Welcome back to Halfway to Hegg. The story does not end after Ravenhill. There is still a bit more of the story to tell and I will continue with it until I finally get to the point where Adaira's story is done.
I just celebrated Yule with my family yesterday and tomorrow on the 23rd I will be celebrating Christmas with my sister and her husband and including some Yule traditions. Yule is a Pagan holiday and is celebrated by honoring the old Gods and giving thanks for the blessings you have received that year.
This Yule was made all the more special by the sight of the Christmas star which has not been seen for 600 years. This was the star that led the three wise men to Jesus in the manger. While I am Pagan I was raised Christen and I still follow many Christen beliefs.
I want to wish you an yours a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Hopefully this new year will bring better tidings than this year has. Staf safe out there.
Now without further ado, the aftermath of the battle.
Mels xoxo
Adaira's POV
When next I awoke it was strangely on a comfortable bed. I woke up gradually, pulled back under to the abyss of sleep several times before at last beginning to return to the land of the living. I could hear low voices talking as I tried to open my heavy eyes. It felt as if someone had glued them shut and I lifted my hand which also felt heavy and clumsy, my body not responding well at first and I rubbed at them, grit rubbing free before I opened them.
The lighting was low but I could make out that I was in a tent of some kind. I groaned, my whole body sore and I tried to kick off the blankets, feeling overly hot. I heard the low voices stop and a moment later, Balin was at my beside a relieved expression on his face.
"Adaira," Balin said in a low voice and I turned my head to look at him, blinking slightly.
"Balin," I said, smiling slightly and Balin smiled back.
"Here, lass, let me give you a hand," Balin told me and he got his arms under mine and helped lift me until I was sitting up back against the pillows. He walked away from me then as more of the large tent came into focus and I could see that there were three more cots set up in the room on which people seemed to be sleeping.
Balin returned with a cup of water and he helped me to drink it, encouraging me to drink slowly. I began to feel more like myself and I sat back against the pillows as Balin set the cup down on the table beside my bed. I looked around the room, noting that Balin had been talking with an Elf. I frowned when I didn't see who I was looking for.
"Where's Dwalin?" I asked my brother in law worriedly. I remembered us leaving Ravenhill together. The fighting had been over but maybe we had been attacked when we were trying to get Fili, Kili, and Thorin to the healers. "And Fili, Kili, and Thorin," I asked of Balin and he hushed me, trying to calm me.
"Dwalin's just fine, lass," Balin assured me, patting me knee. "I sent him to get some sleep. He's been by your side for two days barely resting himself," Balin informed me before he looked over his shoulder at the other three cots in the room. "Fili, Kili and Thorin are right over there, lass," Balin told me and I began to try and get up. "No you don't," Balin told me as he pushed me firmly back onto the bed.
"I'm fine," I tried to say and Balin fixed me with a leveled glare.
"You collapsed on us, lass," Balin told me before he shook his head. "You've been asleep for two days. Thorin, Fili, and Kili are in the best of hands. They're alive lass. Fili and Thorin weren't too badly injured, but Kili…," Balin said, a frown on his face and I tried to get up again and Balin pushed me back down onto the bed. "There's nothing you can do for them right now, lass except to rest yourself," Balin told me and I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest and Balin chuckled slightly. "I told my brother you'd be difficult," Balin said and I rolled my eyes.
"I think I've slept long enough," I told Balin before raising my eyebrow. "Two days?" I asked him wondering if I had heard him right and Balin nodded.
"Perhaps it would be best if the lady ate something," The Elf chimed in and I looked over to the male Elf that was standing rather formally over at the small table he and Balin had been sitting at. He approached my cot and looked down at me with a pleasant smile on his face. My stomach growled at the mention of food and I blushed slightly at just how loud it was.
"I guess that would be a yes," I told the Elf and he nodded swiftly before walking away and out of the tent. While we waited for the Elf to return, Balin informed me that it was King Thranduil himself that had ordered that Kili, Fili, Thorin and myself were to be brought here.
My Uncle and cousin's had been placed in an enchanted sleep by the Elven healers so that they might heal more quickly and until they awoke, I would have to take up the mantle of Queen once more. Dain had been proficiently leading our people for the last two days while I was indisposed, but it was my duty while Thorin was recovering. The Elf returned with a tray on which was a bowl of broth and a small piece of bread. I was told to eat slowly and not to over do it and Balin watched me like a hawk as I ate to ensure that I followed those rules to the letter. Once I was done eating the Elf took away my tray and I began to feel tired once more surprisingly. I gave into my body's request, knowing that I had pushed it to its limits before the battle.
When I awoke for the second time sunlight was streaming through the open flap of the tent which I could now see was a sort of beige canvas. Inside were the three cots, three lined up along the back which included mine, one to the left and a table with chairs to the right hand side and a few pieces of furniture strewn about. There was also some screens set up on the left hand side that seemed to set up a little private area to either wash or dress.
When I looked to my left I could see Tauriel sitting beside the cot on the left, holding what had to be Kili's hand. She looked as still as a statue and her expression was blank. I turned my head to the right and saw my husband sitting at the table with Bilbo, the two of them both looking tired. I yawned and sat up slowly, my movements drawing the attention of my husband.
