway, and after a pause, light rapping sounded against the bathroom door.
"Allie?" Jax's soft voice called out to her from behind the door.
"Yeah?"
He chuckled lightly, and then the door creaked out so he could poke his head through. It took him all of about two seconds for his eyes to drop right on her, nestled in bubbles in her tub, and his lips curled into a sexy smirk. His eyebrows lifted appreciatively as he pushed the door open a little more and leaned a shoulder into the doorframe.
Jax took another moment to let his eyes roam around her in the tub before she heard his low voice again, "Well, this is certainly a nice little surprise to come home to."
Those words warmed her even more than the water surrounding her, and she smiled softly at the way he'd said come home. This was his home, even if all he had here in this house was a toothbrush, a stick of deodorant, a pair of shorts, and a few Samcro T-shirts. Maybe that part of it didn't matter so much to him, but it was starting to matter to her, in ways that had completely snuck up on her these last few weeks.
She smiled at the way he still lingered in the doorway, as if he wasn't quite sure how much space she needed, and how much space was too much space.
"You can come in, you know," she called out to him softly. "You don't have to stand out there all night, unless you want to, I guess."
Jax's head tilted to the side, his lips lifting gently, and then he pushed off the doorframe, shuffling with slow, almost hesitant steps deeper inside the bathroom until he gripped the stool next to her by the head of the tub and moved it to the foot. Then he sank down on the stool, leisurely kicking his legs out in front of him, and draped a tattooed forearm along the edge of the tub so he was facing her.
"This is a nice set-up you got here," he murmured, his navy blue eyes soft and loving. "Candles and everything. Smells good too."
"Thanks," she smiled. She leaned back against the head of the tub and sank a little lower into the water again just because it felt good. "I've learned through trial and error what works for me and what doesn't."
His head tilted to the side a little again, dipping toward the water with a light smile playing on his lips.
"There's room for two, you know," she told him, lifting her eyebrows suggestively. "If you'd like to join me."
Now, his lips quirked up with amusement as his head just tilted even deeper to the side, his soft eyes never leaving hers. "I will in a minute."
"Alright, suit yourself," she shrugged easily, letting her body sink until her chin brushed the water's soothing surface and bubbles caressed the side of her face. "You know, when I first bought this house a few years ago, this bathroom and the kitchen were the main reasons why I jumped on it."
Jax's eyes drifted around the room, taking in the expansive glass shower to the right of the tub, the wide window above the tub, the farmhouse light fixtures and sinks at the long, winding vanity against the wall, and he nodded, probably more to himself than anything. He'd certainly been in this bathroom before, but he was looking around almost as if he was seeing it for the first time now - or, at least, seeing it the way she saw it for the first time.
"Yeah, I can see that. I don't tell you this enough, but you've got a really beautiful home here, darlin'. It really is. You earned it, that's for damn sure."
Allie smiled back at him, even as her body slid even lower under the water. "Thanks. I think it's pretty beautiful too. My jaw pretty much dropped the first time I saw this bathroom, and for me, at least right away, it was all about this tub. I just wanted to climb in it immediately and never leave, but I didn't want to make the realtor showing me the house uncomfortable, so I didn't."
He huffed out a laugh as his hand slipped away from the edge of the tub so he could dip his fingertips through the light foam and into the water by her calf.
"I wasn't really thinking about ever having anyone else in this tub with me then, you know?" Allie told him easily, mimicking his movements by tilting her head to the side. "I definitely liked that it was huge and it was comfortable and this claw style had me drooling all over the tile floor, but I was just thinking more about all the relaxing nights I could have in here all by myself, just something quiet and comforting, and it feels really good to take a hot bath like this after going for a run. My feet were already killing me from being in heels all day, and after seven miles of hitting the pavement, they were kinda just throbbing before I got in the water."
Jax's eyebrows lifted with some amusement, but she could see he was still impressed. "Seven miles, huh? Shit, I hate to say it, darlin', but I don't think that's somethin' we'll ever be able to do together."
"With the way you smoke?" Allie laughed, shaking her head. "You wouldn't make it down the street."
"You sayin' I should quit?" he threw back lightly as he cocked a wary eyebrow at her.
She just lifted a shoulder. "It's not a bad idea. I'd like you to be around for as long as you possibly can."
Now, a line ticked down his jaw, working through some amusement, and something else that looked a little bit like understanding, mixed in with some regret too.
"But anyway," Allie grinned easily. "All I meant was that this," she gestured to the water and the bubbles sealing her away from his view, "it sorta cures what ails me, you know? I mean, when I got in here before, I was feeling some weird pain in my knee too."
She lifted her right leg up and out of the water, and he didn't hesitate, dragging the fingertips he'd already had in the water over to her kneecap, where he traced the wet skin with a ringed finger.
"And it feels better now," Allie smiled at him softly.
"That's good, baby," he murmured, his fingertips still drawing lazy circles on her knee.
"So, I guess what I've been trying to tell you this whole time is that I think this is one of the places I feel most at home here in this house. Everything else just sort of falls away on the floor and I can sink into this water and just forget about everything else for a little while. And, I know you technically live at the clubhouse, but I want you to feel at home like that here too, and I don't just mean by you getting in this tub with me right now. I was thinking…maybe I could clear out a drawer or two in my dresser? I know you already have a few things here, but you can bring more over, if you want that is…I mean, don't feel like you have to just because I -"
"Allie," Jax cut in softly, a sexy smirk playing on his lips as his fingertips drifted up to her thigh. "My home is wherever you are."
She bit down on her bottom lip to hide her happy grin. "Okay."
"But that being said," his eyebrows lifted right along with his lips, "I don't think it's a bad idea to clear out a drawer or two, for me to have a few more things here. Just makes it easier for me comin' and goin' from here to the clubhouse anyway."
Her eyes dropped to the fingertips that were still lazily tracing her slick skin, frowning when she realized they'd started to tremble ever so slightly. When her gaze shot back up to him, he immediately jerked his hand away from her leg, sloshing some water against her knee, and brought his hand back up over the edge of the tub to rest it in his lap, and away from her view. His chest was heaving a little more against his leather cut as his shoulders rose and fell, and he swallowed tightly.
With her head tilted to the side, and a pained smile on her lips, she leaned forward, scooting closer to the foot of the tub to bend her knees until she could reach out and rest a hand against his cheek. The second her hand made contact with his stubbled cheek, he squeezed his eyes shut, turning his face into her touch, his handsome features twisting with grief and the lingering devastation she'd seen in his eyes earlier at the clubhouse. His hand reached out to cover hers, and he turned his head again so he could press his lips into her palm.
"Jax," she murmured.
His eyes flew open at the sound of her voice, even as his chest heaved and his eyes swam with unshed tears.
"Yeah, baby?" he whispered hoarsely.
She smiled down at him as her fingertips drifted down to his lips. "Get in the tub."
Jax huffed out a laugh, finally letting a smirk slide up the side of his face, and he dipped his head down in a nod. "Yes, ma'am."
After that, he didn't hesitate. He rose from that stool, ran his palms underneath his eyes, and slipped off his cut, tossing it lightly on the counter behind him as he kicked off his sneakers. Allie watched with some heated fascination as his lips curved into a knowing smirk and his fingers moved over the buttons on his flannel until he shrugged out of it and tossed it next to his cut. His jeans were next, and he made quick work of his belt buckle and fly, stepping out of them one leg at a time, and then his shirt flew over his head, revealing the rippling muscles on his chiseled chest. He winked at her as his hands slipped his boxer briefs down his thighs and he stepped out of those too, padding over to the tub in all his glory.
She scooted forward again so he could set one foot in and then ease the rest of his body around her before sinking down into the water, letting his back hit the head of the tub. He let out a low whistle as he settled into the warm water and her lavender-scented bubbles and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her against his naked chest.
"Now this is somethin' we can do together," he murmured in her ear.
She laughed lightly, leaning into his chest and smiling a little at the growing hardness in between his legs, that incidentally, was poking her right in the back.
"Do you see why I love this now? Everything just sort of gets lost in the water, at least for a little while."
"I see what you mean," he had his lips in her hair now and then he moved them to the side of her temples before he spoke again. "This is nice, baby."
His lips traveled from her temple, to the side of her cheek, leaving a trail around her jaw, and then down the side of her neck before they brushed across the back of her neck, moving to the other side of her neck, and then across the other side of her jaw, the side of her cheek, before moving back up to her other temple, his lips lingering on the side of her forehead as he murmured, "I love you."
She smiled, leaning her head into his touch so the sides of their heads kissed. "I know you do, Jax. I love you too."
She traced the tattoo on his right forearm and smiled absentmindedly at the beautiful and intricate memorial to his father forever inked onto his body, as her fingertips moved along the edges of the gravestone and the words RIP John Teller. And then her smile faded a little. Samcro had had three presidents in its history, and had lost the first two to a motorcycle accident and a shiv in Stockton. The club's presidents didn't exactly have a long life expectancy, if the first two were any indication.
And it was that thought that had her inhaling a shaky breath, prompting the arms encircling her waist to tighten.
"What is it, baby?"
Allie turned her head a little so she could show him that she was smiling now. "Nothing. I was just thinking about your tattoo."
It was better to just leave it there. This day was already heavy enough - she didn't need to add that into the mix too.
"You thinkin' about gettin' some ink?"
"No," Allie laughed, shooting him a little side-eye while she was at it. "I'm not."
He blew out a heavy sigh before leaning in to drop his chin onto her shoulder as he tucked her in closer. That just made her laugh again and she turned her head to find some exasperation in his eyes. Now, when she just kept laughing, his eyes narrowed at her.
"You're really not gonna make any of this easy on me, are you?"
"What?" she grinned.
