AN: Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, this chapter was rough for me. I have never given birth or even been in the room with someone else giving birth, so I have no first hand experience to go off of here. I tried to make it as authentic as possible by doing plenty of research and watching a ton of YouTube vlogs, but please have a bit of patience with me if I get something wrong here or there. You'll also notice that I didn't get too indepth with the medical aspect of this day… I wanted to focus more on the emotional. So hopefully that makes up for my lack of knowledge.
Regardless, I hope you enjoy!
Chapter Thirty – One
Friday, June 23, 2017 - Saturday June 24, 2017
"She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes."
Logan was frozen.
His mouth was hanging open in shock and his eyes were wide as he stared at the mess on the floor around her. He blinked for a few moments, clearly trying to come to terms with what was happening. Rory would almost feel sympathetic for him if it weren't for the fact that she was the one that had uterus juice dripping down her legs.
Somewhat shocked and shaken herself, she wasn't entirely sure how much time passed before he was able to snap out of it. But, to his credit, she didn't think it had taken all that long.
Logan sat up, reaching in front of him on the coffee table for the remote control and turning off the television to concentrate at the situation at hand.
"Okay," he said, standing up and running a hand through his hair. "Are you absolutely sure it was your water?"
Rory didn't even dignify the question with a response. Perhaps she should give him a break. If she was reacting to this anything like she was, his brain was probably short circuiting from the mix of thoughts and emotions shooting through his mind at lightening speed. But even with that in mind, Rory wasn't feeling much like humoring stupid questions.
She cocked her head to the side and sent him a withering look. Logan, nodded, apparently having no difficulty interpreting the meaning of her silent gesture. His eyes flashed once again to the floor, landing on the sheer amount of fluid underneath her. It was definitely her water.
"What time is it?" she asked, taking a deep breath. The anxiety was settling in quickly, but thankfully she was still able to think straight enough to remember what to do in the event that her water broke before she was at the hospital. Time, amount, color, odor. TACO. There was no way she was going to forget TACO. Of all the millions of pneumonic devices Rory had memorized in her life, that was among one of the easiest she ever had to remember.
"It's…8:56," Logan answered with a flick of his left wrist as he checked his watch.
"Okay. 8:56…" she repeated. "I need um… towels. I need towels. Do we have towels? Somewhere?"
Rory started glancing around the apartment, trying to figure out if they even had some old towels or rags to clean up the mess, and where she would have put them if they did. They weren't in the pile of laundry she had folded, and the only towels hanging in the bathroom were the brand new ones she had just purchased. She started to walk over to the stack of boxes that she had yet to unpack, hoping to find something in them. However, before she could get too far Logan stopped her.
"I'll take care of the floor," he said, walking over to the kitchen area. He opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a handful of dish towels that Rory had placed there earlier in the day and completely forgot about.
"Right."
Rory could feel her heart rate starting to pick up as she watched Logan throw a few towels on the floor to start soaking up the water. She wasn't ready for this to happen. Not tonight.
She thought she had a little more time. Of course she was perfectly aware of the fact that babies came when they wanted to and didn't adhere to strict schedules, but she thought she would have more warning. She thought that her pre-labor contractions would be so much more obvious. She thought she would feel them somewhere else. She thought she'd be able to work herself up mentally to the reality that she was about to get into a car, go to the hospital, and not come home until she'd pushed a human being out of her body.
She just didn't expect it to feel this sudden.
"What exactly did Paris say on the phone?" asked Logan. Rory took a deep breath.
"She said that the back pains might be contractions, but that I shouldn't start worrying too much until they get consistent."
"Well… I think we're officially past that point," Logan said as he started sweeping the towels across the floor with his foot.
"Ya think?" Rory asked. She raised her right hand to her forehead and pressed it against her skull, as if doing so would somehow magically tame the racing thoughts, fears, and anxieties in her mind. "We need to go to the hospital!"
"Ace…" said Logan in a clear attempt to try and soothe her.
"I need to call my doctor. I need to call my Mom! I need my Mom," she continued. "We need to get the car seat in the car! How are we supposed to bring a baby home from the hospital if the car seat isn't in the car!?"
"Rory…"
"I'm wet. I need to change. I need to shower. Do you think it's okay if I shower? Do you think I have time to take a shower? What if I take fifteen minutes in the shower instead of leaving right away and she ends up coming around the mountain in the middle of the 85?!"
"Coming around the mountain?" Logan asked with a confused expression.
