Chapter 32: Moonstruck
I stared at Claire in shock, and she smiled back at me in surprise.
"Hi," she said with a small wave and stepped closer.
"Hey," I said, surprised to see how inviting she looked. Her hair was a tangled mess and she wore a thick plaid shirt serving as a jacket over her dirty overalls. All I had seen her in lately was festival clothes and dresses where we had been awkward and distant. "What are you doing here?" I managed to ask. I vaguely wondered if she heard me yell earlier.
I wasn't that loud, was I?
"I came to see this moon the weatherman won't stop talking about!" she explained as her eyes scanned the summit. "I thought more people would be up here…where is everyone?"
"Maybe they're used to it?" I offered, though my mind was hardly on the moon. I never had the opportunity to speak to Claire the way I had wanted at the Harvest Festival. Now that we were here, alone, I didn't know what to say.
"They're so spoiled." She shook her head before hesitating a few feet away from me.
I swallowed before speaking. "…Do you want to watch it together?"
"Yes!" Claire laughed. She hurried over to me and slipped her rucksack off, letting the old bag hit hard against the rock with a loud metallic clang. "I was worried I was about to get kicked off the mountain after I just walked all this way up!"
"Alright, let's enjoy it," I said with a nervous smile.
The edge of the peak was narrow, and Claire sat down close beside me. As she made herself comfortable, my mind raced to find the right words, but I couldn't seem to string any together. We were together in complete quiet. No brass, no records, no fireworks, no guitar. Just the silence of the peak at night and my heartbeat.
"You don't have a jacket," Claire noted after we sat together for who knows how long. "Aren't you cold up here?"
"A little. I thought I tolerated the cold better than this. I mean, I used to."
"Well, I came prepared…" she said retrieved a green steel thermos from her bag. "Want some cocoa? It'll warm you up."
"Sure, thanks," I said, taking it gladly. Thirst and hunger burned inside me as I unscrewed the lid and took a drink. Once the hot chocolate hit my tongue, I struggled to stop myself from gulping down as much as I could manage.
"Don't drink all of it!" Claire cried out, and I managed to tear myself away from the drink.
"Sorry," I breathed heavily as I handed it back to her. "It's good!"
"Apparently," she sniggered as she poured herself a cup in the thermos lid.
I caught a flicker of light from below in the corner of my eye. The streetlamps of Mineral Town had turned on.
"Makes you wonder what they're all doing down there instead…" Claire said, and I saw she was looking down at the town too. With a smile, she pointed down at the poultry farm. "Popuri is probably reading Kai's latest letter to Lillia now that Rick's out of the house. I'm sure there are certain parts she's skipping," she said with a mischievous smile.
"And…" she continued, before pointing towards Ellen's house. "Ah! Elli is probably wishing she could slip Stu some cough syrup to put him to bed."
"You're terrible," I said, but I couldn't help but smile.
"C'mon, you give it a try!" she urged.
I scanned the collection of toy houses below me before I picked out the ranch. "Barley is reading May the same bedtime story for the third time in a row, but he's the only one falling asleep."
Claire chuckled and pointed towards the beach. "Won is telling Zack that he'll do the dishes if Zack cooks. He won't though—there's no legally binding contract on the matter."
I laughed and pointed to the inn next. "Karen is changing the rules of a drinking game so she can win."
"Anna is secretly reading a bodice-ripper she confiscated from Mary's room."
I laughed at how simultaneously absurd and entirely possible that was. Claire seemed satisfied as I relaxed.
"If I was down there, what would I be doing?" I asked her.
"Hmm…" She thought for a moment before pointing to the church. "You'd be letting Carter test out his latest stories on you to find the perfect balance between child-friendly and depressing."
"I only do that on Mondays and Wednesdays," I smiled.
"Oh, my mistake!" she laughed as she took another drink and searched the darkening horizon for a new target. "Hey, what's that?" she asked, pointing to the east. A small haze of light glowed in the far distance, only barely visible due to the darkness of everything else.
"I think…" I said, squinting my eyes. "I think it's Forget-Me-Not Valley. I didn't realize you could see it from here."