Jax huffed out another exasperated sigh, muttering under his breath, "Won't get on my bike, won't let me pay, won't let me give her my crow, won't take my ring…Jesus Christ."
"Hey, I got on your bike."
"Yeah, well," he huffed. "I gotta feeling if that wrap party hadn't ended the way it did, we would've been fightin' about that for a lot longer."
All she could do was shrug. "You're probably right. I'd had every intention of holding out for as long as I possibly could."
"That sounds about right."
"But you still pay for things," she pointed out lightly. "You pretty much pay all the time. You let me pay for popcorn and soda that one time at the movie theater and that was only because it was under duress."
His light chuckle vibrated against her neck, and she leaned into the sensation, liking the way it felt in between her legs too.
"Besides, we never really fought about me getting on your bike. We had a minor disagreement about it. And that being said," she couldn't believe she was about to open this can of worms, but she kind of wanted to see where it would go. "I don't remember ever saying I wouldn't let you give me your crow."
Now, his shoulders shook with laughter around her back, sending some ripples through the water and the bubbles around them.
"What's so funny?"
That just made his shoulders shake even harder and he dipped his head down to brush his lips against the edge of her shoulder. "Come on, baby. Have you met yourself? I know exactly what you think about gettin' my crow. I'm not surprised, but I know."
"Oh really? And what is it that you think you know?"
"Lemme see," he chuckled, his tattooed forearm dipping below the water's surface as the hand on her stomach drifted lower. "You think it's like I'm branding you, right? Like I'm tellin' everybody I own you. That you're my property. Now, that's basically what it means in the club, but I figure you've got some issues with that because you're you."
"Okay," she allowed. "You're right. So, what, you're gonna try to convince me that it's somehow romantic to put a brand of ownership on someone? Because if you are, don't even bother, Jax."
His shoulders shook with laughter around her, and now she wasn't quite sure she liked the way this conversation was playing out. "No, darlin', I wouldn't dare."
Her head turned so she could narrow her eyes at him. "So what are you saying then?"
"I'm not sayin' I don't want you to have my crow. Because I do. I'm just sayin' I realize we might have to find a compromise is all."
"And what's that?"
"Oh, I've got a few ideas," he murmured huskily in her ear as his fingertips skimmed that sweet spot in between her legs. "You're not the kind of old lady this club has ever seen before, baby, and that's okay. Me and you - we're doin' things different. I like to think I'm a different kind of president than the ones that came before me, and I'm good with havin' a different kind of old lady too. I don't give a shit about following every rule and every tradition - not when it comes to you. We get to decide what works for us and what doesn't," he pressed his lips into her neck as his fingertips began a lazy trail up and down that sweet spot, "You bein' my old lady was a non-negotiable for me, but as far as my crow goes, I think I figured out somethin' we'll both be good with."
Her eyes flitted shut at the feel of his fingers tracing their light circles in between her legs, and she turned her head to exhale breathlessly in his ear, "You're not gonna tell me what that is, are you?"
"I'll bring you up to speed when I'm good and ready," he whispered as his movements underneath the water's surface picked up speed. "You like that, baby?"
Her head fell back against his chest as her chin tilted up in the air, her lips parting to sigh, "Yeah."
The other arm wrapped around her waist just pulled her in deeper against his chest. When her head turned to find him, his lips captured her mouth, slipping his tongue through her parted lips as her hips moved with his rhythm in between her legs. She lifted a hand out of the water until it slid behind his neck so she could kiss him deeper and pull him in tighter. Then she just let him carry her away, losing herself in his warmth and his touch, letting the sensations build and mount until she saw stars, tumbling down that black hole, and flying through the air because she knew he could catch her when she came back down.
And when she did come back down, his fingertips traced lazy circles on her skin, teasing out the aftershocks. He muffled his laugh against her shoulder when her hips jerked, sloshing some water around them. Finally, with her body fully relaxed and as soothed as it could possibly be, she slid down the length of his body until her head dipped below the water.
When she came back up for air, his arms tightened around her again, pressing her against his slick chest and leaning into her, dipping her body closer to the water as he hugged her tight.
"I love you," he murmured against her cheek.
Allie turned her head to find his mouth again and whispered into his lips, "I love you too."
She pulled her body closer to the water now, letting her breasts dip down into the bubbles and break through the surface. Maybe it was time for them to move on for the night, so she lifted her hands to grip both edges of the tub, glancing at him from over her shoulder.
"You wanna get out and rinse off?"
He just shrugged, waiting long enough to watch her rise up and gingerly step out onto the mat at the side of the tub. Allie tilted her head to the side a little as she took in the sight of this big, beautiful, soaking wet man lifting himself out of her bathtub, his chest and thighs completely covered in her lavender-scented bubbles. There was something about it that was as sexy as it was endearing. He was here, in her favorite room in the house, after having just given her a toe-curling orgasm surrounded in warmth and fluffy bubbles, and now he was walking toward her, completely naked but covered in lavender foam.
"What?" he quirked an eyebrow at her, even as she reached for his hand to pull him into the shower.
She just smiled back at him. "Nothing."
Allie led him into the wide stand-up shower, closing her eyes at the feel of the cool tile underneath her feet, and then she felt his calloused fingertips brush the top of her shoulders as he stood behind her. She turned the water on, tilting her face up to the shower head as more warm water rained down on her. She could feel it building in the back of her throat, the burning, and the stinging, but she just pushed that down for now, distracting herself by grabbing her shampoo bottle from the shelf built into the wall.
She turned around in the water to find him standing two inches away from her, his navy blue eyes fixed on her, only on her. His lips lifted at the corners as she squeezed some shampoo into the palm of her hand, sudsed it up, and then reached her hands up to start massaging the shampoo through his wet hair.
Jax's lips twisted painfully at her touch, and he squeezed his eyes shut, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose as his chest lifted and heaved. She didn't want him to cry, and just needed to lighten the moment, so she smiled, ruffling his hair, shampoo and all, and slid her hands up the sides of his head to pull his hair into a spiky mohawk until he finally opened his eyes again to find her laughing at him. He blinked at her once, as if he was having trouble jumping from misery to levity all in the span of two seconds.
Then he lifted his eyebrows in challenge: "You think that's funny, huh?"
"Yes, I do," she laughed.
His hands snaked around her waist to yank her against his chest, and then he hauled her back under the water, laughing as she shrieked when he shook his head like a dog to spray water and shampoo all over her face. He dipped his head into the rain shower again to rinse the rest of the shampoo from his hair, and then he snatched the shampoo off the shelf, this time squirting some in his own hands and rubbing them together.
"Come 'ere, baby," he whispered underneath the shower, reaching out to run his hands over the top of her head. Then he started working the suds through her hair, massaging and kneading gently with his fingertips.
Allie closed her eyes, pushing back that familiar stinging. This was just so achingly intimate, so tender and sweet, and she didn't think she'd be able to keep the tears at bay anymore. She'd tried so hard to keep from outright sobbing in the clubhouse today, just needing to get through it and focus on making sure he had all the information and all his questions answered. But now that part was over, and all that was left was the aftermath. The knowledge that he knew now, and he was still here. Still loving her, supporting her, comforting her.
It wasn't that she thought his feelings for her would change. But she had worried, deep down, that he would treat her differently once he knew, that something would change between them that they'd never get back.
She just hadn't expected this. He was treating her differently now. Not handling her with kid gloves, but he was still more tender somehow, as if the love they'd already shared before today just multiplied exponentially and now she was seeing the after-effects of that, his need to take care of her, his desperate hold over his own control and his own tears, his all-encompassing love and devotion for her…she could see it all written across his face for anyone and everyone to see.
In spite of everything, she had this.
In spite of everything, she had him.
Tears welled up in her eyes so she squeezed them shut, acutely aware that his movements in her hair had slowed until his fingertips skimmed down her cheeks to tilt her chin up to him. She forced her eyes open, finding his navy blue eyes watching her, glimmering with his own tears, and she pressed her cheek against his slick chest, letting his strong arms wrap her up in their protection. One of his hands wrapped around the side of her head to tuck her into him.
"It's okay, baby," he murmured, pressing his lips into the side of her forehead. "It's okay."
That just sent a round of sobs through her body, and he held onto her as her shoulders shook against his chest and her tears mingled with the water from their shower. And soon, she felt him trembling right along with her, felt his shoulders shaking with their own grief, their own sobs, and knew that her tears were now mixed with his.
She didn't know how long they stood there underneath the water like that, with their arms wrapped around each other, clinging to each other like their lives depended on it, their bodies racked with sobs.
And finally, the warmth and the protection and the safety she found in his arms calmed her tears until she just pressed her cheek into his chest and squeezed her eyes shut. Thoroughly exhausted. Thoroughly spent. Thoroughly loved.
Allie pulled her face away from his chest to tilt her head up at him. His face was still twisted with grief and devastation, but there was some relief mixed in there as well, like holding her this way and crying with her this way had done him some good too. His eyes still swam with tears, but then his lips lifted at the corners as he dipped her head back into the shower so he could rinse the rest of the shampoo from her hair.
When she straightened her neck, his lips crashed down on hers, taking possession of them as his tongue broke through her parted lips. As his mouth moved over hers, he backed them up until her back hit the cooled tile walls, and one of his hands shot out to the wall above her head to steady them. She hitched a leg around his hip, sighing into his mouth when his free hand slid around her thigh to bring her hips even closer to him.
And just when she felt the tip of him press inside her, her right foot slipped on the tile, nearly sending them both crashing down to the shower floor.
"Shit!" Jax cried out, grasping desperately for her hips to keep her upright. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," she laughed as she wrapped an arm around his neck. "I'm okay."
He huffed out an exasperated laugh and promptly shut the water off. "Fuck this shit. We'll try that again some other day."
Then he ran his hands through his soaking wet hair before dipping his head down to shake his head back and forth again, spraying her in the face.
