Chapter Sixty-Seven
Holy Decree
Fenris was holding me and stroking my hair when I woke up the next evening – I had slept all damn day. He noticed me wake and asked, "You've never cowered before your mates before."
"My mates may have yelled but they didn't yell at me in anger before." I muttered as I tightened my grip on him.
"… Fair enough. I find it quite difficult to not kill him."
"Please don't – I love him," I whispered.
"That is all that holds me back each time he hurts you – I hate seeing the look in your eyes…"
Hawke walked in without knocking – Rain on his heels. I shot them a look, "Hawke… were you raised in a barn?"
"Close enough to one – why?"
"You just leave the door open so often that I have to assume you have a tail that you worry is going to get slammed in the door if you close it," I snarked.
Rain sniggered, "I'm glad you're feeling better… Lady Leliana had commandeered Ser Cullen for sparring."
I paled, "Poor Cullen – Leliana isn't going to leave much of him unbruised."
Hawke grinned, "Your lord brother is supervising – and quite loudly asked me to come check on you this morning. Cullen fumbled and… last I saw, he was nursing a black eye and a split lip."
I sighed, "Well… Rain, if he allows it, will you heal him later?"
"He is still my prince unless he rejects the bond – of course I will. King Alistair called this morning though – and I could not do any less than tell him what transpired. The Dragon King… was very not happy. I have been instructed to let him suffer unless you asked otherwise." Rain smirked at me.
"Well, I instruct – I can't stand to let people suffer if I can help it and especially not people I love."
Fenris snorted, "That he is still enjoying his life is a testament to that."
I wrinkled my nose, "Can you not threaten him to me please? At least… if you must threaten him, do it where I cannot hear it?"
Fenris kissed my temple – since the first kiss, he was quite open with his kisses it seemed – and said, "Very well; I will do so to his face in the future."
I purred and reached toward Hawke, "Come snuggle with us… I like snuggling."
"So I recall," he remarked as he slipped his shirt off – keeping only the pants on. Fenris shot me a look with a lifted eyebrow. I flushed, "I… may have snuggled with Hawke when his family let us stay at their little home in Lothering for a few days… I mean… we didn't do anything other than hug and snuggle…"
Fenris chuckled, "If it kept the nightmares at bay, then I cannot complain."
"It did – I just only wore a nightgown and he wore only a pair of pants?"
"Well – considering you hardly knew me when we started sharing a bed naked then I must say that is more than acceptable."
Hawke slid into the bed now that his shoes and shirt and other things were gone. Rain tilted his head and smirked before lifting his voice just a hair, "Your Majesty – should we prepare a royal title for Ser Hawke?"
I furrowed my brows before I heard Cullen curse halfway down the hall. Aedan and Leliana were with him when they came into view of the open door. I went bright red, "Rain, please don't be an arse… Cullen, are you willing to receive healing for… whatever my beloved sister has done to you?"
Cullen looked away, "Not… at the moment… I recall you wearing a bit more a little bit ago, Serah Hawke…"
"Ara asked me to snuggle and my armor is a bit… pointed. She likes to snuggle," Hawke looked quite comfortable with his arm over my hips. I was wearing only one of Rains' shirts for some reason… I had passed out halfway to the room last night so I wasn't sure.
Aedan snorted, "I'm well aware – didn't you two share a bed back in Lothering last year?"
Hawke smirked, "We did – tough we didn't get very far."
"Anyway – er… I wanted to apologize for my actions, Lady… Theirin… I would never have hit you, but I can understand how it might have looked… I… I let my temper run ahead of me and acted out of turn."
"I do understand, Cullen – I impeded your duty as a Templar by hiding Hawkes' magic even though he was living in the same house as you for almost a week. I never told you that Bethany was a mage – though she was a Warden Conscript so you couldn't have done anything about her had you known. You also know I keep a Warden Mage in my basement and that he actively uses his magic. And then you found out I had what seemed to be Magic and… you couldn't handle it. You keep reliving what happened at Kinlock when you see me use it, don't you?"
He flinched, "I… not exactly; not in the way you're thinking."
Fenris scoffed, "Then how, Knight-Captain?"
