Shattered
By: Hope
Chapter 27
Author's Note: So... I'm thinking only one more chapter left. I don't have it written yet but I have a an outline laid out. I'm leaning toward one chapter but it could be divided into two. I'm hoping to have the next chapter ( maybe final chapter) posted by Sunday. I loved reading your reviews from the last chapter I posted. It makes me happy. It's so weird this story is coming to a close. I'm going to miss writing it.
Enjoy
This was becoming their ritual before they had a huge test. They didn't communicate or plan it. It was just assumed. They both showed up. Harvey brought snacks and Donna brought her infamous note cards.
Things were good with Harvey and Donna. They were friends. Both had more than friendly feelings but neither wanted to admit to anything. It was their last and hardest year of law school. The last thing they needed was a relationship.
Time was passing by pretty quickly. It was already October. Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks were on the horizon.
Harvey aggressively closed one of the open textbooks on his lap, " I need a break. This shit is giving me a headache"
He slid the book across the floor closing to where Donna was sitting, with her legs crossed.
Harvey pulled out a zip loc bag of mini Vodka bottles and tossed one to Donna.
Donna re-organized her flash cards and put them into a neat pile, "Harvey" she whispered, " You can't have alcohol in the library!"
Harvey rolled his eyes, " Live a little, Donna. You must have been so boring in high school. Besides, we're the only losers here on a Saturday night at 2 am"
Donna's eye brows furrowed in anger, " I take offense to that. I was fun in high school"
"Yeah, you were fun. Past tense" Harvey laughed, opening one of the mini bottles and pouring it into his mouth.
Donna pulled her red hair into a messy ponytail with the hair tie that was around her wrist.
She opened the mini Vodka bottle and took the shot, emptying the bottle. She quickly drank some of her canned Coke from the vending machine.
"Let's play 20 Questions" Harvey suggested, with a smirk on his face after he watched Donna down her mini bottle and make a face., "Don't look at me like that. Just amuse me for 20 minutes and we will get to studying"
"Fineeee" Donna groaned, as she grabbed a hand full of M&M's and pushing them into her mouth, " but for the record, this is a bad idea"
" The record has been notated" Harvey replied, in a sarcastic tone, "First question. Why the hell are you friends with Louis Litt? He's the worst"
Donna laughed before she defended her friend, "He's not the worst. You just don't know him. You guys have this weird "Whose law school dick is bigger" contest going on..."
"Mine, obviously" Harvey interrupted, with his infamous smirk plastered on his face
Donna rolled her eyes, " I think you guys would like each other if you ever gave it a chance. He's loyal, funny, protective... You two are actually pretty similar"
"No" Harvey said, sternly, " I regret asking this question"
"This was your damn idea" Donna laughed, " My turn. Is Scottie actually a nice person?"
Harvey laughed, " You really hate her, don't you?"
"She hates me so by default, I can't like her. It's weird fucked up girl code" Donna explained.
"I think you guys would like each other if you ever gave it a chance" Harvey responded, in a sing song voice imitating what Donna said earlier about him and Louis, " She just gets very defensive"
"No shit. We all do. We're about to be lawyers" Donna retorted, sarcastically with an eye roll.
Harvey took a gulp from one of the vodka bottles, " Fine? You want me to be honest?"
"Isn't that the point of this whole damn game you forced us to play?" Donna asked, with another Paulsen eye roll
Harvey groaned, " She's not a bad person. There's actually a lot of qualities I like about her but.. She was in love with me. She had this dream of us graduating from Harvard, becoming successful lawyers and having this whole life together"
"Okay, so what's the problem with that?" Donna asked, confused.
"I don't want that... with her" Harvey admitted, "I don't feel that way about her. She's ... too intense for me. Her parents are lawyers and put a lot of pressure on her. They have these high expectations for her. Why do you think she needs to be #1 so badly?"
"That doesn't make it okay for her to be a bitch for no reason to me" Donna replied, " My dad sold my mom's engagement ring to a pawn shop so he could gamble at the casino You don't see me being a shitty person because of my terrible dad"
"That's awful, Donna" Harvey said, surprised at her admission. She didn't talk much about her family and Harvey didn't want to put pressure by asking her questions.