"Stop it, Jax," she laughed. "You jerk!"
He stopped just long enough to squint at her through the water streaming down his face with one eye open, a cocky smirk twisting his lips. "You love it."
"Shut up."
Now, he slicked his wet hair back with both hands and scrubbed the water from his face, then his hands closed around her hips to shift her just enough so he could give her a gentle push out of the shower. He was right on her heels and the second they were both standing outside the shower, she turned around to face him, only for him to haul her up against his chest, lifting her feet off the ground so she could wrap her legs around his waist. Their lips collided again as he walked them through the bathroom, then the hallway, pushing through her bedroom door, and falling on top of her on their bed.
Now they were just tangled limbs and frantic kisses, until he tore his lips away from her mouth, meeting her in the eye just once and just long enough for her to see the tenderness and the determination shining in them.
Jax leaned down, stopping just short of her lips, and he murmured, "Baby?"
"Yeah?"
He tipped his head down to whisper against her lips, "These are yours," and then his mouth sealed over her lips again, kissing her deeply and passionately, letting her feel everything he felt, and showing her everything he wanted her to see.
"Thank you for letting me kiss them," he smiled against her mouth.
Then his lips moved to the side of her jaw, leaving gentle caresses in their wake to travel down the side of her neck, over her collarbone, drinking up the droplets of water on her skin, until his lips closed over her right nipple, sucking it in and flicking it with his tongue. Her back arched off the bed at the heady contact, but he didn't stop there - his mouth dragged over to her left breast, kissing around the skin until his lips sucked in that nipple, flicking it tortuously again with his tongue.
"These are yours, baby," he murmured as he brushed his nose against her nipple. "Thank you for letting me touch them and kiss them and suck them."
With that, his mouth continued its journey down the rest of her body, lingering on her skin, sending prickles and shivers of heat from her stomach to that spot he was heading for right in between her legs. And as his lips dragged gently over her skin, tears pricked the back of her eyes. She sucked in a harsh breath, suddenly so overwhelmed and so overcome with what he was doing, what he was giving back to her, that she almost felt like she couldn't breathe.
"Jax," she called out desperately.
His head jerked up at the sound of her voice, even though he was about two inches away from where she really wanted him to be. "What? You okay?"
She laughed in spite of everything, maybe even in spite of herself, and in spite of the heat pooling in between her legs. "You're gonna make me cry again. I don't know if I wanna do that."
Jax's lips lifted as he eyed her with his careful, loving gaze. "You need to cry, you can cry. You need to scream, go ahead and scream, baby."
"I don't wanna do either of those things right now."
"You want me to stop?"
A laugh burst from her throat and she shook her head furiously, her hands curling around the comforter on the bed. "No. Don't stop."
He smirked at her from his vantage point as he slipped a hand underneath her thigh to hitch it over his shoulder before dipping his nose to touch the slick skin waiting for him in between her legs. His eyes lifted back to her with a sexy grin twisting his lips, "Hey, you wanna know what else is yours?"
She already knew the answer, but played along, exhaling breathlessly, "What's that?"
Jax kept his eyes on her as he leaned in, flicking his tongue against that sweet spot, dragging it up and down lazily before twisting it around in a circle, torturing her with those movements that sent sparks flying between them.
Then he pressed one light kiss there before murmuring, "This is yours, baby. All fuckin' yours. Thank you for letting me taste it and lick it and -"
"Fuck it?" she offered breathlessly as her back arched off against the bed again.
He muffled his laugh against her skin, dipping his nose into her warm folds again. "Yeah. That too. You want me to do that right now or…?"
"Why don't you suck me off first and then we'll get to that in a second."
"Just a second?" he chuckled, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he watched her writhe and lift her hips underneath him.
"That's pretty much all it's gonna take," Allie sighed breathlessly, lifting her hips again to prompt him to keep going.
He huffed out an amused laugh against her, which only made her back arch against the bed again. "I'm happy to be at your service, baby, even if it's just for a second."
"Shut up, and do it."
Jax's eyes flashed, those navy eyes slipping into darkness again as his lips curled into a sexy smirk. Then he dipped his head back down, taking her in between his lips and sucking that spot into his mouth, rolling over it again and again with his tongue, sending sparks shooting through her entire body. Her hands drifted down toward his head, but she pulled back abruptly, remembering.
"Jax?" she exhaled breathlessly, looking down as his mouth lifted away from her body. He lifted his eyebrows expectantly, waiting patiently for her to ask him whatever she needed to say. "Can I…"
Her hands reached down, gesturing toward his head and his wet hair, and he caught her meaning almost instantly, his mouth curling knowingly as he rested his cheek against the inside of her thigh.
"Baby, you can do whatever you want."
"I know," she frowned down at him. "But I said I didn't want you to…to put your hands there when I'm doing this for you, and it's not fair if I -"
"Allie," Jax cut in with a smirk. "As long as your lips are wrapped around my cock, I don't give a shit where my hands are. When I've got my mouth on this sweet pussy, you can put your hands anywhere you want. If you wanna put your hands in my hair, if that feels good, if you like it, do it, baby. You don't need to ask my permission."
"But what if I want to…" she trailed off, searching for the right words, so she decided to just show him instead. She threaded her fingers through his wet hair and gently pressed down so his face was right in between her legs, muffling his laugh as he dropped a light kiss there again.
She closed her eyes at the sensation, only opening them again when she heard his husky voice below her.
"I think I like that just as much as you do."
Allie glanced down at him with happy surprise. "Really?"
"Oh yeah," he smirked up at her again from between her legs. "It's fuckin' hot."
"Okay," she exhaled, letting her fingertips work their way through his hair again, placing some gentle pressure on his head so he could dip back down. "Back to work, Jax."
His laughter was muffled against her skin again, but he obliged her. It took more than a second, but between the feeling of his tongue running up and down, his warm breath kissing her, the feeling of his wet hair in between her hands, pulling him in even deeper, the way his tongue pressed lightly against her, giving her just the right amount of pressure, and then when his tongue dragged her around in one more circle, she was flying down that black hole again as her hips jerked into his hands, and the waves crashed into her.
Jax pressed one more gentle kiss in between her legs before lifting his head up and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He shot her a sexy smirk, quirking his eyebrows up suggestively. Just as he started to move up her body, she planted her foot on his chest to halt his movements, pushing him back until he was standing on the floor. He waited there, giving her that space, letting her call the shots, and the tenderness in his eyes still hadn't dissipated.
There was something else she wanted now, and she knew he would do it for her. It had been on her mind ever since she got home from the clubhouse, and it had crossed her mind again during her run, and again in the tub. She knew it was just a matter of asking for it because he wouldn't do it on his own. At least not tonight. She knew him well enough by now to know that. And, for both their sakes, it made the most sense to have a conversation about it beforehand.
"Jax," she started softly, smiling at the way his eyes darkened. "I want you to fuck me now."
His head dipped down into a tight nod, and when he took a step closer to her, she just pressed a hand into his chest to slow him down.
"I want you to do it with me on my hands and knees," Allie whispered. She didn't miss the way his eyes widened and jumped to explain: "I haven't done that in a really long time. You know what I mean?"
Jax swallowed tightly, his chest rising and falling a little more rapidly now, but he still nodded. Of course he understood, but she needed to make sure this was clear between them right now. She wasn't going to put her face down into the comforter, and she wasn't going to ask him to hold her there. She didn't want to do that and knew he wouldn't want to either. That wasn't what this was about.
This was about taking something else back, and taking it back with him. She wanted them both to know that they could have sex this way, that it wasn't off-limits, that they could enjoy each other without worry and without hesitation, that he could do what he wanted with her body because she wanted him to.
"I don't want you to be gentle, Jax," she murmured, letting her hand slide up his chest and feeling it rise and fall with stuttered movements.
His eyes pinned into her, studying her face carefully, but the rest of him was still as stone - save for the way his chest heaved against her palm.
They'd had rough sex before, but not like this, not the kind she was asking for, and he seemed to realize that right around the time his eyebrows lifted into his forehead. She had a pretty good feeling he'd planned on some slow, gentle love-making tonight, and that was all fine and good - but later. That wasn't what she wanted from him right now.
"Don't hold back, okay?" she instructed with a light smile, and that smile only deepened when he frowned at her. "I'm not gonna break. And I want you to know that. Do what you want…please."
Jax held still, his feet rooted into the carpet. Deep lines creased his forehead and his chest only seemed to heave more rapidly now, rising and falling like he barely had a handle on his control.
And finally, his voice rumbled lowly in his throat, "Define do what you want."
Her lips curled into a soft grin as she moved up to her knees on the edge of the bed, reaching out to pull him in until his knees were flush with the bed so she could wrap an arm around his neck. His hands closed around her hips, pulling her against him ever so slightly.
"Just do whatever you want, Jax. I want you to."
He blew out an exasperated breath, his face twisting a little desperately. "No, Allie, I really need you to tell me what that means. Fuckin' spell it out if you have to, but you gotta give me a better idea of what you really want here. I'll give it to you, baby. I will. I just wanna make sure I understand what you really want me to do."
So, now it was back on her, and that was fair. She knew what she wanted him to do, and it probably wasn't fair of her to give him such vague, wide-reaching instructions in the first place. He needed specifics. That was good, and it mattered to her that he'd hit the brakes here too. That he needed her to be clear. It said just as much about him and the way he felt about her than anything else he could ever say or do.
"I want you to be rough," Allie told him quietly, moving her hands from his shoulders to his face. "Really rough is okay. It might be better than okay."
He nodded tightly, a hard line ticking down his jaw.
"I want you to go fast - so fast that after we come, it takes us five minutes to catch our breath."
He nodded again, but this time the side of his mouth lifted at the corner.