"Amrâlimê," Dwalin said and he was on his feet in an instant and at my side. He sat beside me on the bed and I finished sitting up and flung my arms over his broad shoulders, pulling him towards me as I buried my face into his chest. He was clothed in new trousers and a tunic, no longer stained with blood and I reveled in how warm he was.
"Mo chridhe," I breathed out in the crook of his neck and Dwalin growled, pulling back before he crushed his lips to mine fiercely. Our kiss was filled with passion and heartache, the both of us clinging to one another. We only parted when we could no longer breath and even then we rested our foreheads together.
"Don't ever do that to me again," Dwalin growled at me as I caught my breath and I shook my head as I combed my fingers through his hair and then down over his back, just needing to feel him in my arms.
"I'm sorry," I apologized for worrying him and over his shoulder I saw the flap of the tent get pushed open as someone entered. I kissed Dwalin once more, this time slowly and then we pulled away from one another. When I could see over Dwalin's shoulder, I spotted Balin who had just entered the tent.
"Good morning, namadith," Balin greeted me with a cheerful smile which I returned.
"Morning," I told Balin before I turned towards Bilbo who was wringing his hands as he watched us. He had a bandage around his head, but looked reasonably unharmed. "Bilbo," I said and I reached out my hand towards the Hobbit and Bilbo took the last few remaining steps over to my bedside and he looked down at me.
"Are you alright?" Bilbo asked me worriedly and I nodded at the Hobbit before remembering that he knew of my secret.
"Just the exhaustion catching up with me," I assured Bilbo, patting his hand and he hummed slightly, not sounding completely reassured. "Enough about me," I said and I looked back at my husband and my brother in law. "Tell me," I told my husband firmly and Dwalin's mouth formed a grim line as Balin's face fell as well. When neither of them moved to speak I looked to Bilbo but he was looking down at his feet, unshed tears in his eyes.
I nodded then and threw back the blankets from around me, finding out that I had apparently been redressed in a long white, cotton dress. Dwalin tried to push me back into the bed, but I slapped his hand away and slid out of bed, cursing slightly as my bare feet greeted the cold hard ground. I swayed a little as I felt dizzy for only a moment, but I gained my footing and strode over to the first cot that was beside my own, the three men following behind me hurriedly as if they were waiting for me to fall.
Thorin lay upon the cot, looking peaceful for once as he inhaled and exhaled deeply. Balin explained to me once more that he, Fili, and Kili had been put into an enchanted sleep by the Elves to give them a better chance at healing. I pulled back his blankets and checked his stomach, finding it well bandaged and when I peeked beneath the bandages I found a neat row of stitches that knitted his skin back together. I moved down to his foot then and saw that they had done what they could for him, stitching what they could and bandaging the rest.
Thorin's prognosis was good, the Elves believing that he would heal well and be back to good health in several weeks if he took it easy and followed their instructions to the letter. I moved on to Fili next, his cot also along the back of the tent. Fili was a bit pale and Dwalin informed me that while the Elves believed that his wound would heal well, they had told them that Fili might be different when he awoke. Both Dwalin and Balin did not seem to understand what this meant, but I did.
The Elves seemed to know like I did that the location of Fili's injury was very precarious. I had noticed it at Ravenhill and I hoped I was wrong, but I wouldn't know for sure if I was right or not until Fili awoke and I could run him through some tests. As for Kili...I approached his cot slowly not wanting to spook Tauriel. I laid a hand on her shoulder and she jumped slightly under my touch before turning her head to look up at me. Her eyes were gimmering and she looked exhausted.
"Can I?" I asked Tauriel, gesturing to Kili and Tauriel blinked slowly at me for a few seconds before nodding. I stood beside Kili's bedside and carefully pulled back his bandages, not getting far before I threw a hand up over my nose and reeled back at the putrid smell.
I turned away from Kili and there was suddenly a basin in front of my face and I heaved into it, throwing up bile. When I finally could look up, I saw that it was Bilbo holding the basin for me and Dwalin and Balin were looking at me in concern. Dwalin frowned then before he shook his head and he stomped over to my side and wrapped a strong arm around my waist.
"That's it," Dwalin said as he ushered me back over to my bed, plopping me down on it. "Balin, get Oin," Dwalin threw over his shoulder and Balin nodded before hurrying out of the tent and my eyes widened in shock and I shook my head quickly.
"I'm fi…," I began to say and I stopped quickly at the glare that Dwalin gave me.
"Yer not fine. Ye've been getting sick like that for awhile now. I've not made yah get looked at before now, but enough is enough," Dwalin told me as he stared down at me and I flicked my gaze over to Bilbo from the corner of my eyes and saw that he looked rather nervous.
I bit my lip and looked down at my hands, unable to meet Dwalin's eyes as I tried to think about what I could do. I could fess up, tell him the truth that I had always known why I was getting sick or I could lie, act like I had had no clue. I had a hunch I was pregnant, but even I wasn't completely sure. Balin returned with Oin all too soon and I was trembling in fear as soon as they both entered the tent.
