One more for the road...

Enjoy!

M.

Chapter 67

Thursday, September 6, 2012.

After her brother-in-law had left her home. Sam stood watching the door for a while. Until a clearing of a throat brought her back to the present.

"Yes?" She asked, half sharply as she turned around.

"Sorry, Miss C. Dinner's ready, and Parker was wondering if you were joining us."

"I'll be there in a minute." Sam had answered. Walls quickly building up. How could she start tearing down walls and begin a friendship, when all it was left inside her was emptiness? She wondered.

Parker was the only reason there was still a small part of herself that was allowed to love and care. The rest was hiding under at least twenty-five identities that had worn her down differently in their different worlds and fears. She was all of them and yet; she was none of them at all.

She shook her head, took a deep breath, and planted a smile on her face. One she knew Parker would see right through, just like her father used to.

Somehow, Parker hadn't asked the questions she could read in her eyes. She never did. Sam wondered if she had screwed up her relationship with her daughter, so much that she was hiding questions and comments just like she had from her dad.

"Mommy," Parker had called. Bringing her from her thoughts once dinner was done, and it was just the two of them tucked together to read her book.

"Yes, P?"

"Are you going to be okay?" P asked, chewing her lower lip in the same way Sam did.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know… You seem hurt and worried. But it's different from before… Is it your job?"

"I…"

"Maybe you can quit it and we can go back to our lives on the run?" Sam gulped.

"It's not the job, P. Don't worry, we won't go back to that life on the run. I just need some time to adjust. That's all."

'And my daddy?' Parker wanted to ask. That was a dream of hers. That one day when they finally had one place to call home and a forever name. Her dad would be able to join them, and her mom wouldn't be as sad anymore. "I love you, mommy." She said instead.

"I love you too, P. Now… Let's read. Tomorrow, I won't be able to tuck you in. I have to work late."

"Oh… Okay." Parker tried not to pout, but deep down she knew things would be different. As different as her mommy was now.

Monday, September 17, 2012

It wasn't surprising when he was the first one to walk up the step to try salvaging whatever remained of their relationship. He had, after all, a strength she lacked, and the wisdom of many more years.

"May I have a word with you, General Carter?" he had said, in that deep voice of his.

"Teal'c. Of course, what can I do for you?" She'd answered. His head crooked slightly to the side and his lips curled a tiny bit upwards.

"When I met you, I never thought you would be strong enough to fight the Goa'uld." He confessed. Sam gulped.

"You were right." She acknowledged. "I wasn't around when they were defeated."

"I was mistaken." He stated. "You might not have been around to help end the war, but every battle you fought was equally valuable." She clenched her jaw. "I once was your friend. I hope that hasn't changed with time. We, Jaffa, know that time and distance sometimes are imposed onto our lives. We also know that true friendship always thrives."

"What if…" she tried keeping her eyes leveled on his. She blushed then, shook her head, and felt utterly embarrassed.

"We are friends. Friends don't judge." He said. "What you say to me now won't leave this room. Just like what you've said to me before has never left my mouth."

"What if I changed too much, Teal'c? What if I'm not the person you knew from before?"

"People don't change, Samantha Carter. They evolve. We've faced a version of yourself that presented us with the opportunity to know what would you be like. If you weren't the caring person, we all know you are." Sam frowned. "The replicator version of yourself was very talkative of how much she was just like you."

"Oh, God."

"Have you forgotten how to care?" he asked, his eyes searching hers. "Have you forgotten the confession I witnessed in that room?" For a brief second, her eyes flickered with emotions. The confession, the damned Zat'arc test. That had been the first thing they'd had against them. The stupid emotions that had almost gotten them killed and had managed to separate them after all. "You have not." Teal'c noticed. "Then we can hope."

"Hope what? I've fucked up everything by coming back. I shouldn't have taken this damned office! I shouldn't have agreed to the stupid medals and promotions! I shouldn't have taken my stupid name back! I shouldn't have allowed them to take it from me, to begin with!" She said almost hissing. Clenching her jaw to control the emotions that were running freely now.

