And now at last we have reached the end of this story. This is the epilogue. I hope you have enjoyed the story and will let me know what you think. I do want to see how many readers I actually kept to the end and comments will help that. Thank you.

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Chapter 35

My name is Faith Hope Shepherd and this is my college essay. I'll probably edit it before submitting and you'll see why. But just for myself, I wanted this record about my life as it has been for real.

I have three parents. No, not in the way of those three parent embryo things you might have herd or read about on the news or the net, or wherever.

Biologically, I am the daughter of Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd and Mark Everett Sloan.

Legally, and in more ways than one I am the daughter of Addison and her husband Derek Christopher Shepherd.

Confused? Wondering what the hell is up? Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale of a fateful one night stand.

My parents were having some trouble in their marriage and Addison turned to Mark one night. That's the simplest way I can explain it.

Only it wasn't so simple because Derek caught them. I know! Talk about your bad shit going down.

Mark fled and Derek threw her out. It was a dark and stormy nigh, so there was appropriate weather at least.

Anyway, as my mother told it, when I got old enough to wonder why Uncle Mark acted more like a father to me then uncle she had indulged in naughty behavior. Basically, an explanation fit for a child and not too graphic.

I guess the takeaway from that is that love is an emotion and you can't just turn it on and off at will. Because the marriage didn't end right then and there as logically, might be expected. They stayed married and although there was no quick fix and they had work to d, they did it

But in their case, it did go beyond that.

I mean, it wasn't like it was easy for them. I actually went to Uncle Mark and Aunt Nancy for their insight because according to my parents, they were the most involved, after my parents, of course.

Uncle Mark didn't really want to talk about it too much. I guess it was embarrassing for him, no matter how many years ago it was. Well, I mean, they still got me as evidence and all that, but whatever, you know.

Aunt Nancy was more forthcoming. "It was a thing that happened and they worked through it. People make mistakes. "

"So, I'm a mistake?"

"No, that's not what I meant and you know it." .

"Actually, I don't. You have to admit that it's a weird situation."

She sighed. "Yes, it was. But never, ever, has anyone ever thought of you as a mistake. You have to believe me about that, Faith."

"No, I actually, don't."

She sighed again. "That's true. You are free to believe what you want. But it's also true that your parents and Mark don't consider you a mistake."

"So, if that's the case, why was I almost aborted?"

"Your mother told you that?" I could see the shock on her face.

"No, I overheard them talking about it once a long time ago. Yeah, to be fair they did say what you said that it would have been a mistake but still."

Aunt Nancy seemed to recover her composure. "That was just because of the less than ideal circumstances of your conception. Your mother never actually wanted to abort you and she only would have done it to try and save her marriage. But your father talked her out of it by helping her to see the truth."

"I still wouldn't be here if she had gone through with it. Whether she really did or not is...well.. you know."

"No, I don't. So, why don't you explain it to me."

I sighed.

"It's,..well...it calls into question my whole life and whether I should even be here. Should they even still be married?"

"Yes, no question." Aunt Nancy was firm.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because those two were made for each other. They were always meant to be and what happened didn't change that. They did go on to have biological children together, as you know. You're not an only child. That says something about their marriage and it's strength."

She did have a point there, I had to admit. I did have brothers and sisters

"So the rest of us are actually Dad's?"

"Yes, of course and I will have to advise you to can it with the cheap shots. You remind me of Derek when you do that, Faith and it's not a complement. Maybe you really are Derek's and not Mark's after all. I do know from Addie that my brother did take the cheap shots he was entitled to but that didn't help then and it won't help now. It never does."

I sighed. "Sorry. Thank you for answering, anyway." I really mean that.

Aunt Nancy sighed. "I know this is hard to hear. It was hard for them to live and even for those of us on the sidelines it wasn't an easy thing to watch them all go through. But the marriage survived for a reason. "

Well, yes, I guess so. Still and all, I remained dissatisfied. I knew I'd have to talk to all three of them, if I ever wanted to get any kind of clarity. The only thing left to do now was to decide who I'd approach first and then in what order the rest.

As luck would have it, I was hanging out in Central Park, watching my youngest brother play in the playground when Uncle Mark showed up. "Hey,what brings you here?"

"I wasn't looking for you. Sometimes I take a quick spin and see what it might be like to be a father."

"You mean a full time, real one and not just biologically"

He started. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Did you ever get over my mother?"

He shrugged. "In a way, yes and in another way, no."

"I don't get it."

"Neither do I, really."

I guess that was the best he could do and that would have to be enough.