"Balin said yah have need of me," Oin said as he entered the tent, looking to my husband and Dwalin nodded in response, looking down at me.
"We've all noticed Adaira's been sick lately. Now she's collapsed again," Dwalin said to Oin who nodded before he reached up to stroke his beard.
"Aye," Oin said before he looked at me and I kept my head down and on my lap. "Perhaps you lads had best step out," Oin said and Balin and Bilbo nodded and moved towards the entrance of the tent, Bilbo shooting me one last nervous look over his shoulder. "You too lad," Oin added then to my husband who was still standing in front of me.
"What?" Dwalin asked Oin in confusion, beginning to protest as Oin came to stand beside my bed.
"It's best that it's just the lass and I for this," Oin told Dwalin as he looked down at me and I flicked my eyes up to my husband for only a second before looking down at my hands again.
"Fine," Dwalin said before he crouched down in front of me and tilted up my chin so that I was looking at him. "I'll be right outside, lass. I'm sorry, but it's for yer own good," Dwalin told me and I sighed and looked down, unable to meet his eyes, a lump of guilt and regret forming in my throat. Dwalin awkwardly shifted his weight from foot to foot before he strode out of the tent and I was left alone with Oin and Tauriel who was still sitting beside Kili. Oin sat down at the end of my bed, keeping some distance between the two of us.
"Lass," Oin said after a few long moments of silence and I looked up, tears welling up in my eyes and I met Oin's gaze at last. "You know what's making yah sick, don't yah?" Oin asked me and I nodded my head, swallowing thickly.
"I have a hunch," I told Oin in a quiet voice and Oin sighed heavily and reached over to pat my hand.
"How long have yah known?" Oin asked me and I closed my eyes, a few tears sliding down my cheeks.
"Since before we left for the mountain," I finally admitted after a moment. "I wanted to tell him. I did, but I knew what he would say, what you all would say," I told Oin and he nodded before he rose to his feet.
"You need to know the truth, lass," Oin told me and I nodded in understanding. "Lay back then lass and lift up your dress," Oin told me and I wiped at my eyes before laying back on my cot. I did as he asked and Oin gently laid his hands on my abdomen and began to press his hands around, feeling and making little humming noises. "Besides getting sick have yah noticed any other changes, lass? Tender breasts? Heartburn? Constipation?" Oin asked me as he had me lower my dress back down and sit up.
"I've been tired a lot, but then again we've barely had a moment to sleep. Um...yeah, my breasts have been a bit tender," I told Oin embarrassedly, feeling my cheeks getting hot as I remembered how my boobs had been sore lately. "Heartburn a lot," I added and Oin nodded before smiling at me.
"Well lass, congratulations are in order," Oin told me and I laughed slightly at that. "How far along do yah think you are?" Oin asked me and I blushed at that too.
"Two months," I told Oin and he nodded in agreement with my answer.
"Aye, I'd say the same," Oin told me and he sighed and patted my hand. "I can't say how he'll take it lass, but you need to think of yer bairn right now. Too much stress isn't good for yah, lass, either of yah. You need to get yer sleep and eat everything yer given," Oin informed me and I nodded in understanding.
"I...Bilbo knows," I admitted to Oin in nearly a whisper. "He was the only one not affected by the Arkenstone at the time. I couldn't do it by myself anymore," I told Oin and he regarded me for a moment before shrugging.
"Yah shouldn't have had to lass," Oin told me before he got to his feet. "I'll stay with yah, lass," Oin told me and I shook my head at that.
"No, this is something Dwalin and I need to talk about alone," I told Oin, sighing heavily. "I need to be honest with him and fess up," I told him and Oin gave me a stern look.
"Just as long as you don't stress yerself out too much, lass," Oin told me and I nodded in agreement.
"I'll do my best," I assured Oin and he harrumphed before walking to the mouth of the tent to call Dwalin and the others back inside. Bilbo looked very nervous as he entered the tent once more and from Dwalin's face I could tell that he had noticed that Bilbo seemed to know something about what was going on. I slipped off of the bed once more and met Dwalin half way and raised a hand before he was able to speak. "We need to talk," I told my husband calmly before I flicked my gaze towards the others. "Alone," I added and he nodded, his expression unreadable.
"The Royal Tent is unoccupied at the moment," Balin said then and I looked at my brother in law who looked slightly worried and I nodded.
"Perfect," I said and I looked around before spotting a blanket which was folded across the bottom of my bed and I grabbed it and threw it over my shoulders. "Shall we?" I asked my husband and he nodded, not talking. Not a good sign. I left the tent, walking out into the sunlight.
The sky was overcast, light snow flurries falling. We were in a sort of tent city, Elves, Dwarves, and Men working together. I shivered slightly, my bare feet taking the brunt of the chill and I hurried after my husband, following him through the twists and turns of the "streets" made by the tents. Not far from the tent I had awoken in was the Royal Tent and we both ducked into it. I was glad to find that several braziers were lit inside, warming the inside of the tent.