Donna shrugged and tried to joke, "It is what it is, Harvey. Why do you think I'm single?"
Donna would never forget the look on her mother's face when she noticed the ring was missing and her dad, after hours of denying it, finally admitted to stealing it. The ring was sentimental.
"Donna, you know not all men suck like that, right?" Harvey asked, he needed her to know there were good men out there.
Good men like ... himself.
Donna shrugged again, " I guess... I think I'm just going to marry my job, Harvey. I can't get my heart broken that way. I want to avoid the misery my mom felt for 20 years"
Harvey and Gordon Specter were walking down the street in a small neighborhood in New York. Harvey went home to visit his dad over one of the weekends at Harvard.
"Dad, wait, I want to go in here" Harvey said, abruptly stopping when he passed the store.
"A jewelry store?" Gordon asked his son confused as to why he would want to go in there.
"I just want to look for something" Harvey told his dad, as he walked into the antique jewelry store in search of Donna's mother's engagement ring she had told him about last week. It had to still be in New York, right?
Donna was sitting on the balcony of Harvey's apartment. She loved his view of the city. Boston always had a special place in Donna's heart but nothing could compare to New York. This was her home.
It was a silent car ride back to Harvey's. Neither Donna or Harvey spoke. Donna spent the drive staring out the window and staring at the people and buildings in the city.
Donna wanted a drink. She felt like maybe that would make her heart stop beating so fast and calm her nerves. She also knew alcohol never helped them. It always made things more complicated than they already were. She needed to be sober for this conversation even though she didn't want to be.
Donna heard Harvey's footsteps, walking onto the balcony. He had untied his tie and took it off. His gray suit jacket had also been removed. Donna assumed Harvey had neatly hung everything back up in his closet. He was a neat freak. He was borderline OCD.
Harvey breathed deeply, before showing Donna the black, velvet jewelry box in his hand he had retrieved from his dresser drawer.
"Open it" Harvey instructed, waiting for Donna to take the box from his hand.
"Harvey" Donna said, quietly, starting to question why she even came here tonight, " I don't... want to"
She hated that she found that box in his dresser drawer. It wasn't meant for her to see. She hated that she had been thinking about finding the box for the last 2 days.
Harvey pulled the other chair over to be closer to Donna as he sat down. He placed the black box on the small patio table in between them.
"It is an engagement ring, Donna" Harvey admitted, feeling the weight of his world being lifted off his shoulders. He needed to tell her everything. He couldn't... they couldn't keep living this way. He finally realized what Louis, Jessica, Mike.. Well what everyone had been saying to him for years.
" When you saw this, it freaked you out" Harvey stated, remembering how weird she acted after she saw the box in his drawer, " Is that why you stood me up?"
"I don't know" Donna said, holding back, " Maybe"
"Be honest with me, Donna" Harvey begged, " We can't keep doing this. We have been doing this shit for almost 10 years. I can't anymore. Let's just put everything on the table"
"Yes" Donna admitted, pushing her hair from out of her face as the wind was gusting.
Harvey took another deep breath. He felt his heart beating almost out of his chest.
"I didn't realize the thought of marrying me was such a scary fucking option that you had to run away from" Harvey said, with anger and hurt. He was probably reacting the wrong way to hearing this. He asked for honesty but it still hurt hearing it.
"No" Donna replied, vehemently, " That's not it"
He wasn't understanding what she was saying. The problem was she wasn't saying much or explaining much of anything. The thought of marrying Harvey wasn't a scary fucking option to me. It was what she had wanted since she met him at Harvard. There was more to it he didn't understand. She had to make him understand.
"What is it then?" Harvey asked back, getting pissed. He never knew how she felt. They kept doing this dance and he was... done.
Donna and Sandra Paulsen sat on the porch of the Paulsen family home. It was breezy out so both mother and daughter had blankets on their laps. Donna had a glass of red wine in her hand while Sandra was a drinking a cup of tea. She was never much of a drinker. Her daughters drank enough for her.
