Chapter 36
Monday November 5
Darcy made his way into Collins and Collins balancing a tray of cups from Java Base. He felt Lizzie might object less if he brought coffee for Lydia, Fitz and Charlotte as well. Java Base boosted over 30 flavors and any flavor combination you wanted. He planned on hopefully taking Lizzie there soon. He thought she would enjoy all the scents in the air. When he appeared in Lizzie doorway she glanced up and smiled.
"It isn't Starbucks," he blurted out.
"Will, you can't buy me coffee every morning," she told him frowning.
"I bought some for Fitz, Charlotte and Lydia as well," he said setting the tray on her desk. He handed her the one he got for her. She took a sip.
"Mmmmm, you got me mint chocolate," she said in awe.
"Lydia suggested you enjoyed the flavor," he told her his chin starting to retreat.
"I love it. But no coffee tomorrow," Lizzie said.
He frowned.
"Tomorrow I get to bring you coffee," she told him smiling.
"I'd rather bring you coffee."
"It's my turn," she told him simply.
"As long as you still go to dinner with me tonight. Lydia, of course is included. As is Charlotte and Fitz."
"I'm sorry my little sister showed up to ruin our date."
"She isn't ruining it. She's changing it. We can adapt."
"Do I enable her to be irresponsible?"
"I don't know."
"I always thought that if she wanted to be treated as an adult she needed to act like one, but maybe if I want her to act like an adult, I should treat her as one."
"It is worth considering."
"It might be time to try. To let her grow up."
"Fitz thinks she should major in psychology."
"Psychology?"
"He says she is very perceptive at reading people and interpreting their actions. Lydia I believe was interested in being called doctor without having to attend Medical School."
"Dr Bennet. My parents would be proud. We'd all be impressed."
"Which is what Lydia wants I think, to be noticed, to be distinct."
"Charlotte said she wants my attention, that she acts the way she does to get it."
"Many children act out for attention."
"Lydia isn't a child."
"Then don't treat her like one. It is better to realize a younger sibling is no longer a child before something dramatic has to happen. I often think had I have treated Gigi as the adult she was, she would not have been vulnerable to Wickham."
"I should be less judgmental about Lydia. Not leap to conclusions. Charlotte and I watched the video they shot yesterday. It was good. Then we watched all Lydia's videos. I don't think I know my little sister as well as I thought I did."
"Then perhaps it's time to get to know her."
"You're right. Thank you," she said kissing his cheek.
"For what?" Darcy ask in pleasure.
"For listening to me. Letting me talk about Lydia, for being here."
"I suggested to Fitz," he said hesitantly, "if Lydia does switch majors and wants to consider other schools," his chin began to retreat toward his neck. "I'd host her in San Francisco to tour school's there and she was welcome to sock slide to her heart's content in my home." Then he looked guiltily at Lizzie and added, "And that if she chose one in the area I 'd have a job for her at Pemberley that would work with her class schedule to help offset expenses."
Lizzie looked at him. He wasn't sure if she was mad he was so presumptuous or if it was something else.
"I thought the transfer from partier to responsible student would be easier at a new school where she wasn't known, nor where her sisters known and held up as a yardstick to measure her against," Darcy explain defensively.
"You William Darcy are an amazing man."
...
"I'm totes going to be a psychologist," Lydia announced at dinner that night. "It's basically what I already like to do."
"That's really good Lyds. What do you like so much about it?" Lizzie ask.
"It's studying people. Figuring out what and why they do stuff. It's totes awesome. I can help solve problems that allow people to lead better lives."
"She really picked up on it today," Fitz told them proudly.
"Fitz is going to help me figure out what classes I've taken go towards a psych degree and what I need to take still."
"If you'd like to consider other programs than your school's psych one, my offer still stands," Darcy told her.
"I think I might take you up on that Darceface. GiGi emailed me some info on her school's psych program. Along with others near her. She says the people in San Francisco would totes fascinate me."
"I hope my sister didn't use the word totes."
"Don't worry, she didn't. It's all mine."
"If there's anything I can do to help, let me know," Lizzie said hesitantly. She had never seen her sister this excited about something. She felt guilty for not taking the same time Fitz had to encourage her sister. Instead she had tucked Lydia into an unflattering box and refused to acknowledge there was more to her. Starting tonight she decided, she would become a better sister.
"Will do nerd," Lydia said scooping some food off Lizzie's plate.
