Happy Birthday Phantom of the Opera Musical. Thank you Andrew Lloyd Webber for the Michael Crawford chat and your piano medley. I watched the free streaming version of the 25th last night even though I own it. Did anyone else?

Then I watched my other favorite Phantom, Davis Gaines on Youtube.

Wishing you all the best. Please follow or review this story if you have enjoyed it.

This chapter has been a challenge to clean up. It is done and now links well with the future chapters. I was inspired by all things Phantom that I indulged in last night. I found Hadley Frasier'sperformance as Raoul lovely again and it helped me to write Raoul.

Chapter 31: Say You'll Love Me

There was a knock at my door as I finished securing my practice skirt. Madame Giry had noted something in our dance performance the previous night that was lacking so we found ourselves with an extra practice the following morning. My thoughts traveled to what performance heights would the opera house achieve if she and Erik were given free reign.

"Good Morning Christine," Megs, sunny disposition greeted me as I stepped into the hallway.

"Good Morning Meg," I said, closing the door behind me.

"Has there been any word from your Angel?" she asked.

My eyes cast down and I touched his ring on my right hand. "Unfortunately, no."

"Mama, has promised to try and reach him," she said.

"I know and it is good of her. I just keep reflecting on the events between him and I and how it could have been different. I regret not running after him, Meg," I said with a sigh.

"Meg have you given any consideration to reading with me?" I asked.

"Christine, I don't want to take your time. It doesn't really matter if I can't read. I can dance. Mama has tried to teach me in the past but I am hopeless."

"I doubt that you are as hopeless as you say. Meg, reading is important. I hate to say this aloud but your mother will not always be here to read for you. You would be able to read your own contract and make sure the managers are honest with you. I will take pleasure in helping you. You and your mother have been so generous. Please allow me to it's the least I can do"

"Very well, though I am warning you I will not be disappointed if you throw up your hands and tell me to dance instead," she said with a chuckle linking her arm in mine.

So Meg and I set aside time after breakfast to read together. At first she was shy to read in front of me. "Remember how I danced to begin with. We all have to start somewhere," I said encouragingly. She was struggling. "Meg, let me grab some paper." We went over the basics but there was still something about her response that was pulling at my brain. "How do you learn choreography best, Meg?" I asked.

She looked at me curiously. I elaborated. "Do you prefer to see the whole sequence of moves or to try the steps and patterns as you learn the sequence?"

She took on a thoughtful expression. "I think I prefer to try the steps as I go."

"I have an idea. Come with me Meg," I pulled at her arm, taking the papers we had sprawled on together with us.

Backstage I found the shallow wooden tray of powder the dancer stepped in before going on stage. Come sit here beside me I said, patting the ground. "Meg, I want you to draw the letters and say the sounds with me." She gave me a perplexed look. "Here like this," and I took my finger and drew in the dust and said the sound that accompanied the letter. Thus we made a morning ritual of the dust and built up her vocabulary.

A week later, Meg said to me after we made it to complex words and sentences. "I am really doing this. Thank you Christine," and I got a dust covered embrace. "You are so patient with me Christine. You are a good teacher."

In truth she was progressing rapidly and we soon advanced to printed material. I was grateful for the distraction. When I was reading with Meg, I couldn't think of Erik. I enjoyed listening to her voice.

I still had no word from Erik. I had written Raoul a note heeding Madame Giry's advice, letting him know that I needed time and I wasn't prepared to be courted.

"How is your gentleman friend? asked Raoul, having approached me backstage.

I looked down, fiddling with his ring. "I don't know I have still not heard from him again."

"I am sorry Christine," he said and laid his hand on top of mine. I felt so conflicted. Raoul wanted more and I wasn't ready or able to share more of myself with him.

"Let's see if I can bring a smile to that face." he said, pulling a single rose out from behind his back and handing it to me. I blushed and smiled in spite of myself. "There is that beautiful Daee smile."

