Chapter 35

"My master said that you wanted to talk."

Anakin spoke from the doorway, peering into the small room in the Healer's Ward. Ben sat in a chair at Obi-Wan's bedside, keeping a quiet vigil over his master as he slipped the panels on that infuriating puzzle box back and forth. It was obvious it was just fidgeting, he wasn't really concentrating. Setting the box down in his lap, he stirred and looked up, shadows clinging beneath deep brown eyes. "You've barely spoken to me since we returned."

"There's been a lot going on." Anakin shrugged off his fellow padawan's concern, hoping he would let the subject rest. Ben wasn't usually one to pursue confrontation.

"Are we still friends?"

So much for hoping. Anakin looked away briefly, biting down on his lip as he glanced back into Ben's unyielding gaze. The Chosen One let out a deep sigh as he pulled a chair over and sat down facing Ben.

"Fine, if you want to talk, let's talk."

Ben nodded his head, nearly a perfect mimic of one of Obi-Wan's gestures, and Anakin felt his confidence begin to bleed away.

"I am still having a hard time understanding what happened."

"My master ordered me to go …" Ben began calmly.

"And Force forbid you disobey, even once in your life."

"I made a promise when I first became his padawan that if he ever ordered me away, I would go, and I wasn't going to break that promise, Anakin." There was no apology in his voice and he was apparently at peace with his decision. "I didn't understand at the time why he would even ask, but I do now. If I had stayed, we would both be dead. Is that what you would have preferred?"

Anakin clenched his teeth together. He hadn't realized he was coming to a lecture. "But you just … left … you abandoned him."

"Do you think it was easy?" Ben snapped, the breach in the calm quiet demeanor taking Anakin by surprise. "Well, it wasn't. It about killed me to leave him behind, and now you apparently doubt I care for him."

"No, I know you care for him." Anakin shook his head, again confused about what he really thought. He wanted to say that Ben couldn't really care if he left, but seeing him face to face, there was no way he could doubt that Ben would give his life for Obi-Wan if necessary. "You never would have gone back if you didn't. You would have done what the Council told you to do."

"What is really bothering you?" Ben asked.

Anakin stared away at the wall before simply stating. "I wouldn't have left."

"And that would have been your choice."

"I could have saved him if I was there ..."

"Maybe," Ben interrupted. "Even if you could have, you can't be everywhere and save everyone all the time."

How could Ben understand what it was like to be the Chosen One, to know that he would be the most powerful Jedi, and to have this uncertain, unexplained destiny hanging over his head? "I am the Chosen One, Ben."

"Maybe you should just try to be a Jedi padawan for now," Ben suggested, offering a crooked grin. "No one expects you or any of us to be perfect."

Anakin felt like his brain was going to burst open, too many thoughts churning, too many challenges to what he wanted to hold on to. "When was the last time you left this room?" he asked, hoping to change the subject. He had overheard Garen expressing concern to Xanatos over Ben's behavior.

"Not you too," Ben groaned as he tipped his head back against the wall. "I have already received enough lecturing from Master Muln."

"Obi-Wan's not going anywhere," Anakin said, the corner of his mouth turning up in a grin. "I'll keep an eye on him if you just want to get up and stretch for a while."

"Anakin …"

He raised an eyebrow, staring Ben down. "You don't want my master to get after you also, do you?"

"Okay." Ben held his hands up in surrender. "Call me …"

"If there is any change or he wakes up … I know."

Ben stood, stopping at the door to look back worriedly at his mentor one last time. It was obvious he was reluctant to leave, making Anakin wonder how he could have ever doubted Ben's devotion to Obi-Wan. He was glad for the silence that followed and closed his eyes. The flow of the Force through the room was warm, familiar, and calm and he began to drift amidst those peaceful currents.

"He's right you know."

The hairs on the back of Anakin's neck stood up, a chill running down his spine at the unexpected, dry voice. He whirled around, catching a glimpse of blue-gray eyes barely cracked open.

"Obi-Wan?" He rushed forward, leaning in to gather Obi-Wan's shoulders in a gentle embrace. "You're awake," he said, letting out a nervous chuckle. "Wait!" He straightened back up, turning toward the door. "Ben … I need to grab him …"

"Ben can wait a few minutes." Anakin paused at the door. He recognized the tone in Obi-Wan's voice and began to wonder exactly how long the Jedi master had been awake listening. Making his way to a small table, he picked up a pitcher of water. "Are you thirsty?" he asked hopefully.

Anakin poured a glass at a slight nod, hurrying to help Obi-Wan take a sip before reluctantly sitting down in the chair. Obi-Wan peered at him through sleepy eyelids.

"Did you blame me for Qui-Gon's death?"