"Cute name. Much better than plain old 'Mineral Town.' You ever been there before?"
"Nah. I thought about it last winter, but I was tired of traveling by then and I was advised not to pass through the mountains in winter." I told her. I had been secretly relieved when Harris gave me the excuse to stay put. I was so tired and unmotivated then.
"You did a lot of traveling?" Claire asked, and I felt my body tense.
"Four years' worth," I said stiffly.
"Wow. You practically have a degree in it then."
"That's one way of looking at it."
"Did your family move around a lot or something?"
"No…I did it on my own."
"Impressive. I don't think I'd like all that time by myself though."
"I loved it for a long time," I admitted. "No hurry, no pressure, no responsibilities. That feeling of walking into a town where no one knew you and walking out when only a few did…" I smiled as I remembered the faces and company of those few. "…it felt great. There was no one to worry about." I slowly shook my head in disapproval at my past self.
"You make it sound like you're going to disappear from here one day," Claire commented, though a hint of a question was in her voice.
"I don't plan to," I assured her, but the nagging thought of rent wouldn't allow me to make any promises. "It took a while, but…it did eventually get lonely after a while. It felt like it was time to go home."
"So…how'd you end up here?" she asked slowly.
"…Couple wrong turns, I guess."
It took me far too long to man up and admit defeat by going home. I wouldn't have been returning as someone who had made it on their own after all. And yet, after being away from it for so long, it didn't feel like a place I had escaped from anymore. I wanted to go back. I was excited to come home. I grasped at the hard rock beneath my palms.
What if I hadn't been such a coward and returned home the moment I first wanted to? Where would my family be now?
"Hey, stay with me!" Claire suddenly called out to me, waving her hand in front of my face.
"What?" I asked, pulling my head back.
"You were worrying too much again," she explained.
"What?" I repeated.
"No use trying to hide it. Your forehead wrinkles give it away," she said, her eyes glancing upward.
Dumbfounded, I touched my tense forehead and could feel the small creases. Claire snickered at my surprise.
"Since when?" I asked, feeling my skin heating under my touch. I hoped it was getting too dark to see how much I was blushing.
"Since always, probably. I first noticed it on your birthday. No one's pointed it out to you before?" she wondered as she sealed the thermos away.
"No," I said with an embarrassed laugh, and I could feel the wrinkles disappearing.
"It's a dead giveaway. Don't ever play poker," she teased as she glanced at my forehead again.
"Geez!" I said, subconsciously borrowing Ann's word as I covered my forehead with my hand. "Don't stare at it!"
"No need to get defensive!" she laughed but turned to admire the view.
Dropping my hand from my forehead, I looked up at the sky with her. The first blanket of stars that appeared at twilight now shined brighter in the dark blue sky as they waited for the moon. Then, satisfied at the anticipation in its audience, the moon began to peek out over the distant hills. The delicate whisps of cloud around it glowed silver as moonbeams spread across the sky. The land below us, once warm shades of red, orange, and brown in the afternoon, were now blue and grey as cool moonlight colored the earth. Even the river changed, shimmering white as it flowed below us and ran along the border of Claire's farm.
"Goddess, look at that," Claire whispered as if we were watching a performance in the dark.
"It's pretty," I agreed. At that moment, I was lost for the words to do it justice. The moon was a magnetic pale gold amidst silvery stars as it gently floated higher in the clear sky.
I wondered how many other people in the world would be looking at it too, and imagined I felt the weight of the photograph in my pocket.
I looked over at Claire to find the moonlight had colored her too. The beautiful light illuminated the softness in her face, captured both the soft blonde and gold in her tangled hair, and shined in her clear blue eyes in a way that made me ignore every other sight around me. My eyes lingered on her for too long before I realized what I was doing and scolded myself.
I leaned back on my elbows until her face was hidden from my sight. The rock felt cool and grounding against my back as I returned my gaze to the sky. I wasn't sure if the moon was as big and the stars as low as they appeared, or if the height I gazed at it from created the illusion.
"I think this is the closest I've been to them," I shared.
"Them?" Claire said, confused. She looked back at me, but I kept my eyes fixed on the night sky.
