Chapter 37

Tuesday November 6

In a reversal of what had become his morning start Darcy waited anxiously for Lizzie in his office. She had texted that morning asking what type of coffee he wanted. Knowing her budget and disliking her buying something for him he responded back with black. He actually did not particularly like black coffee but he'd drink it for Lizzie. He accepted a cup of the stuff more than once for business. So he'd gratefully except one for Lizzie and pretend to like it.

Lizzie appeared in his office doorway. "One vanilla caramel latte," she said happily to him as she handed him the cup. He looked at her. She said, "I've never seen you drink black coffee. You should have told me what you actually wanted."

His chin retreated to his neck. "I felt awkward letting you buy me coffee," he confessed.

"Will, if I didn't want to buy you coffee I wouldn't have ask."

"I would prefer to buy you coffee."

"Will, we both are adults. If we want to be equals you need to let me buy you coffee sometimes. You can't ever buy me any if I can't buy coffee for you," she told him stubbornly.

"Lizzie-"

"Will, do you see me as your equal?" she ask him intently.

"Yes."

"Then why can't I buy you coffee?"

"Because Lizzie, I realize that we come from different financial standpoints. I don't want you to feel like you have to spend more money then you are comfortable with due to me, just to be equal." He set his coffee cup down on his desk.

"If I can't afford something, I won't do it."

"That's the problem Lizzie, I can afford it for both of us. I don't want you to tell me no because you can't afford it when I can easily. I want what I have to be yours," he told her feeling frustrated.

"No."

"No? If you had an extra jacket and someone you cared about was cold, would you give it to them?"

"That's not the same."

"It is to me Lizzie. It's my Cranberry Green Bean Jell-o, if I can do something for someone I love, I do it."

Lizzie smiled at that.

"I find it hard to see any sort of monetary value on things that happen to be purchased. There are other things you give me that keep me forever in your debt," he continued. " I don't like that to society we aren't financially equal when I know I'm the one truly in debt to you. I don't want you to feel obligated that if I buy you something you have to reciprocate or be judged. I don't want to feel like I can't buy you something to show how I feel about you. To show you how much I appreciate what you do for me."

"Will-"

"I want to do things for you Lizzie without worrying that they may cause you to feel uncomfortable. But when money becomes involved I worry that you will leave me, before I get a chance to earn your love. Because of who I am and where I come from," he finished quietly.

"I know in the past I've not always been fair about our different backgrounds," Lizzie said slowly. "I judged you unfairly, and Bing, before meeting you. I decided you were rich and therefore not someone I would befriend or would befriend me, let alone want to be with me. It's hard for me not to think of the cost, but I know you don't. It's not part of your world like it is mine. I will try and respect your stance, but sometimes I won't be able to accept. I want to try and meet in the middle. To have our world, instead of yours and mine."

"Lizzie," Darcy said softly taking her cup out of her hand and setting it on his desk next to his before sweeping her into his arms. He kissed her gently. "I want it to be our world more then you can possibly know," he assured her.

...

"Jane!" Lizzie exclaimed happily when her sister answered on the third ring.

"Lizzie how are you feeling?" Jane asked her.

"Good. I think I feel really good. Lydia and I talked last night. I feel like I really am starting to learn about her now. I think we both are growing as people."

"See, so it wasn't such a bad thing she came to Hunsford."

"Jane, do you think Lydia is like me?"

"I think as sisters there are a lot of similarities between you two. We all have some things the same, but yes I think Lydia is more like you than me. I see so many of the same good qualities in both of you."

"Jane, am I a good sister?"

"You Lizzie Bennet are an excellent sister."

"Of course you would say that Jane. But it's still nice to hear it. I think, I owe you an apology."

"Lizzie, what? No."

"No, I really do. I think I've been trying to live through you. I made your love life a part of my vlog without ever asking. I've never tried to see things from your point of view, but expected you to see things from mine. When Bing left, I told you to go to LA."

"Lizzie, you suggested it but I made that choice. And it was a really good one for me."

"I just want you to know, in the future I'm not going to meddle or pry. Unless you ask me to, then I'm totally meddling."

"I'm really proud of you Lizzie."

"So how is Jane? Taking the fashion world by storm?"

"I don't know if I'd call it by storm, but I am enjoying myself."

"You're a fashion genius."

"Bing called me," Jane told her suddenly.

"Um, okay is that good, or I don't know, how do you feel?"

"He actually emailed me before calling. And then we emailed for a few days. Then last night he called me."

"And how do you feel about that? Are you going to see him again?"

"I don't know Lizzie. Part of me wants to, the other part doesn't want to be hurt. He's out of town right now, so for now we're just calling and texting. But we might try to be friends when he's back. I, I do miss him."

"I know Will messed up, he talked to Bing-"

"Elizabeth Bennet, did you just call William Darcy by his name?"