"When I first saw her, she came into the cage where I had been imprisoned. That cage would have nullified magic since it was made to imprison both mages and Templars. She seemed so unconcerned to come in there – so I guessed right then that she had no magic. In there, she gave me food and drink to replenish my strength – at that point, I hadn't eaten a week or had a drink in two days… it was all about when they felt like feeding us; a way to control us. She ran her fingers through my hair and spoke softly to me – like she was afraid that talking any louder might startle me. She reassured me by telling me that she had been tortured too – she warned me about the nightmares I would face… and she made me see that I wasn't alone. And after it was over, she pulled me aside and allowed me my moment of not wanting to be touched by magic by sewing me up with her own two hands. What I keep thinking of is that moment – when it was all over and she gave me that smile and said she accepted payment in the form of hugs. I'm… trying to see her as… as not a magic user but… a person. I am trying to see the mages as people again – because at the moment, I can't look at a mage and see anything but when Uldred turned into an abomination. I'm trying to use the good moments I've seen with Ara to overcome what I've gone through… but so far, I can't."
I looked away and snuggled deeper into Fenris' chest, "I get it, Cullen – it took me 3 years of therapy to allow my then boyfriend to have sex with me after what I went through. I was already married to my gay ex-husband and had discovered he was gay – hence why he was so understanding about my aversion to sex with men at the time. My boyfriend – Donnie or… well, he had a nickname that makes no sense if you don't the context – was patient with me and reassured me every step of the way that he didn't view me as broken. And still – the first time I had sex with him and he got me off… I had a panic attack mid-orgasm. He stopped at once – backed right off – but I couldn't stop crying and seeing their faces. So yes – I get your aversion to magic and have no plans to make you do things you aren't ready for. In fact, I feel like a bitch for ever starting a relationship with you when you have this trauma and I have what even I call magic. It took me more than one year to get even close to past that and I had a therapist from the moment I left slavery to the moment I… left America. And as you saw on the damn boat – I relapsed into thinking I was worthless again when I had been out of therapy for too long. It's been 8 years now since I was a slave – 8 years, Cullen… and I still have nightmares, flashbacks and occasionally flinch away from men touching me. You may never completely get past what happened to you; I never did. I know – I was a slave for a decade and a half and you only had two weeks of torture… but amount of time doesn't matter in a trauma. Yours was compounded by the fact that you were also withdrawing without your Lyrium. You can't rush recovery – the mind will heal in its own time. If it takes you a decade or more to see us as people again… then it happens."
Aedan frowned, "But what about you, Ara – you are bending over backwards to please him, but you're hurting…"
I snorted, "So what, Aedan? I've always hurt. But I am not going to force anything on one of the men I love just because I'm hurting. And if he finds someone else he loves – even though I know he's like Alistair in that he will only ever be with one woman at any given time – then it happens. Love cannot be forced – all I want is for the people I love to be happy."
Fenris was stroking my hair as Hawke drew little swirls on my hip.
Cullen looked slightly awed but said nothing.
Leliana came over, "I believe we had a deal, dearest?"
I sat up excitedly, "I always look forward to when I can get kisses from you, my dear."
Aedan grumbled – but he didn't stop Leliana from leaning in to take my face in her hands as she leaned over Fenris to kiss me deeply. I was stunned when she deepened the kiss – tongue and all!
I sighed happily when she pulled away. I smiled at her, "One day, my dear – I might convince you to marry me."
She laughed with her tinkling-bell like laugh and straightened up, "But I believe Aedan might not like that!"
I smirked, "Oh, he would grumble and complain – but he wouldn't stop you if you really wanted to…"
Aedan looked away with a flush. All the men in the room looked flushed actually.
I pouted, "Why is everyone looking at us like that?"
Leliana smirked, "It is usually mens' fantasy to see two lovely women in bed together – and then join them."
"Oh… and it's the reverse for most women… that's one reason I picked Hawke. He's bi – like Fenris. I'm hoping to see the two of them together."
Fenris chuckled, "Not until after I sleep with you – and that won't be for… some time."