"The stars."
She remained quiet for a moment, then laid back against the rock too. As she settled next to me, I smelled wildflowers.
"You've never been in an airplane or anything?" she asked.
"No," I said. She was close enough for me to feel the warmth from her without touching.
"I thought you used to travel a lot?"
"I did. I stuck to the backcountry, though. I guess it was more like hiking, or backpacking maybe? I don't know the word for it."
"I can see you doing that. You kind of had a wild man vibe when I first met you."
"Wild man?!" I snorted with laughter and turned to face her. "What?"
She smiled widely, dimples forming in her cheeks. "You know, your hair, your clothes—you looked like you lived in the trees, fishing barehanded and sleeping on rocks."
I chuckled at the idea, though recognized I was lying back on an uneven, rocky slope at that very moment.
"I didn't realize I made such an impression!"
"Don't worry—turns out you're pretty tame," she teased.
"I think I like the sound of 'wild' better," I acknowledged with amusement.
"Be that way! So, were you trying to go somewhere in particular when you were wandering the wilderness?" she asked, overstating the words.
"You definitely have an exaggerated idea of what I was doing!" I laughed again before I answered her question. "No, I didn't have a specific destination, I just wanted to go somewhere on my own, get a taste of freedom. I liked being in nature. There was so much time to just think." The idea seemed silly now. My thoughts had been very different when I wanted to be alone with them. "I wasn't very prepared for it honestly, and it got rough a few times, but…I thought I was happy," I shared, though the smile was beginning to fade from my face.
Were those really the happiest times? I wondered as I looked back to the moon. Staying in an inn when it got too cold or lonely, finding roads to follow when I got lost, not answering the few letters from home that reached me? Then I went home… After that, what I was doing wasn't traveling. I was just moving from place to place. Adrift. Derailed.
I could feel my forehead beginning to wrinkle. How have I never noticed this before? I thought as I self-corrected it. I turned my attention back to Claire.
"And, if I ever got too low on funds, I could usually find some temporary work in a town," I added with a rueful smile considering my current situation.
"Does every town have clueless, overwhelmed farmers?" she asked.
"Just Mineral Town."
"'No, Claire~! You weren't entirely clueless! You were actually incredibly capable!'" Claire sang in a squeak. "That's what you were supposed to say," she added in her normal voice.
"Why did you make my voice so high?" I asked, only for Claire to smile and shrug. "Well, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm trying to voice my honest opinions more nowadays."
"Be that way. Learn anything interesting during all your travels?"
I thought back for a moment before speaking. "I learned how to pack light, how to navigate using a compass…um, how horrible hostel kitchens are!" I laughed as my face twisted with remembered disgust. "The importance of earplugs, that can never be undermined. Not all my roommates have been as quiet as Gray…and how to spot someone who'll help you," I added, thinking of Carter. "Oh, and if you're camping, hang your food away from where you sleep. I learned that one the hard way."
"Ah, important lessons," she giggled. "And did you become a well-cultured man of the world?"
"Apparently not, if I looked like a wild man when you met me," I said, still surprised by her first impression. But I wanted to get away from Claire asking for too many details about my past. "Did you ever do much traveling?" I wondered.
"No," she sighed. "I was always too busy for that, with school and then work. My parents were very determined to keep me on track, and I let them for far too long. Oh well, I never had a case of wanderlust anyway."
"Hmm," I hummed with a skeptical look towards her.
"What?"
"It's just, you moved to the middle of nowhere."
"That was more of a…spontaneous escape?" she said. "But I love it here in nowhere. I never really liked being somewhere anyway, and I certainly wasn't getting anywhere there."
I shook my head at her words. "You think you're being clever."
"I am, aren't I?"
I decided not to answer her question. "What's the closest to the stars you've been, then?"
"Believe it or not, I've never been on a plane either. I guess it was in my old office building. It was pretty big. Not necessarily a skyscraper, but I made it up to twenty-eight floors. I worked late into the night a lot of the time, but—"
"But you never really saw the stars," I nodded, and Claire raised an eyebrow at me. "You mentioned it before," I explained.
