She was a long way from Drongar, that humid hothouse of a world, and even though her mission to find the thief who had been stealing the valuable bota crop grown there was long over, she had yet to recover from, and understand why so much bloodshed occurred over a fragile plant.
Even as she felt the frustration and pain swirl within her like it always did, whenever she thought of certain missions, a loud knock on her door brought her out of her thoughts. She opened it with little thought, and was surprised to see Cadus standing there.
Barriss sighed, feeling tension loosen within her. She had way too much time to think and reflect on what she did, why she did it, and the backlash of it. She felt the sting of shame keenly. Just as the sight of Master Cadus, made her feel a flicker of shame, that was enough to off balance her.
And she badly needed centering.
She felt badly in need of the calming, centering influence that her teacher always brought with her.
After a mutual silence, Barriss spoke, a little uncertain. "So, I suppose..."
Cadus tilted his head. "Young Barriss, you have not changed. You did this same thing when you were just nine years old. Have you forgotten that I understand better than anyone else?"
Barriss regarded the man, letting him in.
"You are young and eager Barriss, but you don't wish to fight. You were never violent or abrasive to start with. You have always been a healer, you were always gentle, you've always been a healder, and there are still people in need of that, are there not?"
Barriss blinked. "Yes, Master, but-"
There was a pause as Cadus regarded her.
"You do not believe you can handle the burden of being a healer. You have done more than your fair share of healing young one, but a healer's work and burden are never truly over. There is always someone, or people out in the galaxy that need healing."
"I seem to be making very little difference. I can be easily replaced as anyone. No one on the Council except for you, Master Ti, and Master Mundi wanted to pursue peace when everyone else was fanning the flames of war or political strife."
"You think that your innate healing talents would be better utilized in combat?"
"Yes, I do."
Cadus smiled.
Even in the dim light Barriss could see the creases of laughing wrinkles crinkle around his intense eyes, making it look as though he was squinting.
"You are young, it is not wrong to study other arts and techniques, of course. Your desire to be a shining force for hope has put you into the worst of things and scenarios. You were a battlefield medic, everyone knew you as the one who withstands the worse of the worst. You never let anyone, even your enemies lay behind and die. I sense you understand your own nature as a healer, and more importantly, as a person, but you are in pain. Your own spirit requires healing, too, more than the bodies or spirits of those you heal. If you don't heal, you will be distracted."
"I can't save everyone, though. So many of my men died, so many troopers, so many innocence not involved in the war and...I...I tried to make their passing peaceful, but I..."
Cadus sighed softly.
Barriss sat on her bed.
"You can't change my mind, I am sorry Master."
"I believe you just have to accept your nature, Barriss."
"I know. But, if I were to do that I'd have no place in the Jedi or the galaxy at large."
He nodded, tiredly rubbing his forehead. "You are right, young one. There are too many emergency meetings. All of them are terrible and serious, always about war. The Room of a Thousand Fountains in this Temple is a place of great beauty. Yet...We had to make it."
"Coruscant is durasteel and permacrete. I am not sure what you are expecting here. If you want nature you know you must go somewhere far, far away from the Core Worlds." Barriss answered frankly.
Cadus nodded. "Indeed you are right. I have always said we need to move the Temple as far away from Coruscant as we can."
Barriss was nearly stunned to silence. She was only really thinking out loud, but Cadus seemed to take it for a definitive answer, and he was completely serious.
"Only on a planet like Coruscant, which is only a ball of lifeless technology could the force be so murky...There are no forests left, no mountain ranges, no oceans, no streams left to run their course in a plexus. One of our greatest mistakes was relocating here, where the force has always been so clouded."
Barriss blinked. "Where would you move the Temple?"
Cadus shrugged. "Where would you move it?"
"Somewhere wet, humid, soggy, and wild. Somewhere cold, somewhere tropical, where there are sounds of all life day and night. Not so much skyscrapers. Not so much senators. Not so many machines." Barriss straightened herself and took in a deep breath.
"The chances of other Jedi sharing our view is slim. I want you to listen around to any talking and sharing the same ideals as you, even remotely. We will move with those who share our mindset when the time is right. and You shall be in charge of relocating...I am expecting you to find a new location for us and report to me when you do."
Barriss's eyes widened, her teeth clenching so hard her jaws were in knots. "You must be joking, Master Cadus! We can't possibly do such a thing like relocating now, especially since we are in the middle of a ceasefire to this war! Besides, Who could we find to help us relocate outside of Coruscant? Who has the resources?"
She stopped, looking at Cadus carefully, and narrowed her eyes in observation.