"I'm not ready for this," said Rory, shaking her head. "I'm not ready to be a mom. I'm not ready to have a baby. I don't know anything about babies. When Sookie had Davey, it took me weeks to remember to stop calling him 'it.' And I'm his Godmother. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea how I ever thought that I would be able to do this. Anytime my dad ever left me alone with Gigi when she was a kid, he would come back and my first thoughts were always 'oh thank God.' 'Oh thank God.' About my own sister. I don't like kids. I'm no good with kids – and oh my God. I just realized that for nine months I've been totally repressing the thing about the splits on a crate of dynamite…"
"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm not sure I want to."
"Logan," she groaned, thoroughly upset that he seemed to be making light of what was happening at the moment.
"Ace…" he countered.
He walked toward her, extending his arms in front of him so that he could place them on her arms in a comforting gesture as soon as he reached her. He looked deep into her eyes, as if he was desperately searching for the intelligent, poised, capable young woman that still existed in there somewhere.
"Take a deep breath," he said. She followed his advice and inhaled. "It's going to be okay. Things are different with your own kid. I know it's a cliché, but clichés exist for a reason. And you've read plenty of books. You've watched endless baby vlogs. You've taken classes. You know everything there is to know about babies that you can possibly know before you actually have one."
"But it's not enough!" Rory cried. "If it was enough, then I wouldn't be freaking out right now!"
"I'm pretty sure you could have read every single piece of literature ever written on childbirth and raising children, and you'd still be freaking out. I'm pretty sure everyone freaks out."
"You're not!" Rory said, looking him up and down.
He was standing in front of her the picture of cool, calm, and collected. Logan was always cool, calm, and collected. Even in moments when any mere mortal would be absolutely melting down, Logan always seemed to act like it was any other Tuesday. Some people might be impressed with his ability to stay composed under pressure, but Rory only found it annoying.
"You're not freaking out at all," she continued. "You're acting like you've done this a million times, and you have no worries at all about being a dad. And you probably don't. Because you're annoyingly perfect. You've had five years of practice and you're good with kids and you like kids so of course you're going to be a perfect dad."
"Ace, you of all people know that I'm not perfect…" said Logan. "And it may not look like it out on the outside, but I promise you I am definitely freaking out on the inside. I've been freaking out since the moment I found out about this. Okay?"
"You have?"
"Yes," he assured. "There's a big difference between being an uncle and a dad, okay? Being an uncle is easy. I spend a couple hours with them every once in a while, fill them up with ice cream and candy, and send them back at the end of the day before they start malfunctioning. It's not the same thing. And it's not exactly like I have the best role model to look up to. I have no idea what a functioning parent/child relationship looks like. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm terrified I'm going to fuck this up."
"You are?"
"Constantly."
It was a strange thing to feel relieved about, but that was all Rory could think at the moment. Lately she'd been feeling like there was something wrong with her, like she was entirely alone when it came to the level of concerns she was having over her ability to be a good mother. She thought she should be more excited and less terrified. She thought that all the reading that she'd been doing was supposed to make her feel more prepared and not frighten her even more by merely expanding her knowledge base with all of the ways she could accidently harm, neglect, or even kill her baby. Hearing that Logan was going through the same exact thing was actually a comfort.
"Let's just try to calm down," Logan continued. "We'll call your doctor and ask what she wants us to do. If she says you have time to take a quick shower, then you can hop in the shower while I call your mom and get the car seat in the car. And if she says we need to get to the hospital this second, then we'll go and we'll figure out the rest later. Last I checked it takes a pretty long time to have a baby and most hospital rooms have tubs, so I think we'll be okay. You have your bag right?"
"It's by the crib," Rory answered, pointing to the extended extra bedroom area where they had decided to set up the baby's furniture for the time being.
"And it's got everything in it ready to go?"
Rory nodded.
"Except for the car seat and the nursing pillow."
"Okay," said Logan. "You call the doctor, and I'll start packing up the car."
"Yeah," Rory replied. "Yeah okay."
Rory started nodding her head, grateful to have some kind of plan for at least the next five minutes. She could feel herself starting to calm with the next few breaths she took, and as soon as she felt composed enough to have an intelligible phone conversation, she looked down at the phone in her hand and started searching for the name of her OBGYN.
"Ace," she heard Logan say right before she was about to tap on Dr. Kothari's name.
He squeezed her arms again, and Rory took it as a cue to look up at him. When their eyes met, Rory noticed the sparkle in Logan's gaze and the wide smile that had split open across his face.
"We're gonna have a baby…"
"Yeah," she replied, allowing herself to bask in the moment for the first time since she realized this was happening tonight.
