It was much later in the party, said party had probably gone on much longer than an old person's party should go on for. Merlin was cold, he hadn't been in the pool, but the doors to the back garden and to the pool had been open all day and now it was night. Which meant, there was a draft and Merlin, whose thighs still gleamed with whiteness, were now very chilled. Merlin wanted to go up to his room, but when he had tried, Hunith had come out of nowhere, so it seemed, and yelled at him for trying to leave. She was the one who had said he didn't even have to come in the first place. But her words, when she had yelled, were rather slurred, so Merlin assumed she was just drunk and didn't know any better.

So now, Merlin just sat in the sitting room, wrapped up in a blanket he had found in the cupboard in Uther's office. It was burgundy and smelled like dust and cigars, but Merlin didn't mind it too much, it was soft. He sat there, listening to the shouts and laughter of the party still going strong and the lull of tropical music as an undertone, chasing them. Merlin was tired, honestly, he had gorged himself on ham salad and coconut marshmallows and now he was either going to pass out or throw up. He wasn't sure which, but his head hurt a little bit. He heard the sound of foot steps coming around the corner and his head snapped over and his eyes landed on a tall, blond entering the room. It was Arthur, obviously, but Merlin tried to pretend he were only a pillow, until he made sure Arthur was sneaking away from the party alone.

"Playing hide and seek?" asked Arthur now, as he got closer. Merlin untucked his ears from the blanket and looked up at him with a glare. "If you are, I found you...ha!"

"I was just hiding...I didn't want seeked."

"I guess that's too bad," said Arthur, offhanded as he eyed the sofa and Merlin on it, and then whished his hand around. "...move over." Merlin listened, and instead of sitting in the very middle of the sofa, he moved to one side, so Arthur could sit. Arthur did and then weaseled his way under the blanket as well. "Jesus Christ...it's already nine, are these fuckers ever going to leave?"

"I thought you were having a good time," remarked Merlin, ignoring the way Arthur kind of inched closer to him. That didn't matter now, while he was being sassy. "You smell like six different kinds of booze and your nose is dyed orange."

"Why is my nose orange?" offered Arthur, as he reached down with his head and rubbed his nose on the blanket. "I had seven beers and four shots of tequila."

"Am I meant to be impressed?" commented Merlin. "Because I'm not..."

"Ooh... not very friendly," retorted Arthur then, looking over at him with a smirk. Merlin only offered a rather dirty look in return. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing," said Merlin, and he turned away from him. "Why would anything be the matter?"

"I know you too well...so, instead of brooding over it like a little boy, just tell me," said Arthur and Merlin turned back, ready to shout at him about calling him a little boy, or suggesting that he broods, but then he only frowned with a deep sigh as he looked at him and Arthur smiled back. "Come on, just tell me..."

"I was talking to your father," said Merlin then, just saying it. At least then he could get it off his chest, no matter what Arthur did, if he did fancy this girl or not. Merlin really didn't want to think about what that would mean. Not right now.

"I noticed that," said Arthur then. "I wondered what the fuck...because I thought you didn't like talking to him."

"I don't," said Merlin and Arthur grinned. "He seems to think you fancy that girl."

"What girl?" asked Arthur then, looking confused.

"The girl you were talking to earlier."

"I'm afraid I have no idea what girl you mean...I haven't been talking to anyone," said Arthur, still confused. "Except Leon, but he keeps going off to flirt with Morgana so, really...other than you, I've not talked to anyone."

"The girl...you talked to her while getting food, she's married to one of your dad's men," Merlin explained. "Elena...I think, she's blonde, she's-"

"Oh," Arthur laughed then. "Her...okay."

"Yeah, her?" pressed Merlin, glaring at Arthur now, but he didn't say anything else and that was rather annoying. So, Merlin went on. "Your dad says she looked like she liked you..."

Arthur laughed. "I'm sure she did."

Merlin rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Right..."

"Oh, come on..." Arthur retorted. "Who cares what he thinks?"

"I just wanted to know if-" but Merlin stopped talking then, because he felt stupid and he didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Never mind..."

Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin didn't fail to notice this. "No, I don't fancy her, for fuck's sake...I was talking to her about the cucumber sandwiches."

Merlin pouted then and continued to feel stupid. "I just thought...because she's married..." he mumbled and Arthur looked over with a raised eyebrow. "Your father said you wouldn't care about that..."

"I don't," said Arthur and Merlin continued his trend of feeling incredibly stupid for bringing any of this up, but he was already there, and apparently couldn't stop himself.

