It was easier said - or maybe rather thought - than done.

Caitlin's initial instinct told her to just go and confront the team, but as she was approaching S.T.A.R. Labs, her resolve started diminishing. Could she really just stride inside and casually ask them whether there was, indeed, another small - or maybe rather huge - change they'd neglected to mention? Or maybe it was better to just face Barry alone? Somehow, she couldn't imagine Cisco lying to her or keeping something so huge from her, but her other friend... Well, as much as she loved Barry, that was a completely different story. He had, indeed, once run back in time and changed things, later on trying to keep it all from them and rather unsuccessfully. How could she be sure that it hadn't happened again, especially with the mess getting their earth back caused.

Only this time it wasn't really Barry's deliberate fault. What he'd done was not selfish. He was actually willing to die himself so they would all live and she couldn't possibly hold it against him. If someone was to blame here, it was Nash as his doings had brought upon the crisis. Maybe he was the one Caitlin should direct her rage at, if she was right.

And what if she was...? She asked herself, by now entering the Labs and heading to the cortex. What if her crazy theory was nothing but true? What then? How could she truly live with this knowledge? How could she even comprehend that that she might've had another life that was actually the one she was supposed to have instead of this one? That she had actually been given a true love story?

... and then lost it.

She gasped on the sudden image appearing in her head out of nowhere. It was a pair of blue eyes, looking at her with love and care, his lips forming, "I love you," while calling her Snow.

Snow. What a peculiar way to address her by using her last name; yet, in the same time intimate and soft. It must've been something special for the both of them, something caring a meaning going beyond just official ties.

"Caitlin, are you ok?" she heard Cisco's concerned voice like through a fog.

She realized she did reach the cortex already, by now facing two of her best friends.

"I..." she started and truly didn't know where to go from there. "I don't really know," she finally followed with, not at all eager to look them in the eyes.

"Tell us what's wrong," Cisco encouraged, slowly making his way to her.

"You tell me." It was out of her mouth before she could stop herself, but in the end, so be it, she thought. She deserved to know the truth even if it made her feel crazy at the moment. Then again, crazier things happened in their lives - the benefits (or maybe rather disadvantages) of being friends with a speedster. On the other hand, she couldn't imagine how it would be like not to know Barry and to have her whole world changed without her knowing at all. She hoped there weren't people like this, but this kind of thinking was probably futile since they now shared an earth with Kara Danvers. Everything was possible. There were more lives and existences ruined than people who were actually still there.

"What do you mean?" Barry asked. "Did something happen?"

"Maybe rather something didn't," Caitlin pointed out, causing confusion.

"Cait, what are you talking about?" he prompted.

"Why do I keep dreaming about Harrison Wells and us being together and why does it feel more real than any other dream I have ever had?!" She didn't want it to come out this way, but it did. She erupted. Or maybe it was a good thing she did because no one in the room was prepared for the sudden confession and she could tell by the shocked and knowing looks on their faces that she hit the jackpot.

"You mean Harry," finally, it was Cisco who spoke and hearing the shortage for the name caused such a sudden and surprising piercing pain through her chest that she nearly gasped.

And them everything went blank.


Caitlin blinked, feeling the residual cold leaving her body and instantly realizing what had just happened.

Killer Frost. She must've jumped the opportunity, taking control while benefiting from Caitlin's own emotional disturbance.

Cait reacted to that with anger, which at the moment seemed better than the despair which had hit her before, causing her to fade away.

Yet, the pain she was so stubbornly ignoring at the moment made giving up control a tempting idea. It meant to forget, it meant not having to feel at all, so maybe, just maybe, if her entire world was going to fall into thousands of irretrievable pieces, maybe that was the way to go.

She refused to do it just yet, however tempting it seemed to choose anger instead of pain. After all, Caitlin Snow wasn't giving up that easily.

She needed to know the whole truth first.

Though it was possible it was far worse than what she suspected or could even imagine.

Oh, damn, she thought, seeing her suspicions confirmed as she glanced at Cisco's face.

Tears were evident in his eyes, expression screwed up in pain as he was fighting his own emotions. So he knew, she realized, feeling betrayed.

Cisco out of all people should have told her the truth and the fact that he hadn't meant that whatever had happened, however they were affected by it, it seemed to be irreversible.

