Note: Surprise! The next chapter was getting too long to be posted as one, so I decided to upload the first half early! The second half (chapter 32) will be uploaded Friday!
Chapter 31: Cut the Deadwood Out
I hesitated outside the kitchen and tried to steel myself. Doug's and Ann's voices were muffled through the door as they closed the kitchen for the night, but it was Carter's words from that afternoon's session that echoed in my mind.
"Go to him with humility and be honest about your circumstances and intentions. It's all you can do for now."
I took a deep breath, knocked twice, and pushed the door open.
"Hey!" Ann greeted me with a surprised smile as she dried dishes with a tea towel. "I thought you headed upstairs already?"
"Do you need something?" Doug asked.
"A-actually…" I stammered. "Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked Doug. "Alone?" I added with a nervous glance to Ann.
I watched as the father and daughter exchanged confused looks before Doug smiled broadly.
"Certainly!" he chortled. "Ann, how about you go take inventory behind the bar?"
"Geez, I can just leave. You don't need to give me more work!" she playfully complained before throwing the towel over her shoulder and marching to the dining room. Her large blue eyes silently questioned me as she passed by, but I shamefully looked away. The entire ordeal was humiliating enough without Ann knowing.
When the kitchen door swung shut, I tried to meet Doug's eyes but found the task too difficult.
"Doug, I, uh—" I began, but suddenly forgot the words I had rehearsed. "I mean, I was wondering—"
"The answer is yes," he interrupted.
I was so surprised I managed to look him directly in the eyes, which seemed to shine with…happiness?
"Really?" I croaked in disbelief. Was it really going to be this easy? "But—"
"I've been waiting for this day! Though I must admit, I am surprised. I didn't think things had progressed that quickly between you two! So, have you already bought it?"
I stared at Doug, my face blank. "What are you talking about?"
"The blue feather!" he cheered.
"Wh-what?!" I found myself reflexively retreating towards the door as my face burned with embarrassment. "Oh no, Doug, you misunderstood me. I was actually wondering if I could get an extension on r-rent…?" I said, my voice becoming softer. This wasn't going as I had rehearsed at all.
"Rent?" he asked, his smile falling into a tense frown.
I nodded sheepishly. Disappointment was on his face as he crossed his arms across his chest.
"I don't know, Cliff. Rent isn't the same as a bar tab, and yours is getting pretty high…" he mentioned in a solemn tone.
"I've got a job lined up with Gotz for the next few days. I'll have the money; you have my word," I promised, hoping he could hear the confidence returning to my voice. "And I can give you half today," I added eagerly.
Doug seemed to waver as his eyes searched mine.
"Okay," he sighed, and I felt my body relax from relief. "But keep it quiet. I like you, but I don't need it getting out I'm going soft."
"You won't regret it," I breathed, fishing the money I had from my pockets and surrendering it.
"I had better not," he said sternly as he counted the coins. Half-satisfied with the amount, he shook my hand with one stiff movement.
"You have two more days."
"Thank you, Doug. That's all I need," I said in earnest. I released his hand and started to leave.
"And Cliff?" Doug called after me.
I turned, fearing he was going to charge me a late fee.
"It cannot happen again," he warned.
"I understand," I nodded, worry returning to settle in my stomach.
At least the anxiety makes me less hungry, I thought as I pushed open the door to the dining room. Carter always encouraged me to look on the bright side. My half-hearted attempt at positivity was abruptly ended when the door smacked against something hard.
"Ow!"
Ann rubbed the side of her head, looking guilty. She couldn't have been more obvious.
"You were listening," I said glumly.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled as she fidgeted with the tea towel, not even offering an excuse.
"Well, it's exactly as it sounds—I'm broke," I announced as I leaned against the staircase and studied the floor. "I think you probably knew that already, though."
"Hey, don't get down!" she said with a sudden burst of energy that made me jump. "I also heard you got a job with Gotz! That's great! You know, I bet he's looking for an apprentice!"
