Blue and Yellow
Joey Sharkbait
2020
[Soundtrack: "Blue and Yellow" by The Used.]
[Kagura's point of view.]
We were actually in Kaede's village now. It was mid-morning with cloudless blue skies overhead. The smell of summer's deathbed and newly wilting leaves surrounded me, along with the intoxicating floral scent of the woman limping beside me, leaning against me for support. Some people stared.
Let them look…
Sango insisted on walking at least through the village. I could tell she was still in pain; she still depended somewhat on my assistance and held onto my arm. Her strength was still very apparent, at least in her grip, at least in my opinion.
"How big is this place?" I asked. I had flown over the village many times and it always seemed so small from above…
"We're almost there," said Sango, through gritted teeth. "Kaede's hut is at the edge of the village, where it is more peaceful."
Good… I didn't like the looks we were receiving from some of the villagers.
Soon enough, we reached our destination. I could see the priestess's hut down a small hill. I could also smell her scent, along with that of Kikyo's reincarnation, Kagome, and the fox demon. No sign of Inuyasha or the monk, however.
"There it is!" exclaimed Sango. We quickened our pace. I was exhausted; so was she. No doubt she was expending the last amounts of her energy here. Fine by me; she needs the rest that will ensue upon the inevitable adrenaline crash.
"Kaede! Kagome!" Sango called out as we neared the dwelling.
The two priestesses soon appeared in the doorway. The look upon Kagome's face quickly changed from one of curiosity to unbridled happiness tinted with concern as she noticed us.
"Sango! Kagura!" The younger priestess darted out of the doorway and ran over to us. Sango was able to let go of me once Kagome was near enough to return the younger girl's embrace.
"Sango!" Kagome held the taijiya closely, resting her chin on her shoulder. She began to cry, likely happy tears. "I'm so glad you've returned! We were all so worried! I was starting to think I'd never see you again…"
I watched their reunion, smiling smugly and somewhat awkwardly. Kagome began to fuss over Sango once she noticed the extent of her wounds. Sango, of course, tried to belay her concerns and downplay the severity of her injuries. Kaede then came out. I could hear the two priestesses urging to get the demon slayer inside so they could tend to her injuries and possibly attempt to discuss everything with her.
After Sango was safe inside and several minutes had passed, Kaede came back outside and approached me.
"Kagura…"
"Yes?" Was I about to be chased away? Did they deem me a threat? A nervous ache made its presence known in my stomach and I could feel a cold spot spread to my heart.
"Ye escaped with her," stated the old priestess.
"Of course. Why else would I be here?" I could not hide my sarcasm. I was trying to keep my skepticism and sarcasm in check. I had to remind myself the old woman had every reason to be just as skeptical of me.
"I almost didn't believe them when they all initially came back with the boy, Kohaku…" Kaede walked a circle around me, stopping in front of me. "Have ye really experienced a change of heart?"
I nodded, actually stopping and thinking first before blurting out the first offended words that crossed my mind. "Yes… I have my heart now… thanks to Sango…" I couldn't help but add the last utterance, happy and proud.
"Aye…" Kaede was silent for a moment. "She doesn't look good…"
"I know," I agreed quietly. "I tried to help her."
"I'm sure ye did your best, child."
"I hope so."
Silence fell upon us once more. I wished for nothing more than Sango's quick recovery, both physically and mentally.
"She was gone for a long time, Kagura," continued Kaede, as she turned and motioned me to follow her back to the hut. I bowed slightly and complied. "Now is not the time, no…" The old priestess stopped and turned to face me again. "You know, they wonder—and so do I, honestly—what exactly happened to her? And ye as well?"
I almost wanted to die after being asked such a loaded question.
A month ago, I would have laughed and told her to fuck off and that it was none of her damn business! Now, I… I don't know… It is still not my place to say. Not exactly. Yes, I had my own experience and shared experiences and traumas intertwined with Sango's, but… I would not reveal her personal tragedies and plight.
We entered the hut and were greeted with the sight of Kagome making small talk with Sango, trying to contain herself from bursting with concern once more. Sango sat against the wall, on a rather comfortable looking bedroll, (Damn, am I tired…) a cup of fresh hot tea clasped in her hands. Sango looked up, noticing our entrance. Our eyes locked and she flashed me a tired smile. I returned the gesture, overjoyed to see her safe and sound and back with her friends.
"Kagura!" exclaimed Kagome. She hurriedly stood up and offered me a teacup of my own. "I went ahead and prepared you some, too! It's a medicinal tea that Kaede taught me how to make. I feel like you could also use some."