"Raoul, I mean Monseuri Vicomte, I can't accept these gifts," I said shaking my head. His rose spoke of love, which I was not ready to accept or give to him.

"The flower has perished already. Do not let its death be in vain. Let it bring you a small amount of joy," he said.

Weeks passed and I divided my time with rehearsals, reading with Meg, comradery with the cast and weekly tea with Madame Giry.

Reading with Meg did much to ease my worries. She was progressing and I found myself in search of new material for her to read. "Meg you are such a quick study. You are a changed woman now. You read with a voraciousness that none shall dare impose upon you for a lack of reading comprehension." I had taken to collecting the day old papers that were left in the lobby or manager's office. She and I had become quite versed in the happenings of Paris much as Erik and I used to do.

"Oh Christine, It says here that the population of Paris continues to grow but so does the disparity between the wealthy and the poor. It is said that about 76% of Parisians are near poverty while 24% of the population is middle class or wealthy. Based on the numbers we are a part of the 76%, Christine. The government fears that the great divide will result in even more unrest in the city. How can this be changed?"

"I don't know, but I do know that education, being able to read will allow those that can read not to be taken advantage of. This is why I wanted you to be able to read. I couldn't abide the thought of anyone, let alone the managers' playing on your ignorance, Meg. You are providing them with a service and you should be duly compensated for your talent."

I was headed to my dressing room for my cloak. I had been ruminating on Erik lately and felt maybe being outside in the crisp winter air would alter my mood. I made haste down the corridor set on my mission. A voice called out to me pulling me back from my thoughts of the outdoors.

"How have you been Christine?" I turned to find that Raoul had run after me.

He was often at the theater and I began to wonder how he made a living and then I recalled that he had a fortune and did not have to work as the rest of the world did. I didn't mean to resent him and what he stood for but I did as I recalled Meg's article and felt how tired I was. "I am good Monsieur Vicomte. The show is going well."

"I see Carlotta continues to be tamed," he spoke.

It was true she was nicer, but his word choice bothered me. "She is kinder." I replied.

"How is Madame and Mademoiselle Giry?" he asked.

I thought, he is trying to talk to you and you are barely responding. He has done nothing wrong and is a product of his birth. If you can forgive Erik for his actions, can you not forgive Raoul for his sheltered upbringing. "Well, Meg was reading the paper to me and we were discussing the disparity between the wealthy and the poor." Maybe I hadn't quite forgiven him.

"What a weighty topic for young women to discuss." he stated.

I bristled. I reminded myself, he is not being sexist, that is his comfort level which fits with the decade we live in. In fairness, maybe I just needed to show him the real me and see how he responds. "Well we were trying to figure out how to correct the disparity but in a fair way," I replied.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"We are not saying that the wealthy should give their money away but that the cost of goods and services needs to change so that the working class are duly compensated for their work. The wealth will trickle down, capitalism, in a nutshell. And women should have the right to vote." I was certain Christine would never have said such a thing to Raoul.

"You are quite the progressive my dear, you have interesting ideas. It's refreshing," he commented. I think instead of dissuading him that I was an unfit partner for him, he found my radical ideas more endearing. Was there anything this man found unfavorable about me?

"Good day Monsieur Vicomte," I said nodding my head and continuing on my way down the corridor determined to be outside. I was glad he had not seen me in my cloak for surely he would have asked to accompany me and I wasn't sure how I would have dissuaded him.

The door to Carlotta's dressing room was ajar so I stopped to give a greeting, "Good Morning, Senoria."

"Come in Christine," she called.

I entered her inner sanctum. The huge wardrobe that dominated the wall was overflowing with clothing and furs. The wall paper was a colorful and busy pattern that in combination with the flowers and notes from admirers felt like a barrage on my visual and olfactory senses. Like my room a large mirror dominated another wall reflecting the business of the room.

She was at her vanity primping while sipping a cup of tea and had turned to me and said. Please have a seat," while gesturing to her settee. I moved one of her countess costumes to the edge, clearing a space for myself. I gingerly sat down, unsure of why she wanted to talk to me.