"About two more years, give or take; when you rip Hadrianas' heart from her chest after she tells you about your sister," I said casually. He jerked upright, "Hadriana?"
"Uh-huh – you won't feel better, but… she is slated to die then by your hand." I crawled into his lap like a cat… like I would with Alistair.
His arms came around me as his markings glowed and he buried his face in my hair. No one else dared to say a word as he tried to calm himself. I allowed a deep purr to rumble in my chest – it always soothed Alistair…
And yeah – it appeared to work. Hawke coughed, "Do we… want to know who this woman is?"
Fenris growled without answering so Hawke said, "Right – take that as a no for now. Hey sweetheart – you know we're supposed to have dinner with the Divine in about two hours right?"
I shrugged – too wrapped up in the feel of Fenris' arms around me as I snuggled closer. I liked that my mates were touchy with me. Aedan laughed, "I said it once, and I'll say it again – you are certainly part dog. You love being petted and held and touched. I swear there was never a moment when we sat during the Blight that you weren't in Alistairs' lap."
I stuck out my tongue, "The Assassin did try to get me in his lap once…"
Aedan shuddered, "Poor Zev…"
Leliana giggled, "I had never seen Alistair move so fast before – even when during that mission with the spiders in Lothering."
Hawke sputtered, "You mean when he moved like 'a graceful dancer with how easily he dodged poison spit'?" Hawke had perfectly mimicked Leliana.
She nodded, "Oh yes – he had Ara moved behind him and Zevran laid out on the ground in less time than it took for me to blink just once."
I hummed, "It's a Fae thing – we love being touched. I hug, kiss, shake hands, spar with, or even bump into people just to get my fix of being touched when my mates don't hold me. it's rater easy since my guards, Rain, Katt and Obsidian also have this need so… sometimes we all just lay in one big pile – like puppies."
Fenris sighed, "I have witnessed this – it usually occurs in the library while I am practicing my reading and writing."
Cullen flushed, "So… that is what I walked in on with… with Galaxia?"
I nodded, "Yeah – she and I were snuggling for our touchy-feely addiction… what did you think was happening?"
"I-I er… well… before you told me you were the Queen, I sort of thought… Galaxia was since I thought you were… mated to the Queen…"
"Oh… Oh – you thought she and… you thought you walked in on a lovers' moment?"
He nodded – his face a glowing red and I swore I could feel the heat all the way across the room, "I uh… yes."
Hawke sighed, "That would be a cute pairing – fire born and a water sylph. Opposites attract, right?"
I sniggered and motioned between Leli and me, "This right here is the fantasy of one of my future companions – two red-heads. Oh, he loves the Red-Heads."
Fenris stiffened, "You can't mean The Iron Bull."
"I happen to think he's really awesome. He'll end up with a Tevinter Altus named Dorian Pavus."
Fenris shot rigid, "Dorian… Pavus?"
I nodded, "Gayer than my last hair-dresser with a better fashion sense than half of Orlais and a voice that might make some people swoon. Oh his hatred of Blood Magic is stronger than yours even. When his father tries to use it to make Dorian change his mind about marrying a woman… Dorian leaves to join my group. Worse still – Magister Halward Pavus is the one that instilled that hatred of Blood Magic into Dorian. Dorian will actively hate anyone that uses it and he'll be researching a cure to Blight Sickness. His friend will be tainted 9:35 Dragon and still be alive in 9:41 Dragon to give you a thought of his success… Felix Alexius will inevitably still die of the taint though since Dorian could only get so far."
Fenris frowned, "I know of Altus Dorian… if you say he is this way then… I will reserve my judgement of him for now."
Cullen coughed, "I er…"
I waved a hand, "You're forgiven, Cullen – you couldn't know that I would react like that… it's been 2 years since that sort of thing happened to me. It only happens with men I care about; because of who my masters were. If anyone else yelled at me in anger and clenched their fists, I'd go on the defensive but not break down like that. I told you – I love you. I knew – logically – that you weren't going to hit me; but subconsciously, I just… reacted. I'm sorry that I worried you all – I didn't think to warn anyone about it."
"You shouldn't have had to – none of us should be yelling at the one woman trying her best to make everyone happy." Hawke said drily.
