Chapter 31
October 31st was in two days. Harry always disliked the specific date because things always happen on Halloween. While he hadn't had any disasters happening the past Halloweens, those times that something did will haunt him forever.
Harry felt restless for over a week. He had no idea what he was worried about. He's not even sure if he's actually worried or just feeling anxious over nothing. In the last few years, Harry barely had time to realize the date. In New Clethall, he didn't have a constant reminder of his parents' death around him. In the UK, it seemed like everything came back to him all at once. Seeing Hogwarts castle from his shop in Hogsmeade reminded him of his struggles in school the first time he arrived not knowing anything. Surrounded by the Weasleys reminded him of a family he should have had. Even looking at Severus and their son made him feel a little torn.
Severus did notice Harry was becoming more and more agitated. He was deeply concerned especially when he realized how close the day was to Halloween. Harry had rational anxiety over Halloween brought upon by his parents' murder. He discovered that in Harry's 6th year, on the Astronomy Tower at the dead of night, Harry breaking down white clutching on a photo album. It was one of those times Severus saw Harry not as James Potter but himself, a broken boy desperate for family, for acceptance, for love.
Severus was the same. Every night on the 31st of October, he would drink a bottle of muggle whiskey staring at a photo of him and Lily when they were children. Even now, he still cannot forgive himself for the role he had on Lily's death. Albus never failed to remind him that Voldemort would target the Potters regardless of his actions but Severus always knew that the fact that it was he who brought the prophecy meant he was the one to give them their life sentence.
Harry forgave him, though. Harry with his perpetual compassion, that regardless of the guilt forever be tethered in his soul, with Harry accepting him for all his faults, he felt like he had hope... he does have hope. His family was his hope.
"Harry?" called Severus. They were eating dinner in the kitchen and Harry's silence started to worry him.
The man looked up from his plate of pesto chicken bake and gazed distractedly at Severus. "Hmmm?"
"Are you okay, love?"
Harry was okay, or so he thought. There really was no reason not to be. He sent his lover a small smile and a nod. "I am fine, babe."
The little boy who was initially focused on eating his meal also noticed his father's silence. He knew his daddy very well. Daddy wasn't always quiet, especially at dinner. Dinners were happy meals but this dinner was very quiet. Sebastian peered at his daddy and tilted his head in thought, "You sad, daddy..."
"Daddy's not sad, sweetheart. Just a little distracted," reasoned Harry, brushing Sebastian's hair.
Sebastian arched both his eyebrows quite similar to his papa. He stared at Harry for a minute before nodding and going back to his meal.
Harry smiled warmly at his son and glanced at Severus, "I'm sorry for being too preoccupied these past days."
Severus waved a hand dismissively, "It is of no matter, Harry. I do understand your predicament with the upcoming Halloween. I just want you to know I am here for you if you need someone to talk..."
Harry did not bother replying and instead stood up from his chair and leaned in to kiss the man's mouth. Severus always understood how Harry felt and sometimes the fact that someone else knowing what he was feeling was enough to comfort him.
"Thanks, Sev."
"You are most welcome, my love," said Severus with a small smile though it faltered not a minute later and Severus continued, "If I may suggest, why don't you go and visit your parents' grave?"
Harry's eyes widened a fraction. He honestly hadn't thought about that. He spent all his life not knowing where his parents were buried that it no longer came into his mind, and only visited once, ironically on a Horcrux hunt. He hadn't even spent more than a few minutes at the cemetery.
Yet, Harry found he wanted to go... No, he needed to go.
"That's a great, idea, Severus," exclaimed Harry. "We can go tomorrow instead so -"
"We?" interrupted Severus. "I will not be going, Harry." His voice was firm but soft, both certain and vulnerable at the same time.
"Why? Is it because of my dad?"
Severus shook his head, "While it is a factor, that is not the only reason. I do not want to desecrate your parents' grave, love. I am at fault why they were there in the first place. I have no right to honor that experience with you. I may have hated your father but I will respect that he would not like to see his son in a stable relationship with someone twice his age, his enemy, and an ex-Death Eater at that."
Harry rounded the table and wrapped his arms around Severus' shoulders. "Listen to me Severus Snape, you are not the one who killed them. We talked about this. You are going to be my husband and I am proud of it. My dad is dead, he cannot dictate my life. He never had. You are my life now and I am happy with how it's going. I want you to come with me. We'll go visit as a family, please."
"Do not think for a second that I'll do anything you want just because you say 'please' and look at me with those eyes," drawled Severus, taking a sip of his glass of red wine.
Harry ignored his husband's exclamation and sat right on his lap, bringing both his palms to the sides of Severus' face, "Please, Sev."
Severus groaned. He's utterly a goner.
"Fine. I will accompany you tomorrow," muttered Severus, leaning over to kiss Harry's cheek softly.
It was a bright sunny day when the little family apparated to Godric's Hallow. The sun's glare was so intense that the parents had to apply protection charms on Sebastian's sensitive skin. There were barely people in the area that day but Harry could spot children from the distance wearing costumes. Godric's Hollow used to be a purely magical town, protected by muggle-repelling wards but fewer and fewer wizards and witches stayed causing the wards to fall, that muggles have started building residences in the area.