"I want to feel…" she trailed off again, searching for the right words, and then she just came out with it: "I want you to be in control. We'll both know that it's because I gave it to you, because I want you to have it this time. I want you to touch me anywhere, say anything you want, do anything you want - grab me, pull me, whip me around, I don't care. If you don't want me on my hands and knees the whole time, that's okay. I just want you behind me. That's important to me this time. I just…I want to feel consumed by you, Jax."
That was the heart of it, really. That was what she really wanted.
His eyes were almost pitch-black. His chest heaved against her skin, rising and falling so rapidly now she was a little worried about his heart. His gaze pinned right through her, holding her onto the bed, holding her still.
Then he spoke again, murmuring hoarsely, "What about your hair? Can I put my hands in your hair? On your head?"
Her lips curved into a soft smile and she nodded. "When we're having sex? Yes. I want that. I want you to do that. Especially this time."
Jax nodded again, but his movements were more controlled, more focused now. He cocked an eyebrow at her as his tongue rolled over his bottom lip. "Can I pull it? Would you like that?"
Her chest warmed and tightened at those heady words, and she felt her own breath coming in and out more rapidly now. "Yeah. I think I would like that."
Pretty much the only thing she didn't want him to do was shove her face into the bed and hold her down, but she had a feeling she didn't have to say that out loud. He knew that already. And judging by the heat filling his dark eyes, he knew exactly what she wanted him to do.
"Is that enough?" she whispered breathlessly. "Or do you need more?"
His mouth curled into a devastatingly sexy smirk, and she almost had to squeeze her legs together at the sight. "I think I got it now, baby. But if I do somethin' you don't like or don't want, you gotta tell me right away. I promise I'll stop, but I won't know unless you tell me."
"I know," she told him, tracing her fingertips down his cheek and smiling when his eyes closed at her touch. "If it's too much, or too deep, or something I don't like, I'll tell you. But I trust you, Jax. You trust me too, right?"
He didn't hesitate, nodding immediately underneath her touch, his eyes dark and black and practically glazed over now.
"I wanna have some fun with you. And I wanna do it with you in control because that's what I want. I don't need you to be gentle with me right now, Jax. I just need you."
Jax's jaw ticked down a hard line, but his lips lifted again at the corners, his eyes dropping down to her lips. "Alright, baby. Let's have some fun."
Her heart leapt into her throat when his calloused fingertips skimmed around her waist and gave her a gentle shove to push her back onto the bed. In a flash, his hands were on her hips again, flipping her around, and jerking her hips backward until they hit the hard length behind her.
"Hands on the bed, baby," he murmured, waiting until she did as she was told and then moved forward so he could kneel on the bed behind her.
A sharp thrill shot through her when his hand threaded through her wet hair, yanking her up to press her back against his chest with just enough pressure to be rough, but not hurt her. He'd already found the balance she'd trusted him to find, and now she was practically shaking with anticipation for whatever he was going to do next.
His free arm snaked across her stomach, holding her against his chest even tighter as the hand threaded through her hair pulled her neck back just a touch so he could lean into her ear.
"Let's get a few things clear here," his deep, hoarse voice filled the thick air between them, "I'm gonna fuck you so hard you forget your name. You're a bad girl, baby - my bad girl, and that's what bad girls get."
She sucked in a harsh breath, her heart thundering in her chest as the hand in her hair tightened and pulled until her head fell against his shoulder. His lips closed around her neck, leaving a hot trail around the side of her jaw, turning her head with the hand in her hair and then capturing her mouth with his lips. His tongue demanded entry into her mouth, and her lips parted to give him the access he wanted, letting his tongue spread through her mouth, taking what she was giving him.
Then he abruptly pulled his mouth away so he could murmur against her lips, "You don't come until I say you can come. Got that, baby? I wanna hear you say it."
"Yes," she exhaled breathlessly.
"Yes, what?"
Allie turned her head to find his eyes slicing into her with heat and smoke. "I'll come when you say I can come."
He chuckled into her neck, moving his lips up and down again before murmuring, "Good girl."
His hand slipped out of her hair, giving her another gentle shove until her hands hit the bed in front of her again. Then she felt both of his hands close around her hips, yanking her against his hard cock, and then, before she could recover from that, he slipped inside her in one long, hard purposeful thrust.
Her eyes shot open wide at the delicious sensation of him sliding into her from behind. Oh God, it felt so good. Was this what she'd been missing for the last 13 years? She could have been feeling this way the whole time? Maybe it was just him. She knew it was him. He was just already hitting that spot right at the top inside of her, and it felt too good. Too fucking good. And he hadn't even done anything else yet.
As if he could read her thoughts, his soft voice floated out from behind her, "You like that, baby? Feel good?"
"Yes," she groaned, dropping her head in between her arms as her hips pressed down, pushing him inside her even harder, deeper. "Jax, it feels so good," she almost felt like crying now it felt so good, "Oh my God, it feels good."
That was all he needed to hear. His hands dug into the skin around her hips, bringing them back against him one more time before he unleashed. His movements were raw and primal, and he didn't stop, driving inside her over and over again with the kind of wild abandon that both shocked and thrilled her, hitting the top of her so hard, and so rough, that her vision blurred.
Then she felt his hand on her back again, pushing her down and deeper into the bed, and then his hoarse voice, "Elbows on the bed."
She dropped to her elbows and he jerked her ass higher into the air, giving him better, deeper access.
"Lean into it, baby," he told her, gently pushing against her back again to coax her hips higher in the air. "Yeah, just like that."
And now, each drive inside her was a little different than the one before. Sometimes it was short and quick, sometimes it was long and hard, but each time, her mouth opened wider at all the intense sensations flooding her body and her eyes squeezed shut as it overwhelmed and overtook her one thrust at a time.
"Harder, Jax," she sighed, turning her head to make sure he heard her. "Harder."
He didn't hesitate, driving into her so hard her head bumped into the bed. "Like that, baby? Is that what you want?"
"Yes," she groaned, unable to stop the sounds coming out of her mouth now. "Don't stop."
He paused just long enough to readjust her hips so she was almost completely crouched into the bed with her elbows planted underneath her chest and her ass high in the air. Then he picked up his speed again, driving into her harder and harder each time, until her mouth lobbed open again at the sensation and her hands gripped the comforter underneath her until her knuckles turned white.
"Oh fuck," he breathed out from behind her. "So good, baby. So fuckin' good."
Even through the fog he'd dropped her in, the sound of his voice still cut through everything else. She didn't know how it was possible that, while his movements inside her body were so raw and so rough they skirted right along the edge between pleasure and pain, his voice was still tender and soft, as if he couldn't let himself be rough with her that way. He could do what he wanted with her body, but his hoarse, almost strangled voice still carried the love and the respect and the devotion she knew he had for her.
And with that thought, sparks flew through her, threatening to drive her all the way over to tumble down that black hole.
"Jax, I'm gonna come."
"No, you're not," he grunted back.
That didn't abate the tunnel she found herself barreling toward. "Yes, I am. I'm gonna come."
Suddenly, he abruptly jerked his hips back, drawing his hard cock out of her body, leaving her gasping at the loss.
"Jax!" Allie cried out, looking frantically over her shoulder at him only to find him smirking darkly back at her. "What are you doing?"
"I told you baby," he whispered sexily. "You don't come until I say you can come."
All she could do was huff out a laugh and let her head drop down to her elbows again. Then his hand was in her hair again, gently pulling her up until her back hit his naked chest. Her head dropped back onto his shoulder as she exhaled another exasperated laugh.
"This is mean, Jax."
"Like I fucking care."
A laugh erupted from her throat, even as the hand in her hair turned her head so his mouth could descend on her lips, taking ownership of them one more time. And, as his tongue pushed through her parted lips, he slipped inside her body again, his free arm snaking across her stomach to press her even deeper against his chest so she was all but sitting on his thighs with her back pressed against him.
He drove inside her again, and again, each time harder and deeper than the first, and then finally, mercifully, his lips dropped to her ear, "Come for me, baby."
That was all it took to push her over the edge, to fling her out into that dark oblivion with only shooting stars bursting through her vision. The back of her legs quivered against his thighs as her head fell to his shoulder, the rest of her body succumbing to the waves crashing into her until she shook and jerked against his chest. And as she floated down, gasping and sucking in air, his arms squeezed around her as he buried his face against her neck, his body stiffening behind her and then jerking once, then one more time before his shoulders sagged with relief.
As her chest heaved and her lungs gasped for air, she really did think it might take her five minutes to catch her breath. This was worse than when she came home from her run today. And for a second there, she thought she really did forget her name. Jax's forehead hit the back of her shoulder as he pulled her tighter against him, hugging her to his chest. He didn't seem to be having any easier time catching his breath than she did.
He blew out a deep breath, and then pulled himself out of her body, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her shoulder before letting her collapse on the bed. She fell back against the blankets, her chest still heaving for air, and then he tumbled down to the bed next to her, hitching one of her legs over his hip.
Allie turned her head to find his navy blue eyes glimmering with sated exhaustion and more than a little bit of victory. She laughed breathlessly, reaching out to bring a hand to his cheek.
"You know," she told him in between gasps for breath. "I take back what I said about our first time. That was the best. The best I've ever had in my life."
Jax just huffed out a laugh, his mouth twisting with triumph and pride, and then he squinted one eye shut and then the other. "I'm kinda havin' trouble seein' outta my left eye right now."
She just laughed, leaning in to brush her lips against his mouth. "That's good, right?"
"Better than good," he smirked at her. "I don't know…seein' you on your hands and knees like that did somethin' for me I wasn't expecting."
Her lips curled into a happy smile. "I'm kinda thinking we need to do that every night."
Jax just barked out a laugh, snaking out a hand to bring her in even closer. "Well, all I gotta say is it's a good thing you're on the pill, darlin', because I'm pretty damn sure what we just did, and the way we did it…that is how babies are made."
