All rights to Kiera Cass. Parts labeled "cass" are direct quotes from the original books, however even in other parts cass's writing may be intertwined.

This story is rated M for sexual themes.

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Author's note:

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Book 3

Chapter 1

(edit)

I sat on the unfamiliar bed with a pen in hand. What should I say? What could I say? I repositioned myself to push my feet on the wall opposite to the bed in the little five by eight box. The America look-alike would be leaving in less than an hour. It should still be dark outside. I was too deep in the castle to have a window, but I would like to imagine it was raining. The liquid drops falling from the heavens as the world cries for me and Maxon. Acknowledging all there was to our love that would never be. At least then someone would be crying for us. I surely couldn't bring myself to. I had given it all up, before I knew what I was truly giving up sure, but the king was right. Wasn't he? I would have eventually given it up anyway. At least now Maxon and I can just be friends like we always were, always planned to be.

The public couldn't know I was an advisor. I'm not sure why. The king in passing mentioned something about safety, but surely one day the people would have to know. Unless he just didn't want to admit that a woman had something a man didn't. Our society is so patriarchal that sometimes it is suffocating. I have always seemed to live just slightly outside the unusual demands. I largely ignored gender roles. My parents let me get away with it, and as a lower caste society didn't care. Now I am a "lady", whatever that means.

Right now, at least, that means I have to write a letter to my parents explaining I've been eliminated. But for a reason I cannot tell them, I am staying in the castle and no one can know I am still here….well I guess that's as good a start as any.

"Dear Mom and Dad,

I am writing to tell you that I have been eliminated. I'm sure you can infer that it has to do with my presentation on the report the other night, but frankly the reason doesn't matter.

I'm sorry to leave you with such an ominous note, but I am not coming home now. I have other matters to attend to in the castle, however, I cannot tell you why I remain and no one can know I am still here. I hate to ask this, but I do need you to cover for me at home. Maybe you can pretend I don't want to see anyone. It may be a long time before I return, and I do not know how long you will have to cover for me, which I apologize for. But I don't want you to worry for me. I am perfectly fine and I'm in no serious trouble.

I will make sure to write often. Don't worry about money. I am being compensated for my work at the castle and will send the money home. It's more than I was making performing.

Love you all lots,

America"

I can't imagine a situation where they are not painfully confused by the letter, however I couldn't find any way around that. I took two steps to the little closet. I was allowed to keep the clothes that were made during the selection. I only kept one nice gown but most of my day dresses. I flipped through them, none of them feeling right. Eventually I put on a plain pale blue one.

I pushed back the curtain and looked in the mirror...yes that is my bathroom. There is a mirror and sink about a foot and a half into the wall, a toilet tucked in the side to my right, and a shower barely big enough to stand in to my left. It's not as luxurious as my room when I was in the selection, but really it's all I need. Besides it would only be a few years till I was a full advisor, then I would be upgraded to a much better room.

I went to the mess room. The soldiers, maids, and other castle staff didn't eat with the royalty or guests, we had our own large room near the kitchens which had a buffet of food. None of it was nearly as good as what was given to the royal family, obviously, but it was editable. I have to admit, being castle staff came with a lot of amenities. Advisor is considered to be an elite position, so I did have more than most, but no one was starving, which is more I can say for the provinces. I grabbed some oatmeal and fruit before scanning the room. None of the advisors I knew were here, but I spotted Anne, Lucy, and Mary, my former maids, chatting at a table.

"May I join you?" I asked them. I swear the food almost fell out of Lucy's mouth. They knew I was still in the castle, but I doubt they ever pictured me in this room. Anne tapped Lucy's chin and she quickly remembered herself. "You're not my maids any more." I smiled at them, "I'm working for the King just like you."

"But you're still a Lady...I'm not sure it would be appropriate." Anne presented something in between a question and a statement.

I took the hesitation as a sign, "I'm only a lady by a technicality." And sat down across from Lucy. "What are your assignments now that I am no longer in the selection?"