"Yeah, good memory. There was always too much light pollution. I could always see the moon at least!" she said, reaching her arm up and placing her hand in the center of the moon. "Not like this though. It looks like you could grab it."
I raised my hand too. It did seem like we could touch it. Our hands were black silhouettes in the moonlight, side by side, and yet the enormous moon seemed more in reach than she did. I glanced over at Claire to find she was looking back at me. I quickly averted my eyes to the moon and dropped my arm back to the rock.
"Um, how'd it go with Gotz?" she said. "That was today, wasn't it?"
I felt my stomach sink as I laid flat against the rock. "Why'd you help me with that?" I asked, avoiding her question.
She was silent for a moment. "Well, at the Music Festival, you looked…"
"Like a mess?" I offered.
"I was going to say like you could use a break."
"…What did you tell Gotz about me?" I eventually asked.
"Just that you helped me on the farm and knew how to do everything he asked me about."
"You what?" I said, turning to face her again.
"Aw, come on, everybody exaggerates on their resume a little. It's expected," she said with a casual smile.
"Well, please don't exaggerate for me," I said, returning my eyes to the moon. "I hate letting people down."
"I'm sure you'll be fine. Don't worry about it so much."
I didn't care if my forehead was creased now. "…He fired me today," I confessed to the moon.
"What?!" she said, turning towards me on her side.
"I didn't know how to do hardly anything he wanted," I said flatly. Claire listened without saying a word. "It's been tough lately," I continued. "I'm trying to stay busy, make the money I can, but it's not enough." It felt easier to say the words out loud, perhaps because it looked as if I was only telling the night sky.
Claire rolled off her side to lay on her back again as she considered my words. When she spoke, her voice was soft.
"…Why don't you come work on the farm again, then?"
I whipped my head to face her. "Oh, don't get the wrong idea, I wasn't saying all that to—!"
"I know. But it's not the same without you there anyway. You're welcome to come back," she suggested.
I let myself look directly into her pale blue eyes, feeling completely torn. I needed work and I wanted to spend time together again, but…but I couldn't go back to how I was in spring. I still clearly had feelings for her. I knew I needed to move on and find my own way.
"I don't think that's a good idea," I managed to say. As my mouth formed the words, I could feel the rest of me fighting them. I was really in no position to be turning down any work.
Claire sighed. "I've really missed talking with you. It was so weird not seeing each other every day all of a sudden."
I nodded silently, feeling strange to think I was missed.
"But I'm happy to see you're doing better since…then. Even with the money troubles. You look different now," she said, in the same way I had tried to convince myself.
"I feel a little different," I shared.
"Really?" she said, her eyes shining at me intently.
Is she…?
"What are you asking?" I said cautiously.
"Nothing—it's just, in some ways you just seem like you're the same," she said, smiling slightly.
"In a lot of ways, I am…"
It felt as if the moonlight was shining a spotlight on us as we looked at one another.
The moon makes me feel strange… I thought as I let myself admire her in the moonlight again. Is it just me?
My eyes lowered from her eyes to her lips, and once again I regretted never kissing her. So much, but also nothing, had happened between us.
"Cliff…I'm really sorry," Claire suddenly said, making me wonder if she knew what I was thinking. I turned back to the moon.
"You don't need to apologize," I reassured her. It couldn't be helped.
"I do, though!" she declared, insistent. "I've been thinking about what you said at the Harvest Festival, about not telling you…" she trailed off.
I stayed quiet.
"I should have told you a lot of things," she decided.
I let her words echo in my mind before I spoke again.
"Why didn't you tell me about you and Trent?" I asked, finally feeling the courage to ask the question. I faced her as I waited for her answer.
Claire seemed caught off-guard by my question. She hesitated for a second, then spoke.
"Trent was worried about having violated some ethical standard," she said dismissively. "I know he wanted me to wait, give it some time to see if I was serious about it, but…I'm not good at waiting. I was still his patient when we—"
"I wouldn't have cared about that," I interrupted her. I wasn't keen on her finishing her sentence.
"I knew you wouldn't. I honestly don't think most people in a small town like this would have, but Trent does. That's the way he is. He takes everything so seriously," she said with a tired sigh.
