Morning comes too quickly. I stayed up late with Garrus, Solana, and some of the crew. We spent the entire night laughing - mostly at Solana's stories and jokes about Garrus, much to the crew's delight. Even after hearing Garrus's father suggest that he marry someone else and keep me as some kind of committed sidepiece, it ends up being a great day. I'd even go so far as to say it's worth having Castis here to have met Solana. Garrus was right when he said that we would hit it off immediately.
It's an added bonus that having Solana around helps Garrus relax a little, too. He's still on edge all night about tomorrow, and I can't blame him for that, but his sister manages to put him at ease. And then when we finally go to bed alone, Garrus makes love to me slowly with a passion that pulses through the room. He whispers how much he loves me over and over, and then we fall apart together before falling asleep together.
But now, too soon, it's morning. Garrus barely got any sleep, I know, and I wake up on his chest with his talon's running lightly up and down my spine. I nuzzle my face into his throat, listening to the steady pound of his heart and wishing I could stay here all day.
"Make sure your wife enjoys math as much as you do," I tell him, my voice muffled in his throat. "Only one of your future spouses should have to deal with that."
Garrus laughs in a surprised way, squeezing me tight. "Will do. And if you marry someone else...oh, who am I kidding, I'd kill the bastard." He jumps when I poke his side, and we laugh together. It's what I need this morning, more than anything else. More than our usual morning activities. Well...maybe I still need those a little.
I straddle Garrus's hips and sit up, looking down at him while running my hands up his chest and finding the spaces between his plates that he likes touched. He moans softly and rolls his hips, not hard yet, and squeezing my thighs under his hands.
"I'm...nervous," I admit. "Do I know the visor well enough to wear it? I haven't had equipment that new in a long time."
"You don't have to use any of the features on it if you don't want," he assures me. "I showed you them so you have them if you want. As long as you keep the video feed on, I'm good. And for you, that doesn't look any different, does it?"
"No, you're right, it doesn't." I take a deep breath, curling my fingers into his carapace and squeezing lightly. He shifts under me, not completely able to hide the effect a touch there has on him, but he keeps quiet and stills his hands. He's listening, not trying to distract me. And that's not at all what I need right now. "Is it awful that I just don't want to think about it until I'm heading down there? I'm as ready as I'm gonna be, I just - "
Garrus takes hold of my hips and flips us, bringing me to the bed underneath him. "Need a distraction, my love?" he asks, already nipping down my neck with clear instead to keep moving lower.
"God, yes," I answer, fisting the sheets and spreading my legs for him gratefully. "I need you."
"You have me," he purrs against my stomach, one hand coming up to my breast while the other pushes one of my legs back. He shifts to kiss my knee, trailing his tongue and teeth down my thigh at a painfully slow pace while tugging and tweaking my nipple. "Relax, baby," he murmurs, his breath ghosting over my clit. "Let me ease your mind for a little while."
I wish I had the frame of mind or the conscious control over myself to respond to that, to say something even if it's not sexy or charming. And instead the most I can manage is a weak version of his name, already wanton and whimpering before his tongue touches me. Garrus is playful, gentle, patient. It feels incredible. I almost hate him for it.
"Please," I beg, tilting my hips toward his face. I could plead with him all day, and we know it's not going to get me anywhere. Garrus makes sure that my mind isn't on anything at all, maybe unable to focus on anything ever again, and then shatters me at every level. I lose all sense of my surroundings, I couldn't even tell you what Aratoht is. All I need in the universe is his perfect, long, incredible tongue.
Garrus flips me onto my stomach before the orgasm has completely released me, my body limp. He leaves me flat on my stomach and enters me slowly, pressing my legs closed with his knees outside mine. He moves slowly and in long strokes, moaning and growling softly in my ear. He starts to pick up his pace, pushing me higher again and again, then stops to roll me onto my side. He keeps my legs closed still but goes harder this time, fucking me steadily.
His forehead presses against the side of my head, and he nuzzles, fisting his hand in my hair and using the other hand to pin my wrists. "How's this for a distraction, my love?" he asks so softly I can barely hear him over the growl in his chest. "You feeling properly distracted?"
"Yes," I manage, my voice hoarse and raspy. "Don't stop, Garrus."
"Never, Elle," he growls, pounding harder inside me and using the hold on my hair to pull my head back so my throat is exposed to him. "I'm gonna put my mark on your throat and spend the rest of my life making you feel good. Only you."
I know the addition is there because of what happened yesterday, because of his father's horrible plan to save Garrus's place in the hierarchy. It made me feel sick, the very idea, but I have no fear or worry that Garrus would do that to me. He loves me, and it amazes me that he can show it with his body as well as his words. Right now, he's using that body to drive me wild.
Garrus goes until I'm barely more than a panting, sweating heap of well-fucked flesh and then he kisses and praises me until I feel like a beautiful heap of flesh. It's exactly the distraction I needed, and coming down from the high in Garrus's arms after is perfect.
But it can't last forever. By the time we're in the shower, neither of us can stop thinking about where we're heading, what's coming later today. An end is coming to our morning tied up in each other, and we're going to be at a bigger distance than we have been for a long time - at least emotionally. It doesn't help that I know Garrus would still like to talk me out of going. Actually, I think he'd like to be able to forbid me, to extend the boundaries of our power exchange to another part of our life for once. He won't ask or try; he respects me too much. Part of me kind of wishes he would.
I'm as prepared for this and capable of success as I could possibly be...unless I had a team with me. Solo missions have never really been my thing, not at any rank. And I think it's much worse now that I have so much to live for. But really, that's why I have to go. I want to help Hackett and I want to save Dr. Amanda Kenson, but more than anything, I want that Reaper artifact, and I want to know why Kenson believes the invasion is impending. I'll do whatever it takes for that, even if it means going down to Aratoht by myself.
After I get dressed and get my armor on, I pull my hair up into the bun I usually wear on missions. Garrus stands behind me in the bathroom, and I watch him in the mirror while he fits his visor properly to my head. His finger runs over the names engraved on the visor, and he gives a sad smile. "They would have loved serving with you."
"I wish I'd known them," I tell him softly. Garrus takes a soft breath, and I know he's thinking about what Sidonis said, that Garrus would have left his team on Omega if I'd returned before they died. I lean back into him and pull his arms around me. "Thank you for helping me get ready for today. I'd be terrified if it wasn't for you."
"Is it okay if I am kind of terrified?" he replies, not meeting my eyes.
I turn around and duck my head to catch his gaze. "I love how much you love me. And I'm coming back to you, big guy. I always will."
Garrus grins and leans down, kissing me softly and lingering. "I don't doubt that you'll be back. I just hate that I won't be on your six. That feels...wrong."
"I'm going to feel like I'm missing a limb down there," I confess. "But I won't be without you completely." I tap the visor and then flash him a grin of my own. "Maybe later I can film you on your knees."
"Tell you what," he breathes, pulling me against him so firmly that I'm lifted right off my feet. "You come back safely, and I might just be so grateful that I let you do whatever you'd like to me."
"Well, shit, let's get this over with and get back into bed. Mmm or maybe the Main Battery. I'd love you to take me against the only other thing on this ship that turns you on consistently." Garrus growls and squeezes me closer for one more brief kiss before letting me down to my feet. "You ready?"
"I am if you are."
"I am," I assure him. "We get this done, move our mission forward, and then tell your dad off a little before throwing him off the ship."
"Can't wait, baby."
"Comm check, Shepard."
"Loud and clear, big guy." She's the same, her voice unbroken over the comms in the cockpit where we're watching her shuttle approach Aratoht. She'll land about a hundred yards from the prison and over a ridge where she won't be seen. It's raining when she jumps out of the shuttle, but Shepard moves quickly despite it.
"How are you feeling?" Solana asks kindly. She's sitting on the arm of the chair Jack is in, the little biotic determined to be closest to the screen. I can't sit still so it's just as well. My father is behind me, standing in the doorway to the cockpit; he hasn't said a word all morning, and I don't mind. Joker and Tali are in the pilot and navigator seats, and the rest of the crew is milling around the bridge and the CIC, pretending they're not anxious for my sake.
"I'll be fine once this is done," I tell my sister. It's the best I can offer right now with Shepard on a hostile planet. Solana smiles like she understands that and reaches up to squeeze my hand.
"I'm on approach," Shepard confirms, the rain picking up enough to obscure a bit of the visor view. I can see the building, though. She's going in through a back basement door we were able to find with surveillance and some creative hacking the Alliance probably wouldn't approve of for their mission. Or my father, for that matter.
There's no one around, and I can hear the rain echoing. "Silencer is on, right?"
"Yes, Garrus," she answers patiently, a bit of a laugh in her voice. "Don't you remember checking it three times before I got on the shuttle? Or are you forgetting things in your old age?"
"Hilarious, kid. Shut up and get in there." Her laugh eases some of the hell ravaging my heart at the moment.
"Questioning your commanding officer, Garrus," my father mutters from behind me. His voice has the opposite effect of Shepard's. "You should know better."
"I'm not questioning my commander," I counter, "I'm checking on my bondmate."
It's the first time I've said that out loud in public, and it comes with a weird form of relief. The data on Shepard's visor picks up a huge leap in her heart rate; hearing it has the same effect on her apparently. Tali and my sister squeal, too, Solana looking up at me with a beaming smile.
I don't need to worry about my father's reaction to it; the people who matter are excited for us. Granted, Shepard needs to get home for it not to be devastating. I swallow to quell the bile threatening in my throat and focus on the screen and Shepard's soft breathing over the comms.
