Chapter 32

Let It Go

Renée stays in town to help Charlie and Bella. Alice helps Bella along with Edward who was stuck at home with her sprained ankle and leg wound. It was Wednesday, April 15th.

"I brought you something," Renée said right after Bella was brought home from the hospital. They were outside on the porch enjoying some sunshine, while Edward was taking grilling lessons from Charlie in the backyard who's arm was still in the sling. The men were grilling steaks, chicken and corn after Renée made 2 salads, garden salad and pasta salad.

"Mom. I hope you didn't spend any money," Bella said taking the large purple present box into her lap.

"Oh come on, I may not know you as well as I wished, but you are still my child. I made it while on my retreat." Bella opened the present box and found a blanket in the present box.

"What? Are these...?"

"All our old t-shirts from the trips we took when you were a kid."

"No way!" Bella looked over blanket make of t-shirts. 7 years of trips, that Renée make sure she took to be cultured, sometimes every few months, Renée visited a new place. Renée had a habit of wanting to see the world even with her child. Renée helped Bella pull the blanket out completely to see it whole.

"I been to a few places alone over the years, but maybe we can visit them as well in the future."

"Very cool Mom. I would like that. Thanks."

"I hope we can add to it as well."

"We will Mom." Bella reached over and hugged her mother.

"So tell me more about this retreat? You actually lived like a monk?" Renée chuckled.

"Not completely a monk babygirl," Renée said. While in California, Renée found a way to achieve a more profound sense of self through a stay at Shasta Abbey. It was only supposed to be for 2 weeks, but Renée found herself staying from February until April. She realize how wrong she was acting, not like a mother, but woman, who only cares about herself. She should have seen the bad guy in James, not just her 7 year old child. But Renée was more focused on love and being in love than her daughter's warnings. But at the Buddhist like monastery, she was welcomed as an outsiders into its beautiful, sacred space, located on a 16-acre forest near the base of Mount Shasta. Renée used the three months while there of their Spiritual Retreat and used Soto Zen through guided meditation, Dharma talks, and mindfulness. She knew she needed to seek forgiveness from her daughter, her ex-husbands, and herself if she wanted a better, loving life.


Renée was helping Charlie relax on the couch after dinner. To help out with food, Edward brought several trays of food from his mother for the Swan family to help during the week. She handed him another beer. They both looked up as they heard giggling upstairs from Bella's bedroom. Her bedroom door was closed.

"Are we sure it's ok, for them to be upstairs, alone?"

"Really you, Renée, not comfortable with our daughter and her boyfriend alone in her bedroom?" Charlie asked.

"And you are?"

"I wasn't the one to talk to my 3 year about sex," Charlie said adjusting the pillows under his back and shoulder.

"I didn't talk about sex with Bella at three. I talked about the birds and bees when she was five."

"You gave her condoms when we first found out she was kissing Edward at 14 years old. And again when I told you they were dating back in November."

"Well, once you told me that boy was here, I knew it wouldn't be long before they got back together."

"That boy, Renée? His name is Edward, and as much as I hate to give him a compliment, he's a good kid."

"Are they are being safe?" Renée asked.

"They are being very safe."

"How do you know?"

"Dr. Holms told me Bella asked about going on the pill and condoms while she still in the hospital. Bella is smart, and has been on birth control even before she came home."

"And Edward…"

"He's a smart kid too. His father is a doctor and assured me, he gave all his sons the scary STD and sex talk. I don't think they are us Renée."

"Yeah, I see that. But I also see my babygirl."

"She will always be our babygirl," Charlie said.


So come on, let it go

Just let it be

Why don't you be you

And I'll be me

Everything that's broke

Leave it to the breeze

Why don't you be you

And I'll be me

And I'll be me

Edward and Bella were laying in bed wrapped in the t-shirt blanket around them. The song "Let It Go" by James Bay was playing on Bella's stereo. Bella yawned.

"I'm not tired," Bella lied. Edward smiled.

"It's late, you should get some sleep. You've only been out of the hospital 1 day."

"I love this song." Edward listened to the song playing.

"Me too," Edward said, as Bella squeezed her arms around him tighter. She hated her foot was still in a cast, Dr. Cullen was going to change it to a walking boot in a week or so. Edward smiled. "So, how long is your mother staying this time?"