It was here – the moment she had in some way been thinking about her entire life. She'd thought about it since she was a little girl. Even in the days when she wasn't sure if she wanted children, it was hard not to think hypothetically about what it would be like to have a child of her own. Who would the father be? Would it be a boy or a girl? What would she name them?
As she'd gotten older and things became more serious with Logan, she'd thought about it even more. She'd started picturing lying in a hospital bed with him holding her hand as she pushed out a tiny baby with a shock of blond hair on their head. She's started picturing little feet toddling on the beach in Martha's Vineyard and leaving behind footprints in the sand.
When they'd broken up after her graduation, all those daydreams had fallen apart. She'd learned to accept the fact that they were never going to happen. And, then, when she actually gotten pregnant all these years later she'd thought that she would only ever have half of the life she'd pictured when she thought about having children. She'd have the baby with the shock of blond hair, but there would be no footprints in the sand at the Vineyard. There would be no Logan holding her hand.
It was really just now sinking in that she was going to have it. Everything she'd pictured.
A brilliant smile spread across her own face, and her eyes flushed with tears. She was actually somewhat surprised with herself. She hadn't expected her eyes to fill with tears for any other reason but anxiety and sheer terror at this exact moment, but here she was.
"We're gonna have a baby."
Logan had never heard a moan like that come out of Rory's mouth in his life, and that was saying something.
He was no stranger to Rory's moans. Up until now, he thought he'd heard them all. The deep gravely ones that started in her chest and rumbled at the bottom of her throat. The more high pitched ones that came when something seemed to take her by surprise. The energetic ones. The ones that tended to come out when she'd had a bit too much to drink and let her inhibitions down.
There were even the non-sexy ones. The ones that bubbled up from her vocal chords when her tongue came in contact with a warm cup of coffee or a particularly good slice of pizza. The monthly ones that came like clockwork on the third day of her period when she was feeling bloated and crampy and had finally put on a pair of sweats and flopped down on the couch at the end of the day.
But these were unlike anything that Logan had ever heard from her. He would even wager that they were unlike anything that he'd ever heard from anyone. There was something almost non-human about these – something primal and unhinged. He was unaware that it was even possible for a sound like that to come out of Rory's small body, and he was feeling particularly helpless at what to do to stop it.
"Where is my epidural?" Rory cried as soon as the moans subsided.
She was currently standing up, far too restless to remain comfortable sitting in the hospital bed. She'd been pacing around the room for a while before this particular contraction had hit, but now she was bent over the bed, her arms supporting herself on the mattress. Logan was standing behind her with his thumbs digging into the muscles surrounding her lower back. Though, he realized that a back rub at this point was probably like putting a band-aid on a gash over the carotid.
"I dunno, Ace. But you're doing great."
"We asked for the epidural like twenty years ago," she groaned. "Why don't I have my epidural? Why is it taking so long? Don't they know who your father is?"
Logan laughed. It was the first joke that Rory had cracked since her labor had started, and Logan had to admit that he was pretty amazed that she was able to maintain her wit while in so much pain.
"Why are you laughing?" she asked in a desperate tone, as if she hadn't meant to be funny at all. "Go out there and tell them who your father is."
"Wow. Okay," Logan said, continuing to move his hands in circular motions over her back. "If you're willingly asking me to invoke the H word to the nursing staff, you must really be in pain."
"No, I feel great," Rory responded, sarcastically. "I haven't felt this giddy and sprightly since I was a kid on Christmas morning."
"Three more centimeters, Ace," he said in an attempt to sound encouraging.
"Don't remind me of what's happening to me right now!"
"Sorry," Logan said with a sigh.
He supposed this was his job in this. All he needed to do was be whatever she needed him to be at any given moment. If she needed a masseuse, he would be her masseuse. If she needed a stress ball to squeeze, his hand would be a stress ball, and if she needed a verbal punching bag, he would be a verbal punching bag.
"Grandma's getting the next flight out of Nantucket. She should be here in a few hours - Aw, hun..." Lorelai said as she burst back into the hospital room, shoving her phone in her pocket. Her tone switched from straightforward to sympathetic, and she started walking over to the bed to where Rory was still bent over, her breath still slightly heavy as she was coming down from the pain. She started stroking Rory's hair, pushing it out of her face and behind her ear. "How ya doin?"
Rory nodded and started to stand up straight again, prompting Logan to drop his hands from her back and step back to get out of her way so she could start pacing again.
"I'm okay," she said as she placed her hand against the small of her back. "And I hope you told Grandma that she doesn't need to rush to the airport right this second. It's eleven o'clock. She could leave first thing in the morning."