Shepard makes her way to a door past some industrial systems, then uses the visor like an old pro to find the power relay near a door into the building. It's not difficult for her to cut the power - a sign of Batarian ego that they aren't worried about anyone getting in here - and the door unlocks immediately.
As we watch, Shepard pauses just before the door, and I hear her take a deep breath. "You've got this," I tell her, glad I manage to keep my voice calm.
"You have me?" she mutters. Her voice, by contrast, is a little tight. I think it has more to do with knowing other people are hearing her ask that than anything else, but the question makes me smile. It helps a little to know I can still support her.
"Hey, don't I always?" She laughs a little and then cocks her rifle before moving through the doors and into the prison. "That's my girl."
Her heart skips at the words.
She enters the prison at a level that is not occupied or in use; pipes leak, the walls and floor are cracked, and I can tell by the shift in her breathing that there's a smell. Lovely. At least she'll have a bit before having to deal with any of the prison guards.
Down a short hall, she finds a hole in the floor that some maintenance worker built a cheap bridge across. Of course, the bridge isn't working when she taps the controls. "Scan the wires, Shepard. If you can find the problem, I can probably walk you through fixing it."
"I could probably jump it," she counters, approaching the edge of the hole. The ground below is littering in the rubble left from the floor falling, including a rusted and jagged pipe sticking up. Before I can object to her jumping, Shepard notes, "No telling how stable the other side is, though. Forget it."
I hold my breath for a second so that she won't hear my relief, but Joker turns to smirk at me. "The big guy was all freaked out you were gonna jump. The stick up his ass is lodged tight right now."
Shepard laughs softly while taking a ramp down to the lower level, following the wires in the wall that the visor has identified. The power looks intact at least, and I focus on that while flipping Joker off for it. He enjoys that, of course.
The visor picks up and signals something alive around the corner, and seconds before I can warn her, Shepard notices it. She takes the Varren down with a solid shot. "That is not down here by accident," she notes.
"Definitely not," I agree. "The Batarians send prisoners down there to die."
"At least they killed prisoners honestly on Purgatory," Jack scoffs. I tense, well aware that my father will recognize the name and wonder why Jack would know anything about that ship. If he starts on Jack next, I won't be able to keep my cool - and we haven't even talked about me losing it yesterday yet.
With no more Varren around, Shepard finds the short in the switch and quickly resolves it with her Omni Tool. Back on the upper level, the bridge works, and she's able to continue forward. I have to hope the rest of the obstacles she faces today are as easy as this one.
The pathways around her are a little challenging with all rubble and the odd layout of the building, Batarian design apparently not focused on efficiency, but she finds a hallway that leads to a set of stairs going up. Her boots are impressively quiet on the metal. I'd expect nothing less from a soldier of her caliber.
Shepard emerges onto the second floor, and it's in somehow even worse condition. No one has taken any care of this building for a long time. "This place is run down even for a prison," Shepard whispers, reading my mind.
At the end of the hall, straight ahead, is a row of laser beams. Likely intended more to keep the prisoners running from Varren trapped down here than for security. She turns down the hall just before then, and a particularly massive Varren comes running at her. Shepard puts it down with one well placed incendiary shot.
Shepard follows the hall around, finding some of them blocked off by lasers and other areas impossible thanks to holes in the floor or damage in the walls. She has to keep making turns she didn't plan on and backtracking. I can tell it's frustrating her, but she's being more patient than I could usually expect from her.
"What the fuck?" she mutters when coming to another dead end. She knows as well as I do that this was her last option; no wonder they don't worry much about security down here.
"Shepard, that pipe above your head? It's a gas line. Shoot it with incendiary ammo," I tell her. She gets to a safe distance and obeys, the pipe blasting apart and shooting flames into her path which was just cleared of rubble. "Good, now see that valve on the wall? Turn it and shut off the gas."
She does, and the flames die, clearing her way forward. "You're still more useful than this exceptionally expensive piece of tech," she informs me, her tone letting me hear her grin.
"Remember that when you're giving raises, kid," I tease.
She softly snorts a laugh while moving forward. The way ahead is slightly more clear now except for a few other gas valves she has to shut off and a Varren or two. At the end of one hall, she finds a room that looks like a crew kitchen; why anyone would want to eat down here is beyond me, but there are enough personal effects around that we know it's active.
She finds and plays a personal log, a gruff Batarian voice coming through the speaker. "I hear humans are stirring like vermin out in the asteroid belt. Is anyone safe from them? We should get permission to flush them all out."
"Lovely," Shepard mutters.
"Common," my father says, surprising me by bothering to chime in at all. "Batarian anti-human sentiment rivals Salarian-Krogan relations. In fact, the Batarians did everything they could to keep the First Contact War going, including terrorist attacks that they blamed on either side."
"Shepard has first-hand knowledge of that sentiment," Miranda notes, her voice hard. I know instantly that Shepard won't like that.
"Slavers, pirates, and murderers exist among all our species. They don't represent the whole," she counters over the comms, her voice hard too. She really never lets me down.
After checking the room for anything useful, Shepard goes back into the hallway and continues to explore. The hallway starts to feel more direct, and then she comes up a ramp and through a door. This level is much better kept, definitely active, and sure enough, she doesn't make a single turn before we can hear voices.
"She wanted to slam an asteroid into the relay," one of the Batarians is saying.
"Can they even do that?" another replies.
The first responds, "What difference does it make? We caught her."
I frown at the information and can tell that it makes Shepard tense. We weren't told anything about what sounds like a horrible crime from Dr. Kenson. I'm certain Shepard will turn right back around and leave the woman here though if it becomes the right thing to do, so I keep my mouth shut for now.
"Why would anyone slam an asteroid into a relay?" Jacob asks.
"Those relays contain a ton of power, and they're massive. Destroying one would cause catastrophic damage to any planets nearby, even entire systems," Tali explains.
"They're also almost impossible to destroy," Gabby chimes in. "Prothean engineering has lasted millennia for a reason."
Shepard is still on the move, creeping carefully up a set of stairs into a lounge area and through another set of doors. This one leads her back outside into a courtyard between a few buildings where the rain has picked up. She uses the scope on the sniper rifle to scan the entire yard and spots only two prison guards over to her left. They aren't facing her, so Shepard sneaks in that direction.
"I would just kill her," one of the guards says. It's the same one that Shepard could hear inside. "Interrogating the human is a waste of time."
I open my mouth to tell Shepard to slip the rifle into automatic so that she can quickly dispose of both guards, but she does it without needing my input. It doesn't surprise me that she remembered. She is constantly impressing me; somehow I'd forgotten that. Shepard leans out of cover and pops both guards quickly, needing two shots for the second thanks to a slightly off headshot but still handling them impressively.
"Missed that one," she breathes, scolding herself but I'm certain she's also talking to me.
"You made up for it," I remind her. "Great shot. You're kicking ass, Shepard, keep it up."
For whatever reason, hearing from me that she's doing well in the field means something to her - to the most exceptional soldier of our time and maybe any other time. That's a heady thing.
Shepard pushes through the courtyard, exploring some of the buildings to clear them and to hack any data or credits she can find. Not even my father has a moral objection to that considering where she is and what's happening here.
At the far end of the courtyard, she moves into another main building. The door is unlocked; this sort of reckless bravado is unheard of from Turians. Or even Cerberus, from what we've seen. They should know better, but it certainly benefits us.
Inside is a brief hallway before a set of windows along a wall, shuttered but not completely closed, so Shepard ducks low to pass under them. Several prison guards are talking inside, and they seem to share their now-dead coworkers sentiments about humans.
"Humans will do anything to destroy us," one of them growls, definitely still talking about the asteroid Dr. Kenson was supposedly threatening them with. "We need to make this one an example to the others."
"We can't behave kindly with terrorists," another responds.
It sends a cold chill through me to hear the Batarians that are supposed to be the bad guys here call the human Shepard is here to rescue a terrorist. Especially since that human works for the Alliance. I never got a bad vibe from Hackett, but I've learned not to be too surprised by military brass.
"You'll figure out what's going on when you get to Kenson, Shepard," I advise, reading Shepard's tension even if I can't see her. The visor moves up and down to signal she's nodding, and Shepard pushes forward.
She rounds the corner toward the entrance into the windowed room. This time, she doesn't miss either shot by even a millimeter, and when a third guard pops up from the other door in the room, Shepard makes quick work of him, too. There's another personal log in here.
"Forty-seven days straight without time off, and now there's humans in the prison," the Batarian on the log grumbles. "I can't get a break. There's three hundred thousand people in this colony. You'd think someone could cover for me one night."
"It benefits us that they're overworked and exhausted," I note. "More likely to make mistakes that way. How you holding up?"
"Good. I want to know what's going on with that asteroid, but things are going to plan. And we both know how rare that is for me."
I laugh and relax a little cocking my hip and crossing my arms. "Let's not assume that'll keep up. There are probably Krogan clones in here somewhere, right?"
"Geth in a closet, waiting for their chance," Shepard chuckles, doing her best to muffle the noise. She follows a hall out of the room and around until it becomes a balcony over a shuttle landing pad where a shuttle is landing now. She doesn't get a view of the Batarians that get out, but she doesn't need it right now. And now she knows where a shuttle is if she needs it.
In the next room, we know from the blueprints of the prison EDI procured that Shepard needs to go down. In this case, that means using a control to drop a truck and then hopping down into the bed, then onto the floor. This is the floor where Dr. Kenson should be. Which also means this is the floor where most of the guards will be.