The three walked towards the muggle-repelled Godric's Hallow cemetery, hand-in-hand with the little boy in between. While it was Harry's second time in the area, it was Severus' first time. All those years, Severus never wanted to return to the same place he last held the body of his childhood friend, to have her unseeing eyes stare at nothing before him.
When they reached the two tombstones, Severus did not think he'd feel quite as affected as Harry yet he could not stop feeling much grief. Harry never knew his parents but Severus had been friends with Lily since he was 9 and suffered 7 years of bullying from James. Even if he thought James Potter was nothing but a goddamn arse, he should not have died that night. And as much as Severus hated admitting, James Potter died a brave man. If not for the man, he might not have his Harry and their wonderful miracle with him today.
Severus was too engrossed with his jumbled feelings that he had not noticed Harry stepping forward and kneeling in front of the tombstones, placing the flowers they brought with them. He hadn't even noticed the words written on the stones. When he did, though, a small sad smile graced his lips.
"The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death."
It was fitting, thought Severus, for two brave people. He pulled Sebastian up in his arms and moved closer to Harry. The man had his head down, palms brushing over the stone inscription reverently, like it was gold. Severus didn't know what to say to his lover. There was nothing he could say to take away the pain of losing his parents in a war he, too, almost lost himself in. He understood the pain and he understood the only thing left for them was to move forward... to finally move forward.
Harry was on his knees right between his mum and dad's graves. There must be a charm placed around the graves as the wreath he conjured almost four years ago was still there.
Harry used to dream about what it felt like to have his parents with him, especially when he was younger, locked in the cupboard. He dreamed his parents would come to rescue him at night and take him away but he'd always wake up disappointed. Yet, he never did believe his Aunt and Uncle telling him his parents were worthless beings. He knew deep inside that Lily and James Potter loved him with all their hearts.
He realized how little he knew about his parents. All the people around him talk about how much he looked like his father but not one, not even Sirius or Remus, sat him down and talked to him about his parents other than their lives as Marauders. And that was not one of those things Harry would have liked to know. No one ever told him his father's middle name was Fleamont. No one told him his mum's birthday was on January 30, 1960. She would have been Harry's age that night. But no one ever told him anything. Not one... until Severus.
Severus who told him his mother's favorite flower was not lilies but Asters, the same flowers Harry brought that day. It was him who shared stories of his parents' childhood (It turns out, Severus knew enough of James Potter from Lily), and not of their roles in the war and their untimely death or the color of his mother's eyes. It was Severus who made his parents seem real.
"Papa?" He heard Sebastian whisper to Severus' ear, "that my grandpa and grandma?"
Severus nodded and pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Yes, my prince, that's your daddy's mother and father."
"Oh..." Sebastian furrowed his brows in thought before continuing, "but where's your mummy and daddy, papa?"
Severus didn't want to say his father was in heaven because if heaven was indeed real, that man won't definitely be there. He hadn't had the chance to reply as Harry stood up and replied for him, "They're gone too, darling. But you have your many Grandmas and Grandpas, right?"
Sebastian nodded enthusiastically, reaching out for his daddy. Harry took him from Severus' hold and kissed the man sweetly on the lips. Harry pulled away, smiling softly at the love of his life, and whispered, "Thank you, Sev."
It was amazing how the quietest of words have the loudest of meanings.
It was done.
The potion was done. It only took them roughly 7 months to finish the project which itself was a huge accomplishment. All those family dinners he missed, those failed potions blowing upon his face, all those hours away from Harry and his little prince... Severus knew it will be worth it.
While the potion was only able to grow out external organs for now, Severus had made it so that it can also grow a temporary uterus for male pregnancies just by adding powdered Black Cohosh. It wasn't tested yet but Severus was the top Potions Master in England, perhaps even Europe, and he would never give Harry something he wasn't sure would work or at least safe.
No matter, Severus asked Smyth to postpone the publication until after his and Harry's marriage. He wanted it to be a surprise to Harry on the night of their bonding celebration. He could not wait until he saw his lover's face when he received the gift. Severus knew it would be priceless! Smyth understood and was actually anticipating the Boy-Who-Lived's reaction.
If the gods bless them and they may conceive a child, the first ever to be conceived naturally by two men, Harry would experience a relatively normal pregnancy, but he would have to give birth through his anal passage. He wasn't sure if Harry was up to the challenge but he very much hoped he was. Severus was willing to carry their child for them but due to the years of Cruciatus curses from the Dark Lord, his body can no longer hold such a difficult task.
But oh, he was starting to dream about another little boy with auburn hair and emerald eyes. He dreamed of him holding the precious bundle in his arms, the tiny hand wrapped around his fingers as he drinks from his bottle. He imagined his son would be so much like Harry... that sense of adventure, the bravery, the shyness, his talent for Quidditch, and a true-born Gryffindor. Severus never thought he'd be excited to see his child wear that red and gold scarf on his neck. Sebastian was already 100% Slytherin, there was no doubt about that, and Severus also had no doubt that the little boy he dreamed of would be a Gryffindor even though he hadn't met him yet. He can see him so clearly he could almost touch him...