"Well… not everyone," I muttered, thinking of Meredith.
I saw Cullens' lip twitch, "The Knight-Commander would never have been happy with you even if you were a human noble with no magic and next in-line to be Divine. I hear that the woman sees much of herself in me and has declared me to be like a son to her."
I opened my moth a few times before sighing, "That makes sense actually. She was made Knight-Captain in 9:14 and just 7 years later she was Knight-Commander. Her older sister Amelia developed magical talents but her family decided to shield her from the Chantry. The Stannards didn't have the knowledge or the skill to train Amelia as a mage, of course, and… well, she was discovered. When Amelia saw the Templars coming for her she was so scared that she made a deal with a demon and turned into an abomination, killing everyone in her family save for Meredith… she knows what you went through and somewhat sympathizes."
Cullen was gaping, "Maker…"
Hawke summed, "That explains her harsh view of mages, but at the same time…"
"I know – 30 years have passed since that incident. And unfortunately, things are going to escalate with her. I thought she didn't like me because I associate with the Fae and Anders – to find out it was originally because she thought of you as a son… I didn't see that coming."
Aedan laughed, "I do love that you can still be surprised."
"Alistair said the same damn thing, you know." I muttered. I didn't entirely like surprises; I just kept that a secret because Alistair liked surprising me with nice things like flowers and gifts and… I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise.
There were chuckles all through the room. Cullen cleared his throat, "Well… I er… I will meet you all in the dining hall…"
And he made his escape without another word. Aedan frowned, "Well… that wasn't much of an apology. He didn't even say anything about…"
"It was one of the best apologies I've gotten – still better than your poor excuse after Redcliffe when you outed my 'magic' to Irving and you thought everything was fine when I didn't yell at you after we talked about Alistairs' and my relationship."
Aedan flushed – this prompted questions from Hawke as I had left this part out of the retelling to Varric. Leliana went into a full-detail retelling of that night and the next morning.
Hawke shot Aedan a nasty glare while Fenris pulled me closer and whispered, "And all is forgiven… now?"
I nodded, "Leliana chewed him a new one so big that he groveled on his knees later on."
I hopped out of his lap and went in search of clothes – picking a knee-length black dress with white sparkles and a tu-tu style skirt. It was paired with back leggings and silver strappy heels. The long gloves that I favored drew attention to the spaghetti straps and Dragon Jewels. I put my hair into an elaborate half-up do with braids and left half flowing and waved. Hawke groaned – I had changed without a care for who was in the room. Aedan hadn't been looking since he was busy looking through his bag for something.
When Aedan glanced up, he sputtered, "When did you…? Why did…? Makers' Arse, Ara – I'm standing right here!"
I shrugged, "So? For one thing, you weren't looking; for another, even if you had looked, you would have looked away at once. I'm shameless and don't care… it's just flesh."
"But… Hawke, and Rain… they saw…"
I rolled my eyes, "Rain won't dare to look at me – Katt would have his balls squeezed very tightly in her hands if he did so and it wasn't related to healing. Unless he plans to join me as a mate, Rain isn't stupid enough to even glance at another woman because Katt is one of the few Fae that experience the need to stake a claim. As for Hawke, he's my stand in – he's been invited to my bed for snuggles and if Cullen leaves me for good, then Hawke is going to be my Air mate. Alistair and Fenris have already given me permission to sleep with him at least once – though Hawke and I have discussed that and feel it might be best to use as a last resort to get Cullens' head out of his arse. And if I do that, then I hope it's after we take care of Hadriana because I'd like to invite Fenris for round two."
"I don't need to hear that! You're my sister, Ara!" Aedan covered his ears. I shrugged and glanced at Hawke, "You are okay with this whole situation… right?"
He nodded looking fierce, "Oh yeah – even if I never actually share your bed. Cullen hurt you very badly, Sweetheart. If I can help get that pain out of your eyes then I will… I swore to you that I would pledge you my eternal loyalty for saving my family – and you saved both my siblings; one of them twice. You still plan to save my mother you said. Use me if you want, Sweetheart – I won't mind and Bela has said she finds it hot; she'll want to compare notes if I do share your bed, but otherwise…"
Rain looked stumped, "Wait – you pledged your loyalty to her?"