"We are still maids." Mary explained, "Our assignment just isn't as clear. For now we will be helping out when needed, but soon enough we will fall into a more specific job." I felt a little like I failed them. I know being a maid is one of the more prodigious jobs for a six, but being a maid to a selected is an honor. Now it was all over for them too. They spent the next thirty minutes before I had to go explaining to me some of the hierarchy of the staff and who to go to for what, along with bits of gossip sprinkled.

I trudged up the five flights of stairs to get to the main level. It's odd, the castle was built in modern times, so there is absolutely no reason why there could not be an elevator. But yet there isn't. They seemed to have decided to put almost no technology in the archistructure. I could sure have a few words with that architect. I met the King and Maxon by the front doors.

"You ready?" Maxon asked.

I nodded, "Yep. I have my letter. See you in about thirty minutes."

The massive doors were pushed open blinding me with sunshine. Clearly the universe had a sense of humor. As my eyes adjusted to the sun it was left with the shock of bright white lights as reporters called "Lady America" "Lady America".

I took a few steps out, stopping just before the steps out when I heard, "Lady America what do you have to say to the people?"

I remember the king's words. I can't be poised? Let's give you some room to doubt. I turned to the camera. "People of Illea. I greet you from the end of my time in the selection. It has been an immense honor to be a candidate over the past few months. While I will not be your future queen I have had the honor of standing beside her. We may not know who she will be, but after getting to know these amazing women, I have the utmost confidence any one of them has the capacity to be the queen Illea deserves. I have also had the privilege of getting to know Prince Maxon. Doing so has left me undoubtedly sure he will be one of the best King's of Illea's history: both past and future. He's compassionate, resilient, and willing to create a better country for the people. Whoever his choice is will have the honor standing with him as he creates an even more exceptional Illea then we already have.

"To end, I will reaffirm my promise to the people of Illea. My love was never conditional on a crown. That's why I will promise to fight for each one of you -for a better life, a better future, and for your happiness- in whatever way I can. Thank you, for being the best people a country could ask for." I glanced back and saw mostly pissed off but with a hint of surprise tucked into the king's schooled features. Gotcha. I managed to keep my face from showing any outwards change on the walk to the car, but as soon as I heard the clunk of the car door closing I let a smirk erupt on my face. The driver started heading for the royal airport not too far away, but after we lose the press my driver breaks away from the others and heads back. One of the other cars has a maid with red hair who is going to be sent in my place. If Marlee was any comparison they won't look too closely, so I wasn't worried about the rest of the plan.

We pulled into the loading bay. I entered through the Upper Kitchens and went up one flight of stairs before finding Maxon waiting for me on the first floor. "Well I'm glad that's done with." I smiled.

"I can't believe you said that." Maxon laughed.

"I meant every word of it." I reaffirmed unsure where the laughter was coming from.

"My father was shocked. Not that he said so in so many words, but he can't be upset about anything you said. It was so elegant and perfect….You know you didn't have to say that though right?"

I shrugged, "I'll never be in the public eye again, but I wanted to. It wasn't about clout, it was about saying what I believed." Maxon's eyes met mine and I could tell he was fighting the instinct to kiss me. I instead fell back into our playful friendship energy, "aaaand I wanted to see the look on your father's face. It definitely made it worth it."

We both laughed up to the third floor conference room. As we entered our laughs were stunted by a paper being shoved in our face by the King. "This is your punishment for Lady America's stunt on the report Friday." Maxon and I glanced at each other then down on the list of six items. This didn't seem too bad if we had a few days to do it. "You are expected to complete this by tomorrow on top of any other assignments you may have. Each assignment that fails to be completed by nine am will result in an additional assignment added to the list. The list must be completed in order. For every assignment skipped an additional assignment will be added. These hold less of a priority then other assignments. Any other work you are assigned that you fail to complete on time will result in an additional assignment added to the list. This will continue until the list is completed." We are going to be doing this dumb list for years. "Do I make myself clear?" Maxon and I both nodded.

The king took his seat at the head of the table, with Maxon beside him, and I took mine just inside the door. We started with domestic disputes and I of course had my usual assignment of analyzing the positioning. The goal was to introduce me to the different committees. There are fourteen plus the temporary selection team. Right now I will mainly focus on three to get comfortable on, while doing extra work to get background on the others. Everyone is a junior advisor for at least three years, but after that you will remain a junior advisor until you have a decent understanding of all the sections and can specialize in five. I will always advise on domestic disputes as I am already considered pleasantly competent in it...unlike pretty much anything else.

