Meredith could barely keep her eyes open, it was 8am and both twins had managed to get themselves on completely different schedules. While one would sleep, the other would want to be held and fed. It was an endless cycle that was definitely every 3 hours. She tried to get Derek to take turns but his nipples were no use to the babies, her milk had decided to come and and did it come. She had enough to feed hers plus the other babies in the nursery if she wanted though Elliot wasn't a fan and still had trouble latching. The LC had come and tried to help but he was very stubborn and wouldn't eat without a nipple guard which just added time to the process.

She looked down in her lap as Elliana was wide awake, looking around her surroundings. Derek slept on the uncomfortable couch bed. She was so tired she could probably lay down on that thing and fall right to sleep. She doesn't remember CJ or Scarlett being as alert as Elliana was, she was definitely very timid and go with the flow. She was curious at everything. Elliot was the typical newborn, he definitely let you know when he was tried, hungry and needed a change.

"Derek," Meredith said in a hushed tone. His eyes opened as he looked groggily at her. She felt bad for waking him but she needed to start packing things and needed his help. She was sore to no end.

"Hmm?" He sat up and looked at them.

"We need to pack," she said as she slowly got up and placed Elliana in her bassinet.

"Oh yeah," he nodded and got up, he grabbed both their suitcases and started putting things in. She helped in the best way she could, putting the pack of premie diapers the hospital had given them into one of the bags.

"So I was talking to Ma and she really wants to meet them," he said.

"I know. I just am not ready to fly with five kids yet. Christmas is right around the corner," she reminded him. Last year didn't kill her so she knew it wouldn't be too terrible but she still was nervous about Nancy and the other sister's.

"I just feel so bad. Like I want her to come out here and I don't think she is doing as well as she leads on. She has two of Nancy's kids living with her to help her out but Lizzie called me hysterical last night because mom isn't doing to well," he sounded worried in all honesty.

"Hey, she's going to recover just fine. Surgeons make the worst patients but the family of surgeons make the absolute worst patients," she laughed.

"I just wish there was some way, you know to make all this easier," he sighed. He lived in New York his whole life, it was just a short drive to visit his mother and it turned into a plane ride. She knew he was having trouble about his mom not being in the best shape but he always liked to hide his feelings from her.

"I would like to move to Boston but now we have kids and you are building us a house and Charlie's parents live here and I don't want to take CJ and Scarlett away from them," she sighed. She knew it was awful to think about but after Charles died, she was looking into Mass General in Boston before she met Derek. She could never bring herself to leave her family though.

"Maybe in a few years?" He suggested.

"I don't know, maybe but my life is here."

"We can make our own life there," he replied.

"It was just a quick thought that left as soon as I came when I thought about it. My family is here, my whole life is here. It would be so hard to leave."

"I know what you mean," he nodded. It was a split second decision he made when he got the offer here in Seattle. He already had land here but he never came out here. He dreamed of living in Seattle but he truly missed his family back home.

"It's hard when half your heart is across the country," he admitted.

"Maybe in a month after her physical therapy is complete we can fly her out here for a week," Meredith suggested.

"Sounds good," he gave her a weak smile. There was a small knock on the door before Addison peaked in.

"Who's ready to go home?" She asked.

"I think everyone is at this point," Meredith smiled.

"Well Alex came in and signed off on the babies being released and you are up and moving around perfectly so I'm going to get the nurse in here to give you the papers and you are a free woman," Addison smiled gently at her. After the previous conversation she had with Addison, she felt like she could really be friends with her.

"Thank you Addie," Derek smiled at her.

"So when is mama Shepherd coming to town? I know she will be dying to get her hands on these little cuties," Addison smiled at the two newborns who were miraculously sleeping at the same time.

"We aren't sure. She isn't doing to well," he said with sadness in his voice.

"Oh no, Derek I'm so sorry. I'm not sure she remembers me but give her my absolute best wishes," Addison frowned a bit.

"Thanks, and she does. She said you were the one who got away before Rose," he laughed. His whole family adored Addison from the start to finish of their relationship.

