Chapter 36

"Love comes quietly,
finally, drops
about me, on me,
in the old ways.
What did I know
thinking myself
able to go
alone all the way."

- Robert Creeley [Love Comes Quietly]

Lupin sat behind his desk trying to focus on the fourth-year essays he'd collected from his afternoon class. Setting the one he was currently reading down, he rubbed his face tiredly with both hands, closing his eyes for a moment. 'Why is it so hard to focus lately?' He knew why, he just didn't want to admit it himself. His thoughts kept straying to memories of Rose, the feel of her in his arms, the taste of her mouth, the gentle touch of her fingers in his hair, the hopeful look in her eyes when she asked to come visit him in Yorkshire. Lupin groaned. It had been weeks of them pretending everything was normal between them, and it was, if anything, even more difficult to keep her out of his head. He was waking up at night to dreams of what her body would feel like pressed beneath his own, what noises he would elicit from her delicious mouth—it was driving him crazy. The old mantra of 'she's my student, she's a Potter, she's engaged' was doing nothing to help his guilty mind think about anything else.

Standing, Remus moved over to his office window and pushed it open, leaning on the sill to enjoy some of the warm spring sunlight on his face. His office window, like the one in his chambers, overlooked the rolling hills that sloped down into the Black Lake and the surrounding forest. He could see students milling around the grounds also enjoying the fine spring weather. Many of the trees had begun to bloom and push out small green buds that promised to grow into vibrant leaves. He wished desperately that the trees would go back to sleep and for snow to once again cover the grounds. Spring was a reminder that term was drawing ever closer to a close—ever closer to the day she would leave.

As if summoned by his thoughts, he saw her emerge from the trail around the Black Lake—the same trail they had once walked together where he had held her tightly in his arms. Even from this distance he knew it was Rose. It was evident from her red hair fiery in the sunlight, from the purposeful way she walked, and the confident way she held herself. In fact, she seemed to be walking very fast now, something was clearly on her mind, some destination or goal that was drawing her on. As she neared the castle, he saw her look up towards his window. She was still too far for him to be certain that she was looking at him, but as soon as she looked down again her walk turned into a run. Remus watched her disappear around the corner of the castle and stepped back from his window.

His heart was beating very fast, and he ran a hand through his hair a couple of times, fidgeting with the front of his robes. Remus realized he'd begun to pace back and forth and stopped, trying to calm himself and be reasonable. 'She probably has class or is late to meet with friends. It doesn't mean she's coming here,' he told himself, but his heart would not slow and there was a nervous tension in his stomach that wouldn't dissipate. And what if she did come here, what then? Surely they'd just sit across from one another as usual, grading papers and staring at each other when they thought neither was looking. Nothing to get worked up about.

He felt his breathing catch when he heard the door to his classroom being thrown open and the sound of her footsteps as she ran across the stone. Heard her take the stairs two at a time and swallowed dryly just before she burst into his office, letting the door slam shut behind her. He had just enough time to take in her appearance—tangled red curls, flushed cheeks, full lips parted and panting from the run, her shoes covered in mud and her eyes bright and focused, before she had crossed the length of the office. Rose crashed into his arms, as if drawn there by forces too great to deny and too powerful to resist. He felt her arms encircle his neck at the same time his wrapped around her waist and their bodies collided, his lips dropping to meet hers.

And then they were kissing one another; clinging to each other as if it was the first time—as if it was the last time. Remus felt like he was drowning in the smell of her. The scents of wet earth and freshly shorn grass and the fragrance of cherry blossoms and crisp spring air clung to her and beneath all of that was her own smell—warm and welcoming and decadent like molten chocolate. She kissed him with a greed and neediness he'd never experienced before, and he kissed her back in kind. All thoughts of right and wrong were drowned out in the feel of her body held firmly against his and all he could think about was how he wanted to feel her even closer against his own.