"Are you kidding?" Lorelai asked with a scoff. "This is Emily Gilmore. She's been dreaming about the birth of this baby every single day for twelve years. Short of the nuclear apocalypse or... the Yellowstone volcano erupting, I don't think anything could keep her away."
"I'm pretty sure the Yellowstone volcano is erupting inside of my uterus right now."
"Why don't you try lying down in the bed for a little while. Get off your feet."
For the first time in about fifteen minutes, Rory seemed to think that lying down might actually be a good idea. She didn't put up a fight at all while her mother guided her back onto the mattress.
"You lied to me," Rory cried. "You said this was like doing the splits on a crate of dynamite. This is so much worse than dynamite. This is a world ending volcanic eruption level worse."
"Don't blame me," Lorelai said. "You're the one whose baby just had to be interesting. She couldn't just be facing your back like all the normal, boring, non-special babies."
When they had gotten to the hospital and the nurses had informed Rory that their baby was "sunny-side-up," she had let out a frustrated groan - and not only because they had also informed her that she could no longer eat during the process of her labor and the term 'sunny-side-up' made her desperately crave breakfast foods. She'd known what it meant right away. Logan needed some education, but as soon as he'd gotten it he understood why she was so upset. And why she was in so much pain.
Apparently, Ellie was facing the direction of Rory's abdomen. Most babies faced the opposite direction, toward their mother's spines. They assured her it wasn't a concern, even citing statistics about how most babies who start in this position flip over during the process of labor. However, they'd also explained that their daughter's uncommon position meant that her head was pressing down onto Rory's spinal cord, thus explaining the concentration of pain in her lower back and intensity of the contractions.
It was almost enough to make Logan nauseous. The idea of having a tiny human being's skull scraping along his spinal cord from inside of him sounded like a kind of torture on par with getting your fingernails pulled out or being locked in an iron maiden. He didn't understand how anyone could go through this once, let alone consider doing it again a few years afterward. But then he supposed that's why men didn't give birth.
He almost felt a strange burst of gratitude to his mother. It wasn't a feeling he felt very often, so he wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. It wasn't like Shira had ever been in the running for mother of the year. But, he couldn't help have a new appreciation for the fact that she put herself through this a second time to bring him here. And he had been breech.
Maybe it was some kind of genetic trait. Maybe there was something in his DNA that made him and his offspring ready to rebel against what was expected of them even during their birth. He really hoped that wasn't the case, because he shuddered to think of the implications. He'd really been hoping that she wouldn't inherit his tendency to be 'difficult.'
He should send his mother some flowers.
Suddenly, in some sort of strange coincidental cosmic-like event, Logan's phone started vibrating in his pocket. When he pulled it out, his father's name was flashing across the display.
He'd called him a little over an hour ago, waiting until he and Rory were at the hospital and settled in before bothering to let his parents know what was happening. They were holed up at the Vineyard anyway, so it wasn't like they'd come rushing to the hospital. Logan doubted they would come rushing to the hospital even if they were still in town.
"It's my dad," he said, looking up at Rory whose head was resting comfortably on her pillow for the time being. "Will you be okay if I step outside for a second?"
"Yeah," Rory nodded. "I'll be okay."
Logan leaned down and pressed a kiss against her brow.
"You're Wonder Woman, Ace."
"If only," Rory sighed. "Cause then you'd be Chris Pine."
Logan smiled and let out a breathy laugh. He squeezed her shoulder affectionately and assured her he would be back. Then, before he stepped out into the hallway, he flashed a small smile of acknowledgement to Lorelai as well.
She'd barely left Rory's side since the moment she'd arrived at Luke's. When the doctor assured Rory that there was no need for them to jump into the car right away and reenact a scene from The Fast and Furious on their way to the hospital, Rory had decided to go ahead and get cleaned up before they left. Logan had taken the opportunity to call her mother while she was in the shower, and all of three minutes later, Lorelai was banging down their door.
Logan was glad for it. Admittedly, there were times when Rory's freakishly close relationship with her mother left him feeling inadequate and slightly resentful - like he was constantly playing second fiddle and would never actually be able to genuinely feel like he was the most important person in Rory's life. It was why he was so sensitive about the idea of Rory telling her mother important things before she told him, and why even though things had been going relatively well between the two of them over the last few weeks, there was still some underlying tension and awkwardness to be found between them. He couldn't help but wonder if that underlying tension and awkwardness would ever completely go away.
Tonight, however, Logan wasn't feeling put off or on edge by Lorelai's presence here. Tonight, he was happy for it. He'd seen the fear and anxiety melt away from Rory's face the moment that she walked out of the bathroom and saw her mother in the apartment waiting for her. And, as much as Logan wished he could provide that for her, he knew that he simply couldn't. Not the way Lorelai could.