The moon was full and shining bright tonight. Donna loved this house. She loved sitting on the porch. This was one of the things she disliked about New York City. There were no homes with porches.
"I'm guessing you had a shit day" Sandra said,as she was rocking in her chair, " There's no other reason your grown daughter shows up at her childhood home unannounced"
Moms knew everything.
"Mom, I had the shittiest last few months" Donna responded, taking a long gulp of her wine, " but yeah, I would say today takes the cake. Marshall showed up at the firm and punched Harvey in the face"
Sandra gasped. She took the wine glass from her daughter's hand and took a sip. Donna raised an eyebrow. Her mother never drank.
"Marshall and I actually had a productive, adult conversation. It wasn't easy but, it ended well" Donna confided in her mother.
"Oh, well, that's great, Donna. You spent two years of your life with Marshall. It's good to have closure" Sandra tried to smile.
"Yeah, I guess it is" Donna said, nodding her head in agreement and re-adjusting the blanket over her bare legs.
"What's wrong?" Sandra asked, knowing her daughter. She knew there was more to it. She also knew Harvey had to be involved somehow.
"Remember two months ago when Harvey and I went to Harvey for work?" Donna asked her mom, who nodded her head yes, "Well, Harvey and I..."
Sandra smirked, knowing exactly where this was going and not at all shocked.
Donna laughed at her mom's reaction. Sandra Paulsen was always a Harvey fan.
" Things have been going really well with us" Donna informed Sandra, not knowing how else to phrase it.
"So, what the hell is the problem then?" Sandra asked, confused. She never understood why Harvey and Donna couldn't get their shit together. It was frustrating for everyone. She always knew they would end up together even when Donna was engaged to another man. She just didn't know when or how it would happen.
"Last week, I found a ring in one of Harvey's dresser drawers. Well, I'm guessing it was a ring. I didn't open the box so I don't know for sure. Then, Marshall showed up out of blue. It all kind of freaked me out. Harvey wanted me to meet him at our favorite bar after I talked to Marshall..."
Donna let the sentence linger.
Sandra tried to not look alarmed when Donna mentioned the ring. She tried to keep a straight face and look surprised at everything Donna was saying. The truth was, Sandra had already known about the ring. Harvey had told her years ago. She had to keep it a secret from her daughter which killed her but she had to.
"You came here instead?" Sandra questioned, remembering Donna showing up here with luggage two hours ago, "You left him waiting for you?"
She knew Harvey. He tried to act like he was tough, like he didn't have feelings. He tried but that wasn't who he really was. His mom's affair and his dad's death left Harvey with a wall built around him to prevent being hurt. He rarely let people in.
Donna sighed, she thought about calling or texting Harvey a hundred times while she drove to her mom's. She thought about turning around and going to the bar. Instead, she kept driving.
"Why did finding the ring scare you?" Sandra asked, " Because you were almost married a few months ago?"
Donna shook her head no, "I've thought about this the last few days and no. That's not why. I think I'm just... scared to do this again. The last two times didn't end well for either of us. We both get hurt and I don't know if I can do that again"
"How do you know it's going to end?" Sandra wondered, "What if the third time is the charm?"
Donna finished her glass of wine before speaking, " Tell me about Harvey showing up here the night before the wedding"
"He was distraught, Donna" Sandra confessed, honestly, " He was heartbroken. He didn't want you to get married to someone that wasn't him but he also wanted you to be happy. If marrying Marshall made you happy, he wanted to support that even though it would have killed him. Listen, Donna. I'm going to brutally honest with you and you're going to have to deal with it. I stayed with your father longer than I should have. I truly regret that. I've never been happier than when I left his ass. He's a shitty person but I'm thankful I got three amazing daughters out of it. I wish I wouldn't have stayed by his side when you girls knew I wasn't happy. I feel responsible for the fact that you guys struggle with dating and finding good men. I wasn't the best example. Without a doubt in my mind, Harvey Specter is a good man who truly loves you. The way he loves you is the way every woman dreams of being loved. You can't keep running away because you're scared. You're going to regret it down the road. I know how much it hurt both times when you two broke up. I know you're scared you're going to get hurt again but, I would take the risk for a love like that. Anyone would."