I was in awe of the girl's kindness. She didn't even know me… "Th-thank you, Kagome," I said quietly. I bowed my head in thanks ever so slightly as I graciously took the cup from her. Kagome resumed her seat next to Sango and patted the floor beside her, gesturing for me to join them. I did just that, an unfamiliar rush of emotions—and exhaustion—beginning to flood my head.
"We were really beginning to worry," said Kagome. "We stopped at the demon slayer's village after we left the castle to rest and regroup with Kohaku. And we searched the surrounding area for at least half a week, within five kilometers or more in each direction…" She sighed and looked down at her own teacup, clasped loosely in her hands. "Eventually, we ran out of supplies and had to return here. Then we took turns going out in search parties of two. That's actually where Inuyasha and Miroku are now."
"They should be back soon, though," added Kaede. "Shippo recently went to meet them at the edge of the village. I'm surprised the two of ye didn't run into him first."
We spent the next twenty to thirty minutes catching up. I could not help but notice how everyone avoided the topic of and anything related to Naraku, his castle, and Sango's capture, like the plague. Sango herself seemed to be more interested in how Kaede and Kagome have been doing and what she's missed. I didn't blame her and I knew fully well that her altruistic nature in her own questioning was far outweighing her desire to avoid the inevitable questions directed at her.
Before too long, I could hear voices and footsteps approaching. With those, the scents of Inuyasha, Miroku, and Shippo grew stronger. Where are Kohaku and the cat demon, I wonder?
"—find them soon, Shippo; it's only a matter of time." The monk's voice was so close.
"I know, but I'm worried, Miroku!"
"Can it, runt! We'll find them sooner or later! It'll take a lot more than Naraku to get rid of Sango!"
The trio soon appeared at the doorway.
"Inuyasha, don't be so mean to him! He's just worried about… Sango?" Miroku stood in the doorway, a stunned expression on his face, a pool of emotions exploding in his dark blue eyes.
"What's wrong—" Inuyasha paused as well, appearing at his side. Shippo soon joined them, at their feet. The young fox had no words, it seemed.
"Miroku…"
The monk rushed to her side and she reached for him. He gently picked her up, holding her close. The rest of the group soon joined them in a long past-due embrace.
I saw myself out, bittersweetness in my veins.
I would wait outside and give the group their privacy. I was still an outsider. Still too recently defected from our shared enemy. I was strangely content with this.
[Kohaku's point of view.]
"Kirara…" I walked back through the field of sunflowers, my feline companion trailing closely at my heels. I stopped and turned to look down at her, in her small form.
Kirara sat and mewed up at me. I crouched down in front of her, carefully holding the bouquet I had crafted in one hand so I could pet the neko with the other. The cat demon approached me and I soon gently set the flowers down beside me and sat back. Kirara curled up in my lap. I patted her head and looked up at the sky. The sun would set soon.
We had to find her soon. We just had to! My sister had been gone for far too long… No one said it aloud, but I know we were all beginning to fear the worst. I was worried for Kagura, too. I really hoped they were both ok. They have to be…
I recently found a sunflower field near Kaede's village. It reminded me of a field of lilies near my old village. I picked Sango a bouquet of them once a long time ago… the most beautiful and wonderful flowers for a most beautiful and wonderful sister. The memory was now bittersweet to me. It came to me out of nowhere my first visit to the sunflower field and hit me hard enough to bring me to my knees in tears.
I made it a point to visit the field every day and pick a few sunflowers every couple days. This was the third bouquet I'd crafted. I hoped it would find its intended owner soon. I was almost afraid to return to the hut; I had a feeling I would return to the same defeated atmosphere and somberness that we all tried to hide.
But maybe, today would be different.
I tried to balance my optimism with the realism that I had grown too used to in recent times.
I stood up, collected my sunflowers, and made my way back to Kaede's hut, lost in my thoughts the whole time. Mostly memories…
It was almost dark by the time I returned to my new home. The comforting smell of food and the strange sounds of laughter greeted me as I drew close. Kirara stopped and excitedly sniffed the air before mewing intensely and darting inside the hut.
"Kirara?!" I chased after her. "What's up?" I reached the doorway and pushed aside the cloth overhang.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
I nearly dropped my bouquet of sunflowers.
Around a small table sat Miroku, Inuyasha, Kaede, Shippo, Kagome, and my sister.
Sango is back.
Kirara was now excitedly pining for her attention. Now I understood why my little cat companion left me in such a hurry! I noticed Kagura was also near them, although sitting off in the corner, as more of an observer. She seemed happy, too. Everyone seemed so happy and a vibrant warmth permeated the atmosphere of our shared home.
"Kohaku?" Sango noticed me. I could see the beginnings of happy tears welling in her eyes.