"Well, before she came here, she said she apologized to Phil and they are back together. Phil is supposedly coming back, but to Jacksonville for their summer league baseball games. My mother is thinking about moving there instead of staying in California. I guess since Phil will be back from Japan in a few weeks, so we got Mom for a few more weeks."

"Are you happy she's here?" Edward asked.

"It's only been a couple of days Edward, ask me next week, or in a few weeks." Edward chuckled. "At least she's being nice to you. And actually been very helpful around the house, keeping it clean, cooking and going shopping for us."

"I noticed that too." Alice has been Bella's rock with bathing and dressing Bella despite the cast on her foot, and wrap around her thigh from the stitches. Bella had a few stitches in her head too. Renée focused on Charlie's care and keeping the house in order. Charlie had some nice bruises on his chest, ribs and stomach, and his shoulder which prevented him out of work. Bella was lucky it was Spring Break, so she didn't miss school. She could go back on Monday, April 27th with the rest of the students. Bella yawned.

"It's late," Edward said again, murmuring, his voice smoother than silk.

"I'm not tired," Bella said yawning again. Edward chuckled.

"Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love." Bella closed her eyes and fell asleep.


Bella was putting away her World History and Math books before her next class, French. With her crutches, she was allowed a bit more time between classes over the last few weeks. Usually Edward or Alice meets her to help her along to her next class but Alice had a student council meeting so couldn't help Bella. Bella walked down the hall towards her French class when she sees Rosalie being picked on. It was Thursday, May 14th.

"Oh how the mighty beauty has fallen ladies," Tanya said knocking some books out of Rosalie's arms. Irina and Kate laughed. "You thought you were so special because you are so pretty. Now Emmett wants nothing to do with you. How sad. Come on girls, we don't want to be around the ugly loser, we might catch the ugly germs." Irina and Kate laughed again.

Rosalie bent down to pick up some fallen books as Tanya, Irina and Kate were laughing at her while walking away. Emmett was coming down the opposite end of the hall. Emmett had his arms around 2 cheerleaders. He briefly paused at Rosalie, but chuckling, kissing the girls, who were giggling in his arms. Rosalie was dressed in a black racerback tank top, blue denim jeans, and black leather high wedge sandals. Her blonde hair super straight, but lifeless. She didn't look like Rosalie of old. She hardly wore her bold make-up, opting for subtle, light looks. Emmett was dressed in a black henley top, blue jeans and black loafers. Bella quickly even with her crutches, walked over to help Rosalie. She grabbed a few notebooks and pencils from the ground with a some trouble, hopping on one foot, but she managed. Rosalie snatched the notebooks from Bella's hands.

"Don't."

"I'm sorry, I just want to…"

"Oh, like you're not happy," Rosalie said standing up straight.

"I'm not."

"Go away Bella."

"I am trying to help you."

"Well, I don't need your help!"

"I'm sorry you hate me so much that you can't even see when someone is trying to help you."

Bella grabbed her crutches and hobbled away. Rosalie sighed. She closed her eyes.

"Wait!" Rosalie called out to Bella. "Bella please wait!" Bella turned around to face Rosalie.

"What?"

"Look, I'm...I'm…"

"Yeah, this is where you say the words, I'm sorry."

"Right," Rosalie said.

"I know it's hard for you to say sorry, given how everyone else falls at your feet, maybe not so much now. I still don't know what I continue to do to make you hate me so much." Rosalie scoffed.

"I don't hate you."

"Right, you have a funny way of showing it."

"Bella, I don't hate you. I don't particularly like you, but…"

"But what?" Bella asked.

"Bella I envy you."

"Envy me? Yeah right," Bella said.

"Of course I do."

"Why?"

"Can't you just see," Rosalie said. "You are stronger than me even after all you have been through, you are stronger than me. I was almost raped, almost, and was a wreck for months. But you walk around with your head held high after years and years of torture and abuse. You were just tortured again, stabbed, nearly killed and is back at school like nothing happened. I couldn't do that. I'm weak."

"You're not weak, Rosalie. I was wreck for months too. I hardly slept, ate, I just wanted to be alone. But Edward wouldn't let me. From the first moment I saw him, he brought me out of my darkness."

"They all hate me." Bella chuckled.

"They don't hate you Rosalie."

"Emmett hates me, Edward always hated me...even my own twin brother hates me now."

"They don't. I won't let them."

"Why? I've been awful to you," Rosalie said.

"I know."

"Then why help me?"

"Because you're not awful," Bella said. "And definitely not an awful person."