Reckless Surrender :: Chapter Thirty Two
"Would you have pulled your gun?"
The question hung in the air like dead weight. Hope stared at Marlena straight in the eyes.
"Yes," Hope replied.
"I see," Marlena sighed.
"You can sit there and tell me that is exactly the reason why you didn't clear me, but what in the hell do you expect?" Hope fired back, "Are you kidding me? The man attacked me. He beat me to a bloody pulp, and I'm not supposed to be afraid or want to defend myself?!"
"That is not what I'm saying." Marlena replied calmly.
"It is what you're saying." Hope argued, "I was shot. The only reason I'm still alive is because of that gun. I used it to defend myself. I don't just fire it at people in office buildings."
"Hope, what I'm worried about is that you're going to use it inappropriately." Marlena replied.
"I know how to use it." Hope stated evenly, "I'm a trained cop. I use the safety. I know when it is appropriate to use it as a threat and when to use it as a weapon. It's not easy for me to just take a person's life."
"The gun means more to you than protection." Marlena replied, "I can see that, but I'm still not comfortable letting you have yours back. You should keep going to work. Get comfortable being there. You have a high probability of seeing Aiden Jennings a lot. The rest of them have guns. Remember that."
Hope rolled her eyes, as Marlena stood, "I don't want to kill the man."
"I know you're not fond of me right now, but whether you want to admit it or not you're suffering from pretty significant PTSD. I'm only looking out for your best interest. You'll thank me later." Marlena eyed Hope from the doorway, "Tell Bo I said hello."
"Next week I'd like to come to your office," Hope announced. She wanted to push herself. She wanted to prove to Marlena that she was fine. She could get out of the house alone. She was sure of it.
"Fine," Marlena nodded, "Let me know if you change your mind."
"I won't." Hope shook her head confidently. She watched Marlena leave. When she heard Marlena's car door slam, she threw one of the decorative pillows from the couch across the living room. She was irritated. She glanced at the clock and realized Ciara wouldn't be home for several hours. She couldn't wait. She needed the distraction.
She stared at the ceiling, realizing how hard it had become for her to be alone. She hated it. She chose to go upstairs. Even if she wasn't suffering from PTSD, she had gotten used to being a busy mom with a full time job. Because of her need to be distracted, she chose to make herself busy. She had plenty to do to finish decorating the master bedroom. If there was one thing she could look forward to conquering, it was the demons that haunted her from Carly's presence in her house.
She flipped on the lights and surveyed her work thus far. She was pleased. There were no demons laughing back at her. It was a fresh start. She was in control. She ran her hand along the mattress of the new bed set and smiled. If she planned her day right, she could have the room finished by the time Bo was home from work.
The thought of spending the night in their bedroom made her feel even more at home. Nostalgia swept over her and she smiled again. This was their safe space. They'd made two of their children in this room. She almost laughed to herself. Nothing and no one could ever change that.