She was so tired of pretending that she wasn't disturbed by the position she was in. She was so fucking tired of having the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was more than ready to break and hide in a corner to lick her wounds. In order to keep the few untouched pieces of her overly broken heart safe and away from everyone else.

But she couldn't. Not here, when the consequences of her breakdown would be obvious to anyone who dared to look at her face. Not at home, where her daughter was already looking through her crumbling facade. Knowing she wasn't herself and she wouldn't ever be herself ever again.

Truth was, there was no Samantha Carter left in her. She had been so many fucking people that she'd forgotten how to be herself. She had been so worried about picking stuff up from other people. That she hadn't bothered to try to keep herself together. She hadn't had time… But then again, time was all that she had wasted on everyone but herself.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. That was as much as she dared to say. Teal'c understood her, far better than she understood herself at that point. She needed time. Sadly, time wasn't the same for humans and Jaffa.

He stood up. "Janet's birthday is next week."

"I know."

"Cassandra is organizing a celebration for that day."

"I'll stay as far away from that as I can. Don't want to screw up her birthday too."

"You should come. Even if only for a while. It will be a step forward."

"I'm not sure I'll be welcomed." Teal'c smiled.

"Even if we seem a bit different around you. I'm sure Cassandra will want a hug from you after all this time."

"Check with Janet first?" She asked hopefully. Teal'c shook his head.

"If it worries you, you should ask Janet yourself. Worries in this situation are a good sign. It means that somewhere in you, Samantha Carter still hides within. Have a good evening, General Carter."

Thursday, September 20, 2012.

To be honest, he was expecting Daniel. He wasn't expecting her. But it didn't surprise him either. There was always something feisty about her. Something that was unleashed after she'd survived such a close call. Thanks to Daniel's quick reaction.

After that, that feisty side of Janet Fraiser had come through often enough. It had managed to get her so many missions with SG-1. But he wasn't expecting her. Daniel he could manage, but Doctor Fraiser always had a way to drive him insane.

"Sir." She said. She was out of uniform and so was he. She was after all at his house. His shift had just ended, and hers was scheduled to start in a few hours. She had taken it so she could get the hours to be at the party Cass was trying to organize for her birthday.

"Why aren't you Daniel?" Jack huffed.

"Excuse me?" She asked with her eyebrow raised.

"Daniel… You know? Like this tall, hair ranges from here to here and he often does this slight pushing of his glasses up when he is flustered and not wearing his contacts." Jack said, adding the proper gestures to his words. "There were a few years where you were head over heels about him. You both did nothing about it." Janet laughed. "What?"

"We did."

"You did?"

"Yup."

"When?" Jack frowned in confusion.

"Just after…" She took a deep breath. "Sam's incident. We went out, had a nice date, did the deed, and it was highly awkward afterward."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"So that's why you had no issues with Vala taking up residence on his lap 24/7?"

"Well, that and… You know…" She blushed.

"Teal'c."

"Yeah. I was so in denial with what I thought I felt for Daniel that I never thought… Then I was on my deathbed and he was there. It was… It made sense." She shrugged. "Still does."

"Don't get me wrong, Doc. I'm happy for you."

"Still, I'm not here about that. And maybe I should… You know the rules and all. Has she been briefed about it?"

"Not by me."

"Why not?" Janet frowned.

"We aren't exactly speaking, Janet."

"She called me to her office the other day," Janet confessed as they finally found a place to sit.

"She did?"

"Yes. It was awkward as hell. I think she's so fucking afraid of us."

"Carter? Afraid?" Jack snorted.

"Yeah. Just like you seem to fear her."

"I'm not scared of Carter. That's ridiculous."

"Then why are you still avoiding her. It's been over a month. We've been to three different places since then, and not even once have you showed up to wave goodbye." Jack sighed and rubbed his face tiredly.