It was that night that Severus came home with a huge grin on his face, a very uncharacteristic look on him even after meeting Harry. He could not stop himself from being delighted with the news he received that day.
Severus walked into their room, unable to join them again for dinner. He thought himself the luckiest man in the world that his Harry was never one to doubt him. There was really nothing to doubt about. Harry was and will always be the only one Severus ever truly loved, and Harry likely knew that. Severus made sure he did.
"Sev!" exclaimed Harry happily when Severus entered their room. Harry was lounging on their chaise at the foot of their bed with a book on his hand.
Severus walked over to Harry and bent down to kiss him passionately, his tongue plunging without warning into Harry's mouth, wanting to taste every inch of him.
Harry moaned and pulled himself up to wrap his arms around Severus' neck, clutching on the man's decent-length hair thus making him groan in pleasure.
"Harry..." whispered Severus after pulling away, panting and staring straight into green eyes.
"Severus..." whispered Harry back, flushed and tousled. Severus then crushed the younger man into his chest and hugged him tightly.
"Sev?" called Harry softly, "While I am pleased to be greeted like that, and I expect that every night from now on, has anything good happen today that brought out this... cheerful you?"
Severus chuckled and pulled him closer, resting his chin atop Harry's hair. "All good things, my love. You... Sebastian... our family."
"Well, awesome, babe," giggled Harry, "but can you loosen up a little I can't breathe."
He let go of Harry but instead of preparing for bed, he vanished all their clothes making Harry gasp at the sudden use of magic on him. Harry arched his eyebrow at the man and smirked wryly, folding his arms on his chest and teasingly stretching his legs on the chaise. Severus was standing only two feet from Harry, his eyes darker than ever.
"Alright, you old man... ravish me."
"Luna gave birth last night," informed Harry over breakfast. "We received an owl this morning."
"I supposed we should send them a gift then," conferred Severus, buttering a toast for Sebastian. The 3-year-old was patiently waiting for his papa to fill his plate so he can finally start eating.
Harry nodded and made mental note to order a gift basket for Luna, Rolf, and their daughter, little Estelle. He couldn't wait to meet the beautiful star!
"Aunt Luna's baby out now?" asked Sebastian. His eyes were wide with excitement. Harry knew Sebastian wanted to have more children to play with. He spent his first two years without the presence of one and now that he knew how much fun playing with friends was, he craved for more. It was lucky for them they have friends who have children or will be having children that way Sebastian may grow up around little kids.
"Yes, darling. Her name is Estelle," said Harry with a smile.
Sebastian peered questioningly at Harry, "A girl?" The boy was deep in thought, brows furrowed in confusion. Both Severus and Harry chuckled at Seb's adorable face.
"Yes, Estelle is indeed a girl," informed Severus formally, glancing at Harry with a slight smirk.
"Why I not a girl?" Sebastian finally asked after a few moments.
The question startled the parents. They did not know what their son meant. Did he want to be a girl? Was he just curious? Harry stared at Severus with his jaw dropped before clearing his throat.
"What do you mean, Seb? Do you want to be a girl?" asked Harry carefully.
Sebastian quickly shook his head, "No, daddy. I like being a boy... but Tori is a girl and then... Stelli is a girl. Are first babies 'posed to be girls? I'm the first baby..."
Severus held back a smirk from Sebastian's description of himself as the first child, as if he knew he won't be the only one. The question though... he had to admit, Sebastian had a keen mind to come up with that sort of conclusion. It was entirely wrong but a child's mind was truly wonderful.
Severus pulled their son to his lap and tilted his chin up to look at him. "Firstborns are not always girls, Sebastian. Your Uncle Bill is also a firstborn but he is not a girl, is he not?" Sebastian shook his head again. "It is a matter of chances, love. Your daddy and I are very lucky to have you as our little boy."
Sebastian beamed at Severus and Harry, "I very happy too!"
Severus heard Harry sigh in contentment and noticed him glancing at him for a split second, knowing exactly what went through his mind.
Severus can only imagine what his life would have been like if he had not found Harry and Sebastian. The dungeon bat professor with a very short temper disappeared every time he's with his two men. It was like his days of suffering under the whims of a madman were nothing but nightmares now.
Even their fights were something to cherish. Between the two of them, they had a lot of pent-up anger. Whenever they're at a disagreement, Harry would sometimes accidentally channel back his 5th-year temper and Severus would hide under his dark, bloody git of a mask.
But at the end of the day, Harry would always shyly glance at Severus, flushed and regretful. Severus would never fail to make up for his faults. Sometimes the make-up sex was even more passionate. Both would never go to bed angry at each other, something Severus learned from Linda, and Harry from Sam. It was good advice, Severus thought. It certainly avoided them lingering frustrations.
Not that he needed Harry to grovel at his feet when the man did something stupid. No, Severus could never stay mad at Harry, exactly the opposite of what he saw of him 5 years ago.
Nothing else mattered for Severus now than his family.
