A/N: so much has changed in my life since I last wrote these women. I hope I haven't lost momentum and you readers haven't lost interest!
In fact, Emma didn't drive Regina to retrieve her car from the college parking lot the next day. They did the grocery run together, in Emma's car, neither voicing the familiarity of the domestic chore. So, it was Monday morning by the time the duo returned to the campus, both women avoiding finding any reason over the previous two days to make the short drive and, in effect, end the spell. So Regina climbed out of Emma's car on the edge of campus after giving her a final kiss, a sign that the weekend well and truly had ended.
"I'll see you on Friday," Emma promised, kissing Regina's knuckles as her hand reached back into the car to pick up her handbag. If she had it her way, she'd be heading back to their home that evening after work but they had agreed the night before to spend another week apart and attend another therapy session. And because Emma had a busy week of work ahead, the two wouldn't see each other until they met outside Archie's office in five days time.
"I can't wait," Regina replied, smiling softly at her wife.
Wife. That word had come to feel normal again over the past two days. Not that the women had had a conversation about it but the life they had fallen into, the way they had interacted with each other and with their son too, was remarkably reminiscent of how the little family had lived in bliss for years before Emma's gambling addiction had reared its ugly head. For the most part, from the moment Emma walked back into their family home on Friday evening, to the time the women climbed into her car to drive to work on Monday morning, they had acted as wives. As they always had been.
Regina considered this as she walked across the parking lot, glancing at her abandoned car just to confirm that it was still there. It was. She continued towards her office, mind wandering from her first class back to Emma. Back to her wife. There was a long road ahead of them. With Emma's addiction, that road would never end. But Regina now knew that she didn't want her future not to contain Emma. More than that. She wanted Emma to be the centre of her future. Emma and Henry. That was who made her happy. That was who made her feel loved and special and safe and appreciated. No matter what it took, she was determined to put the past behind her and move on with their marriage.
"Oh sorry," Regina said automatically as she collided with someone as she rounded a corner inside her faculty building, sending the paperwork they'd been carrying scattering across the corridor. She bent to help pick up the loose sheets before realising who she'd walked into. "Kat."
"Regina," her friend replied, avoiding eye contact as she hastily gathered the paper which had escaped her grasp.
They worked in silence, picking up all the pieces until the floor was tidy once more. Regina stood up and handed out the sheets she'd collected to Kat. "Here you go," she said, feeling an awkwardness she'd never felt with her favourite colleague before.
"Thanks." Kat took the paperwork but continued to avoid Regina's gaze.
There was a moment's pause, when Regina wondered whether she should say anything but after deciding that not only was it not her responsibility to make amends but also that she was still angry, she said, "well, see you around."
As she set off down the corridor, Regina felt a sense of sadness and loss. With every step she took away from the woman she had once considered her closest friend, Regina knew the bond between them was being severed forever.
"Regina, wait."
She spun around at once, surprised by her body's eager, immediate reaction towards the prospective olive branch. Kat was walking back towards the stop where Regina stood, eyes glittering. Regina was surprised to see the blatant display of emotion on the woman's face and waited for Kat to say more.
"I'm sorry."
A good start, Regina supposed. A part of her wanted to forgive Kat at once, to draw her friend in for a generous hug and tell her about the amazing weekend she had shared with Emma. But another part of her was still hurting. Hurting for herself and for Emma. So she hesitated, waiting for Kat to elaborate.
"I fucked up," she sighed, eyes now cast down at her shoes. "I was projecting my own experiences onto you and Emma and that's not fair. I know Emma's different. I know she's not my father."
It took a moment to recall what the woman was talking about but the moment she did, Regina felt herself softening. In that moment, she remembered a conversation the two women had had early on in their friendship but the subject of which had never been broached again. "Your father was an addict." It was a statement, not a question.
"He was a drunk. A violent drunk. Loved the bottle more than he loved me and my mother. So when Emma gambled, I guess I assumed she was putting her addiction above you and Henry. It scared me, Regina. I was scared for you. But I know it's not my place to wade into a marriage the way I did and I'm sorry. Emma's different, I can see that now."
Glancing at her watch, Regina suggested to Kat that they move the conversation from the public hallway into an empty classroom, given that they both had fifteen minutes before their first classes started. Kat agreed and followed Regina into an empty seminar room a little way down the corridor.
"I'm sorry about your father," Regina began when they'd both sat down. "I'd actually forgotten what you told me about him until just now. I guess that makes me a bad friend, huh?"
"I don't talk about him much. And for good reason. You were under no obligation to remember my crappy childhood. I've moved on from what happened when I was a kid. Anyway, he died when I was fifteen. It's not like I spent the whole of my life dealing with him."