"Has she mentioned to you that she has a daughter?" Janet frowned. "No? She didn't mention that to me either. She does. I've seen the girl. It's a mini Carter."

"Why wouldn't she mention having a daughter?" Janet frowned.

"It beats me." He shrugged. 'Because it's her dirty little secret. That she moved on after she left me. She moved on, even after we fucked on the Prometheus.' He thought.

"Maybe she didn't want to cause you pain, Jack. I was there when you both confessed to being in love."

"Care for her…" he rolled his eyes. "I care for her more than I'm supposed to… Those were my words." It was Janet's turn to snort.

"If that was care, Jack. I can't imagine what love looks like."

"You shouldn't. It hurts too fucking bad." He mumbled.

"She's coming to my party," Janet blurted out, then assessed his expressions. "That's why she asked me to her office. She said Teal'c invited her, and she wanted to know if it was all right with me if she went."

"What exactly has that got to do with me, or your visit?" Jack frowned, confused by that.

"It means that she still cares about what we think. She could simply have dropped by, or not at all. Yet, she made the effort to ask. Don't you think that's telling?"

"Telling of what, Janet?"

"The Sam we knew is still somewhere inside her, Jack," Janet stated. Jack clenched his jaw. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. "She's just hiding from all of us. I'm not sure if she's afraid we'll judge her for what she did to survive. Or if she's worried about what she didn't do in the war. We always told her she was a necessity to win it. I have no fucking clue as to what's going on in that mind of hers. But we both know there was always some sort of self-depreciative notions inside her." Jack gulped.

"Do you know how she got to General?" She asked after a while.

"Hayes… And Davis. I'm not sure how it happened, but they were the ones that made the arrangements so she could be promoted in time and with no one else knowing about it."

"Did she even know about it?" Janet wondered.

"I don't' know, Janet. I know squat about her, beyond what she had confessed during the first trial. She wasn't called back to any other trials because no one knew how to get in touch with her. Or that was the excuse," He sighed. "Do you know if she's talked with Daniel? Daniel hasn't been around my office for a while…"

"No. She hasn't. He's making it difficult too. Just like you. Probably worse than you." She shook her head. "Sometimes I wonder if you guys realize that the one living a weird life all alone for eleven years was her and not you. I know it takes a while, but I can't help to wonder how it feels to get taken away from everything you know and love. Now, knowing she has a daughter that wasn't used against her… I wonder how lonely it all was for her? I know how difficult is to raise a child alone, and I had all of you to help. I can't imagine what it was like raising one without any kind of support."

"How you know? That there's no one?" Jack frowned.

"I asked."

"But Daniel…" Jack frowned.

"Daniel told us what he saw, Jack. We won't even know the context of it unless she tells us what the heck happened. All I know is that when I asked her if she would bring someone along, a husband, boyfriend, significant other… She shook her head no."

"That doesn't mean there's no one, Janet. Just that she doesn't want to push someone else into your party too."

"No. I thought the same, so I asked. She chuckled dryly and said, 'relationships when you change your name so often, are far more complicated than you would believe'. Truth is, I never even considered that. Do we even know if the daughter you saw… Did she have to change names too?"

"I don't know, Janet. I guess there's too much we don't know."

"But, do we care, though? Because things can be so much different if we care." The way she looked at him told him that it was his decision. They would do whatever they wanted with their relationships with Sam. But it was up to him to fix his.

"We always cared, Janet."

"Then we do something. But not tonight, or I'll be late for my shift. Come to my party, Jack. Let's see if some alcohol and food can manage to get her, and all of us, a bit more relaxed around each other. If not, well, we'll need time."

She said as they walked to his door. She waved goodbye and drove away. Of all the things they had spoken about, one word continues to bother him.

Time. They had already lost so much of it before this all started. Then they had lost eleven years. What were a few more months to fix what it was lost?