"Sister…" I rushed over to her and before she could fully rise to greet me, I had my arms around her shoulders in a tight embrace. I didn't want to ever let her go again. I let myself cry into her shoulder. I pulled away after a moment, sensing discomfort and soon noticed her left arm wrapped in a makeshift cast. "You're injured…"
"I'll be fine, Kohaku," said Sango. I sat beside her, trying not to worry too much. She has a lot of injuries…
I shook my head, attempting to clear my thoughts. "I—I picked these for you!" I presented Sango with the bouquet of sunflowers.
"Kohaku…" tears welled in her eyes again. "Thank you." She took the flowers and inhaled their scent, closing her eyes, as if remembering something nice. I hoped she remembered the tiger lilies from all those years ago.
"You're welcome." I smiled, somewhat embarrassed.
"They're wonderful." Sango put her good arm around me and I leaned against her and closed my eyes.
For a moment, I could be complacent in pretending we were still at home in our village.
In a way, that thought was not incorrect at all.
[Sango's point of view.]
"Kagura, I know something bad happened while she was gone. We all do."
"Inuyasha, leave her alone!"
"Kagome… we need to know for sure. I'm worried, Miroku's worried, you're worried… I think we all know…"
"I'm sorry, Inuyasha, Kagome, it is not my place to speak of what happened to her while we were at that damned place."
"I'm sure Sango will tell us when she's ready."
"Hmmf. Whatever. Either way, just gives me another reason to destroy Naraku in the most painful way possible."
"Inuyasha! I know you care, but you have a weird way of showing it sometimes!"
"My bad! Sorry that I'm worried for our friend!"
"You're such a dick!"
"And you're being kind of a bi—"
"SIT, BOY!"
CRASH!
I pulled the blankets over my head and turned on my side. I loved them all so much and I was beyond ecstatic to be back with them, but… sometimes I just wanted to be alone. Miroku hadn't left my side much since I returned. We honestly hadn't even spoken much, but I would be lying if I said I did not appreciate his presence and the newfound gentleness with which he spoke and approached me.
If Miroku wasn't around, usually Kaede and/or Kagome were at my side. Kirara rarely left me, loyal as ever. Kohaku was around almost as much as Miroku at first, although he later admitted that he didn't like seeing me like this. I had a sinking feeling he harbored some false feelings of responsibility for my current condition. It's not his fault. Never would be.
Inuyasha and Shippo dropped in a few times per day. Some things never change—Inuyasha would sit quietly with me and we would just talk. Mostly reminiscing. He would always be my brother-in-arms. Not that anyone else explicitly pried for details concerning my capture, but Inuyasha never even treaded near that territory of conversation. I was grateful. I wasn't ready to talk, yet.
But I swear, he knew. He knew something was amiss. Something was different. Something awful had transpired. I didn't know if he could smell it on me or he had some kind of weird, hanyou sixth sense, or what, but…
He probably knew.
And he never said a damn thing.
He just sat with me and offered his friendship. Nothing more, nothing less.
I hadn't seen much of Kagura since we returned. We had been back nearly a week now, I think. Kohaku said she accompanied him on walks a lot. That made me happy to hear. I assumed they had formed some kind of bond while in Naraku's "employment" together, that which would carry on afterward. Although, I did worry for her. She went through a lot, too. And I still cared so deeply for her…
I wonder if she was avoiding me because of Miroku. No, she wouldn't be that way… And besides, there's nothing to worry about. Is there? I'm not with him, after all…
I'm not with her, either.
Anymore…
Was I ever?
My brain was hurting once more, in addition to my heart.
'Should we be temporary at best…'
I quickly whisked away thoughts of both Kagura and Miroku and instead chose to focus on what I had unintentionally eavesdropped on a few minutes prior.
They were wondering. They had a right to know. Didn't they? Did they?
Kagura always said I didn't owe anyone any explanation of anything, ever.
I wanted to say she was right…
But the way Miroku looked the other night…
We were alone in the hut. The others were all outside gathered around a fire. I wanted so badly to join them but ultimately chose not to due to a pounding headache and reignited aches and pains throughout my body. Nothing unsavory had ever went on between Miroku and I. We were just sitting together and chatting. I fell asleep against him, just barely asleep. He put his arm around me, and I lost my shit for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
I struck him like I never had before.
In my mind, with my eyes closed, and even for a few moments after I was fully awake once more, it wasn't Miroku's arm around me and his hand on my thigh—it was Naraku. For no reason. And I couldn't stand it.
Everyone came back inside, from the commotion. I guess I had screamed, too. I know Miroku yelped in pain and possibly fear. I hated the way everyone stared at me, like I was a crazy person. (Maybe I was… maybe I am…)
I mostly hated the way Miroku looked at me. Shock, concern, fear, empathy, confusion… all swirled in his gorgeous blue eyes. All aforementioned emotions were directed at me. It stung.
