Well, I somehow managed to write this. And I apologize if it is complete shite. This has been one hell of a year and I have had no desire to do what I truly love. I hope this chapter does the story justice. While it is really just a filler to get from one place to another, it also reveals a bit of Ben's memories and pent up emotions about his past. I really hope you enjoy it. I'm trying to work on the next chapter but nothing seems to want to be written, and I'm a full believer of 'Don't force it, if it's not working. Walk away and come back later.' Please enjoy, and send me some good writing vibes so I can get back to work and finish this ASAP!

:Chapter Thirty-Four:

It was Kylo Ren, not Ben Solo, who stalked into the obsidian citadel pulsing with the Dark Side of the Force. His own power radiating off of him in waves. The knights that remained, knew this man very well. And they knew what his show of power meant.

They gathered before him in the throne room and waited silently until he spoke.

"I know you don't all agree with the changes you have seen. I know you don't all feel that I should be as connected to Rey as I am. I know you don't all want things to change from how they have been for years now. But change is inevitable. And the Force has connected Rey and me for a reason.

"I have allowed Hux to go unchecked for too long and I have a feeling that he is not only planning a coup to take over the First Order but to also have me… us, killed."

The Knights of Ren stood stoic before him, shifting slightly as they continued to wait.

"What is your plan, Master?" Varon finally spoke up.

"We are going to destroy the First Order," Kylo Ren finally turned with a growl.

"And Hux?" Varon pushed.

He moved to stand before Varon, leaning in closely. Their eyes held, as he spoke. "He is mine. I will deal with him."

Varon studied his face, his green eyes taking in everything. He finally bowed his head and acquiesced to his master.

"What would you have us do, Master?" Sai-Has spoke up, his soft voice thickly accented with the tones of Jedah.

"We must return as if nothing has changed. As if we don't know that Hux desires the throne. And then we must strike quickly but silently. We need to remove the head and the body will die. And then we will slowly dismantle the First Order."

"Dismantle?" Jor Ko's deep voice rumbled through the throne room.

"I promised you a new order, and I will see it delivered. But in order to do that Hux and the entire First Order must be destroyed."

"You do realize that is not as simple as you make it seem." Varon arched a blonde eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.

"If you have nothing useful to add, then remain silent," Kylo growled as he stalked to the lift.

The three knights watched him step into the lift and the doors close behind him.

"This is not going to go the way he thinks," Varon muttered.

Both Jor Ko and Sai-Has glanced at their brother and then back at the door. Only Sai-Has nodded as he turned away.

.

The bridge was silent as the three knights watched the star streams of hyperspace move past them. Each deep in their own thoughts, their memories were surfacing from long ago.

"Why does she want to head to Yavin IV?" Thane finally broke the heavy silence.

Altair shrugged, but Daos Shen shifted in his seat and his brow furrowed.

"Perhaps, she is aware of something there that we are not. Perhaps that is where he told her to meet him. It doesn't matter. He sent her away for a reason. It is our task to guard her. We shall do what he asked of us," Altair answered.

"Perhaps she is going back to the beginning," Daos Shen said softly, his eyes still trained out the window.

It was Thane's turn to frown. "The beginning of what?"

Daos Shen glanced at his brothers out of the corner of his eye, and spoke softly. "The beginning of Kylo Ren."

"I don't think she's going to find what she is looking for." Thane rejoined.

Daos shrugged. "Perhaps it is not searching but understanding she is headed towards."

"Nothing good can come of returning there. This is not going to go the way she thinks." Thane turned his gaze back out the window.

Daos Shen studied his brother, his dark gaze searching, as he wondered if he was right.

.

Ben stood at the wall of windows in his suite of rooms, staring into the blood red sky. He could feel her, the thread that connected them tugged gently taut. It was a comfort to feel her power hum against his. Yet his mind slipped into the past, as memories, best left forgotten, surfaced to the forefront of his mind.

His sleep fogged brain worked sluggishly. What woke him? He could barely see, except for a bluish glow in the blackened room. Turning slowly, his dark eyes found his uncle and Master standing over him, his lightsaber drawn and poised to strike. For a moment his brain was blank, his body frozen in fear. And suddenly the adrenaline surged through his veins, as he reached out, beyond the specter of the reaper before him for his own saber. Igniting it and holding it aloft, he met the killing blow of his Master.

Or was it his own killing blow? Memory is a poor substitute for truth. All he knew to be true was the hurt and fear he had felt at that moment. At the pain of disappointment of once again being rejected by someone he had trusted. Could he have been the aggressor? Could his uncle have been protecting himself? At this point did it matter? The actions of that moment had set future events in motion.

Another memory came barreling into him.

He stood upon a narrow walkway, spanning an expanse of empty space on Starkiller Base, when he heard his name shouted by an achingly familiar voice. Turning, he retraced his last few steps and paused. The face pierced his chest, the words muddled and barely heard. But the memory of his racing heart and the agonizing fear nearly choked him still. The memory of needing to complete his task hung heavy in his mind. If he did this then he would be accepted. If he did this then everything would fall into place. The memory of tears sliding down his face rising to the front. He had cried? For himself? For his parents? For everything he was willing to lose in order to please his new master? He could not recall. Maybe all or maybe none, it didn't matter now.