There were things about this that Logan simply didn't understand. Logan wasn't a woman. Logan had never given birth. Logan had never suffered through labor pains. Logan wasn't a mother. Lorelai could provide comfort and support in a way that he was simply incapable of doing, and he didn't begrudge Rory needing that from her mother in any way whatsoever.
In fact… he had to admit that he was actually a little bit jealous.
"Dad. Hey," he said as he slipped through the doorway and answered the phone.
"Just saw you called," Mitchum grumbled on the other end. "This isn't about Frank's email is it? Because I was just about to go to bed, and that can wait until tomorrow…"
Logan didn't actually have any idea what this father was talking about, but he also hadn't checked his work email since they'd left for the hospital. He was already lightyears ahead of his father when it came to the feeling that emails could wait until tomorrow. Still, it was a little surprising to hear Mitchum say the words. It seemed that the older he got, the less willing he was to be available for work twenty-four hours a day, especially when he was on his summer sojourn to the island. Not that he was complaining about it. It was just something of an adjustment.
"Uh... no it's…" Logan trailed off.
He wasn't sure why this was difficult for him to say, but the words caught in his throat for a second. Maybe it was because he was always so hesitant to include his parents in any good moment in his life for fear that they might taint it. Maybe it was because he didn't want his father to turn the birth of his child into some business-like transaction as Huntzbergers were sometimes want to do. Or maybe it was because deep down in his soul, he was a little afraid to get confirmation of the fact that he could never expect his parents to react to this news like Lorelai. Or even Emily. They weren't going to jump on the next flight home and rush to the hospital to be here. He wasn't going to get any support or comfort from the specific and pointed perspective of his own father. He'd be impressed if they even managed to cut the rest of their trip short.
He took a deep breath and just decided to cut to the chase.
"Rory's in labor."
There was a slight pause on the phone.
"Oh."
The pause that followed Mitchum's very succinct and underwhelming response was even longer than the first.
"We're at the hospital now. I just thought you should know."
"I thought you said she had a few more weeks?" Mitchum asked, prompting Logan to roll his eyes.
"Days, Dad," he answered. "I said she had a few more days."
"Oh. Well… Okay then."
Logan started shaking his head. Obviously, he'd never been through this before, so he wasn't entirely sure how parents were supposed to react to the news that their grandchildren were officially on the way, but he had a feeling from what he'd seen on television shows and how he'd witnessed Lorelai's frenzied and energetic response earlier this evening, that he was supposed to get more than a bored sounding 'Okay then.'
"Yeah," Logan confirmed. "Like I said I just… thought you should know."
"Right. Thanks."
Logan heard Mitchum clear his throat on the other end of the line. Silence fell over them once again, and Logan debated whether or not he should just go ahead and end the conversation. It's not like he expected his father to request a run down of how exactly Rory was doing, how far apart her contractions were, or how effaced she was. He was pretty sure that his dad wasn't even in the room when he and his sister had been born, so he wouldn't even know what kind of questions to ask if he actually cared.
Still, apparently Mitchum wasn't entirely devoid of any questions.
"So…" he began, pausing for a second to take a deep breath. "This is it, huh? You're gonna be a dad?"
Logan took a deep breath of his own. He stopped the pacing he'd been doing in the hall, and leaned up against the wide plastic handrail attached to the wall. He wasn't sure, but he thought he could detect a bit of pride in his father's voice.
"Yeah," said Logan. "I guess so."
"It's a tough gig, you know?" Mitchum asked. "Easy to fuck up."
Logan wasn't sure he was capable of formulating a response to that. In lieu of words, he simply scoffed. He was almost expecting his father to start running off a laundry list of all the ways in which he didn't think Logan was ready for this moment. Yet, by some grace of God it never came.
"I know," Logan said, eventually. "Thanks for reminding me."
"I guess your mother and I will head home first thing tomorrow morning. We could be there by noonish."
"Dad…." said Logan. "I don't want you to feel like you have to cut -"
"Logan, stop being ridiculous. Your girlfriend is in labor. We're cutting our trip short."
Logan actually allowed himself to revel in a rare moment of unexpected surprise at his parents. He knew that they were excited about the baby in the abstract. They were excited that he was finally procreating. But, he doubted very much that this mother was all that interested in being here to offer Rory any affection or support. And his dad, though far more open to the idea of Rory being the mother of his grandchildren, was still his dad. It was still hard to believe that Mitchum would want to leave his cushy home in the Vineyard with warm beaches, endless Yacht parties, and endless lobster dinners to come and sit in a stuffy hospital - granddaughter or not.