"Oh God," she laughed, shaking her head at him. "I don't think that's really how it works."
He shrugged easily. "It might be for us."
Allie was still laughing as he leaned in so he could press a soft kiss into her lips, quieting her laugh, and bringing a little bit more tenderness back to this moment.
"Hey, you hungry?" he murmured against her lips. "I don't know about you, but I really worked up an appetite just now."
"Pizza?"
He nodded instantly with a wide grin. "Pizza."
Allie snickered a little as Jax grabbed his fourth piece of pizza and took a big bite. He was well on his way to finishing off the whole thing - he really hadn't been kidding about working up an appetite. When his eyes dropped disapprovingly one more time to her bra and underwear, shaking his head as he chewed, she just snickered again.
He'd thrown his boxer briefs back on when he ran downstairs to get their pizza at the front door, but had been very unhappy to see that, when he got back to their bedroom, she'd put a bra and underwear on. The fact that she'd been careful to pick something sort of see-through and lacy hadn't been enough to deter his unhappiness.
Now, he lifted his eyebrows at her expectantly. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing," she just shrugged.
He shot her a wary side-eye and then took another big bite. "You know, I was just thinkin'...I can't remember the last time I did this."
"Did what?"
"Ate pizza in bed like this - or anything in bed. After I got outta Stockton, beds were just sorta more functional for me than anything, you know? They had a few important purposes, sure, but mainly my bed in my dorm was just there for me to pass out in after getting drunk off my ass in the clubhouse. I kinda forgot how much fun this can be."
"Hmm," she smiled softly. "I think I did too."
He winked at her as he polished off the piece of pizza in his hand, and then reached into the box for another one. There was a question right on the tip of her tongue, but she wasn't quite sure if this was the time or the place to ask it. They'd never really talked about that before, but now, in light of everything that had happened between them, she had a feeling she could ask him just about anything she wanted, and he'd answer her honestly and directly.
"Hey, Jax?"
His lips lifted at the corners at the sound of her voice. "Yeah, baby?"
She sucked in a deep breath, and just came out with it. "What was it like? Being there?"
Jax quirked an eyebrow at her. "In Stockton?"
"Yeah. I can't imagine it was easy."
His eyes dropped down to their pizza box, and then he set the piece of pizza in his hand back in the box and wiped his hands with a slight shake of his head. "No, it wasn't easy. Six months - it doesn't seem very long when you're on the outside, just comin' and goin' and livin' your life the way you always have, but on the inside…every day feels like a month."
She'd been well aware when she first started working for the club that five of its members had gotten sentenced to Stockton about eight months before, and the charges that had put them there, Jax included, were gun-related. At the time, she hadn't dug into the details, even though they were readily available in court records, because she just hadn't wanted to know. Hadn't felt like she really needed to know anyway.
Allie was already aware who she was signing up to work for, what they did, who they were, and she hadn't needed any additional evidence to convince her that working for the club held some danger. That the people she would be working for, including her former step-brother, were convicted criminals who engaged in illegal activity on a regular basis.
They were trying to change that. She knew it better than anyone. But still…they were who they were, and it was what it was.
And now, here she was, with one of those convicted criminals in her bed. Not to mention the fact that she was very much in love with that convicted criminal. She'd certainly never anticipated this when she first agreed to work for the club.
It was a huge risk, on so many levels. But it was a risk she'd also taken with both eyes open, even if the reality wasn't quite as clear as it was becoming now.
"It's kinda like time stands still when you're in there," Jax was saying now. "And you don't really know if an hour or a week has passed. And, I'm not gonna lie, Allie, it was dangerous for us in there. It wasn't just the fact that the Nords prez was a cell block away from us - it was everyone else too that was a threat, the guards included. Now, thinkin' back on it, and just how every day I woke up wonderin' if that was the day someone was gonna come at me…it kinda feels like a miracle only one of us got hit, instead of all of us."
It was right on the tip of her tongue to ask him what was going to happen now. She felt certain, more than certain, that the club had come to the same conclusion she did - that they couldn't take any information their private investigator had given them as legitimate or real. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. But she didn't know where all this left the club in terms of finding their former president's murderer.
No one needed to tell her what they'd planned to do with him if they found him. An outlaw motorcycle club didn't hire a private investigator to find the man who shivved their former president in prison just so they could give him a beating. Maybe that was one thing she had turned a blind eye to because it really wasn't any of her business, and it had happened long before the club offered her a job.
The fact she was even skating this line of morality…that she had even been willing to look the other way then, long before the prospect of her and Jax as a couple was even a possibility…she wasn't quite sure how to feel about it. Didn't know what that said about her as a human being either.
But that question died on her lips. If she asked it, he just might feel compelled to tell her what they also planned to do with their private investigator, now that they knew who he really was, and what he was. She wasn't so sure she wanted to know.
Now, almost as if he had a pretty good idea where her mind had just drifted off too, she felt his fingertips underneath her chin to tilt her face up to him.
"Allie," he told her softly. "I'm never going back there, okay? I'm just not."
Her shoulders sagged and all she could do was shake her head at him. "Please don't make me a promise you might not be able to keep. We both know it's not out of the realm of possibility - at least right now."
Jax blew out a heavy sigh, scrubbed his face with his hands, and then when his eyes found her again, he rolled over until he could tuck her underneath his arm and hold her close to his chest.
"Alright," he murmured against her cheek. "That's fair. But I will promise you that I'll do everything I can to keep myself out of there. Is that better?"
She nodded, letting her nose brush back and forth against his face. And now, with his strong arms wrapped protectively around her, it felt like the right time. They could talk about it. This was okay.
"You know," she smiled, dipping her head down to press her forehead into his cheek. "I was just thinking about what a risk this is for me - being with you."
Jax pulled his head back a little so he could look her in the eye. "What does that mean, Allie?"
She smiled again, letting one of her fingertips trace down his cheek. "Not what you're thinking, at least not exactly. I understand that there are…physical risks in being with you. I also understand that you would do everything in your power to keep anything from happening to me."
The second those words fell from her lips, she realized just how true they were. If he had a bigger target on his back than anyone else in the club, then so did she. There was no getting around it - as the president's old lady, she'd be more visible than any other woman in the clubhouse, Gemma included. There were certain risks that came with that too. And she really did believe, with everything she had, that he would throw himself in front of a wall of bullets if he had to, if that would keep her safe.
He already had.
Jax nodded then, even though he was still frowning down at her.
"I'm talking about the emotional risks and all the ways I could get hurt. Well, could've gotten hurt by you. When I first moved to LA, I started seeing a therapist who - let's just say I didn't really see eye to eye with."
She laughed a little at that, but the frown on Jax's face only deepened. His arms tightened around her as he leaned in to brush his lips against the side of her forehead.
"It took me a little while to admit I needed to talk to someone," she sighed heavily. "I was having trouble sleeping, and in the end, my sleep deprivation won out over my pride."
"Do you still have trouble sleeping?"
"Sometimes," Allie smiled softly. "But not so much lately."
His head dipped up and down in a subtle nod as his lips lifted at the corners before he brushed them against her forehead again. "Me too, baby."
"All I really wanted from her was a prescription for Ambien or something, you know?" she laughed at the memory. "I didn't really want to sit in her office and talk about my feelings. I knew what I felt, how I felt and why, and I didn't need to pay some shrink $300 an hour to tell me what I thought I already knew."
He huffed out a light laugh, but his arms still tightened around her.
"But I did the thing she wanted me to do, and she didn't like that I only talked to her in generalities, not the specifics of what had happened and why. She told me I wasn't being honest with myself. That I wasn't really going to be able to heal until I said the things I didn't want to say. And that, while a healthy risk here and there was okay, the coping mechanisms I'd chosen weren't healthy."
"How were you coping?"
She just lifted a shoulder. "She said that because I wasn't properly handling my trauma - which was also a word I didn't like hearing - I was becoming more prone to workaholic tendencies and antisocial behavior, not to mention my alcohol aversion, as she described it, and that I was using sexual promiscuity as a replacement for real intimacy."
Jax's eyebrows lifted in surprise, and she laughed at his reaction.
"I did not care for that, as I'm sure you can imagine."
"I'll bet," he smiled back at her.
"So I took my prescription for Ambien, and was all like, fuck you, Dr. Stephenson, you don't know me. And then I just sort of kept doing what I was doing because it worked for me. It was easier to lose myself in school and only deal with the opposite sex when I wanted an orgasm, and then it was really easy in law school, and then, after I graduated, my habits were my habits, you know?"
He nodded again, lifting one of the arms around her waist so he could touch his thumb to her chin. "Allie, you're the strongest person I've ever met. I have no idea how you managed to just pick up the way you did and start over and just keep going. You didn't let it own you, baby. You went after the life you wanted and you just kept going. I'm so fucking proud of you for that...I don't know if I'll be able to find the words to explain it to you."
"I know what you mean," she smiled softly. "But I think, over these last few weeks with you, I think I've started to realize that Dr. Stephenson was actually right. Maybe her bedside manner could use some work, but she was right about me. I just wasn't ready to hear it. Wasn't ready to say it. And, Jax, I think...I feel like telling you today, really describing it from start to finish, I feel a little bit like that set me free. I think I needed to say it, and to you, specifically."
His lips lifted at the corners again, loving her, supporting her, understanding her. All the things she'd always needed but had just never wanted to admit.
"I see now that some of the things I was doing, some of the choices I made…" she explained. "Maybe it was okay for a certain period of time to just get through it, but those never should've become long-term habits. I was just sort of moving from day to day, working for my dad, focused on that work, and then I'd come home and have dinner with Dan, and pull up that dating app on my phone whenever I felt like it. And that was pretty much it."
