Fanfic (for Cimar)

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Nick: Bored…

Nick: Bored…

Judy: Bored?

Nick: Wow, seems I'll have to add clairvoyance to the list. You really are a Bun of many talents.

Judy: Ha-Ha…

Nick: The correct response is 'And don't you know it' I'll have you know.

Judy: Oh really?

Nick: Yup. Talented though you are, you're not flawless.

Judy: Pot-kettle.

Nick: Oh, I know I'm a highly flawed fox. Not even second-pawed… I'm the one held at the back of the garage, hidden under a tarp so it doesn't bring the other ones prices down. Even Skye would think twice before saying I'd be worth fixing.

Judy: Nick…

Nick: Turn me on, the warning lights are already lit up.

Judy: Is one of those the 'pesters bunny when bored' lights?

Nick: Your observational skills are beyond measure.

Judy: Har-Har.

Nick: I mean seriously, locked down again? Round 1 was bad enough!

Judy: Don't remind me.

Nick: And you'd think that us cops would be essential workers…

Judy: Yeah, I don't get that one either.

Nick: Sounds like the kind of plot hole someone would have to set up a crappy fanfic concept.

Judy: ?

Nick: I see that one did not hit home base. Nvmind…

Judy: So, Nick… You read fanfic, eh?

Nick: Fox pleads the 5th.

Judy: Overruled!

Nick: I may have once read a robin hood fanfic.

Judy: …

Nick: Several…

Judy: …

Nick: Okay, when I was 16 I did a Robin Hood fanfic…

Judy: Name.

Nick: No.

Judy: Name please?

Nick: Not happening.

Judy: Nam Plox

Nick: nada. Nyet. Nien.

Judy: NmPlz

Nick: We're texting. Those bunny eyes will not work on me.

Nick: Muzzletime call, denied!

Judy: Imagine them!

Nick: Crap, uhhhh…

Judy: MORE!

Nick: And watching Ewetube now! Mam, I should have done this from the start.

Judy: Ranger Blue: Robin Hood the movie but with awesome squire Ranger Blue.

Nick: I WAS LESS THAN HALF MY AGE OKAY!

Judy: I'm gonna review all the chapters HEHEHEHE…

Nick: This is payback, isn't it?

Nick: For bothering the bun.

Judy: Hey, it certainly stopped the boredom.

Nick: In hindsight, boredom is underrated!

Judy: Just like Ranger Blue as he convinces three guards to jump into the moat, then shoots three guards, then swordfights against three more, Robin and Little John having to take a break just to stare in awe.

Nick: (Angry/embarrassed fox noises)

Judy: And is now gushed over by them, asking R Blue how they can become so pawsome and cool?

Nick: You love Fuzzy Justice, right?

Judy: Hahaha. Read a few but none written.

Nick: One way to prove that wrong…

Judy: Yes, but you sold your time machine to Finn. Outta luck Fox.

Judy: Can you give me a demonstration of the pawpsicle punt of peril?

Nick: I found Judy Hopps fanfic.

Judy: No you didn't.

Nick: I did. There's tons.

Judy: Yes. And it's the Berenstain Bears. I wrote nothing.

Nick: Okay, first off, it IS the Berenstain Bears. Secondly, this isn't stuff you wrote. It's fanfic, of YOU. Of US.

Judy: Yeah, no…

Judy: Sweet cheese and crackers.

Judy: Oh carrot sticks.

Judy: Oh rhubarb and rutabaga…

Nick: You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Judy: Not the time.

Nick: Still… I think that's the boredom problem gone.

Judy: I'm not sure if I like it.

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Nick: Well, the world hates me.

Judy: Oh, don't be so melodramatic.

Nick: Is there a rule with these guys? Do they have a bunch of commandments on a wall somewhere? The Fox must suffer.

Judy: Hey, at least you don't have your character assassinated in some crappy pro-life comic… thing…

Nick: Wait for the sequel.

Judy: Can I not?

Nick: Probs for the best.

Judy: Is it me, or is the internet full of horrible mammals?

Nick: Eternally cynical? Oooh good, I'm rubbing off on you.

Judy: Remind me to shower more.

Nick: Shower more.

Judy: Not now, dumb fox!

Nick: Your mock outrage hides your laugh. Anyhow, looking at the figures… the people like seeing me shot, stuck in prison… -actually no, there's lots of art of both of us going to jail, and it's not from the Bellwether truthers… Oooh look, here's me, a fugitive of a crime I didn't commit. And again. And again! Boy, is that a popular one. Oh look, something to spice it up. Here I'm not a fugitive.

Judy: Oh good.

Nick: I'm on death row for a crime I may or may not have have committed.

Judy: Well don't you know? (Also, you typo'd, dumb fox)

Nick: I have have all the haves haves I want, thank you very much.

Judy: And the crime?

Nick: Have, have, have, have…

Judy:…

Nick: Amnesia. Typical.

Judy: Well isn't the truth revealed later.

Nick: My dear Hopps, old Major Friedkin would have a field day with this one. It's DEAD.

Judy: Typical.

Nick: Anyhow, we're forgetting the important things in life here.

Judy: Such as?

Nick: You need to shower more.

Judy: …

Nick: Shall I punch myself?

Judy: If you could.

Nick: Okay then. (Thump). Aaaaand that's Fox abuse, Fluff.

Judy: (Rolls eyes)

Judy: You know, this is just depressing.

Nick: ?

Judy: All these stories of us. Just getting hurt. Or suffering.

Nick: I heard somewhere that the key to great writing was to make characters you love…

Judy: Yes, exactly!

Nick: Then do horrible thing to them.

Judy: …

Nick: Smug mode, activated.