His father accepting his plea, his lie, for help. How easy it had been to reach out for him. To ignite the saber that had taken his father's life. And then nothing. The confusion, the pain, the regret was still there. It was supposed to be gone. This act was supposed to seal his fate in the Dark Side of the Force, and yet he had never felt more shaken and torn. His spirit had truly been split to the bone with that one act.

And yet another memory, this one a bit softer, yet still as potent.

Her voice came from out of the darkness that surrounded Rey. A voice that had been part of a past he had tried so hard to forget. And yet, it still pulled at him, toppling his precariously built illusions. The memory of his anger at Rey for playing this game with him. And then the gut wrenching stab of fear when he learned the truth.

Her face had been older, softer, than he remembered. There were lines there that he hadn't seen before. And pain. So much pain echoed in her dark eyes. Eyes she had given to him. And even at the end she had still sparred with him. Challenged him. But she had not apologized for her failings. She had simply told him what he had needed to hear; what she had unknowingly withheld his whole life. At her last breath he was again split to the bone. Everything he had come from was now gone. He was irrevocably alone. Everything he had believed had collapsed at that point. Everything he had built his life around meant nothing any longer.

The memories bombarded him. Tearing at his soul. But he knew denying who he was, who he had let himself become, was only going to keep him traveling the same path. A path he desperately wanted to leave. For so long he had thought forgetting the past, was the only way forward. But she had taught him otherwise. She was strong in spite of her past, not because of it. She had not let her circumstances draw her to the darkness. She had chosen to remain in the light. He, now, had to fight his way back.

.

Stepping on to the bridge as the ship finally touched down in the flat basin of the Massassi Valley, Rey still marveled at the amount of green there was in the galaxy. The dense jungle rose up from the valley spotted with rivers and lakes, into the surrounding mountains. The sky showed blue overhead with wisps of white clouds.

"It's lovely," she finally spoke, after hours of separating herself from the knights.

Thane looked from Rey to the view outside the bridge windows. He shrugged. "Perhaps. For some."

She looked at each one of them before her. "I know this cannot be easy for any of you."

"It most definitely isn't." Daos Shen agreed.

"I would like to know what happened here. Not just that night, but what led up to it. What pushed you all to turn on your master."

Thane chuckled. "You knew him. You tell us."

"He wasn't an easy man. I'll give you that. But I met him after his student's had destroyed his school and turned on him. I can't imagine he was the same before all of that happened." Her voice held a bit of accusation.

"And maybe he was exactly the same." Thane scoffed.

Turning from the three knights, Rey looked out of the front portal window. As if just making the decision, she spoke.

"I need a speeder. I'm going to the temple site... alone. I want to see for myself what is there."

She spoke with authority and both Altair and Daos Shen remained silent.

"No. Master Kylo charged us with your safety. You cannot go alone." Thane argued.

Rey shrugged. "Then come with me."

The three knights looked from one to the other. No one wanted to go back there. Rey schooled her face to remain slightly annoyed and a bit bland, waiting for someone to volunteer.

"I'm going to pack my bag. Have a speeder ready for me when I return. If no one wants to come with me I will go alone. I think I can protect myself from anything that might be lurking in the jungle. After all… I can protect myself from you."

It was thrown over her shoulder, as she walked to her cabin, and she didn't look to see if her well placed barb hit home. She didn't want company and she had hoped that her journey to the temple they had destroyed would be the perfect excuse to go alone. It seemed like she had made the correct assumption.

Digging her leather bag from where Ben had stowed it, she slung it over her head and across her chest. The bag bumped against her side and rattled. Frowning, she reached for the flap and slid her hand inside, only to extract a lightsaber she had never seen before. Turning it over to examine it, she suddenly heard the rushing and then vacuum silence of their connection.

Rey turned quickly, to find Ben's hulking presence behind her. They stared at each other for a moment before she held out the unfamiliar lightsaber. He nodded.

"It was my mother's."

Rey's gaze moved to the saber again. Turning it over in her hands, she studied it carefully before she looked up at him again.

"My uncle had it at the temple. She must have given it to him before I was born. I found it when… that day."

"I don't deserve this, Ben." She shook her head.

A small smile lifted his solemn mouth. "You are the only one who does, darling."

"Thank you," she said softly.

He stepped towards her. "Stay safe. I will come for you."

As suddenly as the link had formed, it was cut short. Taking a deep breath, she released it and headed to the gangway, and out of the ship. All three knights waited for her at the bottom with a speeder. A knot formed in the pit of her stomach as she looked at their faces. Maybe she had miscalculated after all.

Daos Shen stepped forward, and held out his hand to her. Sittin in his palm was a holonav. "I have put the coordinates to the temple into the navigator. It will get you across the valley and through the jungle."

Rey reached for the small disc, and depressed the button on the side. A hologram image of the valley and surrounding mountains appeared with a path mapped in red for her to follow. Pressing the button again, it disappeared. Slipping it into the pocket of her vest, she nodded and moved to the speeder.

