Reckless Surrender :: Chapter Thirty One

Hope sat uncomfortably in her office at the Salem Police Department. It was a Monday. At Marlena's urging and Abe's delight, Hope was pushing paperwork. She didn't exactly mind, but she couldn't focus. She was jumpy. She looked over her shoulder constantly. Hiding at home made it easier for her to avoid the constant feelings of fear and inadequacy. She didn't want to admit she had a problem.

A knock on her door made her heart pound. She turned quickly in her chair to see the exact person she was afraid of running into at work. The exact person who made her hide out for weeks. The same person who made her afraid of going in public. She squirmed in her chair. Aiden offered an apologetic smile. Her throat constricted in response. Her skin crawled.

"I'm sorry to bother you," Aiden spoke softly, "Do you have a minute? I won't take long."

Hope swallowed slowly, searching for words, "What do you want?"

Aiden stepped into her office, but kept his distance.

"Leave the door open," Hope ordered. She wanted to run. She wanted to scream. Her heart raced.

"Hope," Aiden held his hands up in surrender, "I'm not here to hurt you. I swear. I'm not here to cause any trouble either. I came to apologize again… And to thank you."

"For what?" Hope asked calmly. She fiddled with a pen. Her mind raced. She tried to force herself to stay calm. Her eyes fell on the place where her sling used to rest. At least she had two hands to fight back with this time. She looked back at him, realizing he was speaking. She didn't want to listen. Her ears burned.

"For not pressing charges. You could have ruined my career, but you didn't. You had every right to turn me in. I feel terrible for what I did to you." Aiden stared at the floor, "I've never been a good loser."

Hope didn't have anything to say. She didn't press charges for her benefit, not his. She silently cursed Marlena for making her do this. She wondered if Marlena arranged this. She felt sudden rage.

"I've been going to AA meetings. I have a new sponsor." Aiden sighed, "I haven't had a drink since that night."

Hope nodded, "Good."

"Anyway," Aiden shrugged, "I won't keep you. I just wanted to say hello. It's good to see you back at work."

"Everything okay in here?"

Hope jumped at the sound of Bo's voice in her doorway, but found immediate relief in his presence. She physically relaxed a little, but a swarm of emotions surprised her.

"I was just leaving," Aiden nodded, "Excuse me."

Bo stepped aside to let Aiden leave the room, and then stepped into Hope's office. He closed the door behind him.

"FancyFace?"

Hope stood from her desk. Her hands trembled and she shook them in an attempt to make the trembling stop. Tears threatened her and she didn't know where they came from. She looked at Bo, hating the fact that she needed him. She didn't want to need him, but she did.

"Hey," Bo hugged her before she could pace.

"I don't know where all these feelings are coming from." Hope fought the tears, "I don't want to feel like this."

"You're scared." Bo replied, "It's okay to be scared. He attacked you."

Hope shook her head, "I can't breathe."

Bo pulled her to him, hugging her tightly to his chest. She clung to him, absorbing his strength.

"It's okay." Bo whispered, "Deep breaths. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Hope swallowed again as her throat finally relaxed. She pulled away to look up at him.

"You're safe here." Bo reminded, "You're always safe with me."

Hope nodded, "I know."

Bo kissed her forehead, "You're strong Hope. Don't let your fear fool you. You've been through a lot."

"I can't even push paperwork without feeling traumatized. How am I ever going to be a cop again?" Hope asked quietly. She felt ashamed. It was her first day back at work and she already felt defeated.

"One step at a time," Bo shrugged, "You just started getting out of the house. Let's go back to the basics."

"What do you mean?" Hope asked.

"You'll be medically cleared soon. We'll train like the old days. Jogging, self defense class, weight training, boxing…When you're cleared by Marlena, we do target practice, run drills…" Bo sat on her desk, "We'll make your skills strong and boost your confidence. You're a good cop Hope. Nothing's changed."

"You won't have time for any of that." Hope shook her head, but she liked the idea.

"I'll make time." Bo argued, "This is important to me Hope. I want to help."

Hope offered a small smile, "What about our case?"

"It's still open," Bo shrugged, "It's not nearly as fun without you. I'm sure it will still be there when you're ready to get back to work. In the meantime Abe is letting Roman and Rafe help out."

"You don't think it will be closed by the time I'm ready?" Hope raised an eyebrow, "With three detectives on the case?"

"Nope," Bo shook his head confidently, "Due to the fact that we're missing our best one."

Hope smiled, "I guess I am pretty good."

"Damn right you are," Bo smiled back. He kissed her quickly, "You need help with some of that paperwork?"

Hope's eyes found the ominous pile that loomed up at her, "Are you sure? Isn't there something more 'cops and robbers' like for you to do?"

Bo laughed, "Probably, but I'd rather stick around… make sure you know what you're doing and all."

"You know," Hope raised her hands with a shrug, "It's been so long, you might have to double check a couple of things. Reteach me. You know how I love being supervised."

"I don't recall you ever liking supervision," Bo mumbled as he sat down on the opposite side of her desk.

She smiled. She hated supervision, but she loved him. She handed half of the stack over to him and they began the task in silence. One step at a time she would recover, and she was confident that he would be there every step of the way.