"No, just your formative years. I'm so sorry, Kat. I can't imagine how hard that would have been," Regina replied.
Kat nodded and then shrugged. "It's in the past. And that's my point. My experience with my father was years ago. Decades, even. And it has nothing to do with you and Emma. But for some reason my stupid brain made the connection and instead of being happy for you, I reacted based on my own experiences with a completely different addiction. I know drinking is different to gambling. I know Emma isn't my father."
"They're different addictions but they are both addictions. I can understand why you were nervous. Hell, I was and am still nervous. Just like your father made a choice each day to drink, Emma has to make a choice each day not to gamble. I see the similarities, Kat. I can understand why you felt you needed to be protective of me. But what I do struggle with is what you said to Emma."
It would have been naive, Kat realised, to think that her conversation with Emma hadn't been relayed, word for word, to Regina. The women shared everything. It was something she'd always admired and envied about their relationship.
"Which part?" Kat asked, recognising that there were many parts which Regina may choose to take umbrage at.
"You told her you were angry at me rather than her. You said you couldn't understand how I couldn't see through Emma's act and that I was deluded if I thought I could change her."
Hearing the words back, Kat winced. She knew, instantly, that it was another example of her projecting her own experiences onto her friend. Guilt welled up inside at once.
"My mother," she said, offering an explanation, a justification. "As a teenager, I was so mad at her for staying with my father. I didn't understand how she put up with it. I didn't understand why she stayed, why she didn't just up and leave. I kept asking her, pleading with her to take me and my brother and leave my father. I told her I didn't need a dad, I didn't want a dad like him. But she told me that he was a good man underneath and that she could help him get better. Now I can see that the problem was that my dad didn't want to get better. He couldn't care less about stopping his drinking. He didn't see it as a problem in the first place. My mother was never going to change him and I knew she was deluded to think that she could. So, I guess that's another example of me projecting. I'm so sorry, Regina. I never meant to react so strongly. I guess everything that happened brought up some shit I've not dealt with. But that's my issue, not yours. And I should never have spoken to you or to Emma the way I did. Does she hate me? Do you hate me?"
"I don't hate you, Kat," Regina said quickly. "I could never hate you. I was hurt, I won't deny that. We both were. Something positive had happened in my life for once and I wanted to share it with you. So when you weren't happy for me, yeah, that hurt. And because I was upset, Emma felt sad too. That's why she came here, although I had no idea that was her plan, by the way. She wanted to try and smooth the way for us to reconcile, but I guess perhaps it was still too soon for you."
"I was still processing. But I'm an adult; I shouldn't have gone off at her like that and said such hurtful things. I truly am sorry and I understand if Emma never wants to spend time with me again."
"Emma's hurt and confused, just like I was. She likes you, Kat. She considered you a friend. But she came to see you because she could see that I had been upset by our conversation and she wanted to make me happy by helping us to make up, I suppose. Perhaps it was misguided but she thought coming to speak with you would help. Once I explain to her what happened and why you reacted as you did, I'm sure she'll understand."
"Really? And you … I mean, do you forgive me?"
Regina cocked her head to one side, considering her friend who suddenly looked so small and vulnerable and unsure of herself. "Of course I forgive you, Kat. I know that whatever you said was said because you care for me. It wasn't said out of malice."
"I do care for you. And for Emma. I just want you to be happy."
"I know. But what you have to accept is that Emma makes me happy. Regardless of our past, and we all know Emma's made some mistakes. No one's perfect. I made mistakes too. But we're happy together, Kat. We're meant to be together, I know that to be true in my heart."
"I know it too," Kat said with a smile. "Any fool can see that you two are soulmates. If any couple can face addiction, it's you two. I'm just sorry my own history clouded my judgement."
"We all let our emotions take over at times. I guess emotions are why I kicked Emma out in the first place. And they're also why I invited her back into our family home. Emotions are powerful and confusing and we can't always control them. So I do forgive you, Kat. All I ask is that you trust me and Emma to make our own decisions about our relationship."
"Of course I trust you," Kat said at once.
"And Emma?"
"I trust her too," Kat replied solemnly. "I know how much she loves you and Henry. She will do everything in her power not to hurt her family, which is more than could be said for my father."
There was a pause. Regina wasn't sure what to say to the sad note at the end of Kat's declaration. So she did what she had planned to do ever since she'd realised their friendship wasn't doomed. "Do you want to come over to dinner this weekend? Clear the air between you and Emma?"
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely. We'd both be happy to have you. Does Saturday work for you?"
Kat positively beamed. "Saturday's perfect. I'll bring dessert."
A/N: I wrote this from an old sofa in my new (but 250 year old) house with my cat beside me because there isn't a dog around to terrorise her any more - bliss!
