All rights to Kiera Cass. This book is designed to make story edits that largely follow the original plot. So even in the edited parts it is often largely Cass's writing.

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Author's note: Finally we will answer the question from chapter 6!

Comment response: Bella: Loved you comment last night so much. I laughed so hard. Also this is the chapter that has the Kota scene. It's super short and only provides a little insight, but I feel like it helps to open his character a bit more. Hope you like it!

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(cass)

CHAPTER 32

I SPENT THE REST of the day in my room. I didn't want to see Kota's accusing face or deal with Mom's questions. The worst was Lucy. She looked so sad to find out that I'd kept this secret from her. I didn't even want her serving me, and it seemed she was mostly fine with helping Mom however she could or playing with May.

(edit)

I had too much to think about to have her around anyway. I'm not sure if I can do it anymore. He just went on national TV and told everyone he wanted to marry me. The people rallied in our defense and….what can I say? But can I live with myself knowing I chose Maxon and in doing so I will let so many people fall victims to the rebels, sacrifice other people's loved ones for my love. Maxon said I can work on the big things and I said that would be enough, but it's not, it's not. As queen there is so many other responsibilities that there is no way I could make as big a difference as I could I just an advisor. It's a millions of lives difference.

And then I would get distracted thinking about Dad, wondering just what he'd said and done over the years. Were all those people I didn't know at his funeral really other rebels? Were there that many in the town? Would he support me with Maxon if he knew everything I could be doing?

I wondered what Maxon was doing now. Working, maybe. Or finding a way to avoid it. I wasn't there for him to take walks with or sit with. I wondered if Kriss was taking my place. I hope she is. I hope I come back and Maxon realises he loves Kriss. He won't, but it would make this easier.

(cass)

I covered my eyes, trying to think. How was I supposed to get through all this?

There was a knock on my door. I didn't know if what was coming would make things better or worse, but I told the visitor to come in anyway.

Kenna walked in, and, for the first time since I'd come home, Astra was nowhere in sight.

"You okay?"

I shook my head, and the tears came. She walked in and sat beside me on the bed, wrapping an arm around me.

"I miss Dad. His letter was so . . ."

"I know," she said. "He hardly even spoke when he was here. But he left us with all these words. Part of me is glad. I don't know if I would remember it all if he hadn't written it down."

"Yeah." In that I had the answer to a question I was afraid to ask. No one else knew Dad had been a rebel.

"So . . . you and Aspen?"

"It's over, I swear."

"I believe you. When you're on TV, you should see the way you look at Maxon. Even that other girl, Celeste?" She rolled her eyes.

I smiled to myself.

"She tries to look like she's in love with him, but you can see it's not real. Or at least not as real as she wishes it was."

I snorted. "You have no idea how right you are on that one."

"I was wondering how long that had been happening. With Aspen, I mean."

"Two years. It started after you got married and Kota moved out. We'd been meeting in the tree house about once a week. We were saving up to get married."

"You were in love then?"

Shouldn't I have been able to answer right away? Shouldn't I have been able to tell her that I knew without a doubt that I'd loved Aspen? But now it didn't really seem that way. Maybe it was, but time and distance made it look different.

"I think so. But it doesn't feel . . ."

"It doesn't feel like things with Maxon?" she guessed.

I shook my head. "It just seems so strange now. For the longest time, Aspen was the only person I could imagine being with. I was ready to be a Six. And now?"

"And now you're five minutes away from being the next princess?" Her deadpan voice made the whole thing funny, and I laughed with her at the drastic change in my life.

"Thanks for that."

"That's what sisters are for."

I looked into her eyes and sensed that this hurt her somehow. "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"You're telling me now."

"It wasn't because I didn't trust you. It was part of what made it special, I think. Keeping him a secret." Saying it out loud, I realized that it was true. Yes, I had feelings for him, but there were other things that surrounded us that made having Aspen that much sweeter: the secrecy, the rush of being touched, the thought of having something worth working toward.

"I understand, America, I really do. I just hope you never felt like you had to keep it a secret. Because I'm here for you."

I exhaled, and so many of my worries seemed to leave with that breath. At least for a moment. I propped my head on Kenna's shoulder, and it was nice to be able to think.

"So, is anything going on between you and Aspen anymore? How does he feel about you?"

(edit)

I shook my head. "I love Maxon and Aspen's dating Lucy. We are long over, but I guess everyone had to find out eventually."

The rest of the day was a lot less dramatic. I stayed mostly away from others which was probably a mistake because it gave me so much time to think. I had never stopped before when someone died. They died, we buried them, we were sad but by the next day life went on. I had never confronted any of it… There is just a pit down in my stomach that contains more neglected emotions than I know what to do with, and I don't think they are going to stay there much longer. I stopped, giving them the chance to take up arms, and now they are going to claw their way out to declare war on my soul.