My heart lodges itself firmly in my throat; if anything is going to go wrong, it'll be soon.
Shepard moves through the only door. There are laser beams blocking the way forward and a small alcove where she finds another security log. "Our comm buoy intercepts paid off. We picked up a message to the Alliance coming from somewhere in the asteroid belt. We listened to the feed until we discovered an operation run by a human named Kenson, smuggling engine parts and guidance systems. We intercepted Kenson's vehicle and took her and her people into custody. Interrogation has produced nothing but frenzied rambling so far."
Well, now we know how Kenson ended up getting caught and imprisoned by the Batarians.
Shepard finds the power relay to take out the lasers blocking her way, and there is no alarm associated, so I can breathe for a moment. But only a moment since we can already see a few guards in a room up ahead. Shepard gets cover and we all listen. "This one's apparently the mastermind," one is saying. "If she doesn't talk, kill her."
"They knew who was in charge, so that's got to be Kenson in there," I note, aware that Shepard already knows this but I need to talk to her. I need to feel like I'm with her in at least some way, and since Shepard isn't complaining, I think she gets that.
She takes down both guards and another that appears quickly and as quietly as possible. When she enters the room, Shepard ducks back out quickly, and it's not until she peeks inside again that I see another guard. This one is in a separate room, though, divided by glass. It's obviously soundproof, and I realize then that there's an intercom. She's safe for now, especially with that other guard focused on the human locked into a device that does not look pleasant.
Shepard takes a second to play the security log on the desk. "The humans still won't tell us where their base is, but we will find it. Even if we have to scan every asteroid out there. I wonder if those humans actually found something. No torture is too great if it gets that information out of them."
"What information did the Batarians think they had?" Solana asks. I can only shake my head.
"The Batarians have never shown any real interest in Reaper information, especially not since Shepard has been the only person leading the charge." I shrug. "Maybe the humans said something else to keep them guessing...but it only made these guys more interested, unfortunately."
Shepard approaches the window and opens the intercom, letting us listen to the interrogation on the other side of the room. Discomfort swirls in my gut, memories of the tactics my crew used on Omega when C-Sec regulations and Shepard's conscience couldn't stop me from doing whatever it took to get information. I have to remind myself that we had a greater purpose but, more importantly, that Shepard wouldn't judge or hate me for it now.
"I'll ask you again," the baritone Batarian in the other room is saying. "Where is your base?"
"You're wasting time!" Kenson responds; we can't see all of her through the glass, but monitors show her arms and legs trapped and a collar around her throat. I know what collar is for and it's impressive Kenson is still this belligerent if they've used it. "The Reapers are coming!"
"The Reapers are coming here? To this relay?" the Batarian asks. He doesn't sound as surprised as I know we all are, so he's definitely been hearing this from her for a while.
"Every moment you keep me here brings them closer," she replies.
The Batarian scoffs. "So I should let you go destroy the relay then? Destroy the system?"
"So she really is out to destroy the relay," Tali mutters. I don't know how to feel about that, and I can't say I blame the Batarian for not letting her run back off to do it right now.
"One of those logs mentioned three hundred thousand people in this system," Kelly murmurs. I didn't need the reminder.
"Do what you want to me, Batarian," she snaps. "Torturing me won't save you."
"No...but it will amuse me."
Well, Shepard is definitely going to kill him now.
She heads into the hall and around to the door of the interrogation room. Again, unlocked. And the guard is oblivious, totally unconcerned that whoever just walked in behind him could be dangerous. He's focused only on his Omni-Tool which he's using to move some sort of contraption toward Kenson's head.
Shepard approaches and taps the Batarian on the shoulder. When he turns to her, she gives him a second to be shocked, and then she throws a biotically-boosted punch at the guy. One hit, and she lays him out flat. Jack cheers, Solana laughs, and I can't help my grin.
"Who are you?" Kenson demands, the contraption buzzing with electricity still uncomfortably close to her face. "What are you doing?"
"Dr. Kenson? I'm Commander Shepard. I'm here to get you out." Shepard pulls up her Omni-Tool, which is connected to mine for now. "Garrus?"
"Got it," I confirm, already working on it. Through her, I get into the Batarian's Omni-Tool, and I use that to shut the device down. It also lets me free Kenson completely, and Shepard helps her get steady.
"Commander Shepard?" Kenson echoes, partially confused and mostly awed. Hard to blame her, even if I know Shepard hates it. "I'd heard you were alive. Hackett must have received my message!"
"He did, and he sent me in," Shepard confirms. "We're not safe here, though. Can you walk?"
Kenson takes a few steps independently and only wobbles a bit before gathering herself completely and nodding. "I'm fine. Just give me a moment."
"Shepard - "
"I'm sorry, we have to go now," Shepard says, cutting me off from pressing her for that very response.
"Thank you," I breathe. I know she'd like to be kind to Kenson, give the not-exactly-young and recently tortured woman time to recover. But we can't afford that, and I want to avoid any additional risks. It's clear she knows that; I'll make sure to thank her appropriately later.
Shepard hands Kenson the Batarian's pistol and motions for the woman to join her in leaving the room. Kenson seems to feel better with the weapon in her hand and she follows. "If we can find a console, I can hack security," Kenson offers.
"I'll clear us an escape path," Shepard agrees.
I can breathe a little easier now knowing that she's got her target and is heading home to me sooner rather than later. We still have questions about this whole operation and what Kenson was doing that need to be answered, but they can get out first. And then, because it's Shepard and things can never go right, alarms start going off the moment they open the doors back out of the room.
"Shit, it must have needed a code to leave with the prisoner released," I growl, moving closer to the screen as if I can do anything about it.
Shepard is already on the move and ready, taking down a Batarian who has come running from down the hall. She doesn't waste time, pressing forward and down a flight of stairs. It leads into a more centralized area and to several armed guards. Shepard gets cover and puts her shields up, then starts shooting. I note that it's not the order she would do things in if I were down there with her and mean to scold her for that later; she should always be careful.
Kenson takes cover as well and returns fire with Shepard. She's very obviously a scientist and not a soldier; it reminds me that the Alliance doesn't train all human citizens for military operations the way the Hierarchy does. In this case, that means Kenson isn't a great shot, but she's at least throwing out enough bullets that it distracts the Batarians and lets Shepard choose her shots.
"You stay close to me," Shepard tells Kenson between shots and over the sound of gunfire. It's almost uncomfortably loud through the comms. "We do not get separated, and if I tell you to stay in cover, you stay in cover."
"Do these rules work for you?" I tease.
"Watch it, Vakarian. I haven't forgotten that time you shot me."
The entire room turns to gape at me, and I can't help a laugh. "It's not what it sounds like. She needed to hurry, I used a concussive round to get her moving."
"And then took a rocket to the face," Jacob laughs. "You have a flair for dramatics, Vakarian."
"Oh, you don't know the half of it," my sister chimes in. I swat her head for it and she grins up at me, definitely enjoying her time among the crew. Any other day, I could manage to be thrilled about that.
But today, Shepard is in the middle of a firefight inside a Batarian prison after breaking out a prisoner. And she's alone.
Shepard can hold her own. I know that, and if I ever had reason to doubt it, she's going to remind me here. While Kenson works through the security console they've found, Shepard is single-handedly keeping back well-armed and well-trained prison guards coming at her from three directions. She makes this shit look easy.
"Shepard, the door that you came in through. If you close it, you can at least keep them out from that direction."
"Good call, big guy!" Shepard uses a grenade launcher to buy herself a couple moments in the other direction and then hauls ass from the way they came. She has to take down a few guards to reach it, but she's able to shut the door. It's not a perfect solution, of course, but it lets her be sure of where she can keep her back. It gives her more cover, so I consider it a win. And Shepard wins big, keeping Kenson completely unharmed and unthreatened from dozens of guards. When it's done, they rush out and back to the shuttle Shepard saw coming in. She's a few feet from getting out of there in one piece, and my heart is in my throat.
They have to wipe out the last few guards, but then they're jumping into the shuttle. Mission complete.
"That's my girl," I breathe, exhaling for what feel like the first time all day. Maybe even since hearing about this mission yesterday. Solana reaches up and squeezes my hand, offering much more comfort than she realizes, I'm sure. It won't be enough until I'm holding Shepard, but it's helpful all the same.
Shepard and Kenson are safely on the shuttle, and that's all I can ask for right now. "We're going back to Kenson's base now," Shepard tells us, using regular comms and not the visor. Kenson doesn't know that we're here. "Normandy should prepare to track and rendezvous."
"Where exactly are we headed?" Joker asks.
"To an asteroid," Kenson answers simply. "Autopilot engaged. We should be out of range before they get their security measures unscrambled."
Joker looks back at me, confused about our destination and the location of the base. I just shrug and nod in return; there's not much else I can do other than follow orders. That, and trust Shepard.
"Do you think they'll come after you?" Shepard asks Kenson. Through the visor, I can see her checking her ammo and giving her weapons a quick clean. Smart. She's not assuming this is over.
"I'm not taking any chances," Kenson replies. "Batarians don't take kindly to humans who plan to destroy their mass relays."
Well, shit.
"So the charges against you are true." Shepard's voice is hard, and it's not a question. I don't doubt for a second that she'll take Kenson right back to that prison if she thinks the woman is truly a terrorist.
Kenson shakes her head on video. "Well, to be fair, that's about half the story. My team and I were here investigating rumors of Reaper technology out in the fringes of this system."
