Chapter Thirty-One

Now

"Are we sure about this?" Bobby asked me once Sam disappeared into the basement.

"Hmm?" I turned my gaze away from the clock that said we had a little under thirty hours left till D-day and looked at Bobby. He was rocking a grunge look with his usual ball cap and an old sweater over faded jeans and boots, and looking at me with a surprisingly patient glint in his eyes. "Oh, yeah, I saw it on a TV show once."

Bobby grunted, but he lifted up the old wooden box that concealed the scry. He had grumbled out the story about how he had managed to purchase or get from a friend, but I hadn't listened. Honestly, I didn't care where he had gotten it. It was the closest we had come to finding Lilith, and that's all I cared about. Bobby slung the scry over his shoulder, and motioned for me to follow. I scooped up the pile of maps from across the states and tagged along as we made our way into the living room. I could hear Dean and Sam's voice drifting toward us as we approached. Bobby and I stepped into the room and their voices died, leaving the room with a sense of awkwardness.

It was all I could do not to look at Dean as he and Sam cleared off a table in the middle of the room. I dropped the maps on a nearby table and dug out the one of the United States, laying it out on the table.

Bobby flicked up the latches on the case, lifting the lid to reveal the scry. It was old, with three legs like a camera stand, about a foot tall. The top was a large class orb sitting atop a brass ring carved with ancient symbols. A long brass rod ran from inside the orb to a small crystal at the base, which was how the scrying would be done.

"Are you sure this will work?" Sam asked, looking from me to Bobby for the thousandth time.

"Well, it's a bit bigger than it was in the TV show," I muttered to myself.

"See, any name," Bobby explained as he set the scry over the map, "That's the whole kit and caboodle. With the right name, the right ritual, ain't nothing you can't suss out."

"Like the town Lilith's in," Sam asked.

"Kid, when I get done, we'll know the street," Bobby promised.

Bobby reached up and turned the crystal at the top, causing the long rod with the crystal at the bottom to spin around the edge of the map. He recited a spell in Latin, his gruff voice washing over us as the spell. When Bobby was done, the crystal stopped spinning. It was pointing at an odd angle slightly to the right of the middle of the map, hovering over Indiana.

"New Harmony, Indiana," Bobby read aloud, "And we have a winner."

"Harmony?" I scoffed, "Really?"

"Whatever," Sam said, "Let's go."

"Whoa, hold on," Dean said, stopping both Sam and I in our tracks as we made to leave, "Holster it up there, Tex."

"What's the problem?" Sam asked. I tried to ignore the ping in my chest at Dean focusing his attention to both Sam and Bobby, continuing his childish game of ignoring me.

"What's the problem?" Dean scoffed, "Where do I begin? First of all, we don't even know if Lilith actually holds my deal. We're going off of Bela's Intel. When that bitch breathes, the air comes out crooked, okay? Second, even if we get to Lilith, we have no way to gank her. And third, isn't this the same Lilith that wants your giant head on a pike? Should I continue?"

"Well, aren't you just a ball of sunshine," I crossed my arms over my chest, glaring at Dean, "Isn't this what we have been working toward?"

"So, then, what are we supposed to do, Dean?" Sam demanded.

"Well, just 'cause I gotta die, doesn't mean you all have to," Dean said, finally looking at me, "We go in smart or we don't go in."

"Okay, if that's the case, I have the answer," Sam said, staring down Dean with a determined set to his jaw.

"You do?" Dean demanded, turning to his brother.

"Yeah, a sure-fire way to confirm it's Lilith," Sam said, the room falling silent as we all turned to him expectantly.

"Do you have her phone number?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"And a way to get us a bona fide, demon-killing Ginsu," Sam continued giving me an exasperated look.

"Damn it, Sam, no," Dean said.

I got the feeling that they must have been talking about this before Bobby and I had interrupted. Sam was right, Ruby most likely would be able to find out if Lilith was in New Harmony. Not to mention the fact that she had that killing demon knife, providing us with another advantage. Rather or not she would help us is another thing, going after a demon like Lilith was a suicide mission.

"He's got a point, Dean," I said, "We could really use her."