"He says he you always get what you want."

Arthur huffed then and eyed Merlin for a second too long, before he smirked. "If only that were true..."

"Well...it kind of is."

"No," said Arthur, rather darkly. "Because if it were, I would've had you by now."

Merlin didn't necessarily mean to gasp, but he did and his eyes bugged out of his head a little bit, too. "Arthur...?" he whispered, but also kind of shouted, in a loud whisper. "You can't...just say that."

"Why?" offered Arthur then, and Merlin felt his stomach turn, from more than just the ham salad. "It's the truth."

Merlin was completely and utterly at a lost for words, he had no idea what to say, what he did say sounded a lot like "I...jeh...heh..." and those aren't words at all. Arthur only laughed and leaned closer to Merlin, pushing him back, until he was laying on the sofa. And he was freaking out a little bit about this, but Arthur wasn't actually doing anything to him, he just laid sandwiched between Merlin's body and the back of the sofa and rested his head down on Merlin's shoulder, covering them both with the blanket.

He was just drunk, Merlin told himself, he didn't know what he was saying, that had to be it. Several minutes passed by slowly, Arthur's words toyed with Merlin, playing over and over in his head, and his own stupid feelings made him want them to be true. But he wasn't sure. "Arthur...?" he whispered now, and Arthur hummed, his breath hitting Merlin in the neck, and Merlin wondered for a long second, how they got like this. But of course, he remembered how and he continued, "Why...why did you kiss me?"

It was the question he wanted to ask so often, but chose not to, for safety reasons, for his own well-being. He didn't want to hear that it was a mistake, that Arthur was disgusted by it, even if somewhere in Merlin's mind he didn't really think Arthur was. But what Arthur was doing now, was confusing him and Merlin was pretty sure Arthur knew this as well. There was a long pause, so long Merlin thought he might not answer at first, but then he lifted his head and looked at Merlin with big, and maybe a little drunk, eyes. "I think it's pretty oblivious," Arthur said then, rather slowly. "That we're attracted to each other..."

"What?!" said Merlin, because in all the possibilities he had thought up from the time he asked the question until now, he didn't expect Arthur to say that. Arthur still looked at him, a mix of a smirk and a glare on his lips and heavily lidded eyes.

"You're not stupid," he said. "You know it's true...what the fuck is the point in denying it?" Merlin shook his head, as if he were going to deny it, but he didn't actually say anything and Arthur went on. "And no...I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk. I know you're attracted to me...you're really rubbish at hiding it. And I didn't mean to kiss you...it just sort of happened, but I don't regret it for a second, I wish I could do it again."

"I..." said Merlin, because he was at a loss for words again, but he had to say something, right? He had to. "Okay...but, why didn't you just tell me you knew?"

Arthur had looked away, at some spot on the floor, but he looked back now and smiled at Merlin like he were stupid, and maybe he was. "Why would I do that?" he offered. "Besides...I liked it." Merlin rolled his eyes at this, because of course he would. "I didn't really like you accusing me of sleeping with everyone, but I guess I knew why."

"I wasn't always wrong though,..." remarked Merlin, and Arthur huffed, laying his head back down, and shoving his nose into Merlin's neck. Merlin really didn't know what any of this meant, what it might mean or if it really meant anything at all.

"You know the first moment I realized I was attracted to you?" said Arthur then, and Merlin wondered why he would say this, shouldn't they shut up now? And what if someone heard this? It felt very dumb, but also Merlin's ears burned to know the answer. "It was in Barcelona. I mean...I don't know, I always knew there was something different, there was something about you I was drawn to. I would've never gone to so much trouble for anyone else he's ever brought home...I don't know what that says about me, I didn't mean anything gross by it at first. But then after that trip, I was like holy shit, I'm fucked, aren't I? I don't even know what you did or said...it was just something changed. You were on the floor and I was on top of you and I don't even really know how that happened and I thought...Jesus Christ, I could've had you right there..."But not really, I couldn't."

Merlin's breathing hitched, maybe from Arthur's words or the story, or the thought...that Merlin remembered this trip, too. It was the trip he realized he was in love with Arthur and to think Arthur was almost thinking the same thing and he hadn't known it, couldn't do anything about it, it was gulling to him.

"It was after that point I realized we probably shouldn't be left alone together," said Arthur now and Merlin bit his lip, to keep himself from losing his mind. Because these things Arthur was saying just seemed unbelievable, he almost couldn't believe them. It just seemed like too much. "But Uther is a dumbass, see's everything with a straight filter on, he wouldn't ever realize...he wouldn't see it, and no offence...but your mother's a bitch, so she wouldn't care enough to notice.."