"And I guess you found something?" Shepard asks.
"We found proof that the Reapers will be arriving in this system," Kenson says. She leaves no room for interpretation or suggestion, and her certainty is extremely unnerving. "When they get here, they'll use its Mass Relay to travel throughout the galaxy. We call it the Alpha Relay."
Kenson walks to the shuttle window and Shepard follows, giving us a view of the Mass Relay in question. They look a lot bigger from inside a shuttle than they do from a ship, even one as small as the Normandy.
"From here, the Reapers can invade anywhere," Kenson finishes. I know that she's echoing Shepard's thoughts because they're mine, too. But taking Kenson at her word on this is challenging.
"So you decided to destroy it," Shepard breathes.
Kenson nods. "Exactly. Doing that would stop the Reaper's invasion. Even at FTL speeds, it would be months or years before they got to the next relay." Kenson turns away from the window to face Shepard. "We came up with what we just called The Project. A plan to launch a nearby asteroid into the relay and destroy it before the Reapers could arrive. Of course, the resulting explosion would probably wipe out the system."
She says that last part like it doesn't matter, like the burden of lives lost doesn't complicate the decision to destroy the relay. I can guess that for people like my father, it really doesn't. But if Shepard was one of those people, I wouldn't love her nearly as hard as I do. I can practically hear her scowling at Kenson when the scientist takes a seat again.
Shepard takes a seat across from her, and I can hear her take a deep breath, no doubt trying to stay calm. "Walk me through the logistics. How exactly do you plan to launch an asteroid into a mass relay?"
"Asteroid Blast," Tali, Joker, and I all say at the same time. They chuckle, and I grin while explaining, "It was an old video game that you can still find on the black market. Launching asteroids into things that would make huge explosions was the entire purpose."
Shepard shakes her head, signaled by the screen moving, and I know she's rolling her eyes at me.
"Moving an asteroid just requires thrust and guidance," Kenson explains, "which are readily available in Omega salvage yards. Get the right amount of power and a good VI to drive it, and you can pretty much just point and shoot."
"And murder hundreds of thousands," Kelly murmurs from behind me.
"I've always heard that mass relays are indestructible," Shepard notes, making a good point.
The relay the humans came through in the incident that started what they call the First Contact War, Relay 314, was shot at by some of the biggest missiles the Turian Hierarchy had available. The goal was to keep the humans out permanently; fortunately, some wise engineer realized that more Turians would die than humans could possibly kill in a war. Plus, the thing barely got a scratch for all the firepower.
"I've heard that, too," Kenson agrees. "But I think it's more that nobody's willing to find out what happens when one is destroyed. And, well..." She shifts a little on her seat, the first sign of discomfort. "We plan to slam a small planet into the thing at a very high speed. By our calculations, that's more than enough."
"It sounds like there is good reason no one wants to find out what happens," Tali practically spits. To a Quarian, I can imagine what casually blowing up a system, a world, sounds like. And she's not wrong.
Shepard takes another breath. She was also rendered homeless; I'm sure she is imagining how the Batarians will feel even if they survive. Fuck, I wish I could hold her right now. I should be holding her. Failure claws at my throat and I squeeze my hands into fists. We're doing the right thing. It was the right thing to let her go.
Somehow, I'll have to start believing that.
"Is the project still operational?" Shepard asks. The Batarians at the prison certainly seemed to think so.
"I...I imagine it is," Kenson answers. "We were one button press away from launch when the Batarians arrested me."
"And the Batarians had to find that out on their own," I note. "No one warned them. Not Kenson, and not the Alliance."
"It would have compromised the mission," my father chimes in from behind me. I'd almost had the joy of forgetting he was there. Almost.
"It could have saved lives," I retort without looking at him. I can hear the disappointment in his subtones that's always present when I'm around, but I can also hear how that disrespect - me speaking with my back to him - agitates him. That's why I did it.
Shepard ignores both of us and continues questioning Kenson. "The explosion...why do you think destroying the mass relay would destroy the entire system?"
"Mass relays are the most powerful mass effect engines in the known galaxy. The energy released from a relay's destruction would probably resemble a supernova." Kenson says it like it's a given, like the system doesn't stand a chance. Which means she was downplaying it earlier when she made it sound like merely a risk. "This is a remote system, but just over three hundred thousand live on the colony where they held us. The explosion would undoubtedly kill them all."
"And Hackett made it sound like he wasn't sure why she would be arrested," I snap, my growl a little louder than I intended. He risked my bondmate's life for this.
Shepard stays on target. "How were you caught?"
"We've been smuggling starship parts from Omega. Thrusters, guidance, an aftermarket eezo core. The Batarians thought that looked suspicious." Kenson shakes her head a little. "A few days ago, I took a few of the men on a scouting trip and the Batarians pounced on us. They never found our actual base."
She's proud about that, I can tell. And it's impressive that she withstood torture, sure. But more and more, I'm siding with the Batarians on this one.
"You expect me to support killing all those people..." Shepard shakes her head and her hand comes up over the visor. I know she's rubbing her forehead. "And I still don't see how you learned about this supposed invasion."
Kenson leans forward now, eager. "The evidence came from what we call Object Rho, a Reaper artifact. We discovered it among the asteroids near the relay itself. When we get back to our station, I'll explain everything and provide copies of all our notes on the artifact."
"The stakes are too high," Shepard retorts. "If you were willing to destroy a whole system over this, I want to see your proof."
"I guess I can't argue with that. Give me a moment." Kenson says after too long a pause. She stands and heads for the window again. She turns on a comm system and says, "Kenson to project base."
"Good to hear your voice, Doctor," a man's voice on the other end responds. He sounds far away and relieved. "You coming home?"
"Affirmative. And I've got Commander Shepard with me."
"Shit," the guy breathes, earning a laugh from some of Shepard's crew. Her reputation certainly proceeds her.
"Tidy up the lab," Kenson tells him. "The commander needs to confirm the artifact." Her teammate or security or whatever he is confirms, and then Kenson returns to her seat. She seems calmer now, but I'm almost confident there is no trick since she let us hear both sides of the conversation. "All set. Just sit back and relax. We'll be there in no time."
Shepard sits back, but she is anything but relaxed. I'd love a few minutes of peace in her ear, but with the visor, I can't even send her a message that the rest of the crew won't see. I consider asking how she is, then remember that Kenson shouldn't be too aware I'm on this end, just in case there is a trap.
"You're almost done, kid," I tell her, holding the back of the seat in front of me firmly. I should be holding Shepard. This has to do. "You'll make the right call about The Project, we all have faith in you."
I hear her take a deep breath, and the view on the visor changes so that I know she's looking out the window. I wish she could see the Normandy, but we're following at a distance and in stealth. I screw decorum and refuse to consider how my father will feel and say what Shepard needs to hear.
"We're here, baby. I have you. You are not alone."
And then I hear her exhale, the sound of full of relief. It doesn't feel like enough, but it was for Shepard. I'm always enough for her.
It's not long before the shuttle is lowering to an asteroid that looks the same as every other asteroid until it gets closer to the base. The shuttle drops down to land in a hanger of sorts that seems to serve as the main entrance. Actually, according to a scan EDI puts together quickly, it might be the only entrance. There's a reason they stayed effectively hidden.
Shepard follows Kenson out of the shuttle. Ahead is an entrance with a digital display of numbers counting down above it. 00:02:04:36...35...34
"Here we are," Kenson announces. "Welcome to project base, Commander."
"What's this?" Shepard asks, motioning to the numbers as well.
"That's our countdown to arrival. When that gets to zero, the Reapers will be here."
Kenson's voice is matter of fact, calm, but her words send a painful shock rocketing through my chest. That clock...
"Is that...two hours?" Tali asks, barely a whisper.
Solana rockets up out of the chair, almost nailing me in the chin with her head. "Two hours!" she screeches.
"Two hours," I hear my father echo, more horror in his voice than I have ever heard. It's almost as chilling as that countdown.
"You're telling me we have two hours?" Shepard demands. I can hear her voice shaking but that's only because I know her so well; I'm sure she only seems pissed off to Kenson, not scared.
"Kind of puts things into perspective, doesn't it?" There's a lightness to Kenson's tone about it that unnerves me, but with only two hours remaining until the start of our galaxy's destruction, I don't feel like this is the time for small questions.
I feel like this is the time for throwing asteroids into relays even if it destroys entire systems. "Shit," I breathe.
"Shit," Shepard echoes me on the station.
She just came to the same conclusion. The Project is necessary. That button needs to be pressed.
"How do you know that's an accurate counter?" Shepard demands.
"It is," Kenson states firmly. "The artifact has been giving off pulses at definite intervals since we found it. The intervals have been decreasing at a steady rate. The artifact is reacting to the Reaper's proximity. In just over two hours, the pulses will become constant, and the Reapers will be here."
She has a sense of doom in her voice, but it somehow doesn't feel strong enough to me. Or maybe it feels...false. I realize that's probably just lingering distrust of the woman who speaks so casually about wiping out a system full of people. And that's probably unfair now since...well, since we clearly don't have a choice.
This galaxy is not ready for the Reapers.
"You're saying the Reapers could be on Earth in a matter of days," Shepard breathes. "Palaven is even closer." I don't think she even realizes she's said that one out loud, her voice taking on that tone it has when she's trying to clear out her own thoughts. Shepard shakes her head and looks back to Kenson. "There's no time to waste."
"Then let's show you that proof." Kenson points ahead of them, toward the hallway under the clock. "That door exits the hangar. The artifact is in our central lab area."