I think I probably owed him an explanation. He didn't deserve my wrath over something that was literally nothing… he offered comfort, completely free of his usual ulterior motives. And I offered him unbridled, insane rage in return.
And he thought nothing of it.
The next day—yesterday—it was like nothing happened. He treated me no differently, aside from being noticeably extra cautious with his hands and limbs. No one spoke of the incident. But I felt like I was being watched, too, to a degree. They had a right to be worried.
Maybe they had a right to know.
But I could not recount any of that all at once, and not to everyone. I didn't even know who I would prefer to confess my sins and related tragedies to… I didn't know if whatever remained of my pride could handle it.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of my friends—my family—entering the hut. They were quiet, otherwise, refraining from speaking. They probably all assumed I was still asleep. I decided now was a good time to feign waking up.
"Sango! Good morning!" cheerily greeted Kagome.
"Good morning, Kagome," I smiled at my friend. "Kagura," I noticed her standing nearby. She offered me a weak smile in return.
"How are you feeling today?" asked Kagome, kneeling beside me and gently placing her hand on my forehead.
"Eh, I'm alright, I think," I answered. "I slept better than usual." I noticed Inuyasha had not joined the girls in coming inside. My intuition told me he was either still in a crater out front or had left in a huff after being sat into said crater by Kagome.
"That's good to hear," said Kagome.
"Where's Inuyasha and the others?" I asked.
The twitch in Kagome's eyebrow at the mere mention of Inuyasha's name was answer enough to part of that question. "That asshole went for a walk…" I eyed Kagura leaning against the wall in the background, pretending to inspect her fan. She damn well knew what had transpired, I guessed. "Miroku and Kaede are off performing blessings. Shippo, Kohaku, and Kirara went off to find more herbs for your medicines."
Kagome turned to Kagura and smiled at her. "Kagura actually told me about some of the medicines and poultices she's created that have helped you in the past." The miko turned back to me, that infectious smile still gracing her features. "She said she would show me how to prepare some of them later." I couldn't help but smile at the idea of Kagome and Kagura beginning a friendship of sorts. My heart grew even lighter when I eyed Kagura in the background, an embarrassed and small smile on her pale face.
"Sango, I can't say it enough," said Kagome, "but I'm so glad you're back and you're safe. We were so worried."
"I know," I said. "I'm sorry for causing such anxiety and worry…"
"Don't be," said Kagura, kneeling on the other side of me and offering me a glass of water. I took it from her. She flashed me a genuine smile before standing back up.
"If it was any one of us, you'd be worried, too," said Kagome.
"True…"
"Hey, we're almost out of water," said Kagura from a few paces away. "I'll go fetch us some more."
"Ok, Kagura. Have fun and be safe!" Kagome called after the wind witch as she quietly left our small abode.
"I'm glad you two are getting along," I observed.
"She's not so bad," said Kagome with a smile.
"I know… she's a good person, Kagome. She's a good friend."
"I'm glad you had her while you were… away…"
The air around us was growing uncomfortable once more.
"Sango," started Kagome. Here it goes… "I know you don't want to talk about it, and I respect that… but I'm worried about you. Everyone is. I have a feeling something bad happened while you were gone… you're different somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it."
I was quiet. I averted my gaze to the half empty glass in my hands. I knew Kagome cared for me. They all did…
"I'm sorry, Kagome."
"Sango, don't apologize! You have nothing to be sorry for!"
"I know I'm worrying everyone with my silence… You all are like my family. You're like my sister, my best friend… I want to talk, Kagome, I do…" I could feel my mind beginning to drift into dangerous territory.
"Please don't feel pressured, no matter what," said Kagome. "We're all here for you." The priestess carefully put her arm around my shoulders. I tensed initially and mentally berated myself for doing so, then leaned against her, thankful for her camaraderie.
"I know, Kagome. Thank you…"
We sat in silence. The occasional bird would chirp outside and I could somewhat hear usual village commotion off in the distance. I could honestly say I was thankful for this quiet moment with my friend. It's not that I took our friendship and bonding for granted in the past or anything; but it was different now. I now bore a newfound appreciation.
"Kagome," I began finally, "I really do want to talk. Believe me… It's just… that's not a place I want to go back to, mentally. I can't. Not yet."
"Sango…"
I bit back tears. "But, if I were to talk to anyone, I think I would feel the safest talking to you." I was proud of the way I held my voice—strong and neutral… "Maybe Kaede… I don't know…" I turned to Kagome. She had tears in her eyes. Almost as soon as we made eye contact, the young miko threw her arms around me and pulled me into a gentle, comforting embrace.
"It's going to be ok, Sango," said Kagome. "I promise."
