Chapter 42

AN: Thank you for the support. I really hope you enjoy this chapter. Please let me know what you think.


"I've got to get to surgery," Teddy says, placing a supportive hand on Addison's shoulder as she walks past, and feeling bad that she can't support her friend more.

"Hey Sam," Derek says, looking between Addison and Sam, having no idea what to react, or what he should be feeling considering everything.

"Derek," Sam responds, staring at Addison, and Zola who she is holding.

"Do you want me to take Zola to daycare?" Derek asks Addison, as he figures it is the safest option.

"Yes… thank you," Addison says. "I love you, Zo-Zo," Addison says to his daughter before kissing her head and handing her over to Derek, giving him the baby bag too. As it's so natural, and without even thinking about it, Derek kisses Addison's cheek as he takes Zola.

"I'll see you later," Derek assures Addison, before walking away.

"I can stay," Amelia offers, as she isn't sure if Addison will be okay to talk to Sam alone.

"You've got surgery," Addison reminds Amelia, knowing that.

"I can have Lexie start and open for me," Amelia says, being pretty sure that considering the surgery Lexie could do a lot more than that.

"It's okay, I'll be okay," Addison assures her, giving her a look.

"Okay, find me later," Amelia says, before walking away, looking back at Addison as she goes because she has a bad feeling about this.

"What are you doing here Sam?" Addison asks.

"You have a daughter," Sam says shocked.

"Yes, I do," Addison confirms.

"Addison, is that my daughter?" Sam asks, as he can't help but ask, and Addison finds herself becoming annoyed.

"Zola's first birthday is next month, I left LA nine months ago," Addison reminds Sam. "So no Sam, Zola's not your daughter. Naomi helped me apply for custody in September, and the adoption was granted in October," Addison explains, being pretty confident that Sam will check with Naomi to make sure she is telling the truth. "Not that you need to know any of that, so I ask again, what are you doing here, Sam?" Addison asks, becoming more annoyed.

"Your house is for sale," Sam says, trying to digest everything Addison has said.

"It is, I decided It was time. I have a life here," Addison explains.

"A life that includes being back together with Derek?" Sam asks.

"Yes" Addison confirms. "And we're happy, we have our daughter, and we're having triplets," Addison reveals, wanting to make everything clear, and Sam is clearly shocked. "I'm truly happy Sam. This isn't like last time I was in Seattle, and I'm not wondering every single day if I'm good enough, or if what I want is valid like I was when we were together," Addison says. "So if you're here to convince me to go back to LA, if you're here to tell me that I'm making a mistake, or that LA is my home then you can turn around and walk away because I don't want to hear it," Addison admits, and to her confusion Sam smiles slightly.

"You're Addison again," Sam realizes, taking a step forward. as the Addison who is standing in front of him isn't the same Addison as she was during her last year in LA, she's the Addison who told the members of the practice that they were lucky to have her, and that she was staying no matter what they thought; she's the Addison he fell in love with.

"What?" Addison asks confused.

"I did come here to tell you to come back to LA, because I miss you, I miss what we had together, but more than that I miss having you as a friend," Sam admits. "Even before we got together, I loved having you next door. I miss our talks, and spending time together," Sam admits.

"I miss that too," Addison says, as even with all her complicated feelings she does miss the friendship she and Sam had before they got together. "But I'm not going back to LA. I'm not leaving Seattle," Addison reveals.

"I did have this whole plan about how I would convince you to come back to LA, I made a list of reasons, and arguments, but I'm not going to make them," Sam admits, as he is going to try another way to get Addison to come back to LA. "Addie, I'm sorry. I see it now, we weren't good together, we hurt each other," Sam says, pain in his voice as he knows it's the best place to start, and he does mean that.

"Yeah, we did," Addison admits.

"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, for you to be with someone who didn't hurt you, who was a good man and in the process I became exactly what I didn't want for you," Sam realizes. As he sees Addison standing in front of him, hears her talk, it's like a vail has been lifted and Sam sees everything clearly; he knows what he needs to do.

"Yeah, you did," Addison confirms. "And I let you," Addison admits.

"Addie, is that man I wanted for you when we were just friends Derek? Has he stopped hurting you? Is he treating you the way you deserve?" Sam asks and for the first time, in a very long time, Addison just sees her old friend Sam; not the man who hurt her deeply.

"It is, he is," Addison confirms, and she takes a step towards Sam, so that they are less than a foot apart. "When we were together there was a lot of bad, but there was also good," Addison admits. "Sam, you will always mean something to me. I got through what happened to Bizzy and Susan because of you. You helped me trust again, admittedly you also broke that apart again," Addison reveals. "But you also made me doubt myself, made me feel selfish, and like I wasn't a good person. I didn't feel like myself for a lot of the time we were together, and I never want to feel like that again," Addison admits, feeling that if they are going to have an honest conversation they she might as well get everything out into the open.