Judy: Listen, we all know that's a fox's default setting. But why can't there just be a fic full of fluff, and happiness, or…

Nick: I don't know, I… Hmmmm…

Judy: Hmmmm?

Nick: It's nothing.

Judy: You literally typed it out, so it's got to be something.

Nick: How do you know I'm not using text to speech?

Nick: Cough Cough. Hack…

Judy: Your rampant overacting.

Nick: (Feigns ignorance)

Judy: (Rolls eyes)

Nick: Anyhow, back to the matter at paw?

Judy: Yes?

Nick: You need to shower more.

Judy:…

Nick: Anyhow, I actually did find something fluffy.

Judy: Oh did you now?

Nick: 'The Fluff Files'

Judy: Lemme look…

Judy: Oh that's nice.

Nick: Yeah. A bunch of fluffy stories with us together.

Judy: That's nice.

Nick: I mean looking through, there's us at my mothers (sidenote, I'm a bit worried how close they got her) looking after our babies together.

Judy:…

Nick: ;)

Judy: Listen, I…

Judy: Okay, that is cute!

Nick: Yeah. And the next one is us as benders from Avatar.

Judy: Oooh sweet.

Nick: And the next has you being sent on mandatory meditation training.

Judy:…

Nick: And you failing it as you heard a crime outside and couldn't control yourself.

Judy: (I am in this picture and I do not like it).

Nick: And the next one is lampshading all the pictures of us in jail uniforms.

Judy: But it's by a different guy. Also, WE'RE GOING AS BONNIE AND FOXY.

Nick: Fine, fine. Is there anything else by this guy.

Judy: There's a big one full of you trying to kiss me 100 times to make me fall in love with you.

Nick: I am in this picture and I LIKE IT.

Judy: DO NOT GET ANY IDEAS!

Nick: Too late.

Judy: NOPE, NOPE, NOPE…

Nick: Resistance is futile.

Judy: Listen, not that I'm against the idea of us together or something, but we're not doing that.

Nick: So, you're for us getting together, huh?

Judy: NO!

Judy: I mean maybe…

Judy: Okay, when we can, we have a date together instead of doing the kissy thing. Sound good?

Nick: Did you just ask me out on a date!? (answer is yes, but still…)

Judy: I… -Uhhhh…

Nick: Are your ears as red as Bogo's face after Clawhauser ate those donuts booked in as evidence?

Judy: Yes…

Nick: Well, if this mammal wanted to see us together, it seems they're getting their wish.

Judy: Ah. Only a first date. Most of those fail, after all.

Nick: Fortunately, this one involves a bunny that doesn't know when to quit.

Judy: Nick…..

Nick: Yup?

Judy: Are you actually… you know… into me?

Nick: Well, Judy. I've had a lot of feelings, and a lot of time to think them through.

Judy: Yes…

Nick: And…

Judy: And?

Nick: You need to shower more.

Nick: Also, you know you love me, do you not?

Judy: Yes… Yes I do.

Nick: Awwww…

Judy: I'm not sure why though.

Nick: Ah, that's life. You know, I can't wait for this date!

Judy: You know what… Neither can I.

Nick: Yeah, but what to do until then.

Judy: Read more of this guy's fanfic?

Nick: An excellent idea, and…

Judy: Nick?

Nick: OH SWEET MOTHER MARIAN!

Judy: What?

Nick: He did us in as the characters in Zorro!

Judy: OMG I USED TO LOVE THAT SHOW!

Nick: ME TOO! AND YES, I'M ZORRO.

Judy: And I'm the Comandante.

Nick: Yup! You're mean to begin with!

Judy: You know from experience that I get better.

Nick: With the help of fox irritation.

Judy: The author certainly got that part right…

Nick: Yeah, that's actually a bit uncanny.

Judy: Yeah, uhhh…

Nick: Judy?

Judy: Yes?

Nick: Are we in a fanfic right now?

Judy: After looking around and making sure, I can confirm we're not.

Nick: Yeah. But if we're in a fanfic, that's exactly what you'd say, isn't it?

Judy: Nick, are you going into one of those existential phases again?

Nick: I suppose there's at least one thing we can take comfort in.

Judy: Which is?

Nick: If you die in fanfic you don't die in real life.

Judy: Ha, ha… Still, this is really fun. And I suppose the person could get all this by making guesses from our public appearances.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah…

Nick: They know about Finnick.

Judy: Uh oh…

Nick: Who is this person? Why are they so obsessed with us!?

Judy: I… Maybe Finnick is the writer?

Nick: I'm skimming ahead. They know about Skye! They know about Eliot and Chloe too.

Judy: Does Finnick?

Nick: NO!

Judy: Oh sweet cheese and crackers.

Nick: WE ARE STUCK IN A FANFIC!

Judy: Or maybe Eliot is doing it! That's right! Creepy stalker wolf! That's why he made Finnick mute, so he doesn't have to try getting his voice. I'll call up Chloe now!

Nick: If I were a better mammal I'd warn Eliot about an incoming fork.

Nick: I am not a better mammal.

Judy: She says Eliot showed her his account. It's not him!

Nick: Then WHO? Who is this mysterious mammal out there, writing so much about us? Making fluffy stories about us, and making it so we live happily ever after and… -in this other story they know about my muzzling…

Judy: Oh Nick.

Nick: Though we do get sweet revenge on two of the guys, so I think I'm okay with this.

Judy: You are?

Nick: This is fine.

Judy: Is that imitating that cartoon with the dog in the room on fire?

Nick: Everything is okay. This is fine…

Judy: Yes. This is fine…

Nick: Everything is okay…

Judy: There are no problems at all…

Nick: We go on with our lives as normal…

Judy: No need to feel anything either way…

Nick: This is how it's meant to be…

Judy: And we are fine…

Nick: You need to shower more.