Inside was a large bed, not a cot, a bed which was piled high with blankets and furs. There was also a round table with several chairs around it and another larger table with maps and charts on it. There were many books and a chest and several pitchers along with another screened off area. I walked over to one of the chairs and sunk down into it, the blanket still wrapped tightly around myself as Dwalin walked over to a pitcher and poured something into two goblets. He walked back over to me and offered the goblet to me and I looked down into it and saw that it was wine. I shook my head and set the goblet down onto the table as Dwalin downed his, drinking deeply. He belched loudly and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand once he was finished and then he pulled out a chair across from me and sat down, looking at me expectantly.
"So," Dwalin said after a long moment of silence between us as I bit my lip, trying to figure out how to start this conversation.
"So," I said and Dwalin and I both smiled at one another before my smile fell from my face.
"What did Oin say?" Dwalin asked me, looking worried and I began to play with my hands in my lap before I reached across the divide between us and picked up one of Dwalin's hands, pulling it towards me and placing it on my abdomen.
"He said you're going to be an adad," I confessed to Dwalin who froze, his hand on my stomach as his eyes grew wide. At first I thought he had gone into shock, but then his fingers started to move, splaying out across my stomach and he curled them slightly inwards.
"Yer pregnant?!" Dwalin finally asked me in shock and I nodded as I held my hand over his and Dwalin frowned deeply, his face screwing up. "You knew," He accused as he pulled his hand away from my stomach, a look of deep betrayal on his face and I bit my lip as my hand remained over my stomach protectively. I closed my eyes, tears welling up in them once more and I nodded after a long moment.
"Yes," I admitted in barely a whisper, opening my eyes and I reached for Dwalin who pulled away from me. My hands froze in the air and I lowered them back to my lap, tears spilling over my cheeks. "I...I couldn't tell you," I told Dwalin quickly, trying to get him to listen. "I had to be there when you entered the mountain and I knew you would make me stay behind if you knew," I told Dwalin who was glaring at me angrily.
"Of course I would have made yah stay behind!" Dwalin growled at me as I swallowed thickly. "Are yah out of yer mind!? Yah could have died, our bairn could have died!" Dwalin shouted at me as he got to his feet suddenly, his chair falling over with a loud crash behind him that made me jump.
"I know. I never meant for any of that to happen! I didn't know that we would wake Smaug. I tried everything I could so that we wouldn't have to go to war," I reminded Dwalin who had begun to pace the length of the tent, but rounded on me once more.
"Yah could have stayed behind in the mountain when the war began!" Dwalin shouted at me and I rose to my feet getting angry at that.
"And Thorin would be dead! Azog would have killed him and no one would have been there to save him. We can argue about what I should have done now, but none of that matters. It's over. It's done," I told Dwalin who stomped over to me and stood in front of me, seething.
"It's not done! How am I supposed to trust yah to protect my child, our child, when yah throw yerself into battle!?" Dwalin asked me and I took a step back, feeling like he had slapped me in the face.
"How can you trust me?" I asked Dwalin, my eyes narrowing as I stared at him shaking my head. "This is my baby. Our baby! I love you! I'm not going to apologize for doing everything I could to save the rest of my family. Maybe I wasn't thinking about our baby first in that moment or myself, but I was thinking about you, you're my family too," I told my husband who threw up his hands.
"I can't deal with this right now," Dwalin bit out before he turned on his heel and strode out of the tent, fuming still. I let out a choked sob as soon as he walked out on me and I fell back into the chair, clutching my arms around my middle.
I wasn't alone for long before Balin was at my side. He pulled me into his arms and patted my back, trying to get me to calm. A goblet was pushed into my hands and I shook my head firmly, knowing that I couldn't drink wine while I was pregnant.
"It's just water, lass," I heard Oin say as the goblet was pressed into my hands once more and I took a few sips of water, my tears drying up as I calmed down. I was met with Balin, Oin, and Bilbo looking at me worriedly.
"He," I said before my eyes welled up with tears once more.
"Enough with that now, lass," Oin told me firmly as he made me look at him, tilting my chin until I was looking up at him. "None of this is good for yer bairn," Oin told me and I sniffled as I tried to get myself under control.
"Bairn?" I heard Balin ask Oin in surprise and then Oin explaining the situation to a confused Balin as Bilbo came and took my hand in his and squeezed it tightly as he tried to offer me some support.
"Yah need to eat now lass," Oin told me as he focused back on me once more. "Yer going to eat everything I put in front of yah and yer not going to give me any lip," Oin told me and I chuckled at that and wiped my eyes. "Balin, see to it that the lass is moved into this tent now that she is awake," Oin ordered Balin before he walked away to see to getting food for me.
"Aye," Balin answered Oin before he looked down at me, sighing. I was waiting for him to say something about the baby, but instead he changed the subject. "Dain has been seeing to business while you've been indisposed. Until Thorin is on his feet once more, the duties of the crown fall to you," Balin informed me, reminding me of my duty to our people and I nodded as I leaned down and picked up the blanket that had fallen from my shoulders when I had jumped to my feet and wrapped it back around myself to ward off the chill.
"And Dain understands this?" I asked Balin, glad for the change of subject. I could try and think about what to do about my marriage later.
