I am back and with a very long chapter. These chapters get a little long cause I am writing them completely from my head and I just write to a point where I feel like they end rather than cutting them in two so I hope that you don't mind that. I would rather give you a long update than small choppy chapters.
I really enjoy writing this story and I am so sad it is almost over. :( But I cannot thank you all enough for your support. I never thought I would even finish this story. It was something I started working on once than twice and then never had enough time to work on until this pandemic happened.
I'm about to start back at school so hopefully updates will be as frequent as they have been, about once a week, until I finish this story. I'm furiously trying to finish writing the last few chapters before I go back to school in a few days.
Whelp enough of me blabbering on and on, onto the good stuff. If you got this far, have a Covid free virtual hug.
Mels xoxo
Adaira's POV
I could hear my family before I could see them and I drew Balin up short as my heart filled with relief and joy. We had survived, all of us. Mahal had seen us through this battle. Everyone had doubted us, thought that Erebor could never be reclaimed and we proved them wrong. We had taken back the mountain and what is more we defeated Azog and his armies.
Balin patted my arm, looking up at me expectantly and I nodded, letting him know that I was ready and I let him lead me into the long tent that the rest of the Company seemed to be inhabiting. When we entered, none of them noticed as it seemed they were having a bit of a celebration. I shook my head, a wide grin immediately pulling up the corners of my face. The scene reminded me so vividly of Rivendell, especially due to the fact that they seemed to have made a fire with the Elves' furniture once more.
It was Nori who first noticed our arrival and he elbowed Bofur in the ribs, the hatted Dwarf turning around to look at Nori who pointed at me. Bofur let out a cheer which was quickly raised by the others and en masse the Company swarmed Balin and me. I was passed around, hugging each of my friends tightly, some of them twice, before they were satisfied and Balin disgruntledly told them to settle down before he went to take a seat.
Dori began fussing over me and ushered me over to a seat by the fire and while I usually was not one for people fussing over me, I allowed him to mother me. The others retook their seats and the fire cracked merrily as I warmed my hands. Before I could really settle in, Bombur brought me a large tankard, a pale ale sloshing within and foam slightly spilling over the side. I tried to refuse it, but Bofur accepted it from his brother and thrusted it into my hands, sloshing me with ale and I grimaced.
"It's only the finest brew from the Iron Hills! And we've got cause to celebrate, lass. To reclaiming Erebor and to you slaying that…," Bofur said before he called Azog some rather choice words which dissolved into Dori tittering at Bofur about poor manners and bad language.
"I…," I began as Bofur and the others looked at me expectantly and I looked at Balin and Oin feeling unsure about what I should do. Dwalin's reaction, while understandable had left me reeling. I wasn't too sure how the others would take the news. Still, they deserved to know. After all, we were family and they were the people I trusted most in my life.
"While I'm sure it is the finest ale and we do indeed have much to celebrate, I shall leave the drinking to all of you," I told Bofur and I handed the ale back to him. The others stared at me in confusion as I pretty much stopped their celebration and I sighed heavily as I tried to figure out how I should go about this. Balin nodded at me, gesturing me to go on and I nodded in understanding and looked at the others in turn.
"I...I guess I should just come out and explain it to all of you," I said shaking my head, knowing that they were bound to notice something was going on when they saw that Dwalin and I weren't talking to one another. "There's no easy way to say this…," I said, stalling and the others were hanging on my every word. "I'm pregnant," I finally came out and said and I was worried when a long moment of silence fell over the tent, everyone staring at me.
I jumped about a foot in the air then when the Company let out a whoop of excitement and I was suddenly surrounded by the Company as they fought over each other to congratulate me. Dori began fussing over me more and it was Oin who called for everyone to settle down and give me some space. I couldn't stop the smile that found its way onto my face as my family began talking about my baby, Bofur excitedly talking about making toys for the babe and Dori and Ori conversing about making blankets and clothes. Oin nodded, looking approving as I sat and drank a cup of tea, conversing with my excited family, until the elephant in the room was addressed.
"We should drink to the bairn's health! Where's Dwalin lass?" Gloin asked me suddenly as he poured himself another tankard of ale and I froze, words failing me. I looked down at my hands which were folded in my lap and I heard the conversation die down as everyone stared at me.
"Dwalin…," Balin began, trying to come to my rescue, but I shook my head and looked up, taking a deep breath.
"Dwalin and I got into an argument," I revealed to the others as I looked up from my hands. "I...I didn't just find out about the baby. I had my suspicions before we left for the mountain," I admitted before blowing out a deep breath and I could see a few members of the Company frown at this revelation.
"Dwalin is understandably angry at me because I lied. I didn't tell him about the baby and I put myself in danger knowing that I might be pregnant," I continued and I shook my head, looking back down at my hands. "I knew I had to fight though or Thorin and Fili and Kili would have died. They still could. I just...I wanted to save my family. They're all I have left and I know Dwalin is my family now too and I just…," I rambled on, tears starting to well up in my eyes and Ori put an arm around me and hugged me tightly.
"Angry or not lass, yah need him right now. Walking out on yah is inexcusable," Gloin grumbled and his statement was met with agreement from the rest of the Company. "Yah didn't lie to him, lassie. Yah didn't even know for sure yerself," Gloin told me as he came to sit beside me and he put a hand on my knee. "Yah fought for yer kin, lass. That's hard enough in the best of times. Thorin, Fili, and Kili are alive," Gloin told me as Bofur settled his coat over my shoulders. "Yer not alone, lassie. You've got all of us," Gloin reminded me and I smiled at that and leaned in, knocking my forehead to his affectionately.
"My family," I said as I pulled back from Gloin. "We might be a bit rough around the edges, but I wouldn't trade you all for the world," I told the Company before laughing. "This baby is going to have a lot of very protective Uncles," I told them and bright grins covered every one of the Dwarves' faces.
"Dwalin will come round," Bofur assured me cheerfully as he took off his hat and plopped it down on my head, right over my crown before he looked at Bombur. "Hey Bombur, let's feed her properly," Bofur called to his brother who grinned and moved to where he was keeping their supplies, beginning to get something ready for me.
Even though I had eaten not too long ago I was surprised to find that I actually was rather hungry. I felt like a Hobbit when Bombur put a plate of sausages, cheese, and bread in front of me. I ate everything on my plate wiping the crumbs off my clothes and listening to the conversations going around me. Bifur was sitting quietly by the fire across from me, whittling a piece of wood and I frowned as I looked more closely at him, my eyes widening as I realized that he no longer had an axe embedded in his forehead.
"Bifur," I said and the Dwarf in question looked up from his work and met my gaze. "Your axe! How...when did you?" I asked in surprise and Bifur grinned at me.
"A troll wanted tah play tug o' war with it," Bifur said then in perfect English which was slightly accented and he grinned wider as my mouth hung open a little in shock.
"You can speak English again...Westron," I corrected myself at his confused look before I got up and crossed over to the other side of the fire to sit down beside him and I hugged him tightly. "I'm so happy for you," I told Bifur, knowing how frustrated he would get when he couldn't get his meaning across before.
"Thank yah, lass," Bifur told me, bumping his forehead gently to mine.
I spoke with Bifur for a long time, both of us enjoying how the conversation could flow freely between us now. I had always made a point of speaking to Bifur even if it took awhile for him to get his point across. It was only when a Dwarf, dressed in armor, ducked into the tent and looked around for a moment before he spotted me and approached me, bowing on one knee in front of me, that the reminder of my new position and duties came back to me.
"My Queen," The Dwarf addressed me, still bowing before me as everyone's conversation ceased and I started a little as I realized the Dwarf was addressing me.
"Rise," I told Dwarf and he rose back to his feet and looked down at me. I knew I must be a sight, wearing Bofur's hat and coat and sitting amongst the Company. I didn't exactly look like a Queen and I probably didn't garner any confidence in my abilities as one either.
"Lord Dain requests the presence of your company," The Dwarf informed me formally and I nodded, trying to act like I knew what I was doing.