Donna shook her head no. She wanted to regain her composure. She felt her eyes welling up. She wasn't ready for this conversation but she also knew she didn't have a choice. The conversation was happening whether she was prepared for it or not. She could spend hours and days preparing for a trial
" When you saw this ring, you should have said something to me. When you found out I came to your mom's the night of your wedding, you should have said something to me" Harvey was ranting, feeling the need to get everything off his mind, " When you found out I lied about Scottie so you would go to London, you should have said something"
"What the hell did you want me to say?" Donna expressed; tears were falling from her eyes. She didn't like that he was blaming everything on her. She didn't like it but maybe he was right. Maybe she was the reason they were so complicated.
She never had the best example of a healthy and loving relationship with her parents.
"Anything" Harvey exclaimed, " Everything. Donna, why the hell do you think I've been single for so long? I've never had a serious relationship with any other women besides you. Why do you think that is?"
Donna sighed and shrugged, "I don't know... I don't know, Harvey"
"You know, Donna" Harvey spoke, he felt his own eyes filling with water, "You fucking know, Donna"
Donna started wiping her tears away as they fell from her eyes, even though it didn't help. They kept falling.
"You're it for me" Harvey said, with a sad smile, " I don't want anyone else. It's always going to be you"
It took Donna a few minutes before she finally asked, " Why did you come to my mom's the night before the wedding?"
Harvey sat his back against the chair, " When I received your wedding invitation in the mail, it was a gut punch. We hadn't spoken in 2 years and I knew you had moved on. I knew about Marshall but the invite... it still hurt. I was never over you, Donna. Honestly, I'll never be over you. That's probably pathetic but it's the truth. I didn't have a plan when I parked at your mom's house. I just ... needed you to know it wasn't over for me. Maybe I needed to know if it wasn't over for you either"
"It wasn't" Donna said quietly, tears were slowly falling from her eyes "It wasn't over for me either. Why else would I show up at your door in my wedding dress?"
"Open the box, Donna" Harvey gently asked her, nodding toward the box sitting in between them.
Donna contemplated whether or not she even wanted to open the box. She didn't know why it mattered what the ring looked like. It was the confirmation that it was an engagement ring that was
Slowly, Donna picked up the black box and held it in her hand. After several minutes, she opened the box to see a diamond ring.
"It's your mom's ring, Donna" Harvey told her, they're eyes meeting.
"What?" Donna asked, confused, as she took a closer glance at the ring, " I don't understand."
"Ever since you told me the story of your mom's ring , I've searched for it. I kept looking in every pawn shop and jewelry store even when you left for Baltimore and London. I knew how important it is to you and your family. I finally hunted it down in a small jewelry store in Tribeca about a month before you left for London. After we ... After I fucked up and you left, I gave it to your mom but, she wanted me to keep it. She said it would have more meaning to you than to her . It's just been sitting in my dresser drawer for years. I thought about anonymously mailing it to you. I even tried to give it to Abby but... she wanted me to keep it. When we got back from Boston a few months ago with your mom's blessing, I had a jeweler remove the diamond from the ring. This is a different than your mom's ring but it's the same diamond. I just added to it to make it your own"
Donna took a deep breath in, as tears fell from her eyes, "Harvey, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me"
Harvey shrugged, "It's not a big deal, Donna. It doesn't matter anymore. Keep the ring. It's yours."
He closed the box and sat it back on the table between them.
"It fucking matters, Harvey" Donna responded, angrily, " This isn't... how I wanted this to go"
"What?" Harvey asked, staring out at the New York sky. This isn't how he wanted this to go either. He felt like they had wasted years of time when they should have been together.
"I know this isn't how you imagined giving me this ring" Donna spoke, nothing ever went according to plan for them.
"Nothing really goes right with us, Donna" Harvey replied back.
Donna took another deep breath, " Harvey, what would you have said to me if you saw me the night of the wedding when you came to my mom's house? Were you going to tell me not to get married?"
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