The foreign relations meeting was torcher. It was like they were speaking a different language...which at times they were. I am fluent in English, French, and Spanish so the language switches were fine, it was the culture switches that left me lost. Many of these countries I had only heard of in passing, and now cultural components were being fired across the room and cross referenced in an instant. I wanted to take cover to protect myself from a projectile, but fortunately no one asked me any questions. We went through the Environmental, Transportation, Amenities Maintenance, and Citizen Opinion committees before the last meeting of the day: Public Policy. I had been itching for this one. While I knew far less than what was needed about law making, this is what I want to do, change the laws. I paid attention, taking more notes than in any other meeting, and making sure to ask inquisitive questions. I even made a suggestion that seemed to be taken well. Silivia's lessons definitely helped. I knew more about the technicals then any of them expected.

The king assigned me with reading a twenty page basic culture guide on Eastern Europe, a reasonable assignment on it's own. Although I could definitely feel the heat with the work he had given Maxon and I, but I didn't have enough time to stress.

Maxon pulled me aside in the hallway, "So the list. It's sure something"

"Sure something we need to get started on."

Maxon sighed, "I have to go to dinner and I have the selection advising meeting after."

"You don't normally have this many meetings in a day, do you?" I was pretty sure I knew the answer based on how much time Maxon and I have spent together.

"No. This is a bit excessive. Usually there are three to four advising meetings and they are spaced. There may be individual meetings scattered in between, and there's always work to do, but I'm fairly sure the meetings are only this dense because my father is trying to place you. I wouldn't worry too much about it though."

I nodded, "What time does your meeting end?"

"Around eight thirty. Can you meet me in my room at nine to work?"

"Sounds like a plan. I should be able to get my individual work done in about an hour, do you want me to go to the library and start looking for background books?"

"I think that would be prudent." Maxon agreed.

"This is going to be a long couple of years till we finish this list." I joked and Maxon laughed with me before we parted ways. I ate some eggs, toast, and greens in the mess hall while I worked through the rebel report. I finished and paced the four steps back and forth my room provided while I read through and annotated the culture guide. I then went to one of the libraries and found several books. Unsure of what time it was, I wandered the halls till I found a clock, five till eight.

The knock of the my knuckles on the wood of Maxon's door echoed. After the second knock I paused just slightly. Maxon and I will be alone, for hours, working though. Hopefully we'll be too busy to notice. Maxon opened the door and I immediately drank him in. His suit jacket was gone, tossed away somewhere, his tie loosened, and the top button of his dress shirt was undone. My eyes tracked over to his arms where I could see his muscles more predominantly. My mind flashbacked to how they looked with no shirt, how chiseled his chest is - dammit America just friends.

Maxon seemed to notice because there was a small smirk across his face, "Please come in." I suddenly wondered how long I had been standing in the doorway. With a deep breath in to subdue my blush, I entered. We buckled down on the first assignment. I must have asked Maxon thirty questions before we could even start.

I was buried into a book taking notes when I realized Maxon was staring at me. I looked up and met his gaise, a smile pushing its way onto my lips, "What?"

He broke the eye contact and went back to his book, "Uh nothing." But it definitely wasn't nothing.

We continued working until the little clock on Maxon's dest read two am. "Maybe we should call it a night." He suggested.

I shook my head, "We've only gotten through two assignments. If we stop now we'll have eight to do tomorrow. I think we should try and get two more done."

Maxon sighed. "If we don't sleep that's possible. Although the fourth one on the list will take a long time. I suppose one way or another we have to eventually complete it. You know my father will just give us more individual work to insure we fail though."

I leaned back in my chair, "Yes, I know. But I'm still going to try my best."

We got through the third assignment and were a decent chunk into the forth as the sun peaked above the horizon. Maxon walked over to me and was asking my opinion on which report was more accurate when I noticed the sunrise. "It's beautiful."