"Of course," I said as I rose to my feet, taking Bofur's hat off of my head and holding it out towards Bofur who took it back from me. I tried to give him back his coat as well but he refused to take it back so I removed my cloak and gave it to Bofur before slipping my arms through Bofur's coat and settling it onto my shoulders.
"Balin," I said as I looked to my brother in law who was already on his feet and he walked over to my side and he bowed low before me before I looked back to the Dwarf. "Lead the way," I told the Dwarf and I slipped my arm through Balin's as the Dwarf bowed lowly before me once more before he turned on his heel and began to lead us from the tent.
Balin and I followed the Dwarf who had come to escort us to Dain through the winding streets of the tent city and he led us to a large tent that was set up in a central location of what I had come to figure out was the Dwarven half of the tent city. I ducked through the entrance to the tent and was met with the smell of pipe weed, ale, and wood smoke. Dain was sitting at a table smoking a pipe and eating a large plate of food and I grimaced at the smell of the acrid smoke, feeling a bit sick, but I swallowed down the bile that threatened to rise in the back of my throat.
"My Lord," Our Dwarven escort said as he entered the tent before us and Dain looked up from his plate and grinned brightly as he saw Balin and I behind the Dwarf.
"Ah ha! Cousin!" Dain said, rising to his feet and waving off the Dwarf who bowed to me once more before departing from the tent. Dain walked over to me, his arms stretched out wide and he threw them around me, pulling me into a tight hug.
"Dain," I said in a slightly squashed voice as I patted his back and Dain finally let me go and took a step back from me.
"It's Adaira right?" Dain asked me and I nodded in confirmation and Dain reached up to scratch his beard. "Can't say I've ever heard of you, lass, but Gandalf vouches for yah and so did Thorin," Dain said before he gestured to a chair across from where he was sitting. "Please, sit," Dain told me and I smiled at him and took a seat as Balin came to stand beside me, Dain sitting back down across from me.
"You haven't heard of me because of the situation surrounding my existence," I spoke up as Dain regarded me, obviously trying to figure me out. He might be vouching for me for Thorin's sake, but he still didn't know me from Adam. Dain raised a bushy eyebrow at me and I took a deep breath before beginning my explanation.
"My adad, Frerin was captured during the Battle of Azanulbizar along with my grandfather, Thrain. From what I know, they were both imprisoned. Whilst imprisoned, my adad meet my mother Alayla, a fellow prisoner.
"Alayla? Of Nordinbad?" Dain asked me, his curiosity peaked and I nodded in confirmation.
"She was captured by Orcs whilst on a diplomatic mission, her guards slain. I don't know why they wanted her, but she was my adad's One. At some point, my grandfather married my adad and Alayla, my amad," I explained to Dain, trying to piece together the story myself as I told it to him.
"I was born some time whilst they were imprisoned, of that I am certain. My adad never liked talking of what happened, but during our Quest I found out that my father escaped with me somehow and he happened upon the wizard Radagast. He…," I said, biting my lip and looking over my shoulder at Balin as I tried to figure out how to tell Dain about Hegg. Balin nodded at me, encouraging me to continue and I sighed and turned back to Dain.
"Radagast says it was the will of the Valar to protect me. He had a dream where Eru and Mahal came to him and he was shown a way to send my adad and me far away from Middle Earth where no evil could touch us. We were sent to an island called Hegg in another world," I said and Dain frowned, but did not interrupt me so I plowed on.
"I grew up there. Adad taught me Khuzdul and about our people and about Erebor, but I don't think he ever thought we'd come back here. When Thorin decided to set out for the Lonely Mountain, the Valar thought it was the right time to bring me back to Middle Earth. Mahal planned this, planned everything. I was sent away from Middle Earth because Mahal tasked me with being the one to determine the fate of the Line of Durin," I finished before falling silent as I waited for Dain to say something.
"It's not possible. I've seen wizards perform magic before, but…," Dain began, but Balin cut him off as Dain shook his head.
"Gandalf is certain of it. Mahal has visited the lass several times and he's visited my brother. He's been guiding Adaira during our Quest, every step of the way," Balin informed Dain as I looked back at my brother in law, smiling slightly as he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently. "Adaira is Frerin's daughter," Balin told Dain and Dain nodded before shaking his head.
"Well, the Valar always have had a will of their own," Dain finally said and I sighed slightly in relief as he accepted my story. "Where's Frerin lass?" Dain asked me then, raising one bushy eyebrow and my throat constricted as I remembered the sacrifice I had made.
"Adad…. He's….," I said, before shaking my head and looking at my hands which were folded on my lap. "When we lived on Hegg, he went out on a fishing boat one day and he never came back. There was a sudden storm and he fell overboard. I thought he was dead. I thought I lost him for good, but in Erebor, a voice led me to this room. It's like a tomb and now it will be," I told Dain, tears welling up in my eyes and sliding down my cheeks and Dain looked slightly alarmed.
"My adad's been here all along, brought back to Middle Earth and to Erebor. I had to make a choice. The Arkenstone was never a gift, it was a curse. It caused madness and greed and brought down the Line of Durin. When it was found, Thror's gold sickness only worsened because of it. There was an inscription I found in Durin's resting place in the Misty Mountains, where he slumbered before he awoke on Middle Earth," I explained to Dain, trying to pull myself together as I wiped at my eyes and Dain leaned forward as I spoke of Durin and my findings.
"The Lady of the Mountain, the Queen of Carven Stone, the Savior of Durin, shall come into her own. And the Mountain will sing in gladness, at it's Daughter's return, it's Halls shall echo from within, a defining noise of Broken Curses, find the Glowing Stone, hidden deep within, all that glitters is not Gold, nor Gifts of Named Kings. A Sacrifice must be made, heed these Words well, for more than Dragon's slumber under its Spell," I recited for Dain, the inscription now committed to memory.
"When we were battling Smaug, a deafening noise came from the mountain several times. We take that to mean "a defining noise of Broken Curses," Balin explained to Dian who nodded as he reached up and began to stroke his beard.
"A sacrifice must be made, heed these words well, for more than Dragon's slumber under its Spell," I recited once more before shaking my head. "The Arkenstone somehow held my father under a spell, but it held Thorin under one as well. To break my father's I needed the Arkenstone as it was, but to break Thorin's I needed to destroy the Arkenstone and with it the curse that held Thorin in its grip. So I made a sacrifice. The battle was going poorly, your men were being slaughtered before the gates of Erebor. We needed Thorin, our leader and our King. I destroyed the Arkenstone and with it all chances of ever breaking the spell the Arkenstone held over my father," I told Dain who sat back in his chair at the news, an expression of shock on his face.
"Frerin lives?" Dain asked me and I nodded, but then shook my head.
"He'll never wake though," I told Dain who nodded before he shook his head.
"You've sacrificed much for our people. It's never easy to make these sacrifices, but yah remember after a time all those who are counting on yah and looking to yah for guidance. Aye, we needed Thorin, we needed our King to rally to. Now we need our Queen to rally to. We've suffered heavy losses and might suffer many more once those who were wounded fight their next battle," Dain told me and I nodded in understanding as I remembered Thorin's words of having to put your people first.
Our Quest had been about putting our people first, about providing for them. My sacrifice had been for our people too. I had put my desires aside and done what was best for our people. It was not an easy sacrifice to live with, but what was the alternative? Thorin consumed by madness? And how could I have chosen one father over the man who had become like another father to me?
"I will be honest with you Dain, I was not raised as a Princess. I didn't even know that I was one until I met Thorin for the first time. I don't know the first thing about being a Queen, but I have a willingness to learn. Our duty now is to ensure that our dead are treated with dignity and our wounded are given the best care we can give them. We owe them that," I told Dain who smiled at me warmly.
"Aye, lass," Dain told me and I inhaled deeply before deciding that I had better try and get a few things sorted seeing as I had already wasted two days.
"You said we took heavy casualties in the battle," I prompted Dain who nodded, growing more somber at my inquiry.
"Aye, over half of my army was cut down on the battlefield," Dain informed me and I shook my head, lowering my gaze to my hands which were still folded in my lap and I closed my eyes for a moment.