Dean opened his mouth, but Sam cut him off, "We are so past arguing, Dean, we are summoning Ruby."

"The hell you are," Dean yelled turning away from Sam, "We've got enough problems as it is!"

"Exactly," Sam said, walking over to his brother, "And we got no time and no choice either."

"Come on, man, she is the Miss Universe of lying skanks, okay?" Dean fumed, "She told you that she could save me, huh? Lie. She seems to know everything about Lilith, but forgot to mention Lilith owns my soul."

"If she's a demon, couldn't she have told us where Lilith is?" I asked. Honestly, why hadn't we thought of summoning Ruby before?

"Okay, fine, she's a liar," Sam admitted, "She's still got that knife."

"Dean," Bobby trying to cut though the boys arguing.

"For all we know she works for Lilith," Dean shouted.

"Then give me another option," Sam argued back, "Tell me!"

"Sam's right," Bobby said.

"No, damn it," Dean snapped. The room fell silent, all eyes on Dean. The anger seemed to leave Dean's face as he look at each of us, "Just no. We are not gonna make the same mistakes all over again. You guys wanna save me? Find something else."

Dean walked back over to his table that was stacked high with books and sat down. He flipped one of the books open and held it up, hiding his face behind it. I looked to Sam, seeing the wheels turning around inside his head. He had that look, the one that said he was thinking about going against Dean's wishes. I was half tempted to encourage him. We didn't have to trust Ruby, just needed that knife. Bobby turned around and snatched up his vest, slipping it on.

"Where're you going, Bobby?" Sam asked, temporarily pulled away from his thoughts.

"I guess to find something else," Bobby grumbled as he threw up his hands and walked off.

Sam glanced at me really quick before hurrying after Bobby. I made my way over to Dean and sat in a chair next to his desk, "He's not gonna listen to you."

Dean nodded, "You're right."

Dean stood up, without looking back he walked from the room. I debated for a moment rather or not I should follow, he was doing a damn good job of staying away from me. The rational part of my brain knew I should be doing the same thing. None of us wanted to admit it, but it was seeming more and more likely. Even this last hail Mary was as good as a suicide mission. I couldn't ignore the pull I had toward Dean, though. I couldn't explain it, couldn't deny it, and I wasn't sure I wanted to. I wanted to be with him, even if it meant that in the end, I would be the one how got hurt. In the end it's my choice, my life. It's my pain and I would rather live everyday like tomorrow was my last.

I launched to my feet and trailed after Dean. I caught up to him just as he ducked into the basement door. I followed after, descending the stairs one creak at a time. I paused at the base, looking around for him. I didn't see him, but the sound of a can of spray paint had me turning around. He was standing on an older chair behind the steps, red paint can in hand. I walked around the stairs and looked up, taking in the Devil's trap.

"I hate goodbyes," I told Dean, leaning against a nearby pillar. He didn't so much as glance in my direction. I went on, trying for a nonchalant voice, "What if we don't get to say goodbye? What if we die?"

"You're not going to die, True," Dean mumbled. He turned his head away from me, but not before I saw the helplessness in his eyes, "I'm the one with hellhounds at the door."

"In case something goes wrong," I chewed on my bottom lip, "This could be the last time for us to relieve this sextual tension between us."

The earned an eye roll from Dean, his emerald eyes landing on me, "Really?"

"You don't want me dying a virgin, do you?" I asked sweetly, batting my eyes at him.

Dean scoffed and flashed me a small smirk, "You're no virgin, True."

"As far as you know," I bit my lip and smiled, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

Dean shook his head, looking at me like there was so much more he wanted to say. We were quite for a moment as he finished the trap, step down and scooting the chair out of the path. Tossing the spray can out of the way, he turned at faced me.

"You're a glutton for punishment, aren't you?" Dean asked.

"Maybe it's worth it," I shrugged, pushing away from the pillar and walking toward Dean, "I don't want to admit it, but this could be our last chance."

"True," Dean started, shaking his head.

"I'm already hurting, Dean," I interrupted, "Nothing is going to change that."

