Author's note: I was working on a longer piece for Christmas, but it won't be ready in time so I offer this in its place. Also just want to add that I've resumed working on "Blues", if anyone is still interested. Merry Christmas to all.
When the bells began ringing, Jean immediately recognized them: the ones at Sacred Heart, calling the parishioners to Midnight Mass. The Catholic Church had abandoned her over three years ago, and although she would attend Christmas services at the nearby Anglican church in the morning, it never felt quite the same to her. Even after all this time she didn't feel as close to God as she had at the church she'd attended for most of her life.
Oh, she didn't regret her decision to choose Lucien over Catholicism - she wouldn't trade the two years with him for anything in the world. And if losing him so soon was the price she paid for turning her back on her religion, then so be it. She had made her peace with that, even if she still felt deep in heart that he couldn't really be gone. Lucien was a force of nature; his light couldn't possibly be extinguished so easily.
She had learned not to express those beliefs around her friends and family since it seemed to upset them. Only Amelia retained her faith in Lucien. Her sweet granddaughter had whispered to Jean that she'd asked Santa to bring her Papi home to her. It was the only thing Amelia had requested, much to Christopher's consternation.
She tried to put thoughts of Midnight Mass out of her mind, returning her focus to the salad she was preparing for the morrow. She had received a number of invitations for Christmas dinner, this being the first without Lucien, but she'd declined them all, insisting she would continue the tradition of hosting all their friends at the Blake home. Lucien loved celebrating the holiday after the many years when it had been an ordeal for him to see others feeling the joy of the season. Jean would do it for him, making sure to invite anyone who might otherwise be alone.
She finished everything that could be prepared ahead of time. Amy had offered to stay and help her, but Jean had insisted she could manage, urging her niece to accept Peter's invitation to a party at the home of one of his fellow constables. Jean knew she'd get little sleep this night anyway, haunted by thoughts and memories of Lucien, so she'd rather stay busy as long as possible before she faced her lonely bed.
Now it was after one in the morning, well past the time that mass ended. She knew that Sacred Heart would be empty now, and on a whim she decided to pay a visit to her old church. She knew very well it wouldn't feel quite the same, but somehow she was sure she would feel closer to God there than anywhere else. And she needed to feel close to God to ask Him to watch over Lucien, whether or not he was still alive.
She took a scarf to cover head and dashed off a quick note to let Peter (or anyone else) know she'd be back shortly, then she picked up her purse and headed to Sacred Heart. She walked at her normal, brisk pace, but the closer she got, the more she wondered if this was the right thing to do. When she reached the door of the church, she hesitated for just a moment before steeling her resolve and entering. Automatically, she dipped her fingers in the font of holy water and blessed herself. She couldn't help remembering when she saw Lucien do the same as he entered the building after Father Morton's death.
As she had anticipated, the church was empty. There were candles still burning on the altar, but the only other illumination was from the small guide lights at the outside of each pew. Jean made her way silently up the aisle. About a third of the way from the front, she genuflected and slid into the pew. She reached down to move the kneeling bench into place and slid forward to kneel upon it and pressed her palms together.
Again she blessed herself and began to pray. "I know I don't really belong here any more, dear Lord, but I think, I pray that you'll still listen to my plea. On this, the day of your birth, please watch over him, wherever he is. I won't even ask you to send him back to me, although that's my dearest wish. Just keep him safe."
She paused, thinking it probably wasn't appropriate, but what more could the Church do to her now anyway? With a mental shrug, she addressed Lucien directly. "My love, if you're out there, please come home to me. It doesn't have to be for Christmas, it's probably too late for that, but by New Year's would be quite all right. Just be safe, my dearest."
Preparing to leave, she said softly, to both God and Lucien, "Thank you for listening." Then she blessed herself, stood and put the kneeling bench back in its upright position, genuflected in the aisle, and silently left the church.
Walking home through the dark and quiet streets, she gazed up at the stars, thinking of the star of Bethlehem that shone so brightly all those years ago to lead the way for the shepherds and the Magi. As she glanced in the direction of home, she saw a particularly bright star shining directly overhead. Probably just a planet, Mars or Venus, she thought, although the symbolism wasn't lost on her.
She turned the corner onto Mycroft, wondering if she might be able to get some sleep now. Running her mind over the preparations she'd made and what remained to be done, she was almost to the house when she realized there was a car parked in the drive. Peter's friend dropping him off? It must be, since there were two men standing at the front door, although neither of them seemed to be the lanky Peter.
She hurried forward, her heart in her mouth that it might be news of Lucien, especially since the car had government registration plates.
"May I help ..." she began, but stopped when she recognized one of the men - that sergeant who'd tried to kill Lucien and later accused him of murdering Derek Alderton. What was his name? Hannam?
And then the other man, the one closest to the door, turned toward her, and her heart stopped before beating so fast she could actually feel it.
"Jean." Tentatively, unsure of his welcome, he held his arms out to her.
"Lucien," she breathed, before rushing into his embrace.
He held her tightly, almost squeezing the breath from her, and she held him just as tightly.
Behind her she heard Hannam clear his throat. "I'll just be going, then," he said as he withdrew.
"Merry Christmas, Sergeant," Lucien called after him.
Jean thought fleetingly that she should at least offer him a cuppa, but for once she would shirk her duty and concentrate on her husband. "Come inside," she urged, "so I can get a look at you."
She unlocked the door and drew him with her, through the foyer, toward the living room where she'd left a light on. She drank in the sight of him. His face was thinner, and the grey that had just been starting to show at his temples was much more pronounced now, as was that in his beard. But his eyes (what had first drawn her to him) still shone with his love for her.
They held a questioning look as he leaned down toward her, but there was no question at all in her response as she stretched up to meet his lips with her own. The intensity, the hunger, in that kiss was enough to prove that neither of them had lost one bit of their love for each other.
When it ended and they stood there gazing into each other's eyes, Lucien began to speak, clearly intending to explain, but for Jean all of that could wait. Hannam's presence meant somehow it was related to national security, intelligence work, and there would be a time for him to tell the tale, but that wasn't now. Right now she only needed to be with him.
She put her forefinger to his lips to quiet him. "Are you hungry? Shall I put the kettle on?"
He shook his head. "All I need is you, my dearest Jean."
"Good," she said, taking his hand.
As she led him up the stairs, she whispered a prayer heavenward. "Thank you, and Merry Christmas."
Friends and relations send salutations
Sure as the stars shine above
But this is Christmas, yes, Christmas my dear
The time to be with the one you love
So won't you tell me, you'll never more roam?
Christmas and New Year will find you home
There'll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain
And I'll be happy, happy once again