"You're alluding to something that is going to happen in the Jedi Order, without telling me what that is in specific."
Cadus stared at Barriss, offering nothing more.
She had half a mind to toss something in her room, but knowing his reflexes were sharp, and his speed even greater, she held herself back.
"Will you at least tell me something? I know you are serious about relocating and giving me the task, I would like a reason or reasons as to why though..."
Cadus stood up, moving to Barriss's door and opened it swiftly. "There is going to be a schism soon. Those who leave will survive and transcend the dogma of the Jedi Order and the Sith...Those who remain on Coruscant and listen to the dogma will be systematically and thoroughly wiped out."
She reached for calmness of spirit and found it difficult to even come close to it. Cadus's purpose in telling her this, having this conversation, and his real reasons for it all eluded her. She was a healer, and yes, she had saved lives, but she knew it was a never ending battle.
There seemed little on Coruscant that would help her become a better Jedi. Perhaps Cadus was giving her these tasks as a way to properly test her, to challenge all her skills, and not just those of a healer. But he also wanted her input, to leave the rust bucket of a world, where battles were fought in the Senate Rotunda, between factions trying to avoid overstepping the fickle boundaries of politics.
But, none of these questions did not matter now. All that mattered was that she completed her task given to her by Cadus.
Why?
What was the point?
None of it mattered.
She shook off the questions.
Clarity of mind never came from too much thinking, and it was quite the opposite. In fact, first Anakin and now Cadus, both of them peered so deep into her it was frightening. She needed to empty herself, to allow the force to provide the calm and serenity it always did-when she could reach it.
Some days, it was a lot harder than others.
There was a soft knock at her door. Aola jumped out of her bed and opened it. Lena and Talisibeth stood, not saying a word, just looking at her.
The young Chagrian girl wore an indigo robe that set off her blue colored skin. Lena was tall for being thirteen, and she watched her steadily with her huge indigo eyes.
Aola watched her take in what remained of her bruises and burns, all with an expression mixed between exasperation and concern.
Then she looked past her, to her bags packed on the floor.
She looked back at Talisibeth with her own bag, already packed.
"You weren't going to say goodbye Aola? You were just going to leave without saying anything?" Lena asked, blinking back huge tears.
"Master Cadus has taken me as his Padawan learner with Talisibeth." Aola said, hoping she'd understand it wouldn't be their last time seeing each other.
"But..."
Aola bit her bottom lip, feeling her friend's pain. "I wanted to say goodbye, but this isn't the last time you will see me."
Lena sniffled and shook her head. "I heard you and Talisibeth were taken on as Master Cadus's Padawans and he fought for you guys, but I didn't know if it was true."
"So everyone knows Talisibeth and I are his Padawans already?"
Talisibeth nodded dully just as Lena lunged forward to give Aola a clumsy, but tight hug.
"I told you everyone would know by breakfast." Talisibeth commented.
Aola hugged Lena. I have become a Padawan...I will be a Jedi Knight, but I don't have a lot of friends...Lena saying goodbye just hurts...
Aola knew Lena's tears being shed couldn't be stopped.
The older girl frowned and stepped back. "I'm really going to miss you, Aola."
Aola shook her head. "I'm not going away forever. I can come back to the Temple anytime I want as long as I have no training or duties to attend to."
"Really?" Lena asked.
"Even Master Cadus thinks of the Temple as his home, even if he lives outside of it most of the time. He always comes here to sleep, meditate, or be with his fellow brothers and sisters in the force." Talisibeth added softly.
It was forbidden to become attached, they were warned many times by the Masters, when they were going down a path that could lead to anger or confusion. They were always told to free themselves from attachment, but other than Arto, only Lena and Scout had been her friends from the beginning.
"Miss you, I will." Aola said, doing her best to impersonate Yoda's way of speaking.
Lena blinked back tears. "Padawans we become, but further distance I do not want. Friends you are, a piece of me you both are."
Talisibeth watched her two friends. She tried to smile, but could not find the strength to even break a smirk across her face.
She hugged both of them swiftly, struggling to hide her tears.
"Come on, you guys. You can't cry...I'm the brat here, you have to stop me from crying." Aola sniffled
"We can go and get some breakfast. We're not on kitchen or clean up duty today, thankfully." Talisibeth tried to prod through the tears and tension.
"If there's no ice cream, juice, or blue milk, I might cry again." Aola looked up at Talisibeth and Lena with big, watering eyes.
"Aola..." Talisibeth trailed off, unable to make a retort.
Lena wiped her tears away and laughed. "There's no ice cream made for breakfast, Aola. It's a dessert and not the most nutritionally dense of foods."