"I miss her, look I'll send flowers or something and also call and give Kathy a few choice words," Addison chuckled a bit.

"I think she would kill you if she heard you call her that right now," Derek broke his frown to smile.

"Yeah, we'll look if you guys need absolutely anything, I'm a phone call away," Addison assured them.

"Thanks Addison," Meredith smiled at her before she turned and walked out.

"I don't want to move them," Derek said as he looked up at Meredith.

"Me neither," she shook her head.

"I'll get Elliana situated if you want to try and get Elliot to eat before the road," he said as he moved one of the car seats he had gotten out of the car earlier and placed it on the couch. Meredith picked up Elliot and he was still sleeping soundly in her arms.

"Hey buddy, you want to eat?" She asked as she ran her finger over his cheeks. He wrinkled his nose the same way she did and she couldn't help but grin at his little smile that appeared. She knew it was probably a gas smile but it was the cutest gas smile she had seen yet.

"I think he's just going to sleep," Derek chuckled as he carefully pulled the straps away before placing Ellie in the car seat. She wiggled a bit as he was locking the buckles into place but she quickly settled as he put a thin blanket tightly over her.

"I learned this trick with Zoe. Her pediatrician said it made them feel more secure and like they were swaddled without being swaddled," Derek smiled proudly.

"I don't think this little guy is going to be as easy," she laughed lightly as she walked carefully to the other car seat. She sat him down and begin to buckle him when his face turned sour and he began screaming at the top of his little lungs. She picked him up and tried to soothe him to prevent him from waking up Elliana. She sat in the rocker and tried to feed him and he kept turning his head away. Meredith began to get frustrated. She knew breastfeeding was hard, she did it with both her previous pregnancies but Elliot wasn't having any part in it. He fussed against her chest and pushed himself away from her.

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong," she looked up at Derek with sad eyes. He frowned slightly, sighing as he felt absolutely helpless.

"I wish I had the answers Mer," he just shook his head the best way he knew how.

"Give me a bottle," she said in defeat. She wanted with everything in her to breastfeed both of them but it was like he had no interest at all.

"Are you sure?" He asked, hesitating before reaching for the premade bottle of formula.

"He doesn't like my boobs. I don't know what it is," she felt tears coming to her eyes. This was such an emotional rollercoaster and she almost felt like a failure.

"I'll do it," he took Elliot from her and sat himself on the couch.

"I guess I will have to pump for him when I get home," she wiped the tears that fell down her cheeks.

"Meredith you are doing everything right," he assured her as he inched the bottle into Elliots mouth. He immediately latched and began gulping down the bottle.

"I don't feel like I am. It's not suppose to be this hard," she was defeated to say the least.

"It is, but you are doing amazing and they both are happy and healthy. If pumping is what you want to do, I'm all for it. It means I can help out more," he said.

"I know. It is just this special bond, like I'm suppose to nurture and care for him and it's like our little time I got to spend with each of my kids. It's heartbreaking we won't share those same moments," she finally broke down into tears.

"Hey we can try and try," he assured her. He wanted nothing more but to pull her into an embrace and hug the pain away from her.

"Ok," she nodded and silently began to finish getting the last little bit done. Elliot finished the 40ml bottle before Derek got him in his car seat. He was a baby god, it was like with his touch they both calmed instantly.

"I think you have that effect on everyone," she giggled in awe at him.

"What?" He questioned cautiously.

"Calming. It's like you can calm a storm," she smiled sheepishly at him. He just smiled and shook his head.

"I'm going to take these bags to the car and pull it out front. You got them?" He asked.

"Mhm," she looked at both of her sleeping children and couldn't contain the smile that grew on her face. She was having a rough time with the postpartum nursing situation but she would give up anything for those two babies. Derek quickly hurried out as two nurses came in. They gave her the discharge papers and instructions and she signed them just as Derek returned, he was out of breath like he had ran a mile.

"We ready?" He breathed deeply.