The next day was quiet. No one came to visit and everyone was sick of crying. We finally opened the presents. Began to talk to each other a bit. Just tried to figure out how to move on. Everyone but Kota, he was as elusive as ever.

After presents I went to my room to pack. Lucy would have done it, but I wanted an excuse to be alone for a little while. There was a small knock at my door and I called, "Come in." Without looking to see who it was.

"Hey little sword fighter." He hadn't called me that in years. Everytime did he dug a little further under my skin, but not this time. This time, for the first time in a long time, I was reminded I had an older brother.

"Kota." I turned around to look at him. "What do you want?" To hold more blackmail over me maybe?

"I-" He stammered, "I'm sorry." Or at least that's what I thought he said. He heavily muttered it. I turned back around and ignored him. Mom probably made him do it. "You know what I'm not sorry. You shouldn't have been embarrassed that you were with Aspen from the beginning. He's a good guy."

"Yeah, and when was the last time you talked to him?! You dropped him as your best friend when you dropped us as your family." It came out harsh and I had no regrets. Kota had quite the nerve coming in here to tell me how to live my life.

He scuffed his eyes up like he always does turning to leave. But paused standing out of the door way. "I didn't abandon you as my family."

"Yes you did. You went off with your art. Never sent us money. Never came around. We spent winters cold and hungry because we lost your income. You were obsessed with buying your way to be a two and left us in the dust. You became snickety and self centered. The brother I knew died at the price of your fame." He turned to look me in the eye. Something like regret on his face. "So how. Tell me how that isn't abandoning us?"

"Tamera."

"What!?"

"Tamera Jempson. She's a two." I've played for them before, they're one of the nicer twos and even came to dad's funeral. "We fell in love America. But I can't marry her unless I'm a two. Her father won't allow us. I'm doing what I need to do. And I didn't become 'snickety'."

I glared at him and he scoffed before leaving. "Whatever, it's not like you would understand." But I should have, at least a bit. I worried Aspen wouldn't be accepted because I would have to drop a caste. But dropping three! Still, he abandoned his family and has no intentions of fixing that. Whatever justification he has I don't care. I didn't see Kota again that trip, and that was fine by me. The last thing I needed was his selfish energy.

In the late afternoon Kenna and I walked into the studio with May. It was hard, but she had to go in again, and I wanted to be there for her. The second we flipped the switch on she started crying. Kenna and I held on to May as we walked in the room. I put a new canvas up and Kenna put some paint on a brush handing it to her.

"I can't do it." She proclaimed.

Kenna bent down to May and whispered, "We'll do it together." Guiding her hand to make a brush stroke May's breathing finally started to steady. After a few joint brush strokes May was okay to keep going by herself, finding comfort in painting.

A knock came at the door, and Aspen walked in the doorway. No one in my family held our relationship against him, if we had to pick anyone to be mad at it would be Kota, but Aspen nonetheless felt awkward.

"My Lady, you need to get dressed."

"It's time already?" I turned to him and he nodded. "It feels like I've only just gotten here."

"I'm sorry My Lady, but I am afraid you have to return." Aspen turned to leave. We all noticed how profesional he was acting, and it was clearly to try and over compensate. I said goodbye to my family and was gone within the hour.

I spent the majority of the plane ride trying to figure out what to do about Maxon and I, but I didn't want to think about it anymore. The more I thought about it the more I knew I wasn't going to be able to live with myself if I chose to be a princess. And that was not the answer I wanted.

I looked up from my comfy seat near the rear of the plane. Aspen and Lucy were sitting toward the front on opposite sides of the aisle, deep in conversation. Lucy looked upset still, and she seemed to be giving Aspen some sort of instructions. He was quiet as he took in her words, nodding at her suggestions. Cane was sitting towards the middle of the plane and seemed to notice my distress.

He moved and sat next to me. "How are you holding up?"

I shrugged. "Right now okay. If I'm being honest I don't know how long that will last though."

"Well I'm sure the king will give you more time off if you need-" He started.

"No." I jumped in quickly before remembering myself, "I need to at least keep going through the rebel reports. So much of this makes me feel useless, not in control, and I haven't totally broken down so I need something to do." He nodded and I pivoted the conversation, "Did you get a chance to see your family?"

"I did, they're doing well. I don't get home too much so it was great to see them...I just wish it was under better circumstances."

I broke eye contact and looked down. Cane's ring caught my eye, it wasn't a spiral it was a metal outline of the north star. "You're a Northern Rebel." I said quietly, more to myself.

His eyes glanced displaying something that seemed close to panic. "What makes you think that?"