"Dain is ready to back your claim for the throne as Thorin's heir," Balin confirmed and I sighed in relief. As long as Dain was willing to stand beside me, our people would recognize me as the leader of our people. They didn't know me from Adam, but if Dain claimed I was Thorin's heir they would trust him as Thorin's cousin.
"Well at least that is one problem solved," I said, putting my head in my hands for a moment and raking my fingers through my hair.
"Give my brother some time to come to terms with everything, namadith. He's less than eloquent when expressing his fears for you," Balin told me and I chuckled at that rolling my eyes.
"Less than eloquent?" I asked Balin, raising my eyebrow and he looked sheepishly back at me. "No, it isn't his fault. I lied to him. He has a right to be upset," I told Balin, shaking my head. "Kili, I didn't see much of his wound before I got sick. What do the Elves say about it?" I asked Balin, changing the subject and Balin's face fell into a grim line.
"His injury is far more severe than either Thorin's or Fili's. His shoulder is badly damaged. They're doing all they can for now to encourage it to heal, but the dead flesh is…," Balin began and I finished his sentence for him, recalling the putrid stench that made me vomit in the first place revealing this whole mess.
"Rotting," I finished and Balin nodded in agreement.
"Aye, lass," Balin confirmed and I heaved out a deep breath before moving on.
"How long has Tauriel been sitting with Kili?" I asked my brother in law next, having noticed that Tauriel looked exhausted besides being very stiff and completely strung out on emotion.
"She barely leaves his side," Balin told me, looking worried himself and I nodded at his answer, having figured that was the case.
"We need to keep an eye on her, make sure she's eating and resting," I told Balin as I sighed heavily once more. I could see quite clearly that Tauriel was Kili's One and she obviously cared for Kili if she refused to leave his side. If she wouldn't look out for herself then someone needed to look out for her.
"Tauriel has been banished by Thranduil from the Woodland Realm," Balin informed me then and my head snapped back to Balin in an instant.
"Why?" I inquired of my brother in law in surprise.
"She threatened King Thranduil when he was calling a retreat from the battle in Dale. Not to mention she left his kingdom without permission to hunt the Orcs who were on our trail. If she hadn't Kili would be dead," Balin informed me and I bit my lip as I mulled over the information before I nodded my head decisively.
"All the more reason to keep an eye on her," I told Balin firmly. "Tauriel is Kili's One. She's ours to protect and I will make sure that she is taken care of while my nadad cannot take care of her himself," I told Balin and then I frowned deeply. "You said she threatened King Thranduil, has he talked of retribution for her actions?" I asked Balin and he shook his head at my question.
"No, but she is not permitted to go anywhere within the Elvish camp," Balin told me and I nodded slightly at that.
"Do you know if she was injured in the battle? She didn't appear to be, but that means nothing," I inquired next and Balin frowned at my question.
"No, or at least not that she'll say," Balin answered me and I hummed at his response.
"That's my first duty it seems," I said and I began to rise from my chair to go and speak with Tauriel. If she had been injured, the longer she waited to be seen to the worse her injuries might become.
"Sit back down!" Oin snapped gruffly as he entered the tent carrying a tray and I turned my head to the mouth of the tent and sighed. "Yer first duty is eatin' all of this," Oin told me as he walked over and put the tray down in front of me on the table. I opened my mouth to say something and he gave me a rather pointed look. "No lip, remember," He told me and I sighed heavily and sat back down.
"Aye," I told him and I picked up the spoon next to the bowl of hot porridge that he had brought back for me to eat. "What else have I missed? The others, did anyone…?" I asked then as I tucked into my breakfast, trying not to worry too much, but feeling my stomach doing flip flops.
"They're all alive lass," Balin assured me and I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.
"Thank Mahal," I whispered and I rubbed my stomach, hoping it would settle as I ate.
"Bard and Thranduil have been working with Dain to clear the battlefields and search for the missing. We took heavy casualties, lass," Balin informed me with a deep sigh and I nodded, swallowing thickly before speaking.
"War is unkind to all. Speaking of which, we need to start preparing to bring the dead to Erebor. They deserve a proper burial inside the mountain," I told my brother in law, looking between both him and Oin.
"Indeed they do," Balin told me, looking pleased and I realized it was with how I was handling everything.
"I want to speak with Bard and Thranduil as soon as possible. We need to coordinate our efforts in order to best help our people," I said then as I tried to think of what we could do now that the battle was over. "We must also think of the people of Laketown. Winter is upon us. Tents are fine for now, but there are many who are sick and injured and that was before the battle. They'll need a more permanent place to reside this winter," I continued, as I mulled over everything in my mind.
"Dale was already in ruins and now it is barely standing. There's plenty of space inside the mountain for Dain's army and the People of Laketown to reside. We can begin to work on rebuilding Dale and Erebor this winter with our combined efforts. We owe it to the people of Laketown after destroying their homes, their livelihoods," I told Balin and he shook his head as he stroked his beard.
"Not everyone will like that idea lass," Balin told me and I nodded before sitting back in my chair and shrugging.