Too many had died in this battle. Dwarves, Men and Elves alike. I still needed to speak with Gandalf to learn of what had delayed him and what he had known about these armies, but that could wait. For now we had to begin the laborious and emotional process of readying our dead for burial. It would not be an easy task and my heart went out to the ones who had already begun to recover their comrades from the battlefield.
"Where are you in the process of clearing the battlefield?" I asked Dain next, opening my eyes and raising my gaze to the ginger haired Dwarf once more.
"We've barely begun," Dain answered me with a shake of his head. "We've started recording a list of the missing as well," He added and I frowned at that.
"Are there many missing?" I asked him, fearing that like my father and grandfather, Orcs had captured Dwarves and dragged them from the battlefield.
"No, and most likely we'll find them amongst the dead," Dain told me and I hummed under my breath and nodded at his answer.
"I want those who feel up to the task to clear the battlefield to be on a voluntary basis. Not everyone can handle such a task emotionally. While I have found that Dwarves try to appear stoic and as if nothing affects them, this is not an easy task to undertake," I told Dain who began to protest so I raised my hand to stop him.
"I have complete faith in everyone of your soldiers Dain, do not misconstrue my words as thinking they are weak in any way, but your soldiers are comrades, brothers even in as they should be. It is a gruesome task we must ask of them to undertake. Seeing that much death is too much for anyone," I told Dain, shaking my head and sighing deeply.
"Aye, lass, when you put it like that," Dain agreed and I nodded, glad that he understood me now.
"Where are our dead being...brought to after they are taken from the battlefield?" I inquired of Dain and he frowned feeling just as off about this as I did.
"We've been bringing them to a location closer to Erebor, downwind of the camp," Dain answered me and I nodded in understanding.
"I wish to honor our dead as they rightly deserve. They fought bravely and gave their lives for us. As such, I think it is only right that they be returned to stone within Erebor," I told Dain who sat back in his chair and stared at me for a long moment before smiling slightly and bowing his head to me.
"It shall be done," Dain told me and I smiled at him kind of awkwardly for a moment before I plowed on with the next order of business.
"Our wounded must be seen to next, what do you have to report on that front?" I asked Dain as I tried to prioritize what came next. Fighting a battle was easy enough, but the cleanup and what came after needed to be handled promptly.
"There are those beyond help. Our Healers are trying to make them as comfortable as they can. Others are in better shape and should pull through. I sent a raven to the Iron Hills requesting more healers and additional medicine and supplies. Thranduil has been oddly accommodating on that front," Dain informed me and I hummed and nodded.
"I was surprised to see everyone working together when I awoke given the display between both you and him before the battle. I would have thought you both would have decided to see to your own kin," I commented and Dain seemed to redden slightly.
"I have no love for the Elf still, but he offered aid to us and I would have been a fool not to have accepted," Dain said and I nodded in agreement.
"Speaking of King Thranduil, I should meet with him and King Bard and discuss an alliance," I said and Dain made a face at this. "It looks like we will be in each other's company for quite some time and if we work together rather than against one another we have a better chance of helping all of our people," I told Dain and I gave him a rather pointed look.
"I know of the feud between Durin's folk and King Thranduil and I think much of it had to do with the fact that my great grandfather Thror refused to give King Thranduil the Gems of Lasgalen which belonged to Thranduil's late wife that Thror promised to repair after they were broken. The time has come for us to put aside old feuds and start fresh. Erebor cannot hope to prosper once more without trade and Dale and the Greenwood are the other two Northern Kingdoms. It is not a sign of weakness to put forth the olive branch first, rather a sign of strength," I said and I nodded to myself in determination.
"Bard will certainly be more open to an alliance than Thranduil, but perhaps after everything that just occurred Thranduil might be more ready to listen," Balin said and I looked back at my brother in law and tilted my head to the side.
"I intend to have Gandalf act as a mediator at whatever meeting we have. Gandalf knows more than he's saying and I would like to know what he discovered in Dol Goldur, besides my grandfather. If Thrain has been there all this time...that is where my father was held prisoner and my mother. It's where I was born. I want to know why and for what purpose," I told Balin who nodded, his eyes slightly wide as he realized I was right and I turned back in my chair to look at Dain.
"First things first, I think I should visit the wounded. They need to know that they are being thought of and that their care is a top priority to me. None of your soldiers know who I am, but they need to see that I am not just wearing the crown and calling myself a Queen," I said as I rose from my chair and Dain smiled at me, Balin looking proud as I caught his gaze. Balin nodded at me and I took a deep breath and let it out, letting Dain escort me from the tent.
Dain led me to the Healing tents that had been hastily set up for our people and when I entered them I had to steel myself for a long moment. The cloying smell of herbs somewhat masked the smell of blood and pus and other bodily excretions. Healers moved about quickly from bed to bed, the sounds of pain filled groans and moans filling the tent. Those who were not so injured instantly took notice of our entrance while healers both Dwarven and Elven alike worked side by side.
I began to move from bed to bed, speaking in a low voice trying to offer words of encouragement to the injured. Many tried to rise from their beds to bow to me and I hurriedly forced them back to their beds. Others were so delirious with pain they didn't even realize I was there. I spent more time with those close to death, offering prayers to Mahal for them, asking that their passing would bring them peace. I tried to give them each my time as I had nothing else to give. Balin only pulled me from the tent when the late afternoon sun was setting and I finally rose from beside the bed of a dying soldier, my back cramped as well as my legs.
He led me out into the fresh air and I finally allowed a few tears to slip free of my eyes, crying for those who couldn't be helped before I wiped them away and took a few steadying breaths, not wanting anyone else to see me like that. I knew that I had to remain strong because everyone was looking to me now. I had to be the backbone of our people, guiding them, the lighthouse in the fog. Balin walked me back to my tent which was empty, the braziers lit thankfully, offering me comforting warmth to ward off the cold that had set in as night fell over the camp.
Balin had strong-armed me into a chair before leaving for several minutes and when he returned he had a tray which was piled high with food. He sat with me and watched me eat every bite of it before he tucked me into bed and told me to get some rest. I allowed myself to cry then as I curled up under the furs, the bed feeling too empty without Dwalin beside me. Where was he? I put a hand down on the little bump that now was more apparent and I gently rubbed little circles over it, finally falling asleep after exhaustion set in.
When I woke up the next morning the bed was still empty and rather than crying I rose from the bed and got dressed, knowing that I had too much to do today and our people had to come first. I spoke with Balin over breakfast, protesting to the fact that he had appointed me guards from amongst the Company before finally giving in and allowing them to escort me everywhere I went about the camp. My days began to take shape, going over the most important information over breakfast with Balin, checking in on Fili, Kili, and Thorin and speaking with Kili's healer.
The maggots had begun to eat the necrotic flesh and not only had the smell gotten better, but we could see more of what good flesh remained. His injury looked more promising and Rînor was more hopeful as was I. Tauriel still refused to speak but Rînor had gotten her to eat more and she was sleeping which were both good signs. I wished I could do more for Tauriel, but my attention was drawn away from my kin all too quickly as I had to deal with other issues that arose in the camp.
Most of my time was spent either with Dain trying to navigate the politics of wearing the crown or amongst the injured, giving them what comfort I could. I had already sat with several Dwarves through their passing into the halls of their forefathers and I wept for each of them. I added my own prayers to Mahal for these Darrow and hoped that they would find peace.
Balin was my constant rock, pulling me away when he thought that it got to be too much for me and ensuring that I found time to eat. I stopped myself on the second day, asking for a moment alone and reminded myself that as much as I needed to see to my people, I needed to take care of myself. I had life growing within me and my baby was depending on me to take care of it.
"Alright little bean," I said to my baby, taking a deep breath as I calmed my nerves, a hand over the now more apparent bump showing on my midsection. "We can do this," I told my baby before I squared my shoulders and left my tent, ready to face my people once more.