Dean dropped his head, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jean. Taking a deep breath, I crossed the space between us, stopping in front of him so he had to look at me. Time seemed to freeze. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears. He reached out his hand, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. He seemed to learn forward in slow motion, I closed my eyes as he grazed his lips against mine grazing. They were soft and warm, and I felt the resolve melt from him.

Dean's arms flew around me, holding me so tight it hurt. I tilted my head back, allowing him to deepening the kiss. He walked us backward, my shoulders slammed into the pillar. His right hand tangled in my hair, his other roamed over my hips and slid the hem of my shirt up. I shoved his overshirt down his shoulders, desperately wanting to get it off. I lifted my leg, wrapping it around his waist and pulling him tighter against me.

Taking hold of the leg that was already up, Dean broke our kiss long enough to reach his hand around my thigh and hoist me off the ground. I wrapped the leg around him, locking my ankles together and holding on to his shoulders for support. We kissed harder, pulling at each other's clothes. Dean leaned back, sliding his hands down over my chest and across my stomach. His finger tips dipped under my jeans, before he expertly unhooked them. He lowered his head, running searing kisses along the exposed skin of my chest. The hairs on my body stood on end, a tangible electric feeling filled the air around us. I realized with a start that it wasn't coming from, it was magic. I tried to ignore it, to focus on what Dean was doing, but a voice drifted through the open door.

"Ad constringendum," Sam was saying, "Ad ligandum eos pariter et solvendum. Et ad congregantum eos coram me."

I could have screamed in frustration; Sam was doing a summoning spell. I grabbed Dean by the shirt and pulled him up, his eyes locked on me in a question. His eyes where full of desire that set my insides on fire, his full weight still against me. It took every part of self-control that I had not to kiss him again, to forget the real reason we had come down here. I held my finger to my lips and then pointed in the direction of Sam. He turned his head in at direction, listening.

"You know, phones work too," came Ruby's voice, "Hey, Sam. How's tricks?"

Dean dropped his head, it landed against my chest before he lowered me to the ground. Without his warmth a chill ran across my skin, and a longed to reach out and pull him back toward me. Straightening his clothes, Dean moved around the old furniture to listening to the conversation. Clenching my jaw, I buttoned my jeans as I joined Dean at the door.

"Did you know?" Sam asked.

"Um, gonna need a tiny bit more," Ruby said, the sarcasm heavy in her voice.

"About Dean's deal," Sam said, "That Lilith holds the contract."

"Yes, I did," Ruby admitted. I felt Dean tense beside me, a smug look flashed across his face. I pursed my lips at him. Yes, he was right. Get over it.

"And what?" Sam demanded, venom slipping into his tone. It wasn't often that I heard Sam angry, and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be on the other side of that attitude, "You didn't think that was important?"

"You weren't ready," Ruby said simply. I

"For what?" Sam demanded.

"If I told you, you two yahoos and your precious little Van Helsing probably would have charged after her halfcocked," Ruby said, and she wasn't lying. We most definitely would have charged off at the possibility of tearing up Dean's deal, "And Lilith would have peeled the meet from your pretty, pretty faces."

"Well, we're ready now," Sam said, his voice determined, "I want your knife."

"You're right about one thing," Ruby said, her footsteps echoing around the basement and I pictured her circling Sam like a predator looking at its prey, "You are ready… And now's the time too. Lilith's guard's down."

"Is that so?" Sam asked.

"She's on shore leave," Ruby said, "A little R and R."

"What the hell does that mean?" Sam asked, voicing the question we all had.

"Trust me, you don't want to know," Ruby answered. That was probably true, but I kind of wanted to know. It also kind of gave me a sickening feeling in the bit of my stomach. "You didn't lose those hex bags I gave you?"

"We got 'em," Sam responded.

"Good," Ruby went on, her steps still echoing, "Then she won't sense that you're coming."

"So, you'll give us the knife?" Sam asked. He sounded hopeful, but also like he knew she wasn't just going to hand it over.

To verify this, Ruby said, "No."

"But you just said-" Sam started.

"You want to charge in with one little pigsticker?" Ruby asked, "It's a waste of a true-blue window, like hitting Hitler with that exploding briefcase. Forget it."

"Okay, then how?" Sam demanded.