"Like it or not, we still owe it to them. We brought Smaug down upon them, destroyed their town in a firestorm. They've already lost so much. I will try to ease their minds by solving one immediate problem. With any luck, Thorin will take back control of the crown soon and these decisions can fall on him to make, but in the meantime, this is my decision. I know you think I'm cut out for this Balin, but I really have no idea what I'm doing," I admitted to my brother in law who reached across the table to pat my hand.
"Then just do the next right thing, lass. Listen to your heart and your head if you can," Balin offered by way of advice and I nodded in understanding.
"Then we offer the people of Laketown shelter for the winter," I told him and Balin nodded in agreement. I turned to Bilbo then who had been awfully quiet during our conversation. "Bilbo, are you alright? You've been awfully quiet," I asked the Hobbit and he seemed to break out of his reverie.
"Hmm? Oh, yes, I've just got a bit of a pounding in my head," Bilbo told me and he pointed up at his bandaged head. "I got knocked out. Didn't do much good," Bilbo said and I shook my head at that and reached over to put a hand on his arm.
"We would have died if it hadn't been for you warning us about Azog's second army, Bilbo," I told the Hobbit firmly, not wanting him to doubt his worth. "Truly you are the bravest Hobbit in all of the Shire," I told him truthfully and Bilbo blushed a deep pink all the way up to his ears. I rose to my feet then, pushing back my tray, having finished all of my food. I felt a bit better after eating even if I still was an emotional wreck.
"I can't sit here all day. There's too much to do and I can't have Dain doing it all for me," I told Balin before I looked down at what I was wearing. "I need a change of clothes. I can't exactly go out there dressed like this or without shoes on," I told Balin and he made an "ah" face before he gestured to the trunk at the bottom of the bed.
"Check the trunk, lass. King Thranduil has had his Tailor's Guild working nonstop to provide adequate clothing for everyone," Balin informed me and I nodded before heading for the trunk. "I'll be just outside when you are ready, lass," Balin told me then and I looked over my shoulder to see him, Oin, and Bilbo leaving the tent to give me some privacy.
"Thank you, Balin," I told my brother in law gratefully and once I was alone I took a few deep breaths, deciding that I would think about Dwalin later. I needed to think of my people right now.
I knelt down in front of the trunk and opened it, finding all sorts of clothes tucked neatly away inside. I sorted through them until I found a soft doe brown pair of pants that when I held them up to myself looked like they would fit and then I hunted around for a shirt. The one I found was made of a soft, moss green fabric and was stitched in an Elvish style. It didn't bother me that it was Elvish in design. I needed clean clothes and these were more than adequate to suit my needs.
I found that behind the screen was a basin with a pitcher of water and a privy, basically a wooden seat over a chamber pot. I washed myself with soap and water, feeling refreshed, did my business and then dressed myself. I was surprised to find that the pants were a little tight in the waist and when I looked down I saw that I had a little bump starting to form. My eyes welled up with tears and I placed my hands protectively over my little bump and rubbed protective little circles over it.
"I won't let anyone hurt you, baby, ever," I whispered to my little bump as I looked down at it. "Mama is here. Mama loves you," I said before I wiped my eyes and put my shirt on wishing more than ever that I had an actual bra for once rather than breast bindings.
I found a pair of boots and slipped them on before throwing a cloak over the whole ensemble to ward off the chill of the morning. I reached up and fingered the beads around my throat before tucking them away under my tunic and steeling myself before I walked to the mouth of the tent and poked my head outside. Balin was waiting for me as promised and he followed me back inside the tent.
"I know you're likely to fight me on this lass,"Balin began as he walked over to a table beside the bed and picked up a wooden box before carrying it back over to where I was standing beside the bed. "...but you'll need this if you are to stand in Thorin's place," Balin informed me and he opened the box, revealing a crown.
It was a simple Dwarven crown, made of mithril with sapphires on it. Compared to the crown that Thorin had scrounged up in Erebor, Thror's crown, it was very simple in comparison. I stared at it feeling as if reality was really setting it. All my life I had been nothing special and then when I arrived here I found out I was a princess and besides that, Thorin's heir. On the quest it hardly seemed real, but now I had to serve my people. Now I had to put them first.
"No, you're right. It's a way for our people to identify who I am," I told Balin as I realized why it was necessary. Even if I despised wearing a crown, even if I feared that I too might succumb to the Gold Sickness, I had to not give in to that fear.
"I...would you?" I asked Balin, looking at my brother in law and he nodded, putting the wooden box on the bed and he picked up the crown and gestured for me to kneel slightly. I knelt down a bit and Balin carefully put the crown on my head. The weight of it was heavy and as I rose back up to my full height and lifted my head I wondered how and why someone would want to wear something like this.
"When they say the weight of the crown on your shoulders, it's both figurative and literal," I remarked and Balin chuckled at that.
"I hope you like this one. I had Dain's men retrieve the simplest crown amongst the crown jewels," Balin informed me and I smiled at my brother in law, knowing that he put so much effort into caring for me.
"It's perfect, nadad," I told my brother in law before hugging him. "Thank you," I muttered into the crook of Balin's shoulder.
"For what?" Balin asked me in confusion as he drew back to look at me.