She set her tea cup down and spoke to me, "Christine, thank you for putting up with my rudeness. I know I haven't been kind."

Wait did I hear that right? Did the diva apologize? "Thank you Seniora. I only want to learn from you," I replied graciously.

"I know but I fear you may replace me permanently." She confessed taking a sip of her tea.

"I can not replace you. There are many roles that we each may be cast for and I do not desire the lead." I spoke the truth. It was Erik that wanted me to dominate the stage.

"I realize I have been selfish," she said. "It is hard to be a single woman in this world."

"Yes it is Seniora."

"I overheard you tell the Vicomte that women should vote. Do you think we will ever get the vote? Do you think the vote would change anything?" she questioned.

"It would mean that we had a voice. We could work to have women voted into office, that would be able to further our cause with laws. Yes, I do believe we will have the vote and that changes will happen."

"I think I have misjudged you, Christine. I will talk to Monsieur Reyer," she said, setting her tea cup back in its saucer.

"Whatever for Seniora?" I asked.

"I would like some time off. It is very demanding to be the diva. I will recommend that Monsieur Reyer allow you to sing one show a week in my stead. I have had more requests to give private concerts and I need to rest my voice. This would be good for your career my dear. They are already paying you so I do not think our managers will object."

"Thank you Senora. It is most kind of you. Have a lovely day. I look forward to hearing you sing tonight." It was the truth. Her voice had lost its sharpness and her performance had become nuanced, drawing the audience in.

"Thank you, Christine," she smiled and I took my leave of her.

After the show that night, Raoul approached me, a rose in hand. "Here's to the newest Diva and the Opera Popular. I heard Carlotta offered you one night a week.'

"Thank you Monsieur Vicomte. How is your brother and his family?" I asked Raoul.

"Phillipe is good. He wants me to settle down. Christine, we have been getting along. May I have permission to court you? Your Angel of Music is not coming back. It has been weeks. Please give me a chance to show you how much I love you and I will cherish you."

What did I want? I wanted more time. Raoul was here, wanting me but with Raoul I didn't know if I could be myself. He came with a family, a title, and all the societal responsibilities. Life with Erik would be simpler in some ways. It would just be us. But Raoul is here and Erik is not. What should I do? I heard Carlotta's voice saying that it was hard to be a single woman. Was it better to be single? Could I afford to be single? How long would Raoul wait? I hadn't heard from Erik in over a month. I needed to talk to Erik.

"I enjoyed our lunches and talks after rehearsal and I thank you for being patient with me. I think I am overwhelmed by the idea of a marriage to an important man such as yourself. You have known your whole life what responsibilities your title implies. I have grown up in such a different world and I am not sure I would make a good Vicomtesse. My answer right now is no."

He took both my hands in his and raised them to his lips and his breath tickled my knuckles as his lips bestowed a kiss on them. "Christine, you would make a wonderful Vicomtesse. You are such a kind soul that I believe everyone would love you as I do."

He does not know me. I have only really been myself around Erik because I was comfortable with him. I would have to explain to Raoul that I was not Christine if I were to ever truly share with him who I was. Would he believe me or think me mad? Or did I create a false life with him living as Christine? I wanted a relationship and eventually a marriage built on mutual trust with not falsities. Here I was living the greatest untruth of all, pretending I was Christine with her memories and I was not her.

Would Raoul love the independent woman that was me?

"Christine, Christine," he said her name again. "You were staring off into the distance. Is being with me such a chore?" he asked.

I turned to him, tears welling up in my eyes to hear him say her name.

"What is wrong Christine?" and he brushed my tears with his fingertips, prompting me to cry even more.

"I can't explain just yet, but I need more time Raoul," I begged.

"Shh, I am sorry I am rushing you. You must have something weighing you down to bring you to tears."

"I do, Raoul, but I am not ready to burden you with my woes."