Jax nodded again, his eyes filling with understanding and support.
"That's not to say I was really unhappy or anything, but I think I just didn't realize how much I was just existing through my life until recently. And one thing Dr. Stephenson did say that really stuck with me was that I shouldn't be afraid to take a risk, to put myself out there to get hurt because life is meant to be felt, not just lived. At the time, I laughed and told her that was bullshit."
His lips curled into a sexy smirk as he tipped his chin to her in understanding.
"And I think what I've realized," she told him gently, "is that all these habits I'd fallen into were really just risk-aversion. To keep everything and everyone that could hurt me at arms' length. The only people I ever really let in were my dad, Dan, and Ope, and that was really because they didn't give me much of a choice, you know? If Ope hadn't called me through the years and kept tabs on me, kept inviting me to things, kept me in his life…we probably would go years without speaking and I probably would've been okay with that because I've always just preferred to be alone anyway. I mean, how many adults do you know that can honestly say they only have one friend? Dan is the best friend I could've ever asked for, but he's really the only one I have. That's just not normal, Jax."
His lips quirked a little. "I don't count?"
"You and I were never friends, Jax," Allie huffed out a laugh. "Not in high school, not after, and definitely not when we first started working together."
"What about now?"
She lifted her eyebrows at him. "We're friends, sure, but we're not just friends who also sleep together. There was always something more between us and you know that."
"I guess that's fair."
Allie just smiled back at him. "What I'm trying to say here is that I didn't realize what I'd done to myself, how I was holding myself back, how I was just sort of existing, until that day I walked into my dad's office and there you were - sitting in that chair like you owned the place, wearing that president patch like a flag, glaring at me like my very presence in that room pissed you off, and my heart just kind of went, oh, there you are. I think I hated you on sight because of it."
He swallowed hard, his eyes swimming even as his lips curled into a knowing grin.
"So being with you…that's a real risk for me. To willingly put myself in a position where I could just get completely obliterated by you. And I think now we both have a better understanding of why. And it's a calculated risk though, right? To just let myself feel this way because after a certain point, you became the one thing that was actually worth the risk. That was worth the potential pain and the crushing heartbreak. That thing I couldn't live without. I feel every second of every day that we've spent together, and I think that's why I spiralled the way I did that day we fought in my office. I feel everything when I'm with you, and it's been a really long time since I've let myself do that. But I don't care about that risk anymore because being with you, Jax.. .you've helped me actually feel my life again instead of just living it."
His eyes filled again and he jerked the hand away from her cheek to pinch the bridge of his nose, rolling onto his back and tucking her against his chest. His beautiful face twisted with everything she'd already seen there today - love, devastation, pain, heartbreak, disbelief...it was all there. And she knew he felt all those things right now because of the way he felt when he was with her.
Suddenly, though, his hand fell away from his face, and his eyes dropped to her, studying her carefully, memorizing this moment with his eyebrows knitted together in concentration. Then he leaned in, pressing his lips into her mouth, deepening the kiss as he rolled on top of her, grinding his hips, and the hardness she found there, in between her legs until she sighed against his mouth.
"I don't know how to explain the way I feel right now, Allie," he murmured into her cheek. "So I'm just gonna show you instead. Is that okay?"
Her lips curled into a smile against his mouth as she nodded, and then he didn't waste any time. His fingers slid down her sides, slipping underneath her panties to push them to her thighs before he whipped them down her calves and sent them flying in the air. She laughed against his lips, even as he raised her arms up so he could pull her bra over her head before tossing that over his shoulder. He didn't give her a chance to even move her hands toward his boxer briefs because he was already kicking them off by the time her fingers brushed his hips.
"I love you," he murmured against her lips. "Everything I am, everything I wanna be, everything I'm gonna be, it's all yours, Allie."
And before she could recover from that, he slipped inside her, so gently, and so tenderly, tears pricked her eyes. His lips left a trail down her neck as his movements, slow and passionate, carried her away again. He lifted his head away from her neck to meet her in the eye, and she smiled when she saw that his navy blue eyes were swimming with tears too. It wasn't just her that felt her life when she was with him - she knew that. He didn't need to tell her that. She was perfectly content to have him show her that instead.
As her hands slid up his back, his hips moved against her with more purpose than before, like if he could just hit the right spot, over and over again, then she would know what he couldn't find the words to say, even if she didn't need that from him. He was going to give it to her anyway.
"I know, Jax," she whispered in his ear. "I love you too."
That only spurred him on, his movements grinding against her with more determination, and she let him show her his love for her, his faith in her, his trust in her, and everything else he didn't have the words to say.
Allie stirred in her sleep the next morning, sighing through that lingering exhaustion that could only be brought on by the night she'd just had. She wasn't sure what time they'd actually passed out in bed because all sense of time had just sort of disappeared with him last night. The arm slung across her waist tightened reflexively as she smiled into her pillow. There was no way she wanted to get up yet, but maybe they had some time before her alarm would go off.
And just as she started to reach for her phone on her nightstand to check the time, Jax groaned alongside her, pulling her back to him, "Don't even think about it."
"Come on," she laughed. "I just want to see what time it is."
"Uh huh, so you can get up and get ready for work? No way, baby."
Allie laughed into her pillow again as Jax reached around her, snatched her phone off her nightstand, promptly switched it on silent, and then tossed it into her closet. Then he rolled over, planting one muscled arm at the side of her head so he could stare down at her with sleepy, hooded blue eyes.
"You can go in late one day, Allie," he smirked down at her. "Nobody is gonna care if you don't show up on time today, especially not your dad. Just gimme a couple more hours."
"And what will you do with these hours, should I decide to give them to you?"
A cocky grin spread across his handsome face, and he proved his point by dipping his hips against her ever so slightly. "For one, you've already decided you're gonna give 'em to me. You're just playin' hard to get right now 'cuz it's a cute little game you like to play with me - and I'm only sayin' it's cute 'cuz it's cute you think you can win. And two - there's a certain number of times I wanna make you come before I let you outta this bed, and we haven't hit that number yet, baby."
She narrowed her eyes at him from over her shoulder, but he just leaned in, with his arm still planted next to her head, and his growing erection pressing against her ass.
"And how many times is that?" she said futilely. She knew he wasn't about to tell her, but it was worth a shot.
"Well," he smirked down at her, grinding his hips against her again just for good measure. "How many have there been so far, Allie? I know you didn't lose count."
She laughed into her pillow, letting her eyes flit shut at the sensations coming from behind her. "Does the tub count?"
"Sure."
Alright, so in the tub. On her bed, with his head in between her legs. On her hands and knees with him behind her. On her back, practically on top of the pizza box. On her hands and knees again a little bit after that, nowhere as rough and hard as the first time but still just as much fun. And one more time on her back, against the pillows, sweetly and gently before they passed out wrapped around each other. So that was…
"Six."
His eyebrows lifted suggestively as his lips curled into a sexy smirk. "Sounds about right. I'm not done yet though. Just gimme a couple more hours, and I'll get it."
"You're crazy."
"Damn right, baby," he laughed, leaning down to brush his lips against her neck, with his upper body still propped up by his muscular arms, and ground his hips against her ass again, murmuring, "You ever done it like this before?"
She was too distracted by his movements to really register his question. "Hmm?"
"On your side," he murmured against her lips, "from behind."
All she could do was shake her head, already too turned on by the very idea, let alone the actual act itself.
"That's what I thought," Jax whispered in her ear. "Wanna give it a try? See if you like it as much as you like it on your hands and knees?"
"Only if you promise to go easy on me," she huffed out a laugh, even as he ground his hips into her again and leaned in to let his lips leave a trail down her neck. "I may not be able to walk into my office today if you keep this up."
"Hey, you just hop onto my back and I'll give ya a piggy-back ride all the way to your office if I have to," he grinned down at her. "I guess I really did go for it that first time, huh?"
"As was requested."
Jax huffed out a laugh, not missing the opportunity to hover over her again with one arm propped up on the mattress by her head, and sent his free hand down her back, drifting lower and lower until it curved around her ass to give it a little squeeze.
"I was happy to oblige, baby."
Allie turned her head so she could smile softly at him. "I know you're gonna tell me I don't need to thank you for that, but I'm going to anyway. Thank you for listening to me, and for not questioning me or trying to talk me out of it."
His lips curled sexily as he leaned in to brush them against her jaw. "I'm not gonna lie and tell you I didn't love every second of it 'cuz I did, but if I'm being completely honest, Allie, I did have a moment, right at the beginning of all that, when I almost tried to talk you out of it."
"I know," she smiled over her shoulder. "I could tell. But I'm glad you didn't. I just...I needed us both to know we could do that, and do it that way, and that it was okay."
"I get it, baby," Jax told her softly, leaning in to drop a gentle kiss on her shoulder. "I would've been gentle with you if you hadn't told me different. I just…"
"The last thing I want is for you to think sex has to be different between us now. I mean, I don't know. Maybe it is different, but in a better way."
He smirked down at her with sparkling eyes. "I told ya I couldn't see outta one eye for a little bit, and I wasn't kidding."
She bit down on her bottom lip to hide her smug grin. "I liked it when you pulled my hair."
"I know you did," he murmured again, dipping lower to press his lips against her mouth. "I liked it too. So does that mean it's on the table? Whenever I want, as long as your lips aren't wrapped around my cock?"
"I wouldn't say whenever you want," she threw him a side-eye from over her shoulder. "There's a time and a place for it, Jax."
"Duly noted, captain," he grinned down at her, grinding his hips into her again as a well-timed reminder of what he was really after here. "I promise I'll go easy on you, baby. The last thing I'd ever wanna do is hurt you."
"Okay, Jax."
That was all he needed to hear. He dropped to his side so he was lying behind her again, and his hand snaked down her stomach, drifted down between her thighs to gently nudge her legs apart.