"What about donuts? Talisibeth likes sugar donuts and you like Muja fruit donuts."
Lena sniffled, barely able to concede with Aola, but thankfully Talisibeth was able to speak. She wasn't prone to get emotionally flustered like herself.
"They might have donuts. There's those egg and bacon sandwiches, too. There's that crispy sandwich that they put butter on and toast it, too. That one can be pretty filling." Talisibeth thought about breakfast, realizing Aola lived on sweets, sweets, more sweets, and junk food.
Nothing else ever went into her mouth.
Aola cheered up. "Come on Arto, you have to work your magic!"
The Astromech Droid beeped and shrilled, rolling towards her from his spot near the window.
"What are you two going to do?" Talisibeth asked.
Aola stuck out her tongue. "I want ice cream."
The change at the Temple had been duly noted by Talisibeth.
The Temple was usually a place of meditation, study, and rigorous training. Throughout the day and night, the routine would be interrupted by the sound of laughter from children behind a closed door, the excited voices of young children, or the faint sound of splashing fountains.
But, now that innocence was gone. The quiet time was ominous. It wasn't the quiet of busy Jedi and Younglings going about their day.
It was the wary hush of everyone worrying about winning or being noticed by a Jedi Knight or Jedi Master, as was the silence that stretched into an oblivion, a sign of the very real fear of not being good enough. Of not becoming a Jedi Padawan.
Talisibeth looked towards Lena. To the oblivious, and those with untrained eyes it would almost appear that Lena was keeping the same serene composure she always had. But, Talisibeth knew better. She could sense the anxiety that ticked underneath the control.
The Temple was full of Padawan hopefuls.
As always it was, but now they were all vying for a spot, and it went beyond just a simple competition. There was going to be animosity, rivalry, and anger, but even Jedi Knights and a few Jedi Masters were going about their duties.
There would be a lot more arrivals than departures, as all Jedi off world in places that are not besieged by war, or the effects of certain fleets, were given the approval to return.
Even though most of the Jedi knew them by sight, the trio tried to keep a low profile, and focused more on what was going on inside of themselves.
Aola's finger tapped the hilt of her light-saber.
Lena's finger tapped the hilt of her light-saber, but she made herself stop. Lena's posture and expression were slowly relaxing, and Talisibeth could feel Lena reach out to the force to find her calm.
Talisibeth tried to control her own anxiety. She was burning with questions that only Cadus could answer, but she did not dare break the silence.
They passed the groups of talkers, who were the dominant faction in the Temple. The meditating fanatics and the sparring fanatics were all pestering the Knights and Masters, or isolated themselves for some last minute hard training.
Striding through the long hallways, the trio paused for a second, watching a group of talkers look at them and begin to laugh.
"Hey, Scout! I heard you've become Master Cadus's Padawan, you should be proud but don't be! He just felt sorry for you!"
"Aola, maybe you'll stop being a slave to your emotions finally!"
"He feels sorry for you both!"
Lena gently grabbed Aola's hand when she turned to face the group. They were all fourteen, judging by their height and the fact Hanna Ding seemed to be their ring leader.
"Ignore them, you guys. The time for talking is done. We'll look at this tournament as life or death, we have no chance to screw up and this is our last chance. Our Masters all died in battle, and Aola's and mine put us into battles...Don't let them rile you so bad. Whoever they are."
Lena got them to the cafeteria before Aola snapped. They got their food and sat away from everyone else, and Lena insisted that they go so far. She wasn't going to allow her best friends to be expelled or just tossed aside without ever having a chance because other Padawans goaded them.
She knew it happened to people in the past, the truth always came out when the events happened, but it caused a lot of undue strain and stress on the person being subjected to it. Like a Padawan just smashed their training light-saber across another's one face just because.
All through breakfast, Gumbrak, a Mon Calamarian with bright salmon skin, moved around the cafeteria table by table, speaking to every individual at the tables. More than once someone snapped at him or put their hands over their breakfast.
"I don't mean to pester you, but may I have your toast and eggs? I don't mean to pester you, but may I have your waffle and cake?"
Gumbrak looked pointedly at some food or drink that wasn't his own. Though, Aola had a light dinner the night before, she didn't share anything on her tray.
Talisibeth handed Gumbrak some butter bread and Lena kindly handed over half of her sweet cake.
With his yellow eyes and salmon skin, the Mon Calamarian could look depressed or put on the act, if he did not get everything he wanted to eat.
"May I have your-"
"No Gumbrak! It's my waffles and syrup! It's my cake! It's mine!" Aola snapped, gnashing her teeth when his hands got too close to her tray.
"But, I'm hungry."