"Caitlin..." Barry was the first one to speak now and she knew this tone of his voice well. It was his typical I-am-so-sorry-but-there's-nothing-I-can-do about it voice.

"No," Cisco interrupted him. "She should hear it from me." He approached her slowly but bravely, showing her the courage of a true friend.

She couldn't be mad at him right now, seeing the look on his face - the clear pain of more than just a loss. He was grieving for himself, yes, but there was more and it was the empathy towards her.

"I didn't tell you anything just because I wanted to exhaust every other option... Every... hope."

"Cisco, you shouldn't give that hope to her in the first place. There is no..." Barry started, but the other man just shot his hand to quiet him.

"Then I honestly didn't know how because you didn't remember like we did... It took me a while to figure out it was because of Killer Frost. Because she was back and felt protective. She's fighting to protect you."

"By lying to me?" Caitlin's voice was breaking. Inside she felt like shaking. She was completely out of balance. She seemed to know the truth already, to feel it, yet she had no memories whatsoever to back it up.

"It's not like convincing her of anything is a walk in the park when she sets her mind on something, is it? And I do... admit that… after a while of her blocking you whenever Harry popped up or when we were gathering up the courage to have a talk with you, I even started thinking that you don't deserve more pain. We were just glad she was back in your life."

"Wait... what? So she was gone?!" Caitlin's brain was going haywire, not able to grasp any of this anymore. "Why would she be gone? I... I feel like I can't breathe..." She then gasped, reaching her chair and nearly collapsing into it, feeling something else being wrong and very much so. Something that was not even the mysterious Harry or Killer Frost.

She could immediately feel her counterpart trying to block her again, but it was too late. She had too much information by now and taking back control was only getting easier.

She heard a scream in her head, her mind reaching another moment in time, time when she'd been completely falling apart because everything she had, had been threatened once again.

He was screaming because he was in pain - something to do with his brain, something that despite not killing him, would take him away from her all the same.

And there was a different cry as well. A cry she heard for the first time and was filled with nothing but pure love when holding him in his arms while Harry was there, her free hand in his...

Her eyes screwed up in sudden shock and blinding pain.

Did she... Did she have a family? Did they start one?!

"My baby..." Caitlin gasped, suddenly grateful that Barry sped off and back in, handing her a glass of water. "Where is my baby?!"

"We shouldn't do this," she again heard Cisco's voice like coming through a fog.

"What do you mean we shouldn't?!" Barry raised his voice. "Cisco, it's too late! She figured it out herself! She needs the truth!"

"How?! Should we just tell her everything then?! Or maybe leave her to struggle with it? The memories are still not there!"

Caitlin felt another whoosh of air and soon enough Barry was handing her over a small device that was foreign, yet again, looked so familiar. She knew it. He used this. He made it.

"Put it on. It'll help you. Do you want to be alone?"

"Yes," she said, her decision made as she reached for the reversed mental activity dampener with shaky hands. "I need to do it." She was surprised herself where this strength had come from, but she would hold onto it till she had no more. She took one last glance at worried Barry and Cisco still in and she turned around, heading to her lab.

It was time for the truth. She could only hope it would be better than never knowing and always being tortured by weird flashbacks and dreams.

She couldn't even think about Killer Frost and her protection. This was not the time for this kind of an argument and quite frankly, she was not sure herself if she wanted to find out about all this pain and suffering if she was absolutely oblivious to it. Would you want to remember everything even if there was nothing but pain and no hope?

Yes, something inside of her said adamantly. Because it was Harry. He was worth everything. Any moment with him, every single one was worth everything. Nothing else mattered.


Her hands trembled when she locked herself in her lab. She was not really ready but in the same time she could not stand not remembering any longer.

The moment the device was pressed against her forehead, her brain bombarded her with memories Killer Frost was not able to hide from her anymore.

"You don't want to see that," she still tried to fight it but was powerless to do so; the barrier between them temporarily gone.

"I need to see it. You can't take it away from me. It's a part of me."

"Yeah... and you were happier with me gone." She heard quite an insulted voice in response, but she could also detect pain. And at instance she remembered. She remembered that she had lost Frost. She remembered her mother finally explaining it all to her. She remembered things making sense. She made the choice to stop trying to get her twin sister back, that was never supposed to exist, for the benefit of her family. She couldn't risk her child's life and health.

Their child...

That was when the pain came.