"Everything you do for us," I told him and he smiled and patted my hand before drawing it into his own.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," Balin told me before he slipped my hand into the crook of his arm. "You spoke of wanting to see Tauriel," Balin said and I nodded at that as I got my thoughts together, taking a deep breath and blowing it out.
"Yes, Tauriel and I need to talk. I also need to speak with the Elves seeing to Kili's care, I know they are doing everything they can for him, but on Hegg there were other ways of doing things that we might be able to employ to better his care," I informed Balin who nodded in understanding.
"You shall want to speak to Rînor then," Balin informed me as he led me out of the tent.
"Rînor?" I asked as we walked through the maze of tents. I was surprised when every Dwarf we passed bowed lowly to me, moving quickly to the side out of our way. Even when they were conversing with a Man or Elf they stopped what they were doing as soon as they noticed me and bowed lowly until we passed. Balin noticed my unease at their gesture and squeezed my hand and I took a deep breath and began to nod my head at the Dwarves we passed to show my respect in return, keeping my head held high and my shoulders back.
"Rînor is just one if the healers that has been seeing to Thorin, Fili, and Kili's care. You met him last night," Balin answered my question and I hummed slightly as I matched the name with a face.
"Has it really only been two days?" I asked Balin as I looked about the camp and how much was being done in just a short period of time.
"Aye lass. I don't think any of this would have been possible if you hadn't had tried to knock some sense into Thranduil and Bard before the battle. Of course we have Gandalf to thank too for things running so smoothly," Balin said and I frowned at his mention of the wizard.
"Where is Gandalf?" I asked Balin having last seen the wizard before the gates of Erebor.
"Somewhere around here. Most likely he is with the Elves that came from Rivendell," Balin said and I stopped in my tracks and looked down at Balin with wide eyes.
"Rivendell?" I asked Balin, shaking my head then.
"I keep forgetting you don't know," Balin said, shaking his head. "An army of Elves from Rivendell and Lothlorien were sent by Lord Elrond and Lady Galadriel according to Gandalf. They joined the Elves from Mirkwood and helped to clear the Orcs out of Dale," Balin informed me and I closed my eyes for a minute before opening them.
"Later," I told Balin and he nodded before leading me the rest of the way to the tent that housed Thorin, Fili, and Kili.
Tauriel was still sitting beside Kili clutching his hand tightly even as the Elf from the night before, Rînor, stood beside Kili's bed. I could smell the stench of rotting flesh and from my vantage point could see that he was trying to flush out Kili's wound. I put a hand over my nose and urged my stomach to settle. Rînor turned to look over his shoulder as we entered the tent and he looked slightly concerned as his eyes fell upon me.
"Perhaps my Lady should come back later once these injuries have been seen too," Rînor said and I shook my head as I approached Kili, cot taking deep breaths in through my mouth rather than through my nose.
"Thank you, but I'll manage," I told Rînor who bowed his head before he went back to his work. I crossed the room and skirted around the bottom of Kili's bed, glancing up and seeing the full extent of Kili's injury.
It was bad, really bad. I could see muscles that had been torn apart, a gaping hole in his shoulder that had been repaired to the best of their ability. If he had any use of his arm again I would be very surprised. My thoughts went then to the fact that it was Kili's bow arm. He might never again be able to draw his bow. Kili was pale and his brow was sweaty, his brow turned down into a frown, but other than that he looked almost peaceful in the enchanted sleep the Elves had placed him in. I was thankful that he was unconscious as they worked on him. Without modern day painkillers, the pain from an injury like that would be nothing short of excruciating not to mention having to smell your own rotting skin.
I took a deep breath and stepped up to Tauriel, approaching her as I would a frightened animal. I knew she might lash out at me, but I had to try to get her to come away from Kili and get some rest and eat something. I knelt down beside her and put a hand on her arm and Tauriel made no sign that she even knew I was there. I looked around the room, figuring out my next approach at this and I got up and walked over to the pitcher of water, pouring a cup before walking back over to Tauriel and putting the cup to her lips.
"Come on honey, you need to drink," I told Tauriel in a firm, but motherly tone as I rubbed Tauriel's back and got a bit of a response from her, her eyes flicking towards me. "That's it, come on honey," I told Tauriel as she let me tip the cup back and she drank a few sips of water before stopping and refusing to drink any more. I set the cup down on the floor beside me and put a hand on Tauriel's knee. "I know you want to protect him, honey, but Kili wouldn't want you to stop eating or sleeping," I told Tauriel firmly, getting more of her attention now.
"He's not going anywhere. I promise, I won't take him from you. I'm not going to make you go anywhere. You don't even have to leave this tent," I told Tauriel in a soothing tone as I continued to try and coax her to let go of Kili's hand. "See, there's a bed right over there," I told Tauriel, pointing to the cot I had vacated the night before. "You can sleep right there and then if Kili needs you, you'll be right here," I told Tauriel and she looked between Kili and the bed, her lip quivering slightly.