Aola scowled at the older Mon Calmarian, jabbing a finger at a different table. "Go and ask them for their food."
"I already did. They told me no."
"Well, you eat enough for twenty of us. Leave me alone."
"Come on, Aola. You can share a little bit. You've ate at least two dozen waffles that were soggy in that syrup." Talisibeth reasoned, grimacing for a moment at the memory.
It was remarkable Aola could even stomach those soggy waffles at this point.
"At least give him some of the butter rolls or butter bread." Lena seconded.
"But, I like putting syrup and honey in the middle of those rolls. I don't want to share my butter, either!"
"I like putting honey in the middle of those, too." Gumbrak cut in.
"Quiet or I will tell you off in Huttese!" Aola hissed, glaring at him.
She had always been restless. Yoda and her first Master had often given her extra focus and meditation exercises. Jocasta Nu had prevented her from researching alien languages for a two month period because she learned the expletives and nasty words first.
Then she told everyone off promptly.
"I'll share some of my breakfast with you too, Aola. I have a sausage breakfast sandwich you can put syrup on. I have a bacon one, too. It is just too savory for me, I want something sweeter." Gumbrak said, voice cutting through her thoughts.
"Fine, fine." Aola relented, making a few swaps with the older Padawan. "I can put syrup on the meat."
"Thanks Aola. The waffles are really good and crispy. You have the really sweet syrup as well, better than what some of us manage to get when this batch runs out." Gumbrak rambled.
"Remember what Yoda always says. Break a piece of bread in half or in four pieces, family you have gathered." Lena commented.
Talisibeth nodded as she recalled the lesson. It was good that she had given Gumbrak some of her food. She could just barely eat with her mind racing. She knew Lena was trying to make Aola make a quip about Yoda or do her own impersonation.
As she pitched her gaze around the room, she seen many that still had plenty of chances to become Jedi. That highest honor was what they all wanted, all they worked for since they could walk and talk. No matter what anyone said, they all knew a lost chance was more than crushing disappointment.
Around her, Talisibeth could hear the swirl of conversations at the other tables. Students looked over at her, Aola, Arto, and then Lena before they finally looked away. Most gazes were of jealousy, envy, and some were even of anger.
But, she could sense that the overwhelming feeling in the room was that everyone was upset that what had happened to her and Aola had not happened to them. They were upset they were not taken as Cadus's Padawans.
But, at the same time she could feel their relief. For Cadus wasn't known as the most strict, nor laid back, but his methods of training were intense. His training was inhumane according to some Masters. Everyone could agree on that, and it was one reason why he hadn't chosen a Padawan since the war began.
War is no place for children, he would always say.
At Deo's and Hanna's table, the voices were getting so loud they were starting to reach the ears of everyone in the whole cafeteria.
"Always knew she wouldn't make it. Scout would have been kicked out before the tournament even began if Master Cadus didn't feel so sorry for her." Hanna Ding said loudly.
"Yeah, same with the slave with an Astromech Droid for a best friend! Surprised Lena even speaks to her, but Scout is so desperate for acknowledgement she will speak to anyone." Deo said even louder, laughing.
Talisibeth could feel herself burn with embarrassment as she heard Hanna's high pitched snicker. "You're only mad Master Cadus didn't go out of his way to break the rules for you."
Hanna hissed. "Maybe if he seen me beat your tail he'd disown you and take me."
Talisibeth turned towards Hanna sharply, narrowing her eyes.
Aola on the other hand turned sharply towards the table, and locked eyes with Deo, both dared each other to pick another fight, both dared each other to do or say anything.
Talisibeth found herself locking eyes with Hanna, tempted to stand up out of her seat and challenge the arrogant Padawan.
"You want to go, flunkie?" Hanna taunted, meeting Talisibeth's gaze.
"All because you can force jump doesn't make you special. Kee chai chai cun kuta beeogola nechaska? Stoopa wakamancha koochoo." Aola jabbed.
Hanna sneered. "Who speaks Huttese here? Can anyone translate?"
"I do, but not too well." Loci replied, hand raised a few tables down as he spoke.
"I can speak it pretty good. She called you a stupid, cowardly little princess. I think." Boofer, a short Gran male answered, four tables away.
"Thanks, Boofer! Not all of us speak a filthy language used by criminals." Deo called loudly.
"Having a ten year old fight your battles now, Scout? How you have fallen." Hanna taunted.
"Aola likes fighting, Hanna. That's why I smashed my training light-saber right in her face after she spilled juice on me." Deo jabbed.
Aola frowned.
