Harm's Room

Bethesda Naval Hospital

After Jordan left


Harm just sat and thought about everything Jordan had pointed out to him. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he was in reality making this all about Mac and Tommy and not about him. He took his good hand and pinched the bridge of his nose.

God his head was a foggy mess now, now he was starting to question everything all his choices he had made. Did he really want to hang up his wings? Could he really walk away and be happy? Would he look back one day and blame Mac? Would he walk away from her and the kids?

Why; why was he suddenly thinking about all this for? Earlier everything was so easy, he knew what he wanted, who he wanted. Now nothing made any sense to him. Damn Jordan; why of god's green earth did she have to be the one to walk into his room. Better question why did he let her get to him. Still wrapped up in the war ranging in his head. He never hard his door open up.

"Harmon you look to be a million miles away darling?"

"Mom? When did you walk in?"

"Just now. I ran into Sarah in the waiting room. I convinced her to let Frank take her and Tommy home. She looked so worn out."

"Mom, I don't know what's wrong with me. Earlier I was so sure about my life. Now I'm starting to second guess everything. Even Mac."

"So she's Mac again? Not your Sarah?"

"I just don't know mom. I thought I did. I thought I was doing right by her and Tommy. I thought by giving her everything she wants I am giving myself everything I want."

"Don't you want a family? "

"I thought so, now I think.. I'm using them as a way to hide from my own fear of not being in control."

"In control of what?"

"My life! I think I still want to be A Naval Aviator."

"Doesn't Sarah want that for you too?"

"Yes she says she does."

"Darling than were is the problem? If she supports you and wants you to stay true to who you are; why are you questioning your life?"

"My head is telling me one thing; my heart is telling me something different."

"Listen to your heart. Let it guide you. The heart will never lie. I did that with your father. I had to let him be the man he wanted to be, I had to love him enough to let him be free."

"Mom; do you think I'm..."

"Shhhh... Harmon... close your eyes and listen to your heart for the right answer. I'll be back in a while." She leaned over and kissed Harm on the head, picked up her purse and headed out. In the meantime Harm closed his eyes doing as his mom advised him to do.

( inside Harm's Mind )

Harm found himself standing in the bedroom of what he guessed to be his house. He looked around the room for any clues as to the state of his life. That's when he spotted the photos. Walking over he began to look at them.

His kids where not baby's anymore, they where grown up. He didn't see any photos of Sarah, just of kids 2 kids Tommy and Rosie. He turned when he heard talking from the hallway.

"I said I'd take him today!"

"Why?"

"Cause you know how he gets."

"Yes I know; that's why I should take him."

"Thomas please I don't want to fight you on this."

"Come on Sarah; for once let's agree to both take him to see her."

Harm had heard enough; he walked out of the room and went over to his grown kids. Both stoped fighting when they saw him.

"Dad we where."

"I heard you Rosie."

Sarah looked at her father with a shocked face. "Rosie? You've not called me that since I was 6 years old. Are you okay? You took your meds today right?"

Now Harm was really confused, his meds? What meds was she talking about? Deciding to fake it, he replied with a 'yes'.

Both kids just looked at father with concern in their eyes. Thomas spoke - "Dad how are you feeling today?"

"Fine; why do you ask?"

They both looked at each other, dreading this next part. They knew this would happen it happened every year on his anniversary.

"Dad do you know what today is?"

"Wednesday why are you asking, where is Sarah?"

They both put their heads down, they knew he hadn't been taking his meds again. Sarah went over and took her fathers hands ."Daddy, mom passed away 15 years ago. She was killed by a very bad man. You risked your life to try and save her. Ever since than you've blamed yourself. You always said you should have listened to you heart, that's why you blamed yourself. Daddy we never blamed you, you did everything you could to save her. She knew you did, her last words she ever spoke where only to you. She told you to listen to your heart."

( Back in Harm's room )

He suddenly opened his eyes looking around his room. Not seeing anyone in there. He started pulling out the IV's and ripping off the monitors. He had to get out of this room. He needed to get home to his Sarah and his baby boy.