"I know how to save your brother, Sam," Ruby said, her voicing dropping so low I had to strain my ears to hear it.

"No, you don't!" Sam shouted, "You told Dean you couldn't. You've been lying to me all along! So, just give me your damn knife!"

"You're not the one that I've been lying to," Ruby said, almost sounding sincere.

"Oh, so you can save him?" Sam commanded, sounding over the conversation. I was with him; they were basically going in circles. I nudged Dean with my elbow and nodded my head toward the door. Dean shook his head, motioning with his hand to stay put.

"No," Ruby snapped, "But you can."

"What?" Sam asked, confused.

"Sam, you've got some God-given talent," Ruby paused, "Well, not God given, but you get the gist."

"All that psychic crap?" Sam scoffed, "That's gone ever since yellow eyes died."

"Not gone," Ruby said, shaking her head, "Dormant. And not just visions, either. Why do you think Lilith is so scared of you?"

Dean and I shared a look. Sam's psychic crap wasn't a topic I liked to talk about, and I got the feeling that neither did the Winchesters. None of us brought it up. I still wasn't comfortable with the whole demon aspect of it all. Good as Sam is, a demon is still a demon. If it really was just dormant, we had no idea what Sam was capable of.

"Right, she's scared of me," Sam said.

"If you wanted, you could wipe her off the map without moving a muscle," Ruby insisted.

"I don't believe you," Sam whispered, clearly disturbed by what might be lying in wait deep within him. Judging by the tension in Dean's shoulders, he was probably battling some inner turmoil of his own.

"It's the truth," Ruby insisted again.

"And you decided to tell me this just now?" Sam asked.

"Um… demon," Ruby said, gesturing to herself, "'Manipulative' is kind of in the job description. The fact is, it that you never would have considered it, not until you were-"

"Desperate enough?" Sam offered.

"You don't like being different," Ruby observed, "You hate the way Dean looks at you sometimes, like you're some sort of sideshow freak. God only knows what someone like True must think of you. But suck it up because we got a lot of ground to cover, and we got to do it fast. But we can do it. Look, call me a bitch, hate me all you want, but I have never lied to you, Sam. Not ever. And I'm telling you, you can save your brother. And I can show you how."

Dean stormed toward them so fast he almost knocked me over. He marched over to Ruby and his brother with a scary calm that had me hanging back a few feet. This was going to explode; you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Sam eyes shot at the sight of his brother, but Ruby had her back to us. She was dressed in her usual attire, and I wondered for a fleeting moment how she kept it so clean.

"So that's you, huh?" Dean said, stopping a short distance from Ruby. "Our slutty little Yoda."
"Dean," Ruby snarled, looking like the cat that swallowed the canary as she turned to face Dean, "Charming as ever."

I shuffled from foot to foot, not knowing where to stand or what to say. Sam shot me a pleading look, but there was going to be no stopping Dean. And without a game plan, I could only trust Dean to know what he was doing.

"Oh, I knew you'd show up, 'cause I knew Sam wouldn't listen," Dean snapped, his body ridged and ready for anything, "But you're not gonna teach him anything. You understand me? Over my dead body."

"Oh," Ruby said, unimpressed by Dean's anger, "Well, you're right about that."

"What you are gonna do is give me that knife," Dean continued, "Then you can go crawl back into whatever slop you came from and never bother me or my brother again. Are we clear?"

"Your brother is carrying a bomb inside of him, and we'd be stupid not to use it," Ruby snarked back.

I clenched and unclenched my jaw. Part of me was dying to know what exactly Sam was capable of, the other half of me hoped I'd never have to find out. The exponential possibilities of a human with demonic ability would be a sight to see. Perhaps Sam could use it for good, perhaps it will finally tip the never-ending battle to the side of good. Or perhaps it could really turn Sam into the anti-Christ.

"Dean, look, just hold on," Sam interjected, moving forward with his hands up.

"Sam, don't!" Dean interrupted, "Come on, man. What are you, blind? Can't you see that this is a trick?"

"That's not true," Ruby claimed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"She wants you to give in to this whole demonic, psychic whatever, okay?" Dean said, ignoring Ruby, "Hell, she probably wants you to become her little 'Antichrist superstar.'"