"Come here, my sweet," and he opened his arms and I entered the hug, taking comfort from him. He did not excite my heart but he offered me friendship with a good man. My readings of the Victorian Time period told me mine or Christine's story was very much a Cinderella story. Opera performers did not marry good men that were also a Vicomte. I cried harder for what I saw as my stupidity for holding back from him. "I will take care of you, Christine, if you will let me."

I wasn't Christine and I needed to let him decide and not just guess at what he would do when faced with an independent woman from 2017. Courting did not mean marriage, right?

"Yes," I heard myself saying. "You may court me."

"You have made me most happy," and he hugged me tighter before releasing me.

"What has made you change your mind though?" he asked, taking a step back to study my face.

"I am fearful that you will not like me when you get to know me. I realized that I need to be honest with you and not guess what your response might be."

"Don't worry, my love and I do know you." How little did he really know me?

Oh Erik, I want you.

I was a bundle of nerves. I wrote Erik a note when I returned to my dressing room.

Dear Erik,

How are you? I miss you. I find you are right that life is different for women here. I am fearful of surviving in 1880 alone because women have so little rights in this time. I love you and I miss you so much. Please let me know if there is a chance for us.

Raoul is very persistent and I caved in today when he asked to court me again. He is a good man but he is not you. I want to marry for love and not only friendship. It is you, dear Erik, that I long for. I could be myself with you because you loved me, and not Christine. Please come back to me.

Your Angel

The letter did disappear when I returned to check the alcove in Box 5. It gave me hope that he was still checking in on me. Surely he would not want me to be with Raoul, when I wanted him more. A week passed and still there was no word from Erik.

If at all possible Raoul radiated happiness like the sun gives off warmth. I asked Meg and Madame Giry to chaperone by accompanying us for our twice weekly lunches. He had accomplished his goal and I felt like a trophy on his arm at lunch and the open carriage rides in the park. I didn't know if it was him or just simply me chafing at the gender role of the time period. I tried engaging him in philosophical debates. He was too agreeable to discuss or even to debate with me. Be fair to him, I told myself. You have yet to really be yourself with him. He does not know you.

The following week on my next day off I found myself in a carriage once more with Raoul headed to his ancestral home. As we rounded the bend I gasped. Surely I wasn't going to be dining at Pemberley. Raoul was more a Mr. Bingly than a Mr. Darcy I thought.

We were led into the large sitting room. My eyes traveled from the large paintings on the walls to the high ceilings. Asian vases decorated the mantle and bookended the fireplace. Vases of flowers adorn the table tops. Large blue curtains framed the windows. The open lands in the distance beyond the curated gardens beckoned to me. I was introduced to Phillipe and his wife, the Countess Madeleine de Chagny. I curtsied to her and Phillipe. "I can't quite place the name, Daee, but it feels familiar. Have I met other members of your family?" he asked.

"Her father, Gustavo Daee, played violin throughout the great venues of Europe." said Raoul proudly. I saw Madeleine and Phillipe exchange a look. Raoul was oblivious to their glances plowing on, "And Christine is a dancer and soprano at the Palais Garnier. Phillip was there, the preview night she replaced. Seniora Giudicelli. She was marvelous, an angel of music," he gushed.

Madeleine gave Phillip a different sort of look. Raoul wasn't thinking, he was in no way endearing me to his sister in law. I dare not bring up the name of our Prima Ballerina, Soreillie, Phillipe's mistress. Dinner was interesting. I didn't really care what the Count and Countess thought of me. I didn't provoke them but I didn't go out of my way to appease them. I wanted to know how I would fit in the family dynamic. Raoul, however, was trying so hard to please them. He really was a good man. If I didn't have to deal with his brother and sister in-law except at holidays there might be a future for me with Raoul.

Please leave a review, like, and or follow this story if you have been reading it and would like to receive alerts when the next chapters are released. I know we are suppose to be shipping EC but he is just not surfacing. Erik, where are you?