Her comment caught me off guard. Even just a few days of temporary work was something to celebrate, but if I could manage to turn this into a regular thing…
"You think so?" I asked, my hopes rising.
"Yeah!" she cheered. "Harris is always in here talking about how he worries about Gotz. He'll probably keep you on after he sees what a hard worker you are!"
I felt my spirits lifted. I always imagined I'd end up working with animals, but I'd take anything reliable. Though I wasn't properly trained, I managed to make the necessary repairs to the fence back home.
"An apprentice carpenter, huh?" I smiled. Everyone in town had a role. Farmer, grocer, blacksmith, doctor. I'd have one too.
"An apprentice carpenter!" Ann confidently assured me.
"I'd better get to bed then," I grinned. "I need to be at my best tomorrow."
"Go on then!" she said, snapping the towel at me and lunging as if she were threatening to chase me up the stairs.
"I'm going, I'm going!" With a laugh, I threw my hands up in surrender and hurried up the steps, wishing it was morning already.
The next morning, I readied myself for work with an anticipation I hadn't felt since I first started working for Claire. Though the excitement made it difficult to sleep the night before, I felt alert with nervous energy. I checked the weather multiple times, fearing the job would be rained out. Thankfully, the forecast promised clear skies with an especially impressive moon that night. I took it as a good omen, even if I wasn't sure if I believed in them.
Before I left the room to head to Mother's Hill, I glanced at my fishing pole.
"Good riddance," I murmured to it.
"Did ya bring gloves?" was how Gotz greeted me outside his cabin. His untamed beard and clothes were already scattered with sawdust.
I held up my gloved hands, thankful for my memory.
"Good. Follow me," he ordered as he squeezed his large frame out the small door. The carpenter's clearing at the base of Mother's Hill was a scattered collection of sawhorses and wood stumps between evergreens. We walked on a path of woodchips, sawdust, and bark to several large stacks of wooden planks. Some looked fresh-cut, while others had clearly sat in the elements for some time.
"We're makin' oak barrels for Duke," Gotz announced as he knocked on one of the older wood pieces. "Orders 'em every year. Usually earlier than this, but that's his own business. He paid me a pretty coin to rush the job, or else ya wouldn't be here." He ran his hand affectionately over the planks. "This lumber's been air dryin' for two years, just waitin' for this job."
"Two years?" I asked, then instantly regretted opening my mouth. Gotz didn't seem like a person who wanted to waste any time that could be spent working, and I needed to make a good impression.
"Duke wants the oak seasoned. I do what Duke wants," he said bluntly as I reached out to touch the wood. "DON'T—" he suddenly barked at me. I jumped and pulled my hand back as if the wood were on fire. "—waste the material."
"Don't waste the material," I repeated back with a feeble nod. Gotz stared into my eyes for a few moments before he returned his attention to the wood.
"Today we'll be cuttin' the staves and raisin' the skirts. Now don't get too excited, I'm still talkin' 'bout the barrels!" he said with a gravelly laugh to himself. I was too busy trying to recall what a stave was that I missed his joke. I let out a nervous laugh anyway. "Tomorrow we'll do the toastin', and we'll finish up the day after. Everything is done by hand, and I've got all the tools to get the job done. Axes, hammers, drivers, handsaws, hand planers—ya name it, I got it. Now, grab some oak and follow me."
Gotz easily lifted a large stack of the planks in his hairy arms and carried it over to the sawhorses. There was no way I could carry the weight he did. I followed him with a pitiful stack in comparison, and as I set the wood pieces down, he launched into the agenda.
"First we'll shape the staves. Cut 'em all to thirty-six inches. Taper 'em on each end," he ordered, drawing an imaginary line against the wood where he wanted them cut. "I want a slight bevel too."
"Bevel?" I asked. I had no idea what he was talking about.
"Yeah, kinda like a miter angle, ya know?" he said, moving right along. "If ya cut a few too wide, don't worry. We'll use 'em as bung staves."
"I don't know—" I began. None of his words made any sense to me, but Gotz continued without stopping.