...
As Darcy brushed teeth the night he wondered when it would be considered too soon to ask Lizzie to move in with him. He wanted her in San Francisco, in their home. Until she moved in it would not feel like home anymore. His hotel felt empty again tonight. Last night his lonely bed had been torture. Only two nights sleeping with Lizzie in his arms and he ached for her to be in them again. He spent one of the worst nights of his life. He wasn't looking forward to sleeping without her tonight. To waking up reaching for her and coming up with empty space. He picked up his phone and text Lizzie.
D: How did things go with Lydia after dinner?
L: Really well. I feel like I talked to my sister for real for the first time ever. Since we were kids at least.
D:That's good.
L: She so many hopes and goals. Stuff I didn't even know about. I think we are going to be closer now.
D: She will always be welcome to visit us in San Francisco.
After hitting send Darcy realized what he had said he waited anxiously for Lizzie's response.
L: She and GiGi are already planning her first visit up there to see you guys after you guys come down in December.
She hadn't caught his slip. She assumed the us referred to him and Gigi, not him and her. He wished that him and Lizzie were an us living together in San Fransisco, but he knew logically that Lizzie wasn't ready for that. He needed to be more careful, she was too important to risk scaring off by moving too quickly. Slow he once again reminded himself.
D: I am looking forward to visiting in December. I hope to replace some of your memories of me there with better ones.
L: Follow my philosophy, think of the past only as it gives you pleasure.
D:Then you must not remember me being there at all.
L: It wasn't all bad.
D: Really? Was there an incident where you didn't hate me?
It was a few minutes before Lizzie responded.
L: Yes, there is one.
D: Will you tell me about it?
L: The first time I saw you at the Gibson wedding. I think my heart literally stopped beating. I thought you were the most gorgeous guy I'd ever seen. I had an instant crush on you in that moment.
Darcy read her text. His heart clenched. He gasped for breath, trying to breathe around the obstruction in his throat. How different things could have been. If he had been less of a pretentious ass, an agoraphobia lobster. He needed Lizzie, he needed to hear her voice. He quickly hit dial and waited for her to pick up. When she did he said, "Lizzie I love you. I wish I could go back to that moment in time and do it right."
"It's okay Will. It's been a learning experience. Your the one who told me the hardest things in life often teach the most valuable lessons and have the greatest rewards."
"It's not okay Lizzie. I love you and I hurt you. I love you so much Lizzie."
"I'm not where you're at yet. I wish I was so I could say it to assure you that it really is okay. I care about you. A lot. It kind of scares me. If we want to really give this a try, we both have to accept our past actions and move on from them. Be different. Be better. I was terrible and judgmental - -"
"Because I was a jerk," Darcy interrupted her.
"I was judgy. It's something I need to work on. I am just now getting to know my baby sister. I thought I knew what was best for Charlotte Will. She doesn't hold that against me. I've let go of my grudge against you. I should have let it go a long time ago. I was so vain I decided because you didn't think I was pretty that I had to hate you."
"Lizzie you're gorgeous, I don't even know how to tell you how beautiful I think you are."
"Thank you Will, but you don't have to tell me I'm pretty. If anyone should feel guilty, it's me. For not giving you a chance before."
"I didn't deserve a chance then Lizzie," Darcy told her.
He was hit by an awful thought. If Lizzie had given him a chance, not protected herself with her hate, he might have still been an arrogant jerk and left her, hurt her like Bing did Jane. Would he have run away from his feelings for Lizzie even then? Let his stupid pretensions keep him from her? He's shuddered at the image of Lizzie missing him in that circumstance, of how hurt she would feel. Betrayed by him. Abandoned. Discarded. Unimportant. Unworthy. He gasp in pain at hurting Lizzie, to imagine it even was almost unbearable.
"Will? Will? Hey are you okay?" Lizzie's voice called to him through the phone, pulling him back to reality.
"Yes. Yes I will be. I just need you to know I love you Lizzie," he told her. "Please tell me you know that? Please," he said desperately.
"Okay Will. I know that. Can you do a favor for me?
"Anything," he said eagerly.
"Whatever terrible scenario, or guilt you're feeling, just let it go. We can move forward together.
"I'll try."
"Good. I hate to say this now, but I need to get going. Will you be okay?"
"Yes Lizzie. I will be. Good night."
"Good night Will."
"I love you," he whispered to the phone as she hung up.