Lizzie blushed. "Yeah, we kind of, I don't know."

"Oh I think you know Lizzie."

"I think I really like him Jane. It's a little scary. I've never felt this way before. What if it all goes wrong?"

"What if it all goes right?"

"That's almost as scary."

"It is, isn't it? And that's truly the problem. We're both sitting here on the edge of the pool scared to dive in. Scared to be hurt. Scared to find out how wonderful the water could be."

"Jane I think we should dive in together," Lizzie told her.

"I want to give Bing another chance. And I think you want to give Darcy one. Or perhaps you already are giving Darcy one."

"It'd be nice to have the Jane Bennet seal of approval though."

"He is very tall, but he also seems to be thoughtful and in love with you. Therefore, I, Jane Bennet approve."

Lizzie laughed. "Thank you Jane."

...

Darcy glared at his computer screen and the email that would take him away from Lizzie. The board of investors meeting was officially scheduled for next Tuesday. Mrs. Reynolds was right, he couldn't put it off any longer. He would need to be back at Pemberley Digital Monday to help with preparations. Thursday would be Pemberley's Thanksgiving celebration. It was a chance for the Darcys to thank their employees, he couldn't miss it.

He'd like to fly Lizzie in for it, but after the morning's conversation regarding finances he felt like he was on thin ice. He had felt uncomfortable with Lizzie spending money on him. It was something he had more then he needed of. She didn't though, he had felt guilty. He had wanted to explain to her that there were things she gave him, like the feeling when she smiled at him, that he valued more.

Lizzie seemed to understand that he didn't think of money the same way she did but he knew she had only reluctantly conceded his point that anything he did he didn't want to have a monetary value. Spending money on people he loved to him was like her eating the cranberry green bean jell-o for her sister. He would ask her, but would respect her decision even if it was a no. With that in mind he decide to go find her. He found her in the break room.

"Can I speak to you Lizzie," he asked her.

"Yeah," she said. "What's on your mind?"

"I need to go back to Pemberley Digital next week," he said hesitantly. "I have a Board of investors meeting and Pemberly has a Thanksgiving celebration. I was wondering if you would attend the celebration with me?"

"In San Francisco?"

"Yes," he said his chin tucked into his neck.

"I can't go to San Francisco, to Pemberley."

"I could buy you a plane ticket."

"Darcy, I know this morning I agreed I'll let you spend money without getting upset at you or judging. Or at least try to see it from your viewpoint. That you will have had what you considered to be a good reason to do it. So this isn't about that. I don't want my first experience at Pemberley to be as the CEO's date. I want to be just another intern when I go there."

"You won't let me date you when your shadowing there?" Darcy asked, his face paling.

"Yes, I mean no. I mean we'll still be dating, I just don't want to be seen as being given special treatment. I want recognition on my own merits. I can't go now as your date and a month and a half later show up to shadow. You're not just letting me shadow there because of this," she said gesturing to them, "are you?"

"Of course not. Your brilliant, Pemberley is lucky to have a chance to have you there for a short while."

"Thanks."

"When my father passed I instantly became the CEO, many thought I hadn't earned my position, that it had been given to me. Which was true. It perhaps made things harder to prove to myself and others that I could run Pemberley. So I see your point. But Lizzie you should know no matter what anyone ever says your brilliant and have earned what happens in your life."

"Thank you for understanding Will."

"I'll make sure I am back by Friday so I can spend the weekend with you.

"You can't fly back Friday."

"Why not? I want to spend my weekend with you."

"Charlotte and I leave Wednesday. I needed to wrap up my shadowing. You would barely get to see me. Besides I know your operational report is done."

"Even if I only get to see you for a few hours it would be worth it."

"If you buy a plane ticket to come here I will feel guilty for not spending time with you, please don't. I'd feel like a bad hostess or something."

Darcy looked at her thoughtfully. She knew the cost of the plane ticket was negligible to him. To her it was expensive. She would therefore feel obligated to spend time with him because she knew he came only to see her, even if cost was not a factor. She'd feel guilty when she should be focusing on schoolwork when not with him. Even if she enjoyed spending time with him, he never wanted her to feel obligated to spend time with him. He couldn't help but think that if she lived with him in San Francisco this wouldn't be a problem.

"I won't then. But I would like to text and call you."

"I expect you too," she told him with a smile. She went up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek.

"Tomorrow could I pick you up in the morning and take you out for coffee on the way to work?" he ask her blushing.

"Yes, you can Will."

Can I take you to dinner tonight?"

"No, Lydia is eager to get back to school, so she leaves tomorrow. I kind of want to spend tonight with her. Tomorrow Charlotte and I have plans. But maybe Thursday night we could watch a movie together."

"I would like that very much," he said ducking his head to hide his pleased smile.