"You need sleep honey," I told Tauriel, rubbing her arm. "I know you're exhausted. You need to eat too. I know it hurts. Believe me, I know," I told Tauriel as she looked down at me, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "You have to be strong for him. That means you need to take care of yourself," I told Tauriel firmly and she looked at Kili once more. "Come on honey," I told Tauriel and I offered her my hand as I stood back up to my full height and after staring at Kili for a long moment she slipped her hand into mine and let me pull her to her feet.
She didn't say a word but let me lead her over to the empty cot and I got her to sit down on it. Balin, who had left as I spoke with Tauriel, returned with a tray of food, a bowl of broth and some bread, nothing that would shock her system. Tauriel stared at her hands in her lap, her eyes still filled with tears so I pulled up a chair beside her cot and fed her spoonful by spoonful until the bowl of broth was empty. Once she was finished eating I got her to lay down and I pulled the covers over her. She stared almost unseeingly as she laid there so I began humming as I rubbed soothing circles on her back, encouraging her to close her eyes. Once she did Rînor came over and he put his hand on her head and spoke several quick words and Tauriel began snoring lightly.
"A healing sleep, nothing more," Rînor informed me once he removed his hand from Tauriel's head. "I had begun to worry for her. I worried she might Fade," He said as he looked down upon the sleeping Elf.
"Fade?" I asked the Elven healer as I got to my feet as quietly as I could so as not to wake Tauriel, though I doubted I would.
"When an Elf loses the other half of their Fae or they are deeply impacted by emotion they can begin to Fade. Their body becomes merely a memory of their Fae. Most Elves who experience Fading sail to the West to the Undying Lands,"Rînor explained to me and I frowned at him.
"But Kili did not die," I said and Rînor nodded in agreement.
"Tauriel feels a deep grief over what happened to him. She feels it was her fault," Rînor explained and I shook my head at that and looked down at the red haired Elf.
"Bolg could have killed them both. Kili is alive, they both are. That's all that matters," I told Rînor before sighing heavily. "I'd like to see his injury," I told the Elven Healer. "I'm a healer myself," I added and Rînor bowed his head.
"It is quite gruesome my Lady, prepare yourself," Rînor warned me before leading me over to Kili's bedside and he pulled back the cloth covering Kili's wound and showed me the gaping hole in his shoulder. I gagged on the putrid smell that still made it to my nose despite the fact that I was breathing through my mouth. I forced myself to swallow the bile that was threatening to rise in the back of my throat and I leaned over Kili's shoulder to inspect his wound. I could see the necrotic flesh that despite Rînor's best efforts looked and smelt disgusting.
"Have you thought of using maggots?" I suddenly said as I thought back to modern day medicine and how they still often used maggots to get rid of the dead and dying tissue so only the healthy tissue was left behind.
"Maggots?" Rînor asked me with a surprised expression on his face as I pulled back from my inspection of Kili's wound.
"Maggots only eat dead flesh," I explained to the Elf, gesturing to the necrotic tissue around Kili's wound. "They leave healthy flesh alone. If we use maggots to eat the dead flesh around his wound we can see how much healthy tissue remains," I said and the Elf looked thoughtful as he listened to my explanation.
"I have never considered their use before my Lady, but I see merit in what you say," Rînor told me before nodding. "There is little harm they could do, but where to find them?" Rînor said as he inspected Kili's wound and I grimaced as I answered him.
"The dead," I said and Rînor straightened back up and looked at me, his eyes slightly wide. "It's been two days since the battle. Any bodies left on the battlefield will attract flies who will produce maggots. I don't like the thought of collecting them from our dead, but we may be able to use them to help the wounded, not just Kili but others with wounds like his," I told Rînor who mulled the thought over before nodding in agreement.
"I will instruct our apprentices to collect maggots from the dead. While I like the thought little too, if indeed it works you are correct, many injuries could be healed," Rînor told me and I nodded, grateful that he was willing to listen to my rather strange idea, or strange for these people.
"I'd like to help where I can. I know you serve King Thranduil, but I wish for you to come to me if you need anything. I will ensure you have proper supplies. Your people also need adequate rest," I told Rînor before I looked to Balin. "Dain brought healers amongst his army I'm sure," I said to Balin who nodded in agreement.
"Indeed, my Queen. They have been working with King Thranduil's healers," Balin informed me and I hummed and nodded, letting it go for now that he was using formal titles with me.
"I will speak to Dain, see if we can't request more healers from the Iron Hills," I said and Balin bowed his head before I looked back to Rînor. "Please if there is any change with my kin…," I began and Rînor bowed his head to me.
"I will send for you right away, My Lady," Rînor assured me and I smiled at him.
"Thank you," I told him before turning to Balin. "Balin, take me to the others," I told my brother in law, putting a hand over my little bump, trying to comfort myself and my baby and Balin nodded, slipping his arm through mine and leading me out of the tent. I needed to see the others and assure myself that everyone was alive and well. I hoped that they could all forgive me for lying to them or at least that they wouldn't react to the news the way Dwalin had. The Company was my family and if I was going to lead my people I would need the help of my family to see this through.
Khuzdul:
Amrâlimê
Namadith- Little sister
Adad- Father
Nadad- Brother
Gaelic:
Mo chridhe- My heart
