"So, what am I supposed to do? Just disregard her wishes and force my way into the delivery room?" He scoffed, shaking his head lightly as he glanced toward the darkened window and then back at Charlie.
"That's what the old Sam would have done, isn't it?" He smirked, as though he was thinking of a fond memory. "From what I've heard you were a thorn in her side for her entire pregnancy with Grace, barging into the delivery room uninvited even back then. Did you give up this easily with Grace?"
"It's different this time-"
"Yes, you're right, it is. You're in a relationship this time around. You have an obligation to be there, for her and for your baby. You and you alone are her support system, she has no parents, no siblings. Just you." His words were almost fairytale-like, as though he was on old wise wizard offering advice to the young, naive characters. There was a long few moments of silence following his words, perhaps close to a minute as he thought deeply.
"You always did have a way with words, didn't you?" Swiftly grabbing his phone he gave the veteran nurse a thankful pat on his upper arm as his body was kicked into overdrive. "Get the nurse to update me half-hourly with Grace's obs and tell her I'll pop down every so often to check on her as well."
"Of course I will." He nodded, a sense of accomplishment washing over him like a warm wave as he watched the frantic father-to be tightening his tie and making way for the door. "And Sam, don't screw it up again otherwise I might have to start charging you for my advice." He let out a hearty chuckle as Sam flashed a smile back and in a blink, he was gone.
His strides became larger and larger the closer he got to the birthing suite, his palms tacky and his heart racing dramatically at the thought of his second daughter being born within the next few hours. All he'd ever wanted with his children was to be a part of their lives, that included watching them come into the world. This was a moment to be celebrated, for more than one reason and he almost lost all of it because of his thoughtless behaviour. Something he was never going to let happen again.
"I'm glad to see you came back." Diane smiled as she clocked him entering the room gingerly, he was awaiting the abuse from Connie to be hurled his way but to his surprise she was asleep. "She's fine, she hasn't slept but she's managing to snooze between contractions. It's not much but at least it's better than no sleep at all." Their eyes met briefly, Sam looked to be saying thank you with his expression. Almost as if all words had escaped him. "I'll leave you two alone, she'll probably start to stir soon." Reaching the doorway behind him, she paused to study the back of his head. His suit wrinkled from being sat in it for so long. "I can get you some scrubs if you like? I can't imagine that suit is the most comfortable thing to be wearing."
"Thanks, that'd be great." He finally spoke, not moving any closer towards Connie. His voice had a nervous tremble to it, not at the thought of facing an angry Connie but at the events of the night and what they were leading up to. His daughter would be born soon, he'd just lost a baby son and his teenaged daughter lay in a critical situation in need of this transplant. He was undoubtedly feeling overwhelmed but it only fuelled him into thinking about how much strain all of this was on Connie right now, her mind needed to be completely focused on labour and delivery to make sure things went as smoothly as possible.
That's why he came back.
He was her only support system, no matter what hurtful and angry words she threw his way. Charlie was right. He couldn't let her down now, not after everything that happened this evening in his absence. He needed to show her, once and for all, that he was serious about this.
"I'll fetch them back when I do her next set of obs." Her answer shook him from his deep thoughts and with one final smile she left them alone. The senior nurse was honestly relieved when he'd returned. If there was anything she struggled to see in her job, it was a woman giving birth alone.
His eyes continued to study her frame as she snoozed lightly, she was laying on her left-hand side facing him with the foetal monitor strapped securely around her middle. The comforting sound of their baby's steady heartbeat filling the space between them. He marvelled at her in the silence as he tentatively made his way over to the chair by her bed. Lowering into it tiredly, he couldn't help but yawn before rubbing his hands over his face. It was nearing half three in the morning and he'd had only a couple hours of sleep so far, by the sounds of it Connie had probably had even less.
"Shall I wake him?" Dianne asked gently as she pulled her stethoscope head away from Connie's bump. She'd risen from her short-lived slumber when another contraction rippled through her . It wasn't as bad as the ones she'd experienced earlier, nonetheless it was bothersome enough to warrant moving around. Luckily, Dianne had come back with Sam's scrubs to do another set of obs on Connie a few moments after her contraction had began. She could see that her labouring patient wanted to move around to manage a her own pain and thus offered to remove the abdominal foetal monitor and switch to a form of telemetry monitoring instead. This way it was strapped to Connie's thigh and still allowed her to move around more freely whilst simultaneously keeping tabs on her baby's heart rate. Holby was one of the few hospitals to have this monitoring technique available.
"No." She breathed steadily, swaying as she leant on the bed railing whilst the pain started to slowly subside. "Just leave him." Her tired eyes landed on his crumpled up frame in the chair. A part of her was happy he'd come back, she honestly didn't want to face this alone but the larger and more stubborn part of her wanted to tell him to leave again. He was dead to the world anyway, sleeping right through some of her more panted breathing as well as Dianne moving equipment around and doing an internal examination to see how dilated she was. The answer to that? Not very."