As if having the same thought, Rose lifted one leg and wrapped it around his thigh, his hand moved down to grasp her leg and hoist it higher up and pull them closer together but this unbalanced them sending Remus tilting forward. He managed to save their fall through the simple expedient of stumbling forward and backing her into his desk, half falling half lowering her onto its surface—sending freshly graded papers scattering across the floor. He heard her gasp into his mouth as she landed hard on the desk and he broke the kiss to ask if she was okay. Rose only dragged him back to her, her nails digging tightly into the back of his robes, her legs wrapping around his hips. She nibbled his lower lip teasingly, gasping when he ground his hips into her. Even through his pants he could feel how hot she had become.

"Rose," he managed to gasp out, pulling himself away from her vicelike grip just enough to look into her hazel eyes—half-lidded and burning with desire. She smiled at him and the smile made his heart throb in his chest.

"Remus," she purred, brushing the hair out of his eyes and letting her nails gently scrape across his scalp and the back of his neck. Merlin, the way she said his name in that yearning voice was almost unfair.

"Rose, I can't promise you anything, I'm a werewolf, I have nothing, I can't give you—" Rose silenced this jumbled sentence by kissing him again. The kiss this time was slower, sweeter, more confident. Remus found it as calming as he found it sexy. When she broke away from him her eyes looked much clearer.

"Even if nothing else ever comes of it—this, right now, it's enough," she told him. "I will regret it my entire life if I leave here not knowing what it's like to be with you."

When his lips crashed back into hers there were no more second thoughts or hesitations behind them. Rose felt the room tilting wildly as Remus picked her up, his hands wrapped tightly under her butt, her legs wrapped firmly around his hips. They broke apart only long enough for him to mutter the password and shove open the door to his private rooms. In moments they were in the bedroom and Rose was pushing his robe from his shoulders and letting her own drop to the floor. They took a moment to kick off their shoes and when he dropped her on the bed, she shoved him back into the cushions and climbed onto his lap. Her eyes half closed as she felt him pressing up against her through his pants.

Remus placed his hands on her thighs, massaging the creamy flesh there, and gazed up at her cautiously. She could tell he was waiting for her to make the next move. Grinning at him, Rose loosened her tie and pulled it off, dropping it to the floor. Next came each button of her blouse and his eyes followed every centimeter of flesh she exposed to him. Shrugging the blouse off she hooked her fingers beneath her bralette and pulled it over her head tossing that to the floor as well. It took no encouragement at all for Remus to slide his hands up her hips, over her smooth abdomen, to cup her breasts in his warm hands. Rose let her head fall back as she enjoyed his touches.

"You are so beautiful, Rose," he told her huskily, and Rose grinned at him cockily. Before she could say anything to goad him on, he sat up and took one of her nipples between his teeth, eliciting a moan from her as his other hand slunk down her hips and up her skirt kneading her butt firmly.

"You're overdressed," she told him when her senses returned and Remus paused to look at her, uncertainty flashing over his face as she began to loosen his tie. Catching her hands in his, Lupin stopped her from going further.

"Rose, I… I have a lot of scars," he said. She smiled warmly at him, giving him a long slow kiss.

"Trust me," she said, and Remus slowly let go of her hands, allowing her to remove his tie and unbutton his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. Her eyes roamed across his torso that was littered in long silvery scars. She could what looked like the marks from a ring of sharp teeth on his left shoulder and swallowed thickly.

"I know they're a bit… gruesome," he said, not looking at her. Rose surprised him by taking his face in her hands and kissing him deeply, the bare flesh of their torsos pressing together for the first time.

"Remus, it's a shame you have no idea how incredibly sexy you are," she told him, touching her forehead to his. And then, grinning mischievously, ran her nails down his back, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from him, asking, "Is this a therapy session or were you going to fuck me?"

Lupin let out a bark of laughter, and grabbed the bottoms of her thighs, flipping her roughly onto her back. Rose gasped and grinned up at Remus as he bent over her—his mischievous smile back on his face. She reached up to pull him in, but he grabbed her wrists and pinned them beside her head. Butterflies erupted in her stomach at the look of desire he gave her as his eyes raked over her body and heat pooled in her groin at the feel of him kneeling between her legs. Arching her back, she tried to bring their bodies into contact, but she couldn't reach.