Of course he does, I thought. He's focused and successful, unlike me, a bum who spends all his nights in a bar freeloading off friends and buying drinks I can't afford. As soon as I had the thought, I felt guilty. I knew Carter wouldn't approve of it. But the more I thought on her words, the less satisfied I was with her response. Claire and I were friends; it's not like I would have said anything.
"Is that really the only reason?" I looked directly into her eyes as I asked her the question.
"Yes," she swore. The way she said it wasn't entirely convincing, but I couldn't think of another reason she could have. "I'm so sorry," she added.
"I know…it's okay."
As we looked at one another, I could feel the same feeling as before and knew it wasn't the moon's fault. When will it go away? When everything else settles down?
"Are you sure you don't want to come work, just for a few days even?" Claire tried again.
"I'm sure," I said firmly, though I smiled.
Stop making this so hard! I groaned internally and had to chuckle at myself a little.
"What?" she demanded, though a smile was on her lips too.
I decided now was the time.
"I was wanting to tell you at the Harvest Festival, that—that I had a good time seeing you again. And talking to you tonight...I mean, I've given it time, and—" I realized I was rambling and finally found the words I wanted to say at the Harvest Festival. "I want my friend back. Maybe we can spend some time together again—not working—" I clarified. "…but just for fun?"
Claire flashed my favorite smile at me. "I'd like that. You should come by the farm soon. I've been wanting to show you what I've done with the place!"
"I've been curious. It'd be great to see the animals again too."
"Buckley would love it! Why don't you come over tomorrow afternoon?"
Tomorrow afternoon…I knew I was too low on money to be able to afford much, if any, leisure time.
"I can make lunch,"
Feeling a little ashamed but too hungry to refuse, I agreed. She had already used too much of my willpower.
"If we don't get up now, we'll end up sleeping here," Claire said after more of the night had passed with our talking, moongazing, and yawning.
I stood up and faced the moon for one last wistful look. More than anything, I wanted to stay on the summit with it, away from all the problems waiting for me below. Instead, I helped Claire gather her rucksack and followed her down the path.
The moon was bright enough to cast shadows in front of us as we began the descent. The sounds of singing crickets and croaking frogs joined our conversation as we passed the still lake.
"I've stayed up too late," Claire said before letting out a long, silent yawn. "It's not good for my skin. Hey, carry me down the mountain, Cliff. I'm too tired."
"Yeah, right," I rolled my eyes at her.
"C'mon, I carried you down once."
"Is that how you remember it?"
"How do you remember it?"
I mainly remembered what happened after but decided to keep that thought to myself. "You helped me down, and it was only to the hot springs. I'm the one who dragged you through town the time you collapsed."
"Be that way."
We crossed the timberline together. It was darker under the leaves, with moonlight only filtering in through the breaks in the canopy. It wasn't long before I nearly tripped over what I hoped was a root. Claire must have heard the panicked crunch of leaves as I righted myself.
"Not used to being up here? Here, take my hand," she encouraged. "I know this mountain like the back of my hand now."
In the darkness, I reached for her, then let my hand quietly fall to my side again.
"If I got myself up here, I can get myself down," I said, just as much to myself as to her.
Carter is going to get a kick out of Cliff's journal entry from this night.
I was always underwhelmed by the Moon Festival/Moonlight Festival/Moonviewing Festival/Festival at Mother's Hill. I mean, what is it even named?! It never had much of a festival feel to it for me, since whoever you watch it with seems surprised you're there and treats the whole thing so casually. It felt more intimate to me, like a heart event. That's why it's not an official festival in my story. It's just a night with a beautiful moon. I hope you all weren't disappointed. It seemed so many of you were excited for me to do something unique with this festival, but this is one I planned to play completely straight! *facepalm* Let me know what you thought, regardless.
You all know I had Audrey Hepburn's version of "Moon River" playing on loop for this chapter!
On a side note, the bug with FFN really had me annoyed this week. I'm glad it looks like it's resolved now, fingers crossed. Either way, I plan to be more active on AO3 from here on out! Now excuse me while I go bookmark my favorites over there. :)