I continued to give them my time and care, but I also remembered to pull back when it became time for me or when I needed to eat or rest for a few minutes. I needed more than just five minutes to shovel food into my mouth after all and I was no good to anyone if I was overstressed and tired. I had barely any time to think of my own personal problems, but I didn't forget about them or Dwalin. They sort of just got put aside for the time being and I realized just how much of yourself you had to give in this position.
It was on the third day into my reign as Queen that I sat down and took up a quill and some paper and began to compose a letter to my Aunt. No doubt word of the battle that had taken place would spread across all of Middle Earth and I would rather news of what had happened to Dis' sons and brother come from me even if my Aunt didn't know me. I had only written to her once before informing her of my existence so hopefully she would trust my words.
Imad Dis,
My name is Adaira daughter of Frerin, son of Thrain, son of Thror. I have written to you only once before when the Company of Thorin Oakenshield was delayed at Rivendell for several days, informing you of my existence.
I write to you now as word has no doubt reached you of the battle that has taken place at the very gates of Erebor. Rather than hear the news from another source, I wished for you to receive word of the fate of your kin from family.
Your sons and brother live. They were injured in the battle and for now are being looked after but they live. In Thorin's stead, as his heir, I have taken over the task of ruling our people, a task I must say, I feel very unqualified for. Balin however is my faithful advisor and steadfast confidant and together we are doing what we can for our people.
I wish for you now to hear of the truth of what has happened. Samug is dead. Erebor has been reclaimed. Bard of Laketown, descendant of Lord Girion of Dale, slew the dragon several nights ago with the last remaining Black Arrow. Many men, women, and children of Laketown died in the firestorm as the town was destroyed. We woke the dragon.
Thorin changed even before we entered the mountain. He fell to the goldsickness that befell Thror,your grandfather. He attacked a member of our company and even myself. For many days after we reclaimed the mountain, Thorin had us searching endlessly for the Arkenstone. He would not sleep or eat and was consumed with paranoia thinking that the other members of the Company were out to get him or were betraying him.
I, as his heir, promised your sons that I would do everything in my power to help him. I wrote to the Lord of Rivendell, Lord Elrond, asking for his assistance in the matter, but King Thranduil and Bard, newly named King of the people of Laketown came to the mountain and were promising war.
Thorin was not in his right mind and would have let us go to war with both Thranduil and Bard without a second thought and so I asked the members of the Company to come to an agreement on the matter. With Thorin's best interest in mind, we overruled his decision and we deposed him as King and I, regretfully and unwillingly, took up the crown in his place until such a time until we could help him.
Whilst trying to come to a peaceful resolution with both King Thranduil and King Bard, a siren like voice that was Erebor itself called out to me and led me to a hidden chamber within the mountain Within this chamber we found…
I stopped writing here, not knowing how exactly to describe to my aunt what exactly we had found in a way that didn't sound mental. With everything that had happened since the battle I had yet to really think about my father and what I had sacrificed in order to save Thorin from his madness. Without the Arkenstone, there was now no chance of me ever getting my father back. He was so close and yet so far. I could touch him and physically see him, but he would never wake up.
Within this chamber we found my father Frerin, held under an enchanted sleep. We found inscribed upon the wall this message, "In slumbers deep, he dreams of old. Brothers bound, their fates entwined. A Gift of Named Kings holds them under its one a gift, another a curse. Heed these words well. A choice must be made or else all will fall to its spell."
We worked out from this warning that the Gift of Named Kings was the Arkenstone. The brothers bound under the spell were Thorin and my father, Frerin. Already, the others in the Company had begun to change, becoming quicker to anger or in the case of my husband, very possessive of me. (I realize here that I should inform you that Dwalin son of Fundin and I are married. He and I recognized each other as each other's Ones and Thorin married us two months ago now. )
The sacrifice that we discovered needed to be made was that my father could only be awoken from his enchantment if the Arkenstone was kept as it was, but the spell that had befallen Thorin leading to his madness could only be broken if the Arkenstone was destroyed.
It was a choice only I could make. Mahal has visited me several times and is in fact to thank for my existence. It is a long and complicated tale and one told better in person and I hope one day to be able to tell it to you. Suffice to say, Mahal has tasked me to determine the Fate of the Line of Durin.
When the battle began it did not start with Azog attacking. Thranduil, Bard and myself were discussing peace when Dain's army arrived. I had not known that Thorin had sent for him and Dain refused to stand down his army for anyone, save Thorin. He began attacking Thranduil and his army and then Azog and his forces arrived. Dain turned his attention to Azog's army instead and then the Elves joined them in fighting the Orcs. The Men of Laketown joined them as well and the battle began.
We stayed in the mountain at first, deciding what to do. It was your son, Fili who said he was "going over the wall." I held firm that I would not stop them if they chose to fight. Dain's army was being slaughtered in front of the gates of Erebor and I could do nothing. We were only fourteen of us, but I knew that we needed Thorin, that the Dwarves needed their King to rally to.
I destroyed the Arkenstone and thus broke the spell that held Thorin in its grips. I made the ultimate sacrifice for our people. Many times Thorin has reminded me that we need to put our people first and he is right. The last several days I have had to take on the mantle as Queen and I can now truly appreciate what that means. Do not worry about my words, I have but only a little left to tell you.
Thorin and I readied for battle and joined the others. We ran out the front gates of Erebor and Dain's army rallied to their King. With Thorin at the lead, we drove back the Orcs in numbers untold and decimated Azog's army. Knowing that the only way to end things was to get rid of their leader, Thorin gathered us and we advanced towards Ravenhill where Azog was signalling his army from.
Dwalin, Fili, Kili, Thrain, Thorin, and I rode to Ravenhill and at first it was quiet, only a few Orcs to be driven back. (I should mention here that your father is alive. Gandalf the Grey discovered him within the ruins of Dol Goldur. He is safe, recovering ro his ordeal. I do not yet know how his imprisonment will affect his mind, but he seems sane enough and is surprisingly uninjured).
It was here that we split up. Fili ,Kili, and your father Thrain went to scout out the ruins of a tower while Dwalin, Thorin, and myself stayed behind. An army of goblins were coming for us and the three of us handled them. We heard a sound then, drumming and then Azog appeared. I will never forget the sight. He had Fili by the throat and he started speaking. I do not know what he said but suffice to say it was threats. He went to kill your son, but your father saved him, throwing a dagger at Azog which lodged in Azog's shoulder and Azog reeled back in surprise and dropped Fili.
Fili fell from a great height but he was caught by Thrain and Kili. The battle began then, and Kili rushed for Azog in his anger. I too rushed to stop Kili just as Thorin did and we fought many Orcs as we scaled up the ruins on Ravenhill. Thorin began fighting Azog and Azog knocked Thorin onto the surface of the frozen lake. Many Orcs were sent to kill Thorin and I skidded out onto the ice, getting to him before the Orcs and we fought side by side.
Arrows began flying down from above, Orcs that were charging at us dying like flies and we looked up and saw that an Elf was shooting them down from above, Thranduil's son, Legolas of the Woodland Realm. Thorin and I got separated then and I was occupied with many Orcs. Azog himself resumed his fight with Thorin and they began fighting on the ice.
I don't know what happened during their fight before I turned back, but somehow Azog ended up under the ice. I turned around when I heard Thorin shout. Azog had shoved his sword arm through the ice and through Thorin's foot at the same time. He then sprang up through the ice and had Thorin pinned down. Thorin had blocked the blow, but I could see that his strength was failing him and Azog had the upper hand as he was letting gravity and his weight and position to slowly push his blade further and further towards Thorin. I could see it as I already had…(another thing better explained in person). Thorin was going to let Azog stab him so that he could then kill Azog.
So, I did the only thing I could think of and I had my husband toss me. I sailed through the air right at Azog, slammed into him and we sailed back almost over the waterfall and my dagger went straight through his head.
Kili, we've been able to piece together fought Bolg, Azog's son along with the Elf, Tauriel and my cousin Lyssaria. His injuries are unfortunately the greatest of the three, but we are confident that he is in good hands and his injuries are showing signs of improvement every day.