Shepard follows Kenson through the door she mentioned, and then they turn down the next corridor to the left. A door awaits them, and a couple soldiers mill about in the hall. Shepard ignores a locked door to her right on the way and continues through the one labeled 'Lab Area.'
"So what would it take to get The Project back up?" Shepard asks as they walk through a central area and toward another door.
"Everything was in place when we were arrested. It wasn't a question of could we but should we."
"What alternative do we have?" I know that Shepard is asking me, everyone on her crew, as much as she's asking Kenson. I also know that none of us has a good answer for her.
"EDI, can you alert the Alliance and get them to send a warning to the colonies in this system?" I ask, muting the comms for a moment so I don't distract Shepard. "They can start evacuating now. They have to."
"Yes, Garrus," the AI responds. At least we might save some of those lives before killing the rest.
"The Reapers will reach the system regardless," Kenson is saying, oblivious to me as they approach an elevator. "But the Alpha Relay is their shortcut to the rest of the galaxy. If you want to keep the Reapers at bay, this relay must be destroyed."
Shepard is quiet on the ride down, and none of us says anything either. I know our commander is making her decision, and we all know she'll do the right thing. Even if it seems like this situation leaves us with no right thing.
They exit the elevator and we watch Shepard follow Kenson toward a door that is secured with a keypad lock. Shepard takes a breath and says, "We have to get The Project running again. It's probably the only chance we have."
She sounds crushed about it, but Kenson smiles and nods. Of course, she was on the side of running The Project this whole time. I still don't like how happy she looks about it, though. Especially not when I can hear Shepard's pain at having anything to do with it.
The doors open and my heart stops at the same time a collective gasp goes up through the cockpit and from Shepard. In the middle of the room they've just entered is a massive, alien-looking thing. It's almost plant shaped but nothing about it is natural - especially not the light pulsing inside it. A light that reminds me a little too much of the beacons.
A Reaper artifact. Right there in the open.
"What the fuck?" I whisper, aware Shepard will hear it anyway.
"Commander Shepard," Kenson says, pride pouring out of her tone. "I give you Object Rho." She motions to the thing, flourishing as if it's a grand prize on the vids my grandmother used to watch. As if this is anything to be proud of.
Shepard steps a little closer, but she's obviously appalled. "You have the Reaper artifact just sitting here?" she demands. "Out in the open?"
"When we found it, it showed me a vision of the Reaper's arrival." I know that Shepard was given similar visions by the beacons, but those were Prothean artifacts; those were intended for use to stop the Reapers. This...this is a Reaper weapon.
"This wouldn't be happening if the Alliance or Council listened to us about indoctrination," I growl out. "If they paid any attention to what we said happened to Saren instead of blaming you..." I'm forced to stop before I lose my temper, my talons already threatening to cut into my palms.
A hand lands on my shoulder and even though I should know it by touch, I have to look to be sure that it's my father. The comfort feels so out of character for him. "You'll make them believe," he assures me. "You must."
I nod and refocus. Now isn't the time for rehashing those wounds.
"Kenson," Shepard says, voice firm but calm like she's talking to a distraught child. I can tell by the way she's eyeing the woman now that Shepard is wondering if Kenson has been indoctrinated. "This is not good."
"Give it a moment, Shepard," Kenson says. Her tone has changed, too. I don't like it. "It'll give you the proof you need."
"Shepard, get out of there!" I snap.
She takes one step backward and then freezes. In the moment's pause when nothing happens, Shepard's lack of movement speaks volumes. My breath catches in my throat and my subtones rumble out a keening sound I would be ashamed of if, in the next instant, I didn't watch Shepard fall to her knees.
"Oh, Keelah!" Tali gasps.
"No!" Joker shouts as Jack leaps to her feet. I hear Grunt rip out a vicious growl.
"Garrus, do something!" Solana begs, turning and grabbing my arm. My father's hand is still on my shoulder, and when I see Shepard's hands hit the metal grates under her boots, I think it's the only reason I'm not falling to my knees as well.
"Breathe," I order, my voice coming out hard and steady by some Spirit-sent miracle. "Shepard, take a breath!" I hear her inhale deeply, and even though the sound is strained, her escalating heart rate starts to steady. "Get up. On your feet, go!"
Shepard eases back onto her haunches, at least hearing me and in control of her own body. I almost start to breathe again, and then she looks up at the sound of a click. Dr. Amanda Kenson is holding a pistol aimed at Shepard's head.
Red starts to creep into the edges of my vision, and I can feel myself shaking in the grip of my father and sister. He lets go of me and then advises my sister to do the same. The moment I'm released, I have to move, pacing the tiny cockpit because I can't rip that fucking woman's throat out with my teeth. Not yet anyway.
"I can't let you start the project, Shepard," Kenson says, audible over the sound of my growl echoing through the room. I can feel eyes on me and I don't care. "I can't let you stop the arrival!"
Shepard climbs to her feet, unsteady and with most of her biostats still in alarming ranges. She falls back to her knee and Tali yelps, but Shepard waits until Kenson is fooled by the move to swoop up, disarm Kenson, and break her arm with a satisfying crack. Kenson cries out and stumbles back, but Shepard stumbles too.
Shots start ringing from around the room, guards using other entrances and obviously prepared for this moment. "Get cover!" I shout, realizing that Shepard is looking around confused still. It snaps her into action and she stumbles behind a low wall, managing to pull out her pistol.
"Take her down!" Kenson cries, running out through the door they came in. Dozens of guards burst into the room from three other doors.
Shepard returns fire but she's clumsy, dizzy. She's outnumbered, outgunned, and that Reaper is fucking with her head. "Garrus," she breathes. "It's...I can hear it. It wants me to give up."
"Don't you dare," I tell her, pushing the chair aside so that I can plant my hands on the console and lean closer. I know in the logical part of my brain that this brings me no closer to Shepard, but it makes me feel at least a little more grounded. "You fight it, Shepard, do you hear me?"
"I'm...I'm trying." Her voice is stronger then but just by a little. Her shots get steadier too, but her reactions are still slow. I'm already terrified of the worst when it happens; her shields go down, and Shepard takes a hit.
She gets shot.
"Garrus!" she cries out instead of any exclamation of pain. That's the word she screams when it hurts. My heart shatters listening to her call for me, cry out for me, and knowing that I can't get to her.
"Shepard, please," I beg, talons digging into the console with a horrifying shriek.
She grunts, heaving herself back up and pulling out her assault rifle, probably so she can just spray bullets and give herself some time. I start to lose track of the room around me, of my own body as we watch more guards come in, feet from her. The visor tells me every time she gets shot even as she scrambles for better position and cover.
"You're doing it," I assure her. I can hear my voice cracking, so I'm certain she can too. "You're gonna fight your way out of there and back to me, okay?"
"I don't...I don't know if I can."
I can hear the strain in her breathing, I can see her heart struggling to manage the strain and the blood loss. I can feel her pain and fear as my own, ripping through me.
"Garrus." She collapses, falling against a wall, and I hear the gun clatter out of her hands. I close my eyes, a waft of cinnamon and citrus hitting my nose without a source. Or maybe I'm smelling her on me. "I'm sorry."
"Don't," I snap. "You listen to me, Shepard. I will get you out of there. You're coming home, do you hear me? I have you. Just...just stay awake. Stay alive. Okay?"
There's no answer. The only sound are heavy boots approaching, getting way to close.
"Shepard? Come on, Elle, please!"
It's barely there, but I hear her whisper, "I'm sorry," before the angle on the video tells me she's down.
My knees buckle at the same time, and someone catches me, pulling me away from the console. They say something soft and I shove them away. I can't do soft right now, I can't...
Shepard is in trouble. There is nothing else.
"I'm getting her out of there."
This isn't like space. I'm not cold, not floating. There's pain, a lot of it, but it's different. I think I'm breathing and I think...I hear someone.
Someone is...saying my name?
And I know that voice. I...I want that voice. I need it. My brain is certain that voice is a good thing, that voice is safety and a break from this pain.
But I don't know where I am. I don't know how to get to it. To...him.
Garrus.
"Come on, baby, let me know you can hear me," he breathes. It's not far away. He's whispering. Soft. "Shepard."
I've always loved the way he says my name.
I want to find my way to him. It's dark, I...I don't know where I am. Something is heavy but it's in me, not on me. A blanket on my brain and I can't find my way out from under it.
"Shepard," Garrus says again. "You're okay, Shepard, I just need you to open your eyes. I have you."
Open...my eyes? Oh.
The moment I do, I feel myself startle. The lights above me are too bright, too much, and I shut them again quickly.
"Oh, don't - don't move!" Garrus says, louder now, more urgently. "You're not alone, Shepard, stay still. Don't talk. Nod if you're hearing me."
I force my head up and down, though it feels like moving under water.
"That's my girl," Garrus breathes. "I knew you were still there. Good girl." The words make my heart skip, but that hurts. "Listen to me, Shepard. Do you remember what happened? Do you remember the artifact?"
The artifact. It all comes rushing back with a vengeance, the artifact that Kenson called Object Rho grabbing me and forcing visions into my head. Kenson pulling a gun on me, her men shooting at me...she wants to stop The Project. She wants to let the Reapers invade.
The Reapers!
Another skip of my heart. "Easy, Shepard. You're in bad shape. You were shot several times, and that artifact did a number on you, but you're alive. They pumped you full of Medi-Gel, and Chakwas will take care of you when we get you home."