"Then we'll plane the outside and hollow the insides 'til they got a nice curve," he said, arcing his hand. "I'll clamp the hoops and arrange the staves, you number 'em, then we'll drive the hoops and call it good. Got it?"
"Er, can you show me?" I asked, feeling overwhelmed.
Gotz pressed his lips into a flat line, picked up a tool I didn't know the name of, and set to work.
My arms burned as I scraped the planer across the staves again and again. Sweat threatened to drip onto the wood but clung to me out of fear of Gotz. Barrel-making was far more challenging than chopping firewood or nailing a fence together. It took no time at all for the intimidating carpenter to realize the job went far beyond my skill level and before long, he had decided I couldn't do anything to his standard other than hollow the staves.
"I don't have time for mistakes," he grumbled as he corrected my work.
As the hours passed, I kept my head down and worked as fast as I could manage without sacrificing the quality he demanded.
"You almost done?" Gotz called to me as I hollowed my umpteenth stave.
"Just a— a few more minutes—and it'll be—ready!" I grunted as I dug the tool into the wood, sending woodshavings flying around me.
Gotz lumbered over to me. "Give it here," he ordered, and I reluctantly obeyed. My arms shook from fatigue when I withdrew, and I tried to steady them as I watched Gotz drag the planer at a speed I couldn't dream of matching. He finished in less than a minute.
I hoped my performance would improve when it came to driving the hoops around the circle of staves. For a time, it did, until I hit the metal ring at a wrong angle and snapped the wood beneath it. Gotz was silent the entire time he changed the stave and reshaped it with an ax, but his annoyance was palpable. It was already late afternoon by the time I followed Gotz into his cabin for the day's pay, and I felt as if the hope I held that morning had been steadily hacked away with a hatchet.
The cabin was just as wood dusted and utilitarian as the workshop outside, though significantly more cluttered with tools and blueprints. Only a small kitchenette and stiff bed indicated someone lived there. The way his home, workshop, and store all shared the same space further reinforced how enmeshed the man was with his work.
"We're toasting the barrels tomorrow, right?" I said as Gotz collapsed onto the little wooden stool behind the counter and began gathering my wages. I wondered if "toasting" meant what it sounded like. Though I tried to project some confidence, even I doubted that I should be trusted around a fire.
Gotz shook his head. "I'm not one to mince words. You're a decent, hardworkin' type, but ya don't got the know-how to finish the job."
Even though I knew what he said was true, I desperately wanted to convince him not to give up on me.
"I know I made mistakes today, but I also know with some time and training, I can do this," I assured him, but his expression didn't change. "And I can take a pay cut."
"Sorry, kid. It's not gonna happen. I don't have time to be teachin' and you're slowin' me down. Here, today's pay, in full. It's only fair."
"So tomorrow…?" I asked, shifting uncomfortably and causing the floorboards to let out a pathetic squeak beneath me.
"I'll be workin' on my own."
"Ah," I slowly nodded. I tried to ignore the sting of rejection as I collected my wages off the counter. My hope was in splinters.
"Keep your head up," Gotz said in a voice that I assume was meant to sound encouraging but came out like an order. "It's just not a fit."
I gave him a resigned smile. "Thank you. And thank you for giving me a chance. Good luck tomorrow."
I stepped out into the carpenter's clearing, and once I was far enough away from the door, let out a series of swears that would have made Gray proud. I practically threw myself against the trunk of a red-leaved tree from sheer frustration.
What did Gotz expect? I grew up jerry-rigging things together on a farm, not training in the mountains with some ancient barrel-making master! I thought bitterly as I began totaling my money. I was so aggravated it was hard to keep count. But even then, I knew I couldn't be upset at Gotz. I was the one who squandered the past few years doing nothing when I should have been learning something worthwhile!
Thankfully, I had enough money to make rent, but I would have nothing left after. At this rate, I'd be fishing just to feed myself. And how would I make next month's rent?
Maybe I can ask Gray to spot me? Carter? Hell, Kai? How many friends was I bound to take advantage of before I didn't have any left? It was bad enough with Doug and Ann.