"Sealed it with a kiss that almost cost me my head when Al found out," Hawke gave a cheeky grin.
Rain laughed for a moment before saying, "Then you realize… you're a citizen of Danu; Fae or not, you pledged your loyalty to the Queen. And with your capacity here, I'd say that nets you the title of her personal bodyguard."
I rolled my eyes, "Take it up with the council – for now, we have a dinner to get to."
We got to the Dining Hall – Cullen looked awkward as the Divine had nudged him to sit at her table… he was still considered a Prince of Danu unless he rejected me.
The Divine had passed me a paper and I looked it over.
By decree of her Most Holy, Divine Beatrix III,
Garrett Hawke of Kirkwalls' noble Amell family has been pardoned from the Circles on request of the Angel Empress, the Queen of Danu and Queen of Ferelden, Arvaala Theirin. For his participation in keeping the Queen safe and aiding her in ending the Blight, this request was granted.
Scribed by Grand Cleric Elemena of Ferelden
Signed Divine Beatrix III; Right Hand Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast
I hummed and passed it to Hawke, "This is yours, my dear. You have my thanks, Your Perfection."
She smiled. Cullen had a flush creeping up his neck, "Serah Hawke – I must also extend my apologies to you; I have said some unkind things about mages… directly to your face."
I heard a few people around us cough. I lifted an eyebrow, "Are you talking about that 'mages cannot be treated as people' thing?"
He nodded, "I er… had I realized that Hawke was a mage… I think I may have said worse at the time. I greatly deserved the slap you delivered to me, my lady… though I do wish it hadn't caused the knowledge of your past to spread through Kirkwall…"
"My past as a sex slave was never hidden, Cullen. As long as the knowledge of who my masters had been, I can't be too upset. It was pretty common knowledge back home anyway."
The Divine cut in and asked, "You were… a sex slave? Danu allows such…?"
"Oh, I'm not from Danu, actually – I'm from another place called America. And Slavery was never allowed in Danu. It was illegal where I was from too, but… that didn't stop it from happening. And anyway, like I said, I never tried to hide my past. Sure, I didn't want it to come out because I had a meltdown and slapped Cullen in the gallows asking if he saw me as property because I used to be a sex slave… but whatever. What is meant to be, will be – I had no intention on telling you about my visions, but a forced one in front of you revealed that anyway."
"You intended to keep that a secret?" Cassandra asked looking a bit put off.
I nodded, "I'm no Andraste, Cassandra. Obviously, my visions can be prevented – as Divine Beatrix III her showed by putting the writ in that allows for members of the faith to have romantic relations though it was meant to be done two Divines in the future. I do know quite a bit of you; my visions do include the past and present as well."
Hawke smirked, "I wouldn't have known that my dad was part of the Kirkwall Gallows if you hadn't told me."
"Woah – what; the gallows," Cassandra asked. I nodded, "Yes – and yes you would, Hawke. You found those letters from Malcom to the Templar that let him go. Your brother was named after him, so you knew when you went to talk to Tobrius. Malcom Hawke – Enchanter of the Gallows before becoming an apostate and having three children with Leandra Amell… two of whom were mages themselves. Bethany and her twin, Carver, are now Grey Wardens and Hawke here is a citizen of Danu in good standing enough to be the personal bodyguard to the Queen. As I said – what is meant to be will be. If Malcom hadn't left the Gallows, then Hawke would not be around to stop a specific fate befalling Kirkwall. I can't interfere if I don't want 23 infants in Kirkwall to die. There is always a price for life. I will do what I can, but I will not sacrifice babies for stuffy old nobles."
The Divine hummed, "That is… interesting to know."
I looked at Dorothea and back to Beatrix with a smirk, "You've already chosen your successor, haven't you?"
"I have… why?"
"You will die of natural causes in early 9:34 Dragon – I wanted to be sure you were ready," I leaned down and took a bite of the sandwich I had been served.
Cassandra flinched, "Natural causes?"