Home. Yes, I want to go home. I want to get back to him. But the Reapers are coming. We have to stop them.
"Shepard, I...I'm so sorry," he breathes, voice breaking. That hurts more than what I remember now are gunshot wounds. "They have anti-aircraft guns, and taking them out could damage the facility too much for The Project to matter. We can't...we can't get through like this. Not in time. I can't get to you."
I can hear the heartbreak and shame in his voice, and it makes me ball my hands into fists. Now not only did Kenson betray me and threaten the lives of the entire galaxy, but she's broken Garrus's heart. I know how much it must hurt him to not be able to help me, to be so far from me. He has no idea that he's always saving my life.
"You have to get yourself out of there, Shepard," he tells me, voice firmer now. "And you can do that, can't you? You'll get back to me, right?"
I nod. It's easier this time.
"Good girl. There are two guards in the room, your twelve o'clock. They aren't facing you, so you should be able to lift your head and spot them."
I follow his direction, pain surging through my head, but I ignore it to look at the guards. I also look at myself; they left me in my armor so they didn't treat any of the gunshot wounds. But at least they also left the visor on.
"There is a window at your six into another lab. They're going to see you once you start moving and probably trigger an alert, so you need to take out the two guards with you quickly and take one of their weapons. All of your weapons were put into that locker at the edge of the room." Garrus pauses, breathing steadily, but I can hear his fear. "Listen to me, baby. You'll have to be fast. I know you're in pain and I hate that, but I need to ask you to do this, okay?"
Another nod. Even easier this time. Yes, my body is abnormally heavy and goddamnit being shot hurts. But I have Garrus waiting for me; that's more than enough incentive to get me the hell out of here. Keeping the Reapers at bay for a little while longer is icing on that cake.
I take a few deep breaths, then hold the last one to keep myself silent as I swing off the table in one fluid motion. My boots hit the ground almost silently, but a bang sounds on the glass behind me almost instantly. I've already reached the guards by the time they turn around. With no incentive not to fight dirty while unarmed, I throw my knee into one's groin and use his distraction to headbutt the other. I drive that one back into the wall, knocking him unconscious on impact, and then kick the other in the head for the same effect.
"Fuck yeah, Shepard," I hear Jack cheer on the comms.
"Welcome back, my love," Garrus breathes, his voice full of relief.
"Always knew that voice could work magic," I tease, steadying myself while I grab the first gun I see.
"Trouble," Garrus chuckles softly. "They locked you in instead of barging through. Get your gear, then the console is on the other side of that wall."
I take stock of my injuries while getting my weapons back on. "Do you know how many times I was shot?"
"The visor recorded four," he answers. I'm sure he sounds steadier to people who don't know him so well; he sounds terrified to me. "Give me a sitrep, how are you feeling?"
"I..." My first instinct is to blow him off. I want to lie and build my walls. But that's not going to help either of us, especially not if he can make sure medical care is waiting for me. "The one at my waist is...close to my ribs. They might be broken. It's hard to tell where the other ones are, it..."
"Hurts everywhere?"
"Yeah," I confess.
"Shepard." It's a whisper, a plea, an apology.
"It's okay," I assure him, and I mean it, heading around that wall he mentioned while the scientist behind the window yells at me not to. Very effective. "I'm up, I can move everything, I can hold my gun straight. This is a lot better than that fucking Reaper artifact digging through my brain."
That gives me pause. There was a Reaper in my brain, trying to convince me to stop fighting. I can still hear it now, I can remember how...tempting that felt. I hate it, and I know I fought it, I remember clinging to Garrus's voice instead but...
What if it got me?
"Shepard, you with me?" Garrus asks. I shake my head and cling to him again, focusing on where I am and what I have to do. I need to stop the Reaper invasion - I want to. They aren't in my head now.
I find a log on a console and play it, unable to stow my curiosity and sure that Garrus will warn me if anyone is coming. Or the visor will; this thing is damn useful.
"The project is almost complete." The face and voice match the scientist currently on the other side of the glass and watching me. "I thought I'd feel a sense of accomplishment, but instead, I feel dread. I can't help but think we're doing something terrible."
"Why do I have the feeling she's not talking about all the Batarians that could die?" I mutter at the screen. These morons, leaving a Reaper artifact in the open like that. And the Alliance for letting them!
"Try to stay calm, Shepard, Chakwas isn't happy about your heart rate," Garrus advises. I blink and realize that the notification for that on the visor is red and blinking...and high. Oops.
I take a breath, ignoring the surge of pain it brings to my side, and move to the other set of consoles. One has a LOKI mech control...and there are LOKI mechs in the next room. "Does this do what I think it does?"
"Yes," Tali answers for Garrus. "Hacking it should be similar to the Geth. One second...there! You're in."
I press a button and watch a mech in the next room stand up. "Oh, this is cool." I want to let the scientist run, but she starts shooting at my mech, so I take her down without a lot of concern or remorse. They shot me first. My mech faces off against four others that come into the room and then the hall is clear.
"Okay, there's a power junction in front of the mech. Shoot it, and it should open the door into your room."
I make the mech fire, but there's a glass panel in front of the door. When I make the mech move closer, the glass comes down. "Oh, well. It was nice knowing you." I make the mech fire again, and the explosion takes it out. It also opens the door and frees me, so mission complete for that mech.
"Shepard has escaped!" Kenson's voice shouts over the comms. "All available personnel to the medical wing."
"You took out a lot of them in the initial shootout, Shepard," Garrus tells me. "EDI anticipates they're at about half force. How you feeling about kicking all their asses?"
"Damn good," I answer, pulling the pistol he gifted me into my hands and setting the ammo to incendiary. I want this to hurt. "I have to get this asteroid moving and get the hell out of here."
"Go get 'em, kid. We'll be ready to pick you up."
I'm definitely hindered by the gunshots and pain. I can't take deep breaths or breathe very well at all, and my head is pounding along with my heart. My left leg is killing me, I'm pretty sure my boot is full of blood, and I can't quite bend my knee properly. So I have a limp and shallow lungs, but I also have a lot of ammo and a galaxy to save. And Garrus is waiting for me.
I am not staying here.
I have to hack through the door at the end of the hall, but it's simple compared to what Garrus has been challenging me to learn lately. In the next hall, I encounter my first resistance, and I make them pay for it. Kenson continues to shout for them to stop me, but her instructions about where I am in relation to the central lab are very helpful in finding my way around. EDI picks up the slack where I need it, the whole team cheers me on, Garrus is consistently there - exactly what I need him to.
Shooting with the injuries and pain is a challenge, but stopping isn't an option, and I'm still a better shot than any of these guards. It pisses me off that they could take me down earlier; that never would have happened if the Reaper hadn't gotten into my brain.
I press through, moving from room to room steadily. I know I have to keep pace if I'm going to stop the Reapers in time, so I switch to my Geth Pulse Rifle; with this, I need one bullet for every guard. I make up enough time that I feel confident stopping to play a log from a data pad.
"Kenson's acting strange lately," a man says on the log. "Like she doesn't care about The Project anymore. And I know I'm not the only one having those dreams! The Reapers are coming, she says. But I'm not sure if I'm hearing fear or hope in her voice."
I swallow down questions about whether or not Hackett or anyone from the Alliance spoke to Kenson recently and had these same misgivings. The guards up ahead of better shields, but they still aren't much of a challenge. Once they're gone, I stop at a desk with a log from Kenson herself.
"The longer we're here, the more I'm convinced The Project must be stopped," she says. "We simply don't know enough about what the Reapers want. It's foolish to assume the Reapers mean doom for the galaxy! Legends say they've been here before, and yet life continues, doesn't it?"
I hear someone scoff, and then Jacob asks, "She doesn't wonder where the Protheans went after the Reapers last visit?"
"No, she doesn't. With the Reapers in your head...you want to believe them." Silence is the reply to me over the comms, and I imagine that wasn't the most comforting thing I could have said to my crew.
"Kenson got indoctrinated, but she's not innocent. Like Saren," Garrus notes. "They brought this on themselves, and if they aren't stopped, they'll doom the galaxy."
I nod to agree and move on, rushing for the opportunity to push the button that will launch The Project even while I'm dreading it. "Any chance someone thought of another way out of this while I was unconscious? Something that doesn't involve mass murder?"
Another tense silence. "In war, casualties must be expected." Castis; I'd almost forgotten he was on the Normandy...and watching me get shot. Great. "We are already at war with the Reapers, whether or not the entire galaxy chooses to accept that."
Well, I was right about him being a useful ally. But Garrus was right about his inability to understand gray areas. I can know that this is necessary and still hate it.
I move on anyway, crossing another bridge and finally reaching an area I recognize. Project control. The room is, of course, well guarded. I keep cover for my sake now, whereas for the rest of the day I was extra cautious simply to keep Garrus from losing his shit. I'm not sure how many more bullet wounds my body can take without care or rest; I'm not actually sure how it's handling the ones I have taken. That's a problem for Future Shepard.
With the guards using cover around the room, I switch to my sniper rifle and pick them off one by one. The visor does make this thing a lot easier to use when the weapon has never felt natural to me. I won't be an expert anytime soon, but I make it work. And I find some Medi-Gel; the slight relief from the pain would probably let me breathe easier if not for the rib injuries.
And then that's it. No one else is here to stop me, and the console with the controls for The Project, for the engine that will drive this asteroid into the Alpha Relay, is waiting for me across the room. All I have to do is walk over there and activate it.
That, and murder three hundred thousand people.