"I want Lilith dead," Ruby insisted, "That's all."

"Why?" Dean demanded, rounding on her.

"I've told you why." Ruby said, anger etched onto her pretty face.

"Oh, right, yeah," Dean said, a smile that was the opposite of sweet on his lips, "Because you were human once, and you liked kittens and long walks on the beach."

"And pina coladas," I said, before pressing my lips together. I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut. Other than a sharp look from Sam, neither Dean nor Ruby paid me any mind.

"You know, I am so sick of proving myself to you," Ruby snarled at Dean, "You want to save yourself, this is how, you dumb, spineless dick!"

Dean glanced from Sam to me before turning slightly, then his shoulder dropped. I saw what he was going to do before the smile faded from his face. He swung out, hitting Ruby square in the face. Her head whipped back, her blond hair fanning around her like a halo. Wiping the blood from her lip, she turned her dagger eyes on Dean. She kicked him in the stomach, knocking him off balance before landing a right hook on his check. I stumbled out of Dean's way before he could crash into me. I raised my eyebrow at him, I wasn't about to get in the middle of this pissing match.

"Whoa, Ruby, hey!" Sam yelled, grabbing on to her.

She turned and landed a kick into his gut, forcing him to hunch over. She brought up her knee into his face, forcing him to fly backwards into a nearby pillar, a trail of blood running down his chin. Dean recovered and advanced on her, punching her in the face. He tried to hit her again, but she dodged. Taking hold of his shoulder, she allowed Dean's own momentum to bring him forward and brought her knee into his gut and the into his face, knocking him on his ass.

Dean struggled to his feet but Ruby landed a kick in his stomach, and Dean rolled away from her. Again, Dean struggled to his feet, Ruby approached him and took hold of his jacket, pulling him into a standing position before headbutting him in the face. Dean fell to the ground, stumbling back as Ruby glared down at him with a murderous look on her face. Smiling, Dean pushed himself to his feet.

"What the hell are you grinning at?" Ruby demanded.

"Missing something?" Dean said, pulling the demon killing knife out for Ruby to see. I was impressed, even I hadn't seen him snag it.

Annoyance flashed across Ruby's face, "I'll kill you, you son of a bitch."

She ran forward before hitting the invisible wall of the devils' trap, forcing her to stumble backward. Horrified she looked up. Trapped with in the trap she had nothing else to do but lower her dagger eyes back to Dean.

Looking smug Dean said, "Like I said, I know you'd come."

Dean turned to leave, Sam and I fell in line behind him and made our way to the stairs. Dean said, "Let's go, guys."

"Wait!" Ruby called after him, "You're just gonna leave me here?"

"Best get comfy," I told her, when it was clear neither Dean or Sam where going to say something.

"Oh, so, you're just too stupid to live, is that it?" Ruby demanded, her voice rising, "Then fine. You deserve hell. I wish I could be there, Dean. I wish I could smell the flesh sizzle off your bones! I wish I could be there to hear you scream!"

"And I wish you'd shut your piehole, but we don't always get what we want," Dean said, not even looking back.

"So, what's the game plan?" I asked once we where all standing in the middle of the kitchen.

"Suit up," Dean said, shrugging, "We'll need all the weapons we can carry."

"Should I call Bobby?" I asked.

After a moment of silence, Dean shook his head, "No, this isn't his fight. Hell, True, this isn't even your fight."

"Don't even," I said, silencing him with a wave of my hand, "You guys didn't abandon me when I had to face my demon, and I'm not going to abandon you now. Try and leave me behind and I'll kill you."

With that, the boys and I gathered ever gun, knife, salt, ammo, and anything else we could think of laid out on a desk in the living room. Like soldiers we loaded up our gear. I slid holy water, my razor wire, and extra salt into the pockets of my cargo pants. Sam stood loading rock salt shells into a shotgun and Dean loaded a magazine into his favorite hand gun.

"What, you gonna let Ruby rot down there?" Sam asked Dean suddenly.

"That's the idea," Dean said, not even looking up. I looked from Dean to Sam, but turned to focus my attention on sharpening my sliver pocket knife.