He looked up at it then to me, "It's only a fraction of your beauty." My heart swelled and our eyes were lost in each other's. Every muscle tensed trying to prevent us, but in the end out souls won and Maxon swooped down to kiss me. I reciprocated. As his tongue found my lips I parted them to allow access, and Maxon leaned in further to deepen the kiss.

A small moan escaped my lips and I immediately came to my senses pushing Maxon away. "We've just friends." I declared for myself.

"Right" He repeated. "Just friends."

"Umm you know what. I should probably be going to get ready for the day anyway, it's already past seven. We got through three assignments so that's pretty good." I avoided his desperate attempts at eye contact.

Maxon looked a little hurt, "We could probably finish the fourth if you stay for another half an hour."

He was right...in theory. But I don't think either of us wants to be reviewing budget reports right now. I was frantically picking up my supplies, "That's quite alright I really ought to be getting ready for the day." I looped the reports in my arms and called back, "Goodbye Your Majesty." as I left. I think that's the only time I have ever referred to Maxon as 'Your Majesty' in an informal situation.

I cursed to myself as I flew down the six flights of stairs. That kiss was so perfect. So right. So...improper! That can't happen, but it did happen. I threw the papers onto my bed and paced a bit before stepping into the shower trying to wash the kiss away. But I didn't want to wash it away. I want more. I can still feel the tingle from where his lips touched mine, can almost relive the jolts his tongue sent through my body. I turned the water to cold. No America. No.

I donned a fresh dress. I looked at myself in the mirror, playing with the dress. It just felt…. Doesn't matter. I got coffee with breakfast, sweeting it extensively. With the later nights coffee may become part of my daily routine. The list was doubled upon entry to the conference room at nine am. I spent most of the day attempting to casually avoid Maxon's eyes. Whenever I looked into his eyes I thought of his lips, and Maxon's lips were the last thing I needed to be thing about.

To start it was decided I would focus on Domestic Disputes, Public Policy, and Foriegn Relations. Yes, they know I suck at Foriegn Relations, that's why they put me on it. I need to get to a competent level in all fourteen areas, and Foriegn Relations was going to take extra work. I was assigned two more culture guides, german and italian language lessons, and rebel analysis. What was particularly odd was the king's insistence that I have nothing to do with the New Asia war. Nothing. I don't even know why we are fighting the war in New Asia, and it doesn't seem like I ever will. I guess that just means it is one less area to have to learn about.

In the break between dinner and Maxon's last meeting he helped me with German. It was considered a high priority because of how close of allies the German's were with Illea.

"Keine Notwendigkeit, er ist ein Herr" no need, he is a gentleman. I tried.

"Good!" Maxon applauded, "But on Herr, make sure you use the german r."

"Herr" I repeated, and Maxon nodded. "At least German is very similar to english." I sighed. I needed to have over thirty phrases memorised in both German and Italian by tomorrow. Thankfully I already knew all the Italian ones from when the Italian's visited, but German was new.

"You're picking this up really fast. Your Italian accent is almost flawless, I know you had some practice in Italian before, but still." Maxon pursues his eyebrows before slowly asking, "Verstehst du das?"

"You said 'Do you understand this'...so I guess ja."

Maxon's face beamed, "You're amazing, an absolute prodigy."

I smiled, "I think that's a bit of an exaggeration. All those words were in other phrases plus I am fluent and literate in three languages."

"Prodigy." He repeated and I couldn't help but laugh. He closed the space between us, looked me in the eye, and softly spoke, "Everything you do amazes me. You are a person that denies all logic to exist. You're beautiful, smart, brave, cunning all rolled into one. Far too pure hearted to be real. I often wonder what god I appeased to earn the honor of having you in my presence."

My breaths increased. After several seconds I found the strength to back away. I shook my head, "You don't get to do that."

"Do what?"

"That- Say perfect little things that make me-" fall in love with you, I stopped myself from ending.

"Make you what?" From the look on his face I knew he knew what I was going to say, but I couldn't say it.

"I'm not your girlfriend Maxon, I'm just a friend. You can't say girlfriendy things to me."