Thane stepped into her path. He was so close she could smell the musky scent of him. Pine, wood, and something innately him. So very different from Ben, and while not unpleasant, not familiar either.

"You will contact us when you arrive at the temple and when you are ready to return." It wasn't a suggestion as he held out a com to her.

Rey, having to tilt her head back to see his face, looked from the com to him, and contemplated refusing. But sense took over and she reached for the small device. Their fingers brushed as he released it to her and a shiver went through her.

Thane leaned in closer, his hair brushing against her cheek as his warm breath brushed across her ear. "While I would rejoice if you didn't return, Master Kylo would strip the flesh from my bones. I find I like living, so if you don't contact us by sundown I will find you and drag you back here by your throat if I have to."

Rey stepped back and looked up into his green eyes. The hatred was still there, but something else hid behind it as well. Pulling herself up to her full height, she took another step away from Thane.

"There is no need to worry about me returning. I will not abandon him now. And I find I'm growing tired of so many deaths. I'd like to avoid them if I can. Even your's, Thane," she said as she climbed into the speeder and started the engine.

Without another glance behind her, she pushed the throttle forward and disappeared from their sight into the dense jungle.

Daos Shen moved beside Thane. He stood there silently for a moment. Turning to Thane he finally spoke. "If you're trying to get yourself killed, brother, I think you have chosen a worthy adversary".

"She wouldn't kill me," Thane scoffed.

There was another pause of silence before Daos Shen spoke again. "No, she won't. But Master Kylo will."

Startled, Thane turned to him and watched as he walked back into the ship.

.

Rey slowed the speeder as she neared her destination. Reaching out with the Force, she felt for the presence of the knights first, and was relieved that no one followed her. Next, she reached out again, feeling for his presence. When she found him, she smiled a moment before she realized he wasn't alone.

Her smile fell as she slid from the speeder, and adjusted her bag over her shoulder. The heavy weight of the light saber resting against her hip was reassuring. The path was overgrown and on foot it wasn't easy to push through the tangle of jungle growth, but as she lifted a hanging branch, the valley revealed a flat expanse. But Rey had no thought for the beauty of the flora. Her gaze was immediately drawn to the ruin that had been Luke Skywalker's Jedi temple.

The temple had once sat at the center of the valley, the rise of the jungle mountains all around it. It must have been an imposing sight at one time, but now the vegetation had begun to lay claim to the ruins and it was slowly disappearing into the verdant green of its surroundings.

As she made her way closer she saw the looming figure of Chewbacca walking toward her. She didn't realize her steps had quickened until she found herself wrapped in his furry embrace. She felt his growl through her entire body and lifted her head to smile up at him.

"I missed you too."

He chuffed as he placed her back down on the lush jungle carpet.

"I'm fine. A bit tired, but fine," she pushed his hands away.

Chewy nodded, as he studied her from head to toe. Stepping back, Rey looked up at him.

"You told me you'd be coming alone." Her tone was accusatory.

Chewy whined and hung his head, as another figure appeared from behind the ruins of the temple. Poe moved toward them, hands raised in surrender. Rey immediately reached for the lightsaber in her satchel.

"Rey, wait! Wait. I've come to apologize. We were wrong. I… I was wrong," Poe called out to her as she pulled her hand and the saber from the bag.

"Wrong? You were wrong? You banished me from the base. You tossed me aside, just like my parents did. And now you want to apologize because you need my help. Funny how the tables have turned.

"When I needed you the most, you turned your back on me. But now that you need me, I'm supposed to forgive you?"

"You're right. I don't have any right to ask you for anything. All I can say is that I lost a parent when Leia died too. I lost someone who believed in me. Who saw something great in me, and supported me. And you took my last goodbye away from me. You let the man who turned his back on her to have her last moments. The man who killed her husband, and broke her heart."

"Yes, I did. Because he needed her last moments more than you did, Poe. They both needed to heal before it was too late." Rey refused to apologize for her decision.

"I was angry. I was more than angry. I was furious. And I couldn't see past that. I couldn't forgive you for giving him what I wanted. But time has made me realize that anger isn't the way to win this war. It isn't the way to create the galaxy the Leia had dreamed of.

"I'm sorry, Rey. I'm sorry for my part in banishing you. I realize now that what you did wasn't to hurt me but to heal them. And I know this is coming too little too late, but I am sorry. And we do need you."

He paused. "And him."

.

The console pinged that there was an incoming holomessage. Ben, running his hand through his hair, turned from his planning to answer. Pressing the button, a holographic image of Altair Rhys appeared. The grainy image bowed slightly to him.

"Master Ren, I felt the need to check in with you. I believe there are some things you need to know."

Schooling his features to remain impassive, he sat back and nodded. "Go ahead."

"Mistress Rey has left our group. She requested a speeder and headed off shortly after we touched down. We believe she is going to rendezvous with the members of the Resistance, but we aren't sure. She has a com-link that Thane gave her and we are tracking her, but I felt you needed to know."

Ben sat up straight. His face showing concern. "Where are you Altair?"

"Yavin IV."

The name bowled into him like a tsunami, and the memories dragged him under. And while he drowned in the images of his past his one thought was, why had she gone there?