"I want a divorce!" Scorpius yelled, arms flailing in exasperation.
"Don't be so dramatic; I'm sure we can fix it," Albus tried.
"You are ruining my grade," the blonde countered. "You and your shopaholic ways are taking us to the dumps. We're going to end up living under a bridge!"
From the other side of the Great Hall, professor Parkinson laughed at their antics. No wonder those two were best friends. It was like watching the act of a comedic duo.
The Fourth Year students were going through one of the new Home Ed class's biggest challenges. The Great Hall was temporarily turned into a small replica of Diagon Alley so the pupils could go shopping on a budget. They were supposed to learn to prioritize their purchases, and Albus Potter was doing a shitty job. Scorpius had thought it would be a good idea to split up to finish faster. He went to a few grocery places and the apothecary for home brewing supplies. On the other hand, Albus had hit Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, Quality Quidditch Supplies, and for Merlin knows what reason, Eeylop's Owl Emporium and was now entirely out of money. Pansy was standing by the entrance of the Hall, chuckling at the scene when a low, seductive voice spoke behind her.
"Wow, that is an impressive piece of magic." Pansy felt goosebumps and turned to face the handsome wizard.
"Potter, hi. Thank you, It is not my magic, though. It's the house-elves'. I brought the idea to them, and they loved it."
"Clever. And how is the assignment going?"
"Well, I instructed them to pair up, then told them that their partner was their spouse for the length of the class, so they shared the responsibilities. Scorpius just asked your son for a divorce."
Harry burst out laughing.
"That is hilarious. What did that nitwit do?"
"He spent half of their budget on quidditch supplies, magical jokes, and a self-cleaning cage for an owl that they do not have."
"Oh, this is priceless. And I have to say, I had my doubts about Home Ed, but you are putting them through the wringer. Great job, professor," Harry said, squeezing her shoulder. That sent shivers down Pansy's spine.
"Thanks. I don't think this is what my mother had in mind when she taught me all these things, but they certainly are useful."
"What did she have in mind then?"
Pansy shrugged.
"For me to marry Draco, lock myself at his manor, and have a million pureblooded babies. Instead, after I saw what our archaic beliefs have done, I packed my bags and moved to New York to attend the Institute of Culinary Education. Muggles don't know it, but there is a magical ward of it, so wizarding folk learn both muggle and magical culinary arts. House-elves can cook like no one, but most wizard cooking spells are terrible. I much rather cook the muggle way."
"You have changed a lot, haven't you?" Harry said, watching her intensely.
"Yes," she responded, straightening her already perfect posture. "After the incident, what I said the night of the battle, everything came crumbling down for me. I learned the hard way the power of words, the importance of respecting other communities, like house-elves and muggles. And that has made my life so much easier. I learned to make friends, like this, I couldn't believe how excited the house-elves were to put all this together," she gestured toward the fake Diagon Alley.
"The change suits you," Harry offered, realizing that Pansy Parkinson had grown into her features: the big dark eyes, the turned-up nose, the plump lips. Her long bob haircut was held back in a low bun, and her cute 1950's outfits were just, well, hot. Harry started fantasizing about what her nightgowns looked like. She probably wore little negligees with a tulle robe with furry edges and furry kitten heels.
"Potter?" she called, eyebrow lifted at his glazed eyes.
"Sorry, what?"
"Oh good, are you gonna ask her out?" Albus's voice made both of them turn and blush.
"No, no, I, we are colleagues, what do you, I gotta go I have class, bye," Harry sputtered and run, ashamed of the fact that he had been undressing another professor in his mind in front of the whole Fourth Year class.
"You are ruining it; you are like a bull in a china shop," Scorpius said, smacking his friend's head too hard.
"Mr. Malfoy!" Pansy chastised, back to her professor tone. "Stop hitting your classmate. He doesn't need any more concussions."
"Sorry, professor," the blonde boy answered, appalled. It's just; he ruins everything! First the shopping trip and now this?"
Albus looked like he was going to cry. Pansy felt a ping of compassion for the poor kid.
"Mr. Potter just needs to learn to control his impulses, that's it. That's what the class is for. To learn wholesome behaviors, so life runs smoothly. I'm sure you can learn, right, Mr. Potter?"