"Dean, what if, uh…" Sam started, his tone cautious like he was talking to an animal that might go off at any moment, "What if Ruby's right? What if I can take out Lilith?"

Dean gave Sam an exasperated look. I chewed on the inside of my cheek. This was another battle of possibility. Perhaps Sam could kill Lilith, but what would giving into this demonic blood do to Sam? Would it change him mentally? Physically? It could infect him like a disease. Corrupt his mind, make him into something that he isn't. It also might not do anything to him, just give him the supernatural advantage that we need to kill Lilith and break the contract.

"Quit looking at me like that," Sam said. I blinked, not realizing that I was staring at him. He was looking back and forth between Dean and I.

"What, are you gonna give her the 'Carrie' stare, and Lilith goes poof?" Dean asked.

"I don't know what Ruby meant," Sam said softly, trying to keep Dean from going of the rails, "You know, maybe we should just go ask her."

"Sam, you wanted the knife," Dean said, turning to walk away, "I got you the knife."

"Dean, just listen to me for a second," Sam called after him, "Last time, Lilith snapped her fingers and put thirty demons on our asses, and all we got's one little knife? I mean, like you said, we go in smart or we don't go in at all."

"Well, this ain't smart," Dean said.

"We got one shot at this, Dean," Sam said, "Just one. So, it there's a surefire way, then maybe we should just talk about it."

"True, back me up here," Sam said, rounding on me. "You know Lilith, you know what she's capable of. Tell me that you think we should at least talk to Ruby. Hear what she has to say."

I opened my mouth to speak, not sure of what to say, when Dean cut me off, "Sam, we are not gonna make the same mistake all over again."

"You said that, but what does that even mean?" Sam asked.

"Don't you see a pattern here?" Dean said, "Dad's deal, my deal, now this? I mean, every time one of us is up the creek, the other is begging to sell their soul. That's all this is, man. Ruby's just jerking your chain down the road. You know what's it's pave with, and you know where it's going."

Dean turned his back on Sam, leaning against the table he started loading pullets into a magazine. I felt like I should say something but I had no idea what hat would be. Dean was right. He had sold his soul to save his brother, and apparently so had his father. How hard it must be, to live while someone you love is dead, knowing it should be you.

Sam sighed and walked around the table, he sat down beside his brother, "Dean. What are you afraid's gonna happen? This is me. I can handle it. And if it'll save you…"

"Why even risk it?" Dean asked.

"Because you're my brother," Sam answered, "And because you did the same thing for me."

"Oh, I know," Dean said, pushing off the table and turning around. I suddenly had the feeling that I was eavesdropping on a private conversation. Dean's eyes flashed to me before he looked at Sam, "And look how that turned out. All I'm saying… Sammy, all I'm saying is that you're my weak spot. You are. And I'm yours. We all have our weak spots."

"You don't mean that," Sam said, indicating to all three of us with a wave of his hand, "We're family."

"I know," Dean said, "And those evil sons of bitches now it, too. I mean, what we'll do for each other, you know, how far we'll go… They're using that against us."

"So, what we just stop looking out for each other?" Sam asked.

"No, we stop being martyrs, man," Dean said, "We stop spreading it for these demons. We take this knife, and we go after Lilith our way, the way dad taught us to. And if we go down, then we go down swinging. What do you think?"

"I think you totally should have been jamming 'Eye of the Tiger' right there," Sam said.

"Oh, bite me," Dean said, standing up as I laughed, "I totally rehearsed that speech, too."

Sam chuckled, "So, Indiana, huh?"

"Yeah, where Lilith is on shore leave," Dean agreed.

"Yeah, I guess," Sam said, his eyes distance as he thought things over.

"Tell me something," Dean started, "What the hell does a demon do for fun?"

I had a few ideas, none of them where pretty. We turned back to loading up, none of us speaking much after that. The plan was to bail before Bobby got back, head to Indiana before he could catch up to us, and hopefully gank Lilith and save Dean. Peace of cake really, shouldn't be to hard. I couldn't shake the feeling though that something horrible was about to happen. The feeling sat in my stomach like a cold stone.