"You sure? He was really worried about you earlier-"
"He can't have been that worried, otherwise he'd have been here hours before I was induced." She let one last exhale out slowly before standing more upright. "How long before Dr Goldman suggests alternative measures?" Changing the topic back to her current situation, she locked eyes nervously with the kind-hearted nurse.
"I know you're concerned about the approaches being taken towards this delivery but Dr Goldman would only suggest methods that he truly believes will benefit the situation." She smiled as reassuringly as she could. "Whatever it takes to make sure your baby is delivered as safely as possible."
"Every aspect of this birth has been out of my control." She stated matter-of-factly, her tone stern but her facial expression sad. "I just don't want any more interfering, the pitocin is all I want. She's already being pulled from me before she's even ready, I don't need any more prodding or poking."
"Like I said, I'll continue with your half hourly obs, so if I can see things are moving along nicely then that's all you might need." Her sentence ended with an abrupt feeling, causing Connie to raise her brows.
"But?"
"But you are dilating slower than we'd hoped, that could change with the pitocin though." She attempted to put a positive spin on the end of her sentence. "In the meantime, just keep doing what you're doing. At least you're a little more free to move around now." She sanitised her hands whilst looking at the monitor attached to Connie's thigh. She'd even listen with her stethoscope just to ensure the reading was correct.
"Thanks for tracking it down." She smiled tiredly before her attention was grabbed by the black duffel bag on the spare chair in the corner of the room. "Who brought that in?"
"Oh yes! I'm sorry, I completely forgot." Rushing over to it, her greying hair moved gently behind her ears as she did so. "It's your hospital bag, Sam's mother dropped in about an hour ago with it, she said when she got home she realised you wouldn't have had it with you." Sitting it on the end of the bed she unzipped it carefully. "She said you'd packed it a few days ago? Good timing." Her eyes flickered up to Connie's.
"Yeah, my subconscious obviously knew something I didn't." She let a very weary laugh escape her as she blinked slowly. "Maybe I can get out of this awful gown now."
"There's an idea." She laughed heartily. "You need a hand getting undressed?" Offering sweetly, she watched her pulling out a more comfortable set of clothing from the bag.
"No, no I think I can manage thanks."
"Well, call me if you need anything before I'm back in half an hour." She rubbed her arm. "There's some scrubs there for Sam too when he wakes up, thought he might like to get out of that suit at some point this evening." The two exchanged one last smile before she left them in quietness once more. Connie couldn't help fixing her stare on Sam as he slept peacefully. He looked so out of it, he hadn't so much as moved since she'd woken up. It was four in the morning now and she was just desperate to get some sleep.
On a more positive note, her new set of clothes were far more relaxed than those hideous backless gowns, she was now clad in an extremely large and over-sized black t-shirt. It must have been a size XXXXXL, at the very least. It was like a large night-shirt on her small frame but that's exactly what she was going for, something incredibly roomy but also something that would keep her well covered throughout the labour process. Her contractions were still very mild for now, occurring every twenty to twenty-five minutes with a small but bearable amount of pain. Of course she knew that would change, hence her active decision to try and sleep as much as she could now. If only she could nod off as easily as Sam had, things would be a lot easier. Slowly breathing her way through another contraction, she waited for the discomfort to ease off before settling herself against the pillows in the bed. Despite her mind and body being absolutely shattered, her brain wouldn't switch off. She couldn't stop thinking about Grace and what would happen following the birth of this baby. Slouching down a little further, she turned on to her left side again to face Sam as she smoothed her left palm over her bump soothingly whilst her thoughts continued to race.
Her attempts at sleeping were a solid effort but her kip was interrupted numerous times by Dianne doing her thirty minute obs and dilation checks as well as each mild contraction she had forcing her awake until finally, at seven in the morning, she was properly awoken with a far stronger contraction and was unable to drift off again. Sadly, Dianne's shift ended as soon as daylight hit and instead she now had a middle-aged nurse of a similar stature attending to her.
"Alright, love." Her strong Welsh accent almost sang over her whilst her eyes were still adjusting to the light. As soon as she'd started to stir in what appeared to be more pain than she'd had so far, Sam had slipped off to find this new nurse, Evelyn. She felt positively hungover with how disrupted her sleep had been. "Once this contraction has passed we need to get some food down you, alright?" She placed a tray on the slide over table as Connie became more aware of her surroundings. Sam was trying to shuffle the food around to make it fit better on the tray as the nurse proceeded to click the bed railing down. "How are we feeling this morning, hm?"
"Awful." She panted tiredly as she sat herself up, the obvious wince in her face made Sam ache all over. He couldn't cope with this feeling of being useless and just having to watch her suffer. It didn't seem right that nature should work like that, the female enduring so much physical and emotional pain whilst the male just sits idly by, offering the odd comforting touch here and there.