"I can't tell you how I feel?" From his voice one would think he was getting angry, but he was just frustrated with the situation, "You know how I feel America and nothing has changed in three days."

"And you think how I feel has?! Do you know how hard it is for me to walk away? To break it off. It takes everything I have, but I do it because I know in the end it will hurt less for both of us this way." I raised my voice.

He closed the space again, "I disagree. It crushes my soul not to be with you. You're so close, but I can't touch you or kiss you or hold you or even tell you how I feel when it's all I want to do. How could it be worse?"

My eyes lock with his, "When you propose to someone who isn't me. Because you will marry one of those four girls Maxon." I laughed a bit and yelled to the universe, "We were best friends with nothing else in sight four days ago."

He joined me in laughing, "That seems like an eternity away now doesn't it."

"We just need to rewind four day. That's all. We can do that right?" His brown eyes were so warm, so comforting. I broke eye contact. No America, No. "I believe you should be getting to the meeting."

He nodded, "You can keep working in here till I am back." I nodded and Maxon donned his suit jacket on the way out. I was able to finish my individual work by the time Maxon was back and we got through four of the assignments, me leaving when the sun rose. I took a thirty minute nap desperate for the slightest bit of sleep.

Tuesday started with eight assignments on the list. There were a lot less meetings now that I had been assigned, but a lot more work for the meetings. I was still attending some meetings and getting some assignments outside of Domestic Disputes, Foreign Relations, and Public policy, but I attended every one of those meetings, and was assigned whole laws and trade agreements to read. At seven Maxon and I met to work in between his individual meeting with his father at nine thirty. We began trudging through a solution to a train that is slow every fall due to the leaves falling, when next thing I knew I was awakened by the sound of a door clacking against a wall.

"The Spanish monarchy is run more like an oligarchy." I stuttered a quote from one of my earlier readings. I lifted my head off Maxon's desk, pushing my hair back.

"Maxon you're late for our meeting." the King snapped.

"What time is it?" Maxon asked grogley.

"Nine forty-five" the King over enunciated. Frankly I thought he was disproportionately upset, it was fifteen minutes.

Maxon began to gather up some papers. "My apologies we fell asleep."

"It's hardly late enough for you to be falling asleep."

"On the contrary I think it's hour three-hundred of Sunday." I mumbled under my breath, but the king still shot me a look. He pointed at Maxon and his son trudged after him. I spent the thirty minutes until Maxon came back trying not to fall asleep while writing down as many words as we could. We spent most the night trying to keep the other awake but only made it till about three-thirty.

"America." Maxon gently called while shaking me.

"No." I called back.

Maxon laughed a bit, but continued, "You have to get up."

I processed what that meant, and sat straight up adrenalinum passing through my veins. "What time is it?"

"Nearly seven thirty." Maxon responded.

"Great we fell asleep with… two completed assignments." I rested my head on my hand taking a deep breath, and Maxon put his hand on my back to sooth me.

"It'll be alright. Think about it, between our accidental nap and accidentally falling asleep, we got nearly six hours of sleep last night."

"Well I'm still tired." I shot back. "But I do feel a little better….. We are never going to finish this list."

"I think that's the goal."

We were both quiet for a moment before I excused myself to get ready. I was already running late. I quickly got ready and started the day. The list grew to twelve. I impressed the Foreign Realtion's team with my fast grasp of the languages….so they increased how much I was doing a day. A double edged sword. During Domestic disputes I was doing a close read of a rebel report when I glazed over the top and saw Junespring staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"..Nothing, just you always seem to hold whatever you are reading eight inches to a foot away from you face." He explained.

I blinked at him a few times. I guess I never thought about it, it was just where the words were the clearest. It also happens to be about how far I put my sheet music, so maybe it was just out of habit? "You don't?" I finally responded.

I looked around the room at all the men shaking their heads. The king looked at me for a moment then wrote some words on the chalkboard. "Can you read this?"

It looked like scribbles, "Not with it that small."

Marko who was sitting next to me commented, "You should be able to read that."

I squinted, but it didn't make it any clearer. It was just too small.

"Can you read your report if it's flat on the desk and you're sitting straight up." Junespring asked.