"What sort of question is that?" Anakin slid all the way forward in his chair, his face scrunching up in confusion. "A Sith killed Master Qui-Gon."

"I wouldn't blame you if you had," Obi-Wan continued in a whisper. "I blamed myself for a long time. If only I had run faster … if I hadn't fallen off the walkway … if he had listened to me." Pale lips curled into a slight smile. "The past and the theoretical are no place to live. The truth of it is that Qui-Gon knew we were tiring, and he was trying to end it fast. He was determined to protect his padawan, just as I protected Ben."

"We almost lost you."

Obi-Wan let out a tired sigh, something telling Anakin that he had heard those words before. "And someday you will. Joining the Force is part of life's journey, and I have a feeling I will reach that part before you." Obi-Wan reached out his hand, resting it on top of Anakin's. "You can't be afraid of that."

"I know that, but it hurts to think about it."

"It will. We always miss those we lose," Obi-Wan said with a slight nod. "The greater the part they played in our lives, the greater the void. But we cannot afford to live in fear."

"I should go find Ben."

"I already called to him." Obi-Wan smiled. "You can go find your master. He's shielding quite heavily right now."

An underlying question colored the Jedi master's words, and Anakin scowled at having to be the one to explain. "He's had a hard time since he found out you were injured. He's even been pretty closed off with me." Anakin stood up, grinning slightly before leaving the room. "I'll go find him."

The confusion he felt in Anakin troubled Obi-Wan, especially if Xanatos had been struggling himself, but he sensed it would be a while before he had the entire story of what had happened. His eyes slid shut as he enjoyed the simple amusement in how quickly he could sense his padawan approaching, almost imagining Ben trying to hurry but remain dignified at the same time. A rush of boot steps heralded his padawan's arrival. Ben stopped in the doorway, and Obi-Wan couldn't help but notice that he had changed. He was obviously exhausted and worn down by worry, but he also looked older, wiser, another layer of innocence ripped away from his childhood. It was similar to the first time he had seen death and suffering, the first time he had taken a life with his own hands, and Obi-Wan had been there for him. This time Obi-Wan feared he had weathered life's lessons alone. Ben fidgeted, perhaps deciding whether to fling his arms around his mentor's neck or be more reserved, but Obi-Wan didn't care. It was good to just see him alive and well.

"Master?" Ben finally said.

"Yes, a little worse for the wear, but I'm here."

"I've been so worried. I …" He dropped down in the chair at Obi-Wan's bedside, scooping up his mentor's hand, and Obi-Wan squeezed it tightly, knowing the youth needed the physical reassurance."

"I am so proud of you, Padawan. You acted like a Jedi … like a knight."

Ben bowed his head down, the curled end of his braid brushing the sheets. "I almost touched the Darkside."

"But you found your way again and brought us both to safety," Obi-Wan quickly assured him.

"I know. I talked with Master Xanatos."

"I'm glad he was here for you." He felt the youth's heightened anxiety and cocked his head to the side, Ben looking up sharply as he sensed his mentor's concern. "Don't be harsh with him, Master. It has been a rough few days …"

"Ben …" Obi-Wan was now very curious about what had happened. "I have always trusted he would take care of you if anything happened to me. If he …"

"Master, we made our peace. It is in the past."

Obi-Wan squeezed the hand in his one more time. "As you wish, Padawan."

Both were aware of the two visitors that now lingered outside closed doors, doing their best to respect the master and padawan's privacy. Ben invited them in and both Anakin and Xanatos pulled up chairs.

"You gave us quite a scare," Xanatos said. "We're glad Ben was able to bring you back."

"It is good to be home," he said.

Looking back and forth between Ben and Xanatos, Obi-Wan noted the peace that easily flowed between the two, and decided he would respect his padawan's wishes and not pursue the matter. If Xanatos wanted to tell him, he would.

"Master?" Ben asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yes, Padawan."

"What did they want with you?"

"It was simple, really," Obi-Wan explained. "The Southern faction had gained control of the planet's communications. They wanted me to speak as the Republic representative, stating that we supported their claims of authority and basically make a call to arms. It was a falsehood I could not support."

"So senseless," Anakin murmured.

"I don't actually remember much."

"That's probably for the best, Master." Ben shook his head wearily. "I really began to worry when you started hallucinating."

"Hallucinating?" Xanatos questioned.

"He was talking to Master Qui-Gon."

"I do remember that," Obi-Wan said distantly. "It was a dream, but it seemed so real. I could sense his presence as though he were standing right next to me in the flesh."

"Perhaps it was just what you needed. I didn't know if you were going to hold on much longer."

Both Obi-Wan and Ben continued to talk, not noticing that the two other occupants of the room had grown quiet at the mention of Qui-Gon.