Lessons In Love: Chapter Sixty-Seven: Birds (Part 1)


Steve was sitting on the roof of the apartment that was given to him as a gift. He was looking over Brooklyn, and contemplating several changes in his life. He had the notebook that was given to him by his older self, and he was finally writing down everything that had been going on.

Steve finally realized just how much he had to actually reflect on and process. His life had drastically changed in a day, and the changing just kept going and going.

There was the whole thing with Bucky, leaving the 1930s, the X-Mansion, meeting Tony, and some crazy body transformation just to start.

All of that was insane for him. He sat alone up on that roof, and wrote about it to himself. He remembered his feelings the most. Steve held onto those, above anything else, and he knew exactly where his heart stood on a few things.

Steve originally felt rejected by Bucky. Tony didn't make him feel that way at all. Steve also wasn't thrilled to find out that Bucky lied to him about his feelings. He wasn't sure what to make of it in that moment, but he was unable to tell Bucky no.

He didn't resist his best friend, and Steve was intimate with him once again. The would-be-soldier almost dropped his pen when he started thinking about what he let Bucky to do to him.

Steve grabbed the pen before it rolled off the roof. He held a strong grip on it, and closed his eyes. He almost started writing again, but the loud sounds and sirens pulled the focus from himself. Everything was louder.

Steve kept a fixed gaze on the city, and just quietly looked ahead. Bucky started heading up the fire escape ladder and that blonde snapped to life and cleared his throat.

Bucky looked calm and casual. He seemed very comfortable as he stepped out onto the rooftop. He fixed his hair out of his face as he slowly migrated over toward Steve. Bucky caught him closing up that handy dandy notebook.

Steve closed it up all the time. Bucky didn't think anything of it, for the moment. He sat down beside the blonde and gave him a small smile.

Steve stared at that smile and he noticed how his body felt. It became warmer and he had to pull back from it. He glanced back out at the city, and Bucky's smile turned into a soft laugh.

"Gee golly Steve, you're going to make me pry it out of you?"

Bucky could tell something was up. He knew that blonde like the back of his hand. Let's see... was he, disappointed? Was Steve confused? He didn't look confused. Bucky started thinking that Steve looked a little angry.

Bucky welcomed the anger. He wasn't indifferent at all about Steve's emotions. He cared about Steve more than anyone, but Bucky knew that he could never live up to his expectations.

Steve Rogers naturally followed the golden rule with every single thing that he could possibly do. He didn't even have to think about it. Bucky firmly and proudly did not do any of that.

"Why do you have a separate apartment, if you intend to keep fucking around with me?"

Steve needed to know. He was blunt with his question. He even cursed, and Bucky's smile got a little bigger. It wasn't funny at all for Steve. He stared at that face and waited for some sort of explanation.

Bucky wasn't exactly sure how to answer. The question was a bit of a curve ball for the brunette. His smile remained however, and Bucky gently cleared his throat.

"Are we getting married or something? Is that what you want?"

Did Steve want to build a life with him? That was the gentler version of the question that Bucky thought of. The problem was, he thought of it AFTER he asked it the first way.

Steve looked even more upset. He felt mocked, and those honey blonde fists started clenching up. Bucky shrunk back a bit and he tried to cool off the kettle. The best friends were entering some dangerous and unknown territory, so Bucky decided to lighten his tone.

"That, was a joke. I'm.."

Bucky wanted to say that he was terrible, but he knew that Steve would not accept that response. His hands were almost in Steve's space. He wanted to touch him and turn him close. Bucky decided against that and he gave the situation a lot more thought.

Steve held the same pissed off look on his face. He was actually glaring at Bucky and the OG Brunette was kinda not used to that. He swallowed down his nervous vibes and thought it through.

"I have a separate apartment, because I don't intend to be here. I want to go all over, and I know that you need more than that."

Steve deserved more than that, and he belonged in Brooklyn. Bucky didn't want it to seem like he was planning Steve's life. He just wanted the two of them to have some sort of solid base to stand up on.

Bucky was a lone wolf. Steve understood that, but he didn't understand why it was taking him so long to accept it. He didn't understand why he kept giving in. Steve looked down at his notebook.

"I thought that you could have Tony over whenever you wanted, and start something here. I'd be around between jobs, or whenever the work rotated."

Bucky tried to talk it out. He was still employed through Howard Stark. Howard was currently in New York, but the man travelled all over the world. Bucky admired him, and he spoke with him all the time.

Steve heard what was said. He turned to his right, and looked out at the city again. Bucky kept his eyes on Steve. He thought that the blonde held a bit of a worried expression on his face. Steve's mood had suddenly changed.

Everything felt very complicated, and Steve's mind kept drifting off to Tony. The would-be-soldier thought that he should have only focused on him. He was wrong to love Bucky, and got distracted with everything that he felt. Now, it felt like there was an unfixable rift that had been created.

Steve felt like he lost Tony, and he wasn't sure how to remain friends with Bucky.

"Sounds good Bucky."

Steve gave his friend an honest smile. His heart felt stiff as he stood up, but the would-be-soldier carried on. Steve held his notebook and his pen.

He said something about exploring the city for a week. Bucky listened to him explain that he had to return for one more month of training.

Bucky tried to warn him. He lied to him for a reason. The brunette knew that he hurt Steve when he heard him speak. He watched his best friend head down from the roof, and Bucky stayed behind.

That brunette felt like a gigantic bag of shit.


Chapter: END

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