"The North Star on your ring. My father got you in, didn't he." Cane nodded. "I know the Northern Rebels aren't killers, actually I'm almost certain if I didn't come to the castle I would have ended up one-"

"That was the plan." He laughed nervously and I gave him a puzzled look. "Your father was able to confirm how good your strategizing abilities were. They made you a commodity. We didn't want to risk the southern rebels finding out about you or you not wanting to join, so we were hesitant about how to approach you. We never got a good plan before we decided to put you in the selection."

I opened my mouth and somehow got words out, "The rebels put me in the selection?"

Cane nodded. "We knew if you won you were raised with the right values to align with us, even though you weren't technically a rebel. And if not, as a Three it would be easier for us to work with you on information without it drawing suspicions. Once your father told us you had put your name, we presented you to the king."

My head started spinning a bit. My father's note after the caste report finally made sense: 'Now, more than ever, I know you've been guided by the north star even in the darkest of nights'. He raised me to be a rebel, and I always have been one whether I knew it or not.

And August and Georgia. They asked for that night because they knew of me. They knew I was primed to work for them, and my presentation on the report confirmed it was successful. I wanted to feel manipulated, but I felt almost freed. They were never going to force me to join them, they never placed a single value on me. My father just taught me to question the world and I had come to the same conclusions as the rebels.

The northern rebels had wanted to recruit me...in a way had recruited me. I decided it was finally time to ask that little question that has been bugging me since the first time I met Georgia. "How long have they been watching me?"

He looked a little nervous, like he wasn't sure he should tell me. "I wasn't in on it the whole time, but I know your father raised you all hoping his kids would choose to fight the systematic oppression. For your recruitment specifically I think it was about ten. Didn't you ever wonder why he taught you so much geography? You didn't need to know all that as a five." He's right. My father had always taught me more wars, more geography, more about how to think in the enemy's mind than any of my siblings. How did I not see this before. "I'm sure you know there were rumors about you in the eight cast."

I nodded. "I know there has been since I made the water filtration technique; I also would help sort out some information on rebel positions for the eight's information train; and with the garden there were always some rumors. We have had kids come looking for us on occasion. It was mostly just in Carolina that eights might know who I was though."

Cane shook his head. "The rumors about you were picked up in Ottaro." Ottaro is on the other side of the country and 5,000km away. That means eight's across the country were telling stories of me for years.

"I won't tell anyone your secret." I promised. "But I need to know. How much did you tell them?"

"I am selective. While I know they won't do anything bad with the information, there are some pieces of information I wouldn't want to risk getting out. I have on occasion done my part to slip names into the selection, fast track or push a policy that aligns with rebel agenda. But I never have and never will do anything that could put someone at risk. And I didn't tell them you are a Junior Advisor. That isn't something we could risk getting out." I nodded, and that was all I needed to know.

"You do good, kid." Cane ended simply before heading back to his seat.

My father had wanted me to be a rebel. To be a strategic analyst. To fight systematic oppression. And I was about to make the choice that would oppress myself? Force me to be less and do less than what I can? No, No I'm not. I can't. I need to make the right choice, even if it's the hard choice.

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end of chapter

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Okay hear me out. I think America's name was put in by the rebels in the original book series too, she just didn't know.

They've talked about how the raffle was a hox, how girls pretty much only get in if they are presented to by an advisor and/or have something to contribute. Think about it 35 out of thousands. Even if some of the girls were chosen from the files by random (which I doubt), America wouldn't have been one of them. She was from the five caste, the lowest caste that was accepted (there were never any 6, 7, or 8's and only 3 fives) and it wasn't as if she was from a famous performing family. They had no good reason to choose her. In the book it was said that her picture was glowing and that's why she was chosen, but it also says that she isn't out right stunning, there had to have been prettier girls.

However her father was a rebel, and raising her with the values to not just accept what heard. Something she had clearly embraced. If there were really hundreds of fellow rebels in the town that knew her father, it was likely he wasn't low on the rebel chain. He also knew how to get information to August, the highest person in the Northern Rebel hierarchy. He writes, "there will be repercussions because of who I am and because of who I told". While who I told could be interpreted as the rebels in general, he does use a singular tense. That means he at least knows who August is. If there are as many Northern Rebels as they imply it would be far too dangerous for them all to know August's identity, so those very low wouldn't. Mix that with Georgia's subtle comments that makes it sound like she has been watching America for years, and it seems as though there may be more rebel involvement than she knew.

It's possible that the Northern Rebels presented their girls, but also presented America in the hopes that a girl who shared the values but wasn't directly there for the cause could win Maxon's heart and be mailble to their plans. They were then able to confirm their suspicions that America shared their values after the report and with how close she and Maxon seemed, assumed their plan had worked.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments.

(She was definitely watched and chosen by the northern rebels in my version though :) )

Thanks for reading. As always please comment! I love to hear your thoughts!