Albus smiled and nodded, though his eyes were still prickling. His friend had hurt him a little, but he was also feeling gooey about Pansy's maternal tone. He missed his mom, and having someone correct him in a motherly way made his heart swell with joy. Pansy had to refrain from running her fingers through the kid's hair.
"How about you two start the assignment over again. We still have time; if you rush, you may make it," she said, taking their checklist to clear it out, returning the purchases to the fake stores, and replenishing their credit.
Thank you, professor," Scorpius enthused, pulling Albus back into the fake Diagon Alley. The other boy walked on but kept looking back at the pretty teacher. Now he really, really wanted her to become his stepmom.
Pansy sighed. She was enjoying her life at Hogwarts a lot. Working with the kids helped quench her desire to have a family of her own. Maybe one day. Too bad it was not going to be with Potter. She was starting to like him and his kids.
Meanwhile, the two best friends were back at their assignment and back to plotting.
"Ok, so divide and conquer does not work for the shopping test, but I'm sure it will for operation stepmom," Scorpius said while sifting through a dozen apples one by one.
"We have an operation name? Cool!" Albus responded, biting at one of the apples.
"Yes, well, you may be a Slytherin, but you know jack shit how to handle a Slytherin mom," Scorpius added, taking the apple from him. "This needs to be weighed before you can sink your fangs into it, you brute. Anyway, I think things will work much better if you let the potential Slytherin stepmom to me and you start working on getting me Gryffindor stepmommy."
"Ok, that works. Oh, can I get this?" Albus grabbed a pack of crystalized pineapples with real gold dusting in them.
"No! This is a lot of empty calories and is ridiculously overpriced for a snack. Put it back."
"Party pooper," Albus mumbled. "Ok, so I talk to my aunt Hermione then?"
"Oh, Salazar, you are dense. No, you do not talk directly to her. Talk to your dad and put the idea in his head. It is not that you get to see her anyways, but your dad does. Maybe the next time he goes to Hogsmeade for drinks with my dad and the other professors, they can include the Minister as a guest. They all went to school together after all."
"That's a good idea; I'll make sure to suggest it to my dad," Albus was unconsciously opening the bag of crystalized pineapples, so Scorpius slapped his hand and took them away from him.
The students finished their assignment and delivered their results to professor Parkinson.
"Good job, guys! I see that you managed to get a full list of grocery, household cleaners, and supplies for home potion brewing. Congratulations! How did you manage to agree on what to buy?"
"It's all about communication," Scorpius lied.
"Really? What about you, Mr. Potter? How did it feel to find agreement with your spouse?"
"Oh, it was great," he lied too, hands awkwardly behind his back."
"Mr. Potter, can I see your hands?"
"Is that really necessary, professor?"
"What if I say it is?"
"Well, you see, it's complicated," he babbled. Pansy looked at the other boy.
"Mr. Malfoy, did you tied up your spouse's hands behind his back?"
"He kept reaching for things and putting them in his mouth!" Scorpius protested. "That dungbomb almost ate a bag of crystalized pineapples that costs 25 galleons!"
"They looked yummy," Albus justified, trying and failing at gesticulating.
"That's enough. Finite!" said the professor, freeing the unruly partner. "Now, I'm going to give you Exceeds Expectations because you did recover from the initial blunder. But Mr. Potter, you need to practice some self-control, and Mr. Malfoy, you have to learn to get your point across without resourcing to restraining your partner. Alright, everyone, drop your lists, and you may go, class is dismissed."
That evening at dinner, Pansy had half a mind to sit next to the handsome Defense professor. Still, as she walked to the high table, Harry was already sitting with Longbottom on one side, and out of nowhere, Lovegood materialized and took the chair on the other side. Pansy decided it was better to be on the other end of the table, so she sat next to Professor Flitwick. At least she could steal glances over the little professor, catching glimpses of a messy raven hair. At some point, she saw Lovegood reach to touch said messy hair, and her heart sank. It was undeniable that the Ravenclaw, unique as she was, had grown into a beautiful witch. Pansy spent the rest of the meal staring at her plate until it seemed polite to excuse herself.