"What are you even talking about? Notice what, because we haven't actually done anything?" Merlin asked now, and Arthur leaned up again, balanced himself on his one elbow, as his other hand was now on Merlin's side. And Merlin had to take a moment to realize that Arthur was still very shirtless. Merlin gulped.

"I'm talking about the way we look at each other, the way we treat each other," said Arthur. "It's sure as fuck is not like siblings, it's not even like friends. We fight like a couple, Merlin...you only ever get mad at me if it involves someone else, have you noticed that?" He prompted and Merlin was frozen, not sure what to even do, let alone say. "And I'm talking about the way you make me smile when you text me and that never happens to me...I stop what I'm doing to reply, most everyone else I keep waiting awhile, but I don't want to with you, I want you to know you're important to me, because you are. It's also the way you make me laugh, because you're cute and I hate it. The way you sing and can write such good songs and yet think you haven't got any talent, and that actually kills me...I'm mostly talking about how I'm in love with you...in case you don't get it...I'm so disgustingly in love with you, to the point where I want to fucking throw up..."

"Arthur..." said Merlin, but he really didn't know what to say, he really honestly didn't. He was stunned into some form of insane silence, where even though he wanted to say something, he didn't know what or even how to start saying words at all. He wasn't sure if he opened his mouth now, words would come out at all, it might just be a bunch of rubbish.

"So no, Merlin...I don't fancy her, or anyone else," finished Arthur, and then he looked at Merin. As if trying to read him maybe or figure out what Merlin was thinking. Maybe even wanting Merlin to say something, but he still didn't know how.

"I don't know what to say..." he admitted this, because he saw no reason not to, Arthur had just admitted plenty to him. "What are we supposed to do now..?"

That was another thing Merlin wondered, what was the point of all this? Was it really going to change anything? Arthur let out a huff of air and shrugged. "We aren't going to do anything, we can't..."

"I wish-" Merlin started, but then stopped himself, because he didn't really know what he wished...maybe that things were different, but if they were, everything would be different and it is very possible they wouldn't have ever even met. So, there was no point in wishing things could be different, there was no point in wishing at all.

"I know," answered Arthur, because he seemed to understand this, too. Merlin looked at him now and their eyes met. It warmed Merlin, in some weird way, to know Arthur felt these things, too, that he struggled with the same thoughts and worries and he felt the same way about Merlin. It made Merlin feel less alone, and even more connected to Arthur than before. They had always been close, but it felt as if they were connected even deeper now, and Merlin thought...that they were. They were literally in love with each other, if what Arthur said was the truth, how could anyone be more connected than that..?

They were kissing again before Merlin even really realized one person was leaning in, he wasn't honestly entirely sure who had even been the one to lean. But, it really didn't matter now. This kiss was a lot different from the one in the loo, this one was slow, a lot less needy and wet. It was more like they were trying to show each other how they felt, it was soft and gentle and very, very slow. Arthur would capture Merlin's lips with his mouth, and then let go and linger for a second, only to do it again. He did this several times, before Merlin placed a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in for a lot longer.

That, even if it hadn't been Merlin's intention, seemed to turn a switch, because the kiss changed after that. Arthur moved around until he was leaning over Merlin, his knees on either side of Merlin's hips and his hands holding himself up on the sofa. The kiss didn't break or stop, as he moved, but it was a lot dirtier now. At least Merlin felt like it was dirty, in a way that made his skin feel like it were on fire and his breath hitch in his throat. Arthur kissed him hard now, with an open mouth and he used his tongue to pry Merlin's lips open as well. Which, only made Merlin gasped and do so willing, hands trailing down to Arthur's back, crawling at his bare skin, even though there was nothing really to hold on to there, he still tried-

And then there was two sets of heavy footsteps coming down the hall, and the both of them froze, in some deep level of horrified fear. Arthur pulled away, but still stayed on top of him, until the foot steps got quieter, going up the stairs now, and his ridged body relaxed a little bit. But he only rolled back into his position before and didn't look at Merlin again.

"This is why we can't..." he said, and he almost sounded defeated about it. And Merlin nodded, and didn't say anything else, because he knew Arthur was right.


(A/N: Arthur is the king...of making me question his stupidity. I have also learned that I write kissing scenes very vividly and that only means I have read WAY too much fanfiction in my life. But oh well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter either way!)