"Unpreventable – the next Divine will be controversial but needed. Without her… well, there will be worse consequences to the secret the Seekers keep."
"What secret?" Cassandra looked genuinely confused. I hummed, "You aren't meant to know until 9:41 Dragon; it is a secret that only the Lord or Lady Seeker knows."
"I-I will be…" she looked so lost.
"No – not at the time, anyway; I promised Leliana songs. Can I use that piano over there?"
The Divine nodded so I headed over and made sure it was in tune.
I began playing – Hallelujah
I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
It was quiet in the hall. When the song ended, I went into the next; Amazing Grace. And with this one, Rain and Hawke joined in as 'choir' in the background.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I am found
Was blind, but now I see
Leliana hugged me when I sat back down beside her, "That was beautiful – were those worshiping the god from the main religion or…?"
"Yes – God was the inspiration behind those songs."
This prompted me to explain Christianity to the Divine. She remarked at how similar it was to the Chant of Light.
I felt my bag buzz and scrambled to pull out my Ley Line and answer it.
Alistairs' smile greeted me, "Hello, my love – are you okay?"
"I am – why do you ask?" I smiled back; knowing my smile was sappy.
"Well, I heard what happened last night. If I see Cullen I will be introducing him to my fist."
"You will do no such thing, Alistair Theirin; you wouldn't want me nursing him back to health on our wedding night, after all."
"Ah… okay, you win. I'll leave him alone. I've been informed that your dress is ready and I am about to go for a fitting for my suit. How are things there?"
"I accidentally outed my ability to see the future but received full support from the Divine as a result. We're good to be married."
"And I will be personally attending," the Divine remarked with a sly grin.
"Who…?" Alistair asked.
I moved my Mirror so he could see and said, "Alistair, meet the Divine – Your Perfection, this is Dragon King Alistair."
I heard Alistair scramble to catch his mirror and cried, "Y-Your Perfection… I-I…"
"It will be okay if I attend, yes?" the Divine asked. I could see Cassandra sniggering and Leliana smirking.
"O-Of Course, Most Holy – I will make preparations…"
I interrupted, "She could stay in that room I fixed up with showers and such just for such an occation."
"You knew that she would come?" Alistair pouted. I shook my head, "No – but I knew the Divine after the next would for sure. If I knew we would have such Exalted company for our wedding, I would have told you ages ago so that you could have properly prepared."
"Okay," he said with a smile.
"You believe her… just like that?" Cassandra asked. I smirked, "Did I forget to mention that Fairies can't tell lies? If we believe something to be true, we cannot say otherwise. Oh, we can mislead like no one else and you can assume things and we don't correct you. I could tell you the sky is black – because it is past the Ozone Layer that reflects the sunlight and makes a blue sky in the day. Cullen asked if I was the Queens' lover once – and I couldn't stop myself from smiling in amusement. After that, he assumed I was – when I had never said such a thing. So no – we can't tell an outright lie… but that isn't to say that everything that comes from our mouths is the absolute truth. We have to believe what we are saying."
This was one thing I had debated on if I should tell them. I chose to do it because most people wouldn't believe it.
"Is that so…?" one man asked. I knew at once that he didn't believe it and almost smirked again.
I shrugged, "Believe as you will – anyway; my party will be heading out tomorrow to get the final preparations for my wedding done. I can't wait to see you Alistair – I miss you."
"And I miss you too. I can't wait for the day we… well, you know," he smiled sappily. I giggled, "A month and a half after the wedding, my dear – that will be when we can."
I saw confusion on several faces. Leliana finally asked, "What are you talking about?"
"Having kids – I'm fertile once every 3 months and without the precautions, it's a 100% chance. I want to try again – so…"
"You know when you… are able?" Cassandra asked.
"It plays into my visions – though Danu has tests for fertility and ovulation readily available."
"We might pay for such things…" the Divine said. I shrugged, "We can talk about that later – I'm tired again and have a long journey ahead of me starting tomorrow."
Fenris took his cue and offered me his arm – Hawke asked, "Can I join in the snuggling tonight?"
Fenris shrugged, "If you are coming, then come."
Hawke leapt up to follow.