I gave it a try. "Not well." I responded. I wish I could use being tired as an excuse, but I was rested enough to function. Besides it's always been like this.

Maxon laughed, "You need glasses."

"No I don't." I quickly replied. "My vision has never been an issue before." I did not want glasses. I like my face without a frame covering it. Thank you very much.

"You definitely need glasses." Cane added. "The only reason you didn't have them was because as a five you wouldn't get them unless it got in the way of daily life. But now as an advisor your daily life is different and you definitely need glasses."

"Go to Dr. Asher during lunch and he can check your eyes out." The king ordered.

And that's how I ended up standing outside of the infirmary. I took a deep breath and walked in.

"Lady America. I have been expecting you. Please take a seat." The kind old man pointed to a torcher device. It had metal arms with gears sticking out of them. I'm not entirely sure what an eye exam is comprised of, but I am starting to wonder if he will be removing my eyes. He turned back around with a tray of tools. "Please Lady America, sit."

I braved the chair, but jumped as soon as he moved one torcher arm to my face. "I am not going to hurt you, I promise. You're going to look inside this and tell me the letters you can read." I nodded and put my eyes up.

On my left eye I could read to the fourth line, on the right I could read most of the fifth, but when I did both I realized I got one wrong on the fifth line. Letters are much harder than words to read because at least with words you have the topic of what's being written and the context of groups of letters that should go together.

"Did I pass?" I asked.

Dr. Asher smiled at me sweetly, "No, you definitely need glasses. You can see at twenty feet what people with perfect vision can see at forty five." Guess I get frames on my face then.

Dr. Asher helped me pick out a pair that was passable, the lenses would be done tomorrow morning. I left for a day full of meetings.

Later that night when Maxon and I were walking down the hallway to get books, an off duty guard whistled at me. Maxon shot him a look, but he didn't waver, drinking me in as we walked. I had been getting stared at frequently since I was kicked out of the selection.

"Does that happen a lot?" Maxon asked annoyed.

"What?" I played dumb, knowing Maxon was jeleous.

"Guys checking you out."

"I'm an eligible high status girl. And we both know in Illean society there is absolutely nothing wrong with that behavior." Not that I appreciated it, but I largely ignored it.

"Has anyone asked you out." he fiddled with his fingers.

"Not yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if people start to." I swear Maxon's ears were turning scarlett as he grasped his fist. I stopped walking and turned to look at him. "I wouldn't say yes. Just because I am getting this attention, doesn't mean I like it."

"Why wouldn't you?" He asked. "It's like you said you're 'eligible'."

"Is that what you want? For me to say yes."

"Of course not." He scoffed.

"Then why is it so hard to believe I wouldn't want to." His eyes softened into mine, and I seem to have tamed the green eyed monster for now.

While I had been better for most of the day, sleep was calling for me. I have been so sleep deprived this week the six hours didn't get me too far. Maxon in general slept less so he was faring much better. Around four in the morning I started crying. Maxon immediately slid his chair over to mine and wrapped his strong arms around me.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, I'm just exhausted." I croaked out. "I'll be fine, I just need to keep worki-."

Maxon hushed me letting my head rest on his shoulder and my tears bore into his shirt. Within seconds I was asleep. I awoke clinchinging onto a black and red bedspread. Maxon's bed, I am on Maxon's bed. I opened my eyes and found Maxon calling gently to me, "Hey America. It's six thirty now, I wish I could have let you sleep longer, but it's best you leave before the maids come." I groaned. "And don't worry about the list. We'll get a few more assignments, but in the end I doubt it matters. You needed to get some sleep."

He was so close to my face, and so sweet, and I was SO sleep deprived, so before I thought too much about it I kissed him. Not five seconds later my brain turned back on and I broke it. "Sorry." I quickly stood up then froze. Oh come on feet work. They turned me to look at Maxon and I avoided his gaise. "Um...try to get a little sleep too." And with that they sent me out. Great Great Great.

…. …. ….. …...

Thanks for reading! Chapter 2 is done so I will edit and put that out soon. After that the chapters will come much slower, but I am still working on the story!

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