And how am I going to explain to Ann that I got fired? The word made me groan. The idea of an apprenticeship was laughable from the start. Why'd I have to get my hopes up? Everyone just works with their family here anyway. I banged the back of my head against the tree in annoyance. Why'd I have to leave Ma and Terra?
I continued railing against myself until my anger died down into despondency and I slid against the rough bark to sit.
What am I going to do? I asked myself, knowing full well I had no answers. Everyone else seemed to tell me to just keep trying. They don't understand how exhausting it is to lose all the time.
In an act of desperation, I threw back my head and closed my eyes. It was time to try something new.
"What should I do?" I whispered to the Harvest Goddess. The words felt awkward as they escaped my lips, but I stopped breathing to listen for a response.
I waited and only heard the breeze through the leaves.
I let out a sharp, forceful exhale and opened my eyes. Through the canopy of thinning autumn leaves, the peak of Mother's Hill silently reigned over me.
Something stirred inside, a hot flash of anger I hadn't felt since I confronted Carter in the confession room. I jumped to my feet and began to tear up the dirt path that wound around the hill, crushing red leaves and blue petals into the earth beneath me. My heart pounded hard and heavy, either from the anger or effort of it all. Sunlight breaking through the leaves flashed rapidly across my eyes as I stormed through the woods with nothing on my mind but reaching the peak. My boots beat into the bridge over the river as I broke past the timberline. The path became increasingly steep and rocky as I climbed higher and higher and the blazing sun sank lower and lower. With one final push that had my legs and lungs aching, I clambered onto the summit.
There was nothing to shade me from the setting sun. It burned into my eyes as I stood at the edge of the bluff and gazed at the rugged horizon before me. I could see everything: the orange and red tops of changing trees, the river spilling down the mountain, water pouring into Goddess's Spring, Mineral Town nestled in the valley, the wilderness stretched all around, and the sea, boundless and blue. Everything seemed open and limitless from above, and in that moment, the anger was replaced with the strongest sense of accomplishment I had felt in a long time. I sucked in all the cold air I could manage, cupped my hands around my mouth, and forced all my anxieties out with one long yell.
The horizon began to tilt as I became dizzy, and I crashed back onto the mountain, panting and sweating. I listened to my triumphant yell echo over the expanse and fell back against the cool rock. It felt strangely comforting to be resting on something timeless and huge. From this height, the squares of farms and clusters of houses below looked insignificant. Nature overpowered them all, overpowered the troubles inside them, and overpowered me.
"Thank you," I softly laughed to the Goddess. It was such a relief.
The sun slipped below the horizon and peace seemed to descend over me as the sky was blanketed in stars. The noise of my breathing and heartbeat calmed, but there was no sound to be heard on the cliff other than the gentle wind. I knew it would be dark soon, but I stayed still at the edge of the cliff, waiting for moonrise.
As I waited for the moon to appear, a distant thump resounded through the rock. At first, it was faint enough I couldn't be sure if it wasn't my heartbeat, but with time it seemed to grow louder, and I realized someone was drawing closer.
I turned toward the sound just as Claire stepped out onto the summit.
I love Gotz, but I think he would be hard to work with and have little patience for incompetence! I like writing pissed-off Cliff. Too bad it's always directed at himself.
Anyways, I figured I'd take the time here to share one of my favorite quotes:
"Today, climbing has shown me a courageous, strong side of myself, a beautiful bravery. Other days I've seen pitiful weakness. I've watched myself crawl, belly-flat, across a mountainous landscape of fear. Climbing has shown me that I am all of these things: strong and weak, brave and cowardly, both immune to and at the mercy of the fear of death, all at the same time." – Steve House
I listened to Beck's "Blue Moon" (one of my favorite Cliff songs) and The Rolling Stones' "Moonlight Mile" quite a bit while working on this chapter. I've been playing another more famous "moon" song quite a bit while working on the next part. I bet you can guess which one. :)
'Til Friday!