"I'll get you something to help take the edge off in a minute, but first I need to see you eat something and finish that cup of water, alright?" She excused the lack of response as she watched her groan on a long and shaky exhale as the contraction eased. Her eyebrows were pulled together, displaying her obvious unsettlement. "That's it, take a nice deep breath." She smiled, her red chubby cheeks only accentuated her jolly and whole-hearted personality. So far, she'd been lucky with getting such nice nurses.
"Here." Sam moved the plate towards her worriedly. They hadn't spoken yet and he was treading extremely carefully to try and avoid angering her. To his utter surprise, she made brief eye contact with him as she grabbed the plate delicately.
"Thank you." Swallowing tiredly, she kept the plate in her right hand as she used her left to try and push herself up on the bed into a more comfortable sitting position. Sam smiled down at her before taking a seat again.
"Now, last time our lovely Dianne checked, you were only four centimetres dilated so we've still got a little way to go." She rolled her lips together sympathetically upon noting the disappointed and exhausted look on Connie's face. "Dr Goldman will pop in before noon to see how you're going, I think there's a possibility he'll want to artificially rupture your waters to help move things along if the process continues to progress this slowly." Her small and defeated nod was a clear indication she was upset at the prospect. "I'll come back in half an hour and check again, when I return I want to see an empty plate and cup." She moved the blanket back over her gently upon completing her checks. "I hear you two are a little fiery tempered." She raised her brows with a knowing smile on her face. "Names get around in this place, you know? Let's keep things calm in here, alright?" With that, she left the room, a trail of strong perfume lingering once she'd gone. There was a stark silence until Connie reluctantly opened her mouth to speak.
"How's Grace?"
"She's fine." He answered quickly, relieved she was the first one to talk. "I woke up at about five and went to check on her, she was awake, waiting very impatiently for breakfast but she's fine." Smiling at the thought, he moved his eyes back to Connie's face as he tried to plan out what he should say in the way of an apology for yesterday. Here went nothing. "Listen, Connie, about last night-"
"No, please." She stopped instantly, her eyelids fluttering closed drowsily. "Just don't, I think we're both too tired to argue about that right now." Making it quite clear that she was in no mood to hear his excuses, he couldn't help but feel shot down already.
"I just want to explain-"
"And I've told you, I'm not interested in hearing it anymore, Sam." She gave him a look that he was sure she intended to be angry but honestly, she just looked hurt and let down. "That's just the way it'll always be, I can't believe I actually let myself get upset about it. It shouldn't have even surprised me." She scoffed lightly before looking back down at her lap in a sad manner.
"Emma overdosed, what was I supposed to do? Just leave her there?" His brows knitted together in a confused and slightly vexed fashion. "I feel like I can't win." He shrugged, a vanquished expression on his face. "I was in an impossible situation-"
"You were in an impossible situation?" She barked violently. "Can't you see what is happening in front of you right now?" Her eyes filled quickly, her anger boiling over into an emotionally charged outburst as she motioned to her abdominal area. "I just made the decision to birth our baby prematurely in the hope of saving our dying daughter, and I had to do it alone!" Her yells almost echoed through his head. "Do you have any idea how sick to my stomach I am with all of this?" She quickly glanced up to the ceiling, a failing attempt at stemming her tears. "Making this horrendous choice based entirely on which life stands more of a chance-" She cut herself off as she became too emotional to speak properly whilst another contraction started to creep over her body. He was dumbfounded, obviously he knew she'd been worried about this but he had no idea to the extent it had been plaguing her mind. As soon as she moved her right hand to reach behind her back, partnered with her furrowing brows and closed eyes he safely assumed she was experiencing another contraction. Standing up quickly, he reached for the food tray resting on the bed next to her and popped it back on the table as his worried eyes rolled over her studiously. She'd moved her legs a little and sat forward as she breathed steadily through the searing pain. At least they seemed to be progressing as opposed to remaining the same, they were definitely increasing in length. He so desperately wanted to soothe her, let her squeeze his hand, rub her back but she was so wounded by his actions, he knew it'd take more than an apology for her to forgive him. His heart ached at the sound of her groaning through the last five seconds of the contraction whilst he just stood and watched helplessly. His whole body ran cold as he saw her quickly pull the blanket off of her legs. "I think my waters just broke." She panted before letting a shaky exhale out as Sam moved to glance over her. His heart dropped into his boots.
"It's alright." He tried to soothe as best he could upon noting she was starting to panic at the red colour to it. He'd be lying through his teeth if he said he wasn't worried as well. The sheets beneath her stained a reddish-pink with her broken waters. "Just let me have a look at the monitor." He waited for her nod before peeling the blanket back a little further and checking the foetal monitor on her thigh, as he'd expected their baby's heart rate had increased considerably. "I'll go find Dr Goldman, okay? I'll be right back-"
"Please be quick." She grabbed his hand on the bed railing before he could leave, with all of her anger thrown straight out of the window she just wanted him by her side. "Something's not right."