Being around for major family events had never really been a primary motivator for him in the past. Though, he supposed he had been there when Honor had given birth to the boys. But Honor was Honor. Honor was his golden child. Logan was… not.
"Okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then…" said Logan.
"Are you still taking time for…"
Logan rolled his eyes. Mitchum couldn't even bring himself to utter the words 'paternity leave.' The entire concept was so completely and thoroughly foreign to him. As far as he was concerned, it wasn't right. It was unnatural. Though, he supposed that he should be impressed that his father was even asking.
"Just a couple weeks," he said.
"And you sent in all the documentation? It's not like you need it approved, but it still needs to be on record, you know?"
"I've dotted all my Is and crossed all my Ts," Logan assured.
"Good," said Mitchum. Logan could almost hear the nod he was probably giving on the other end of the line. "I'll call you tomorrow when we're almost there."
"Okay. Sounds good," Logan replied. He was about to say his final goodbyes, but suddenly thought better of it. "Hey, Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Are there any uh….strings... you could pull to get Rory to the top of the epidural list? She's having a pretty rough go of it."
"I can make a few calls. See what I can do," said Mitchum. "But I can't guarantee anything."
"Sure. Thanks," said Logan. He tried to shove his embarrassment down far enough that his father wouldn't pick up on it. All his life people had accused him of throwing his father's name around to get what he wanted. But, the truth was he hated asking his father for any favors like this. He just hated seeing Rory in so much pain even more.
"It's no problem," Mitchum replied.
"Right," said Logan with a final nod. "Well… talk to you later then."
"Talk to you later," Mitchum echoed. "And, Logan…"
"What?" Logan asked.
Mitchum paused once more time, building up some tension as Logan wondered what he was going to say. His parting words were often his most powerful. They were the most effective way he had of getting in Logan's head. He would hear them and sometimes obsess over what they meant for hours.
He wasn't sure what to expect. It could be a cold vote of no confidence of Logan's ability to be a father. I could be a tongue in cheek joke about how his life was officially ending now that he had a child. It could be some kind of threat about how having a family better not get in the way of his duties to the business. Logan wasn't, however, expecting it to be a somewhat sincere and pride laden echo of a comment that he'd already made months ago.
"Congratulations, Daddy."
"Okay, Dad…" the nurse said cheerfully as she gently pushed Logan toward the head of Rory's bed. "I need you to stand right here, and in a couple seconds when it's time to start pushing you can help brace her leg."
Lorelai was standing back by the window in her daughter's hospital room. She'd been there since the doctor and the team of nurses had descended upon the bed after Rory had informed them in no uncertain terms that she had to start pushing. They'd checked her right away after she'd uttered the statement, and had thankfully found that it was, in fact, time for her to start pushing.
It was a good thing too. Because Lorelai was quickly getting to the point where if they made her daughter wait one more second to do what her body was clearly screaming at her to do, she wasn't sure what she would have done. She'd always joked that when it came to seeing her daughter in pain she was liable to fly off the handle and reenact the scene from Terms of Endearment. But, tonight, seeing her daughter write around in the most pain she'd ever been in, Lorelai had come dangerously close to making that joke become a literal reality.
She'd been able to keep herself together while they were waiting for the epidural, but only just. If five more minutes had passed before the anesthesiologist walked into the room, she probably would have lost it. She'd been so grateful to see the man with the drugs enter that she hadn't even said anything when the first thing he did was pointedly address Logan by the name 'Mr. Huntzberger' and apologize to him for making them wait for so long.
She was pretty sure Rory was the one who deserved the apology, and she was sure that she would feel plenty salty about it later. Honestly, she already was. But the sight of the man at the time had been so welcome that she'd been too filled with relief to worry about anything else.
Ultimately, the epidural had helped to take some of the edge off of the pain, but Rory was still feeling some pretty intense pressure from the contractions and a strong urge to push. The doctor and the nursing staff had all tried to convince her that it was a good thing, that it would speed the pushing stage of labor along. But they didn't know Rory. Lorelai knew that if it was an option Rory probably would have opted to be completely sedated and unconscious while giving birth. She'd much rather not feel anything at all.
The only comfort she could give her now was that it was almost over. Hopefully, in a few more minutes she'd be done and holding her little girl. And if Rory was anything like Lorelai, as soon as that baby was in her arms she wouldn't be thinking about a single thing that had come before.
"Okay, Rory," Dr. Kothari said from between her legs. "Are you ready?"