"Open up for me a little bit, baby," he murmured against her neck, the hand on the inside of her thigh coaxing it open a little further and she did as she was told, spreading her legs apart on her side so he could ease into her slowly and gently.
Even then, slow and gentle, there was still a little bit of a burn, a little bit of a soreness that had an aftershock, and she sucked in a harsh breath at the impact.
"You alright? Is this okay?"
She tensed a little bit when he moved again, easing in and out of her with movements that were so practiced, so focused they really should be a crime. And now some of that burning sensation was ebbing away, making room for something else.
"It hurts a little," she admitted, turning her head, finding him watching her with careful eyes. "But it's okay. It feels good, Jax."
He tipped his chin to her with a smirk, grinding his hips against her again, making her close her eyes at the heady feeling at how he could be so deep inside her and hit every spot she needed him to, but still be so gentle at the same time. Suddenly, he was lifting his upper body up again, dropping an arm next to her head to prop himself up, gyrating his hips achingly slow to drive into her that much deeper so that he was the one practically on his hands and knees now. The arm propped up at her head dropped to her right hip, keeping her firmly on her side as his lower body moved up and down like he was dancing into her hips with no music.
"Oh my God," she exhaled into the pillow. "How can it feel that good? Oh my God, Jax, how do you make it feel so good?"
He leaned in to murmur in her ear, "Maybe you just do somethin' to me, baby."
Just when his body continued its ministrations against her hips and inside her, a door opened and closed from the first floor. And then they heard it:
"Allie?" Dan called out. "You weren't answering your phone! I tried to call! I really did! Are you guys upstairs?"
"Oh no," she groaned into her pillow, laughing when he just didn't stop. "Jax, our door's open…"
"I don't give a fuck."
"Jax!"
He paused just long enough to tip his head back, and yell toward the open bedroom door, "Yo, Dan?"
"Yeah, friend?"
Allie just buried her face in her pillow, halfway between laughing and mortification, and right on the edge of coming.
"Can you get lost for a little bit?" Jax bellowed out, and then he lifted his hips into her again, making her groan into the pillow.
"Are you having sex with our sweet little Alexandra right now?" Dan called back from the living room.
"Sure am, bro."
Allie slapped a hand over her eyes. Mortification. That's where she was at right now - the humor, and the impending orgasm? That was gone now. She shot out an arm behind her, flailing aimlessly to try to smack him in the chest but missed the first time. She got him on the second try, and he just bit down on his bottom lip with heat in his eyes.
"Okay," Dan called out again. "I'll be back in an hour, but when I get back, we're having a family meeting."
"Sounds good, bro. Now get the fuck out of here."
"Okay, bye! Have fun!"
Her shoulders were shaking with laughter now, even as his movements picked up a gentle speed again. He was still leaning into her on his knees, dipping his body low and propping himself up with his arms alongside her head, and then one of his arms dropped back down to her hips to tilt them up a little, giving him deeper, better access inside.
"Oh my God," she groaned into her pillow again. "How, Jax? How are you doing this right now? This is insane."
"Does it feel good, baby?"
"Yes."
All she needed was another 30 seconds of this, of him leaning down to her on his hands and knees, all but gyrating against her, lifting his hips all the way up, and then back down again, but slowly and gently, with a tenderness and a carefulness that made her heart sing too, and then that was it. He flung her over the edge again as she buried her face in her pillow, letting her body tremble and shake against the mattress until she was completely spent, every limb turning into liquid underneath her. About a second later, he groaned, and then stiffened behind her, the arms around her head tremoring ever so slightly around her.
"I don't…" she exhaled breathlessly, her face still pressed into her pillow. "I don't need to know what you were doing or how you were doing it or where the hell you learned how to do it but...that was crazy, Jax."
"Crazy good?"
"Yes."
He dropped to his side again with a satisfied chuckle, keeping a hand firmly on her hip as he settled back against his pillow. "I will admit it's a move that's taken some practice, but the only one I've wanted to practice it with is you."
Allie just shook her head through her laugh, too sated, and too exhausted to react too strongly to any part of what he'd just said, so she just collapsed against her pillow.
"That's it, Jax," she moaned into her pillow. "That's all I can take. I don't care if that wasn't the number. I think seven is plenty. More than plenty."
He sighed heavily, trailing a light finger down her cheek. "Hmm, I disagree, but I suppose I see your point. Next time, baby. I'll get it next time."
About 20 minutes later, they made their way down the stairs, knowing Dan was probably on his way back to the house. Jax snickered a little as he trailed behind her, and she narrowed her eyes at him over her shoulder, a little wary about what he was laughing at - the fact that she'd thrown the T-shirt he'd been wearing yesterday on and it was about six sizes too big, the fact that she was walking pretty stiffly, and probably would be for the rest of the day, or the fact that once again, he was literally behind her.
And finally, with eyes narrowed, she called over her shoulder, "What are you laughing at?"
His eyes just sparkled back at her. "Nothin', baby. You hungry?"
"Of course I'm hungry. Aren't you?"
His hands settled around her shoulders as he laughed again, steering her around the staircase and headed right for the kitchen. "I don't know about you, but I'm pretty fuckin' ravenous right now."
She just rolled her eyes at him, but not before drinking in the sight of him shirtless in her kitchen. This was something she'd been wanting to see for a while, and maybe now, after the night they'd just had, they just didn't care anymore if he walked around half-dressed, even if Dan was going to be around, because this was his home too. She wanted him to be comfortable here too.
Just as she got a pot of coffee going, Jax shocked her by rifling through the refrigerator and coming back out with a carton of eggs. She must've been openly gaping at him because he cocked an eyebrow at her, a lazy smirk slipping across his face.
"What? One of us has to make breakfast and we both know it's not gonna be you."
He shot her a wink from over his shoulder, and then got to work on their breakfast. She could only drop down on one of the barstools, wincing a little at the stiffness between her legs, as he rummaged through a few cabinets until he found a pan, set it on top of the stove, and turned the burner on.
"You want 'em scrambled?" he called over his shoulder.
"Sure," she grinned. Her smile only deepened when she really let herself take in the sight of him with his back to her, his Reaper tattoo on full display, his blonde hair mussed and sticking up in some places around his head, with just a pair of shorts slung around his hips and a spatula in his hand.
Then, when the coffee maker beeped next to him, he didn't hesitate, reaching over to open the cabinet to grab two mugs. He silently poured some coffee into both before shifting on his heel to pass her a steaming mup from across the center island between them.
He winked at her again, then shifted back to the stove, working on their breakfast by cracking a few eggs and dropping them into the sizzling pan.
"I didn't know you could cook," Allie smiled again, taking a sip from her mug and closing her eyes at this feeling. The intimacy of this moment was almost too much for her to handle right now...her man, in their kitchen, making her breakfast after a night of marathon sex, not to mention one more time this morning, and she just...this was just it. This was the rest of her life, right here, in this kitchen, in this moment, and tears stung her eyes just at the thought.
He really was everything she'd ever needed him to be.
"Well," he was saying now from over his shoulder. "It's not like scrambled eggs are exactly hard to make. Besides, I was a prospect once - I've made a lot of breakfasts for hungover bikers. Sure, that was a long time ago, but eggs sorta became my speciality."
"Didn't realize bikers sat around and had breakfast together."
"After a night at the clubhouse?" he glanced at her from over his shoulder with a laugh. "Sometimes the only way we know anyone is still alive is if they show up at the bar for breakfast the next morning. There's been a few times we've had to go lookin' for someone if they're not at the bar with everyone else just to make sure they're still breathing."
"I can imagine. Sounds like things can get pretty wild there."
Now, he glanced over his shoulder again with a sly smirk. "Sure. But it's fun. You think you might wanna spend a Friday night there with me anytime soon?"
Her lips parted to respond, but the words died on her tongue. There was a part of her that really wanted to, if only because she knew how happy that would make him. At the same time, it just wasn't something she felt comfortable with yet. Especially now, when she knew everyone knew and she was going to have to deal with the looks, whatever those looks were, in addition to everything else they probably already felt where her role in the club was concerned. She just wasn't quite ready to face all that yet.
And then if she was really being honest with herself, she just didn't like the idea of spending a night in that bed in his dorm. It shouldn't matter to her because it didn't matter to him - she knew that, but it did. That was where he'd had every other woman who'd ever come before her, for the most part, and being in that bed just didn't...it just didn't sit right with her. She knew how unfair that was. After all, she'd had men in her bed before Jax too, and here they were, spending every night in it together, save for Fridays when he needed to be at the clubhouse. But she just couldn't help it.
It was one thing to know there had been many, many women before her. That really had never been much of an issue for her because she knew she was the last one, just like he knew he was the last one for her. But it was a whole other thing to spend a night in the same bed all those many, many other women had been in before her. The same sheets, same mattress...same man. She didn't really want to do that, but she also didn't know how to tell him that without sounding crazy. Or possessive. Or paranoid.
"You know what?" Jax smiled at her. "I can see the wheels in that smart brain turning. I know you're not ready to believe me just yet, but I can tell you it's gonna be just fine. We just gotta get the first one outta the way. And hey, if we're in my dorm, we don't have to worry about roommates bargin' in when I'm deep inside you like this morning. No interruptions, no havin' to share a bathroom or anything like that. It could be fun, baby, if you let yourself have it."
Allie narrowed her eyes at him, even as he set a plate of scrambled eggs in front of her on the island. She eyed him warily as he carried his own plate around the island, nudging her off her barstool only to plop down where she'd just been sitting. Then he pulled her onto his lap, nonchalantly shoveling a forkful of eggs in his mouth. She winced again at the pressure from this position, adjusting her hips so she could sit on top of him more comfortably.
Jax caught her movements immediately, quirking his eyebrows at her slyly, but she just shook her head at him.