"Do you feel like yourself now?" Sam asks, and Addison nods.

"I'm a surgeon again, I am doing world class work. I have friends, family, an incredible daughter who I love more than I thought possible, and three more children on the way. I'm loved, Derek and I put an offer in on my dream house, I have everything I ever wanted," Addison admits. "LA was what I needed for where I was in my life, and I will always be thankful for everything LA gave me; and I'm thankful for us; because you helped me realize what it was what I wanted; what I wanted to fight for," Addison admits. "Even if things between us aren't always perfect I know that Derek is the love of my life; and I know we're both going to keep working hard to make sure we don't repeat the mistakes of our pasts," Addison reveals.

"I hope that's true," Sam admits. "I really do hope so," Sam confirms. "Addie, if I could do things differently I would, I would treat you in the way you deserve, I would be everything I hope Derek is for you now, give you everything you want," Sam admits as while he wants Addison what he wants more is for her to be happy, loved and with someone who deserves her.

"Sam…" Addison says, not liking where he is going with this.

"I'd like to believe that I haven't missed my chance, but I can see in your eyes I have," Sam admits. "I'm not going to ask you to come back to LA, but I will tell you that even if you sell your house, you'll always have a home there," Sam admits. "You have people who love you," Sam tells Addison. "All I want is for you to be happy, and loved, to be with someone who is good for you. If you're sure that's Derek, then I'll leave Seattle alone and maybe one day we can all be friends again; but I need to be sure, because I'm all in," Sam admits. "Eight months you said nothing has changed, but everything has. I have two tickets back to LA, come home Addie," Sam asks.

"I'm already home," Addison admits. "This is where I want to be. Derek is who I want to be with, our family is everything to me; I am completely in love with him, and only him," Addison explains. "I hope that one day we can be friends again, because I have missed our friendship," Addison admits. "Goodbye Sam," Addison says, sidestepping Sam and walking towards the hospital, walking away from someone who hurt her deeply and has the potential to continue to do so.


After leaving Sam Addison knows exactly what she has to do, and that's find Derek and tell him everything. After everything they have been through, everything they promised each other, Addison knows she owes it to both him, and herself, to be compeltley honest.

After checking a few things Addison finally figures out where Derek is, scrubbing in for surgery. Having found out what OR Derek is in Addison heads straight to the scrub room and walks in to find Derek alone scrubbing in.

"Hey," Addison says, as she approaches Derek, feeling nervous about what kind of mood Derek is going to be in considering everything. "Sam's gone," Addison reveals, as she figures that is the safest way to start.

"You sure? What makes you think he's not waiting around to talk to you again; like last time?" Derek asks, without looking up from what he is doing, and as he does, even though he can hide it pretty well, Addison can hear the anger, and the fear in his voice, which makes Addison realize he is afraid to lose her.

"I know he's gone because I told him I wasn't going back to LA. I told him that you are the love of my life that I am completely in love with you, and only you, and that our family is everything to me," Addison explains, and Derek finally looks up from what he is doing and at her.

"Really?" Derek asks, and Addison nods. "But last time he was here…."

"He was to me what Meredith was to you," Addison tells Derek, as that's the best way to put it. "I did love him, and I did see myself marrying him one day; but I never loved him as much as I love you. Derek, you, and our family, are who I want to fight for. Since we've been back together you don't make me doubt myself or make me feel selfish or like a horrible person. I know things between us won't always be perfect, but I trust you again, and even though I have loved others before you're the last person I want to be in love with. This is my home, you are my home, and that's exactly what I told Sam," Addison reveals.

"I really want to kiss you right now," Derek says, grinning behind his mask, and as he does Addison's pager goes off.

"Find me later," Addison tells him, after checking her pager. "It's a beautiful day to save lives, go have some fun," Addison says, and while she heads off to answer her page, Derek heads into surgery.


A few hours later, having completed a surgery, Addison who needs to take a break due to feeling so exhausted because of her pregnancy, is in the attendings lounge. As Addison attempts to relax the door opens and Teddy walks in.

"Hey," Teddy greats, walking over to her.

"Hey," Addison responds.

"Addison, I'm sorry about needing to leave this morning," Teddy admits. "You've done so much for me and I'm so sorry I couldn't be there to support you," Teddy says, as she walks over and sits next to Addison.

"You have no need to apologize," Addison assures Teddy. "Teddy, I know you support me, and you never have to re-pay me for what I've done for you because I've been happy to help you in whatever way I can," Addison admits. "I needed to talk to Sam alone, I even sent Amelia to go to surgery because it was a conversation that we needed to have alone," Addison explains.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Teddy asks curious.

"The For Sale sign went up at my LA house, Sam saw it and so he came out here to try and get me to come back to LA," Addison explains.