Thorin received an injury to his midsection. Azog did unfortunately stab him just as I knocked into the Orc. According to Oin if I hadn't have done so, Thorin might not be alive. The injury only required stitches and Thorin is being held in an enchanted sleep at the moment courtesy of the Elven healers so that his pain can be dealt with more easily and his body has a chance to heal before he starts moving around. He's rather stubborn and I know when he wakes up he'll be a right terror.
Fili received a shallow stab wound to the back along with two broken ribs, a broken wrist, and a broken collar bone from his fall. We won't know of his overall condition until he wakes up. Like Thorin he is also being held in an enchanted sleep for his own comfort.
Kili…
I wrote before chewing on my lip, not knowing how to tell my aunt about the condition of her youngest son. Fili's injuries were bad enough and so were Thorin's but Kili's were bad. I sat on it for several long minutes, getting up and getting a glass of water, pacing the length of my tent, and taking a minute to step away from writing to get my thoughts together before I went back to writing.
Kili received a very bad wound to his shoulder. I will not lie to you, we are very concerned about it, but we are doing everything we can to treat his injury. Kili shows signs of improvement every day and he is being held in an enchanted sleep like his brother and Uncle. Oin and an Elven healer see to Kili, Fili, and Thorin round the clock and when I can, I offer my own help as well.
I do not wish for you to worry about your sons and brother though I know that you will no matter how much I try to assure you. I wish that you could be here for them as I know that a mother's love is the best medicine, but our people must come first. This winter is shaping up to be a difficult one and we must pass the winter before we think of having our people return to Erebor.
I know that you do not know me, but I hope that you will write to me. I wish to keep you apprised of what is going on as I know that Thorin is likely to forget as are your sons. They love you dearly and have told me much about you, but they do get scatterbrained often. I shall try to keep on them about keeping up with their correspondence. I also wish to get to know my aunt and hope that you will want to have a relationship with me.
Yours sincerely,
Adaira
After finishing my letter I found one of the members of the Company, who were oddly loitering outside of my tent, and asked them if they could see to it that somehow my letter was sent as it was very important. Nori assured me that he would see to it and I went back to my tent and crawled into bed, grabbing onto what would have been Dwalin's pillow and hugging it tightly to my chest, trying to get comfortable. I wasn't used to sleeping alone, having either slept next to Dwalin or with all of the Company around us since the quest began. I sighed and after a time fell asleep, the exhaustion of the day hitting me hard and dragging me down into sleep.
I woke up suddenly, the tent still thrown into deep darkness and I frowned as I lifted my head from the pillow, trying to figure out what it was that had woken me. I looked towards the mouth of the tent and that was when I heard the loud arguing voices. I huffed out a deep breath and pulled myself from my bed, finding the flint and tinder and lighting a candle beside the blinked in the low lighting, as I made out the argument taking place outside my tent.
"This is not how you want to greet her!" I heard Balin hiss to someone, sounding frustrated and like he was fighting with someone.
"She's my wife, I'll decide how I wanna...," I heard my husband slur, sounding very drunk and irate indeed.
"Lower yer voice!" Oin hissed and I found a cloak hurriedly and pulled it over my shoulders knowing that this was getting out of hand now.
"Yah leave her for three days and come back stinkin' drunk,"Gloin accused Dwalin as I shook my head.
"Come back in the morning when you've a clear head," I heard my brother in law plead with my husband.
"What are yah doin' keeping me from my wife?!" Dwalin angrily asked his brother and I strode to the mouth of the tent and walked out of it. Gloin and Oin were blocking the mouth of the tent so I didn't get far and Balin was trying to pull Dwalin away from the tent, Dwalin fighting against him and stumbling over his own feet. He smelt like the bottom of a barrel and he was more than just stinking drunk.
"Let him come in," I said and everyone turned to me, looking surprised by my sudden presence.
"You should be in bed, lass. And not even a thing to cover yet feet. I won't have it!" Oin told me, trying to usher me back inside my tent and I raised my hand, stopping him as I stared past him at Balin and my husband who was just staring at me.
"We will not cause a seen like this, not out in the open where anyone could see it," I told Balin firmly and Balin nodded in agreement. "If my husband would like to enter my tent, he may," I told my self appointed guards before I turned around and walked back into my tent, deciding that if they really wanted to discuss this they would follow me.
I walked over to the braisers and began stoking them as they had begun to burn low. The coals began to burn brighter, heat coming off of them again and filling the tent and I warmed myself beside the first before moving to the second and adding more coals, stoking it as well. I didn't look back as Dwalin pushed his way into the tent, the other three following close behind him.
"Meddlin' old coots," Dwalin grumbled as he walked straight over to the pitcher on the sideboard and poured himself a large glass of water. I smiled slightly to myself as I watched him knock it back, knowing it probably wasn't what he was looking for.
He lowered the glass and looked down into it with a betrayed look on his face before he turned back to the sideboard and tipped the pitcher back to look into it. I heard him grumble something under his breath at his finding and he turned back to look at me and he held up his glass, tipping it over and letting the rest of the water in it splash onto the ground.
"No wine?" Dwalin asked me as I raised an eyebrow at him.
"You'll not find anything here to continue your…," Balin began and I held up a hand stopping him before he could say anything he didn't mean or that would make the situation worse than it was. Balin stopped and I pinched the bridge of my nose. I inhaled deeply and slowly let it out, counting to ten in my head before I opened my eyes and looked at my husband.
"Why are you here, Dwalin?" I asked my husband, crossing my arms over my chest tiredly, wondering what was so important that he decided that he needed to speak to me now.
"A husband needs a reason to see his wife?" Dwalin slurred and Gloin growled under his breath as Oin glared at him.
"A husband," Gloin said, not impressed and then he turned to me. "I say we toss him out on his ass," Gloin told me and I put a hand on his arm, trying to calm him down.
"Toss me out eh?" Dwalin asked, starting to make his way towards Gloin, but he stumbled over his feet and had to reach out to catch himself on the table which swayed dangerous to the side under his weight before falling back to the floor.
"Namad, this is not a situation that is good for you or the bairn," Balin told me as he drew me to the side. "It's best we let him sober before you talk," Balin told me and I shook my head, putting a hand over Balin's.
"He wouldn't hurt me, Balin," I told my brother in law before correcting myself. "He won't hurt me," I said before I turned and looked at my husband. "I won't fight with you if all you're looking for is an argument. I'm not discussing anything with you tonight. You can either leave or get some sleep and we can think about talking tomorrow," I told Dwalin pointing between the bed and the door of my tent.
Dwalin stared at me for a long moment and seemed to think about it before he turned and stumbled towards my bed. He fell onto it on my side of the bed, face first and I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them. Oin shook his head and looked concerned as he made to move towards the bed, probably to remove Dwalin from it.
"Lass, I don't think…," Oin told me and I stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder.
"He won't hurt me. He may be drunk, but he would never lay a hand on me," I told Oin firmly and Oin nodded knowingly.
"I still don't like it," Gloin grumbled and I nodded and looked back at my husband who was still face down on my bed.
"Dwalin and I need to work things out. Just not tonight. I can handle him, Gloin," I told Gloin before I ushered the three men towards the door to my tent.
"Well, we'll be just outside in case," Gloin told me and I nodded, smiling at them.
"Thank you," I told Gloin and after the others left I turned and walked over to the pitcher and poured myself a glass of water. I sighed loudly and drank it before I walked over to the bed and tapped Dwalin on the leg. He grunted loudly so I knew he was still awake.
"Roll over onto your side," I told my husband, knowing that he'd be more comfortable and also if he threw up, I couldn't really roll him over onto his side myself.
Dwalin began trying to roll over and it took him several attempts too, but finally he had wiggled over onto his side and he had his face smooshed into my pillow, his limbs askew. I rolled my eyes and began to pull his boots off, deciding that I didn't want his dirty boot clad feet in my bed. Once his boots and socks were off I crawled into bed and pulled my other pillow out from where it was under Dwalin's body. I stuffed it under my head and bunched it up, rolling onto my back before settling a hand over my bump as Dwalin began to snore loudly beside me.
