"Arnie… can we talk?"
Elaine had procrastinated as long as she could, cleaning up the dinner mess. What an uncomfortable meal it had been. Much like the kids going to the ice cream shop, Arnie knew something was up when the kids, supposedly in trouble, were suddenly shuttled off to a sleepover. He wasn't complaining, though. It was nice to have a quiet evening without them.
Looking up from the TV, he grinned, "Always, sweetheart."
Picking up the remote, Elaine turned off the tube, sitting down next to him, hands shaking with nerves.
"What's the matter?" he questioned.
"I… I have no idea how to begin."
"You're making me nervous. What happened?"
"No one's hurt or anything," she assured. "I just don't want to hurt you, and I'm afraid I will."
"I don't know if I like where this is going," he said, looking away.
"Arnie… I can't thank you enough for taking care of us the last few months, dealing with my moodiness and frankly, my self-centeredness."
"Cut to the chase, Elaine," he said firmly. "You're breaking up with me."
Her breath caught a moment. "Please… hear me out."
Arnie stood and paced. "I can't say I'm exactly surprised. I know you're not happy here."
"I hate that it's been so obvious."
He shook his head. "I should have known New York would have brought back trouble. Is that what Alex was doing here? Is he helping you move?"
She shook her head. "He doesn't know I've decided to move back. I know I haven't explained fully yet what happened. I wanted to start with that."
"Does it matter now?"
"Sort of."
"Fine," he grumbled. "Go on."
She explained the scene at the airport along with bits and pieces of her discussion with them that afternoon as well. She explained Alex's letter, a more painful task than she'd anticipated. She explained her confusion and the rut she felt she and Arnie were in together. Above all, she apologized for ever having let things go so far, and for not stepping aside when she should have.
"It was never my intention for any of this to happen. I really don't know how it did. I thought I was ready to move on and leave things behind. I wanted to. I wanted a normal life."
"You'll have that with Alex," Arnie said bitterly.
"I don't know if I should be with anyone right now," she said truthfully. "I don't know what will happen with him. I didn't think I would ever consider it. Not anymore. But I can't in good conscience stay together with you when I'm so uncertain about everything."
"I'm willing to wait it out."
"And what, have me and the kids continue living here and ignore any problems?"
"I have no problem with that."
Elaine sighed and reached out to stroke his cheek. "It's not right. I need to go back to New York. The kids miss their father, too." She shook her head. "Maybe I wouldn't be feeling this way if we'd eased into this slowly. I should have stayed behind and prepared better. I should have given them more time to say goodbye… I don't know. We tried too much too soon between moving in together and changing cities. Nothing's changed in our relationship. I haven't had the mindset to work on it. I didn't realize it until reading Alex's letter."
"You don't have to make excuses," he snapped. "You can admit you're in love with Alex. I should have seen it before."
"It's not an excuse," she said. "It's the truth. It's difficult to explain things with Alex, but my decision isn't centered on him. After all this time I shouldn't be so hung up on the move. You deserve someone who's able to give you the attention you deserve. I resent not being able to be that person."
Arnie was quiet for a while, still pacing around. Elaine watched him quietly, wishing for the right words of solace. When Arnie spoke again, the tension in her shoulders relaxed a bit.
"I guess it isn't fair to put all of this on you. It was obvious as soon as I told you about moving here you didn't want to come."
"I wanted to for you."
"I know," he somewhat smiled. "And that meant a lot to me. But I don't want to be the reason you're unhappy. And you can't say that you didn't put anything into our relationship. I know I've shied away from the whole marriage thing. I don't know why I've tried to avoid that discussion. I know I have."
"Because things have been hectic for you, too," Elaine explained. "You have a lot going on at work and it's a new job. It's a new city for you also."
"I've settled down easier than you have."
"I know. And I'm glad of it. You've changed a lot since we've been here. You're not so bumbling and nervous. I've liked seeing that."
"But not enough to keep you around?" he wondered, hopeless as it was.
"Arnie…"
"I know, I know. I'm making things worse for myself."
"If things were different—"
"I shouldn't have taken the job."
"Don't say that. You needed to do this for yourself."
"But I'm losing you because of it."
Standing up, Elaine walked over to him, stopping him. "I promise, you'll find someone wonderful here."
Arnie scoffed. "You realize you're the first woman to give me a second date since I was a kid? I don't know if you've noticed but I'm not the most attractive man in the world."
"It's your lack of confidence that's unattractive. As I said, you've been surer of yourself the longer we've been here. My reasons for suggesting we break things off are self-centered – and I hate myself for it. Overall, I think we have a stable relationship, but there are things here and there that make problems. I've learned that I'm not the most supportive partner in the world, something I desperately need to improve upon."