Lorelai couldn't make much out from her position in the room, but she could see Rory nod her head furiously in response. She watched Logan lean down and kiss her forehead, whispering words of encouragement just before the doctor instructed her to bear down and start pushing as hard as she could. His right hand was wrapped around the back of her thigh, and his left was clasped tightly in hers.
From his view he could see everything.
Lorelai felt a twinge in her heart at the sight of him standing in the position that she had just a few months ago thought would be hers. She knew it wasn't the time to feel jealous, but when the nurses had all but pushed her out of the way while making special accomodation for him, she was suddenly hit with the realization she would not be holding her daughter's hand through this.
She'd always thought she'd be holding her daughter's hand through this.
"Great job, mama," one of the nurses said as she started checking something on the monitors around the bed. Rory finished pushing and collapsed back against her mattress.
"How ya feeling?" Logan asked, his voice comforting yet excited at the same time.
"I'm okay," Rory replied breathlessly. "It feels good to push."
"Good," Logan replied with a wide smile. "You're doing such a good job."
He was so happy.
Lorelai wasn't sure she'd ever seen him this genuinely happy. Sure, she'd seen Logan smile and laugh and carry on in various different social settings, but she'd never seen him behave this way before. He was practically giddy. His joy was so pure and authentic, and she was beginning to suspect that perhaps Rory had a point. She wasn't sure she really knew Logan at all. Because she'd never met this guy before.
If she had, perhaps she wouldn't have been so surprised to see how… wonderful Logan had been all night. She'd somewhat expected him to take a bit of a backseat. She knew the men of his world, the kind that were perfectly content pacing the waiting room with a cigar while their wives did all the grueling work of labor themselves. Part of her expected him to be the same.
Sure, she realized that Logan would be in the room. But, she hadn't expected him to be as active and attentive as he'd been. He'd barely gotten any sleep all night, only dozing off during the moments when Rory was finally able to settle for a few minutes after getting the epidural. Yet, as soon as Rory was up and awake from the pressure or discomfort, Logan was at her side ready to do whatever she needed.
She almost felt a bit useless.
"Alright, here we go again," Dr. Kothari said, breaking Lorelai out of her thoughts. "Push, Rory."
The pushing continued for a few minutes, Rory giving it everything she could during each passing contraction and Logan coaching her and supporting her each and every step of the way. He remained cool and calm, offering the same encouraging platitudes over and over again until after one particularly grueling push session, he completely changed tone.
"Holy shit, Ace!" he cried after making the decision to peek around the legs that he was helping to hold up in the stirrups.
"What?!" Rory cried as she slumped back against her pillow. "Did you look? Why did you look?! It's World War Three down there!"
"It's definitely a war zone, but I can see her. I can see the top of her head."
Logan didn't seem at all horrified by the glance he'd taken. The wide smile was still spread across his face. If anything, it had actually grown at the sight.
"You can?" Rory asked, her voice wavering with emotion. Apparently, she had teared up a bit, because Lorelai saw Logan reach down to brush his thumb across her cheeks.
"We sure can," Dr. Kothari confirmed. "We're almost there. Big push coming up."
Rory's eyes closed and her face contorted from the effort as she started straining as hard as she could. This time, Logan's gaze left her face while she pushed, and he peeked over her knee once again. From her vantage point, Lorelai couldn't see the battle going on down south as her daughter brought her granddaughter into the world, but she could see Logan's face. Pure shock and awe was written all over him as he watched what happened.
"Oh...fuck!" he exclaimed. "She's here, Ace. Her head is out."
"She is?!"
Rory momentarily tried to lean forward in some kind of reflexive urge to see her baby's head as soon as possible. Realizing it was futile, she sat back again, having to satisfy the need by listening to Logan's descriptions while the nurses rushed to clear out the baby's nose and mouth.
"She is," Logan repeated with a dazed smile. "She's got two eyes and two ears and two nostrils and everything."
"She's a pretty girl," one of the nurses chimed with an encouraging smile.
"Alright, Rory," the doctor continued while she cradled the baby's head in her gloved hands. "'I just need one more small push, okay?"
In a matter of seconds, a piercing cry filled the hospital room. A look of sheer bliss passed over Rory's face as the doctor placed the squirming purple infant directly onto her chest. Rory was crying almost as hard as the baby and Logan had succumbed to some tears as well. Lorelai's own eyes had already filled with tears minutes ago, so there wasn't much of a change for her.
"Hi, Ellie," Rory greeted. "I'm your mama."
She was so enamored with the sight in front of her that she barely even noticed the nursing staff crowding around them to wipe the baby down and suck out more fluid from her nose, mouth, and ears.