"Well little bean, daddy's here," I said to myself before rolling towards Dwalin and staring at him. I watched him for several long moments, just watching his chest rise and fall before sitting up and leaning over to the nightstand and blowing out the candle.
I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep but found it harder to fall asleep this time around with Dwalin so close to me, yet so far away. I fell asleep sometime near dawn and got a few more hours of sleep, waking up to an empty bed once more. I yawned and with closed eyes reached towards where Dwalin should have been out of instinct only to meet empty sheets.
My eyes flew open and I sat up and looked around my tent, expecting to find Dwalin gone again. Instead I found him sitting in one of the chairs at the table, his head in his heads. He looked physically pained and I made a "serves you right" sort of face, humming slightly before rolling my eyes. I yawned and stretched my arms over my head before pulling back the furs and swinging my legs over the side of the bed.
I grabbed my discarded cloak from the night before which was still at the end of the bed and after I stood I tossed it over my shoulders and drew it close to me to ward off the early morning chill. I shivered slightly as the cold air touched my feet, but thankfully the cloak came down quite far and trailed behind me. I approached my husband, trying to decide how I should go about this situation. I decided that obviously Dwalin was in no condition to talk at the moment and I was actually quite annoyed with him.
"Good morning," I said as I stood in front of Dwalin and looked down at him and he groaned and pushed the heel of his hands into his eyes and I hummed at that, a little pleased he was suffering for his stupidity.
I headed for the mouth of the tent and poked my head outside to where I knew the others would be standing guard. Just as I thought, Dori and Bifur were standing on either side of the tent flaps, guarding the entrance into my tent and they were talking lowly to one another. They fell quite as soon as I appeared and looked uneasily back towards the tent so I smiled brightly at the both of them.
"Good morning," I greeted the two Dwarves cheerfully so as not to alarm them or make them think they had to come to my defense.
"Good morning, dear," Dori greeted me as Bifur also said a low good morning. Dori looked a bit fretful and I placed a hand on his arm and rolled my eyes while gesturing with my head back towards the tent.
"Dwalin's gone and given himself a good hangover," I remarked, shaking my head and Bifur chuckled at that as Dori frowned deeply at that. "Nothing I can't handle," I added quickly when he opened his mouth. "Could you bring him something greasy for breakfast? And a small, very small tankard of ale. I doubt he'll want to look at one after last night, but it's the quickest cure for what ails him," I said and Dori narrowed his eyes at my words.
"You should let him suffer a bit," Dori said with a sniff and I sighed tiredly.
"We need to talk and I've decided that I'm tired of all this arguing," I told Dori as I put a hand over my bump. "There's too much work to be done," I added and Dori heaved his own sigh before seeming to relent.
"Fine, fine. Go back inside and get out of this cold," Dori told me, mothering me once more as he began ushering me back inside the tent and I kissed him on the cheek which made him turn red and Bifur blush before I ducked back inside the relative warmth of my tent.
I walked over to the brazier's and was going to work them back up and add more coal to them, but found that it had already been done. I looked over to my husband who was still curled in on himself and smiled softly at him before I decided to carry out my morning absolutions while I waited for breakfast. I had just finished washing my fast and tending to my hair and person when I heard someone clear their throat.
I walked out of the screened off area of my tent to find Bifur standing awkwardly just inside the tent with two trays of food and I smiled at him and strode over to him, taking one of the trays from him and setting it in front of Dwalin before taking mine and setting it across from Dwalin at the empty seat. I thanked Bifur quietly and narrowed my eyes at him when he bowed at me slightly before leaving and then I turned back to Dwalin before pulling out my chair and sitting across from him, my stomach grumbling as the smell of food reached my nose.
Dwalin's plate was piled high with sausages and other fried meats and fried eggs and toast, all hearty and rich food while my breakfast consisted of porridge, toast, and fruit, a lighter, more Elven faire as all of the rich food was giving me heartburn. I picked up my spoon an added a bit of honey to my porridge before speaking as Dwalin hadn't reacted to the food being placed before him.
"Eat," I told my husband firmly and he groaned slightly at the volume of my voice. "You'll feel better," I added a bit more softly and I was beginning to think he was just going to ignore me in favor of crawling inwards on himself after several moments of silence so I sighed and began eating myself.
"I don't think I can," Dwalin finally said as my spoonful of porridge was halfway to my mouth and I lowered in and looked across at him.
"Try," I told him just as firmly as before and he finally raised his head from his hands and looked at me. Our eyes met for only a moment before he lowered them to his lap and then he reached forward and picked up his fork and started to eat.
We ate in silence, Dwalin eating slowly and chewing with care and once I had finished my breakfast I rose and retrieved some papers that Dain needed me to read over and returned to my seat, reading them as Dwalin continued to eat. I noted that he abstained from drinking the ale, instead getting up to pour himself a large glass of water which he downed quickly before pouring himself another which he brought back to the table and drank more slowly as he finished his breakfast.
As I read the missives and other reports I absentmindedly rubbed soothing circles over my little bump, a habit I had gotten into over the last few days. When Dwalin finished his breakfast he pushed his tray slightly away from him and sat back in his chair, his eyes closing again and a pained expression reappearing on his face. I set down my missives and stood from my chair, walking over to Dwalin and standing behind his chair. I gently brought my hands up and laid them against his temples and he flinched slightly which I ignored. I began massaging his temples slowly in circles and Dwalin groaned slightly before relaxing under my touch.
I continued massaging his temples for a while until his whole body seemed to relax and then I stopped and drew my hands away from him. I heard him sigh as I began to walk away, but Dwalin grabbed my hand then. I was still behind him and couldn't see his face, but his shoulders were hunched over, no longer relaxed.
"Adaria…," Dwalin said in nearly a whisper, his voice sounding pained and I reached up and put my other hand on his shoulder and squeezed it tightly.
"Abbad," I told Dwalin quietly as he brought my hand which he still held up to his lips.
I gently pulled my hand out of his grip then and squeezed his shoulder once more as I drew away from him and walked to the other side of the table and sat back down in front of him. Dwalin's eyes were shut tightly and the expression on his face was unreadable. As I sat down his eyes finally opened and he looked across the table at me. I noticed that he refused to meet my gaze and I knew, we both were hurting. This was our first fight. I could feel his pain in my heart just as strongly as I could feel my own. No matter what the circumstance of our fight or what had happened since then, I loved Dwalin.
"We need to talk, Dwalin. About last night and about...the situation we find ourselves in," I told my husband gently and Dwalin nodded, still not meeting my gaze. I took a deep breath, not knowing where I should begin, but the biggest question I kept coming back to was where he had gone when he had left.
"Where were you?" I blurted out before I could stop myself and I saw Dwalin flinch slightly at my question. There was a long moment of silence before Dwalin finally spoke.
"I was stayin' with some of the soldiers in the makeshift barracks," Dwalin answered me, his voice sounding a bit unlike himself and I nodded in understanding. He would afterall be able to fall in easily with the other soldiers.
"Why…," Dwalin began to say and that was when he looked up at me and met my gaze. "Why dinna yah come after me?" Dwalin asked me and I shook my head at that question, a bit incredulous.
"You made it apparent you didn't want to talk about it. I was giving you space and time to think," I answered Dwalin truthfully before sighing. "I wanted to come after you," I told him honestly as I sat back in my seat and thought about the situation now that I could. "But it wasn't about what I wanted anymore, Dwalin," I told my husband and he frowned slightly in confusion at my words.
"I have duties now to our people. They all look to me for guidance," I told my husband as I gestured to the papers on the table that I had been reading over breakfast. "It was one thing to help lead the Company, but now I'm in charge of seeing to the needs of everyone in this camp, the wounded, the dying, and the dead," I told him and I looked away from my husband as my throat became tight.
"I've sat with the dying and held their hands as they've passed. I can't do a thing for them. All I can do is ease their passing and let them know that their deaths weren't in vain, that their Queen cared enough to sit by their bedside when their family couldn't," I rambled before I laughed derisively.