I had now gotten the perspectives of two people, one of which was most involved in the act that was the catalyst that resulted in me. I still wanted to, no needed to, get the perspective of the other two most involved. Three guesses who they were and the first two don't count.

As luck or fate or whatever you want to call it, I got a chance to talk to my dad fairly soon after the meeting with Uncle Mark.

We were at home and it was after the little ones were in bed, but it wasn't very late because I was up in my room doing my homework. Mom had been called in to do an emergency surgery, which happened enough times with both my parents that it didn't even faze me anymore.,

There was a knock at my door. "How are you?" It was Dad.

"Hanging in. Homework sucks."

"But necessary, especially if you want to get into a good pre med program in college."

"Yeah." I sighed.

"Well, I'll leave you to it." He turned to go.

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I'm going to go away to college soon and I need to know some things.'

"Like what?"

"Like why Mom's indiscretion didn't end your marriage."

Dad looked shocked. "You really want to know this now?"

"I think it's time."

"All right. I won't lie to you; it almost did."

"That I figured. So, why didn't it?

"Because love isn't something you can turn on and off like a faucet. I did try, believe me but at the end of the day I couldn't just turn off my love for your mother, no matter what she did."

"It was that simple."

"No, nothing is ever that simple. We had been having problems in our marriage and she felt she couldn't turn to me. No, that's not true; she tried but I wasn't hearing her. I was absent and indifferent. But you'd have to ask your mother about how things were from her perspective."

"I plan to." I really did.

Which wasn't easy to do Somehow this, the most important one of the three conversations I needed to have was the hardest one.

It didn't help that she was so busy all the time. We all were but I did finally get to pin her down.

"Mom."

"Yes, Faith."

"I need to talk to you."

"All right."

"In private."

"Sounds serious."

"It is."

"Then let's go talk." She motioned me to follow her and I did. Into the den.

"What's this about?"

"It's about my conception, really. I need clarification on somethings before I go away to college and I've already talked to everybody involved but you."

"Everybody. Like who?" She looked less than happy.

"Aunt Nancy, Uncle Mark and Dad. That just leaves you. Mom."

"What is it you want to know?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe I just need to know that I wasn't really a mistake. I asked Dad why it didn't end your marriage."

"And what did he say?"

"That it wasn't as simple as turning love on and off like a faucet."

"That's what he told me."

"He wanted to end it."

She nodded.

"But he didn't."

She shook her head.

"Why"

"Because I almost killed myself that night."

"What?" To say I was shocked would be a huge understatement.

"He threw me out of our house. I felt like he was never going to forgive me, that our marriage was over and I just loved him so much that I felt that my life was over too. So, I was going to throw myself off the stairs. He opened the door to let me back inside just in time to see what I was going to do and he stopped me."

"Jesus fucking Christ!"

"Yes, well, I'm sorry to tell you this but promises were made long ago for no more secrets. If you ever came wanting the whole story, you were going to get it, no matter how hard it was to tell. And believe me, Faith, it isn't easy to tell you this, even all these many years later. If you were younger than you are now, I would have left out the attempted suicide part, but you are a young woman now, about to embark on adult life on your own and you deserve the whole truth."

Yes, maybe I did. Maybe she was right about that but it was sure a heavy thing to find out about your mother and your conception.

For long moments we just sat there, staring at each other not saying a word.

"Don't be like me."

"What?" I wasn't sure I was hearing her right, let alone following it right.

"I'm not just talking about the cheating thing, although, obviously that isn't something that I recommend but I'm talking about ever being in a state ready to end one's life over someone else. It's not healthy, Faith and it's not right. No matter how much I loved him and still do, that's not a good place to be in."

"No, I think you are right about that."

"So, just be better than me, all right. Just be better than all three of us. I know you can be."

"Thanks."

There was nothing left to say and so I left.

So, that's that. Well, not really because now that I'm going to go away to college I do have some decisions to make.

Medical specialty. As in what field I'll go into.

It goes without saying that I'm going to go to med school and be a surgeon, like all three of them. But what will be my specialty? Ah, there's the rub.

I don't want to be in any of their fields.

That means, no neuro surgery, no neonatal surgery, no plastic surgery I need to make my mark in my own field in my own way, not have to compete with anyone else. Especially not the three of them who have great reputations in their respective fields.

Luckily, the human body has many parts. Luckily, the medical field is wide open, with many specialties to choose from.

I have no doubt I'll find my calling and I will make my mark in it, just as all three of my most foremost influences have in their callings. I, Faith Hope Shepherd am on my way and I won't let anyone try and stop me.

The End.