"You did good, Ace!" Logan cheered. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips, one that Rory happily returned. When they broke apart and looked down at the baby again, Logan reached his hand out and placed it over the crown of her head, and his thumb started stroking over the fine light colored hair growing there.
"She's so beautiful," Rory cried, hugging the child as close to her as she could possibly manage.
Lorelai needed to get a better look for herself. She had no doubt that the baby was beautiful. She didn't think it was possible that Rory could create anything that wasn't beautiful, but she'd waited long enough for confirmation. She took a step closer to the bed, anxious to join in the celebration. But, she was stopped cold by the next words out of Logan's mouth.
"She's perfect."
She was suddenly transported back thirty-three years to the moment where she had been sitting in her own hospital bed, so insistent that the tiny wrinkly thing in her arms was the most perfect creation ever to grace the planet, waiting for someone to agree with her - for someone else to see what was so abundantly clear to her. But, it never came.
"So perfect…" Rory echoed.
Lorelai watched the two new parents as they gazed down at their perfect creation, and she realized in that moment that she didn't belong there. Not right now. This was their moment to bask in together, not hers. She felt so lucky to see it, but she wasn't a part of it. Not until they wanted her to be.
"Okay, Daddy," one of the nurses suddenly cut in, ending the poignant moment. "Are you ready to cut the cord?"
Logan looked like he'd almost entirely forgotten about this part. He got excited again, jumping into action right away. As the nurse clamped the cord and indicated to him where to place the shears, Rory lost herself once again in the crying little bundle still resting against the skin of her chest.
She ran a hand over her hair and the tip of her finger along her nose. She played with the tiny little fingers on her hands and made little shushing noises in an effort to sooth her from the trauma of being born. Lorelai was just as lost in watching her own baby, so much so that she was taken off guard when Rory's eyes suddenly snapped up at met hers.
"Mom!" she cried. "Look!"
Lorelai beamed at her and finally allowed herself to take a step closer to the bed.
"She's incredible, kid," she said.
Her voice wavered the closer she got. Incredible was an understatement. Looking down at the little girl was like traveling in time. She looked so much like Rory had when she'd been born. Though, Lorelai could already see the golden twinge to her hair as the lights shined on the baby's head.
"You did such a good job," she continued, reaching out to brush some sweaty strands of hair off Rory's forehead. "You didn't need me here after all."
It hurt to say the words out loud, mainly because they were so true.
"But I wanted you here."
Lorelai let out an emotional sigh. She didn't think it was possible for her to get any more teary eyed, but it turned out that it absolutely was.
For the longest time, Lorelai had been so uncomfortable with the fact that Rory didn't need her the way that she once had. She thought that it meant that they would inevitably grow apart, that the less Rory needed from her the less important their bond would become.
But wasn't this the ultimate goal? To have a smart, driven, capable daughter with a fulfilling life? To have a daughter that didn't need her to live her life but wanted her to be a part of it?
"And I'm so glad you wanted me here," she replied.
She lost Rory's attention once again as the baby continued to fuss, and with one reassuring squeeze of Rory's shoulder she started to back away.
"I'm going to go find Grandma and Luke."
Rory nodded and mumbled her understanding, but in the end she barely noticed that Lorelai was leaving. Logan was similarly entranced, but Lorelai didn't mind. She smiled at them one more time as she took a final look back at the scene from the doorway.
Just a few steps down the hallway, Lorelai turned the corner into the waiting room where her mother and her husband had been sitting for about the last thirty minutes. They'd stepped out when it was clear Rory was getting close, wanting to offer her as much privacy as possible. There was also the fact that neither one of them was entirely keen on the idea of witnessing another person give birth, even if that someone was Rory.
Luke's knee was bouncing as he leaned forward in his chair with his chin in his hands, and Emily was mindlessly flipping through a magazine. Though, Lorelai had a feeling that she wasn't retaining much information. As soon as the sound of her footsteps became noticeable, they both looked up at her with expectant expressions.
"She's here," said Lorelai. Emily smiled radiantly and Luke burst up from his seat. "She's got all ten fingers, all ten toes, and she's definitely got the Gilmore lungs. Rory did great."
"What's her name?" Emily asked.
"Ellie. Short for Lorelai."
Lorelai took a deep breath. Up until this point, it had been difficult for her to say her granddaughter's full name out loud. Though for some reason, after finally seeing her face for the first time it suddenly felt right.
"Lorelai Grace Huntzberger."
TBC….
AN: And there you have it, ladies and gentleman. She has arrived. Baby Huntz is here. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Don't forget to leave a review!