"Their Queen," I said, shaking my head. "I don't know what the Hell I'm doing. Until Thorin wakes up the duties of the crown rest on my shoulders. I don't…," I said before the tears finally started to well up in my eyes and that was when the dam let go and I started crying in earnest.
"Oh amrâlimê," Dwalin said and I reached up and tried to wipe away my tears as I heard movement and then I was being pulled out of my chair as Dwalin picked me up and carried me over to the bed. He gathered me into his arms and held me close to his chest as I cried. "Abbad," Dwalin told me as he rocked me back and forth gently, trying to soothe me.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about the baby. I was scared," I told Dwalin through my tears as I turned my face into his chest as he began to rub soothing circles over my back.
"Of me?" Dwalin asked me, taken aback and I shook my head quickly before drawing away from his chest slightly.
"No," I assured him, shaking my head vigorously. "Of everything. I didn't know about the baby. I was scared maybe I'd done something to hurt it by not knowing about it sooner. I didn't know until Bard said something and then I felt so stupid for not relaizing it myself. I should have," I told my husband as the truth over why I had felt so guilty came pouring out of me.
"Bard?" Dwalin asked me gently and I nodded.
"He said his wife always got sick like I did when she was pregnant. That's when I realized I was late," I said, wiping the tears from my eyes and noticing that Dwalin was blushing slightly. "I was going to tell you and then I had a dream and Mahal was urging me to continue on to Erebor. I knew that if I told you, you'd have made me stay behind in Laketown, so I kept it a secret," I explained to Dwalin hiccuping slightly.
"It's because of the prophecy. I had to be in the mountain. That noise that we heard came from the mountain when we were battling Smaug because the mountain was reacting to my presence," I told Dwalin after noticing his confused frown. "And then the battle came and I was scared, but I knew that I needed to fight. Mahal tasked me with determining the fate of Durin's line. I knew that from the very beginning of this Quest. When we were at Rivendell, Lady Galadriel showed me what would happen if I didn't fight in the battle, if I wasn't there," I said and I shook my head, crying a bit harder now as I remembered the horrible images I had seen of my family dying.
"Fili, Kili, and Thorin would have died. It's because I was on Ravenhill that Lyssaria came with Tauriel and Legolas and was there to save Kili. It's because I went to Ravenhill that Thrain refused to leave my side and was there to save Fili. It's because I was on Ravenhill that I killed Azog and saved Thorin. I couldn't lose them, Dwalin. I love you. You're my family as much as they are Mahal help me, but I couldn't lose anyone else," I said, sobbing now and Dwalin shushed me gently, rocking my back and forth as he pulled me tightly to his chest and rubbed soothing circles on my back.
I cried until I couldn't cry anymore and I realized that it was exactly what I needed. I had been strong for so long and everything had just been building and building. When my tears dried I clung to Dwalin for several long minutes, my face still pressed against his chest as he held me. Dwalin gently ran a hand through my hair and I pulled back and looked up at my husband who put a hand on my cheek and slowly rubbed a thumb over my cheek.
"They're alive. We're alive," Dwalin told me softly before he took his hand from my face and placed it gently over my bump and splayed his fingers out to encompass it all. "Our bairn is alive," Dwalin said and I hiccuped slightly.
"Men lananubukhs menu," I told my husband, still clinging to him and Dwalin frowned, looking extremely guilty.
"It's my fault, lass. I never should have left yah. A real Dwarf doesn't walk out on his pregnant One. I've shamed yah and dishonored yah," Dwalin told me, his eyes on anything but me and I frowned in confusion as he pulled a dagger from his belt and handed it to me. "My beard and braids are yer's," He told me and I realized that he expected me to cut his braids and beard.
"I don't want them," I told Dwalin, throwing the dagger away from myself and across the tent. "You didn't shame me or dishonor me," I said and I put my hand under Dwalin's chin and forced it up so that he had to look at me. "We got into an argument. We had a disagreement," I said, shaking my head. "If you expect me to have your beard and braids every time we have an argument and you walk off rather than continuing to fight with me then you'll never have a beard the entire time we're married," I told my husband, sliding my hand up to the side of Dwalin's face and rubbing his cheek with my thumb.
"Every married couple fights. You needed time to think and cool off so you left to do both. We're both hot headed and quick to anger. This is only our first fight and I doubt it will be our last," I told Dwalin and I leaned in and pressed my forehead to his as tears welled up in his eyes.
"Forgive me, please forgive me," Dwalin told me, holding me close to hi, our foreheads pressed together.
"I forgive you," I told my husband who inhaled shakily and I reached up and gently wiped away his tears, knowing that his heart had hurt as much as mine had. The fact that he allowed himself to be so vulnerable with me was a privilege of being his wife. "Men lananubukhs menu," I reminded my husband as his hands which were on my waist tightened slightly.
"Men lananubukhs menu," Dwalin told me and I leaned in only slightly and closed my lips over his. Dwalin I slid my hands up his chest and locked them behind his head as I eased into the kiss and Dwalin drew his own hands up my back, holding me closer to him.
We kissed each other slowly, reacquainting ourselves with one another and after a few moments I pulled back from the kiss and pressed my forehead to his once more. We sat there on the bed, cuddled up with one another for a while, sharing a few more kisses which were just as slow and sweet. Dwalin seemed just as content as I was to just hold one another and I was hopeful I could get away with staying here like this all day. My bladder decided to be the first thing to remind me of responsibility and I sighed as I pulled slightly away from my husband. I was having to pee more frequently lately which I had thought was something I wouldn't have to deal with until the end of my pregnancy, but Oin had assured me was normal during almost all stages of Dwarven pregnancy.
"Um, Dwalin...I have to pee," I told my husband as I tried to pull away from him only to have him pull me firmly back against his chest with a grumble of discontentment. Dwalin chuckled at that then and finally let me get up.
I slid off of his lap and off of the bed, going to use the necessary. When I walked back into the room, my tunic was still slightly pulled up as I tied the ties of my pants and I looked up when I heard Dwalin gasp. He was staring at my midsection and when I looked down I noticed that my raised tunic gave him a good look at my new baby bump which finally seemed to have popped or at least was more noticeable. I beamed at Dwalin as he slid off of the bed and walked towards me and he reached towards me before drawing his hands away.
"Can I?" He asked me almost nervously and I nodded and reached out, taking his hand in mine and putting it right over my bump.
"Of course you can," I told my husband firmly, wanting him to know that he never need ask me if it was alright. Dwalin's fingers splayed out, covering my entire bump and he looked up from my bump at me, a large beaming smile on his face.
"I'm gonna be an adad," Dwalin said, slightly in awe.
"Yes, you are," I told my husband with a grin on my face and Dwalin pulled me towards him and kissed me firmly and I smiled into the kiss. When he pulled away from me, Dwalin looked guilt again.
"I'm sorry, I…," He stuttered and I put a finger over his lips, stopping him quickly.
"All that's behind us. Today is a new day. Let's start fresh," I told my husband, my hand over his on my little bump.
"Aye," Dwalin told me before he leaned down and placed a kiss over my bump before straightening and kissing me once more. I lowered my shirt once we pulled away from one another again and I groaned as I finally realized how late it was in the morning and what exactly it was that I was missing. Dwalin raised an eyebrow at me questioningly as I raced over to my trunk and began rummaging around in it, searching for something to wear for the day.
"I was supposed to meet with King Thranduil and King Bard today," I explained to my husband as I pulled out a dress which was probably a bit too long.
It was of Elven make rather than Dwarven and made from a love Sage green material. It was very flowy, the sleeves long and the bodice simple. It had been sent with the supplies from the Woodland Realm for the people of Laketown and had been requisitioned for my use. I tried to insist that others needed it more than I did, but as it turns out I didn't exactly have clothes either. I had been assured that more supplies were being sent for from the Woodland Realm including clothes to properly outfit everyone for winter.
"Why?" Dwalin asked me, crossing his arms over his chest at my mention of Thranduil and Bard.