"Shepard...we asked the Alliance to start evacuating when you got to the station," Garrus tells me. "Between them dragging their feet and probably not trying very hard, and the Batarians not trusting them..."
"They didn't evacuate," I finish, feeling the words echo through my hollow chest. "They're all still down there, and they'll all die."
"Spirits. I'd give anything to take this burden from you," Garrus breathes.
I might actually be tempted to let him right now. "It has to be done, though. Right?"
"Right."
I nod; I needed him to confirm it. I trust him more than anyone in the galaxy, I trust his instincts even more than my own. We both know this has to be done.
But ice flows through my veins as I approach that console.
"Welcome to Project Control," a pleasant VI says when I wake it up.
"I...I want to activate The Project," I tell it, my voice hoarse and almost unfamiliar. It's like my throat is trying to keep the words in. I wish I could.
"Warning. Activating the project will result in an estimated three hundred and five thousand casualties." The VI uses that same calm, pleasant voice to deliver the warning and even displays the number on the screen for me. It's a huge number.
Every single one of those deaths is at my hands.
"It's trillions saved, Shepard," Garrus reminds me. "It gives us time to get ready, to win the war with the Reapers."
"Necessary casualties," I say, echoing his father. Garrus doesn't respond, but he doesn't have to.
My hand trembles as I move toward the button to start The Project, and I have to close my eyes to actually push it. I'm too much of a coward to look. Instantly, I hear engines outside roar to life, and the force of the sudden movement throws me forward, new pain surging through all of my gunshot wounds. I think blood is leaking through my armor on my side, but if I look, Garrus will see.
And who cares if I got shot? I just executed almost half a million people.
"Project activation in progress," the VI confirms. "Warning. Collision with mass relay is imminent. Begin evacuation procedures."
"Shepard, no!" Kenson screams, her face popping up on the console. "Do you have any idea what you've done? You leave me no choice. If we can't stop this asteroid, it must be destroyed. Because of you, everyone on this rock will be obliterated."
I won't lie and say that there isn't a temptation to let her destroy the asteroid, maybe even with me on it. That way, we don't have to kill any other people. But if this asteroid doesn't take out the relay, I'll have failed to stop the Reapers. And if I die here, I'll have failed Garrus. Neither is an option.
I look Kenson in the eye and reply, "Not if I can help it."
I turn and start running, shooting my way through the guards that have finally arrived. EDI tells me that Kenson is going to the reactor core module and does something with the visor that gives me a directional aid. It's a good thing since running is making the pain worse and that combined with the tears stinging my eyes and horrible guilt weighing down my chest is making focus difficult.
Run and shoot, run and shoot and stop Kenson. Stop Kenson and get home to Garrus. That's all I can do.
I find Kenson at the reactor core and stop where she's staring at me through a window. "Don't try to stop me, Shepard," she snaps. "I have to do this."
"I've already activated the project. We can still escape this rock."
She turns away from me, toward the reactor core, and lowers her head. "There is no escape. There's no redemption for what you've done. I will die never having seen the Reapers blessings! And you will just die!"
She turns and moves away, out of view, and my stomach drops. Another life I'll have to take today. "Damnit, Kenson."
Two more guards appear to try and keep me out of the elevator, but they go down hard. As I ride it up, the VI tells me, "Safety protocol disengaged. Core temperature rising."
More guards face off with me when I get out. They must realize by now what the plan is, they must know that Kenson intends for them to go down with this ship. Either they're exceptionally loyal to her, or the entire crew at this station was indoctrinated. Either way, this is disgusting and makes me feel gross.
What would happen to my crew if I were indoctrinated, if I started leading them down a path like this? Would they even notice what happened to my brain? I know at least one of them would. My best friend, the man bonded to me...he would know.
And what would he do?
I don't let the questions slow me down, using the station VI and EDI to get me through the process of countering the damage Kenson is doing to the reactor core. Even in the maintenance area, her guards try to stop me. They fail, like all the others. None of my questions will matter if I go down like this, and that's not happening.
"You're almost there, Shepard," Garrus encourages me. I wonder if he can tell what's going on in my brain, if not my body. And the pain is getting worse. Quickly. I need to be done with this soon if I'm going to avoid permanent damage. Finding more Medi-Gel happens at exactly the right moment, just before I get to the last cooling control.
"You've done nothing, Shepard!" Kenson shouts at me through the station comms. If that were true, she probably would sound so worked up. "I can still override power to the engines. Try to stop me!"
"Gladly," I respond even though I'm sure she can't hear me.
EDI gets me to the right elevator, and there's no one left to stand in my way as I move to the reactor core. Kenson is standing at a console, pulling her own hair.
"Step away from the reactor," I tell her, leveling my pistol at her. I've learned not to hesitate to shoot with her.
"You've ruined everything!" she screeches, slamming her hands down on the console.
"Turn around! Now!"
She does, and I realize her face is streaked with tears. She coughs out a sob, shoulders dropping. "You've taken them away from me. I will never see the Reapers arrival." She lifts up her hand and reveals the trigger to a bomb. "All you had to do was stay asleep. None of this had to happen."
"It's not a dead man switch," Garrus breathes in my ear. "Trust your gut."
It's the advice I needed. I lower my gun and step closer. "Kenson, you don't have to do this. We can get off this asteroid."
"No...we cannot."
Her thumb comes down on the button, and there's a split second of dead silence except for Garrus gasping. And then a blast of heat throws me backward, directly into a wall. If my ribs weren't broken before, they are now, and agony rips through my body.
"So much for my gut," I groan, rolling to my knees carefully. My left leg gives completely, and I can't even cry out at the pain because there isn't enough air in my lungs.
"She failed, Shepard!" Garrus says through the comms. "The bomb didn't work, the asteroid is still moving, still on target."
As if on cue, the VI announces, "Warning: Collision Imminent."
"Come on, baby, I need you to get up and get moving. EDI gave you coordinates to a landing pad we can access, we're here." He's half ordering, half begging, and it hurts to hear. But not as much as my body hurts. "Shepard, now!" That one was all order, and it works, my instincts to obey him kicking in enough that I manage to find my feet. Well, the one I can put any weight on.
I try to run but it ends up as a hobble. I can taste blood in my throat, feel my heart stuttering. I can see all my problems on the bio stats, too. They shut off a second after I see them, like Garrus knew I didn't want to.
"You're almost there, Shepard, come on." Tali. I certainly can't let Tali watch me die, not after she just found her dead father's body.
Stop it, Shepard. I can't think like that, like dying is an option. It's not. I'm banged up and the pain is blinding, but I'm alive and I have no plan to die again.
"I'm coming," I tell them, tell Garrus.
"I know, baby, and we're here. I have you. One foot in front of the other."
"We got trouble," Joker says softly, like he doesn't want me to hear it.
Garrus swears under his breath and then tells me, "Some of the evacuating crew is still on the landing pad and armed. We can assume they're going to be hostile, especially since they just got abandoned by the last shuttle leaving."
"Shit. I..." I have to swallow to get the words out. "I don't think I can do a big gun fight right now, Garrus."
"Okay. Then you won't have to. Grunt, Thane, Jack, you're with me in the Cargo Bay. Joker, keep near enough that Shepard can reach the airlock but position us to help." They all confirm, and even in so much pain I could throw up, I smile. It's a good plan from a great leader. "I gotta get off the comm with you, Shepard. I'll be here when you get on the ship, though, okay?"
"Go get 'em, big guy."
"Yes, ma'am. See you soon."
I hear movement and lean against the doors to outside, letting myself breathe for a moment. Sort of. Breathing has become a challenge. I dare to press my hand to the armor on my side and find it missing. And not a small piece. My hand comes away covered in blood, and I'm grateful Garrus wasn't there to see.
"Okay, Shep, let's get you home," Joker says. "The Normandy is in position. I'll let you know when those guys have the enemy scrambling, and then all you'll have to do is haul ass."
"Will you accept limping and bleeding instead?"
He laughs. "Don't I always?" There's a pause and then, more seriously, he says, "You did what had to be done, Shepard. That's what matters."
I nod even though he can't see me because I don't believe it enough to respond. That seems good enough for him though, and a moment later, he's giving me the okay to move. The doors open onto the landing pad and, sure enough, the Normandy is waiting at the other end. She's a glorious sight right now.
The station guards are all firing in that direction, but I stick to cover as much as possible on my way across. I don't need to get caught in the crossfire. As I near the Normandy, I can see most of the guards going down and my crew firing from a fairly precarious position on the open bay door. I nearly trip from shock when I realize Castis Vakarian is among them.
The enemy is behind me and I start to pick up the pace. Watching the relay approach is both motivation to escape and motivation to hate myself. The worst of this whole thing is yet to come.
And then when I'm just feet from the Normandy, something else approaches the landing pad. Sort of. "Oh...shit," I hear Joker breathe.
"Is that one of them?" Solana asks.
"A Reaper," I answer, even though it's just a hologram. I haven't seen one of these bitches in a while - more than two years, apparently.
It comes down to hover right in front of me and a deep mechanical voice says, "Shepard. You have become an annoyance."
"Flattery will get you everywhere."
"You fight against inevitability. Dust, struggling against cosmic winds. This seems a victory to you, a star system sacrificed. But even now, your greatest civilizations are doomed to fall. Your leaders will beg to serve us."
I shrug my shoulders. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we can't win this. But we'll fight you regardless. Just like we did Sovereign. Just like I'm doing now." I have to fight for breath between words but I refuse to let this asshole machine see that. "However insignificant we might be, we will fight, we will sacrifice, and we will find a way."