"What did you say?" Teddy asks, though she can guess the answer.

"That's Derek is the love of my life," Addison admits. "After Derek and I got a divorce I dated a few people, but Sam was the first one that I truly saw a future with," Addison admits. "I could see us getting married and having kids, but Sam didn't want that," Addison explains. "I thought our relationship was going to be great, but a lot of the time we were together Sam made me feel awful. He made me feel like I was selfish, that I was a horrible person, that I shouldn't want what I want," Addison admits. "Since we got back together Derek doesn't make me feel like that," Addison explains. "Since I came back to Seattle I'm remember the days where Derek was my best friend, and even though I remember the bad times, I remember that Derek called me Satan and tried to ban me from Seattle I also know that what our relationship is now is what it's should be," Addison admits.

"Derek tried to ban you from Seattle?" Teddy asks shocked, not even addressing the 'Satan' comment.

"More than once," Addison admits. "Things were really bad between us back then," Addison explains.

"What made you so sure that things wouldn't be bad between you and Derek again? How are you so sure that what your relationship is now is what it should be?" Teddy asks interested.

"I was terrified, for months, that things between Derek and I would be bad; especially considering how he reacted last time Sam came to Seattle," Addison admits. "I was also terrified about Derek going back to Meredith, but because I understand why things between Derek and I happened last time, I'm not afraid anymore," Addison admits. "And I know that things between Derek and I are meant to be like this because it's always been what feels right," Addison admits. "Even when we were apart I would think of Derek as the love of my life, and my husband, and so I know this, our family, is right," Addison says, putting her hands on her stomach, and honestly giving Teddy something to think about.

"I'm happy for you," Teddy says, smiling at her friend, and as she does the door opens and Derek walks in. "I'll see you later," Teddy says, walking out of the room.

After Teddy leaves the room Derek walks over and takes her seat on the couch next to Addison.

"How's everyone doing?" Derek asks, putting his hand over Addison's on her stomach, as he leans over and kisses Addison's cheek.

"Good," Addison admits. "Derek, I haven't talked to Sam since last time he was here, I didn't know he was coming; you, and our family, are everything to me. You're all I want," Addison explains, needing Derek to know that.

"You're all I want too," Derek says, before kissing the woman he loves, the mother of his children, the only person he sees a future with.


After leaving the Attendings lounge, so that Derek and Addison can have some privacy, Teddy starts to walk down the corridor, when she sees Amelia who is obviously heading towards the lounge.

"Hey," Teddy greats with a smile.

"Hey, is Addie in the lounge?" Amelia asks curious as she really wants to know what happened between Addison and Sam.

"Yep, and Derek's just joined her," Teddy explains.

"Oh," Amelia says looking interested. "Any word what happened with Sam?" Amelia asks curious.

"Oh yeah," Teddy confirms. "He wanted Addie to go back to LA. Addie said no and told him that Derek is the love of her life, and how Derek doesn't make her feel as awful as Sam made her feel," Teddy explains.

"Go Addie," Amelia says impressed, as she was waiting for Addie to stand up to Sam for a while. "You can tell me everything you know over lunch," Amelia explains.

"You buying?" Teddy asks curious.

"Yeah, I guess I can," Amelia says, and the two of them head towards the cafeteria, talking about Addison, Derek, and Sam as they go.


Hours later as Teddy and Derek had to stay late on a surgery they were performing together, Addison, Amelia, and Zola went home in Addison's car. Even though they all drove to work together in Addison's car, Teddy and Derek will be able to take Derek's car home as they have been making a habit of leaving a car at the hospital.

"So, Sam, how do you feel?" Amelia asks curious as Addison feeds Zola some dinner.

"I was shocked to see him," Addison admits. "He thought Zola was his daughter," Addison explains.

"Seriously? Shouldn't he have been able to tell her age?" Amelia asks shocked.

"I would think so," Addison admits.

"Did you really tell Sam that Derek is the love of your life?" Amelia asks curious.

"Yeah, I really did," Addison says, as Zola refuses food, which tells Addison that she is full. "Because he is," Addison confirms, as she picks up Zola and hugs her. "You and your Daddy, and our family, are everything to me," Addison says as she kisses Zola's head.

"I'm really glad for you Addie," Amelia tells her sister. "I know you love Sam, but you didn't deserve the way he treated you, and you didn't deserve the way my idiot brother treated you last time you were in Seattle," Amelia admits. "You deserve the life that you have now, that you and Derek are going to keep building together if you don't become idiots," Amelia says, and Addison laughs.

"Zo-Zo, I think your Aunt Amelia deserves a big hug," Addison admits and she makes it so she and Zola can both hug Amelia at the same time, and as she hugs her sister and niece Amelia smiles, as she loves them so much.