"Yep," she smiled. She sat down in the wheelchair they had brought in, it was hospital policy for new mother's to be wheeled out. She didn't mind, her stomach still suffered from tons of contractions. Derek grabbed Elliot's car seat while the other nurse took Elliana's. They made their way to the hospital front doors and Derek had parked the car right up front. He put Elliot in first before coming back around and grabbing Elliana. Meredith managed to get into the car on her own, whining a bit when she sat down a little too hard.

"Thank you guys," Meredith smiled at the nurses. Before Derek got in the car. He looked in the rear-view mirror and let out a chuckle.

"What?" She asked, looking back as well.

"If we have any more kids, we will have to get a van," he chuckled. Almost every seat had some sort of car seat. The third row had two booster seats and a high-back seat for CJ and now the middle row had the two car seats for the twins.

"Oh no, no more kids are coming out of me," she shook her head immediately.

"Accidents happen," he smirked as he looked over at her, he was secretly joking but he knew how to drive her insane.

"Absolutely not. One of us is getting snipped," she quickly replied.

"Oh woah now," he stopped.

"Look I don't want any more kids," she said.

"Me neither. We can use protection," he replied.

"Protection doesn't always work. As you see," she said as she looked over her shoulder in the backseat.

"I know. Honestly I'm ok with that. It's just a quick procedure," he said.

"Glad we are on the same page," she smiled over at him. He pulled into the driveway at the house, they saw the girls swing the door open and hurried out to the car after he cut the ignition off. Amelia was behind them as she came to the car as well.

"Mama can I hold Elliana?" Scarlett immediately said as Meredith barely opened her door.

"Can we get inside first?" She chuckled at her daughter.

"Will you girls help us carry some stuff inside?" Derek asked nicely as he handed each of them a suitcase before grabbing Elliana's car seat.

"Here, let me help," Amelia said as she stepped in and took Elliot's car seat from her. They followed each other inside, the girls sat the stuff down in the foyer.

"Amelia, will you get him out please?" Meredith asked as she was pulling Elliana out of her car seat. She went over to sit and try and feed her.

"Already on it," Amelia said with a large grin across her face. She sat down in the chair and sat in awe as she smiled and played with him. CJ sat quietly as he was watching a movie.

"Hey bud," Derek said as he sat down next to him.

"Hey," he replied while just watching the tv.

"Are you excited to have your brother and sister home?" He asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. He wasn't very interested in it, probably because they didn't do much as far as interacting goes.

"Good," Derek ruffed the boys hair and smiled at him.

"Have you talked to mom?" Amelia asked.

"Not today, I told her I'd call her before she went to bed tonight so she can see them again."

"Oh ok," Amelia nodded.

"So how's it feel?" Amelia asked.

"It's been euphoric. I'm waiting for reality to set in," he chuckled. He knew life was about to get a lot harder.

"Are you guys good here? I'm going to try and pump some," Meredith said as she got up with a milk-drunk Elliana. She was passed out in Meredith's arms.

"Yeah, we got this," Derek happily took the infant from her and laid her on his chest as he sat down.

"So really, how's mom you think?" Amelia asked as the kids were in their own little worlds up in their rooms now.

"I don't know. Lizzie said she's improving. I've never heard mom the way she is though," he sighed.

"I know. I talked to her last week and she actually said she missed me," Amelia chuckled a bit. She and her mother didn't have the same relationship she had with her siblings because of her addiction issues and her constantly pushing her mother away.

"She loves you Ames. I know you guys don't always get along but she would constantly think of you when I lived back home," he said.

"I know. It's just weird. She makes it so weird. Like it's been so long and it feels like my addiction was just yesterday when I'm around her," Amelia started to tear up.

"She has forgave you, we all have. I know I don't say it but I'm really proud Amelia, of how far you've come. You're a wife now and an excellent surgeon," Derek smiled weakly at his sister. It was true, he was glad his sister beat her addiction and became the woman she was today. Anyone who knew her story would be amazed at how strong she was.

"Thank you, some might say I'm a better surgeon than you," she smirked.

"Not a chance," he laughed.