"Know this as you die in vain," the Reaper replies. "Your time will come. Your species will fall. Prepare yourselves for the arrival."
As he fades away, I promise, "We'll be ready."
I don't glance back toward the guards or to where the Reaper was, just walk right onto the ship. I ignore the cockpit and no one tries to stop me even though I'm leaking blood on the floor toward the CIC. I need to see it. I have to watch it, with my eyes open this time. I deserve that.
I have to drag myself up the ramp to the galaxy map and nearly collapse onto the rail. And then it happens. The Bahak system brightens on the map for a long moment before going dark. Dark. Gone. Dead.
All of them.
Because of me.
"Ah, kid," I hear Garrus breathe from behind me. His presence breaks the dam. If he's here, I can break. And this time, I shatter.
I lose all sense of my surroundings. There's a moment where I think I've fainted, and then I realize I can hear something. Screaming. My throat burns, my lungs are protesting, my stomach heaving. And the screaming won't stop.
Something folds around me, heavy and hard. I recognize the scent of sun-warmed metal before I realize it's him. Garrus. And that screaming...it's me.
"Please, Elle," he's pleading, face pressed into my hair while he crushes me against his chest. I can feel him rocking me...or maybe the ship, the universe is swaying. It's hard to tell.
Everything has collapsed. It's like the crash I have sometimes with him, but a million times worse. I can't stop, I can't breathe, I can't...
"She needs to be sedated," I hear someone say. Who? And then there's movement; is he carrying me?
Garrus's voice continues to reach me, whispering and pleading and saying soft things. But I can't feel him. I'm too broken for him.
There's a lot of movement all of a sudden, and I don't know how to react to any of it. Things are happening, Garrus is trying to talk to me - holding my face, but he's blurry and dark. There's a new pain, a sudden one, and I try to fight it. No more, I can't take anymore.
Again, I'm wrapped in that heavy, hard thing that smells so good. Garrus.
Darkness calls, but not the bad kind. Not space. No, this one is soothing. This one is welcoming. I fall into the abyss, knowing that I deserve whatever awaits me this time. I need him waiting, though.
"Garrus?"
"I have you."
My heart has never been so completely broken because I've never seen anyone break the way Shepard does. I've guided her through panic attacks and nightmares, I've seen her through serotonin crashes, and I have never seen her anywhere close to this.
Every scream chips off another piece of my heart, and I'm sure she doesn't even know she's screaming. Her eyes are distant, wild in the bad way. She doesn't know where she is or what's going on, all she knows is the horrible pain shredding her - physically and emotionally. Her body is battered, her injuries severe and numerous, and her mind just cannot handle the additional strain.
Not after what just happened.
I understand why she needed to see the galaxy map for herself when the asteroid hit the relay, but I wish I'd been there to stop her from seeing it. I should have been there. I've failed her in so many ways today, and now she's screaming and shattered in the CIC.
I hold her as tight as I can, giving no thought to her injuries because they won't matter if we can't calm her down. I repeat her name and beg for her to hear me, but I can't reach her.
"Garrus, she needs to be sedated," Solana says, coming to my side and putting her hand gently on my fringe. I look up at her, finding her eyes wet with unshed tears and her face wracked with pain. "Her heart and lungs can't take this, we don't have time for her to calm down. She needs sedation, Garrus, she needs this."
I look back down at Shepard, daring to pull her away from my chest only enough to look into her eyes. I take her chin in my hand, but she's barely seeing me. I could ask if she wants sedation, but she won't hear me. Whatever I do right now, I have to do without her consent.
The fear in her eyes spurs me into motion. I cannot let her stay terrified, and I have to trust that I know her well enough to do what she'd want. I have to believe she trusts me enough to allow it. Shepard doesn't move when I lift her; I'm not even sure she knows we're moving. EDI has the elevator moving the second we're on board, Solana and Miranda with me and giving reports to Chakwas who is preparing the Med Bay. My father is here too, though I don't know why. He doesn't move or say a word, and I don't care.
I bury my face in Shepard's hair again, nuzzling her head and hoping she can feel me. "You're okay," I whisper. "You're okay, kid, I promise. You're okay."
The doors open and I rush through them, moving directly toward the Med Bay. When I try to put Shepard onto a bed, she screams even louder and finally moves, clinging to me in a death grip. Yet another piece of my heart breaks as I sink onto the cot with her, keeping her in my lap and surrounding her with my body as much as I can. I continue to whisper to her while giving a nod to Chakwas; they want my consent as Shepard's, and I can't think about what that means right now.
"You're okay," I promise again as Chakwas makes the injection in Shepard's neck. Her instincts to protect herself kick in and she makes an attempt at swinging backward, but I catch her fist and keep her close. "It's alright, baby, breathe. No one is going to hurt you, I'm right here." Her head drops back a little, heavy from the sedation flowing through her veins, and I press my forehead to hers. It even feels like she leans into a little.
"Garrus?" she slurs, the first coherent thing she's said since coming back on the ship. Her voice is raw, broken.
"I have you," I whisper in response. Her body goes limp almost immediately after, Shepard falling unconscious and finally looking peaceful. I brush a curl behind her ear and tug the lobe, praying to any spirit listening that the next time I see her eyes, that fear is gone. I can't take more of that.
"We need to examine her, Garrus," Chakwas breathes, covering one of my hands with her. "It's okay, let us help her."
I nod, easily trusting the woman who has repeatedly saved us, who gave me a flashlight out of the darkness, who gave me her blessing to marry this woman she thinks of as a daughter. I shift off the bed, holding Shepard, and then have to turn and put her back down. But no matter how much I trust Chakwas, putting Shepard down - letting her out of my arms - right now physically hurts.
"I know," Chakwas promises, nodding. Her grey eyes are wet, too. "I know that this is hard and you feel helpless. But we are not. We're going to help her body heal, and you know how much that will help her mind. And when she wakes up, you'll be here."
"Okay," I manage in a whisper that doesn't really sound like me. I lower Shepard gently, her body limp. When she's down, the full extent of her injuries strikes me. Her armor has major holes, including one that leads to the nasty rib wound she told me about. Most of her visible flesh - both the parts meant to be visible and those through the armor - is covered in blood, and when Miranda removes her boots, blood pours out from one of them.
"I'm sorry," Miranda offers with a brief glance at me. "We can't slow down."
I nod at her, too. I don't trust her as much, but she cares about Shepard in a weird way. And she's capable. She'll help Chakwas bring my girl back.
"I'm going to stay and help, too," Solana says, approaching the bed and pulling gloves on. "If that's okay with you, Dr. Chakwas?"
"Absolutely, I'll take all the help I can get," Chakwas answers, putting an oxygen mask over Shepard's face. "Garrus, we need the space. I need you to go for now, but you know I'll let you know as soon as she's okay."
I nod, but I don't move. I'm not sure I can. This happened because I let Shepard go; if I'd been on that station with her, she wouldn't be hurt like this. I would have ripped every guard apart before they had a chance to hurt my bondmate. But I wasn't there. I wasn't there, and now I can't be here even though she needs me.
My father's large hand lands heavily on my shoulder. "I know what this is like," he murmurs, speaking softer than I've ever heard him. "I know how it hurts to walk away. But that's what Shepard needs from you right now. And you will always do what she needs of you."
Shepard needs this. It's not about me. I lean down and press my mouth to her forehead before bringing my forehead down to meet hers. "I love you so much," I whisper to her. "I'll be here when you wake up, kid." One final kiss, and then I step away.
My father takes my arm like he knows I'll need the guidance, and he probably does know. A familiar, cold hollowness builds in my chest with every step away from Shepard. But she's not leaving me this time. She's not gone, she's getting help. I'll have her back in my arms this time, and I am not going to let that cold, the darkness, keep that from happening.
I lift my head and take a breath before walking through the Med Bay doors. I'm going to be what Shepard needs.
The entire crew is sitting in the Mess Hall, waiting and agonizing. The warmth at the sight, Shepard's family here waiting, eases some of that cold inside me. I note that none of them has even a single alcoholic drink with them and my heart swells even further. They're here for me, too.
"They're beginning surgery now," my father begins, easing the burden of making this announcement for me. "I've heard a lot about your Dr. Chakwas, and Solana is one of Palaven's finest surgeons. Shepard is going to be just fine."
I look at him, finding nothing but sincerity on his face. None of this derision I'm used to, none of the shame over watching his son crumble around a human. "Thank you," I offer. For maybe the first time ever, I'm glad he's here.
I sit among the crew, Tali leaning into my side and Jack holding my opposite hand. "When she wakes up...it'll all still have happened," Joker notes, his voice low and somber. "She still has to live with..."
Shepard has to live with three hundred thousand new deaths, and we all know our commander well enough that she'll blame herself for every single of them.
"We'll need to remind her why she did it. Why it was necessary," I tell them, looking around at all of them. "She just stopped the Reaper invasion. They were here, they were ready, and Shepard stopped them. We have time now, time to get the galaxy together and prepared. She'll feel those deaths forever, we all will, but we remind her that they did not die in vain."
"First the Collectors, and then the Reapers," Tali says with a firm nod.
"Damn right. And Shepard will lead us to take both down." Their excitement is muted, given the situation and where we are, but palpable. They're still on Shepard's six, they're still with us. They believe in her as much as I do, and we all know our commander won't let us down. My girl saved the galaxy today, and she'll do it again.
And I'll be by her side the whole time.