"Don't even say it."
He just lifted a shoulder, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her against his chest. "I'd say I feel bad but...that would be a lie. I'm not sorry at all."
Allie just shook her head at him, and opened her mouth to sass back at him, but quickly shut it when the door by the garage opened and closed.
"Hello?" Dan called out cautiously from the hallway. "Are you decent? I really just mean Allie."
Jax's shoulders shook around her, and he leaned in to murmur, "Maybe I should go put on a shirt."
"Too late now, Jax," she grinned over her shoulder. "You came downstairs knowing full well he was coming back."
"Well?" Dan tried again, a little more impatience coloring his voice now. "I hear voices."
"It's fine, Dan," Allie called out with a laugh. "We're decent."
Two seconds later, Dan appeared in the hallway as he moved toward the kitchen, his eyes flashing deviously when he got a good look at the shirtless, muscled Adonis sitting on a barstool at their kitchen island.
"Well," Dan quirked an eyebrow at them, sidling up to the other side of the island as he tilted his head at the sight of Allie nestled in Jax's lap. "You two look cozy. I take it you had a good night last night. I already know you had a good morning."
"We did," Allie grinned back at him, her heart fluttering in her chest when Jax rested his chin on her shoulder. "How was your night? You said something about having a family meeting? Everything okay?"
Dan huffed out a bitchy cackle, his eyebrows high in his forehead. "I'm kinda surprised you remember that, Alexandra. You know, considering."
At least she had the good sense to be a little embarrassed, with some heat flushing to her cheeks. Jax just shrugged nonchalantly, leaning forward to shovel another forkful of eggs into his mouth.
"Anyway," Dan pressed on, and Allie felt her eyes narrow at him. He was fidgeting a little. Like he was antsy about something. Like he was trying to keep himself from jumping up and down in front of them.
"What's going on?" Allie frowned. "You're being weird."
Dan's lips curled into a happy grin and he bit down on his bottom lip like he just couldn't contain himself. "Okay. Okay. So, this morning, I woke up in bed with my boyfriend, right?"
Allie's frown only deepened, and she glanced over her shoulder to find Jax listening with a light smile playing on his lips, like this whole thing was amusing to him.
"Okay," she replied slowly.
"And then. And then," Dan grinned from ear to ear, dipping his knees down in barely-bridled excitement. "My boyfriend turned to me and said, I don't want to go another day without knowing you're my husband."
Allie's jaw dropped open, her eyes wide. Even Jax had stilled underneath her, the fork in his hand frozen in mid-air.
"Can you believe that? I mean, can you believe it? I'm engaged!"
At this point, she'd completely lost the ability to speak. This was...there was just...she was flailing around for the words but couldn't find them.
"Oh, don't look so horrified, Alexandra," Dan chided her, but that elated smile still hadn't left his face. "Are you gonna be my best friend and get over here and hug me or what?"
Without hesitation, she slipped off Jax's lap to side-step around the island, until she could wrap her arms around her best friend and squeeze him tight.
"Congratulations," she whispered. "I'm so happy for you."
"Are you really?" Dan laughed in her ear. "I know exactly what you're thinking right now."
Allie blew out a quick breath to school her reaction into an appropriate smile, deciding to give him what he was looking for as she stepped aside so Jax could clap Dan on the shoulder and bring him in for a bro-hug.
"Congrats, bro," Jax grinned at him. "That's great news. It really is. We're really happy for you, aren't we, Allie?"
She was momentarily paralyzed again by the reality of what was happening here until Jax nudged her back to life with his elbow. Shaking herself out of it, she pressed another smile to her face and nodded.
"Yeah, Dan. We are."
Dan just narrowed his eyes playful at her. "I know what you're thinking. You're thinking we've only been together a few weeks and that we probably don't even know each other that well and that marriage is for suckers who like pain and legal fees, but let me tell you something, Alexandra," now he jabbed a finger at her, "you were dating this sexy biker man here all of what, two days? Maybe three? And then, bam, you're his teeny tiny little biker wife."
Allie's eyes widened, and even though her mouth dropped open, there were just no words for that. Jax, for his part, was leaning into the island now on his elbows, bringing his knuckles up to his mouth to hide his shit-eating grin.
"So I'm not sure you can really put your little foot down about this," Dan informed her smugly. "Because that would make you a hypocrite. And yes, I said biker wife," he jerked a hand at Jax, whose shoulders were shaking with laughter now, "because in his world, that's exactly what you are. So you, my friend, are in no position to judge me for knowing what I want, just like you, and not wanting to waste any time."
Dan glanced at Jax once, and then did a quick double-take at his bare chest before batting his hands in Jax's direction. "I want to be married to him, Allie. And I don't think I should have to explain myself to you, especially not when you've already done the exact same thing - just because your biker marriage isn't technically legal doesn't make it any less of one. I want him to be my husband, and so that's what we're gonna do."
Allie blew out a deep breath, and inhaled one more time just to get a handle on herself. There were so many things she wanted to say, no scream at him right now it wasn't funny, but she could see, judging by the determination and the happiness on her best friend's face that there was just no reasoning with him. No rationalizing. No convincing. She'd known he'd fallen head over heels for Adrian just as quickly, if not quicker, than the way she'd fallen for Jax. She'd figured this would happen eventually...but not this fast. Not this soon.
She'd thought they would all have a little more time to co-exist in this house as roommates and friends and hang out together - even though Jax seemed more than a little frustrated by the arrangement from time to time, she liked it. She liked having them all under the same roof, almost like a little family, mainly because she'd never really had that before, at least not as an adult...and now that was going to come to an end so much sooner than she'd thought, than she was really ready for.
"I get it, Dan," she smiled softly. "I really do. If you love him, if he's what you want, I'm not gonna try to talk you out of it," and then, because she just couldn't help herself, "but I am going to talk you into a prenup, whether you like it or not."
Dan's lips curled back into a bitchy snarl as Jax shifted on his weight on the island so he could lift his eyebrows at her.
"Jesus," Jax muttered. "Way to kill the romance, darlin'."
"No shit," Dan shot back.
Allie just shrugged easily, probably a little too easily for their liking, but she didn't care. "As your live-in legal counsel, Daniel, I would not be doing my job if I didn't stress the importance of that particular agreement for this particular occasion."
Dan narrowed his dark eyes at her before dropping them to Jax, who just shook his head with amusement twisting his lips.
"Alright," Dan allowed coolly. "I'll see your prenup, and raise you an officiant."
Allie's mouth dropped open, and she was acutely aware that Jax was now looking between the two of them from his vantage point on the counter with his eyebrows lifted high into his head and an evil smile on his face as he took in the show.
"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" Allie muttered to Jax.
His blue eyes just sparkled back at her. "Baby, you have no idea."
She only had time to narrow her eyes at him before Dan launched into it.
"You know, friend," Dan started easily, his mouth curling into a sly grin. "I should really be thanking you for kicking me out before because that extra hour I had just now gave me plenty of time to start getting the moving pieces all in the right place. I already called Jimmy and worked out all the details for next weekend and -"
"Whoa," Allie held out a hand, her eyes wide. "Hold on. Next weekend?"
"Yeah," Dan shrugged way too easily. "That's when Jimmy'd planned the wrap party for our little boxing franchise, and I figured, everyone we'd invite is gonna be there anyway and he's already got the food and the drinks and the music all set. We'd probably just do it at the studio no matter what, and this just sorta felt perfect, you know? Like it was just sort of meant to work out this way and everything's just falling into place. And," he nodded slyly to Jax, "your club is invited, of course."
"Of course," Jax grinned back.
"Besides," Dan added with a smirk. "What better way to celebrate a big gay porn franchise than with a big gay wedding?"
Allie rubbed the back of her neck, grimacing through her disbelief. Sure, the logic of it made sense - at least the specifics of the party were already set, and all Dan and Adrian had to do was piggyback on the party with their wedding but...that was next weekend. Next weekend.
"So, Alexandra," Dan grinned slyly at her. "You're going to be our officiant. I've already decided, so you can't say no. You can get ordained online now these days in like, 12 hours, so that's not gonna be a problem. And I would also really appreciate it if you could give away the bride too. I mean, I have to get up that aisle somehow, right? And as much as I'd like to ask this guy," he jerked a thumb at Jax, who just laughed, "I feel like my connection to you is stronger. I want it to be you, Allie. So, will you marry us and give me away?"
She just didn't know what to say. Didn't know how to feel. And suddenly, tears pricked the back of her eyes.
"Next weekend is really soon," she whispered.
Dan tilted his head to the side with a soft smile. He looked happy. He really did. And at the end of the day, that was all she really wanted for him.
"Life is too short not to have the things you want, when you want them, and while you can still have them," Dan told her. "All I know is that I love him. All I know is that I want to be married to him. And all I know is that I want you to be the one to marry us."
Allie swallowed hard, lifting her eyes to Jax one more time, who was watching her with something glimmering in his blue eyes she wasn't so sure she liked. As if he could read her thoughts, his lips curved into a knowing, sly smirk.
And then, there was nothing left to do but look at her best friend and say, "Okay."
A/N - Hopefully that lived up to any expectations I'd set in my first author's note ;)
In case you missed it, I'm posting a new story, Lost and Found, on Sunday, and I'm so excited to finally start sharing it! I've already got nearly 12 chapters ready to go, so I feel like I'm in a really good place to keep my regular Sunday/Wednesday posting schedule. And with five chapters left of this story, that means I might eventually have another story in the works to take over this story's Wednesday posting slot ;)
Anyway, please let me know what you thought of this chapter - it was sort of like the companion chapter to chapter 29 (the flashback chapter) and it was important for Allie, and the story, that everything that happened between her and Jax in this one was all on her terms. Thank you as always for reading and sticking with this story!