"At least I didn't go and tell any older Jedi we got into a fight. Barriss told Master Yoda and Master Cadus you went running to her, and I had to explain myself to Master Cadus for the beating I gave you. You're just a seven foot and a half tall big baby. Had to go to the Halls of Healing instead of using your own ointment...It shows just how weak you are and that you're a little rat."
Deo turned red. "Who you calling a rat?"
"You. You went and told Barriss and the other healers about our fight. You didn't just go to your room and apply the ointment we all have. Rat. You're the biggest rat here." Aola snapped back.
"Come and say that-"
"Don't mind them. Enough, you guys." Lena cut the taller Padawan off, looking at the four contenders in the cafeteria.
Of course Aola and Talisibeth turned away and finished the rest of their breakfast, they wouldn't cause Lena any undue strain, but Deo and Hanna didn't respect nor care about Lena. They didn't really respect anyone, besides themselves.
A good sized Meiloorun fruit smacked the center of their table. The tough outer skin was gone, leaving the soft fruit and juice to splatter. Talisibeth turned around and glared at Hanna, knowing she or Deo used the force to fling it halfway across the room.
"You and the slave can plant it." Hanna jeered. "I hear these can be tough to grow, better start now."
"I don't need to. Even if I lose the tournament Cadus is my Master. You have no one who is going to take you as their Padawan yet." Talisibeth jabbed.
"I will when I beat you in front of everyone!"
"You better put up or shut up, Hanna. You do a little too much talking for someone who is always looking for a fight."
"Shut up, slave."
Aola started to rise from her chair, but Lena put a hand over her own and held her down, doing her best to keep the younger girl calm.
Talisibeth smiled at Hanna, keeping herself in control. Hanna wanted to anger her, like a lot of people. Hanna hoped to anger her. Talisibeth knew that others always wanted to play this game, and now since she finally became a Padawan, they were trying to make her lose her temper so the Council had to step in.
Aola had a much harder time holding her anger, she didn't smile at Deo to mock him nor go over her thoughts internally. A white hot fury had been building inside of her since Hanna and Deo called her a slave. It took all of her control just not to shake.
Gumbrak pointed at the Meiloorun fruit. "Are you going to eat that fruit? I would like to put it in my cup and make juice out of it."
Talisibeth and Lena both burst out laughing.
"You fed a hungry child, Deo and Hanna Ding bat. I guess your childish tantrums proved to do something worthwhile." Aola said, barely able to keep herself from laughing.
Gumbrak picked the fruit off the table and placed it into his cup before mashing it with a fork so it was pulpy juice.
"Deo and Hanna. You both should know that the Meiloorun fruit has a tough skin. If you kept it on, it would have really splattered on us. But, since you are going to be a farmer Deo, it is only fitting you miss this point because you are a moisture boy. Stupid little princesses like to pamper themselves and can't peel fruit, Hanna Ding bat."
Other Padawans and Initiates in the cafeteria snickered or outright laughed at the statement until the sound echoed. Even if Jedi weren't supposed to insult or laugh at insults, everyone found the usage of moisture boy to be funny, no matter how old they were.
Aola calling Hanna Ding-Hanna Ding Bat actually caught on as a joke two years ago.
"Shut up, slave!" Deo fumed.
"Moisture boy. Your saber work is as clumsy as a headstrong moisture boy who won't take direction. You should learn Makashi instead of Djem So, but you're a big bumbling buffoon with no footwork or poise, just stomping around."
Aola smiled at Deo, watching him turn red with anger.
"I'll hit you in the face again if you don't shut up!" Deo threatened.
"What an honor!" Aola snickered, taking a bite out of her sandwich.
"Fight me right now!" Deo snapped, standing up out of his chair. "Unless you are scared to lose!"
"Okay, you go ahead and tell the healers I gave you a concussion as well. Are you going to get involved Hanna, or what about the rest of you? You all seem to forget I fought in the Clone Wars while none of you did, you were here playing like the children you all are. Training with harmless droids." Aola was already out of her seat, hand right by the hilt of her light-saber.
Hanna's face burned red, but she glared at Aola with some heat. "My problem is with Scout, but if I feel like I need to help Deo, which I doubt I will, I will step in."
Aola laughed, truly amused. "Okay, little princess and the moisture boy might team up. What will I do when you are jumping above me and floating there like bantha fodder? I didn't know you let females fight your battles, Deo."
"I don't! Hanna or nobody else are going to get involved, this is between you and I! If Hanna wants to fight Scout I won't stop her."
Hanna smirked at Talisibeth. "How about it, flunkie?"
"I have no problem with it." Talisibeth replied, not blinking or flinching. "Just don't cry when you lose."