"Relax, pet," he said, his eyes like molten fire. And bending down he trailed kisses from her lips to her jawline and down along her neck to her collarbone. She moaned aloud when he kissed his way around each breast, swirling his tongue around her pointed nipples. As he kissed his way lower, he released her wrists, but she was in too much of a haze of pleasure to notice. She felt him reach up under her skirt and gently drag her panties down her leg, flinging them off the bed. Rose buried her hands in his hair, her back arching off the mattress when he planted kisses in her most intimate place.

"Remus—" Rose gasped and bucked her hips involuntarily. He wrapped his arms under her legs and held her hips down firmly as he continued his ministrations. She squirmed against the mattress, writhing in pleasure. When she could feel herself nearing her peak she grabbed his hands, pulling him back up to her. Kissing him, she could taste herself on his lips and tongue.

"Remus, please," she begged, reaching a hand down and running it over the front of his trousers. The two of them fumbled with his belt for a moment before his pants were suddenly down around his ankles and kicked off the bed. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and pulled one of her legs up to hook around his hip. The fingers of his other hand intertwined with her own, pressing their clutched fists hard into the mattress as he positioned himself at her entrance.

Rose dug her nails of her free hand into the flesh of his back, gasping when he pushed into her. She was no virgin, but it had been a while since she'd last had sex and even with how wet he had made her she still needed a moment to adjust to him. Remus groaned into her ear as he sank completely into her and the two paused for a moment, panting from desire. She moaned when he began to move. Lifting his head, he kissed her again, their tongues chasing each other as Rose tried to match his thrusts with her own, feeling her pleasure building once again.

"Rose," he moaned into her mouth, releasing her hand to yank her hips up and throw her stockinged legs over his shoulders. The change of angle and more frantic pace sent sharp waves of pleasure through her body and she raked her nails down his shoulders and arms, clinging to him tightly. Rose threw her head back and cried out his name and other incoherent syllables as her whole body flooded in sudden pleasure. She heard him growl and then take a sharp intake of breath before his body tensed.

Remus collapsed into Rose's arms, their bodies sweaty and hot, both still riding out the waves of pleasure they had just experienced. Rose ran her fingers across his back in lazy circles, a contented smile on her face. After a few minutes of panting into her neck, Remus carefully pulled out of her and rolled onto his back a wide grin on his face. Scootched over, she laid her head on his chest, resting her hand on his scarred abdomen. He held her close and kissed the top of her head.

"Sorry if it was… it's been a while," he said apologetically, and Rose started to giggle at him. Wriggling up she planted a contented kiss on his cheek.

"You were perfect," she assured him, her own grin widening at the boyish smile that spread across his face. Squirming out of his embrace, Rose unzipped the skirt she was still wearing, letting it fall to the floor before fishing around in her robe pocket for the dwindling pack of cigarettes Sam had given her.

"Cigarette?" She asked, pulling one out, flushing slightly when she realized he'd been staring at her.

"Why not," he shrugged, sitting up against the pillows, he pulled back the covers, letting her snuggle back up to him. The pair smoked the cigarette together in contented silence, the nicotine buzz amplifying the residual pleasure of their recent activities.

"We'll need to shower before dinner, if McGonagall thinks I've been smoking again she'll kill me."

"A shower sounds nice," he grinned, his eyes flicking down over her body again. Rose flushed prettily at this and looked rather pleased with herself. Remus entwined his fingers around her own, squeezing her hand affectionately. The act of sitting in bed with him, laying her head on his shoulder and holding his hand felt somehow even more intimate than the incredible sex they'd just have. Rose's heart thudded in her chest as she traced her thumb across his knuckles. The words 'I love you' welled up in her breast, longing to be said, but she bit her tongue. It was amazing how a feeling so denied for so long could suddenly, upon its discovery, be so difficult to keep silent—but Rose was afraid that if she told him she loved him that she would scare him away. And if a couple months was all she had left with him, she was going to make the most of it.