"Putting the past in the past and starting fresh. In the interest of peace we need to work together for the sake of all our people," I told Dwalin as I walked behind the dressing screen and shucked off my cloak and began pulling off the clothes I had slept in the night before. Dwalin just grunted at what I said and by now I could tell what each of his grunts meant.
"I know, I know. Thranduil's a poncy, pointed eared git. He's got an ego the size of Texas too, but I'm going to try and extend the olive branch to him and show him that we're willing to put old feuds and differences aside. Then if he wants to act like a two year old it only reflect badly upon him," I said as I got on my under things and began to get dressed, popping my head around the screen a few times to look at Dwalin who was leaning against the bed.
"Obviously, we'll have a better shot at an alliance with Bard and the people of Laketown. Well...Dale now. Truth be told, they're desperate for aid, but I want this alliance to be set in certain terms that doesn't make them completely beholden to us," I said as I slid on the dress which, like I thought, was too long and a bit too small in the bodice. "I may be a Dwarf, but I was raised around the race of Men. They're a proud lot. Bard doesn't seem the type to be looking for handouts. Of course, now that he's King he has his people to think of first. It's a whole different ball game for him," I said as I stepped out from behind the screen.
"Yah say yah don't know what yer doin' but yah sound pretty competent to me," Dwalin grunted and I smiled at him brightly as I walked over to him and turned around, presenting him with the laces on the back of my dress.
"Fake it to you make it," I told my husband with a laugh as my husband began lacing me into my dress. "Balin has been helping me navigate through the joys of politics and then of course, Thrain knows what I'm dealing with. He's struggling though," I said with a sigh and I frowned deeply as I thought of my grandfather.
My grandfather had been trying to sit in with Balin and I to give me advice, but I could tell that the battle and the aftermath of it was really starting to affect him. It was more than that though. Whatever had happened to him while he was imprisoned in Dol Goldur had affected his mind. He woke up screaming in the middle of the night and often would mumble to himself and look off in the distance or zone out. He was jumpy and paranoid. Bifur had spent quite a bit of time with him, trying to keep him calm and Bilbo had been a Godsend, taking on the task of keeping him busy.
I knew my grandfather just wanted to feel useful, but whatever horrors he had faced were only being exacerbated by the gruesome sights and smells of the battlefield that were still being cleared. Bard was ensuring that the children of Laketown were kept away from the carnage and I had Bilbo take my grandfather to visit the children, knowing that children had a way of cheering up anyone.
"Years of living in captivity has affected his mind. He's jumpy and easy to anger," I told my husband who had been waiting for me to speak. My grandfather tried, but every so often he would just snap at someone for no reason. "He's on guard and rightly so. It'll take some time before he starts to feel safe again. Bilbo has been helping me with him, trying to get him away from all the carnage. He's seen too much of it being held in Dol Goldur," I told my husband, sighing deeply and leaning against his chest as he slid his hands up to my shoulders and gently massaged them.
"You have Balin to thank for many things. He's been a rock for me in the past few days," I told my husband, wanting him to know that his brother made sure that I was taken care of.
"I know," Dwalin told me lowly, and I hummed and turned around in Dwalin's arms, sliding my own arms over his shoulders as he grabbed for my hips.
"Don't let the others make you feel guilty. I tried to keep them out of it as this was between us, but well...you know how well that ends," I told Dwalin who rolled his eyes before he huffed out a breath.
"They should feel a certain way towards me. I never should'a walked out on yah," Dwalin told me and I rolled my eyes, having thought that we were past that thought by now.
"The past is in the past," I told my husband before taking one of his hands from my hip and placing it over my bump. "You're here now, that's all that matters," I told him firmly and I leaned in and kissed him before pulling back and sighing. "Right," I said, inhaling deeply and exhaling as I pulled myself away from my husband reluctantly. "Queen time," I said and I walked over to the box that held my crown and picked it up, glaring down at it. "I thoroughly despise this thing," I said as I reached up and lowered it onto my head. "It leaves my shoulders aching at the end of the day," I grumbled as my husband walked up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, rubbing them lightly before pressing a kiss to the back of my neck.
"Then I'll have to be a good husband and rub 'em for yah tonight," He told me and I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder, a smile on my face.
"You are a good husband, don't forget that," I reminded him, kissing him once more before turning towards the entrance to my tent.
"Go out there and get 'em," Dwalin told me in encouragement and I reached back, turning to look back at him as well.
"Not without you," I told him and Dwalin smiled at me and walked over to me, slipping his hand into my proffered one. We walked to the tent entrance and Dwalin had me slip outside first before joining me and Bifur and Dori bowed to me on either side, Bifur nodding to Dwalin, Dori only sniffing and looking away from him.
I turned away from the two of them, deciding that I probably needed to have a talk with the Company later only to find Balin and Oin coming towards us, the two of them looking worried as they spoke in low voices, their heads pressed together as they walked. They looked up as they noticed Dwalin and I standing at the entrance to my, our, tent and they walked the last few feet over to us and stopped in front of us.
"I don't like that look," I said in reference to Balin's expression as Balin looked between Dwalin and me and our conjoined hands and I smiled at my brother in law.
"Adaira," Balin said, sounding relieved and he looked at his brother somewhat nervously.
"Everything is fine, Balin," I assured my brother in law. "Dwalin and I talked things over. Things are good between us," I told Balin and Dwalin nodded in agreement. I looked over at my husband and smiled at him cheekily before leaning towards him and rising up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek.
"Thank Mahal," Balin sighed in relief and Dwalin harrumphed, his hand pulling free from mine as he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at his brother. "Don't look at me like that, you hard headed brute," Balin told his brother as he glared at Dwalin, his hands on his belt.
"Who are you callin' hard headed?" Dwalin growled at his brother.
"You! And the nerve of showing up after days, days drunk and yelling at the top of your lungs in the middle of the night," Balin said and I put a hand to my forehead and groaned.
"Balin…," I said, not wanting the two brothers to argue over Dwalin's and my disagreement.
"No, he needs to hear this. To walk away from your pregnant wife at a time like this…," Balin continued to berate Dwalin who had uncrossed his arms by now.
"I know," Dwalin said and Balin opened and closed his mouth, falling silent at his admission of guilt. "Nadad...I can't thank yah enough. If anything had happened to her…," Dwalin said and Balin waved his brother off.
"You know I'd never let it," Balin told his brother and they both smiled at each other before opening their arms wide and laughing. Dwalin walked forward and they put their arms around each other before knocking their foreheads roughly together and I winced in secondhand pain. Even if Dwarven skulls were extra hard, it still looked like it hurt. Dwalin threw his arm over Balin's shoulder and clapped his brother on the back as Oin looked over at me.
"Well, I'm glad to see yah in brighter spirits, lass. It's certainly good for yer bairn. Yer bairn reacts to yer emotions too. They affect yer health and the health of yer bairn," Oin told me as he looked me over and my bright smile. "How's yer heartburn this mornin'" Oin asked me and I made a so so gesture with one of my hands.
"Getting better as long as I stay away from anything too rich or greasy," I answered Oin and he nodded as if he expected that.
"And yer constipation?" Oin asked me then and I stared at him, feeling my cheeks heat up as I started to turn red.
"Okay, this conversation is over," I told Oin, embarrassed as Dwalin laughed loudly and I shot him a glare, my husband falling silent. I leaned in towards Oin and said a low, "It's getting better," which my husband overheard and he laughed again. I smacked him on the arm and I rolled my eyes at him as I turned to look at my brother in law. "Speaking of constipation, though. I was supposed to meet with King Thranduil and King Bard today Balin," I said and Dwalin snorted as Balin and Oin chuckled slightly at my joke.
"I had the meeting moved to tomorrow stating reasons to do with yer kin, which is not wholly a lie," Balin told me before he reached forward and took one of my hands into his. "It's Thorin, lass. He's awake," Balin told me and I stared at him in shock for a moment before pulling my hand from his and taking off across the camp to the healing tents.
Khuzdul:
Adad- Father
Amad- Mother
Namad- Sister
Imad-Aunt
Abbad- I am here
Amrâlimê- My love
Men lananubukhs menu- I love you