"That doesn't seem like enough," he said.
"Do we need to keep going around in circles?" she said with a hint of aggravation.
"What if we got married? Despite my avoidance, I've assumed we would. Someday. Is that what this is about?"
She shook her head. "Only a small part. I've wondered why the thought seems to scare you but marriage won't solve the other problems. There's more to it that I've already explained, New York is the key thing."
"So, if I said I'd move back to New York, would you stay with me?"
Elaine only managed to keep their eye contact for a few seconds before having to look away.
"I don't need to be lied to. I think I deserve the truth," Arnie demanded. "What is it about me that's driven you away? Or admit you want to go back and be with someone else."
"The whole truth?"
"The whole truth," he repeated.
Turning around and pacing now herself, she began. "The truth is that there's a lack of chemistry between us. It's something I've been aware of even before Chicago was even a thought. But I was okay with it... or thought I was. That's the best way I can sum up every piece of this. I haven't been unhappy with you. I haven't been entirely unhappy living in Chicago, either. I'm grateful to have met Gwen and I've learned a lot being in a different sector of the art world. It's been a growing experience for sure. It's also been nice living normally for a change – how I imagined my life would be like when Jason and Jennifer were little. Why I would want to give that up, I'm not really sure. But being back home and with everyone from the garage again… I realized how lucky I've been to have such a strong support group. I feel like I abandoned Simka when she needed me. I remember how uncertain I was when Jason was born. I was away from my family and new to the city and hardly knew anyone outside of my ex-husband's friends. Not that the guys haven't been supportive of Simka, but it's different. She needs me around. And yes, I have to consider Alex, too. I know you must be thinking that he and I have this big history. We don't. Not really. If I could put it into words, I would. He's been there for me through everything since we met. Being away from him I realized what an influence he was on me. He helped with the kids or pushed me through situations I didn't feel I could. I relied on him more than I like to admit to myself. Having that support gone contributed to a lot of my moods here."
Arnie questioned, "Why couldn't you have come to me for support?"
"Either I was worried to upset you or tried and it was brushed off."
"When?"
"The best example that comes to mind is anything involving the kids. When we didn't know what was going on with Jennifer, you left it to me. And I get it, that role intimidates you. It's just that sometimes I need outside help. I did tell you when we moved in together that I wanted your input when things arose with them. You're wonderful with the fun things, and they are heartbroken to be leaving you here, but we're past the fun part. The older they get, the more challenging raising them will be. Already they go to you when I'm being strict. Jason knew not to go to the park today. I don't blame you as I hadn't had the chance to tell you what happened and I don't know if Jennifer said the same thing to you as she did to me. It's just an example."
Arnie couldn't deny his passive response to things, still, he said, "I wish this wasn't the way you were telling me."
"Me, too… I honestly didn't realize. Not in a way I could put into words."
"If the kids know, there's really no changing your mind, is there?"
Pursing her lips, Elaine answered, "I'm afraid not."
"Well…" he mumbled. "I guess it's better to find out now than whenever we did get married."
"I am so incredibly sorry." Hugging him, she finished, "I do love you, and please, believe me when I say part of me doesn't want to leave. But it's what I need to do. I've tried working through this. So hard." Pulling back, she shook her head. "I wanted to make this work."
"So did I."
"And I'm sorry I never spoke to you about any of this before. I didn't want to worry you if there wasn't a need for it. Now I guess I should have."
Arnie sighed. "I knew something was going on but I wasn't sure what. I didn't want to know, so I didn't ask. I guess I knew what it was, though I didn't expect to hear you might be interested in someone else. Least of all someone I knew."
"If there's any way I can make it up to you… I know you went out of your way financially for this place, too."
Waving his hand, he said, "Forget about it. It was worth it while it lasted."
"I'm sorry."
"Do I get to say goodbye to the kids?"
"Of course," she said sadly. "They wouldn't leave without doing so."
"Good."
"Would you rather I leave now? I can stay at Gwen's. It's going to take a couple of days to pack up and everything… I can do it when you're at work."
"No," Arnie said quickly. "Please stay tonight."
"Okay…"
"And would you stay here while you pack? I'll sleep on the couch or something. Just for a few more days with you and the kids."
Surprised it'd taken this long for her tears to surface, she cried, "Won't that make it more difficult for you?"
"Probably," he answered. "But it will let me wrap my mind around it before the house is empty."
"I owe you that much."
"I can't believe this is it."
"I wish you so much happiness, Arnie. I wouldn't trade this past year and a half for anything."
"Neither would I," he solemnly agreed.
